Episode 1 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab

THEY CHEER

Lab coat. My lab coat!

You do not want to see what is back there.

You don't. I was tinkering with my space time portal late last night

and just as I was turning it off, something horrible slipped through.

From another dimension.

I don't know what it was or where it came from or how to send it back.

Let's just hope that door is strong enough to keep it away.

FIERCE ANIMAL NOISE

It's a pain. Anyway, I'm Richard and this is my Blast Lab.

THEY CHEER

Very soon, we shall be meeting two teams

who claim to be science boffins. We'll see about that.

They'll be competing in some top-level scientific games

and hoping to win prizes. Here's what's coming up.

-MONSTER CRIES OUT

-Sorry.

Now, this laboratory is so top secret

that I've got to have a team of crack SAS men to protect it 24/7.

Unfortunately, they couldn't make it today.

One of them has a veruca and the others don't want to catch one,

so I've brought along someone who isn't scared of verucas.

In fact, they're scared of her.

It is my Ninja Nan.

Thanks for standing in, Ninja Nan.

I know she may look fragile but she is a fully trained ninja.

See? Right. Nan, if you'd like to take your place in security.

Take your place... Nan, could you take your place in security?

Thank you very much.

Her reactions are so quick, she can catch bullets with her teeth.

They're false teeth but they are her teeth.

Ninja Nan, have you settled in to security? Oh, look, she's there.

She's made it, pulling her ninja trolley.

That's a special ninja tartan there.

And she's got... Oh, she's got her knitting with her.

That's nice. She's knitting herself a woolly camouflage suit

so she can sneak around undetected at car boot sales.

Let's see who's trying to get into my lab today.

Somewhere there's a bunch of people to claim to be the Yellow Team.

Well, you see, you're applauding.

They say they're the Yellow Team. We must be careful.

This is a top secret lab, so I've got my security files here to check.

Identify yourselves by name, please.

-Tammy.

-Corey.

-Carys.

-Tammy. Corey. Carys.

Yes. That checks out OK.

Right. It says down here, Carys, you have a hidden talent.

-Yeah.

-I need you to prove that

so we can check you through security. What is that talent?

-I can tell jokes.

-Really?

-Yes.

-Go on.

-Knock knock.

-Who's there?

-The interrupting sheep.

-The interrupting...

-Baa-aa!

-Is that a joke? It's borderline.

What do we think? Sorry. We need more security checks, Yellow Team.

Carys, it also says here that you can say...

now this I don't believe... the longest place name in Wales.

-Can you?

-Yes.

-Prove it.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogery chwyrndrobwlllantysiliogogogoch.

Do you need a tissue after that? That's amazing.

It's worth a round of applause because you are the Yellow Team.

Come through, past Ninja Nan.

OK, you've proved yourselves. You are the Yellow Team.

You are welcome to our top secret underground lab.

-Where are you from?

-We're from Wales and we're the Camera Queens.

You're not. You're the Yellow Team but thank you for coming in.

Let's meet the bunch of people who claim to be the Reds.

Again, audience, we can't just let anybody in here with us.

Before you can go through security,

identify yourselves, please, by name.

-Kyle.

-James.

-Josh.

Kyle. James. Josh. Yes. That checks out.

Josh, it says here you have a hidden talent. What is it?

I can do a backwards body worm.

Right. Do one, then.

Well, I guess that is a backwards body worm.

Yeah, you are the Red Team. Come through security.

OK. On that basis, we trust you.

You are the Red Team. Where are you from?

We're from Suffolk and we're the Boffin Squad.

Very clever, but irrelevant. You're the Red Team.

Time for both teams to make your way to the positions for the first game.

You go and get ready for the first game. Away you go.

And to help me out, I'd like to introduce a good friend of mine.

He is the original smart car - Oliver.

Now, Oliver loves nothing more than collecting fact for his

sophisticated hi-tech in-car Fact Now system.

Unfortunately, those facts are not always correct.

It's up to our two teams to decide which are false and which are true.

Oliver will then let us know.

If it's true, he'll do this.

SIREN WAILS, HORN HOOTS

But if it's false, he'll do this.

FOGHORN BLASTS

OK. Teams, here are your facts.

Red Team, you first. I need you to tell me if this is true or false.

A hurricane three times the size of earth

has been raging on Jupiter for over 300 years. Talk it over.

Let's see what the audience think.

Hands up. Shout it out, audience.

SHOUTING

I reckon most of the audience are going for true.

There's quite a few guessing false.

-Have you made your mind up?

-Yeah.

-Is it true or false?

-It's true.

Oliver is going to tell us. Oliver, is it true or false? It's true!

Well done!

That actually is the storm that causes the red spot

on the surface of Jupiter.

Right. Yellows, here comes your fact.

In the 1830s, tomato ketchup was sold as a shampoo.

Have a think. I'm going to ask the audience what they think.

What do you reckon?

ALL: False!

Overwhelmingly thinking false there.

Have you made your mind up?

-That was quick. So what do you think?

-False.

Oliver, is it true or false? False. Well done, that's a point!

It was actually sold as a medicine to strengthen the blood.

It was known as Dr Miles' Compound Extract Of Tomato,

so you could ask for that next time you have chips. One last question.

I don't need you to tell me if it's true or false.

I want you to write that answer on the board in front of you

and then hold it up.

I will give the point to the team that's nearest.

Here comes the question.

A long time ago,

there were no ice caps and Alaska was as warm as California is today.

But how many million years ago was this?

Work out an answer, teams. Have a think.

Audience, have you got any ideas? Any clues?

I'm going to bring my microphone. It's disguised as a mug tree.

What do you think?

-How many years ago?

-Eight.

-Eight years ago.

-Yeah.

We'd have noticed that. How old are you?

-Nine.

-You'd have noticed that. Any other answers?

-Polar ice caps weren't there...

-About seven million years ago.

Eight to seven million, that's quite a range. Teams, are we ready?

I shall put away my mug-tree microphone.

I think it's a brilliant invention.

-Right. Teams, have you got your answers ready?

-Yes.

Turn around so we can all see. Hold them up.

Hold them up. So, Reds, you've gone for six million years.

Yellows, 5.5 million years. That's very close answers there.

Very close answers. The real answer is...

100 million, which means the Reds are the closest. You get the point!

CHEERING

You were the closest, you win the point,

and at the end of that round, the scores are 2-1 to the Reds.

You're in the lead. Well done. Loads of time left.

That's all to come. Now it is time for mini science.

I'll be asking our teams

to conduct an experiment using ordinary household objects.

To make sure they're doing it right,

I've brought my old science teacher back through time to help.

There may have been a teensy mistake, though.

You see, when she entered my time machine,

she was 65 years old but when she stepped out again,

she was just ten. It is, of course, Mini Miss!

Richard, where's your tie?

Sorry, miss, left it at home.

-Your mother will be hearing about this.

-I'm sorry!

What are we doing today, miss?

DRONING

The water wheel must have stopped working again.

This lab is very green. It's powered by that water wheel outside,

but as a result, it's often very dark as well as very green.

Ninja Nan? Ninja Nan?

On the bike, please. We need power.

On the bike. That's what it's there for. She can move when she has to.

Thank you, Nan.

Back to today's experiment.

Today's teams are going to be making a vitamin C rocket

by using some empty small pots,

some water, some tablets and an angled launch pad.

Each team will get three attempts

and the team that gets their rocket to go furthest wins.

That's fantastic. How do they make this rocket?

Since we are making rockets, everyone has to put their safety goggles on.

Yeah. That's probably a good idea, rockets and goggles, I reckon.

Mind you, miss, they look great.

Thank you, Richard.

So what do we do?

To make the rockets, the teams have to put the water

-and the vitamin C tablet into this small pot.

-Right.

Then shut the lid. The teams could use whatever combination of water

and tablets they'd like and they can also change

the angle of the launch pad.

OK. OK. So there's a lot of variables in there.

Once the teams have put the water and the vitamin C tablet

into the small pot, they then have to shut the lid

very quickly and stick it onto the launch pad.

So they stick that there as the rocket on there...

And on the scoring, when your rocket goes off,

the lid will fire here across into the target zone.

Wherever it lands, not where it slides to,

where the lid lands is as far as you've got.

A lab rat will then come in and mark it with a flag.

The team that gets their lid the furthest,

their rocket the furthest, wins the point.

I'm now going to demonstrate but I'm going to hide my combination

and do it on the table so that none of the teams can see.

That's very secretive, miss.

First of all, I'm going to add the water.

So an undisclosed secret amount of water has gone in there.

Are you following this?

So some water in there but you're not saying how much.

I have also prepared a tablet that was in my pocket.

-So you're not saying it's a half, a quarter or a whole one.

-No.

She's smart, you see, my teacher.

-And now...

-Stand well back.

-Stand back.

What happens now?

Well, it works, miss. It does work.

I'm slightly frightened. That is brilliant.

Reds, you're in the lead,

which means you get to choose whether you go first or second.

-What do you want to do?

-Second.

If we're ready, then. Yellow Team, go.

What are you going to do?

We're going to use the half tablet and half the water.

So we're going to put the water in first to make your rocket fuel.

OK. That's just about half full of water.

Next thing to decide before you launch

is which angle you're going to have your launch pad at.

This is the sort of middle. It can go higher than that or lower.

-Higher.

-You think higher.

-Yeah.

Lab rat, higher, please.

You've got to lower the tablet in, get the lid on.

Put it on the launch area and we'll see what happens.

Well done. Very good work.

Right. Now we all wait.

And a good score straightaway. That landed in the six zone.

Well done!

Well done.

-What we doing to do?

-We're going to put a whole tablet.

A whole tablet going in but half water. Same water, more tablet.

-We've got to decide on the launch pad.

-Keep it where it is.

OK, OK.

Whoa! Well, it was a very fast launch there.

Into the four zone.

The Yellows are still ahead. Well done, Reds, though.

When those tablets are mixed with water, they start to fizz.

Fancy name for that is effervescence.

And that means it's releasing gas into the space above the water

and eventually, there just isn't enough room for any more gas

and the lid can't take it any more and it flies off.

Real rockets work in the same sort of way.

They don't load them with vitamin C

and stick them to a board of Velcro, but when those engines

make that huge explosion,

they're releasing gas and that's what's pushing them up into space.

So this is rocket science we're doing. It is. Right.

You must have come to a decision now. It's your second launch.

-What are you going to do?

-Full water and full tablet.

Good luck.

Whoa!

I think it was just behind that but that was a good successful launch.

Reds, step forwards.

Time for your second launch.

We're going to have full water and half tablet.

-What about the launch pad angle?

-We're going to move it down.

That hasn't been moved yet. There's middle or there's low.

Middle. Middle.

Lab rat, middle.

So, full water, half...

This has never been done.

It's nail biting.

There's nothing we can do but watch.

There we go. We're away.

It's building up power. It's building up power.

That gas is building up and firing it.

That was a very good go and that was a good shot.

What are you going to do?

This is your last attempt.

We're going to keep that the same

and we're going to try the same one we did.

Half water, half tablet.

Why are you sticking with that?

-Maybe the further back it is, maybe the further it goes.

-Good luck.

Hope you have a successful launch.

Good co-ordinated work on the launch there. That helps.

We're building up power.

-You have everything to play for now, Reds.

-Yeah.

That point is still up for grabs.

But you're going to have to beat that

and it was an almighty rocket launch.

-Any ideas?

-We're going with quarter water and...

-Quarter tablet.

And half water.

-And what you going to do about the angle?

-I think we should leave it.

All right. Good luck.

This is the last one.

If the Reds don't get further than that, the point goes to Yellows.

Go on, Josh.

We're waiting. Come on, Reds. This is crucial.

This is the point for you.

It was a huge launch but I don't think you were quite there!

Reds, that couldn't have been any closer, it really couldn't,

but Yellows, the point still goes to you. Well done to the Yellows.

So that means the score is two-all.

It is a draw right now.

Some of those lids move pretty fast when they're launched.

I reckon if we scaled things up a bit, we might not actually get

the blast lab into orbit,

but we could move something bigger, say, a tennis ball.

Tennis was invented in the 19th century

by two posh men on a lawn.

The record for the fastest serve in tennis

is 153 mph, held by an angry American called Andy.

We think we can do better.

Well practised in pushing back the boundaries

of both endurance and clothes sense,

these hero lab rats have volunteered to help us in our endeavours.

Years of military training and countless seconds in the gym

have produced these ultimate examples of the human form.

A sight to behold.

Let's see what they can do.

It's safe to say we're not going to break any records with these two.

We need more accuracy.

We need more power.

We need an expert.

Who is this strange-looking figure appearing from nowhere

to steal the lab rats' glory?

And why is he carrying a drainpipe?

Hello. I'm a spud launcher expert.

Spud launchers use compressed air

as the source of energy to fire the projectile.

In this case, a tennis ball.

When the trigger is pulled,

a valve releases the compressed gas into the barrel

where it rapidly expands, shooting the ball out at ridiculous speed.

Luckily, lab rats are stupid creatures

bred especially for this sort of thing.

This isn't something a normal person should ever attempt.

Three. Two. One.

Fire!

Oh, dear.

Poor, deluded lab rat. And to think that was on the lowest setting.

Take him off the course so we can hand

this world record bid over to the professionals.

Our spud launcher expert

is going to turn the compressed air up to full power.

Now we shall see what he's made of.

Hold it there because there's an extra point at stake for you.

Bearing in mind it's 2-2 right now, you need this point.

Do you think they'll break the world record or not? Red Team.

-We think they'll fail.

-Yellows?

-Fail.

-You think fail as well? OK. Well, let's find out if they do it.

We're turning the power up to full

to see if our expert can better Andy Roddick's record serve of 153 mph.

3...2...1...Fire!

So close!

Just 7 mph slower than the record.

So, no world record but this got me thinking.

With all this power at our disposal,

shouldn't we try and do something really important?

But what's more important than setting a new world record?

Of course! Chips.

Prepare for a brand new tennis stroke. The chip shot.

Finally, success.

Cold, uncooked chips. The food of champions.

There we go, they failed, that means you get a point

and you get a point,

so you're on 3 points apiece.

Both teams need to take your 3 points and get ready,

into your protective suits for the messy, mess test

which is next.

Just one thing. Not only did my lab rats fail to break the record

for the fastest serve, they then also used all that hi-tech

expensive equipment to make chips.

I don't know about you, that doesn't seem right. Lab rat!

Lab rat! I think my Ninja Nan needs a rest on that bike

giving us all our power, so on you get.

It's your turn to get pedalling.

That's it. OK, Nan.

You can get off and have a rest.

Not that you need a rest, you're a Ninja. Lab rat, start pedalling.

Pedal faster. Pedal properly. There you go, now.

Just keep going until I tell you to stop.

Which I probably won't, cos it's time for us to move on

to the messy, messy, mess test.

Which, today, is in the nuclear box and that's why you guys

needed the protective suits on.

-Are you all comfortable in there?

-Yeah.

-Right. This is the game.

Each of these pods here contains a fabulous prize.

Weather forecast watch, MP3 player, set of Robo-bugs.

The idea is to move them from here across to the other end of the box.

Obviously, you can't use your hands

cos they'd melt and drop off.

That's why you've got these tongs to handle them.

You pass them from one to the other, very carefully. Don't drop it.

If you drop it, it's out the game. Leave it where it is.

Players on the end, your job when it arrives with you,

turn round and put it in the basket.

The team to move the most prizes across the nuclear box

gets to take them home.

But the losing team has to blow their prizes up.

The score right now is 3-3

so there is no five second advantage, today.

When you hear the nuclear alert,

both teams can start at the same time, so you've got some time

to get as many of the prize pods across the box as possible.

If you drop one it's out of the game. We will be watching.

And that time starts...

Are you all ready? That time starts...now!

CHEERING AND SHOUTING

So, both teams off to a flying start

in my disgusting nuclear box gunge tank.

The Yellows' passing skills are looking good,

but they seem more than a little reluctant to let go of the pod.

No such trouble for the Reds, though.

I guess part of the problem here

is it's not the kind of thing any of our players

are likely to have practised.

Not much call for this sort of thing,

but they're getting some practice now.

The Reds take the lead and set the pace

while the Yellows are taking some time about things.

While the Red basket is filling up nicely,

it looks like the nuclear box has got the better of the Yellows

as they struggle on against the sea of gunge.

SIRENS BLARE

OK. That is it. Time's up. Stop.

It's time to find out who's won so we'll count up the pods.

Obviously I'm not going to do that myself

because that goo would melt all my flesh off

so I'll ask these lab rats.

Lab rat, how many have the Yellow Team got?

Three. Well done.

Lab rat, how many for the Red Team?

Five for the Reds. That means the Red Team are the winners!

Sorry, Yellow Team. Let's find out exactly what the Red Team have won.

For this I need my Ninja-trained Nan.

Ninja will tell us what you've won.

Each of you will be taking home an MP3 player,

a slime test lab,

a brain teaser jigsaw,

a Blast Lab goody bag,

and a lunar eclipse bedroom light.

All those prizes for the Red Team. Taking them home. Well done.

This bit is slightly more tricky, Yellow Team,

because you WOULD have won and taken home all of these things.

An adventure watch,

a slime test lab,

and finally, a lunar eclipse bedroom light, would have been yours.

Sadly, though, you're going to have to blow them up

because it is time for Bidet Goes Bang.

Well, we are at that point in the show. Yellow Team, how you feeling?

-Disappointed.

-Yeah. Bad luck. What went wrong, do you think?

We weren't fast enough.

Yeah. Could have been faster, you'd have got more in.

-It's difficult, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Who's going to press the plunger, blow up the prizes?

-All of us.

Together, all of you? OK. Right.

Well, Yellow Team, bad luck. Red Team, stop gloating.

You're not saying anything but I can hear it. Congratulations though.

You did well. You take all that home.

You guys are gonna blow yours up, so please lift the plunger.

No point putting it off. It would be unfair to let both teams

go away with prizes.

That's why, by law, we have to blow them up in a bidet.

It happens on all game shows. That's just how it is.

There's no putting it off any longer.

Your prizes are in position. Are you ready to blow them up?

Give you the countdown. Ready, everybody? 5...

4...3...

2...1...Go!

BOOMING AND GURGLING

Well, done, Yellows.

Unfortunately, that's all we've got time for.

Today, we have discovered how a build-up of pressure can be used

to launch rockets and make chips.

I'm thinking about combining the two

and sending the first chips into space.

But then I'd have to send salt into space...and vinegar...and ketchup.

It's just getting too complicated.

Let's just forget it. See you next time.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Blast Lab was recorded before a live studio audience.

No lab rat was harmed during the filming,

but there are a couple that won't be at work next week.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]