Lilygreen & Maguire Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up

THEY SCREAM

It's Friday, which means it's Wind-Up time.

The audience is here, but they're being kept waiting.

They could get up to all kinds of mischief.

Chimpy, put down those pants. You might get a shock!

Let's get this show on the road before this lot get out of control.

Run those titles!

# Wind me up, put me down

# Start me up and watch me go

# It's easy Once you know how it's done

# You can't stop now It's already begun. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together

for the duo that need no introduction,

but I'm going to do it anyway.

It's Sam and Mark!

CHEERING

Hello, hello, hello!

MARK LAUGHS

# The universe will never be the same

# I'm glad you came

# I'm glad you came. #

Oh! I'm so unfit. Welcome to the weekend!

Yes, and welcome to the Big Friday Wind-Up.

CHEERING This is where it's at.

Do not dare move a muscle, because if you do,

you may miss out on someone getting the chance to foam their dad.

And you may miss out on seeing what happened

when Mark and I took our wind-ups on the road

to surprise some of our viewers.

I'm meant to be getting married.

I can't believe this is happening, it's my wedding day!

Here comes Yannis. Your word is...

sausage.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Oh, yeah. It's good on this show.

-It really is.

Just when you thought we had nothing else left to give,

we've got a fantastic new pop group, Lilygreen And Maguire,

-performing right here.

-Yeah!

CHEERING

Very talented lads, looking forward to that.

Now, let's get this party started. Audience, are you sat comfortably?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

Well, that won't be for long,

because we are about to reveal a few little secrets about you.

Audience, we're coming to get you!

This is the part of the show

where everybody stays facing forward

because they don't want me to come to...

Look at you! Facing straight forward.

Because I know you're a little bit scared

because you don't want me to come and chat to you,

but somebody who should be scared is...you, Ashley.

-Hello. You all right? How are you doing, Ashley?

-All right.

-Now, is this your dad, Martin?

-It is, yes.

-How are you doing, Martin?

-I'm OK, yes, thanks.

-And Mum, Lisa?

-I'm OK, thank you.

-You all right? Good. Nice to see you.

I believe that your dad is a little bit embarrassing, is that right?

-Yes.

-What does he do that's so embarrassing?

-He trumps out in public all the time.

-Oh!

LAUGHTER

Martin, why do you trump out in public all the time?

-She's getting me mixed up with Lisa.

-Lisa, it's you, is it?!

-Is it you, Lisa?

-No, no.

-This must be embarrassing for you, I would imagine, as well?

-Yes, yes.

-Because he does it and leaves us, walks away.

-He just walks away?

-Smelly.

-Oh, no, Ashley, that is pretty embarrassing.

What do you want to say to your dad?

Go away somewhere else and then do it.

I think that's fair enough advice. Mark, that is pretty embarrassing.

Try and beat that.

Aw, well, I'll try my very best for you, Sam, OK?

Who have we got up here?

Your faces. "Oh, don't come to me, Mark, don't come to me!"

I am, however - I'll just squeeze past here -

going to come to you, Lydia. How are you doing?

Fine.

-Now, who's this sitting next to you?

-My mum.

-Yeah, what's her name?

-Kay.

-Hello, Kay, how are you doing?

-Hello. I'm good, thank you. Nervous.

Don't be. Am I getting a bit close? I'm sorry.

Lydia, I've heard a little story, a bit of an embarrassing story

involving a skiing trip.

-Is that true?

-Yeah.

-Go on, tell us all about it.

-I was in San Moritz and there was a slope like that.

-Snazzy.

Yeah. And I went down it really fast

and then my mum was going really slow and the poles,

she bumped into it and put her head first in the snow.

And then she got the pole

and snapped it in half and threw it down the hill.

-This was in front of people?

-Loads of people.

-Oh, no, not loads of people, Kay! What are you doing?

-I'm rubbish.

-I'm just rubbish at skiing.

-Oh, I'm sorry, Lydia.

That is very embarrassing. Sam, over to you, mate.

OK. I am now going to come and speak to...

you, Joe.

Hiya, Joe, are you all right?

Sorry, can I just get by a little bit? Thank you very much.

I might just come and sit on your knee, is that all right? Lovely.

-How are you doing, Joe, are you all right?

-I'm good.

-Good.

Now, for what possible reason do you think

I have come and sat next to you?

-Is it my dad dancing?

-Oh! Interesting!

Interesting! It is about your dad, actually.

Because we have heard on the grapevine

that your dad is a little bit embarrassing.

So what kind of things does he dance to?

Well, he dances to all these classic...

Like the classic rock stuff.

When he goes to parties it's just so embarrassing watching him dance.

Really? You say classic rock stuff,

now, we've heard that your dad modelled himself

on a particular pop star when he was younger.

Can you think who that might be?

-Oh, yeah, George Michael. He really likes him.

-Really?

Well, actually we've got a picture of your dad

looking a bit like George Michael. Let's take a look.

LAUGHTER

There he is. There he is!

That's what George Michael used to look like.

Now, in case any of you guys at home can't remember George Michael,

or don't know what he's like,

well, we are going to give you a little bit of a reminder right now.

Ladies and gentlemen, bring on Joe's dad!

MUSIC: "Faith" By George Michael

# I've gotta have faith

# I've gotta have faith, faith, faith I've gotta have faith, faith, faith

# Baby, I know you're asking me to stay... #

AUDIENCE CLAP ALONG

# Oh, I gotta have faith

# I've gotta have faith, faith, faith

# I've gotta have faith, faith, faith! #

Yeah!

CHEERING

Come here, George. What an absolute legend.

Please, give it up for Joe's dad, everyone!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

That was amazing. Joe was actually crying with laughter.

-How was that for you, Joe?

-Very embarrassing.

-I'll bet it was.

Don't worry, because now is your chance

to get your own back on your dad

for doing that to you on the television.

I can't believe you did that! Joe, come with me,

because it's time to play Dad On A Wheel. Come on, Joe.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Now, Joe's dad is just backstage getting ready.

-Joe, do you want to see what we've done to him?

-Yes.

Audience, do you want to see what we have done to Joe's dad?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

In that case, everyone, please, give it up for Dad On A Wheel!

CHEERING

-Dad, how much are you regretting embarrassing Joe?

-Never again.

-Never again!

-In case you haven't seen the show before,

I think you deserve an explanation about what's going on.

This is Dad On A Wheel.

It's the part of the show when we take a dad

and we put him...on a wheel.

That is not all, because we also spin him on the wheel. Oh, yes.

But why do we spin him? I hear you ask.

Just because it's a bit of a laugh, really. But there are other reasons.

As you can see, the wheel has three gold sections.

If Dad lands on Dad, he'll win himself a prize.

WHOOPING

You'll like this though, audience. If Dad lands on Audience

every one of you will win a prize!

CHEERING

And if Dad lands on Star, then Joe here will win a prize.

CHEERING

So what we're basically saying is gold is good.

But red...

is bad.

Well, actually, it's not that bad,

because if Dad lands in the red section, Joe gets to foam him!

CHEERING

And I get to do it with him as well, which is good.

-What do you think about that, Joe?

-I'm very, very happy.

-I bet you are.

-OK, let's get on with it. Joe, are you ready?

-Oh, yeah.

-Fantastic.

-Dad, are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-He's ready.

In that case, spin that dad and make him squeal. Come on, Sam!

ALL: Spin that wheel!

Here we go!

SHOUTING AND CHEERING

-Wait there one second.

-On the first one, a foaming!

OK, lads, you know what to do. In three, two, one, foam him!

CHEERING

Stop the foaming!

I've got it all over my suit, man!

-Dad, how are you feeling?

-Feeling good.

-Feeling good.

-OK, are you ready for your second spin?

-Let's have some more.

OK, here we go!

I can't believe it! It's landed on foam again. Double whammy!

-Good luck, mate.

-All right, lads. In three, two, one, foam him!

CHEERING

-Got him!

-Stop the foaming, stop the foaming.

200% polyester, Sam's suit!

How dare you(!) Shall we try and get a prize?

-Yeah, let's do it.

-OK, here we go with the final spin.

It's a hat-trick. It's a hat-trick!

I don't think we've got enough foam!

LAUGHTER

OK. For the third and final time, in three, two, one, foam him!

CHEERING

Yay!

So that means that at the end of Dad On A Wheel,

you didn't win any prizes and you got three foamings.

I can't believe it.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Well, you certainly got your own back there, mate. Did you have fun?

-Yes.

-You look like you did.

Let's hear it for Joe and his dad, everyone. Well done!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Yes. Just wipe me suit off.

OK, follow us over here

because waiting over here are our special guests.

It's Lilygreen And Maguire!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Hello, lads. How you doing, mate, all right?

Nice to see you.

-Aw!

-Welcome to the show.

-Thanks for having us.

-It's an absolute pleasure.

-Definitely.

-Before we go any further,

we can't call you Lilygreen And Maguire, it's formal.

-What are your first names?

-Jon.

-And Jon.

-Right.

-That makes things easy.

-Brilliant, Jon it is, then.

-We go by our second names as well,

but we're both called Jonathan Michael, that's our names.

-Jonathan Michael Maguire, Jonathan Michael Lilygreen.

-Oh, really?!

True story, that is. No fibs, true story.

-It must be fate or something.

-It was fate, it was meant to be.

It sounds good, Lilygreen And Maguire. You also sound like cops.

-We should do that.

-Oh, yeah.

Celebrities you may be, but safe from wind-ups you're not, are you?

No-one is safe on this show,

as these two found out when they arrived today.

Take a look at this.

Just through there.

CHIMPY YELPS

They've got us already!

Oh, lads! I haven't even had my hair done yet or anything.

High-five.

Ha-ha-ha!

-Brilliant.

-He's not even done his hair yet!

-Not even done his hair!

Sorry, mate.

High-fives to the chimp all-round.

I've always wanted to high-five a chimp.

Who hasn't, mate, who hasn't?

Making dreams come true right here on this show.

-Do you forgive us for doing that, lads?

-Of course we do.

-Thank you.

Now, you're a new band,

so what we want to know is pretty much everything about you.

Exactly. So, how long have you guys been together, then?

Three years we've known each other

and a year and a half we've been doing this.

It's been going all right so far. We were on tour with Olly Murs.

-Hello!

-Do you like Olly Murs, here?

-I'll just pick that name up off the floor.

-No big deal, no big deal!

-Deal with it.

-Nice.

It's true that you guys went on tour with Scouting For Girls.

-Which was really fun. Wicked.

-They were lovely. So lovely.

There's a lot of stuff of you guys online that I've been watching.

A lot of videos and that, of you guys,

and you really are such talented lads.

Would you say that's a great way for people to get themselves out there?

Yeah, absolutely.

I think that's the way we kind of got signed in the first place.

The guy from the record label that found us

saw a video of Jon playing online

and then I ended up going along to this meeting

and that's how we kind of started playing together as this duo.

-"Can I bring a friend?"

-It's a good job you went along to that meeting.

"Can I come?" "Yeah, all right!"

Lads, what are you going to be performing for us

at the end of the show?

We're going to be... Do you want to...

You both should know!

This is our new single coming out, it's called One More Time.

-Brilliant. We are looking forward to that.

-Thanks very much.

We'll be seeing that later on. It's lovely to have you here.

-Give it up.

-Likewise.

CHEERING

But right now, here's what else is coming up on today's show.

Stay tuned for some shocking wind-ups.

Watch out, there's a rhino about!

There he is! Lilygreen And Maguire, get away from the rhino!

The boys are in disguise to surprise.

And the Finger Of Fun is on the hunt for someone.

Tell you what, it's the show that just keeps on giving,

but right now, let us introduce you to some friends of ours.

Ladies and gentlemen, go wild for Aris, Sophia and Yannis!

-CHEERING

-Hello, guys.

-How you doing, you all right?

-Fine, thanks.

-Good.

It's nice to see you. Now, you guys, more than anyone else here,

know that no-one is safe, don't you?

-Yeah.

-Tell us why.

-Well, it was one day in the summer.

You met us and we didn't know it was you.

You had quite a good disguise, actually.

-Thank you very much for saying that.

-Nobody's ever said that before.

-No.

-Yes, indeed. Sam and I, we visited your town

and we played a little game called In Your Face.

And we did that for the whole day without you trying to recognise us.

Yes. And all we had to help us was an array of disguises.

Shall we see what happened, guys?

ALL: Yeah!

Yannis, if you want to do the honours, right down Camera Three.

Run VT.

Another quiet, sleepy day in Cheshire...

Until we showed up.

HORN BEEPS

Welcome to another edition of In Your Face.

But there's a twist, because this week's In Your Face

involves not one, not two, but three people.

-Which three?

-These three.

I'm taking Yannis...

And I'm taking his younger brother and sister, Aris and Sophia.

Hang on a second, that means I've got twice the chance of getting caught.

Aw, that's a shame(!) Good luck, mate.

The aim of the game is not to get recognised.

And we've got lots of costumes and cunning disguises to help.

And whoever gets away with it the longest is the winner.

But if they uncover our true identity

and make a positive ID right in our faces, then it's game over.

Let's get this contest started by playing round one, Milkman.

Will Sam and Mark be able to milk it for all it's worth,

or will they lose their bottle?

-First up, it's Milkman Mark.

-I'll have a pint of skimmed, please, mate.

-So, round one, how you feeling?

-Not nervous at all.

You know, I've got me grey sideburns, I've got me tache.

-Hey, job's a good 'un.

-OK, here's the rules for round one.

You're going to pull up your little milk float

and then Yannis is going to come down the street.

-You need to ask Yannis for directions to house number 64.

-Yeah, cool.

Don't forget, mate, if Yannis says you're Mark from Sam and Mark

it's game over at the first hurdle.

Game on.

Excuse me, mate,

I don't suppose you know where number 64 is round here, do you?

-Erm, 64?

-Yeah.

-No, not really.

-Do you not?

-No.

-On this road.

-You remind me of someone.

-'He is definitely suspicious.'

I've just... I've been working this street for about three years,

so I don't know.

-Ah.

-Number 63, on this road.

Yeah, I think it's either... I think it's down there.

-He's so suspicious.

-All right.

All right. Cheers, mate. Thanks very much. I'll try and risk it.

HE LAUGHS

That was a close call, Mark.

Ho-ho-ho!

-You are treading on thin ice, my friend.

-Serious.

The first thing he said to me, he said, "You remind me of someone."

And I was like, "Where do you go from there?"

-"Do you want a bottle of milk?"

-1-0 to Mark. Next up - Sam.

-Samski.

-Hello.

-Looking good as a milkman.

-Thanks, man.

-I want you to do some milkman banter.

-What kind of milkman banter?

-Whistle a jolly tune

while they're walking towards you.

-I'm going to whistle the Wind-Up theme tune.

-Are you crazy?

-That's silly.

-That's how daring I am.

-Ooh!

-All right, well, good luck.

Thank you.

Sam, they are coming, they are coming now.

HE WHISTLES WIND-UP THEME TUNE

Do you know where number 64 is?

-Probably down there.

-Down there? Nice one. Cheers, mate, cheers.

Down there.

Cheers, nice one, mate. Cheers. HE WHISTLES

I think he's very suspicious.

He is definitely suspicious.

He's looking back towards you.

Well done, mate.

-Two, two people!

-Yeah, I know.

-No-one recognised me. You, just the one.

Sophia was running towards you.

I thought she was coming out, "I want some milk. I want some milk."

I thought she was going to take me out.

-Look what I got us.

-Nice!

-All right!

So, Sam pulls it back to 1-1.

Let's move on to round two - Fitness Fanatic.

They really do wear some ridiculous stuff.

Will they get away with this one? Let's get physical and find out.

OK, Mark, round two. Are you ready and raring to go?

-Fit and raring to go, my friend.

-OK. I like it.

The rules for this one - Yannis is going to be walking in the park.

You need to run by him and then you also need to say a word, which

I will give to you in your ear at an appropriate time.

I'm a little bit nervous about the word cos I'll be

speaking like an American guy.

-Nice.

-Let's do this.

Here comes Yannis. Your word is "sausage".

-Hey, man.

-Hi.

-How you doing? How's this weather turning out?

Pretty good, huh? Yeah? Cool.

A bit like a big breakfast, like sausage and mash or something.

There, he said it.

-Now you're talking!

-Oh, man! I can't believe he didn't get you.

-And I even got sausages in there.

-I know.

I said breakfast, sausage and mash, though,

-I don't know whether that's going to work.

-Hey, why not?

-There's always time for sausage and mash.

-Do you want any now?

-No.

Hey, I could just eat sausage and mash. Anyway, Mark goes 2-1 up.

-Next it's Sam.

-Samski, looking good, mate. Wow, big muscles.

Is that getting in the way? Let me know if that's getting in the way.

-No, it's all right.

-Are you sure, cos it's pretty big?

-Positive.

Don't give it the big 'un cos then I'll give you a really hard word

-to get in.

-Oh, OK. Fair enough.

The word that I want you to get into the conversation is...aeroplane.

-Come on. Got to get fit.

-They're just laughing at him.

On an aeroplane tomorrow, going to Tenerife!

Whoo!

That wasn't a conversation.

He just shouted at them in a really bad Brummie accent.

I'm getting on a plane, going to Tenerife.

-Come on, we're going to Tenerife.

-Are we?

-Yeah. Let's go!

-You know what's next, don't you?

-What?

-We're dressing up as women.

I've got a good feeling about this.

-Yeah, you look good as a woman, I don't.

-Ha-ha!

So, that's 2-2. Back to you lot in t'studio.

Oh, yes,

we do wear some ridiculous outfits, but, Yannis, what did you mean

when you said, "You look familiar," when I was a milkman?

-Did you actually recognise it was me?

-I wasn't really sure it was you.

I knew you from somewhere, but I was just thinking,

"Who is this guy who just happens to meet me

"at the corner of my road in the morning?" And I'm like,

"I'm sure I know you from somewhere," but I just stayed quiet.

Plus, you remember the guy from 118, the advert?

-Oh, yeah!

-Good tache.

And, Aris, what were you thinking there at the end, because

-you were looking at back me? Were you suspicious at all?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

What were you thinking?

I were thinking it was one of you two because

-we were watching the show about one week before.

-Oh, really?

So we were fresh in your brain.

And, Sophia, you didn't have a clue, did you?

-I did till my brother said that your beard fell off.

-Wardrobe!

Wardrobe malfunction. Well, dropping off beards is weird

but it was about to get a lot weirder.

-So, guys, say the line down camera four. ARIS AND SOPHIA:

-Run VT!

Will Sam and Mark's damsel-in-distress act

get them to church on time?

First up, it's Mark.

-Well, you are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.

-Oh, get off.

I particularly like the chest hair and beard.

Don't try and sweet-talk me, I still want to win.

OK, here are the rules, man. You are a lost bride.

You are late for your wedding.

Yannis is going to be coming down the street, so when you see him,

you could tell him and you can make up any excuse that you like.

-Anything?

-Anything that you like, mate.

Oh, no. Oh, no. What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

Excuse me, do you know any taxi numbers, please?

-I'm late for my wedding.

-Sorry, I don't know.

-I'm late for my wedding.

I was supposed to be there at four o'clock

-and I'm already 15 minutes late.

-I'm sorry I can't help you.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah, I'm so sorry.

Do you think it is a sign that he does not love me any more?

-I don't know. I don't know him.

-His name is Sam.

-Sam?

-Hang about.

-Yes...

-Say it, please.

-Are you sure you don't know any taxi numbers?

-No, sorry I don't know.

-Say it!

-Sorry.

-Oh, man!

-Anybody know any taxi numbers?

-Ridiculous.

Look at your chest, your hairy chest! And your beard!

-Well, you're in the final.

-I am in the final. You're not yet.

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Here you go.

After that Oscar-winning performance, Mark leads

3-2, so the pressure is now a firmly on Samantha.

Well, well, well.

I think you are selling yourself a bit short there,

-I think you look like a lovely bride.

-Don't you patronise me.

-Yes, you look awful.

-I can't believe you've got through there.

-The pressure is on now.

-Remember, if you get caught, I'm the winner.

I know. I know.

Best acting, come on.

Excuse me, I don't suppose you've seen a wedding car down there,

-have you?

-No.

-I can't believe this. I am meant to be getting married.

The car was meant to be here at half-past.

-You have not seen one at all?

-No.

-I can't believe this.

Do you think this is a sign that I should not be marrying him?

I can't believe this is happening, it's my wedding day!

-I'm sorry, love. I'm sorry, love.

-Oh, no!

Fancy a trip to the final together? Yes! Oh, eh?

Wow, you are one ugly woman!

So, Sam has levelled it up at 3-3. Time for the decider.

Round four - Lucky Dip.

Both lads must choose one item from the mystery box of disguises.

Mark draws a bandanna. And Sam has got a comedy beard.

Now they're off to the ice rink

and whoever remains unidentified for the longest, is the winner.

Break a leg, chaps. So, here we go.

Sam closes in on Aris and Sophia. What is Mark doing here?

-Yes, we have a positive identification from Yannis.

-Mark.

Now, what his Sam up to?

He has won the game because Mark got spotted first,

so he is just having a bit of fun, really.

Are you all right?

Yes, yes, they've got him.

He is our winner.

-Woo-hoo!

-I know we made truly beautiful women

but I can't believe you didn't get us as brides. We had beards!

We really did. Come on then, Yannis, own up,

you must have known that was Mark from the beginning?

It was at the park that I realised it was either one of you two,

but because you had the disguise on, I couldn't tell which one was you,

so I was just going to save it till

I was certain which one of you it was.

So then when I was at the ice rink, I knew it was you

-because you had less disguise on, all you had was that...

-Bandanna.

I still had some of the make-up on from the bride, as well,

so I looked proper scary.

And what about you guys, what did you think when you saw me

dressed as a bride?

Let's be honest, I looked more like Heather from EastEnders.

-I knew it was you because...

-You had a beard.

I haven't seen any woman with a beard.

Well, I've seen a few in my time! No, let's not talk about that.

Thank you very much, guys. You've been great sports.

Give it up one more time for Aris, Sofia and Yannis.

Don't you dare miss some of Mark's Big Friday Wind-up,

-otherwise you'll miss all this.

-Oh, we are naughty.

-Hello.

-You guys have just been smart.

-Wind-Up.

-It's where it is at.

CLUCKS LOUDLY

THEY SCREAM

-100% prime time salmon, Mark.

-Yes.

-Hey, look who we have here.

-Hey, you know when you grow up,

you're going to be a fistful of fun.

Finger Of Fun, don't grow up too fast, will you?

Time just goes too fast, you want to stay young while you can,

I'll tell you that for free.

-Stop it now. Finger Of Fun, find us someone.

-Go!

# Who is it going to be?

# Who is it going to be? Not you... #

-It might be you.

-Wow! It could be...

# Who is it going to be? Not you. #

Oh... OK. All right.

The Finger Of Fun has made up its mind.

-What are your names, please?

-Kia and Kerry.

Excellent. I bet you're itching to find out what's in store for you,

-aren't you, girls?

-Yes.

-They looked petrified.

Get yourselves down here because it's time to play Prize Surprise.

Come on down.

-Welcome to the show, Kia and Kerry. Are you all right?

-Yes.

Excellent. You look a bit nervous, don't be nervous.

-Have you got any guesses of why you've been picked?

-No.

-OK.

Well, it's actually to do with your love of a particular animal.

Some people love cats, some people love dogs.

-What animal do you love, girls?

-Rhinos.

-Rhinos!

What is it that you love about rhinos so much?

They are just so cool and they are like unicorns but they're just big.

-You do know that unicorns don't exist, don't you?

-But rhinos do.

-That is true. She's got you there.

-She has so got me there.

What have you done to show your love for rhinos?

-We wrote a song at school.

-You did what, sorry?

-You wrote a song?

-Why did you say that?

-Why did you say that, Kerry?

-But I'm glad you did.

-You wrote a song about rhinos at school?

Everybody had to write a song.

Everybody had to write a song and you wrote one about rhinos

because you love rhinos.

A whole group sung it, but me and Kerry wrote it.

-So the lyrics were down to you?

-Yes.

-Interesting.

Does that song sound something like this?

# Did you know that I really love rhinos?

# Oh did you that I really love them?

# I can remember when I saw my first rhino

# I screamed and cried of happiness. #

-Wow!

-Brilliant. Very good.

I am impressed, girls. Lyrical genius. That is one catchy song.

Yes, you are through to boot camp.

It is so catchy, I've heard a few other people singing it.

-I say people, I meant celebrities.

-Indeed.

It would seemed that rhino fever is sweeping the nation

and anyone who is anyone is getting in on the act.

If I said I've heard JLS are fans of it,

-One Direction are fans of it, would you believe me?

-No.

-I'm about to cry!

-Don't cry.

But you'd better believe what Mark is talking about. Check this out, girls.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you The Rhino Song.

# Oh, did you know that I really love rhinos?

# Oh yes, did you know that I really love them?

# Boom-ba, doom-ba doom-ba, doom-ba

# I can remember when I saw my first rhino

# Oh I screamed and cried

# With happiness. #

That is hilarious!

Masterpiece right there. Number One. Number One.

Girls, we may be looking at a number one... Top Ten, anyway.

-What do you think of that? That was good, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

You're just giggling. We are going to make your rhino dreams come true.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please put your hands together for our special guest, the rhino!

Oh, you are joking.

Looks like our rhino, I think he has made a run for it.

I am so sorry about this, girls. It is very embarrassing.

Hang on, what is this? OK.

I am just hearing that apparently the rhino is somewhere nearby

and we can go to rhino cam right now.

Get away from the rhino! Get away from the rhino!

OK, so if you can find the rhino,

we are going to give you some seriously good prizes.

Girls, make sure you keep your eyes peeled

because there may be clues that will lead you to the rhino.

-OK, girls, are you ready to play find the rhino?

-Yes.

Girls, this could be your chance to come face-to-face with

something that you just love -

a rhino. The best of luck. 60 seconds on the clock. Go find the rhino.

Go, girls. Run! Run!

Run, girls! Run!

-Run! Follow the footprints.

-Come on, girls.

-Come on. 60 seconds.

-Run, girls, run!

-The lobster is showing you the way.

-Run!

I did not think I was going to say that today.

OK, girls, run.

Hurry up. Quicker!

Come on, girls. You can do it. Yes!

KLAXON

Wow, girls! Well done.

You have managed to find the rhino, which means you have a whole load of

rhino prizes plus tickets to a safari park where you can see a real rhino.

Girls, what's it like coming face-to-face with an actual rhino?

-Awesome!

-It's so cool, she loves it.

-Did you enjoy yourselves, girls?

Yeah.

We do apologise for the props involved here in that

segment of the show.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Kia,

Kerry and, of course, our rhino.

Rhinos can't wave! This is a miracle! Amazing.

We've come to the part of the show where the only thing

we've come to expect is the unexpected.

Yes, this is the part of the show that gives us sleepless nights

and makes me wish that I had my teddy bear Barney.

-I think you have said a little bit too much.

-I agree.

It's time for us to say, bring on the Truck Of Luck!

Inside this vehicle there is something waiting for us,

but Mark and I have no idea what it is,

but whatever it is, we just have to go with it.

Here we go. Mystery guest, please reveal yourself.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, no.

Wow. My goodness.

ACCORDION PLAYS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Amazing! Amazing!

That's all we've got time for, we'll see you next week.

-Guys, that was amazing! Hello. I'm Sam, are you all right?

-I'm Mark.

-Lovely to meet you.

-So what's the challenge?

Sam and Mark, for the next few minutes,

-we want you to become members of Mersey Morris Men.

-Lovely.

-And have a go at a traditional English Morris dance.

-Excellent!

That sounds good.

I'll be watching you carefully to see which of you shows

-the most promise. Good luck.

-Thank you very much.

-OK.

Thank you very much. How do you lot think we are going to do?

Studio audience,

we are going to ask you to vote for who you think will be the best.

-If you get it right, there's a prize in it for you.

-Yes.

AUDIENCE: Oh!

OK, you each have two cards. Blue for me and pink for Mark.

-So, please, make your decision and...

-BOTH: ..raise your cards!

CHEERING

-Oh, there's a lot for Mark.

-Quite a few Sams, as well.

A few more Marks...

-I don't know whether that's a good idea.

-All right, cheers, guys.

-OK, you best go and get ready.

-All right, let's do this!

And whilst we do that, take a look at the mischief

we've been getting up to.

Yes, we started winding up our studio audience

the minute they stepped through the doors today - take a look at this.

'Yes, take one fake photo booth and one trump machine

-'and this is what you get.'

-PARP!

LAUGHTER

PARP! LAUGHTER

PARP!

PARP!

PARP!

PARP!

PARP!

PARP!

PARP!

PARP!

Urgh!

PARP!

Was that you?!

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

BOTH: Wa-hey!

OK, now it's our time to prove ourselves. Let's get started, then.

Here we go...

MORRIS DANCING MUSIC

AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, my goodness! Wow!

-Follow me.

-Following you, following, following.

Following. Oh, wow.

There you go. Somebody's dropped their bell!

Wow, that is really difficult. That is really difficult.

-Very difficult indeed.

-Tony, it's all down to you to decide who one.

Well done. It was almost too close to call...

I was very impressed.

Sam, your footwork left nothing to the imagination...

LAUGHTER

-..and your prowess with a stick was absolutely mind-boggling.

-Thank you.

It was a bit shaky at first, then you really got to grips with it.

So it's very difficult to say, but I think, on balance,

I'm going to give the palm to...

-..Mark.

-CHEERING

Whoa! Yeah! Thank you!

-Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

-Yeah! All right!

So, it's a win for me, then,

and it's a win for everyone who voted for me, because you will all

receive a no-expense-spared Big Friday Wind-Up tie. Get in there!

-Oh!

-Thank you, thanks again!

To the Mersey Morris Men, thank you very much, guys, thank you.

-Give it up for them!

-APPLAUSE

Now, there's still more surprises to come

for members of our studio audience, but before that,

take a look at what the celebs are saying about Friday Wind-Up.

Thank you.

-DRAMATIC MUSIC

-Everybody loves us...

Sam and Mark, kids love them, but I'm not a kid.

-Everybody knows us...

-They were great in the bungalow, weren't they?

-No, that was Dick and Dom.

-Was it? Oh.

Everybody wants to be us...

Sam and Mark? Didn't they used to be singers?

Thank goodness they gave that up.

-He's Sam.

-He's Mark.

-We're kind of a big deal.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Whoa!

Yes, the Finger Of Fun is back with the show finale.

That's a bit weird! It's not over till the fat finger sings, yeah?

-Stop, stop, stop!

-The rhythm! Please!

-Sorry, OK.

In just a moment, the finger is going to find us two families

to take part in our final game, but who's it going to be?

I tell you something, whoever it is, they will have the chance to win

loads of goodies, including tonight's star prize, a games console.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

So, Finger Of Fun, find us a family, will you?

And stop him dancing!

CHEERING

# Who's it going to be?

# Who is it going to be? Not you. #

Are you a family?

Are you a family? Are you a family?

-Who-o-o-o is it going to be?

-Are you a family? Are you a family?

Oooh! Yeah!

All right!

Yes, the finger has made up its mind,

and our first family are...

the Donaghy family from Scotland! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But who will they be competing against?

-Come on, finger, off you go.

-Ooh... # Who's it going to be? #

-Could be anyone, if you're a family, that is.

-Who's it going to be?

A family...

Who's it going to be?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Who's it going to be? Who's it going to be? Who's it going to be?

Ooooh...

-Yeah!

-Hello!

Yes, it's the Copeland family from Wigan!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, you lot, get yourselves down here,

-because it's time to play Family Face-Off.

-Come on down, guys!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I reckon we should meet our two families properly. Here's Amy.

-How are you doing, Amy?

-I'm good, how are you?

-Very well, thank you.

You're Team Mark. Introduce the rest of your team, please?

-This is Jenny, my sister...

-Hiya.

-..my dad, Mark, and my mum, Irene.

Good name, good name, Dad. How are you doing, mate?

You are on Team Mark, so that's good, I like you.

Sam, who have you got over there?

-I've got Stephen. Are you all right, Stephen?

-Yeah.

-Plant it there.

Nice one, player. Introduce the rest of your team, please.

Here's my dad, Kevin, my sister, Catherine, and my mum, Sophie.

-Excellent, it's lovely to have you here.

-Right, let's get things going.

-Team Mark, are you ready?

-ALL: Yes!

Team Sam, are we ready? ALL: Yes!

In that case, what are we waiting for?

It's time for round one... THE UNDERPANTS OF CHAOS!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The observant amongst you may have noticed, yes, indeed,

we are wearing underpants over the tops of our suits.

-But we look good, don't we?

-Oh, yes. AUDIENCE: Ooh!

I think you're being very polite, audience,

but thank you. That's not the strange thing, though.

The strange thing is that these underpants are actually...

BOTH: ..electrifying!

-Ahh, shall we try them out?

-I suppose we have to test

to see if they're working. Powers that be, shock us...

-Oh!

-Ooh!

-ELECTRICAL BUZZING

-Argh!

-Yes, they're working, they're working! Stop it!

OK, here is how the game works.

-This is Team Sam.

-And this is Team mark.

Each team is going to tell us an interesting fact about themselves.

And then after that, the other team

must press one of the buttons in front of them

to show if they think the fact is true or false.

Now, if my team are right, Mark will get the shock.

-But if my team are wrong, then I get the shock.

-OK, simple. Let's play.

Team Sam, could you please give us your fact.

One of us has run three marathons.

Interesting, OK.

So, Team Mark, do you think that fact is true or false?

Your team starts now.

THEY CONFER

Please get it right, because I'll get the shock, if not.

BUZZER OK, Team Mark, your time is up.

Before you press the button, what are you actually going for,

-true or false? ALL:

-False.

-You're going for false.

So, if it's false, I will get the shock.

But if you've got this wrong and it's true, Mark will get the shock.

OK, press your false button in three, two, one...

Arggghhh!

-Nice work!

-Argh, man, it's false.

OK, Team Mark, it's now your turn to give us your fact.

Off you go.

-One of us has featured on a number one hit single.

-Oooh!

OK, right, Team Sam, what do you think? Your time starts now.

Please get it wrong,

because Sam gets another shock and I don't get any.

BUZZER

-Time's up. What are you going for?

-False.

-You're going for false.

OK. Here we go, press your false button in three, two, one...

Argh!

LAUGHTER

It was indeed false, so that means, at the end of the first round,

the scores are 1-1.

Nice one. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now it's time for round number two.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-This is a round we like to call...

-# Nice Knees-y. #

"Why?", I hear you ask.

Because it's all about knees, of course.

Now, in this stripy box, are members of our two families,

as well as one random member from our studio audience.

Each team has to decide which pair of knees

belong to their family member.

-Do you understand?

-ALL: Yes.

OK, in that case, drop your towels and start the clock.

LAUGHTER

Have a good look, guys.

Write down your answers.

You've not got long.

-BUZZER

-Time is up.

-OK, Team Sam, whose knees belong to your family?

-B.

-You're going for B.

-OK, Mark, what have you gone for?

-C.

-You've gone for C.

-OK, over to you, Sam.

-OK, my team, they went for B.

Let's see if you're right...

Yes!

APPLAUSE

-OK, and my team went for C.

-Let's see if you're right.

Yes!

APPLAUSE

Which means, random studio audience member, yes!

APPLAUSE

OK, thank you very much, random audience member,

and our two members of our teams!

Thank you!

-Come back over, dads, come back over.

-Come on, dads.

This is very exciting,

because we now have to go to a tie-breaker question,

because it's 2-2.

OK, before the show, we asked each member of our studio audience

if they had ever blamed the smell from their smelly feet

on someone else.

But what percentage do you think were completely revolting and said yes?

Interesting. Your time starts now.

You need to write down the percentage.

What percentage do you think has got the smelly feet?

Do they look like a smelly audience?

-BUZZER

-OK, write down the percentage.

-My team, what percentage are you going for?

-79%.

-79%.

-OK, my team, what have you gone for?

-30%.

-30%.

-OK, excuse me, let me just grab the...

-Oversized envelope.

-..answer.

Whoever is closest will be going through to the final round.

The answer is...

46%, which means Team Mark were the closest!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well done, Team Mark, you are through to the final round.

Please go and get yourselves ready, off you go. Team Mark, everyone.

Well done!

-Commiserations to my team. Have you enjoyed yourselves?

-Yeah.

-Fantastic.

High-five for the dads, you've got some great knees, there.

You know what I'm saying? Give it up for my team, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Here we go, let's play Stuck On You.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.

All right, playing this game, we have Mark and Jenny.

-How are you feeling, guys?

-Er...!

-How are you feeling, Jenny?

-All right!

All right!

-Are you digging the suits?

-Can I take it home with me?

-Depends how well you do!

-It's for my wife!

Fantastic. Here are the rules.

The Wind-Up audience is armed with hundreds of balls.

Wave them in the air, audience!

ALL: Whoo!

Now, you two have got 20 seconds to run around

and catch as many balls as you possibly can

using your sticky suits.

At the end of the game, we'll count up the balls

and see what prizes you qualify for.

OK, more than 20 balls, represented by this yellow line here,

you will win all these lovely board games.

-Very nice, very nice.

-AUDIENCE: Ooh!

More than 40 balls, represented by the blue line,

will get you all the board games,

plus tickets to the cinema for all the family!

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

It's a good price, it's not cheap.

And more than 60 balls, represented by this red line here,

you'll win the board games, cinema tickets,

plus tonight's star prize, a games console!

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

-Yes, please!

-But wait, that's not all,

because there is one golden ball out there.

If you manage to catch that,

-you'll get your hands on tonight's mystery prize.

-Oh, it's a mystery.

-Mark and Jenny, are you ready?

-Yes.

-Yes. There is only one rule -

you can't use your hands to pick up the balls. That's the only rule.

They're ready. The audience are definitely ready... Start the clock!

SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

-BUZZER

-OK, time's up, time's up! Come over here, guys.

-I think that took Jenny by surprise!

-HE LAUGHS

All right, you did well.

-Not done too bad, not done too bad.

-Here we go.

All right, come on, we can do this. We can do this. We can do this.

We're past the 20... You've got the board games, well done.

I think we're done on this side...

-Oh! Two balls, I didn't even know!

-Yeah!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

All right, so you went past the blue line,

which means you win the board games and the family cinema ticket.

-Are you all right, there?!

-Yeah!

-Have you had a good day?

-Yeah.

You've been absolutely fantastic.

It's almost time to wind up the show, but not before we have said

thank you to everyone that we surprised tonight.

And, of course, a big thank-you to our mystery guests,

the Mersey Morris Men, thank you very much.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

We'll see you next time, but before we go, playing us out,

Lilygreen And Maguire. Take it away, lads. See you!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Last night

# Was it the best or worst of your life

# Never again It's not happening tonight

# At least that's what we say in the morning

# Till we do it one more time

# Turn it up

# Cos every night, we get on it

# You can't deny

# When the sun comes up

# We'll say goodbye, then get on it One more time

# Turn it up, go who-oa

# Who-oa

# On it

# One more time

# Wake up

# I can't believe it's happened again

# You blame it on your stupid friends

# The same excuses but you can't fight

# One more party, one more time

# Turn it up

# Cos every night, we get on it

# You can't deny

# When the sun comes up

# We'll say goodbye, then get on it

# One more time

# Turn it up, go who-oa

# Who-oa

# On it

# One more time

# Turn it up, go who-oa

# Who-oa

# On it

# One more time

# You kill me one more time

# Here we go now, one more time

# Here we go now, one more time

# Here we go now, one more time

# The same excuses

# But it's all right

# One more party, one more time Yeah

# Turn it up, cos every night

# We get on it

# You can't deny

# When the sun comes up

# We'll say goodbye

# Then get on it

# One more time

# Turn it up, go wh-oa

# Who-oa

# On it

# One more time

# Turn it up, go wh-oa

# Who-oa

# On it

# One more time. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd