Episode 6 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, and welcome to Blast Lab.

Hello, and welcome to Bl... Hang on, what's going on?

Whoops, wrong week.

Are you me from the future?

Well, yes. You see, next Tuesday, you're ill,

and I've come back through time to stand in for you... Me.

Can you tell me anything from my future, then?

Well, no, I shouldn't, but seeing as you're you...me, us,

Next week when you test that nanoparticle accelerometer,

-make sure there's a lab rat standing in front of you.

-Why?

Let's just say there's a very good chance it'll go wrong

and the lab rat takes one for the team.

Well, rather him than you...me, us.

Anyway, I'd better be shoving off, you've got a show to do.

I'll see you in the future.

Hello, and welcome.

This IS Blast Lab and I AM its founder, Richard Hammond.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

In just several billion nanoseconds I shall be introducing two teams

who'll be undertaking some extremely clever

but a bit messy scientific challenges.

The winners will get great prizes,

the only thing the losers will get is a tissue,

to share. And it's only on loan till they've stopped crying.

Coming up today we have Fact Nav 2.0 with my fact-filled friend Oliver!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

In Mini Science the lab rats will be in the firing line

as the teams target a point.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Meanwhile some other lab rats

will be targeting the back of the net

with an extreme football experiment.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And we return with hankies at the ready

to the slimy, bogey mess created by my amazing Snot Bot!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So to protect this lab from any evildoers, the building is fitted

with an incredibly effective security system.

That security system is called Ninja Nan.

She's in the Nannex right now, let's take a peek at what she's up to.

What's she doing?

Oh, that's right, she's filling in her application

for the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

Don't know why she bothers, she's already been rejected twice.

Not because of her age,

but because the other competitors are scared. They won't fight.

Let's have a look at who's trying to get in my lab today.

Hello, welcome to the Nannex, but not the lab yet,

because we've got to make sure you're who you claim to be.

You claim to be the Red Team, identify yourselves by name please.

-Chris.

-Nicky.

-Kevin.

Chris, Nicky, Kevin, that's what I've got on my list, OK.

Under talent, Kevin, what are you going to do?

I can play the clarinet.

That's what it says here. You're going to have to prove that.

HE PLAYS AN ARPEGGIO

Banging tunes.

OK, fair enough, I believe you are the Red Team, come on into the lab.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome, chaps, nice to see you.

You're in, but not completely through security yet.

There's one final check. We agreed a password with the real Red Team.

If you are the real Red Team, you'll know what it is.

ALL: Bidet.

Yes, that's what I've got here. Why?

Cos when I was on holiday I didn't quite know what a bidet was,

and I sort of brushed my teeth in one.

Oh, Chris!

Everybody knows bidets are for blowing prizes up!

Everybody knows that.

Go and get settled in ready for the first round.

They are your Red Team, we know that much.

Now let's meet the bunch claiming to be the Yellow Team.

Hello. So you say you're the Yellow Team.

All right, what names have I got here, then?

-Georgina.

-Emma.

-Tanith.

Georgina, Emma, Tanith, yeah, that's what I've got. Fair enough.

Under talent, you won't believe what I've got,

it says all three of you can put your foot under your armpit

and hop at the same time.

Clearly you can't do that, you're not the Yellow Team, get out.

Unless you can. Can you?

ALL: Yes.

Well go on then.

I don't... This can't be...

What?!

What a ridiculous thing to be able to do,

but you must be the Yellow Team, come into the lab.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I'd really like to know, girls,

how did you find out you could do that? What a strange thing to do.

Fair enough. You're into the lab,

but you're not entirely through security yet.

Ninja Nan still has her eye on you, OK?

One final check, we agreed a password with the real Yellow Team.

If you are them, you'd know what it is.

What is the password?

ALL: Empty child.

That's what it says here. What does it mean?

We all love Doctor Who, and Empty Child's

-the only character that we're afraid of.

-Aah! Behind y...

No, you're all right. It was just a chair. Don't worry.

Go and get settled in for the first game. Good luck.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now let us meet a very special car indeed.

Very slow-moving, he may not be able to overtake a slow-moving badger,

but he can tell you what the Latin name for one is. Oliver!

No, it's not... That's not the Latin name, obviously,

that's Oliver's name for Oliver!

Good to see you, Oliver.

I'll get him docked into his Fact Nav system, just connect him up.

There. Right. Now, recently I bought a very expensive

and very hi-tech upgrade for Oliver, Fact Nav 2.0.

And it said in the instructions that it was simple to install

in two steps.

"Fantastic," I thought.

It's just that the first step turned out to be

"get a PhD in advanced micro-electronics,"

and the second step was "install it."

The result is, it works, sort of,

just that not every fact I get out of it is correct.

So teams, it's up to you to tell me whether they're true or false.

If it's true, Oliver will do this.

HORN BLARES

If it's false, he'll let us know by doing this.

SHIP'S HORN BLASTS

OK, simple enough. And here's how the game works.

Each team has on its side, three lights,

currently lit red.

Every time you answer a question correctly,

we will light a light green.

The first team to get all three lights lit green

will win the point, and we move on.

It's that simple. Oh, there's one other thing.

If you answer a question correctly your light turns green.

If you're wrong, they get a green light.

So you can win the game for the other team if you're not careful.

OK, everybody knows the rules.

Let's get on with it.

The first question is to decide who gets the first light lit green

and who takes control of the game.

So we start with a nearest-to question.

How tall was the smallest adult dog ever recorded?

I'll have the answer in centimetres, that seems best. OK?

Have a think.

How tall was the smallest adult dog ever recorded?

Oh, got to answer! There we go.

-Do both teams have an answer written down?

-Yes.

-Yes.

Good. Let's have a look, Yellows.

30 centimetres for the Yellows. Reds, what do you say?

20 centimetres. Both answers not that far apart.

The real answer was

6.5 centimetres, about there!

-So the Red Team win that one!

-Yes!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That means, Reds, you seize control right at the beginning, well done.

That's a green light lit for you, and you get the first question.

Concentrating, chaps?

Concentrate on this. It's very important.

Chewing gum comes from a tree. Is that true or false?

Chewing gum comes from a tree, is that true or false?

-What do you think?

-True.

-True.

You think it's true?

Let's find out from Oliver for your second green light,

or to make it a draw and give a green light to the Yellows. Oliver,

is it true or false?

HORN BLARES

It is true, well done! Well done Reds.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's actually made from chicle,

which is a gum made from the naseberry tree,

a tropical American fruit tree. I don't think it grows in packets,

you have to actually turn it into chewing gum. OK,

that's two green lights lit for the Reds,

you have none yet, Yellows,

now's your first chance to light one.

Bamboo is the fastest-growing grass on earth.

Is that true or false?

Bamboo is the fastest-growing grass on earth.

-Do you think that's true or false?

-True.

-True.

You're in agreement, you believe it's true.

Oliver, is it true or false?

HORN BLARES

-It's true!

-Yes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, Reds. Get this right, you win the game.

Get this wrong, it's a draw and they can win next time round.

OK, here is your science fact.

42% of the earth's surface is covered in water.

Is that true or false?

42% of the earth's surface is covered in water.

Is that true or false do you think?

-False.

-You think it's false.

Oliver, is it true or false?

SHIP'S HORN

Yes, it's false, that means the third light goes green,

the Reds win! Well done, Reds!

Yellows, I'm sorry.

Sorry, girls.

It's not over yet, don't worry. There's a lot more to come.

It's about 71% of the earth's surface is taken up with water,

including all the oceans, seas and lakes added together.

Right, so that means at the end of the first round,

with three lights lit green the Reds win that game,

and the score is 1-0 to the Reds.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now, I know a bit about science, but for this next experiment

I need someone who knows a lot about science,

so I've built a time machine to bring my old science teacher

from school through time to the lab to help me.

It went really well,

it's just that whilst doing it I got distracted.

Chuggington was on the telly,

and so I left the time machine on a bit too long.

So now my science teacher looks like a ten-year-old girl.

She is of course Mini Miss!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, Miss. Can I just say,

you taught me everything I know about science.

Well, it's not really something

for me to show off about though, is it, Richard?

No, Miss. So what will our teams be doing today?

Well, today we're going to be using leaf blowers and balls

to learn about air pressure, by playing...

Why are there two lab rats hanging from the ceiling up there?

Did they forget to do their homework?

No, Richard. They are the targets.

Oh, I'm getting the picture.

So our teams will use the leaf blowers behind them

to fire these balls at the lab rats, and because the air

coming out of the leaf blowers is moving faster than that around it,

the ball will be propelled, and hopefully hit the lab rat.

-That's right.

-I see.

The team with the most ball-covered lab rat once the time is up

wins the game.

OK, so that's the balls left sticking to the lab rat,

and it doesn't matter what colour, a red on the yellow side still counts.

Teams, be careful with you aim. The rules are clear I think,

we understand what we have to do.

Teams, you have some time to stick as many balls to your lab rat

using a leaf blower, and that some time starts, let's say, now.

Carry on.

'Gentlemen and ladies, start your engines.

'Oh, they have.

'And already we have Velcro ball on lab rat action.'

What we're watching is all about the Bernoulli principle.

Science says things like to be where there's low pressure.

Here, the leaf blowers are creating a column of fast-moving air,

and the faster the air goes, the lower the pressure of the air.

So there's a column of low-pressure air coming from the leaf blower,

which our beach balls just like to hang out in.

In theory this means we should be able to angle the blower,

and the balls shouldn't fall out of the jet,

even when it's not vertical.

It does look sometimes as though our teams

are just using the push of the air stream,

but that is the Bernoulli principle going on.

The reason the balls are sticking to the lab rats is Velcro,

the lab rats are covered with lots of tiny hooks,

and the balls with tiny loops.

So when the two come into contact they stick together.

It's not as uncomfortable as it looks for the lab rats, sadly.

'The teams just peppering their respective lab rats now,

'who really are beginning to resemble

'two lab rats wearing red and yellow sticky suits

'strung from the ceiling whilst two teams fire balls at them

'to try and win points on a science game show,

'which is exactly what they are. It's uncanny.

'It's neck and neck out there now,

'with nothing to separate the teams apart from the actual score.

'Oh, some classic skills on display here, absolute concentration

'from both teams.

'There really is no room for error with the standard set so high.'

SIREN BLARES

Time is up for both teams, come round here please.

Well done, that looked like hard work.

I think both teams did magnificently, now we must find out

who has got the most balls stuck to their lab rats.

So, let's have a look.

Count the number of balls sticking to that lab rat, please.

Oh, he really is stretching himself to do this(!)

Only so many fingers on his paws. 16? 16?!

16 balls on that lab rat for the Yellows, well done!

Now the Reds, now the Reds.

Ten...

Ten. 19. 19 for the Reds!

It's a win for the Reds!

It's a win for the Reds! That's takes the score to 2-0 to the Reds.

Of course, while firing balls at Lab Rats is certainly fun,

it is really only a minority sport.

I want to bring ball-firing science to the masses,

using something like football.

One pathetic example of, well, the human race,

better known as a typical lab rat, with one single goal -

to kick this ball into this goal.

I know he's not fit, but surely the water's going a bit far.

And crisps! Anyway, here he goes.

Oh, you've got to be kidding. After all that, he misses! Come on!

Incompetent fool!

HE SOBS

Oh!

All right, pull yourself together. It's not the end of the world.

Go and get the ball from over there and... Hang on a second.

You're not meant to go in there.

That's where I keep my time machine, the Cardis.

No, come back here with that!

This could end badly.

All right, look, whatever you do,

don't go too fast or you'll end up going back in time. Oh, no.

Oh, and now he's back. Who's that he's got with him? It can't be.

The legendary lab rat, legendary Dutch international football icon

from the legendary '80s. And he's come back from the past

to attempt to score the longest football goal ever!

There have been some really famous long-distance goals.

Rivaldo for Barcelona against Deportivo.

David Beckham from Man United versus Wimbledon.

Both scored from their own half, but there isn't an official world record

for the longest football goal,

so today we're going to try and set one.

Here we go. Marco's going to attempt to score from a pitch length away -

at least 90 metres.

He's come all the way from the '80s and he's missed an open goal.

It's time for real science to lend a hand.

What we need is my trusty air cannon.

Now we're going to see some special science.

For our air canon to work,

it's loaded with a football weighted with sand.

It's then filled with compressed air.

When the cannon is fired, this compressed air is quickly released

into the barrel of the cannon, with the force of this air

shooting the football out of the end.

So will science overcome the odds that all others have failed?

Will our football cannon score a goal and set a world record?

And will Marco's haircut ever come back into style?

Hold the experiment there, because there's a point up for grabs

for a question I'm going to ask.

The score is 2-0, so you can't take the lead,

but I think it's worth going for the point anyway. Here is the question.

Will my football cannon score a goal?

Some things you need to know. The football has been filled with sand

so it's less likely to get blown off course. That's important.

There is also no existing world record for this.

We are in uncharted territory. Yellows, what do you think?

-Yes.

-You think yes. Reds?

-Yeah.

-We think it will.

-You think yes. There's a point up for grabs.

Let's find out and carry on with the experiment.

It's all come to this very moment,

from a stupidly long run-up to an appalling shot.

To time-travelling cars and '80s icons who've come from the past

and yet still missed the goal.

And now here we are, with an air cannon.

Can this experiment be any weirder?

Let's find out with our attempt at

the world record longest football goal.

As you know, we've filled the ball with sand to keep it on course.

OK, is everyone ready?

Five, four,

three, two,

one, fire!

Oh, I can't believe it!

The air cannon has scored, nay, it has destroyed the goal.

So, conclusive proof that science can overcome all obstacles

and score the longest football goal ever.

APPLAUSE

I think we can safely say that that works, so that's a point apiece,

taking the score to 3-1. Well done, both teams.

Go and get into your protective suits, away you go.

Round of applause, as they get ready for the Messy Messy Mess Test.

We managed to not only score a goal

but completely destroy the actual goal as well.

I rather hope that's the end of the time-travelling today.

Oh, hang on a second, Marco,

you'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking.

If you are thinking what I think you're thinking,

you'd better not be thinking it.

Oh, no. Marco's stolen my time machine, the Cardis,

and has gone back in time again.

What's this? He's going to mess up the shot.

No, but science proved it - the ball was meant to go in the goal.

Oh, you've got to be kidding, not again.

He's gone back so he can re-take his original shot,

and this time, it's gone in. Do you know the worst bit?

You caused a rift in the space-time continuum

and now there are three of you. Brilliant(!)

And now it's time for...

..featuring, as well as our teams, my glorious Snot Bots.

They are brilliant. I've given them artificial intelligence,

possibly a bit too much,

because they have now started taking on human characteristics,

including catching a cold.

So I'm sorry about what you are standing in. It's not nice.

But in there, you will find prize discs.

Prizes include a voice warper, a weather station

and a metal detector. But look out for these red and yellow herrings.

You put one of these in your Snot Bots by accident,

you'll lose a prize disc. You have some time to get

as many of these prize discs into the Snot Bots as you can.

Reds are in the lead, so you get a five-second head start.

Yellows, you wait for the siren and then you start. Good luck.

You have some time to get as many of the prize discs

into the Snot Bots as you can. That time starts...now!

There go the Reds, bursting into action, full of enthusiasm.

The second siren sounds.

Can the Yellows make up the time?

I think yes might be the answer to that. They've got two discs.

The teams are queuing up with the discs,

but watch out for my sickly robot.

Oh, no, he might be about to sneeze!

Achoo!

If only we had some king-size metal tissues for his drainpipe nose!

Still unfazed, they continue about the age-old task

of collecting prize discs from a manmade pool

containing the snot of an allergy-ridden robot

with one nostril.

Another for the Reds.

Georgina bides her some time waiting for the Snot Bot's mouth to open.

And in it goes! Another disc for the Yellow team.

Now Chris has found a yellow disc, which he's discarded.

But what's this? Kevin sees the yellow disc

and he's buried it under the gunge.

That's not officially against the rules, but it's not very Blast Lab.

This team clearly will do anything to win.

It's a frantic pace the teams have set

and they maintain it in the pool,

displaying an almost obsessive attitude to the task before them.

Uh-oh! Alan might be about to unleash another avalanche of snot.

Oh!

Tanith throws to Georgina. Great catch there.

She's missed the Snot Bot, though. Let's see that again. It was close.

Heartbreak in the pool today. Just glanced off.

Some time is almost up. Georgina about to throw - it's in!

In the nick of some time, she's done it.

That is it! Time is up.

Yellows, I think that last one was the closest thing I've ever seen.

Fantastic! It went in.

Now we must find out which team has won.

We must count up the prize discs. lab rat, how many for the Yellows?

Total for the Yellows...is...six.

Six prizes. Well done. And for the Reds, what have we got?

For the Reds we have three.

That means the Yellows win! The Yellows win!

And it seems they're quite pleased. Let's find out what you've won.

Each of you will take home a super magnet kit.

Brain trainers for each of you.

Marine copter.

Tomb of doom.

Voice warper.

And a metal detector.

CHEERING

Yeah! That's the atmosphere on this side of the tank. Really good!

It's quieter over here.

I can't imagine why(!)

Tell you what we could do, just to pass the time -

let's find out what you would have won.

Each of you would have taken home a brain trainer.

That would have been nice.

A personal weather station.

GROANING

I know, it's... Oh!

And, for each of you, a puzzle cube. Yeah.

GROANING

I know, I know. But here's the thing -

it's not unusual to hear a bang in my lab,

but this bang is bigger than most and it involves those prizes,

because it is time for Bidet Goes Bang!

Yellows, well done.

It didn't look good for a while there,

but then at the last minute, look at that. You'll be taking those home.

Well done. The winners. Over here, it's the opposite story.

That's the funniest thing, because from the start you were great,

focused, and leading, and then lost. What happened?

-It fell apart.

-It all fell apart! That last game, it just...

went to bits in front of you and now you're wearing horrible gunge.

Chaps, I'm sorry, but to cheer you up,

I thought it might be nice if you blow up all your prizes instead.

OK. Right, follow me. It's time for...the walk of shame.

Coming through. Coming through.

Don't comfort me! I haven't lost!

It's come to this, then, lads. It's come to this.

Me, you, this plunger, an exploding bidet and your prizes.

They are brought together and then blown apart.

Lift the handle, please. Let's get on with it. We'll count them down.

From five, if we're ready.

Five, four,

three, two, one!

CHEERING

It was a pleasure having you.

You played well, and then you lost. Bad luck.

It has been a good day. We used a cannon to fire balls at a goal,

and, more importantly, shot lab rats with leaf blowers.

That reminds me, we didn't get them down from the roof.

I'll do it tomorrow. See you next time!

Well done, guys.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]