Episode 8 Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up

MUSIC: "Jerk It Out" by Caesars

Ladies and gentlemen!

If loving them's wrong, I don't ever want to be right!

Give it up for Sam and Mark!

Come on!

-Hello-o-o-o-o!

-Hello-o-o-o-o!

-Give me that! Come on, give me that!

-Wa-a-a-a-ay!

Come with me! Come with me!

High five! High five!

BOTH: Ye-e-e-ah!

Come on!

-Have it back, Gary! Have it back, mate! There we go!

-Come on over!

-Welcome to the weekend!

-I'll tell you what, I'm wasted on that job!

All aboard the Wind Up Express! Next stop, Good Times Central!

Whoo-hoo! APPLAUSE

We are going to take you on a journey filled with surprises,

pranks, wind-ups and so much more!

Oh, yes! One member of this studio audience is in for a surprise

when they discover that we've paid a visit to their house!

Yes! And you will not BELIEVE what we found there!

We've also been out with our hidden camera, so stay tuned to

see what happened when a Doctor Who wind-up took a turn for the worse!

-Move it forward, forward.

-Forwards.

-That's it!

-Keep it, push it forward. Watch, quickly!

-Stop! Stop!

Ohhhh!

-Tense!

-Special effects and everything!

-Oh, yes!

Now, keep watching because later in the show

two lucky families are going head-to-head

and trying to win what some people describe as the greatest

-prize ever given away on national television!

-A presenter!

-Yeah!

ALL: Woo-oo-oo-oo!

The question is...who's it going to be? Is it going to be me?

-Is it me?

-Is it me?

-Or is it him?

Hee-hee!

-It's definitely not him!

-Hee-hee!

-Definitely not him! Leave!

He's got the biggest cheer of the show!

One lucky family will be leaving today with either me

or Mark as their prize. And once we've been won, the rules are...

-There are no rules!

-Yes, they can do with us what they please!

So if you ever wanted a minor celebrity

to be your slave for the day, this is the show for you!

More of that later, because now it's time to give a big Wind Up

welcome to today's special guest.

It's Danny Anthony, aka Clyde from The Sarah Jane Adventures!

If that wasn't enough, we've also got music from Cover Drive,

who'll be performing Twilight right here in the Wind Up studio.

Give it up for Cover Drive, everybody.

APPLAUSE

But right now, I think it's time for less talk, more action.

Remember, this show is full to bursting with surprises and pranks,

and no-one is safe, especially if you're an embarrassing dad.

-Let's do this!

-All right.

Woo!

OK. Embarrassing dad. My radar is on today.

Let's flush one out.

-Callan. How you doing mate, you all right?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

-This is your dad, Clive, isn't it?

-Yes, it's my dad.

Yeah, and he spends quite a lot of time in the toilet, doesn't he?

-Yes.

-On it. On it.

Oh, yeah, on it, not in it!

Why do you spend so much time in the toilet, mate?

Don't go into too much detail. Family show.

Peace and quiet.

Now, how is this embarrassing? Is it just you can't get on the loo?

Well, kind of. He takes about ten minutes.

Yeah, that is pretty embarrassing!

Sam, have you got any more over there?

Hmmm.

Ten minutes? That's quick in my book!

Anyway, let's see who else we can get. Who have we got here?

-Hello, Phoebe.

-Hello.

-How you doing?

-Good.

Good. Now, a little dicky birdie tells me that your dad

-likes to speed walk, is that true?

-Yes.

For everybody who doesn't know, what is speed walking?

It's an embarrassing walk that he does every day.

It's an embarrassing walk that he does every day.

-What does he wear when he's speed walking?

-Fluorescent clothes.

You've got to be safe though, Phoebe, you've got to be safe.

-That is embarrassing. Where is your dad today?

-Working in London.

Oh, that's a shame. I'd have liked to have met him

and his embarrassing walk.

Actually Phoebe, your dad's not at work.

He's right here in the Wind Up studio.

Ladies and gentlemen, give a massive round of applause to Phoebe's dad!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Woo! Yeah!

Unbelievable, my friend. Come on, show me how do you that.

That's great. Love that.

That's great.

I reckon... yeah, I've found a new sport there, my friend.

That's awesome. That was like Usain Bolt.

If he, you know...just like that, yeah.

-Phoebe, how does that embarrass you?

-I loved that.

That pretty embarrassing for you, Phoebe?

Bless you. She's speechless!

Don't worry, because we will give your dad

the chance to redeem himself right here, in front of the whole country.

Dad, you need to go and get yourself ready.

Phoebe, come with me because it's time to play Dad On A Wheel.

Come on!

Now, Dad is backstage, just getting himself ready.

-Are you ready to see your dad as you've never seen him before?

-OK.

Audience, are you ready to see him as you've never seen him before?

Yes!

Everybody in the Wind Up audience, give it up for Dad On A Wheel.

# Dizzy

# I'm so dizzy my head is spinning #

All right!

Dad, you are looking good. How you feeling?

I'm feeling good.

-He's feeling good. All right.

-It looks like he's holding on tight.

If you've just tuned in, I'll explain what on earth is going on.

As you can see, we have a dad on a wheel split into six sections.

Sam, take over.

OK. As you can see, there are three gold sections.

Now, if Dad lands on Dad, he will win himself a prize.

-That'd be nice, wouldn't it?

-It would be fantastic.

Better still, if Dad lands on Audience, he will win a prize

for our entire studio audience.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But better, better still, if Dad lands on Star,

-he could win a prize for Phoebe.

-Yes, he could.

Yes, all right, pipe down.

She's got to answer the question correctly first.

So, what we're saying is, gold is good.

Red, however, is bad.

Yes, if Dad lands on red, he will come face to face with...

The Foaminater!

This week's foaminater is Danny Anthony,

aka Clive from The Sarah Jane Adventures.

Come on over, Danny. Come on over.

Come here, mate.

You are looking good, man. You are looking real good.

No more Mr Nice Guy. You know the score.

If Dad lands on red, you need to release a furious amount of foam

-right in his face.

-Furious.

-Furious.

Good. All right. We are ready. In that case, here we go.

Load of prizes, no big deal. Come on, Sam, wind up that wheel.

Here we go!

# Let's go round again

# Maybe we'll turn back the hands of time

# Let's go round again

# One more time

# Let's go round again... #

You have landed on Dad, which means you've won yourself a prize.

Let's see what it is. Have a look.

It's only a toolbox, with some tools to put in your toolbox.

We all need a toolbox, you know what I'm saying?

-OK, how you feeling, Dad?

-I'm feeling good.

Time for the second spin. Here we go!

# Let's go round again

# Maybe we'll turn back the hands of time

# Let's go round again... #

Yes!

You have landed on Star.

Over to you, Mark.

He's having a cracking time over there!

OK. Phoebe, the question is...

Which footballing dad has children

called Brooklyn, Romeo, Cruise and Harper Seven?

David Beckham.

You're going for David Beckham? Ohh.

You're right!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Let's have a look at your star prize.

-A wi-fi tablet? Very nice.

-Wow!

-What do you think of that, Phoebe?

-Pretty good.

-Pretty excellent, I would say.

-Time for the third and final spin.

-Are you OK, Dad?

-Absolutely.

-Excellent. Here we go.

Can we make it three prizes in a row?

We are about to find out.

-No way!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-You have landed on Star once again.

-Over to you, Mark.

OK, for the second star prize for you, Phoebe.

The question is,

Homer Simpson is the dad of which famous cartoon character?

-Bart Simpson.

-Oh!

LAUGHTER

-You've got it right again!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Let's have a look and see what you have won.

A hand-held games console.

Phoebe, you could open up your own electronics shop! That's amazing.

OK, that means, on the end of Dad On A Wheel,

Dad, you have won yourself some tools and a tool box to put them in,

a wi-fi tablet, whatever that is,

and you have won a games console as well.

The best thing about it is you didn't get foamed by the Foaminator.

I do think we should test to see if it is working.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

In three, two, one...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That was good. You have been a cracking sport.

Please give it up for our dad, everybody.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

There is more from Danny later on in the show.

That's not all, Phoebe. You have done really well.

You and your family have also won

the right to play for another special prize.

Check this out, it's pretty exciting.

Phoebe, we are inviting you to come back later

and play Win the Presenter.

But who will they be playing against?

It could be anyone in this audience tonight.

AUDIENCE: Whooo!

Keep watching to find out who it's going to be.

Let's take a look at what else is coming in today's show.

-You've got something on your suit.

-Foam.

Calling all Sarah Jane Adventures fans.

We are going to be catching up with Danny Anthony in a second.

And calling all Doctor Who fans.

We've got our biggest hidden camera prank yet

as we create our own Dalek that can read people's minds.

We have also got a cracking surprise in store involving

a member of this audience.

Right now it's back to Sam and Mark in the studio.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Lots of good stuff still to come on today's show.

If there is an alien in the Wind Up audience,

I advise you to leave the studio,

get in your UFO and leave planet Earth immediately.

Because if our next guest catches sight of you,

you are in big trouble.

It's the star of Sarah Jane Adventures, it's Danny Anthony.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

How are you doing, man? Are you all right? Good to see you.

-Take a seat.

-Thank you.

-It's nice and comfy, isn't it?

-Welcome to the show. How are you?

I'm very well. Lovely to be here. You are looking very dapper.

We borrowed our dads' suits.

I thought it was a bit big, actually.

Before we go any further, let's take a look at you in action,

doing your day job.

PHONE RINGS

-Hi, this is Clyde. Speak to me.

-PHONE CONTINUES RINGING

-Nice. Exciting stuff.

-The new series is looking great.

Do you sit back and relax at home and watch it like everyone else?

Yeah. I sit at home and watch it.

It brings back memories from filming it and stuff.

What has been your favourite series of Sarah Jane Adventures to film?

I would probably say the first series, it was all new to me then.

Meeting everyone for the first time and seeing the costumes and aliens.

Definitely my first series, I'd say.

You've had the privilege of working with the Doctor himself, Matt Smith.

Let's take a look at you two in action.

And...release!

Blimey! You really have changed faces, haven't you?

I couldn't see you before, I was too busy swapping.

-We are still cooking back here!

-Where is my gran?

Right, yes. Sorry. She is in danger. We'd better, uh...

-I can't turn round.

-You will have to shuffle backwards.

Yes, OK. Thank you, Clyde.

Even your eyes are different.

It is weird cos I thought the eyes would stay the same.

-Are you always white?

-I could be anything.

Is there a limit? How many times could you change?

507.

-Nice.

-I always think Matt Smith looks like a geography teacher.

He is the man with the floppiest hair in show business.

It's like this.

What is it like to work with Matt Smith?

He is the biggest ball of energy ever.

Really nice guy. Quite good at football. He used to play football.

Wasn't he going to be a professional footballer?

Yeah, for like, Norwich.

He is one of them annoying people that are good at everything.

-I hate those people.

-I'm like that.

Come on, Danny, be honest,

have you got your eye on his job?

-No, I'm not... Yes!

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah!

-Do you think you would make a good Doctor?

I would probably be the smallest ever Doctor.

I reckon I could be a Doctor.

-You are not small, are you?

-I'm tiny.

Come on, let's stand up. Let's have a look.

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah, you are pretty small.

That is the first time we have been taller than anybody.

Amazing. That's why I did that, I'm so sorry.

It's been great talking to you.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Danny Anthony.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Listen up, Danny, you might want to stick around.

We have a major Doctor Who-based wind-up coming later in the show.

Check this out.

Sonic toilet roll! A sonic sock!

I can see it but...

This is the new Doctor Who and I don't like it.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Intriguing stuff. Danny, what do you make of that?

I like the sound of a sonic toilet roll.

That pretty good.

Stay tuned to find out what that is all about later in the show.

That's just the kind of thing we get up to on Wind Up.

There is plenty more where that came from.

LAUGHTER

Three, two, one.

# Party rock is in the house tonight

# Everybody just have a good time

# And we're gonna make you lose your mind

# We just want to see you... #

You told me to pull it hard!

-Barnsley!

-Barnsley!

-Yorkshire!

-Yorkshire!

I'm from Italy.

-That's enough, thanks.

-Okily-dokily.

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

Brilliant!

I found that very, very disturbing.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Still to come, two families will be going head-to-head

in order to walk away with one of the greatest prizes ever given away.

-Me.

-Or me.

As we play Win the Presenter. We've met our first family, the Birds.

In case you missed it, we strapped embarrassing Nick onto a wheel

and gave him a spin. He did brilliantly.

He ended up winning two star prizes for Phoebe and a toolbox.

He's having a good day.

It's time to randomly select our second studio victim.

Let us introduce a friend of ours, bring on the Finger.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We have got a little treat. I'm bagging the red one.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the Finger of Fun.

Finger, we need you to select a mum that loves having some fun.

Finger of Fun, find us a mum! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Who is he going to pick?

Wavy hands, wavy, wavy.

He is really on top form, the Finger, tonight.

-Is he going to pick you?

-He doesn't know, he doesn't know.

It could be you! Not you, mate. Not you.

Who is it going to be?

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

The Finger has spoken.

-What is your name?

-Emma.

Emma, get yourself down here because it is time to have some fun.

It is time for The Prize Surprise.

Lovely Emma. How are you feeling?

Like someone is going to get into trouble later.

Who are you here with?

I'm here with my husband and my two daughters and my son.

To tell you the truth, we knew that.

They have been helping us out for the past few weeks.

We have been doing some digging.

We found out you've got a mouse in your house. Is that true?

LAUGHTER

No, my husband THINKS we have a mouse.

So you have never actually seen this mouse?

-NO-ONE has ever seen at this mouse.

-That is interesting.

We thought we'd investigate further. We took a trip to your house.

-LAUGHTER

-Do you want to see what we found?

LAUGHTER

I'm afraid we are going to have a look anyway.

-There is your stairway.

-Lovely stairway.

Lovely kitchen. Is that granite worktops? Yes, please.

-We can't see a mouse anywhere.

-No mouse.

-Where are we going now?

-The living room? Still no mouse.

LAUGHTER

How could you not find him? He's massive!

-LAUGHTER

-And he's reading your paper!

Emma, I think it is fair to say you have got a mouse in your house.

In fact, you could say...

(MIMES) # Hoots, man, there's a mouse loose about this house. #

LIVELY MUSIC

OK, OK. Stop the nonsense.

It's time to get serious. Be serious, Emma!

There is a massive mouse, there.

Because, Emma, once we discovered you did have a mouse,

we thought we did stick around, as you do.

We are about to ask you a series of questions based on

what your mouse gets up to when you're not around.

For example, we found out last Thursday at half past eight,

Mr Mouse felt like having a bit of a boogie.

He was dancing to your favourite band in your living room.

The cheeky little mouse, I can't believe it!

To win a prize, can you name what the band was?

Was it A) The Wanted, B) Take That or C) ABBA?

ABBA.

She seems very confident. You're going for C) ABBA.

Let's see if you're right.

MUSIC: "Dancing Queen" by ABBA

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I tell you what, he can move, that mouse.

-Look at that!

-Hello!

Very good.

No wonder he was making loads of noise, dancing around like that.

Well done. That means you have just won a prize for you and your family.

APPLAUSE

Mr Mouse likes nothing more than flicking through your old photos.

Who knows what old horrors may lurk within those pages?

I wouldn't want anyone looking through my photo album.

Yes, but what photo caught his eye?

Was it A) An embarrassing photo of you asleep on the settee, dribbling?

Was it B) A picture of you with a dodgy poodle perm haircut?

Or was it C) An embarrassing photo of you from your schooldays

compete with school uniform?

-It would be the school uniform.

-Interesting.

OK, let's see if you are right.

Look at him looking through. He's laughing at you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very good.

You are doing very well. I like the swept-back look. I think it's in.

You have not aged, Emma! Tell me what moisturiser you use, please.

-All right, that's enough.

-Sorry.

Emma, later on in the day, Mr Mouse felt like chilling out.

-Fair play, he had had a busy day.

-He certainly has.

He was doing what you sometimes do to unwind.

I'll give you a clue. It's a bit sneaky.

Was it A) Having a bubble bath, whilst reading a gossip magazine?

Was it B) Hiding in the shed with a cup of coffee?

Or C) Emma, lying in bed, eating a bowl of crisps,

having a drink whilst watching Come Dine With Me?

LAUGHTER

-He's on my bed!

-LAUGHTER

I don't know what you possibly could mean!

All right, let us have a look and see if you are right.

You're going for C).

LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I hope he doesn't leave any crumbs for you, Emma.

Congratulations, you've just won three prizes for your family.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Well done.

But right now we are going to wind things up a notch because

we are going to give you the chance to catch that mouse once and for all.

He's only come and followed you to the Wind Up studio.

He's not got a care in the world, spinning on that chair.

It's a proper dodgy suit, that.

As you can see, he is standing next to the star prize,

a HD TV and DVD.

That is a lot of letters.

If you manage to catch the mouse in 60 seconds,

that prize is yours.

This might help you, actually. Give me a push, Sam.

-This might help you, actually.

-Get that in your hands.

We've put 60 seconds on the clock.

"How will you find him?" I hear you ask. Simple.

Just follow the trail of cheese crumbs. Go, go, go!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-60 seconds!

-Come on!

-You are going the wrong way!

-Not that way! Come back!

-Emma, what on earth are you doing?

-Come back this way!

-That way!

-That cheese, that cheese!

-That way!

-Go, go, go!

-Run, run, run!

-You can do it! You can do it!

-Come on!

-Where are you?

Yes! Yes! Yes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Congratulations, Emma. You have done it!

You have caught the mouse and you have bagged this week's star prize.

-How are you feeling?

-Fantastic.

Watch that mouse, he hasn't had his jabs.

We're not done with you yet,

because you and your family are invited back later in the show

and you are going to take part in the grand finale

-to end all "granand finanails".

-Easy for you to say!

Something like that, anyway. Win the Presenter.

-Which means you could be leaving here in possession of me.

-Or me.

Let's give it up one more time for Emma and the mouse.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We are seconds away from today's You've Been Smarked.

I suggest you stay tuned.

One unlucky, I mean lucky, family,

will get to leave here today with either Sam or Mark.

That's right, it's Win the Presenter.

And if that isn't enough to whet your whistle,

we have also got Cover Drive performing their latest single

live in the Wind Up studio.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's time to wind things up a notch

and give somebody a right good Smarking.

As wind-ups go, this one's pretty big.

You may say it was out of this world.

If you're partial to a bit of Doctor ooh action, Doctor ooh,

Doctor Who action, all right!

Doctor Who action, you might want to listen up real good.

He ain't kidding.

For this wind-up to work, we needed to find three

of the biggest Doctor Who fans in Britain.

Scrap that, Europe. No, shut up, Sam, the world.

Scrap that, the solar system. That's what I'm saying to you.

Finished? Luckily for us, we knew just the people.

Meet Rowan, Alice and George. They appeared our hit show, TMI Friday.

-They were great fun.

-It was a Christmas show! Good times.

More importantly, it turned out that Rowan, Alice and George

were massive fans of a certain Doctor.

TMI is not the only show you are a massive fan of, is it?

-No.

-What's the show?

-Doctor Who.

-Of course it is.

Please give it up for Alice, Rowan and George.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Let's start at the beginning. We got in touch with your parents

and came up with a story about you winning a Doctor Who competition.

After weeks of secret planning, we were in business.

What were you expecting when you turned up on the day?

I wasn't really expecting that much.

I thought we'd be having a normal tour

and then just something extra.

Interesting. There was something extra!

-Shall we see how your day began?

-No!

It is all right, I promise you! Let's have a look.

'So there we are waiting for our sci-fi enthusiasts to arrive.

-'That's me.

-And that is me.

'Here they come. Let's Smark them.'

-Here come our winners.

-SQUEALING

'There's our three targets.

'And here is our Wind Up actor, Barry,

'posing as a producer from the Doctor Who series.

'He will be giving the guys the VIP treatment today, or so they think.'

Listen, today I'm going to give you a genuine

glimpse into the future of Doctor Who.

We are going on a special journey. Join me. Wave goodbye to the past.

We are going through time and space

as we journey into the world of Doctor Who.

'First stop, a photo-shoot.

'We've told them we'll add some special effects later,

'otherwise they'll be stood in front of a screen, looking silly. Oops!'

We need some promotional snaps, some photographs, for our website.

Really concentrate. Pout, pout! Now an action one.

Hold it, hold it. Now the aliens are going to come around you.

Aargh! Your feet, your toes, your legs.

Everybody to the right! Hold!

To the left! Hold!

He's going to shoot at you now! Ugh!

Hold it! Go down, George! Get lower!

Lower! One big heap with the aliens!

Oooh!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Did you guys used to be models? You were good at that.

ALL: No!

Let's talk about Barry, our Wind Up actor.

Did he make a believable Doctor Who producer?

-He was really good.

-He was really convincing.

I don't think I'd have believed it from a different actor.

It was amazing how good it was, how believable it all was.

-He'd done his research.

-It's time to get pranking.

After that nice, gentle opening,

the big question was how far could Barry push it?

I am happy to show you the future of Doctor Who, OK?

As long as you promise me you will not tell anybody.

In there is Doctor Who of the future. Can I trust you?

-Yes.

-OK, let us do the Doctor Who oath.

Make the D.

Then you make the W for Who.

Repeat after me.

-I...

-ALL: I...

-Name...

-ALL: Name...

No. Don't say name, say your name. Ready?

-I...

-I, Rowan...

-Do hereby swear...

-ALL: Do hereby swear...

-That I shall never...

-ALL: That I shall never...

Never, never, ever...

ALL: Never, never, ever...

-No, no, never...

-ALL: No, no, never...

Reveal any information to any living creature...

ALL: To any living creature...

-Whether animal, mineral...

-ALL: Whether animal, mineral...

-Or journalist...

-ALL: Or journalist.

'Absolute gibberish!'

ALL: And I hereby uphold...

-The intergalactic hypothalamus.

-ALL: The intergalactic hypothalamus.

Go, Gallifrey, go.

Go, Gallifrey, go.

'With the all-important but totally made-up oath out of the way,

'it's time for Rowan, Alice and George to access our top-secret lab.

-Are you ready?

-ALL: Yeah!

-What is your first impressions?

-It's really cool.

I'm going to start with the future Doctor Who.

Had you ever heard of Matt Smith before you saw he was Doctor Who?

All: No.

He has done this series,

after that, he's off to Hollywood.

We needed to think of a new Doctor,

a person that has a global recognition.

Like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

We are looking for a true global superstar.

-What about Stephen Fry?

-David Hasselhoff, I don't know!

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you

to the 12th Doctor Who.

LAUGHTER

-Simon Cowell.

-He is not really an actor, is he?

Simon Cowell, before he went into music, was an actor.

-Is he in American Idol now?

-No.

Is he going to do the X Factor?

-I don't know.

-No.

Really!?

Simon Cowell will give us the Dal-X Factor.

That's what we need.

If we have a new Doctor, we need to give him a new baddie.

This is the new baddy to fight the brand-new 12th Doctor Who.

LAUGHTER

Do you see the theme?

You're not so sure. Why?

Because it is not a monster, it's just a person's head.

It will be the baddie with the highest hair.

I really can't imagine Simon Cowell as an actor.

-Point out of 10 for this idea.

-One.

'They don't look convinced by Doctor Simon and the Jedward alien.

'What will they make of the rubbish gadgets we have knocked up?

-What is the Doctor's main weapon?

-Sonic screwdriver.

-Here is...

-A sonic sock.

-Exactly.

If he ever dropped his sonic screwdriver,

he could take off his sock and use it.

-What's that?

-Sonic sponge.

Simon Cowell, look at him. He sweats a lot, running around.

That could be useful for his personal hygiene.

-What is that, George?

-Sonic...toilet roll.

You can see him coming out of the room, Sonic toilet roll! Thank you.

'Have our cheap made-up gadgets, coiffed-up aliens

'and dodgy Doctor won them over?

'Let's get Barry out the way and find out.'

They can't be serious.

They must be joking. This is all so ridiculous.

Simon Cowell, I really can't imagine him as a Doctor.

-Jedward. Sonic toilet roll.

-Sonic toilet roll!

A sonic sock.

-These ones are quite nice.

-The drill is good, yeah.

They're good, I quite like them.

I can see it, but...

If this is new Doctor Who, and I don't like it.

APPLAUSE

"If this is the new Doctor Who, I don't like it!" Great quote!

George, why don't you think Simon Cowell would make a good Doctor?

He's just so well known as a music producer,

I just don't think he'd fit the part at all.

-You're probably right, actually.

-You're probably right!

And Alice, if Simon Cowell was a bit of a stretch of the imagination,

-what about Jedward as Doctor's new baddie?

-Er...

SAM LAUGHS

They're so nice, you can't see them as a baddie!

Finally, Rowan, what did you think about the sonic toilet paper?

Not a good idea, no!

The Doctor's got to have twosies as well.

Well, it was time to wind things up another notch

and introduce to you a little creation of ours. Over to you, Barry.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is genuinely the future of Doctor Who.

It's been nine, ten years in development,

its cost nearly a quarter of a million dollars,

-and it's been developed by NASA. Do you know what NASA is?

-Space...

The Space Agency.

It's been developed by them

because they understand robotics. I'll reveal it to you.

This, ladies and gentlemen,

this is wi-fi

artificial intelligence

NASA experiment,

or WAiNE, for short.

OK? Do you like him?

It has AI technology, and that's what I find so exciting.

This baby can think for itself, which means it can read...

-Minds.

-Exactly, and that's what's different. Shall I prove it?

Let's do that.

It's time for WAiNE to demonstrate its incredible mind-reading ability.

Well, sort of.

We've got their mums watching from a hidden room.

When the kids ask a question, they give us the answers,

making it look like WAiNE has supernatural powers.

You ask it a question that I don't know the answer to,

there's no way I could've programmed it into the computer.

Speak slowly, say, "WAiNE," and ask your question.

-WAiNE...

-Slowly.

Who is my favourite actor?

-(WHISPERING)

-Taylor Lautner?

-Is that his name?

-Yeah.

AS WAiNE: Taylor Lautner.

-Is that right? Who is it?

-Taylor Lautner!

-You see?

-How amazing is that?

-That's a good start for WAiNE. Next up, George.

WAiNE, what is the name of my dog?

-(WHISPERING)

-Poppy.

-Poppy?

(AS WAiNE) Poppy.

-Poppy.

-Is that right?

-Yeah.

-Yes!

WAiNE's done it again, and it looks like they're buying it.

WAiNE, what is the name of my cat?

-(WHISPERING)

-Indy.

-Indy?

(AS WAiNE) Indy.

-What is the name?

-Indy.

-Is that right?

That's three out of three for WAiNE,

but Rowan wants one more go just to be sure it really can read minds.

WAiNE, how many goldfish do I have?

-(WHISPERING)

-Her brother has one.

-Her brother has one?

-She's got none?

Think, think, think.

-(WHISPERING)

-You have none.

-You have none.

(AS WAiNE) Your brother has one.

You have none.

Is that right?

Your brother has one? You tricked me!

I didn't realise! I forgot that!

-Your brother does have one?

-Yeah.

-Yes, so that's four out of four.

Come on, guys, it's time to be honest now.

-We had you hook, line and sinker there, didn't we?

-Yeah!

What did you think of WAiNE when you saw him?

My first impression, it looked quite good,

something that could be a monster.

You were blown away by WAiNE's superpowers,

but things were about to take a turn for the worse

as we wound things up and discovered that WAiNE had a mind of his own.

If I think and I voice it, it will move.

WAiNE, move forward.

Stop!

Right, you have a go.

WAiNE, move to the left.

A little, a little!

-Stop, stop!

-Stop!

Oh, my goodness!

-George, you're next.

-WAiNE...

-Louder.

Move in a circle.

Hold the thing.

That's it, you are controlling it. That's it.

Left, left, and stop.

-Stop, stop, WAiNE.

-Oh, my goodness.

I can't tell it to stop because you're connected to that.

-Right, it's your go.

-WAiNE, move backwards.

Think it, think it, think it.

-Stop.

-Have you ever seen anything like this before?

-No.

-Is it the most awesome thing you've seen?

-Yeah.

-Marks out of 10?

-10.

-110.

-1,010.

'Well, they all seemed pretty impressed,

'but how will they feel if WAiNE malfunctions?'

Move backwards.

Go backwards.

-Stop.

-Stop, stop, stop!

-Forward, move it forward.

-Move forward.

That's it. Not so quickly!

Stop. Stop!

LOUD EXPLOSION

-Oh! Oh, my goodness!

-I'm so sorry!

That's a quarter of a million dollars! It's moving on its own!

-Turn it off!

-Stop!

-Stop, WAiNE!

-How do you turn it off?

-WAiNE!

-Stop!

LOUD BANG

Hang on, hang on, let me get the engineers.

Engineers! Quick!

'I think it's time to go and reveal ourselves

'before everything goes up in smoke.'

-What did you press?!

-I didn't press anything.

Engineers! Here they are.

Engineers, not aliens!

Actually, we're not even aliens.

-ALL:

-No!

No way!

We've just been doing our new show

and you have been well and truly smarked.

-Look at this bad boy here!

-Oh, my God!

-Cameras everywhere! How are you feeling?

-Oh, no.

-Did we get you good?

-Yeah.

APPLAUSE

Bless you.

Ahhh, we got you good, then, didn't we?

What did you think when you thought you'd destroyed WAiNE?

Loads of things were running through my head. Including the bank bill.

-How did you feel when we showed up at the end?

-Relieved.

And happy that the Simon Cowell and Jedward wasn't actually real.

Don't worry, Doctor Who, the next series is safe.

Listen, guys. We've got some good news for you.

We sent WAiNE back to NASA, they fixed him up and he's back.

Stop, stop, stop!

CHEERING

Old friends, reunited.

Well, you were well and truly smarked,

but they've been fantastic sports. Please, put your hands together

for Alex, Rob and George, and of course, WAiNE.

CHEERING

Well, if that wasn't exciting enough, it's now time to find out

which one of us is today's star prize.

It's time to Win the Presenter.

Win the Presenter, do you realise what those four words mean?

When people look back at this century,

-what are they going to remember?

-The royal wedding.

-Not that.

-The Olympics.

-No.

-Jedward?

-No.

Win the Presenter.

Are we crazy? Probably.

But, hey, that's how we roll. Work hard, play hard, live for today.

-We're pretty rock and roll.

-Are we out tonight?

-I can't, mate. I'm cooking a lasagne.

-Fair enough.

Welcome to Win the Presenter

and let's find out which presenter they're playing for today.

He's one in a million and not in a good way.

It's Mark!

Which means it's time to meet your host, Mr Sam Nixon.

CHEERING

Yeah! Woo! Welcome to Win the Presenter

where our two families go head-to-head to win...

-Mark Rhodes!

-Hello!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Today one of these two lucky families will get to take Mark home

and do anything they want with him, whether he likes it or not.

-Are you looking forward to being won?

-What do you think?

If I asked you the same question, what would you say to me?

-I'd say yeah.

-Yeah, of course you would.

Let's meet the families.

Now, Nick, we saw you earlier being strapped to a wheel.

This is a good chance for you to get some revenge

cos Dad On A Wheel,

-it's all Mark's idea.

-What?!

Do you want to introduce the rest of your team?

Absolutely. This is Phoebe, my daughter, obviously.

-Charlie, my son. And Laura, my wife.

-OK. Give it up for the Birds.

Now, the Birds, to get your hands on Mark,

you are going to have to beat the Brophys. Emma, we saw you

and your mouse in your lovely house. Oh, that rhymes!

Would you like to introduce the rest of your team, please?

This is my daughter, Izzy. My daughter, Phoebe.

-And my husband, Nigel.

-Give it up for the Brophys!

If you want some inspiration about what to do with

this very special prize, and he is special, look at his face there.

Ahhh. Just take a look at what our last winning family got up to

when they won the presenter.

-Hi, Chloe. Have you got lots of jobs for me?

-Yes.

Good girl.

TOILET FLUSHES

Hey!

Still warm!

Sam. Kennel. Now.

All right.

HORN BEEPS

LAUGHTER

All done. Guys, are you happy with the job I've done?

-All:

-Fantastic!

Good. The Birds and the Brophys, if you win Mark today,

that's what you could get Mark to do around your house.

Good luck. Bye.

So, the Birds, have you got any unpleasant jobs that need doing?

All righty. Bring the rabbit in at night, that's a job and a half.

-Really?!

-What?

Interesting, very interesting. Brophys, what about you?

We'd make him do pest control.

SAM LAUGHS

Not a bad idea at all. OK, Mark, you go and get yourself ready.

It's time for Chimp In A Chair.

Let me introduce to you, the Wind Up chair.

As you can see, there is a monkey spinning very quickly on that chair.

That dizzy fellow is Mark's pet chimp.

Once the chair stops spinning, our dizzy chimp will have 20 seconds

to grab as many of these Yorkshire puddings as possible.

The question is, how many will he be able to grab?

Families, you have five seconds to write down your answers.

Don't forget, it's going to be quite difficult for the monkey.

After he's spun around, his balance will be all over the shop.

OK. Write down your answer.

We're about to stop the chimp. In three, two, one. Stop the chimp!

OK. Chimp, go, go, go!

This way. This way.

This way!

Over there. On your feet, chimp. On your feet!

On your feet!

LAUGHTER

You've got to pick them up, chimp! Pick up the Yorkshire puddings!

KLAXON

Time is up. Stop, stop. Mark, come and help us.

OK, chimp, come over here. How many have you got? Wow.

Pretty busy chimp. Let's see how many you've got. Here we go.

Give me the Yorkshire puddings, you crazy monkey!

We've got one, we've got two.

CHEERING

So, the Birds. What was your guess? Tell us.

-Nine.

-Nine!

Interesting. The Brophys?

-Seven.

-Seven!

Which means, the Brophys, you are the closest, you get the points.

Congratulations.

CHEERING

OK, so that means the Brophys are in the lead. Interesting.

It's time to ask The Big Question.

OK, so the Birds, you need to win this round to stay in the game.

It's time for the big question.

Mark, he's not a bad-looking chap, but he's got a bit of a big head.

Yes, Mr Rhodes reckons that he's a better-looking version of this guy.

Yes, that's American Idol host and full-time dreamboat, Ryan Seacrest.

But, the big question is,

what percentage of the Wind Up studio audience agreed with Mark?

OK, families, please write down your answer.

We were once filming in America

and somebody did come up you in the street and say,

"Are you Ryan Seacrest?"

-They did.

-OK, families, time is up. I need you to write down your answer.

The Birds, this is a big moment for you. Tell us your answer.

45%.

45%...

AUDIENCE GROANS

The Brophys, tell us your answer.

-30.

-30%. AUDIENCE GROANS

OK. The nearest to it wins.

I can tell you the actual percentage of studio audience

who thought Mark was better-looking than Ryan Seacrest...

..is 65%

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Which means, the Bird family, you get the point which also means

we have a tie-break situation on our hands.

In fact, it's a Telepathic Tie-break situation. Run the sting.

OK, so, as we can't separate today's teams, we are going to find out

which of our families has the best connection with Mark.

In other words, which family can almost read his mind.

I am going to ask Mark a question

which he absolutely knows the answer to.

Both of our families will try and fish that answer

from out of his tiny, little brain by the power of telepathy.

Whichever family is closest, will win Mark.

Mark, come and join me over here. Mark Rhodes, everybody.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-All right? Good.

-Yeah, I am, actually.

Here comes your question.

How many episodes of CBBC quiz show, Copycats, have we recorded?

Now, Mark, think about the answer

and transmit it through the airwaves to the families.

OK, families, look into his eyes. Send the answer to them.

OK, once you've got the answer, guys, write it down.

Send it to them, Mark.

Time's up. Our families have written down their answers,

How many episodes of CBBC quiz show, Copycats, have we recorded?

-Mark, what's the answer?

-The answer, Sam, is 120.

-Interesting.

-Yeah.

So, the Birds, tell us your answer?

17.

LAUGHTER

Not that close and not too telepathic.

Copycats is on all the time!

-OK.

-Oh, no.

-The Brophys.

To win, closest wins.

Higher than 17, the Brophys could be getting the trophy.

-What's your answer?

-45.

45! Which means you are the winners and you have won Mr Mark Rhodes.

Get yourself over there, Mark.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Commiserations to the Bird family. Have you had a good day, guys?

We have, lovely.

Nick, you did a cracking job with Dad On The Wheel.

You won loads of prizes. Give it up for the Bird family!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The Brophys, congratulations, you have won your trophy.

You go and get yourself in position, Mark, show them the way.

OK, so, that is it. A big thank you to all the stars on today's show.

Danny, Anthony, Alice, Rowan and George and, of course, WAiNE.

All that's left for me to say is, Brophys, do with him what you wish.

Just make sure he's back in one piece for the next show. Off you go. Bye!

I'll miss him. I miss him.

Right now, ladies and gentlemen, let's end this show with a band.

This is a Cover Drive with Twilight.

# Twilight

# I'm in this twilight

# I'm loving this twi-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li

# Twilight

# Baby

# I've known it for a long, long time

# I never thought that we would find

# What we're holding in our hands

# Lately

# I've been thinking got to make you mine

# Been thinking that we're sure to find

# What we are What we are

# Oh, oh

# But you know

# I love to be in control

# Personally, I don't know what to do

# I'm losing it over you

# Oh-oh Ooh, love, ooh, love

# When you say my name

# I can feel the flame getting stronger

# Oh, let me hear you say

# Ooh, love, ooh, love

# We both feel the same

# And I can't play this game any longer

# I fall in love in this twilight

# I'm loving this twilight

# I'm loving this twi-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li

# Twilight

# Closer

# I love it when you lean in close

# You touch my heart like you don't know

# Let me show you, let me show you

# Now, you know I love to be in control

# Personally, I don't know what to do

# I'm losing it over you

# Ooh, love, ooh, love

# When you say my name

# I can feel the flame getting stronger

# Oh, let me hear you say

# Ooh, love, ooh, love

# We both feel the same

# And I can't play this game any longer

# Oh, boy, I'm loving this twilight

# I'm loving this twilight

# I'm loving this twi-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li

# Twilight

# Hey, girl, I think about you all the time

# I love your smile and the way that you shine

# Wondering how I'm gonna make you mine

# When it turns to night I will make you right

# So many things that we think to say

# Held in my heart for a day like today

# I wanna hold you till the light fades away

# I wanna hold you till the light fades away

# Ooh, love, ooh, love

# When you say my name

# I can feel the flame getting stronger

# Oh, let me hear you say

# Ooh, love, ooh, love

# We both feel the same

# I can't play this game any longer

# Oh, boy, I'm loving the twilight

# I'm loving this twilight

# I'm loving this twi-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li

# Twilight

# I'm loving this twilight

# I'm loving this twilight

# I'm loving this twi-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li

# Twlight

# Twilight. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

E-mail [email protected]