Episode 10 Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up

-Mark, what are you doing? It's the final show.

-Ow!

Coming up on tonight's show, we will show you

-some of the best bits from this series of Big Friday Wind-Up.

-Ooh!

-We'll also have a musical performance from The Vamps.

-Ooh!

And as if that wasn't enough,

-WE have got one or two big surprises coming your way.

-Ow!

Mark, I know it's exciting,

but do you have to make those ridiculous noises?

What are you talking about?

I just caught a reflection of myself in the mirror. Ooh!

Run the titles.

Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah!

MUSIC: "Jerk It Out" by Caesars

# Wind me up

# Wind me up, put me down start me up and watch me

# It's easy once you know how it's done #

# You can't stop now what's already begun... #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Big Friday Wind-Up.

My name is Poppy and I'm here to introduce your hosts.

It's the last in the series.

But don't worry, it'll be over soon.

Please welcome...Sam and Mark!

CHEERING

POP MUSIC PLAYS

LYRICS DROWNED OUT BY CHEERING

POW!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Ha! Whoo-hoo!

Ready? Set? Come on!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

-BOTH:

-Welcome to the weekend!

CHEERING AND WHOOPING

Awesome!

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid there's good news

and there's bad news.

-Bad news.

-It's the last show of the series.

-AUDIENCE:

-Oh...

-Good news.

-We're packing loads of stuff into it!

CHEERING

-Bad news.

-Mark's going to be here all night.

-Good news!

I'm going to be here all night! Yeah!

Bad news... Hang on, what did you just say?

Don't worry about it.

-Take a look at what's coming up tonight.

-Ooh, good news.

We've got some of this.

-Oh, my God, it's you!

-Oh, my God.

Oh. Come here.

A lot of this.

# Rice pudding, rice pudding rice pudding... #

And more than a bit of this.

That'll teach you.

And if that's not enough,

we'll also have

special games of Dad-Pin Bowling

and Rotation.

And a performance from The Vamps.

Ooh, we do spoil you.

CHEERING

Wow! It looks good, audience, eh?

But, hey, don't think you lot have got away scot-free.

Oh, no, it's time for us to get to know you guys a little bit better.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you. Thank you.

OK.

Time to speak to someone. And I'm going to come and speak to...

-Alice. How are you doing, Alice?

-Hmm...

-You look a bit shocked. Are you all right?

-Yeah.

-Now, I've heard that you've got an embarrassing mum.

-Yeah.

-What is your mum do when she's in the shower?

-Sings.

She sings in the shower? Oh, that's embarrassing.

-I've heard she also sings when she's on the toilet.

-Yeah.

Really? That's a little bit weird, isn't it?

-Does she also kiss Dad in front of you?

-Yes.

-Oh, is this mum here?

-Yes.

-High, Mum. How are you?

-I'm fine, thank you.

-Do you want to sing now?

-No.

That's pretty embarrassing. Mark, can you beat that?

I'm not going to loiter.

I'm going to try my very best for you. All right.

Um, where do I need to go?

OK, I am going to come and speak to...

Let me just carry on over here actually.

Just... Sorry, sorry. I'm getting in the way here. Sorry, sorry.

Are you having a good time? Yeah? Good. Good. Yeah.

Yeah. I...

..am going to come and speak to you, Sam.

Now, seeing as how it's the last show of the series,

it's about time one of us got a taste of our own medicine.

-Oh, what?! We normally pay the pranks on YOU.

-No!

It's you, Sam.

-Does your dad ever embarrass you in public at all?

-Well, he's all right.

-He's pretty cool, I think, my dad.

-Oh, right.

Where exactly is your dad this evening?

Well, he was sat in the audience.

-I can't seem to see him.

-Interesting.

Well, let me tell you, he's very proud of his baby boy. He really is.

And to prove it, he's here tonight.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Sam's dad, Dave!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: "Baby Face"

# Baby face

# You've got the cutest little baby face

# There's not another one could take your place

# Oh, baby face

# My poor heart is jumping Oh, you sure started something

# Baby face

# I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace

# I didn't need a shove

# Because I fell in love

# With your cute little baby face. #

CHEERING

-Come here, you.

-That was genius.

Good to nail it.

You sounded brilliant, Dave. What did you think of that, Sam?

-Good?

-Pretty good that, Dad. Cheers.

It sounded pretty good, Dad. I'm pretty impressed by that.

-And how was it for you, mate? Was that all right?

-Er, yeah.

-Happy with that?

-Weren't exactly X Factor, were it?

Dressed like that? No. As you may have guessed, we are

going to be playing Dad-Pin Bowling, but, as it's the last show,

there's a twist, because, Sam,

we don't put your lovely dad in the ball. Oh, no,

it's you who will be doing it tonight.

CHEERING

So, while he gets his head around that.

Let's take a look at some of the most embarrassing parents

we've seen in this series.

I wish I could do that again.

Hi, Astrid, it's me - Anton du Beke from Strictly Come Dancing.

I think it's great that your mum puts on a wedding dress

and dances along to Strictly.

Well, I for one would LOVE to see that. Yes!

-MR D:

-'Dancing the wedding dance, please welcome, Astrid's mum Tyra.

MUSIC: "Theme Music: Strictly Come Dancing"

Do you recognise this person?

Please welcome Beau's mum, Lara!

MUSIC: "Wings" by Little Mix

# She said, "Spread your wings my little butterfly

# "Don't let what they say keep you up at night..." #

Why did you do this to me?

# "..Then they can walk on by"... #

# You don't talk to your friends talk to my friends

# Talk to me

# But we will never, ever, ever

# Getting back together... #

CHEERING

-Ladies and gentlemen, it's only my old mate Olly Murs.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

Hi, Sam. Hi, Mark. I need your help.

I'm looking for Lois.

Your dad is backstage right now.

Everyone, give it up for Adrian!

# Oh, nah, nah, what's my name?

# Oh, nah, nah

# What's my name? Oh, nah, nah

# What's my name, what's my name, what's my name? #

Give it up for Lois's nan, Alice!

CHEERING

ALICE HOOTS HOOTER IN TIME TO MUSIC

# Me Lois' nana, have got a banana

# She has a scooter Hear you've got a hooter... #

# Jack

# Jack

# Jack

# Jack

# I love him with all my heart

# I never want to be apart

# Jack... #

CHEERING

Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Rhiannon's daddy.

It's Gavin, everyone !

MUSIC: "I'm In The Mood For Dancing"

# I'm in the mood for dancing

# Romancing

# You know I shan't ever stop tonight... #

# Baby, baby, baby, oh

# Like baby, baby, baby, no

# Like, baby, baby, baby, oh

# I thought you'd always be mine... #

# ..Dance! #

CHEERING

Rhiannon, what did you think of that?

Embarrassing.

CHEERING

Well, there are some shocking sights there but none as shocking

as the one we're about to see. Dave, are you ready for this?

-I'm ready, Mark.

-Yes!

-Audience, are you ready?

-YES!

-In that case,

bring on the Sam!

# Moving on up

# Moving on out

# Moving on up

# Nothing can stop me

# Moving on up Yeah, moving on out... #

Oh, mate, how are you feeling?

I feel pretty good, mate.

-You look spectacular.

-Thanks.

OK, Dave, this is a very simple game.

All you have to do, is use the controls in front of you

to determine how far back Sam goes before we release him.

-Understand?

-All right.

If Sam manages to get all the skittles down in one go...

STEE-RIKE!

..or two goes...

SPARE!

..David, here, will win a prize.

But if he doesn't, Dave gets to foam Sam anyway.

-Oh, what?!

-You know the rules, mate. You know the rules.

-Oh, man.

You're a winner either way, so this will be great. But wait,

that's not all, because there's also a very special golden skittle.

-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

If that gets knocked down, every member of our studio audience

wins a prize. What do you think of that?

-All right? Sam?

-Yeah?

-I'm going to turn you round.

-Do I win a prize?

-No.

-Why not?

-The audience wins a prize.

-Do I win a prize?

-No!

-Oh, man.

I was hoping for some board games.

-I tell you what, if you knock all the skittles down...

-Yeah?

..you'll have my, um... I don't know.

You'll have my respect, not any prizes. Are you ready, mate?

-I'm ready.

-Is that all right?

Like a ninja or something. I'm turning. I'm turning.

I want to get face on.

Let's get on with it. It's time to wind up your Sam.

-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

Audience, how far shall we take him?

-All the way.

-OK, Dave, are you happy where he is?

-Yeah.

-Amazing. All right. Without further ado, are you happy, Sam?

-Yeah, I'm getting them, Dad. Here we go.

-I like his fighting talk.

In that case, release the Sam!

CHEERING

Come on. Come on.

Oh...

Oh, oh, oh...

CHEERING

Oh...

Ooh!

OK, you've got... Look at him flapping around!

..nine down and also, well done, mate,

you knocked down the golden skittle.

so every member...

of our studio audience wins a bag of pick-and-mix!

CHEERING

All right, Sam, you've got one more chance to knock down the pins.

So what are we going to do?

We are going to...wind up the Sam. Go on!

CHEERING

Audience, where shall we take him?

-Higher. AUDIENCE:

-Up!

All right.

Dave, are you happy? I'm just going to turn him.

We want you to get these prizes.

Here he is.

Give me a good push from the side.

-I will.

-Turn me round. Turn me round. I want to be facing them.

I'm getting it down.

Which way, Sam? I want you to get this.

-What happens if I get it down?

-Well, you'll find out.

-OK.

-All right.

-Just give me a good push. A good one.

All right, Dave. In three, two, one. Release the Sam!

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Cone back! Come back! Come back! Come back!

CHEERING

That's a spare. Yes!

LAUGHTER

You really wanted to do that, didn't you?

Amazing. Which means,

that you've won your dad a prize. Some comfortable slippers!

CHEERING

-That's a cracking prize.

-And board games?

-No board games.

At least not for you anyway.

-You know what's coming now, don't you?

-Oh, man.

You know what, Dave? Shall we foam Sam?

-Shall we foam Sam, audience?

-Yes.

-Bring on the Foaminator!

All right.

In my contract...

Sam, do you know how long I've been waiting to do this?

You have no idea. I'm turning you round.

You're going to get it right in your face.

-Are you all right?

-I'm all right.

Look at his little face. All right. Get out the way.

All right.

OK, Dave,

in three, two, one. Foam the Sam!

CHEERING

Get his face.

Yes!

MARK CACKLES

That was amazing!

Dave...

Dave, have you had fun, mate?

-Yes.

-I have, as well. It's been absolutely brilliant.

Let's hear it for Sam and Dave everyone.

Come on, mate. Brilliant.

-Sam, do you want to come down now?

-Yes, please.

-And you're feeling all right?

-Yeah, I'm all right.

-Bit wet.

Bit wet and cold!

OK, while we try to sort that out, let's take a look at some

of the celebs who've made this series of Wind-Up such a success.

Personally, I think we should leave him there.

-AUDIENCE:

-Yeah!

MARK LAUGHS

# All those tears I watched you fake

# Thinking I was doing you wrong

# When you were my girl... #

-Adam?

-La cuenta, por favor.

He's absolutely right!

As you can see, it's causing quite a commotion.

Hello, fellas.

It's Yonko!

Bobby Lockwood here on the set of series three of Wolfblood.

Do you know what? I get a lot of stick about my hair.

-I love your hair!

-No, don't touch it.

THEY LAUGH

I've also got Union J with me.

Aaargh!

-You ain't my mother!

-Yes, I am!

EASTENDERS DUFF DUFFS

I made you laugh!

-Let's wind them up.

-Let's do it.

-Let's do it.

Hi. How you doing?

'The girls have just arrived at BBC reception.'

Hi, everyone.

Welcome to BBC, Jessie J FM. How you doing?

'Beth, Mia and Olivia think they're here to see the launch of the

'Jessie J radio station that plays nothing but Jessie J 24 hours a day.'

Let's do it. Cool. Do you want to follow me? Let's go.

-ALL:

-Three, two, one...

-'And we're live.'

-Woo-hoo!

# BBC JJ FM. #

It's the launch day. The day has finally arrived.

24-hours a day, seven days a week, we will be playing Jessie J

songs and chatting to some of Jessie J's biggest fans.

Let's get things started with some music. Hit it, Olivia.

MUSIC STARTS AND STOPS

MUSIC STARTS AND STOPS

'Oh, that's awkward!'

PHONE RINGS

Pick it up, pick it up.

-Hello?

-It's Jessie J's manager.

Listen, Jessie won't be able to make it to the launch.

She's double booked her Bhangracise class.

I'm really sorry, guys, OK? Bye!

Bye-bye.

-Jessie J's not coming.

-What?

She's not coming. That was the manager.

-What?

-Oh, no. They're gutted!

-She's double booked.

-DJ:

-She's double booked?

-Yeah, so she can't...

-That's nice, isn't it?

-MAN:

-'Caller on line one.'

-We've got to do a phone-in now.

I'm really sorry, but will you pretend to be Jessie J for us?

-What shall I say?

-MAN:

-'Line two.'

-Hello, Jessie!

-Hey.

It's Mr Jenkins here, your old music teacher! Do you remember me?

Oh, yeah.

Can we do a little bit of a singsong like old times, Jessie?

All right.

# Dirty dancing in the moonlight

# Take me down like I'm a domino... #

Oh, that was amazing. Jessie, thank you so much!

That was brilliant. How amazing was that?

Did I sound like her?

You sounded like her, as well!

'Caller on line two.'

-JESSIE:

-Hello there.

-'It's only Jessie J herself!'

-Hi, how you doing?

-Hi, I'm good, how are you?

Good, thank you very much.

I'm just phoning because I've got a little inkling to believe

that you guys aren't really Jessie J.

'Ooh, have the girls been rumbled?'

-What makes you think that?

-I don't know.

I just don't feel like your answers are kind of what she would say.

Jessie is here now and she can speak for herself.

She can answer that.

How is Jessie in the room?

I know Jessie wouldn't be in the room,

because I'm Jessie J.

# It's not about the money, money, money

# We don't need your money, money, money... #

Hello!

-GIRLS:

-Hi!

You guys were pretending to be me.

-Hello. Hello.

-Hi.

-How's it going?

-Good.

-How are you guys? How old are you?

-I'm 11.

-Have you been having fun?

-Yes!

Absolutely amazing.

-What's been the best bit?

-Meeting you.

'Great smarking from Jessie J there and who could forget

'Jessica and Niamh, two massive Union J fans.

'They got the surprise of their lives

'when they were smarked by a ridiculous looking Union J,

'who were only hiding out in the room next door!

'What are we like?'

You've got to empty the bin and get the word butternut squash

in before you leave.

'I wonder if the girls'll recognise him.'

Now, when did you first start to like Union J?

Oh, oh! Hello, guys. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry.

I have to empty the bin, like.

-Do you know why the lads are called Union J?

-Because...

Look, there's a butternut squash down here, like!

-Or doing...

-Oh, I'm really sorry, guys.

This was where my tour party was supposed to be meeting.

Sorry, mate, no.

Could you tell me which way to go to Li-chester Square?

-Do you mean Leicester Square?

-Li-chester Square.

THEY LAUGH

I'm from Australia. I don't even know where I'm going!

Union J, according to me, would be red...

'The girls are looking pretty suspicious.'

What are you doing?

Would you leave, please. We're doing a...

THEY LAUGH

What would you ask them if you saw them?

You want to ask so many things...

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Room service?

-Yeah, you can come in.

-Room service?

'Oh, was George giving the game away?'

Ordered drinks here...

Oh, no, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry.

-You OK, sir?

-No, not really, mate.

-Not really.

-I dab you with my thing. Did I get you?

Oh, so sorry. So sorry.

-I'm so sorry, sir.

-George...

MARK LAUGHS

CHEERING

I've got to say, lads, you were absolutely fantastic.

'And even Lawson got in on the wind-ups.'

Let's go!

'So, our massive Lawson fans head to the venue,

'thinking they are going to be filming a special backstage

'item for a new Superfan programme.

'What the girls don't know is that the camera crew

'are actually Lawson themselves.'

You're massive Lawson superfans, are you not?

-Yeah.

-Yes, you are.

What would it actually mean to you to meet Lawson in person

and actually speak to them properly?

-I'd scream.

-Really?

You wouldn't know what to do?

-I wouldn't know what to say.

-Speechless.

What if I was to tell you that you've already met them

and they've been here all along?

THEY SCREAM

Oh, my God!

Before, we might play you a special performance downstairs,

a secret little song for you guys?

# Nobody does it like Juliet

# Juliet, what you do to me

# The way she does it is criminal

# Physical and it's killing me... #

CHEERING

Thank you!

This show isn't just about big name celebrities,

it's also about Mark and me.

Yeah, one of the things we enjoy the most is playing In Yer Face.

Yeah, you've all seen it. It's the game where we go undercover

and try not get recognised by our biggest fans.

Of course, I'm a lot better at it than you, so...

-I think you'll find I'm a lot better.

-What are you on about?

I'm in the lead this series, mate!

Yeah, by one point. We drew against each other in Surrey,

we drew against Yonko in Chorlton and neither of us could beat Cel!

A point is still a point, mate.

Face it, I am the king at not being recognised.

Yes, all right then. Let's take a look at it in a different way.

-You couldn't even get recognised in your hometown!

-How dare you!

It's a city.

Listen, we better sort this out.

While we do, take a look at what really goes on

when we play In Yer Face.

-In your face!

-In YOUR face!

-Ooh!

LAUGHTER

MARK LAUGHS

HORN HONKS

'You've seen us take our hidden cameras on the road, but this time,

'the cameras are on us, as we go behind-the-scenes of In Yer Face.'

7:30 in the morning, I'm getting my make-up done

and Sam is more than likely still in bed.

He won't be sleeping soundly tonight

when I've won In Yer Face, right?

OK, get out of here. I've got to get my game face on.

Go on, go on.

'While I get ready, the crew are busy rigging the first location.

'Now, it's really important that our targets

'have no idea what's going on, so, we've got cameras

'set up in trees, in cars and even in a bin.'

This is my position for hit one today of In Yer Face.

As you can see, I've got a monitor here,

which shows me Mark and what he's doing.

There's two cameras here. There's a camera there that films me.

I've got headphones, so I can hear Mark and what he is saying

and I've got a walkie-talkie, so I can speak to Mark and tell him

exactly what he's got to do.

You must get in a word into the conversation that

I am going to give you right now.

-And that word is potato.

-Potato?

-Yeah.

-Oh...

'We've had a few ridiculous things to say this series.'

It's just started to go a bit floppy on me now.

I need a wee!

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

'And it gets even sillier when

'we can't hear each other properly.'

-Hear ye...

-Ye ye!

And they also have...

-White teeth!

-Eight teeth.

No!

Your name is Christopher Craig Stephen.

My name is Christopher Craig Heathen!

-Kowalski the third.

-Jalaski the third!

Not eight teeth. White.

White teeth. White teeth! That's what I'm getting.

Not eight teeth, because that makes no sense at all, Emily.

'Back to the set, we're ready to go, as I prepare for the first hit.

'Fortunately, I've got Sam supporting me all the way.'

Mark is notoriously bad at In Yer Face, so I don't know

if he's going to do any good on this, cos he looks ridiculous.

'Bit harsh! But looking ridiculous is what In Yer Face is all about.

'This year, we've upped the ante and we're dressed sillier than ever.

'But will our targets spot who we are?

'I'm up first to show Sam how it's done.'

Hey, guys? Do want to see my new trick? It's called the potato!

Hey!

Do you like my trick? Yeah. Bye!

Woo! Err...

SAM LAUGHS

-Pipe down, Nixon. Now it's your turn.

-Hey, guys.

This is my American accent. I'm going to speak like this.

I think that works.

'I'm not sure about that. But, let's see.'

-Coming in now.

-Stand-by, everybody!

Aisha is almost here, so you guys better get out of here! Wish me luck!

'You'll need it with that voice.

'But all the cameras are rolling and here she comes.'

Woo! Yeah!

I'm like a fish. I'm like a salmon, man! Coming out of the water! Woo!

That's amazing.

'We've got away with it this time,

'but you lot don't always make it easy for us.'

She's coming back, she's coming back!

-Oh, look, have you seen it?

-Hello, no...

-Say it!

You know the programme that's called Sam and Mark?

I haven't seen it. Is it any good?

I'm a local tree surgeon in the area. Just giving you...

Are you Mark?

-What's that, mate?

-From Sam and Mark.

SAM LAUGHS

-What's your name?

-Are you Mark from Sam and Mark?

Yes, I am, mate.

Yes!

Do you remember this morning when a horse came to your door?

LAUGHTER

But you had a hat on the first time and a little moustache

and they were covering your face.

When did you get me?

-As soon as you spoke.

-Was my accent that bad?

-Yes!

HE LAUGHS

-OK, we're off to our next location.

-Let's do it.

'However, it's not always that straightforward on In Yer Face.'

This car tends to be a little temperamental, cos it's so old.

All right!

Wooo... Oh, no.

CAR ENGINE SPLUTTERS

But there's always a plan B.

Come on, lads.

'While we struggle to get there,

'the crew are already setting up at location two,

'the ice cream parlour, and they've got

'some great tricks up their sleeves.'

These are camera fish.

It's a new technology.

They're filming everything that we do right now

and it looks really real.

I'm winding you up! They are actually fish.

'But here's something real, though.'

That's actually a camera going on.

I'm going to put that in my pocket and you, watching at home,

are going to see some great pictures.

We have cinder toffee, we have blue magic, melon, bubblegum,

strawberry, mango, everything!

What would you like?

Both Mark and I are pretty bad at accents,

but I think Mark just is probably the worst out of us, just.

Would you like to do a little bit of lassoing?

Of course you would, of course you would!

I don't suppose you've seen my boat, have you? It's a big yellow boat.

G'day, cobbers. I'm the lifeguard for the lake.

SAM LAUGHS

'Yeah, you can laugh, but it's your turn to be the ice-cream man now.'

Do you want to buy an ice cream-a?

From you, weirdo? No.

Stand by, guys.

'Right, back to business.'

They're about to come in.

You want to come and buy an ice cream-a from me?

I've got many ice cream-a!

What would you like? Take a look at my ice cream-a!

-Are you Sam?

-She said it.

It is Sam from Sam and Mark!

SAM LAUGHS

Yeah! Yeah!

How you doing? You all right?

In your face!

'Yeah, it's fair to say, we've been more competitive this year,

'bringing you the best In Yer Faces ever.'

-Why do I have to be the back-end?

-Just because, all right?

OK, I'll get back.

I won In Yer Face! Woo!

-Yeah!

-Sorry about him, lads.

-Is that weird?

-Stop doing that. Stop doing that, it's weird.

I'm sensing some fear in your eyes.

I'm sensing fear in your voice.

-Oh, I'm fearless.

-You're fear-est.

-I'm a dragon.

-No, you're a pigeon.

THEY LAUGH

That'll teach you.

I don't like this attitude, Sam Nixon.

It's a new attitude. We're in Shrewsbury.

OK! That doesn't make any sense whatsoever!

-I think I need a vet.

-Why?

-Cos these pythons are sick.

-Oh...

They're falling out!

-Don't mess it up!

-I won't!

Look at the state of that.

Back to the studio.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Some classic terrible banter and awful costumes there.

Next up, it's time for a very special performance.

This is one of the most exciting new acts in the country.

Talented, inspirational, ground-breaking. I give you...

-What are you doing?

-Oh. Thought the introduction was for me.

I've been learning to play the triangle, so...

-The words I just used - talented, inspirational, ground-breaking?

-Yeah!

-I'd never use those words to describe you.

-Yeah, fine.

Anyway, as I was saying, he is a talented, inspirational,

ground-breaking act... Not you! Ladies and gentlemen, The Vamps!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# I talk a lot when I'm thinking, baby

# I'm known to go a little too fast

# Don't mind all my friends I know they're all crazy

# But they're the only friends that I have

# I know I don't know you But I'd like to skip

# The small talk and romance, girl

# That's all I have to say So, baby, can we dance?

# Here we go again Another time I'm caving in

# And stupid words keep falling from my mouth

# You know that I mean well, my hands were meant for somewhere else

# Your eyes are doing naughty butterflies

# Oh, oh One more drink and I should go

# Oh, oh But maybe she might like me, though

# Oh, oh I can't take this any more

# Should I go, should I stay? Just can't let her slip away

# I talk a lot when I'm thinking, baby

# I'm known to go a little too fast

# Don't mind all my friends I know they're all crazy

# But they're the only friends that I have

# I know I don't know you But I'd like to skip

# The small talk and romance, girl

# That's all I have to say So, baby can we dance?

# I was nearly in but then came a pushy friend

# Killed the vibe and took my perfect ten away

# You know I need you, girl

# My heart's not made for someone else

# So, save me here cos I can barely stand

# Oh, oh One more drink and I should go

# Oh, oh But maybe she might like me, though

# Oh, oh I can't take this any more

# Should I stay, should I go? It just could lead back to her door

# I talk a lot When I'm thinking, baby

# I'm known to go a little too fast

# Don't mind all my friends I know they're all crazy

# But they're the only friends that I have

# I know I don't know you But I'd like to skip

# The small talk and romance, girl

# That's all I have to say So, baby can we dance?

# I've been a bad, bad boy

# Whispering rude things in her ear

# Please say she'll break Please say she'll change

# Her mind and bring me back to her place

# I talk a lot when I'm thinking, baby... #

Let me see your hands in the air!

# I'm known to go a little too fast

# Don't mind all my friends I know they're all crazy

# But they're the only friends that I have

# I know I don't know you But I'd like to skip

# The small talk and romance, girl

# That's all I have to say So, baby, can we dance? #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The top story tonight... The boys are back.

Sam and Mark fever is taking the world by storm.

Sam and Mark are shamrockin' Ireland right now.

REPORTER SPEAKS ABOUT SAM AND MARK IN OWN LANGUAGE

Breaking news this morning.

That's right, Kimberly, we have huge news, the very famous Sam

-and Mark are back.

-The very popular show

with even more pranks and hilarity taking the world by storm.

Hey, we even know about them across the Pond.

REPORTERS TALK ABOUT SAM AND MARK IN OWN LANGUAGES

VARIOUS REPORTERS' VOICES OVERLAP

Tune in to get the weekend party started.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Tell you what, Sam. There is so much going on in the show,

it's nice to have somewhere you can actually put your feet up.

-Yeah, but Mark...

-Just look at this Green Room.

-We have got nice comfy couches. Look at that.

-Yeah, I know, but...

-Cooling blue walls.

-But Mark...

-We've even, even got

double choc-chip cookies.

Not single. No, no, no.

-Double.

-Mark!

I keep telling you, it's not real.

LAUGHTER It's a set.

Look, these walls - not real. Look at this window.

-It's just a hole.

-Right.

Right.

Well, at least the cookies are real?

CRACKING

LAUGHTER

-They are made of plastic.

-Argh!

You lot, have a look at some of the funny goings-on that have taken

-place in this fake Green Room. Are you all right?

-Not really, no?

Three, four...

ALL: # Bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom

# Bom bom bom bom bom

# Bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom

# Bom bom bom bom bom... #

-No, no. That's where you start singing.

-What?

-Oh, I'm doing the Mr Sandman bit?

-Yeah!

-I thought I was doing the bom-boms.

-No, you're in the main bit.

Amazing, OK, let's do it! I'm ready, I'm ready.

We were thinking, seeing as you are in EastEnders,

-you could give us some acting tips?

-Yeah.

-Everyone thinks that can be

on EastEnders. Go on, then, what do you want to know?

First of all, what do you think of our Cockney accents?

Aw wight, guv'nor, how you doin'? Apples and pears!

Aw wight? Aw wight? Aw wight? Aw wight? Boat race!

That was terrible.

Listen to this.

You'll never get my secret papers, Mr Bond.

What you should do is try and stick to physical comedy.

So, it's a cheap laugh, but it works for you.

LAUGHTER

How...dare you?

Jack Carroll, I have NEVER been so insulted in my entire life.

-We're professionals. Physical comedy?!

-Yeah.

-I don't think you'll

see us doing physical comedy.

All right?

Argh! What's happened?!

-We've got to leave!

-All right, mate.

# Takes his tea with sugar, but if he's feeling funny, he may have

-# Another

-He takes his tea, no sugar

# It runs in the family Cos he gets it from his mother

# The mother don't like sugar We're making tea

# Making tea

# We were making tea. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, boys, I, erm, I don't like it.

She's doing that X Factor thing - I didn't like it...

BOTH: I loved it!

Huh?

-I don't like it.

-Told you we should have done the coffee one!

# Bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom

# Bom bom bom bom bom

-# Mr Sandman... #

-Too early, too early.

-Too early?

-Yeah.

-It's the next bit.

-You've got to concentrate.

-There's more bom-boms?

-Yeah. Another row of bom-boms.

-Then a Mr Sandman?

-Then your Mr Sandman.

I've got it. You and me were over. The lads have asked me to join.

Reluctantly, I said yes. Ace news, all right, lads?

-See?!

-No, no, it's not ace news! What about me?!

What about you?

Thing is, all great bands have five members in them.

-You see five - see?

-Yeah, but six would work. Come on.

-Take That...

-Five.

-One Direction...

-Five.

-What's that band with five members in?

-Five.

-That's it! See?

PHONE RINGS

Sorry.

'Remember, do not touch!'

Do not touch. Got it. Thanks.

OK...

Course I won't touch it.

INSECT BUZZING

Got you now!

Got you. Got you.

Yah!

Mark!

-I don't believe this!

-I know.

Why do people keep leaving that window open?

Everybody who acts in EastEnders needs to know how to be angry

all of the time. Can you teach us how to do that?

Actually, yes, I can. Firstly, you come in here

and interrupt my break. Secondly, you offend anyone in the East End.

And you expect me to help you with your acting careers?! Get out!!

-Brilliant!

-Wow!

-Brilliant!

-Very believable.

-Great acting.

I'm not acting.

EASTENDERS' DRUM ROLL OPENING

THEY ALL SING

ENGINE WHIRRS

Right, that's it!

Mark! I have had enough of this! You are an absolute....

WHIRRING DROWNS OUT WORDS

Oh, and another thing...

WHIRRING DROWNS OUT WORDS

You silly...

WHIRRING DROWNS OUT WORDS

# Bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom

# Bom bom bom bom bom... #

-What was the line again?

-Forget it.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

On Big Friday Wind-Up, there is a surprise around every corner.

-Even for us!

-This truck has carried its fair share of challenges

-for Mark and I to take on.

-I was a lot better than you were.

-Don't start this again. I was better!

-Eh, only one way to prove it.

-By recreating every single challenge?

-No, by taking a look at the best

moments of Truck or Luck in the series. Thought I was the daft one.

-Huh?

-Huh!

BOTH: Mystery guest... reveal yourself!

Have we got to do THAT?!

Check this out!

In your face!

RUSSIAN FOLK MUSIC PLAYS

Three...two...one...go!

I can reveal Sam is the winner.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Some classic Sam and Mark action there.

-Yes, but the show is not just

-about us. No, no, no.

-The real stars of this show are you lot -

-our studio audience.

-Yes, you, madam, for instance.

You, sir. Hay-hay!

There you go, mate. And you, sir. No, probably not you, actually.

-I'm only joking!

-He's winding you up!

-The name of the show!

Seriously, this show wouldn't work without you lot

and here are a few reasons why.

The Finger has found its target!

I used to be a singer at one time!

BOTH: He's behind you!

Can we please have a little bit of hush in the studio.

Because, our first victim is just a few metres away,

-but she has no idea.

-OK, right.

This is Ella, who is a massive fan of the show.

She thinks she's here on a tour of the BBC and about to go behind

the scenes of BBC News. But in reality, she's just the other side

of our set.

We're about to surprise her live, in front of our studio audence.

(So, everyone, please be quiet. This is the big moment.)

(She's just backstage.)

You can sit just there. You guys can all watch on that there.

Can you see the screen? Have a look at the screen

-and then the green screen, can you see, Ella...

-Yeah.

-..changes.

-To that!

-Yeah!

-Amazing!

Brilliant!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello!

-How are you doing?

-This is a bit of a shock, isn't it?

-Yes!

-Please tell me these are tears of joy!

-Yes!

I am actually going to come and speak to you, Lucy.

-Hi.

-How are you doing?! Lucy, you look really scared!

-I am!

Don't worry about it. The reason I have singled you out

is because we have heard that you are a fan of a certain dancer?

-Yeah, that's right.

-Who's that?

-Akai.

-Akai! The guy who won Got To Dance?

-Yes.

He's amazing! He's really good.

-Have you ever met Akai?

-No.

-What would you do if you did?

I'd probably scream or...faint.

LAUGHTER

Lucy, I hope you don't faint because...Akai is sat behind you.

It's that guy, everyone!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It seems that we here on Wind-Up have got a very talented audience.

Bean. Back a bit.

Don't worry, guys. Nobody's perfect.

Woof, woof.

Strap yourselves in for a televisual roller coaster.

It could go anywhere, people.

MUSIC PLAYS

RHYTHMIC CLAPPING

LAUGHTER

Cut the music! Cut the music!

DOCTOR WHO THEME PLAYS

That's really scary!

I really don't like that!

-You're still holding my hand!

-Sorry!

Holding my hand because he's scared!

Argh!

-We're going to ask you a multiple choice question.

-Here goes.

How do you say yes in Spanish?

Is it A) Be?

Is it B) Si?

Or is it C) Eh?

Think very carefully.

Is it A), B) or C)?

What is yes in Spanish? Step back and help.

Yeah.

(It's si.)

Erm...B).

So you're saying it's C) Be or B) si?

-It's B) si.

-B) si.

-Tommy, we can tell you...

-Oh, man.

..are absolutely right!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

'We interrupt this programme

'with an urgent appeal.

'There are two desperate presenters

'who desperately need your help.

'Desperately.'

-This is Sam.

-This is Mark.

They've been together for ten joyless years.

People said it would never work.

It didn't.

They're not lucky to have the things you and I have.

Like looks, talent..

..or even personalities.

That's why they need your help.

Just one hour is all it would take

to make these boys feel wanted.

One hour to make a real difference.

-They need your help.

-Just one hour is all it will take.

So please, tune in and change their lives.

HE LAUGHS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen, for the last time this series,

we give you The Finger Of Fun.

Finger, are you sad that it's the end of the series?

Aw!

Are you going to miss Sam?

Aw!

Are you going to miss me?

Charming. Brilliant.

The finger is here for the last time

to choose two families to take part in tonight's grand finale.

-What are you waiting for? Go find us a family!

-Oh!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# Who's it gonna be, yeah

# Who's it gonna be, yeah

# Who's it gonna be, yeah... #

Oh, yes!

The Finger has made up his mind.

Our first family is the McDermotts from Birmingham!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Who will they be competing against? Off you go, Finger.

# Who's it gonna be

# I don't know, know, know

# Who's it gonna be

# Don't ask me... #

Here we go. It's the Potter family from Southampton.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hold on a minute. Wait a minute.

That family has only got three members.

It looks like the Finger will have to find somebody else.

Who could it be? Off you go, Finger!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Oh!

-We didn't rehearse that, did we?!

No, we didn't rehearse that!

OK. There is a good possibility that at the end of today's show

you might be covered in slime, which would be a great end to the series.

Get yourselves down here because it's time to play Rotation.

Oh!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to what is going to be

a very special edition of Rotation.

Let's meet our families.

It's the McDermott family.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Team captain Molly, introduce the gang for us.

This is my brother, Luke, my mum, Tracy and my dad, David.

It's lovely to have you here. Tell us an interesting fact

about yourselves.

At night-time, my mum likes to get in a onesie and do Zumba.

LAUGHTER

Tracy, I do the same thing. I do the same thing.

I love a bit of Zumba and a onesie.

It's time to meet your opponents.

It's the Potter family.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The Potter family, accompanied by Mr Mark Rhodes.

Mark, you're team captain. Introduce the gang.

Well, thanks, Sam Nixon.

We've got Leah, we've got Elizabeth and Bruce.

-We're the winning team.

-Oh!

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

No, he didn't!

Stitched up! Stitched up!

-Guys, tell us an interesting fact about yourselves.

-Leah, off you go.

Once at school in our school playground, my dad

decided to pick me up and sing me Rock-a-bye Baby.

Why did you do that?

It was embarrassing. It's my job.

Fair enough. Fair enough.

This is how the game works.

Up here is something that we like to call...

The Tank Of Terror.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS

Ha! All through the game, this tank will slowly

be filling up with slime.

Meanwhile, our teams will be below it, answering

a series of questions.

If they get one right, they spin round away from the tank...

..and into the Safe Zone.

But if they continue to get them wrong, they stay here in...

..the Danger Zone.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

The aim of the game is to stay out of this zone.

When the tank fills up to the black line,

the family underneath will get covered in slime.

Yeah! That's right! One family is going to get covered in slime.

Let's hope it's the family with Mark in them.

Stitched up! Stitched up!

Pipe down! No pressure, guys.

The McDermott family, you are going first.

The best of luck.

Start the slime.

Cristiano Ronaldo plays football for which team, Spain or Portugal?

-Portugal.

-Correct. Rotate.

Would you use a puck in ice hockey or baseball?

-Ice hockey.

-Correct. Rotate.

The Governor is in charge of which prison for entertainers on CBBC?

-The Slammer.

-Correct. Rotate.

I want Mark to answer this. What is six times five?

-It is 30.

-Correct. Rotate.

INDISTINCT

What are Lady Gaga's fans known as?

-Erm...

-You can pass if you don't know it.

Little monsters.

Spell the word physics.

-P-H-YS-I-C-S.

-Correct. Rotate.

What is the capital of Portugal?

-It's Lisbon.

-Correct. Rotate.

Go, go, go, go, go!

What is seven times seven?

-ALL:

-49.

-Correct. Rotate.

SLOWLY: Is...a...tomato...a...fruit

or a vegetable?

-Fruit.

-Rotate.

-Rotate!

In computing what does www stand for?

-ALL:

-World wide web.

-Correct. Rotate.

No, no, no!

Did Union J...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

HE SCREAMS

It's pretty cold!

Mark.

Mark, I'm really sorry.

You got slimed!

I noticed that(!)

How are you feeling?

Cold.

I'm sorry. I think that family drew the short straw.

-Do you think?!

-I'm sorry, guys.

That means the McDermotts are going through to the final round.

Round of applause for the McDermotts.

APPLAUSE

The Potters. You're not going home empty-handed.

We'll give you some Sam and Mark goody bags

and some extra special prizes as well

because you did get stitched up there.

-Have you had a good day?

-Brilliant.

-Fantastic.

-Excellent.

Get yourselves cleaned up. Mark, especially you. I need you back.

I want a goody bag!

A round of applause.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's time for the McDermott family to win some amazing prizes

as we play Stuck On You.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Feeling better?

-I feel a lot better.

That was cold!

Really cold.

Playing this game we have Molly and Luke.

It could have been you. How are you feeling, guys?

All right.

All right!

OK. Let's see if we can make you feel better.

Here are the rules.

The Wind-Up studio audience is armed with hundreds of balls.

Hold up your balls, everyone.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

-Thank you.

-You guys have to catch as many of those balls

as you can using your sticky suits.

At the end of the game, we'll count up the balls

and see what prizes you qualify for.

More than 20 balls, represented by this yellow line,

will get you all these lovely board games.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

More than 40 balls, which is represented by this blue line,

will win you the board games plus a trip to the cinema

for all the family.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

-Nice.

-Oh, yeah. Pick'n'mix for me.

More than 60 balls, which is represented by this red line,

will get you all those prizes plus tonight's star prize,

a games console.

AUDIENCE: Ooh.

Hang on a minute. There's one more thing.

There's one golden ball.

If Molly and Luke get this, they will win a very special prize,

this beautifully-crafted Sam and Mark mug. Thank you.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

I'm going to plant it in the audience. Who wants it?

-Anyone?

-Ha!

Molly and Luke, are you ready for this?

-BOTH:

-Yeah.

-Fantastic.

-David and Tracy, can they do it?

-Yes.

-Definitely.

-In that case, guys, get yourselves into position.

Best of luck.

Audience, you know what to do.

In three, two, one...

SHOUTING

KLAXON BLARES

Come on over, guys. Well done! Well done!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very well done. You've done well.

Let's get these done.

You've got a couple on your head.

There we go. There we go.

We're doing well, gang.

That's the board games.

We've got that one. I'll take that one.

We could be here for quite a while.

Wow!

-Sam. How are you getting along?

-All right. There's a lot here.

You're not wrong.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

Can we make it a full house?

I reckon we might be doing all right here.

Come on. Come on.

Come on...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Well done.

-With plenty to spare. Plenty to spare.

You've got more than 60 balls, which means you win all of the prizes!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Have you had a good day?

-Brilliant.

-You've been great sports.

Give it up for the McDermott family.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's almost time to wind up the show and the series.

Unbelievable.

We've had a blast making it. We hope you've had as much fun watching.

Thank you to everyone who's taken part over the past few weeks.

I've got to get this slime out of my hair. It's still there.

Let's leave you with some of the best bits from this series

-of Big Friday Wind-Up.

-See you soon. Bye.

Welcome to the weekend!

ROARING

CBBC!

Hello.

CHEERING

SCREAMING

Argh!

SCREAMING

We're going to do it!

Argh!

Argh!