Best of Friends Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up


Best of Friends

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Transcript


LineFromTo

-I'm Sam.

-I'm Mark.

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And we are one of the most enduring double acts in television history.

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For 13 years, we've done everything as a pair.

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-Yeah, we've made the nation laugh.

-We've made the nation cry.

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We've brought families and friends together.

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We've made people's dreams come true.

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And throughout it all, we've had each other.

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And that's why you won't find a more professional, mature

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or dignified pair on TV.

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So why are you in relationship counselling?

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-Because he's a massive poo-poo head.

-Yeah, well, you're a silly...

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You're just silly!

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This could be the most interesting case I've ever seen.

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I mean, it'll really stand out on the luggage carousel in Tenerife.

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-What about us?

-I'm not taking you two to Tenerife.

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No, what are you going to do to sort out our relationship problems?

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Well, this isn't going to be easy!

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I mean, I've seen the way you two behave on TV.

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I mean, just look at what you've put your poor, poor fans through.

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Right, Denise, there are lots of eggs in your arms there.

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Try and keep hold of them all.

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If you get the full ten when you come back,

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you will get that star prize to the Wolfblood set.

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-Are you ready to go on the run?

-Yep.

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But be careful, because you've woken Maggie up!

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Go! Go! Go!

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-Go and get her.

-Oh, no!

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-Oh, be careful!

-Keep hold of those eggs.

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Maggie's going to get you.

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She's coming after you!

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That's not scary at all!

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Aggh!

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Oh, is that one of the eggs? Is that one of the eggs?

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Maggie's coming!

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-Good catch!

-Good catch!

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Come on! Come back! He's going to get you!

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Maggie's going to get you.

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Oh, no! She's dropped one!

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Oh, come on! Come on, Denise, you can do it!

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Come on! Come on, Denise.

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-Come on, Denise!

-You're nearly there. You're nearly there.

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Give her a round of applause.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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-Come on, darling.

-Over there!

-Keep holding.

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OK!

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Come here, chicken.

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Oh, well done. You did drop a few.

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-There was an amazing catch in the air, though.

-Hey!

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OK, so, let's count them up.

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Remember, you needed ten to get the star prize.

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-Here we go. Best of luck.

-Oh, man!

-You've got... Two.

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Four.

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Agggh! It cracked.

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Six, eight...

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..ten!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Yes!

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-Well done!

-Well done, Denise.

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You brought 11 eggs back, which means you win five prizes

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from the prize stack as well.

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And you do get your hands on tonight's star prize -

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that trip to the Wolfblood set.

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You are going to meet all your favourite actors.

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-How does that sound?

-Good.

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Nice work.

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Now, whilst we're here, I think it's only fair that you apologise

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to Maggie for stealing her eggs. Come over here.

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Yeah, come over here, Maggie. Come over here.

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-What have you got to say, Denise?

-Sorry.

-All right.

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It's OK!

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It's Leona Vaughan who plays Jana in Wolfblood!

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-BOTH:

-Awww!

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Now, Beyonce, wants you, Bradley, to destroy those rival airlines

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by popping the balloons on the back of each plane in just...

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45 seconds.

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Now, for every one that you pop, you'll win a prize

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from the Wind-Up prize stash.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Whooo!

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So, Bradley...

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# What you think about that...? #

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-Great.

-Great. Nice. Awesome

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Bradley... Bradley, don't expect an easy flight, though,

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because if any of these divas get through that 45 seconds

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without having their balloon popped,

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-they will win the prize for themselves.

-What a twist.

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So, Bradley...

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# What you think about that...? #

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It's terrible if they get prizes.

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-Yeah, it's terrible.

-He sounds like you!

-He does.

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He sounds just like me, it's great.

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OK, today's flight time is 45 seconds.

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-Three, two, one, takeoff!

-Go on!

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Oh, here we go, here we go.

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Oh, he's on the tail of Lady Gaga International.

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Oh, no, he's changed his mind!

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He's changed his mind.

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He's now on Nicole Scherzinger Air.

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It's difficult. They're fast, these planes!

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LAUGHTER

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POPPING AND CHEERING

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Keep going! Keep going! Yeah!

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That's two. Mariah Carey Continental, you're going to get it.

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Oh, come on!

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-CeeLo Travel? See You Later Travel!

-Oh, here we go!

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-Come on!

-What's happening?

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There's not long left!

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Two more! Two more!

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-You got five seconds left.

-Four, three...

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KLAXON

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Come over here, Bradley.

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Mariah Carey, that was close!

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-Wowzers!

-Hey, very good though, very good.

-Well done.

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And you managed to pop three of the balloons,

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which means you get three prizes from the Wind-Up prize stack!

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Well done! And...

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Well done to Harry and Emily, because your balloons

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weren't popped, you win a prize from the Wind-Up prize stash, too.

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Well done, guys.

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As super fans of The Dumping Ground, your mission

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is to rifle through this rubbish to find a variety of hidden treasures.

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As soon as you've found an item,

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we will then ask you a question about The Dumping Ground.

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-Are you up for the challenge?

-BOTH:

-Yes!

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-Absolutely great.

-Awesome.

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OK, then it's time to rifle through the rubbish.

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The first item you guys need to find is...

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-..a giant apple core!

-Go!

-Start the clock!

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Look around, girls. Look around.

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Maybe split up, maybe split up.

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It might be warmer over where I'm standing.

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-Maybe it is.

-I don't know, it could be.

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-Take a look! Take a look! Keep looking.

-Yeah!

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What is the name of Harry's beloved giraffe?

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-BOTH:

-Jeff!

-That's correct.

-OK, next item...

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-Fish skeleton.

-Fish skeleton. Come on!

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Look everywhere, look everywhere.

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-Yes! Quick, quick.

-Come on!

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OK, second question, which character replaced Gina

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as the main care worker in series two?

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-May-Li.

-Correct!

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Next item, chicken drumsticks.

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-Go, go, go, go, go!

-Chicken drumstick.

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Oh, wow! Nice work! We didn't hide that well.

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What is the name of the dog Bailey adopted in series three?

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-BOTH:

-Mischief.

-Correct!

-You're good.

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Deflated football. Find a deflated football!

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There it is!

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-What hobby did Tyler develop during series three?

-Magic.

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-Correct.

-You need to find a tin of beans.

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A tin of beans. You've got 30 seconds left.

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You are smashing it, guys.

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A tin of beans we're looking for, guys. Tin of beans. Look everywhere.

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That's it. Don't worry...

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-Yeah!

-Look up at the back, look up at the back.

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-Is it at the back?

-It might be. It might be.

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-OK, look everywhere.

-We've got 10 seconds left, come on.

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You can get this.

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Tin of beans...

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OK, come on. Keep looking, guys. Keep looking.

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-Keep looking.

-OK, time is up!

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KLAXON

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-Oh!

-Well done, guys.

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Now, there are 10 books on each of these blocks.

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You have 15 seconds to karate chop all 10 in half.

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Get 'em!

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-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-Best of luck.

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Your time starts now. Go!

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CHEERING

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Quick!

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-You've got 10 seconds left.

-Hah! Hah! Hah!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hiyya!

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Match the names with the people. Best of luck.

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Your time starts now!

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Go, go, go!

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-Go, go!

-Be quick, be quick!

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OK, pass it to them, pass it to them.

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-Pass it to them, yeah.

-That's it.

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Hold it in front of you, guys. That's it. Be quicker.

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-Be better.

-Interesting.

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LAUGHTER

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-This is very interesting.

-Think about it!

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-Come on, think about it!

-Think about it!

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-Erm, wait, no... Think...

-This is...

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KLAXON

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Wow!

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Let's see how you did...!

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I can tell you how they did...

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-Let's not spoil it, though...

-..badly.

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..for the viewers at home.

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OK, what do you call a man in a paper suit?

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Russell.

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That's correct!

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Russells! Why's it Russells?

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-Because it rustles. It is a sound-based joke.

-Exactly.

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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

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Cliff.

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That is the right answer!

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-See, we are cooking here.

-It's the cliff...

-Clever.

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What do you call a woman with a radiator on her head?

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-Kate...

-No, you don't.

-I don't get it.

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-I don't get it.

-That's because it's wrong.

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-It's Anita.

-Anita, isn't it?!

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Anita.

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What do you call a woman with two toilets on her head?

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Anita.

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Why?

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-Why?

-You could do.

-No, you don't, it's stupid.

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-It's Lulu!

-And, finally...

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Finally, what do you call two men in a window?

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-Kurt...

-And Rod.

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-BOTH:

-Curtain rod.

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# I came in like a wrecking ball... #

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APPLAUSE

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-OK.

-Here we go.

-Come on, lad.

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Oh, nearly!

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Make it a bit longer, a bit longer!

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Here we go, here we go. Come on, lad.

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-BOTH:

-Yes!

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We'll give you that, we'll give you that.

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-Get this one down.

-Get this one down.

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Yes! Get this one!

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-One more, one more!

-Finish this! Get ready!

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-Make it longer.

-Go, go! Get it!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Aggggh!

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Agggh!

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I'm sorry, I fell.

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I fell! I fell over!

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-I fell over!

-Health and safety issues here, everywhere.

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Oh, sorry!

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Well, we seem to be making some sort of progress,

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but I feel there's more we can do.

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Why don't you try saying something nice about each other?

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OK. Sam, I admire how brave you are.

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Oh, thanks very much.

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Yeah, not many people have the guts to go out in an outfit like that.

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-Well, I admire your determination.

-Oh, bless you.

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Yeah, I mean, if I was born with a face like yours,

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I'd have given up years ago, mate.

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But not you. You carry on, don't you?

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No matter how many children or elderly pets that you scare.

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Right, that does it! I've had enough of this!

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Yeah, can you believe what he just said about my face?

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-I was talking about your face. Put the bag back on.

-But I...

-Put...

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the bag back on.

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That's better.

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I don't know how you two don't frighten your celebrity guests away.

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-Oh, he tends to keep the bag on in rehearsals.

-Ah, very wise.

-Yeah.

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Very wise.

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'Ladies and gentlemen, tonight on the Wind-Up Wheel,

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'it's Tom Fletcher from McFly!'

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-It is time to...

-AUDIENCE:

-Wind-up that wheel!

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Agggh! Very dizzy, very dizzy!

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-All right, stop that wheel.

-Stop that wheel!

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-BOTH:

-Oooh!

-Audience question.

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Right, a member of our audience is going to be chosen at random

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and they can ask you any question in the world and you must answer.

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So, audience, start thinking of questions and let's find our

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random audience member.

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Hiya!

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-That's amazing!

-Hi, Tom!

-Hi.

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So, Emily, what's your question for Tom?

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You can ask him anything in the world, ever.

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-He's been around for a long time, so...

-Not that long!

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Would you rather be able to live in any country in the world

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for ever, and live in your dream house,

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or have any celebrity of your choice as your girlfriend?

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Oh! That's a good question!

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Imagine you weren't married, Tom.

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Well, yeah... I'm not sure what my wife would say about this!

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-I think the... I will go for my dream house.

-You go for that...

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-So that is the wrong answer.

-Tom, that's the wrong answer.

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-Yeah, yeah.

-Why's that the wrong answer?!

-It just is.

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It just is, mate.

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But good try! Good try.

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-It's time to...

-AUDIENCE:

-Wind-up that wheel!

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Hands up!

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Stop it somewhere nice!

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Stop that wheel!

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-BOTH:

-Ooh!

-Dance like you like this, Simeon.

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-All right.

-OK, so, Simeon, we want you to dance like

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a penguin who really needs the toilet doing a slow bossa nova.

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-So come and stand here.

-Come on.

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You should be great at this.

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-We have some music for you. Cue the music.

-Thank you.

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BOSSA NOVA MUSIC PLAYS

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So you're a penguin that needs the toilet.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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-OK, it's time to...

-AUDIENCE:

-Wind-up that wheel!

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Stop that wheel.

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-BOTH:

-Ooh!

-Get The Impression.

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Bradley, this is Thomas. Hi, Thomas!

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Hello.

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Now, Thomas is about to do an impression of a celebrity

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or a character. You have to tell us who that celebrity or character is.

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-Right.

-Thomas, over to you, buddy.

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D'oh!

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-It's a quick one. Do it again.

-Can I have another one?

-D'oh!

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-It's brilliant.

-I'm going to guess my dad...

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Homer Simpson.

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-Is that right, Thomas?

-Yes.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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-Well done to the pair of you. That was...

-D'oh!

-BOTH:

-D'oh!

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-All right, it is time to...

-AUDIENCE:

-Wind up that wheel!

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Come on!

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Oh, yeah!

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Stop that wheel!

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-Oh, forfeit.

-Oh, deary me!

-Oh, no!

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Ah... I'm not going to lie, Tilly, this is pretty bad.

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The forfeit is to find Sam's car keys

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in this bucket of beanie custard.

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I can't believe I've gone and lost them again

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-in this bucket of beanie custard!

-You're always doing that!

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You're always doing that.

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-You might want to roll your sleeve up, I'm not going to lie.

-OK.

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Come over here, Tilly. Come over here. Get your hand in there.

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Find me car keys.

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Ewwww!

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Have a good rummage around.

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Are they in there? I hope... We did put them in there, didn't we?

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I think so. Ewww!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:15:020:15:04

-Nice work.

-There's a towel for you.

-Thank you.

0:15:050:15:08

Stop the wheel!

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-BOTH:

-Ooh!

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Question prize. OK, lads, a member of our studio audience

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is about to ask you...

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LAUGHTER

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-This lad. This is Jaden.

-Jaden!

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He's going to ask you the prize question.

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If you get it right, he will win a very special prize,

0:15:270:15:29

so no pressure. Go on, Sam, off you go.

0:15:290:15:31

So I'm going to go to Jaden. Right, Jaden, stand up, mate.

0:15:310:15:34

-Stand up. Say hello to Josh and Casey.

-Hello!

-Nice voice.

0:15:340:15:38

-Is that your natural voice?

-No.

-Ah.

0:15:380:15:41

Right, OK, so, here is the question that you have to read out to

0:15:410:15:45

Josh and Casey. If they get it right, you win a prize.

0:15:450:15:48

There's the question. Read it out.

0:15:480:15:51

-"How many zeroes are there in 100,000?"

-Think about it, guys.

0:15:510:15:56

(Six...)

0:15:570:15:58

-(Six.)

-Yeah? Are you sure?

-Yeah.

0:15:590:16:01

Go on, then, you say it. This is on your head.

0:16:010:16:03

-Do you want to double-check?

-I would like to double-check,

0:16:030:16:06

-because it's for Jaden.

-You've got time.

-So one, zero, zero...

0:16:060:16:08

Six! No!

0:16:080:16:11

-Hang on, you said six.

-Five!

-It's five!

-You said six.

0:16:110:16:13

Casey, you just went like this, "Six."

0:16:130:16:17

Literally...

0:16:170:16:19

Which one do you want me to take - your hand signal

0:16:190:16:21

-or what came out of your mouth?

-Five.

-Five.

0:16:210:16:23

-Hand signal.

-Five.

0:16:230:16:25

-Is five your final answer?

-Yes, sir. Amen.

-Yeah, go on - five.

0:16:250:16:28

It's the right answer!

0:16:280:16:30

APPLAUSE

0:16:300:16:32

You, my friend, have just won a digital camera!

0:16:320:16:35

Stop that wheel!

0:16:390:16:41

-Oh, it's landed on forfeit.

-Oh, no.

0:16:410:16:44

Oh, do you know what? This forfeit should be pretty easy for you, Nile.

0:16:440:16:47

-We want you to walk on your hands!

-Oh!

0:16:470:16:49

Come on, stand here, mate.

0:16:490:16:52

I don't know if I can do that.

0:16:520:16:54

Be careful. Yes, don't hurt yourself. That would be terrible.

0:16:540:16:56

-Do you want me to walk down the stairs?

-No! Don't do that.

0:16:560:17:00

Health and safety have gone mad over there.

0:17:000:17:02

OK, you do your thing, you do your thing.

0:17:020:17:05

APPLAUSE

0:17:070:17:11

-Oh, cool!

-Yeah!

0:17:130:17:15

What a ledge! What a ledge!

0:17:170:17:19

-OK, time for our next exercise.

-Can I take the bag off now, please?

0:17:200:17:25

I suppose so.

0:17:250:17:26

-Remember what we agreed - five-minute bursts only.

-OK.

0:17:260:17:30

Agh!

0:17:300:17:32

-Now, how long did you say you've been together?

-13 years.

0:17:320:17:35

-Oh, unlucky for some.

-Yeah, me.

-You mean me.

0:17:350:17:38

Actually, I think it's the general public who're the real losers.

0:17:380:17:41

But there must have been some fond memories

0:17:410:17:43

you've shared over the years?

0:17:430:17:45

Anything?

0:17:500:17:51

Oh! There was that time you went on holiday for two weeks.

0:17:510:17:54

Oh, yeah, and when you had that hideous cold

0:17:540:17:56

and you couldn't come to work.

0:17:560:17:58

Do you know what? That was one of the happiest days of my life.

0:17:580:18:00

But surely you've shared some good times together?

0:18:000:18:04

Yeah, when we play games where we put each other through agony.

0:18:040:18:07

-Like In Yer House!

-Yeah!

0:18:070:18:09

-Bag.

-Right.

0:18:090:18:11

Agent Rhodes, this is the target's house.

0:18:150:18:18

You must enter the house, head upstairs and go to the bathroom.

0:18:180:18:21

-Understood?

-Into the house, go upstairs and go to the bathroom.

0:18:210:18:25

I mean... Well, not go to the bathroom, I'll hide...

0:18:250:18:27

-Enough!

-Yep, cool.

-This is a drawing of a cat that I did.

0:18:270:18:31

Notice the subtle realism, whilst retaining an abstract charm.

0:18:310:18:35

Hey, hey, it's purrrfect!

0:18:350:18:38

Stop that!

0:18:380:18:39

-I need you to now go back downstairs...

-Oh!

0:18:410:18:43

..and head into the living room,

0:18:430:18:44

bearing in mind the target, Amelia, is in the room next door.

0:18:440:18:48

-She's just in the kitchen.

-Yeah.

0:18:480:18:50

So you're going to have to be very, very quiet,

0:18:500:18:52

-and the door to the kitchen is open.

-Oh, you're joking!

-So be careful.

0:18:520:18:54

OK.

0:18:540:18:55

Why are you smirking?

0:18:570:18:58

-(I don't know.)

-Why are you smirking?

0:18:580:19:01

She's still in the kitchen.

0:19:010:19:03

Don't forget you're going into the living room.

0:19:030:19:05

I can see you coming down the stairs!

0:19:050:19:07

Mark doesn't know that Amelia's dad is in the living room.

0:19:070:19:10

He's going to get a right fright when he goes in!

0:19:100:19:12

Into the living room. Quick, quick, quick, quick!

0:19:170:19:20

There, yeah!

0:19:200:19:22

Say, "Hello, Daddy!"

0:19:250:19:27

Hello, Daddy!

0:19:270:19:29

OK, so here's what's going to happen -

0:19:300:19:32

-you're going to flip a coin.

-Yeah.

-If it lands on your face,

0:19:320:19:35

-you and dad will rock out to heavy metal music.

-Great.

0:19:350:19:38

-But if it lands on my face...

-Yeah?

0:19:380:19:41

There's a rose in your survival kit. You need to get it out,

0:19:410:19:44

put it in your mouth and do a mean tango with the dad.

0:19:440:19:47

-Right.

-Flip away.

0:19:470:19:49

'Sam.'

0:19:510:19:52

-Sam.

-OK, mate, so you're about to do a mean tango.

0:19:520:19:55

Mate, this could be your Strictly audition, this.

0:19:550:19:58

Daddy, would you like to dance?

0:19:580:19:59

Yeah. Tango with me.

0:19:590:20:01

Get him, hold him close.

0:20:040:20:05

I want good posture.

0:20:050:20:07

Keep your back straight.

0:20:070:20:10

TANGO MUSIC

0:20:100:20:13

Flip him back like it's the end of a dance.

0:20:160:20:18

Don't wreck his back.

0:20:180:20:20

Oh, yeah, let him do it to you. Oh, lovely.

0:20:200:20:24

SAM LAUGHS

0:20:240:20:26

Good job, mate.

0:20:260:20:27

Challenge 3 complete.

0:20:270:20:29

Nice work.

0:20:290:20:31

This is a Sunday roast that I knocked up last weekend.

0:20:310:20:34

I mean, look at those Yorkie puddings.

0:20:340:20:36

Oh, wow, that is good.

0:20:360:20:38

It was great, Aidan. Thank you.

0:20:380:20:41

Agent Rhodes, this is your In Yer House Coin of Destiny.

0:20:410:20:45

You will need to flip that coin when I tell you so

0:20:450:20:47

in every hiding position.

0:20:470:20:49

If it lands on your face, you will get an easier task.

0:20:490:20:51

-If it lands on my face, you'll get a tougher task.

-Got it.

0:20:510:20:55

When I flip the coin, I don't want to see your face. Standard.

0:20:550:20:57

Sssh!

0:20:570:20:59

You're going to flip the coin.

0:20:590:21:01

If it lands on your face you have to pull the tablecloth off the table.

0:21:010:21:06

If it lands on my face, you have to put it over your head like a ghost

0:21:060:21:10

and pretend to be a ghost whilst moving to the next location

0:21:100:21:14

which is the cupboard in Kieran's bedroom.

0:21:140:21:16

Flip that coin, brother.

0:21:160:21:19

Sam.

0:21:210:21:23

Time to get your best ghost impression on, mate.

0:21:260:21:29

Be quiet. They're only in the kitchen next to you.

0:21:310:21:34

Ooh!

0:21:340:21:35

SAM LAUGHS

0:21:350:21:37

Ooh!

0:21:370:21:39

Get yourself into Kieran's bedroom.

0:21:390:21:40

Don't lose it at the last hurdle, mate.

0:21:400:21:43

Ooh!

0:21:430:21:44

OK, get into the wardrobe.

0:21:460:21:49

Hurry up and get in there, mate. Hurry up and get in there.

0:21:490:21:53

SAM LAUGHS

0:21:530:21:55

This is the target's house.

0:21:550:21:57

I would like you to enter the house and then go into the bathroom

0:21:570:22:00

and hide in the bath. Do you copy?

0:22:000:22:03

It's a bit weird, but, yeah, copy that.

0:22:030:22:05

And this is where I'm thinking about going on my holidays.

0:22:050:22:07

I don't know if it's going to be a beach holiday or a city break.

0:22:070:22:10

-What do you think?

-Obviously the beach.

-Yeah, beach.

0:22:100:22:13

-It's much cooler, calmer.

-Yeah, true, very nice.

0:22:130:22:16

-Looks lovely. Get it booked.

-One final question, Agent Nixon.

0:22:160:22:20

-Are you ready?

-Does this face look like it's ready?

0:22:200:22:23

-Er, no.

-It is ready.

-Go!

0:22:230:22:25

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

0:22:250:22:28

OK, Sam is in the house. Niamh hasn't got a clue.

0:22:350:22:39

I'm going to get him into the bathroom first up.

0:22:390:22:42

First challenge. Let's do this.

0:22:420:22:44

What is that?

0:22:460:22:48

Sam, Sam, get...

0:22:500:22:52

(Mark, can you hear me?)

0:22:570:22:58

I think she clocked you.

0:22:580:23:00

I think she's clocked you already.

0:23:000:23:02

Mum, somebody's just walked into the house and gone into the bathroom.

0:23:020:23:05

Oh, no, she's clocked you!

0:23:050:23:08

There's a camera in the flowerpot?!

0:23:120:23:15

She's got you straight away. It's going to be the shortest one ever!

0:23:150:23:18

And a man's just walked into the bathroom.

0:23:180:23:20

A man's just walked into the bathroom.

0:23:200:23:21

-I think she's lying.

-Sam, Sam, get into the bath.

0:23:210:23:25

-That's a bit odd, isn't it?

-Go and have a look in the bathroom then.

0:23:250:23:28

Hide in the bath, hide in the bath now. She's coming.

0:23:280:23:31

There's no-one in there.

0:23:410:23:43

I'm going to check behind the curtain.

0:23:430:23:47

You don't need to check behind the curtain. There's no-one here.

0:23:470:23:50

There's a red flashing light!

0:23:500:23:53

-No, there isn't.

-What is it?

0:23:530:23:55

I think you're seeing things.

0:23:550:23:57

Have you had some sort of funny argument at school today?

0:24:010:24:04

No, I swear.

0:24:040:24:07

There was somebody's hand behind that curtain.

0:24:070:24:10

It's a bit ridiculous.

0:24:100:24:12

Mum's trying to cover it up.

0:24:120:24:13

-The window's open.

-Hello!

0:24:130:24:16

What is that?

0:24:160:24:19

She's clocked us straight away.

0:24:190:24:20

It's a plant pot from school today.

0:24:200:24:23

Why has it got a camera in it then?

0:24:230:24:24

-It hasn't.

-Mum?

0:24:240:24:28

This round thing, it's got a little lens, right?

0:24:280:24:31

And there's somebody in the bathroom.

0:24:340:24:36

I think it's safe to say we have been rumbled!

0:24:360:24:40

There's a camera there, a camera there.

0:24:400:24:42

I'm going to see if there's one in my bedroom.

0:24:420:24:45

Is there a camera up in the loft?

0:24:450:24:47

No, I'm about to go up there and put the Guides stuff away.

0:24:470:24:50

-What is going on?

-Nothing.

0:24:500:24:53

-I think you're going on.

-This has got to be some kind of world record.

0:24:530:24:56

Can you come here a moment, please?

0:24:560:24:59

No, I'm going to look in the bathroom.

0:24:590:25:01

You've just looked in there.

0:25:010:25:03

Sam, get out of the bathroom now.

0:25:030:25:05

-There's something strange going on here.

-There isn't.

-There is.

0:25:050:25:08

-Where am I going?

-Go into Mum and Dad's bedroom quickly now.

0:25:080:25:11

Go, go!

0:25:110:25:13

You've got a really bad lying face on.

0:25:150:25:18

FLOORBOARD CREAKS

0:25:220:25:24

-What is that?

-That's the wind.

0:25:240:25:26

She's coming! She's coming! She's coming!

0:25:260:25:29

-People don't make a habit of walking in the door, do they?

-Told you!

0:25:290:25:33

Oh, no!

0:25:330:25:35

I told you there's someone there!

0:25:350:25:37

Oh, no!

0:25:370:25:39

Shortest In Yer House ever.

0:25:410:25:44

I know it's you!

0:25:470:25:49

Well, you two certainly seem to be getting on now.

0:25:510:25:53

Yeah, thanks, Doctor. I think we're really working through our issues.

0:25:530:25:57

No, no, certainly getting on,

0:25:570:25:58

as in time hasn't exactly been kind to you, has it?

0:25:580:26:01

Please don't frown.

0:26:010:26:02

It just accentuates the lines in your horrendously wizened faces.

0:26:020:26:07

Well, thanks, Doctor, for all your help.

0:26:070:26:09

I think we're 100% cured now so, come on, Sam. Off we go, darling.

0:26:090:26:13

-Thanks, Doctor.

-Oh, well, if you're absolutely sure?

0:26:130:26:16

Why wouldn't we be sure?

0:26:160:26:18

Oh, no, just something he said when you were in the toilet for

0:26:180:26:20

that strangely long period of time.

0:26:200:26:22

Why, what did he say?

0:26:220:26:24

He mentioned words like "buffoon", "talentless" and, what was it?

0:26:240:26:27

Oh, yes, "Smells like a badger's undercrackers."

0:26:270:26:31

-Everything all right?

-I can't believe you. You beast!

0:26:310:26:34

-What you on about?

-He's told me.

-What?

0:26:340:26:37

Everything you've been saying about me.

0:26:370:26:38

I haven't been saying anything about you.

0:26:380:26:40

-He's just told me!

-Oh, man...

-Dance, puppets.

0:26:400:26:43

You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, Mark Thomas!

0:26:430:26:45

-Dance for Daddy.

-You're so defensive all the time.

0:26:450:26:47

-I'm defensive, am I?

-You know what annoys me about you?

-Oh, go on.

0:26:470:26:50

You speak in a high-pitched voice to get your point across.

0:26:500:26:53

HIGH-PITCHED: I don't know what you're talking about!

0:26:530:26:55

-Only dogs could hear that.

-Do you know what annoys me about you?

-What?

0:26:550:26:58

That tooth. That tooth is a stupid tooth.

0:26:580:27:00

It's about time someone paid them back for humiliating

0:27:000:27:03

those poor, poor parents.

0:27:030:27:04

Why don't YOU pipe down?

0:27:040:27:07

JOLLY PIANO MUSIC

0:27:070:27:11

Right on your face!

0:27:240:27:27

Oh! Ha-ha-ha!

0:27:490:27:52

Yes, none of these exercises seem to be working

0:27:520:27:55

so I suggest we return to your roots.

0:27:550:27:57

No, the world can not find out I'm not a natural mousy brown.

0:27:570:28:02

Not your hair roots. I mean, your roots as pop singers.

0:28:020:28:04

Why don't you try expressing your feelings to each other using

0:28:040:28:07

-the medium of song?

-I don't know.

0:28:070:28:09

I don't think we're prepared for something like that.

0:28:090:28:12

# Mark, I love your face

0:28:120:28:16

# And, Mark

0:28:180:28:20

# I really love your face

0:28:200:28:23

# Sam, your hair glistens like a beacon of grease

0:28:230:28:28

# No, but, Mark, I just said I really LOVE your face

0:28:290:28:34

# You've got a big moon face

0:28:340:28:36

# No, Mark, we're loving each other's faces at the minute

0:28:360:28:40

# I've got a better face than you. #

0:28:400:28:42

-No, MY face is better than your face!

-My face is better!

0:28:420:28:44

-My face is better!

-My face is better!

0:28:440:28:46

-# My face is better than yours. #

-No!

0:28:460:28:48

-# My face is better than yours. #

-No! It's my face!

0:28:480:28:50

# It's my face.

0:28:500:28:52

# My-my-my-my-my-my-my-my-my-my -my-my-my face

0:28:520:28:54

# My face, my face is better

0:28:540:28:55

# My face, my face. #

0:28:550:28:57

Go on, carry on.

0:28:590:29:00

How are we supposed to carry on singing with water in us face?

0:29:000:29:03

You tell me.

0:29:030:29:05

MUSIC: Uptown Girl by Billy Joel

0:29:060:29:09

MUSIC: (Is This The Way To) Amarillo by Tony Christie

0:29:270:29:30

MUSIC: Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepson

0:29:400:29:44

MUSIC: Dancing Queen by ABBA

0:29:520:29:56

MUSIC: Dancing In The Street by Martha and the Vandellas

0:30:000:30:04

MUSIC: Don't Stop Me Now by Queen

0:30:150:30:18

MUSIC: Roar by Katy Perry

0:30:230:30:26

MUSIC: Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham!

0:31:160:31:20

MUSIC: Angels by Robbie Williams

0:31:320:31:36

MUSIC: Candy by Robbie Williams

0:31:590:32:02

MUSIC: Reet Petite by Jackie Wilson

0:32:070:32:11

MUSIC: 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton

0:32:230:32:27

MUSIC: Reach by S Club 7

0:32:410:32:44

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:33:110:33:13

Hold your fire, hold your fire.

0:33:130:33:15

Well, now we've cooled down a little, I suggest we sit in silence

0:33:180:33:22

and enjoy each other's company.

0:33:220:33:25

-Will you just stop that?

-What?

0:33:360:33:37

The thing you keep doing with your eyelids.

0:33:370:33:39

-What, blinking?

-Yes, blinking.

0:33:390:33:41

-What's wrong with the way I blink?

-The noise!

0:33:410:33:44

Does it have to be so loud?

0:33:440:33:45

Blink-blink-blink-blink-blink -blink-blink-blink!

0:33:450:33:48

That's all I hear every single minute of the blinking day!

0:33:480:33:51

Well, you're a fine one to talk, aren't you?

0:33:510:33:53

-That thing you do with your lungs.

-What, breathing?

-Yeah.

0:33:530:33:57

-Well, it's keeping me alive.

-Exactly.

0:33:570:33:59

How do you two even work together?

0:33:590:34:01

You look so in tune

0:34:010:34:02

when you're facing off against other celebrities.

0:34:020:34:05

That's different. That's because I'm really competitive.

0:34:050:34:07

You're not as competitive as me.

0:34:070:34:08

Huh, I think you'll find I'm more competitive.

0:34:080:34:11

-I'm more competitive.

-I'm 1,000 times more competitive than you.

0:34:110:34:15

Well, I'm infinity more times competitive than you.

0:34:150:34:18

Well, I'm infinity more times competitive than you plus one. Hah!

0:34:180:34:21

-Have you heard this?

-Sorry, I didn't hear a thing due to your...

0:34:210:34:23

-SHOUTS:

-..incessant blinking!

0:34:230:34:26

Somewhere on the streets of the UK, TV's dynamic duo,

0:34:310:34:36

Sam and Mark, are about to go head-to-head with

0:34:360:34:38

a pair of fearless celebs on a mystery mission.

0:34:380:34:42

Let's go, let's go!

0:34:420:34:44

Enlisting the help of the local community,

0:34:440:34:46

they must do all they can to complete their surprise challenge,

0:34:460:34:49

but only one daring double act will be victorious.

0:34:490:34:54

This is Sam and Mark's Big Friday Face-Off!

0:34:540:34:58

Hi, there. We're Sam and Mark.

0:35:000:35:01

And they are top TV funnymen Johnny and Inel.

0:35:010:35:04

-Hi, I'm Johnny.

-And I'm Inel.

0:35:040:35:06

-And we're funny.

-Yes.

-And we are on the beautiful beachfront of...

0:35:060:35:10

ALL: Prestatyn!

0:35:100:35:12

-But why, oh, why are we here?!

-I don't know. You asked us.

0:35:120:35:16

Well, apparently our challenge for today is contained in these

0:35:160:35:19

-two golden envelopes.

-Well, what are we waiting for?

0:35:190:35:22

"Greetings, Sam, Mark, Johnny and Inel.

0:35:220:35:26

"Welcome to the Big Face-off Song Challenge.

0:35:260:35:29

"You must write and perform a song about all things Prestatyn.

0:35:290:35:34

"The song must include the line, 'Press that in.'"

0:35:340:35:37

Press that in!

0:35:370:35:40

"Have at least one person playing an instrument." That's not me.

0:35:410:35:46

-"Include lyrics provided by the lovely local folk."

-Brilliant!

-OK.

0:35:460:35:50

"And have one additional person to join you in your performance.

0:35:500:35:55

"You will have only a mobile phone

0:35:550:35:57

-"and £50 to help you on your musical journey."

-50 quid as well?

0:35:570:36:01

-We only spend a tenner of that and 40 quid profit.

-Lovely!

-Yeah!

0:36:010:36:05

'Glad you're in tune with the challenge, boys.

0:36:050:36:08

-'Now, to your starting positions.'

-All right. See you later, lads.

0:36:080:36:11

Our duetting duos have to write a song before performing it at

0:36:110:36:15

a holiday park at 8pm tonight,

0:36:150:36:17

but who will judge the top tunes from the bum notes?

0:36:170:36:20

Meet guest judges Joe and Jake.

0:36:200:36:23

After meeting on The Voice UK, Joe and Jake went on to release

0:36:230:36:26

their debut single and represent the UK

0:36:260:36:29

at the 2016 Eurovision Song contest.

0:36:290:36:32

Music is definitely their forte,

0:36:320:36:34

but will our duo's tracks be a hit or a miss?

0:36:340:36:37

Let the challenge commence.

0:36:400:36:42

-Gametime, brother.

-OK.

0:36:460:36:47

OK, calm down. We need to get instruments first, I think.

0:36:470:36:51

-OK, yeah.

-Because at least we know then the vibe of the song that we

0:36:510:36:54

need to go with. We could go to the place where I actually saw a guitar.

0:36:540:36:58

-Oh, you've seen one already?

-I've seen one. Let's go. Let's go.

0:36:580:37:02

Where shall we start?

0:37:020:37:03

Well, we're at the top of the hill, so let's go downhill. It's easier.

0:37:030:37:06

-I reckon this is not going to be £50.

-No, hopefully not.

0:37:060:37:10

We've got to make a song up about the town,

0:37:100:37:13

so if there's any lyrics that might spring to mind.

0:37:130:37:17

Well, for starters, I don't live here.

0:37:170:37:19

-I've only been to the jeweller's.

-The jeweller's.

-Jeweller's.

0:37:190:37:23

'It's a start.'

0:37:230:37:24

-Don't touch it! It says, "Please do not twang."

-£22.50.

0:37:240:37:29

-Can you haggle?

-20 quid, see if you can get it for 20 quid.

-Well, that's

0:37:290:37:33

-what I was thinking.

-Then a £2 cup of tea.

-Yeah.

0:37:330:37:35

We're in Prestatyn and we've got to write a song about Prestatyn,

0:37:350:37:38

so anything you might know about Prestatyn that might inspire

0:37:380:37:41

-some lyrics?

-I'm from Liverpool.

0:37:410:37:44

We have got a bit of a challenge to do.

0:37:440:37:45

We've got £50 and we need to find an instrument.

0:37:450:37:48

-I've got a cracking lute up there.

-SAM AND MARK: A lute?!

-Yeah.

0:37:480:37:51

-Now you're talking.

-I don't know if I can play a lute.

-'What's a lute?'

0:37:510:37:54

-Played in the medieval days.

-Was it really?!

0:37:540:37:56

-Do you mind just showing us it?

-I think I could play that.

0:37:560:37:58

-I've never tried to play a lute.

-I think I could play that.

0:37:580:38:01

Hey, sir.

0:38:010:38:02

-Are you from Prestatyn at all?

-Well, I live here.

0:38:020:38:05

We've got to write a song about Prestatyn and we're looking

0:38:050:38:08

for any inspiration, maybe, for lyrics that we can come up with.

0:38:080:38:11

Is there anything you know that might help us?

0:38:110:38:14

No.

0:38:140:38:16

Yeah, that sounds terrible. I think we should stick with the guitar.

0:38:180:38:20

I like it.

0:38:200:38:21

But is there any, like, kind of local facts or anything that

0:38:210:38:25

-might inspire some lyrics?

-No.

0:38:250:38:27

-We live by the sea.

-Live by the sea.

-Boom. That's big.

0:38:270:38:30

-You're a lot more talented than what you let on.

-Hey! There we are.

0:38:300:38:33

What do you love about Prestatyn,

0:38:330:38:35

other than this lovely shop, obviously?

0:38:350:38:37

Various clientele comes in, you know.

0:38:370:38:39

I mean, most of them are nice people.

0:38:390:38:41

-You get the odd idiot, but most of them are nice.

-That's a great lyric.

0:38:410:38:44

-"Most of them are nice people, you get the odd idiot."

-Yeah, yeah.

0:38:440:38:47

Charming(!)

0:38:470:38:49

Armed with an instrument,

0:38:490:38:50

Sam and Mark are finding inspiration everywhere.

0:38:500:38:52

# Bunny at the crossroads Waiting for the green man

0:38:520:38:55

# Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. # You've still got it.

0:38:550:38:58

We've got to make a song up about Prestatyn and we've already got

0:38:580:39:01

-good jewels...

-Good jewels.

-..from George.

-Yes.

0:39:010:39:04

-Live by the sea...

-Living in it.

-..from Stephen.

-Mm-hm.

0:39:040:39:07

-I mean, the song basically writes itself.

-I tell you what,

0:39:070:39:10

-we have to just do two more minutes of this and we're done.

-Yeah.

0:39:100:39:13

Two more minutes, max.

0:39:130:39:14

'Apparently this challenge is too easy.'

0:39:140:39:16

Want a cup of tea or something?

0:39:160:39:17

Well, we should do. I mean, we've got 50 quid.

0:39:170:39:20

The biggest thing for Prestatyn, we are the end of the Offa's Dyke.

0:39:200:39:23

Offa's? Offa?

0:39:230:39:25

-Like the Pennine Trail, like that?

-That kind of thing, yeah.

-OK.

0:39:250:39:28

Similar to the Pennine Trail.

0:39:280:39:31

-Which is better - the Pennine Trail or Offa's Dyke?

-Offa's definitely.

0:39:310:39:34

-Does it OFFER much more?

-'Good one.'

0:39:340:39:38

James, let's set the scene, yeah?

0:39:380:39:40

-Right.

-It's Friday. What are you going to be doing with your friends?

0:39:400:39:43

-Beach.

-Beach?

-Yeah, beach.

-Yeah!

-Beach is a good one.

0:39:430:39:47

-We ain't even got that.

-What do you do at the beach?

0:39:470:39:49

-Build sandcastles.

-Yes!

0:39:500:39:53

-Are you actually on telly?

-Yeah.

0:39:530:39:55

-Keep talking.

-And this time of day, this is called the golden hour.

0:39:550:40:00

-# Golden hour.

-The golden hour. #

-The golden hour.

0:40:000:40:02

The beautiful hills and vales of Prestatyn.

0:40:020:40:05

-# The beautiful hills... #

-We have a retail park.

0:40:050:40:08

So, James, let's finish this off, right? What are the houses like?

0:40:080:40:12

Nice. Quite big, some of them.

0:40:120:40:14

-Big houses, some of them.

-Quite big houses.

0:40:140:40:17

-Some of them.

-Some of them are colourful.

-Oi, colourful.

0:40:170:40:20

-Quite colourful big houses.

-Put that in.

0:40:200:40:22

We haven't got a lot of lyrics. It's only going to be a minute long.

0:40:220:40:25

Yeah. I reckon we've got more than enough.

0:40:250:40:27

Johnny and Inel are running scared.

0:40:270:40:28

I think we've got enough material for an entire album.

0:40:280:40:30

I do.

0:40:300:40:32

The stage is set. Both teams have put in some last-minute rehearsals,

0:40:320:40:35

but whose song will win over our judges Joe and Jake?

0:40:350:40:40

We are both going to be looking for

0:40:400:40:41

a really confident and fun performance.

0:40:410:40:43

-We really want the guys to stand out and just enjoy themselves.

-Simple.

0:40:430:40:47

Or is it? Time to find out.

0:40:470:40:49

Introducing onto the stage, it's Johnny and Inel!

0:40:490:40:53

Sing your heart out, lads.

0:40:530:40:55

I'm actually quite nervous now.

0:40:550:40:57

HE BEATBOXES

0:41:000:41:02

# Prestatyn

0:41:040:41:06

# Prestatyn, Prestatyn

0:41:060:41:09

# Press that in

0:41:090:41:10

# Press that in... #

0:41:100:41:12

# Prestatyn

0:41:290:41:31

# Prestatyn

0:41:310:41:32

# Prestatyn

0:41:320:41:34

# Press that in... #

0:41:340:41:36

# Prestatyn

0:41:450:41:47

-# Prestatyn, Prestatyn... #

-It's really good.

0:41:470:41:50

-It's really good.

-# Press that in... #

0:41:500:41:52

It's annoyingly good.

0:41:520:41:54

# Prestatyn Prestatyn

0:41:540:41:58

# Prestatyn

0:41:580:42:01

# Prestatyn... #

0:42:010:42:04

Sounds good, sounds good to me!

0:42:040:42:07

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:42:080:42:11

Wow. Just wow!

0:42:110:42:13

Those boys really know how to handle a tiny saxophone.

0:42:130:42:16

-Please welcome to the stage Sam and Mark!

-But will it be enough?

0:42:160:42:21

Got it. # Ooh-ohh

0:42:230:42:26

-# Wicked, wha-wha-wha-wha

-Ooh-ooh

0:42:260:42:29

# Yeah

0:42:290:42:31

# Break it down

0:42:310:42:32

# Prestatyn Prestatyn

0:42:450:42:47

# Sounds like press that in Press that in

0:42:470:42:50

# Prestatyn Prestatyn

0:43:010:43:03

# Sounds like press that in Press that in

0:43:030:43:07

# Prestatyn Prestatyn

0:43:070:43:09

# Sounds like press that in

0:43:090:43:12

-# Oohhhh...

-Press it in, press it in

0:43:120:43:15

# Press it in Press the button

0:43:150:43:18

# Press it in, press it in Press it in, press it in

0:43:180:43:21

# Press it, press it, press it in, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

0:43:210:43:23

# Prestatyn, Prestatyn

0:43:230:43:26

# Press that in Press that in

0:43:260:43:29

# Prestatyn, Prestatyn

0:43:290:43:31

# Prestatyn, Prestatyn Press that in. #

0:43:310:43:35

-Thank you!

-Thanks everybody.

0:43:350:43:36

I want to press that into my CD player and put it on repeat.

0:43:360:43:41

Anyway, it's judgment time.

0:43:410:43:44

So, Jake, what did you like about Johnny and Inel's Song?

0:43:440:43:48

I loved how unique it was.

0:43:480:43:49

It was just so current and catchy

0:43:490:43:51

and I think you got everyone involved.

0:43:510:43:53

-And of course the use of instrument.

-Fantastic use of the instrument.

0:43:530:43:56

-Go on, give us a whirl.

-Give us a blast.

0:43:560:43:59

Beautiful, right? Isn't that beautiful?

0:43:590:44:02

And of course, Sam and Mark, what d'you love about their performance?

0:44:020:44:05

-The chorus!

-# Press that in Prestatyn... #

0:44:050:44:08

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!

0:44:080:44:10

Sing the chorus to Johnny and Inel's song!

0:44:100:44:12

-OK, we've got some trash talk.

-We're ready, aren't we, Jake?

0:44:140:44:17

-After three?

-After three.

0:44:170:44:20

You guys going to count three? In three...

0:44:200:44:22

AUDIENCE: ..two, one.

0:44:220:44:24

JOE AND JAKE: Sam and Mark!

0:44:240:44:27

-Congratulations.

-# Prestatyn, Prestatyn

0:44:280:44:31

# Press that in Press that in. #

0:44:310:44:35

-Cheers, guys.

-Oh, wow! We get a trophy and everything!

0:44:350:44:39

CHEERING

0:44:390:44:41

Thanks to Johnny and Inel. Thank you very much. Well played, well played.

0:44:410:44:45

-Excellent competitors.

-Sam and Mark, still number one.

0:44:450:44:50

It's race time.

0:44:500:44:51

Ready!

0:44:510:44:54

Set!

0:44:540:44:55

Sam and Mark and Catherine and Kelly have had just a couple of hours

0:44:570:45:00

to find three people willing to join them in a 400m relay race.

0:45:000:45:03

That's a good head start for us.

0:45:030:45:05

Team Sam and Mark have taken an early lead.

0:45:050:45:08

Is anyone else worried about Paddy?

0:45:080:45:10

-Come on, Dave.

-We need this now.

0:45:100:45:12

Start running, Dave. GO!

0:45:120:45:15

Wow, Team Sam and Mark really going for it.

0:45:150:45:18

Oh, no, here comes the pram, here comes the wheels.

0:45:180:45:21

Go! Go! Go! Whoo!

0:45:210:45:23

-Well done, Dave.

-Well done, Dave.

0:45:250:45:28

Sam and Mark have set away.

0:45:280:45:30

They are a person light, so they're having to do 200 metres

0:45:300:45:33

as opposed to just one and they're already struggling.

0:45:330:45:36

Well done, Sam!

0:45:360:45:38

Go!

0:45:380:45:40

Come on!

0:45:400:45:43

-They're about to be overtaken.

-'He's like a gazelle.'

0:45:430:45:46

That's the bit, that's the losing moment.

0:45:460:45:49

They're in big trouble here.

0:45:490:45:51

They're only halfway round the bend at the top of track and the

0:45:510:45:53

Blue team are about to receive the baton for their final leg.

0:45:530:45:56

One, two, three...

0:45:560:45:57

Kelly and Catherine are away on the final leg.

0:45:570:45:59

Eyes on the prize. Eyes on the prize.

0:45:590:46:02

I'm really tired!

0:46:020:46:03

Sam and Mark absolutely nowhere.

0:46:030:46:06

-Come on!

-Who was that guy who hurt his leg that time and his dad...?

0:46:060:46:10

THEY LAUGH

0:46:100:46:12

-They might as well give up now.

-Come on!

0:46:120:46:15

And here we go. Ten metres left.

0:46:150:46:17

-Winners!

-Victorious, the Blue team. Catherine and Kelly.

0:46:210:46:25

-Argh!

-Oh, come on!

-Finish the race!

0:46:250:46:29

Kind of knew they were going to win if I'm completely honest.

0:46:290:46:32

Heads together, come on, lads. You've got this.

0:46:320:46:35

Come on, boys!

0:46:350:46:38

'And the losers. Too many trips to the biscuit tin.'

0:46:380:46:41

Let's try a different tack.

0:46:420:46:44

What would you two say if I said you would never see each other

0:46:440:46:47

-ever again?

-I'd say good riddance.

-Oh, would you?

0:46:470:46:50

Well, I'd say...good.

0:46:500:46:52

Well, at least I wouldn't have to spend the next 13 years

0:46:520:46:55

looking at your ridiculous facial expressions.

0:46:550:46:58

Well, at least I wouldn't have to see that stupid dance of yours.

0:46:580:47:01

Yes, thank you, if you could sit down, please. Thank you.

0:47:030:47:06

Well, at least I'd have to learn twice as many lines. Oh.

0:47:060:47:10

Oh, yeah. Come to think of it,

0:47:100:47:12

-I'd have to start cleaning my own dressing room.

-Yeah.

0:47:120:47:15

And I'll have to clean the toilet with my own toothbrush.

0:47:150:47:19

-Do you know what, mate? I couldn't live without you.

-Nor I you.

0:47:190:47:24

BOTH SOB

0:47:240:47:27

HE RETCHES

0:47:270:47:29

Oh, I've never seen this sickening side to you two before.

0:47:290:47:32

-Hey, there's a lot you've not seen, Doctor.

-Like this unseen footage

0:47:320:47:35

from across the series, starting with

0:47:350:47:37

a special performance from Union J.

0:47:370:47:39

Who are you talking to?

0:47:390:47:41

No-one.

0:47:410:47:42

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:47:470:47:49

# I thought that I'd been hurt before

0:47:540:47:58

# But no-one's ever left me quite this sore

0:48:000:48:04

# Cos your words cut deeper than a knife

0:48:060:48:11

# Now I need someone to breathe me back to life

0:48:120:48:19

# I got a feeling that I'm going under

0:48:200:48:23

# But I know that we'll make it out alive

0:48:230:48:26

# If I quit calling you my lover

0:48:260:48:29

# Move on

0:48:290:48:30

# You watch me

0:48:300:48:32

# Bleed until I can't breathe

0:48:320:48:34

# Shaking, falling onto my knees

0:48:340:48:37

# And now that I'm without your kisses

0:48:370:48:41

# I'll be needing stitches

0:48:410:48:45

# Tripping over myself

0:48:450:48:47

# I'm aching, begging you to come help

0:48:470:48:50

# And now that I'm without your kisses

0:48:500:48:54

# I'll be needing stitches

0:48:540:48:58

# Just like a moth drawn to the flame

0:48:580:49:02

# Yeah, you pulled me in, I couldn't take the pain

0:49:030:49:09

# Your bitter heart, cold to the touch

0:49:110:49:14

# Now I'm gonna reap what I sow

0:49:160:49:19

# I'm left seeing red on my own, my own

0:49:190:49:24

# Got a feeling that I'm going under

0:49:240:49:27

# But I know that I'll make it out alive

0:49:270:49:30

# If I quit calling you my lover

0:49:300:49:33

# Move on

0:49:330:49:35

# You watch me

0:49:350:49:36

# Bleed until I can't breathe

0:49:360:49:38

# I'm shaking, falling onto my knees

0:49:380:49:41

# And now that I'm without your kisses

0:49:410:49:46

# I'll be needing stitches

0:49:460:49:49

# Tripping over myself

0:49:490:49:51

# I'm aching, begging you to come help

0:49:510:49:54

# And now that I'm without your kisses

0:49:540:49:58

# I'll be needing stitches

0:49:580:50:02

# Needle and the thread, gotta get you out of my head

0:50:080:50:11

# Needle and the thread, gonna wind up dead

0:50:110:50:14

# Needle and the thread, gotta get you out of my head

0:50:140:50:18

# Needle and the thread, gonna wind up dead

0:50:180:50:21

# Needle and the thread, gotta get you out of my head

0:50:210:50:24

# Needle and the thread, gonna wind up dead

0:50:240:50:28

# Needle and the thread, gonna get you out of my head

0:50:280:50:30

# Get you out of my head

0:50:300:50:32

# You watch me bleed until I can't breathe

0:50:320:50:36

# I'm shaking, falling onto my knees

0:50:360:50:39

# And now that I'm without your kisses

0:50:390:50:43

-# I'll be needing stitches

-I'll be needing stitches

0:50:430:50:46

# Tripping over myself

0:50:460:50:48

# I'm aching, begging you to come help

0:50:480:50:52

# And now that I'm without your kisses

0:50:520:50:56

# I'll be needing stitches

0:50:560:50:58

# And now that I'm without your kisses

0:50:580:51:03

# I'll be needing stitches

0:51:030:51:05

-# (And I'll be)

-I'm without your kisses

0:51:050:51:09

# I'll be needing sti-i-itches, yeah. #

0:51:090:51:14

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank you.

0:51:140:51:17

BELL RINGS

0:51:170:51:18

Will all children congregate in the Wind-Up assembly hall,

0:51:180:51:22

for School Of Shame?!

0:51:220:51:24

Here's your geography supply teacher,

0:51:240:51:27

Mr "Naughty Step" Nixon.

0:51:270:51:30

Hello, class.

0:51:330:51:35

-ALL:

-Hello, Mr Nixon!

0:51:350:51:36

Hello, everybody!

0:51:360:51:39

And here's your PE teacher,

0:51:400:51:42

Mr "Can't Control The Class" Rhodes.

0:51:420:51:45

Hello, class!

0:51:450:51:47

SILENCE

0:51:470:51:49

Right, that's what I'm talking about. Respect!

0:51:500:51:54

Now, boys and girls,

0:51:540:51:55

it has come to my attention that

0:51:550:51:58

a lot of you here have been very, very naughty.

0:51:580:52:02

Just like you, Anne! DRAMATIC DRUMBEAT

0:52:020:52:05

-Is this Jessica?

-Yeah.

0:52:050:52:07

-Jessica, is this your mum Anne?

-Yeah.

0:52:070:52:09

Now, I've heard that your mum

0:52:090:52:11

-is a bad dancer. Is this right?

-Yeah.

-No.

0:52:110:52:13

No? Well, we're about to find out. Anne, stand up...

0:52:130:52:16

Let's have some music, give us a bit of a dance.

0:52:160:52:19

MUSIC: Candyman by Christina Aguilera

0:52:190:52:21

Wooo!

0:52:210:52:23

I quite like it actually. Yeah!

0:52:230:52:25

Why is your mum embarrassing?

0:52:250:52:27

Like, when me and my mates are chilling out, and...

0:52:270:52:30

When we play FIFA, we always, like, like to dab when we score,

0:52:300:52:32

and then a couple of times

0:52:320:52:34

Mum comes in the room and starts to dab.

0:52:340:52:37

-Dab?

-Around my mates.

0:52:370:52:39

What's... What's "dab"?

0:52:390:52:41

What is a dab?

0:52:410:52:42

Can you do a dab for me?

0:52:420:52:43

What is it?! Go on, do a dab.

0:52:450:52:47

I don't know what that is!

0:52:470:52:49

-How embarrassing is he? What does he do that's embarrassing?

-Erm...

0:52:490:52:52

his dancing's really embarrassing.

0:52:520:52:54

Oh, no!

0:52:540:52:55

I hear that you've banned him from dancing

0:52:550:52:57

-in your house.

-Yes.

-Is it because he dances to Madchester music?

-Yes.

0:52:570:53:01

-Is this right, Ian?

-You know what it's like, the mood just takes me.

0:53:010:53:04

-Does it really?

-A record comes on the radio...

0:53:040:53:07

-A record(!)

-Yeah.

-..and I've got to get dancing.

0:53:070:53:09

Well, do you know what, you might be banned in your house,

0:53:090:53:11

but you're not banned in the Wind-Up studio -

0:53:110:53:13

stand up, let's get some music!

0:53:130:53:14

MUSIC: Step On by Happy Mondays

0:53:140:53:17

Mad for it! Mad for it.

0:53:210:53:23

Now, Cara, this is your stepdad, isn't it?

0:53:230:53:25

-Yeah.

-And he's very embarrassing, isn't he?

-Yeah.

0:53:250:53:27

He was very embarrassing earlier on today.

0:53:270:53:30

That's right, isn't it, Richard?

0:53:300:53:31

-Because you went into the wrong lavatories.

-I did.

0:53:310:53:35

-Which ones did you go into?

-The ladies'.

-The ladies'?!

0:53:350:53:37

I think you need your eyes testing, mate.

0:53:370:53:39

-What's your job?

-Optician.

0:53:390:53:40

-Brilliant.

-LAUGHTER

0:53:400:53:42

Now, you did something very embarrassing once,

0:53:420:53:45

because I believe you were sat in your car,

0:53:450:53:46

and a van came and parked

0:53:460:53:48

-right by the side of your car, didn't it?

-Yeah.

0:53:480:53:50

So you got out of your car, and you gave the people whose van it was

0:53:500:53:53

-a piece of your mind, didn't you?

-Yes.

0:53:530:53:55

Now, this is your dad, isn't it?

0:53:550:53:57

Now, it was embarrassing for you, wasn't it? Because whose van was it?

0:53:570:54:01

-Ant and Dec's.

-Ant and Dec's van?!

0:54:010:54:03

LAUGHTER

0:54:030:54:05

-You gave Ant and Dec a piece of your mind?

-Oh, yes, I did.

0:54:050:54:09

Rhydian...

0:54:090:54:10

-That's your mum, innit?

-Yeah.

0:54:100:54:12

-She's embarrassing, isn't she?

-Yeah.

0:54:120:54:14

-Why is that?

-She does a terrible '70s dancing.

0:54:140:54:18

Well, we gotta see this, haven't we?

0:54:180:54:20

Go on, love - up you get, Come on, love.

0:54:200:54:22

FUNKY '70s-STYLE MUSIC

0:54:220:54:24

Leave me hanging for ages!

0:54:290:54:31

What do you do in front of Kayleigh's friends all the time,

0:54:310:54:34

which is disgusting, quite frankly, Peter?

0:54:340:54:36

I blow air through my eye.

0:54:360:54:38

-You blow air through your eye?!

-I do.

0:54:380:54:40

I've never heard of this mystical magicness. What is it?

0:54:400:54:43

-Shall I do it?

-Yeah, please. Do I need to mic your eye(?)

0:54:430:54:46

-Just there, yeah.

-OK...

0:54:460:54:47

SQUEAKY NOISE

0:54:470:54:48

GROANING AND LAUGHTER Awww!

0:54:480:54:51

That's not embarrassing, it's awesome!

0:54:510:54:53

I mean, it's embarrassing!

0:54:530:54:55

Why is your mum embarrassing?

0:54:550:54:56

Well, every time Uptown Funk comes on in the shops

0:54:560:54:59

she decides to sing and dance.

0:54:590:55:01

I want to see this. Stand up. Come on.

0:55:010:55:03

MUSIC: Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

0:55:030:55:06

Look at her face, she loves it, she loves it!

0:55:090:55:11

I hear that your dad's embarrassing

0:55:110:55:12

because he plays guitar a lot and sings silly songs. Is that right?

0:55:120:55:15

-He does.

-Does he? Oh, well, you'll never guess what, Martin -

0:55:150:55:19

we've got a guitar right here.

0:55:190:55:21

-Oh, great.

-Here we go! Sing a little song, will you? Here we go...

0:55:210:55:24

-Oh, dear...

-Here we go.

0:55:240:55:25

DISCORDANT STRUMMING Oh, that's lovely in tune, carry on.

0:55:250:55:28

# She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes... #

0:55:280:55:32

Yee-ha!

0:55:320:55:33

# She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes... #

0:55:330:55:35

Yee-ha! Look at him.

0:55:350:55:36

# She'll be coming round the mountain, coming round the mountain

0:55:360:55:40

# Coming round the mountain when she comes. #

0:55:400:55:43

Aw, that was awful...

0:55:430:55:45

..I like you more.

0:55:450:55:48

-Oh, I like YOU more.

-YOU more!

0:55:480:55:49

-Stop it, you...

-Right, that's it! You two make me sick.

0:55:490:55:52

Have you forgotten what he said about you being unable to talk

0:55:520:55:55

without using an autocue?!

0:55:550:55:56

That isn't...

0:55:560:55:58

Yeah. True.

0:55:580:55:59

False? Correct?

0:55:590:56:01

And what about him, saying that your greatest achievement

0:56:010:56:03

was losing a cooking competition?

0:56:030:56:05

-How's his Scotch eggs, eh? Still "inadequate"?

-Doctor...

0:56:050:56:08

We've both grown as humans since then.

0:56:080:56:10

-I hear you.

-I forgive you.

0:56:100:56:13

BOTH: I still like you.

0:56:130:56:16

No, this isn't how it's meant to be. I get paid by the hour.

0:56:160:56:18

I was supposed to get another four years out of you two.

0:56:180:56:21

I'm sensing some anger issues. You ever considered counselling?

0:56:210:56:24

It's not me that needs the counselling.

0:56:240:56:25

You two are a pair of useless...

0:56:250:56:28

Excuse me, Doctor.

0:56:280:56:30

If you wouldn't mind using your "indoor voice", please -

0:56:300:56:33

-I don't want you upsetting my Marky again.

-Oh, thanks, Sam.

0:56:330:56:35

He was beginning to hurt my delicate auditory system.

0:56:350:56:38

-Don't worry, Mark. That's what friends are for.

-Aww.

0:56:380:56:41

Right, that's it. I'm off. I'm off - to Tenerife!

0:56:410:56:43

And I'm never - I repeat, NEVER, coming back!

0:56:430:56:47

-Taxi...

-Moody. Something we said?

0:56:470:56:51

Hey, Mark -

0:56:510:56:52

let's vow never to argue again.

0:56:520:56:54

Yeah, we've been through so many good times during this series.

0:56:540:56:57

-I love you, man.

-I love you too.

0:56:570:56:59

-Come here.

-Come here!

0:56:590:57:02

Oh, there is one more thing I need to say to you.

0:57:020:57:04

-What's that?

-Bag.

0:57:040:57:06

Ah...!

0:57:060:57:08

(Ah, that's better.)

0:57:110:57:12

# ..Having a good time, having a good time

0:57:120:57:15

# I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky, like a tiger

0:57:150:57:18

-Yeah, yeah, yeah...

-# Defying the laws of gravity... #

0:57:180:57:21

-Who are they after?!

-I've got no idea!

0:57:210:57:22

# I'm a racing car passing by, like Lady Godiva

0:57:220:57:28

# I'm gonna go, go, go, there's no stopping me

0:57:280:57:32

# I'm burning through the sky, yeah

0:57:320:57:35

# 200 degrees, that's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit

0:57:350:57:40

# I'm travelling at the speed of light

0:57:400:57:43

# I want to make a supersonic man out of you

0:57:430:57:46

# Don't stop me now

0:57:460:57:48

# I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball

0:57:480:57:52

# Don't stop me now

0:57:520:57:53

# If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call

0:57:530:57:58

# Don't stop me cos I'm having a good time

0:57:580:58:00

# Don't stop me now, yes, I'm having a good time

0:58:000:58:04

# I don't wanna stop at all! #

0:58:040:58:09

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:58:090:58:10

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