Episode 1 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab

Now look, Lab Rat, if that's not working,

the control box is underneath, underneath there.

Get in there, now there's some wires.

Touch those two together, cross them.

Yeah, maybe it wasn't those two after all.

Right, lab coat on. I'm ready for duty. You'll get better.

Hello, I'm Richard Hammond, welcome to my Blast Lab.

APPLAUSE

In just a moment we shall begin a series

of complex scientific experiments with two teams

of players competing using their massive scientific brains.

In fact, the only thing that's thick in here is the walls,

three metres thick in fact,

because sometimes my experiments are a little unreliable and dangerous.

Let's have a look at what's in store today.

CHEERING

Now, normally this top secret underground lab

is guarded by a team of 20 crack SAS professionals.

They're trained in all forms of combat,

they use the latest hi-tech weaponry

and they're skilled in the art of invisibility,

which is annoying, because I can't find them, anywhere.

I've drafted in the next best thing...my nan.

She can take on 20 people at once

and she makes a really nice flan. She is my Ninja Nan.

CHEERING

She may look fragile but she is a fully trained Ninja.

Yeah, see? Nan, if you'd like to...

She's gone again! Nan, nan, if you'd like to take your place

and get settled into security, thank you very much, and there she goes.

Look at her move! She's so fast(!)

She looks slow because we've had to film her in slow motion

so you can see her, otherwise she's just a blur.

Honest! It's further than you think, that!

Ninja Nan, are you settled in yet?

Are you in your place...? No, don't worry about him.

He had a bit of an accident, it was his own fault.

Nan will get settled in and it's a comfort to know

that she's there to guard us.

Let's look at who's trying to get into my lab today.

Show yourselves, please.

Yes, yes, it's all very well getting excited.

They say they're the Yellow Team. We don't know that!

We can't let just anybody into the Blast Lab.

We've got to be careful so identify yourself by names, please.

-Alex!

-Alex!

-Rory.

Alex, Alex and Rory, yep, that checks out.

Hidden talent, it's got your name here, Rory,

and it says you play a musical instrument.

I'm guessing it's what, the recorder, the banjo?

-Trombone.

-Oh, really? If you can play the trombone,

we'll let you through security.

HE PLAYS SCALES

Oh, you see, scales, very technical.

Not the most melodic listen, but I'd say they were accurate.

Right, you can play the trombone,

you are the Yellow Team, come into the Blast Lab. Mind the Lab Rat.

CHEERING

Welcome to the lab, great to have you here.

Sorry about the security, can't be too careful.

All sorts try and get in here. Where are you from?

ALL: Sutton! And we are the Nuclear Boys.

You went to the trouble of thinking of your own team name.

You're the Yellow Team and that's that.

Now, we're about to meet the bunch of people

who claim to be your opposition.

They say they are the Red Team but we can't be sure!

Hello, so-called Red Team.

Now we can't just let you in,

we've gotta check that out first, security checks.

-Robbie!

-Emily!

-Charlotte!

Robbie, Emily and Charlotte, yep that checks out.

Robbie, it's got your name here for the hidden talent.

-What are you going to do for us?

-Count to 30 in Spanish.

-Go on, then.

Uno, dos, tres, quatro...

-How far are you counting?

-Well, to 30.

-OK. Carry on.

Siete, ocho...

-How far have you got now?

-Ten.

That's far enough. Right, you can speak Spanish, come in,

you are the Red Team. Hello, Reds, great to have you in the Blast Lab.

Where have you come from?

ALL: Featherstone and we are the Invincible Terrible Trio.

Great name, but useless!

You're the Red Team and that's that.

Right, Reds and Yellows, get settled in and comfortable

because we're about to play Round One.

It's time to bring out my intelligent assistant.

He's got a degree from Oxford and an MOT from Cambridge. It is Oliver.

I've fitted Oliver with the latest state of the art,

hi-tech Fact Nav system and it really wasn't very hard to do,

to be honest...

It was very, very hard to do and as a result,

it's not working quite as well as I'd planned,

so a lot of the facts are not true.

I need our two teams to tell us whether the facts I give them

are true or false. If they are true, Oliver will do this...

SIREN BLARES

And if they're false, he'll let us know by doing this...

FOGHORN BLARES

So, simple enough rules, teams,

and your first chance to earn points in the Blast Lab.

Reds, you're going first.

There are 300 bones in a child's body, but only 206 in an adult.

Is that true or false?

Audience, what do we think? Is that true or false?

Kind of a mixed bag in the audience.

Quite a few trues down here, but mostly false over there.

-What's your answer.

-It's false.

-You think it's false?

-I think, yeah.

-Do you all agree on that?

-Yeah.

-Oliver, is it true or false? It's true.

Well, bad luck, so no point there for you.

In actual fact, some of the bones in a child's body

fuse together as they grow older so by the time they reach adulthood,

the number of bones is reduced to 206.

Right, Yellow Team, your science fact. Here it is.

The earth is completely round.

True or false? Have a talk, have a think.

Audience, is that true or false?

What do we think?

The majority of the audience are saying true actually,

but as always, be independent. What do we reckon?

-False.

-OK. The Yellows think that is false.

Oliver, is it true or false?

It is false. That's a point for the Yellows straightaway there.

Well, done. A little celebratory dance going on there

from the Yellow Team. Well, done, chaps.

Actually, the earth isn't completely round because when it spins

like that it bulges in the middle. Broop!

That's a technical explanation for you. OK, right, the third question.

How many seconds are in a year? Good luck, teams.

Audience, what do we think? Anybody got any idea?

I'm going to come and talk to you using my new plant mic.

That's not gone down as well as I'd hoped. You're not...

look it's a microphone, you see?

-It's hidden in there. What's your name?

-Jordan.

I only heard that because of the microphone, hidden.

I'm gonna offer it to spies.

How many seconds there are in a year?

-Yes?

-10 million.

-10 million.

OK. OK. Any advance on that?

-Hazard a guess or?

-Over 1,000 million.

Over 1,000 million. OK. We're getting into the big numbers.

Turn your boards round and let's have a look.

Reds first. You've written 1 million.

Yellows have got 61,200.

Well, the actual answer is 31,536,000 seconds in a year

which means the point clearly goes to the Reds.

Well, done! Even though you were still quite a long way away,

you were the closest. You get the point, which brings it to a draw.

Actually for the average chap,

they'll live for 2,365,200,000 seconds.

Right that means points now, one all.

That is all to come, but right now

it's time for Mini Science.

The round where our teams use ordinary household objects

to conduct extraordinary scientific experiments and for this

we need the help of my old school science teacher, Mini Miss.

-Straighten your shirt, Richard.

-Sorry, Miss. I know I am a mess.

The secret of her youthful looks, that is me.

I've made a time machine to bring her into the Blast Lab

and, unfortunately, with the time machine

I made a few schoolboy errors

and as a result, she came out of it as a schoolgirl. Sorry, Miss.

You never were the sharpest tool in the box, were you, Richard?

No Miss, no Miss, sorry!

-So, what are we doing today?

-We're looking at propulsion.

Brilliant! How?

One team member from each team

is stranded on the other side of the toxic tank

and it's up to the rest of the team members to rescue them

using the balloon rocket.

Wow! So they're gonna make balloon rockets

to actually fly away with Alex and Robson on them.

They're gonna have to be really big.

They're not doing that, are they, Miss? What are they doing?

Well, the stranded team mate has to throw a ball

attached to an emergency line across to the other two safe team mates.

When they've caught it

they must tie the line to their side, blow up a balloon...

-You're giving me this to blow up, aren't you, Miss?

-Yes.

-OK.

-Attach it to a straw... and fix it onto the line.

Right, Miss. These are not easy balloons to blow up, Miss.

-Now...

-Feel a bit funny, Miss.

-..we attach the balloon...

I think I see what's gonna happen here

..to the straw, using the loop fasteners.

So that goes on there like that.

-Yes.

-And that's their rocket...

-When the balloon is let go

it should fly across the line to the other side.

It actually works!

-All right, well this is a straight race, isn't it?

-Yes...

Because then when the balloon hits the other side,

-that's when the flare goes off.

-Yes.

-So it's a race to get there first?

-Yes.

All right. I reckon before we start this,

it's only fair to give you a little bit of practice

at making your balloon rockets.

Mini Miss, could you go and assist them in doing this?

While they're doing that,

here's a bit about the science that's going on. It's pretty simple.

When the balloon is blown up, the rubber's all stretched

and it wants to shrink back into its original shape,

and that squeezes the air out of this end,

and that is where one of Blast Lab's all-time heroes comes into play...

Sir Isaac Newton. Well, I say comes into play...

He's not actually coming into the lab to do it

because he lived in the 1600s

but his ideas do. You see, Newton was very good at explaining things.

At the time, a lot of people thought he was bonkers,

but he's turned out later on to be right about a lot of stuff.

He came up with laws that described why things do what they do

all around us and today we'll be using one of those laws,

his third one.

What he said was, in his Third Law,

"For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction".

What that means, actually, is if you push this way

there's an equal and opposite push going on this way.

That's what's happening here. The balloon, when it's inflated,

slowly deflates, squirts the air that way,

which means there's a push,

so there's a push sending the balloon that way, you see?

It's as though old Isaac Newton was here himself helping our teams

bring balloon rockets to fire across our toxic tank.

Right, teams, how are we doing?

-Are we ready to start?

-Yep.

-Good.

If we can all get into our starting positions.

We'll be there to rescue you soon, don't worry, hang on.

This is a straight race, then, and that race starts...

ooh, I'd say...now! And they're off!

Lots of activity, but who's in front?

Yellows concentrating hard there. The wires are going up.

The Yellows are blowing up their balloon already! Come on, Reds!

Oops, the Reds look like they're having problems

as the Yellows put the finishing touches to their rocket.

There it goes! A clear win for the Yellow Team!

Reds, what happened?

There we have it. Alex, you're saved by your team mates.

I'm afraid, Robson, they just left you there, honestly!

So that means a point straightaway to the Yellow Team.

CHEERING

Bringing the scores to 2-1.

Now propelling small straws across the toxic tank is all well and good,

but could we use the same theory, Isaac Newton's Third Law,

to propel something more exciting, like...a man?

Here we see two of the worst examples

of the human form on the planet,

otherwise known as Lab Rats,

indulging in what looks like some uncharacteristically

impressive basketball skills.

There's something not right here. Ah, I see, pathetic!

The Lab Rats managed to score with the hoop set at around 1.5 metres.

Professional players can score with the hoop at 3 metres.

I think we can do better, much better.

We're setting the hoop at a height of 30 metres from the ground

to attempt the highest slam dunk the world has ever seen, ever!

This earth-shattering feat cannot be attempted by any ordinary man.

We need a man who makes the impossible, possible.

We need a man who laughs at danger,

and kicks sand in the face of failure.

We need...

Hello, I'm Jet Pack Man.

Really? You look like a Lab Rat

with a moustache wearing a leather jacket and a silly hat.

Two fire extinguishers, that's original(!)

Propel yourself into the air, drop the basketball and set a new record.

That's never gonna work.

Lab Rats are completely useless and bred for this type of thing,

so please don't feel sorry for them or actually do anything they do.

Three, two, one, blast off!

Ah! OK, then.

Must have been those extra kippers he had for breakfast!

We're gonna have to beef this experiment up, I think.

Time to call in the Americans.

This all-American hero is one of only two rocket men in the world.

No-one is more experienced or confident.

I'm Jet Pack Man.

But he's never tried anything like this.

The Jet Pack Man's canisters are filled with hydrogen peroxide.

When it's mixed with certain metals, like silver,

it turns into oxygen and superheated steam.

This shoots downwards out of the bottom of the pack

at almost supersonic speed

which should launch the rocket man upwards and into the sky.

Well, that's the theory.

Can American muscle succeed

where British steamy-determination failed so miserably?

One man against the odds, against gravity and against the doubters.

The odds are stacked against him as he only has enough fuel

to stay airborne for about 30 seconds,

so he's also racing against the clock.

Three, two, one, blast-off.

OK. I think there's a point available here.

Score right now, 2-1.

There's another point up for grabs.

You could equalise if you get this.

I'll give that point to the team who can correctly tell me

will Jet Pack Man be able to slam dunk that basketball into the hoop?

What do you think?

-Will he do it, or not?

-No.

-You think not.

-Reds, will he do it, or not?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

Oh, good, so there's a point difference here.

Reds think he will, Yellows think he won't. Let's find out.

So, this is it. He knows what he has to do.

The time for talking is over.

The time to fly is upon us.

Three, two, one, blast off.

There he goes. We have lift-off. Every second counts as he spins

through the air, trying to manoeuvre into position.

He's closing in on the unsuspecting hoop.

Steady, steady. He's done it!

Amazing!

A perfect run there for the American Jet Pack Man,

as he glides effortlessly up to 30 metres,

spins right around the hoop and scoring on his first attempt.

He's loving it. The Lab Rats love it.

In fact, it seems there is only one person

who doesn't share in their celebrations.

Like a true hero, Jet Pack Man waves goodbye to his adoring public

before disappearing off into the horizon.

So there you go. The point goes to the Red Team

which equalises the score at 2-2,

and now we must move on

towards the Messy, Messy, Mess test

which means you guys have all got to go off and get changed

into your protective outfits.

You go and get ready for that.

While they're getting ready,

this is a treat for the rest of this audience, I'm delighted to say,

that Jet Pack Man has come to join us in the lab!

Jet Pack Man, Eric, how are you? Nice to see you.

We can have another look at that

because I want you to talk us through what's going on.

Lab Rats, please stop. Yes, that's the man jet pack, don't get near it.

Don't let them touch that, will you? Let's have a look.

This is you in action.

What does it feel like when it takes off?

It's like jumping off the ground, but not having to come down.

Here you look like you're suspended from a wire.

What are you doing to steer it there?

The right handle is for going up and down,

and now I'm making a left turn

it's my left hand that spins me, but to go forward

I drop my hands down, that's driving me forward

and I can let up on them to slow it down.

Now I'm jockeying the other...

That bit of manoeuvring there was tricky.

I'm imagining this is something

that it's possible to make an amazing hash of.

You're standing on top of 800 horse powers,

-so the superheated steam is at supersonic velocity.

-800?

-Yeah.

-That's as much as about five family cars.

That's an immense amount of power. How long does the fuel last?

It's got 33 seconds of fuel.

-What happens then?

-Then I get my sign out.

Is it like the cartoons where it coughs and splutters to a halt

and then your eyes go wide and you run for a bit in the air...

-No, it doesn't! You just plummet to the ground?

-Exactly.

I think you're very brave

and you're now officially one of our Blast Lab heroes.

You see the lovely rosette?

-You're pleased with that, aren't you?

-I love it.

Lab Rats, get away from that!

This is a real, live jet pack.

Please, don't go near it. Boys and girls, Eric, Jet Pack Man.

-CHEERING

-You're very proud, I can tell.

Yes, this is great.

Right. Time now for us to move on to the Messy, Messy, Mess Test...

..which today is the Gungy Bungee, featuring, my Blast Lab catapults.

You don't wanna know about the experiment I designed

these for originally, suffice to say the cats were not pleased.

Today, we're going to use them for propelling prize pods

across this tank of unspeakably toxic gunge. Here's the game.

Teams, you've got to fire as many of these prize pods as you can

across the tank and into the prize zone beyond.

The winning team is the team gets the most prize pods

into the zone and you'll keep the prizes written on them.

This being Blast Lab, though, there is, predictably, a twist.

You will notice a team player from each team in the gunge.

These two players have two jobs.

Firstly, you have to stop the opposing team's prize pods as

they arc across the tank towards the prize zone,

while collecting your team's prize pods,

put them back into these baskets

so that your team-mates can fire them across into the prize zone.

Important note for you guys,

do not go past this tape.

I dropped a plutonium rod in there, and it superheated the whole thing,

incredible heat coming off it.

I tried to dig it out with a spade,

but it melted the spade, don't go beyond there.

Everybody understand their jobs?

Catchers, blockers, you understand your jobs?

OK. You have some time to get as many prize pods as you possibly can

across the toxic tank and that some time starts...

..Now!

The air is thick with prize pods.

A huge shot from the Yellows,

shame it was also hugely off-target.

The Red team are letting no Yellow pods past them.

The Red prize pods are building up

it's not looking good for the Yellows.

Some amazing play from the Red team's blocker,

she's stopping just about any of the Yellow pods getting through.

Really, really good.

It is mayhem out there.

The teams have some time left.

How long is anyone's guess

because my Some Time Clock never works.

Both teams are screaming encouragement at each other,

at least, I think it's encouragement.

Things are getting tense amongst the Yellow team's players.

It's a tense business with the toxic tank.

Oh, yeah!

The prize zone is looking like a very Red place to be right now.

-KLAXON

-OK, teams. Everybody stop.

Everybody stop there.

Some great play going on. Some frustration amongst both teams

and some unbelievably good blocking from you!

Let's see which team has won.

Lab Rat, for the Yellow Team, how many do we have?

Four, indicated with his paw there.

For the Red Team, how many?

Seven. That means the Red Team are the winners.

CHEERING

..And are quite pleased about it! Let's find out what you've won.

You'll take home these prizes.

Ready, Nan?

Each of you will be taking home 20 Questions,

an Electronic Project Set,

Uno Flash Game,

Science Magic Set,

Horrible Science Book,

a Glider Set,

and an X-Twin Jet.

Each of you take those prizes home.

OK, now the slightly tricky bit. Yellows... Here's a funny thing.

These are the prizes you would have won.

An Electronic Project Set.

An X-Twin Jet. Ooh, lovely!

20 Questions, yeah.

And an MP3 player. Each of you would be taking that home.

Instead of taking them home, you're gonna blow them up.

It's time for Bidet Goes Bang.

Well, we have come to that moment in Blast Lab.

-Reds, how are you feeling?

-Great.

-Very happy.

Congratulations, and all of this lot coming home with you.

-Over here are the Yellows. How are you feeling?

-Disappointed.

-Yeah.

-Bad.

-Bad?

Good! Glad you came into Blast Lab!

Sorry, team. What went wrong in that last game?

The catapult was too slippery to put the stuff on.

So, you're criticising the tools!

My carefully designed, specially built catapult let you down?

OK, well, never mind, because it's time.

I do like to get a lot of bang for my buck,

and this next invention cost a lot of bucks,

so it had better give a pretty big bang.

Well, I think it probably will. Be afraid - it's my exploding bidet.

Your prizes have been loaded in.

-Who'll press the plunger?

-All of us.

-Share the blame.

Step forward and lift the plunger into the firing position, please.

There you go. Don't push it yet. OK. Here we go.

Five, four, three, two, one...

Yep! There you go!

Today, we learnt Newton's Third Law of Motion.

If you push something one way,

you'll make something else go in the opposite direction.

I don't suppose Newton made this discovery the same way as we did,

by doing slam dunks with jet packs and firing balloon rockets

over a tank full of toxic gunge. See you next time.

CHEERING

Blast Lab was recorded in front of a live studio audience.

Probably no Lab Rats were hurt...

too badly during filming... probably!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd