Episode 13 Sam & Mark's Big Wind-Up

# Wind me up, put me down

# Start me up and watch me go

# Cos it's easy once you know how it's done

# You can't stop now, it's already begun. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen, let's get this party started.

Give it up for your hosts, Sam and Mark!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come on!

-Come on!

-What time is it? It's good time o'clock, baby!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Woo!

-Woo! Ooh hoo hoo!

-Oh, yeah!

-Welcome to the weekend!

-Come on!

All right, all right. Wait, wait.

-I'm going to stop you there.

-Calm down.

I'm going to have to stop you there, guys. I've got some bad news.

-It's the last show of the series.

-Oh!

-What?!

-I'll tell you what, though.

The good news is we're going to make it an absolute rip-snorter!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

He ain't kidding. We've got it all going on in today's show.

I'm talking celebrities in the shape of Parade!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

You know it, girlfriends!

I'm talking major surprises involving this studio audience.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

I'm talking about one of the tensest hidden camera pranks

we've ever done. Check this out.

I've noticed something.

-Fake teeth?

-I've just saw it. Then, when you talk.

No, these are my teeth, these.

-Stay tuned to find out what an earth was going on there.

-But, right now,

it's time once again to introduce a good old friend of ours.

Ladies and gentlemen, I know you love him as much as we do,

give a big hand for the Finger of Fun!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Woo, oh yeah! Sorry.

Now, you need to find us someone who is well up for a bit of fun.

So, Finger of Fun, find us someone!

# Gonna be, ah, yeah! #

-Oh, who's it going to be?

-Who's it going to be?

Keep waving, people. We've got our eyes on you.

Who's it going to be?

-BOTH:

-Oh!

OK, the finger has spoken.

-What's your name?

-Hannah.

Hannah! In that case...

-Whoa!

-The finger hasn't finished.

-It wants you to come down as well. What's your name?

-Louise.

In that case, you need to...

Whoa!

-Three!

-What's happening?

-Three!

-OK, what's your name?

-Rachel.

-All right, all you need to do is come down here

-cos it's time for The Prize Surprise.

-Come on down!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

-Hannah, how are you doing?

-I'm good.

-Are you enjoying the show?

-Yeah.

-Good, excellent.

-All right then. We've got Hannah, Louise and Rachel.

So you all know each other?

-Just a little joke.

-Sisters.

To be honest, we already knew that because, Hannah,

we've been doing a bit of digging on you

and your older sisters have been helping us out with that digging.

That's what older sisters are for. For example, Hannah,

we know that your nose

used to be a lot bigger when you were younger.

Have a look at this.

What?!

We also know you're a fan of a certain girl group

who are on the show today.

-Remind us of what they're called.

-Parade.

Interesting. We'll see if we can get you an autograph.

Sure we can sort that out for you, Hannah.

Something else we know is that you're a bit of a singing family,

aren't you? Do you all sing?

-Yeah.

-Now and again. Hannah, do you sing at all?

Don't be scared, you're all right.

Where do you think you get your singing skills from, Hannah?

-I don't know, I think it just runs in the family.

-Interesting.

It must be from your mum then. It must be in the genes.

I think we should find out ourselves

whether or not your mum's actually a good singer, because

surprise, surprise, Hannah, she's right here in the Wind Up studio.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the girls' mum, Bev,

and her brand new band, Parade!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

-Awesome.

-Hannah,

anything you'd like to say to your mum or sisters at this stage?

How could you do this to me?

-"How could you do this to me?" Amazing!

-It's a good question.

OK, girls, this is how it's going to work.

Your mum will sing three songs with the help of Parade

but we're going to be putting her singing skills to the test.

When the music stops, your mum will sing the next line all by herself.

For every one Mum gets right, you, Hannah,

will win a prize from the Wind Up prize stash.

If she gets all three right, we'll throw in today's star prize -

a pocket cinema system. Wow!

-That's amazing!

-You can watch a film in your pocket!

-Probably take it out first.

-Right.

-Do we all understand?

-Yeah.

Fantastic. Girls, how do you think she's going to do?

-I think she might be quite good, actually.

-That's nice.

-Mum, how are you feeling? Are you ready to rock?

-I'm ready to rock.

OK, I can't wait for this, I'm excited.

Let's find out, the first track is... It's my favourite.

She Makes Me Wanna by JLS. Take it away.

# Direct me to the floor

# And turn it up some more

# I'm gonna get it on on on on

# Direct me to the floor

# And turn it up some more

# I'm gonna get it on on on on on

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Oh oh oh oh oh... #

-Wow, that sounds pretty good.

-I like it.

-Oh, she's carrying on.

-She's still going.

# She makes me wanna Oh oh oh oh oh oh. #

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

That sounds pretty good. Let's see if she's right, have a listen.

# She makes me wanna oh oh oh oh oh

-Yeah.

-I love that.

All right, she did well there, girls, didn't she? Fantastic.

-In tune and everything.

-That's one prize from the prize stash.

Next song - it's my favourite.

Beyonce with Single Ladies - hit it!

# All the single ladies, all the single ladies

# All the single ladies, all the single ladies

# All the single ladies, all the single ladies

# All the single ladies, put your hands up

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh

# Oh oh oh oh

# You should have put a ring on it

# If you liked it, shoulda put a ring on it

# Oh oh oh, oh oh oh

# Oh oh oh oh oh oh. #

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Wow. Let's have a listen, see if you're right.

# If you liked it, you shoulda put a ring on it

# If you liked it, you shoulda put a ring on it. #

-We'll give you that.

-It was somewhere within the song anyway.

-That's another prize from the prize stash.

-She's doing you proud.

Third and final song - it's my favourite.

It's Shine by Take That. Let's have a listen.

# Your anticipation pulls you down

# When you can have it all

# You can have it all, all, all

# So come on, get it on, get it on

# I don't know what you're waiting for

# Your time is coming, don't be late

# Hey, hey, so come on

# See the light on your face

# Let it shine, let it shine

# Let it shine. #

APPLAUSE

I think you know this one but let's have a listen anyway.

# Let it shine, just let it shine

# Let it shine. #

-Nice.

-Hey!

Congratulations, she got all three right!

Everyone in the Wind Up audience, go wild in the aisles

and give it up for William and Miles!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-How are you doing, guys?

-Fine.

-Cool.

-Cool. Just laid-back.

-I love it. Putting out the vibe!

These faces might ring a bell - that's because Wind Up

isn't the only Sam and Mark show they've starred in.

These guys appeared on another of our critically-acclaimed

but still non-award-winning shows, TMI!

Let's take a trip down memory lane

and remind ourselves of the good times.

There's Miles and William, enjoying the good times in the TMI studio.

They even had a bit of a dance with Stavros Flatley.

ALL: Yeah!

I think it's fair to say a good time was had by all.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

-Good times.

-Loved it. Give it to me straight. TMI, best experience ever?

-BOTH: Yeah.

-Yeah!

I bet when TMI was done, you thought that was the last you'd hear of us?

-Yeah.

-Well, you were wrong.

-Really wrong.

And that's because with all the history between us,

you guys made ideal candidates for the game that we call In Yer Face!

For In Yer Face to work, we need two people that we had the "info" on.

-Two people whose addresses we knew.

-Check.

-Whose hobbies we knew.

-Check.

-And whose whereabouts on any given day we knew.

-Check.

We knew where you were going to be, and when you were going to be there,

and we were ready with our hidden cameras.

But the big question was,

could we infiltrate these guys' lives without being recognised?

Let's find out. Get this hidden-camera party started. Say it!

Roll VT!

Another heavenly day in Hale.

But then we showed up.

MUSIC: Theme from "Magnum PI"

-You guessed it, it's that time again.

-Lunchtime.

-Yes. No!

-No?

-It's time to play In Yer Face!

-We're going to get in the face of some people?

-Indeed! These two!

-I'm taking Miles.

-And I'm taking William.

The aim is not to get recognised.

We've got loads of disguises to help us out.

And whoever gets away with it the longest is the winner.

But if they make a positive ID right in OUR faces, then it's game over.

So let's get things kicked off!

Can Sam and Mark pretend to be rat-catchers without getting caught?

Let's find out. First up, Sam.

Here are the rules... Before I say the rules,

can I say you look even more ridiculous than usual.

-Yeah!

-You need to knock on Miles's door,

and say there's a rat infestation in the area.

Then you have to say, "Have you seen or smelt any rats?"

Then you need to give him a leaflet and explain what's on it,

then get out there as quickly as you can. Do you understand?

Loud and clear. I'm feeling pretty confident, mate.

Looking good, man.

That's a bit harsh!

I don't think he knows what house it is! Unbelievable.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

Hello, I'm from the Pesterminators.

We're going round the area, knocking on everyone's doors

making sure they know there's a rat problem in this area.

Did you know that?

-Basically, have you seen a rat?

-I don't think he's got any idea.

-Really? It was about a year ago we got the call.

-He's doing well.

We've been looking here for a year.

If you see a rat, go through these rules. One, run away.

Two, alert a professional - that's me.

Tell your parents to call that number. Three, take cover.

Take cover. Most importantly, stay calm. Don't worry about it.

-They'll not hurt you. Can I pass you one of these?

-No problem.

Thank you very much. Take care. If you smell a rat, get in touch.

-Oooh!

-Thanks, mate. Have a good day.

-Oooh!

-I can't complain with that.

-1-0.

-Yeah, all right, all right!

That was good. I don't think he suspected anything.

Also, you almost went to the wrong house!

-I know!

-Quite funny!

There was no number on the door!

I was like, "Is this the right house?!"

1-0 to me.

I've got to go to William's now, and do the same thing.

Rat up a drainpipe! Sam takes an early lead. Next up, Mark.

Try not to get caught. If you do, it's game over at the first hurdle.

Not going to happen, mate.

Best of luck.

Hello, mate.

I wonder if you can help me.

-There's been reports of a rat infestation in the area.

-Oh, OK.

I'm part of the Pesterminators.

We're passing out leaflets,

-and were wondering if you'd seen any rats in the vicinity?

-No, I haven't.

You haven't. Have you smelt a rat, at all?

-No, I'm not sure what a rat smells like.

-Pretty smelly.

That's why we use these. Like, this spray, and that.

Can I give you one of these leaflets?

It says, "The Pesterminators, making sure they won't come back."

Look at them, peruse at your leisure. Take care, mate.

See you soon. Bye.

-Bye.

-Thank you.

-That was good.

-Good.

-1-1.

-1-1.

-Bring it.

-Come on, then.

-One down, lots more to go.

-We'll see! I don't think he's got a clue!

Mark makes it one apiece, so it's time for round two.

These farmers have lost their dogs, but will they fool Miles and Willie?

Let's find out.

You have excelled yourself! You look like you should be on Emmerdale.

I feel good in this.

OK, next challenge, it's 1-1.

Your challenge is to go up to Miles in your best farmer accent

and ask him if he's seen your dogs.

And also I want you to try and get in the sentence,

-"I've got a brand-new combine harvester."

-I'm feeling confident.

-I'm feeling pretty confident today, in general.

-I beg to differ.

I don't know if it's because I know it's you,

but you definitely look like Sam.

Nah.

-Good comeback, man.

-Cheers.

-This is it. He's on his way.

-IN MIXED ACCENT:

-I don't suppose you've seen my two dogs?

They seem to have run away from me. They're two white/black dogs.

I call them Phil and Grant, but...

-That's the worst accent ever!

-Have you seen any dogs on your ways? No?

-Thanks.

-Combine harvester, combine harvester!

-I'll keep looking.

They may have sat in my combine harvester, my brand-new one.

-Thank you very much.

-I can't believe he got that in.

-Phil! Grant!

Ain't got a clue!

I think he just thought I was weird.

-Why?!

-He was looking at me like... But I think I got away with it.

-I DID get away with it.

-You did.

-I'm still in the game.

-And I got the combine harvester in!

-I know!

-I was like, "Combine harvester!" You did it. Fair play.

-Your turn.

-If you lose this one, game over for you, and I have won!

-Yeah.

Seriously, though, have you seen my dogs?

Oo-arrr! Sam takes a 2-1 lead. Next up, it's farmer Mark.

Are you feeling nervous? You must be feeling nervous

cos if you get rumbled on this, you're out of there.

-IN MIXED ACCENT:

-I'm going to do some method acting. You take note.

This is how a real actor does it.

I didn't understand a word of that!

I think they've arrived, Mark.

Gavin! Gavin! Stacey!

Where are you? You've not seen my two dogs, have you?

They're called Gavin and Stacey. I was working on my combine harvester

-and they just ran away.

-Are they big dogs?

-One's a poodle

and one's a Great Dane. So you'll be able to see them.

-Do you know where they are?

-Oo-arrr!

Well, the combine harvester's over there, and I was trying... Gavin!

He's in this field, I know he is. If you see them, give me a shout.

My name is Bill. I'm over there in the field. Thank you.

-OK, 2-2, brother.

-Two-all.

-This is getting spicy.

-Spicy!

We should turn up the heat. Turn it up, or get out the kitchen!

What are you banging on about?! 2-2.

OK, OK. Let's start at the beginning.

-Miles, do you get many visits from the rat man?

-No.

-Did you know it was me?

-No.

-That's good.

-Did you think it was a little strange?

-A tiny bit.

-I

-thought you were weird! And, William, did you smell a rat?

-No, not then.

-OK. And then we hit you with the old farmer

and his lost dog. "Have you seen my two dogs?!"

Miles, find anything weird about that farmer?

-It was just terrible!

-William, what about you?

I thought something was a bit weird

but I definitely didn't know it was you.

Really?! Even with my dodgy accent?

I knew that it was a fake accent but I just didn't know who it was.

I thought it might be some crazy person.

-It was!

-You were half right.

OK, well, that left us at 2-2. Someone still had to win this thing.

Remember, whichever one of us could last the longest

without getting recognised would claim victory.

OK, let's find out what happened next. Miles, do the deed.

Run VT.

Excellent.

In Your Face, round three.

Ice-cream man. Can Sam and Mark keep their cool

whilst handing out the lollies?

Hey, let's suck it and see.

OK, Sam, or should I say, Mario?

Here are the rules, my friend.

Miles is going to come up to you and in your best Italian accent,

you're going to ask him what ice cream he would like.

Then ask him what his favourite flavours are.

OK, I apologise in advance to any Italians watching.

I apologise to everybody everywhere watching.

Ciao, bella.

Amazing.

It's tense, it's tense. They're on their way.

You want ice cream-a?

You want ice cream? Come get ice cream-a? Two flavours.

We have the honey comb with an almond

or we have the mint-a choc-a chip-a.

Honeycomb with almond, please.

-Would you like it in a cone-a?

-Yes, please.

-OK, cone. Here we go-a.

-I can't believe he's getting away with it!

-What is your name?

-Miles.

Miles. Hello, Miles.

Ohhh, I cracked your cone-a! Let me get you another.

-Do you know me from somewhere?

-Yeah.

Ohhh, he's going to get him.

I don't know. Do you know me? I'm from Italy.

In that case, probably not.

You can have that one. It's for free.

-There you go-a.

-Thank you.

There you go.

Nice to meet you, Miles-ee.

Anybody want an ice-a cream?

He's done it. He got away with it. I can't believe this!

SAM LAUGHS

Do you want an ice cream?

Aargh! Keep saying that.

I can't believe that just happened!

-I think I got away with it as well!

-I know!

I heard him say, "Do I know you from somewhere?"

And then you said, "I'm from Italy."

Then he went, "Obviously not then." He genuinely meant it.

Oh, wow.

-I must be really good at doing Italian.

-What?!

Sam makes it 3-2,

but watch out, here's Mark.

Here they come. Are you nervous?

With this accent, no chance, mate.

Right.

Ice cream?

We have honeycomb centre or we have mint choc chip.

-Which one would you like?

-Mint choc chip, please.

In a cone or a tub?

Cone, please.

Cone, OK. What is your favourite ice cream?

Um, probably chocolate.

-Are you enjoying your day?

-Yeah.

-Good.

-Thank you.

Take care, my friend. You enjoy yourself.

OK, see you later.

In your face!

THEY BOTH LAUGH

-That was good.

-Yes! He ain't got a clue.

-I don't think he has.

-He hasn't got a clue!

How great am I on a scale of one to 100? 400.

Easy threesy, it's three apiece, which means it's time for round four.

Can Sam and Mark get their gnashers into this challenge

and pretend to be dentists, LADY dentists?! Let's find out.

OK, Sam, before we go any further,

I am appalled by your outfit.

You look absolutely ridiculous. But I've got to say, your teeth...

-Incredible.

-I've not been looking after them.

Anyway, your challenge is, in your best female voice,

you've got to assist the dentist with an oral exam.

You've got to get in their face and have a look at Miles's teeth.

OK. I will. I'll big it up, this one. I'll big it up.

Get right in his face.

Oooh, it's very exciting.

Help yourself to a seat there. You'll have to bear with us

cos we're training up a couple of members of staff.

-This is Sarah.

-Hello.

How have things been since we saw you last?

Come on, mate. You've got to get involved more than this.

Is it OK if I just let Sarah have a closer look at this?

Do you remember I was talking about the erupting teeth?

You've got to right in his face.

Look on the top left there.

Oh, yes. I can see that, yes. Why do you think that is then, Mark?

He's got to get it.

Those baby teeth have wobbled out and the big teeth are coming through.

How is he not noticing?

Have you got a sweet tooth at all? I've got a sweet tooth.

-That's good. Is that right, Mum?

-That is right.

-Wow.

You've got a sweet tooth, mate. You've got no teeth!

I've noticed something.

Fake teeth?!

Yeah, I just saw it, then, when you talk.

No, these are my teeth.

What? These teeth?

Behind them there's a row of really nice white teeth.

My bottom teeth are quite nice but I have trouble with my top teeth.

Hmmm.

"He's Sam from Sam and Mark." Say it.

All in all, things are looking really good.

If you bite together...

Say it, say it, say it. Come on.

I'll just sit you up a little. You're faster than our chair!

-This is ridiculous.

-Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Nice to meet you. Thank you for letting me look.

He's got a beard!

Bye!

He's going back in!

-Really?

-Come on, come on.

-Where's that?

-Come on, just say.

-Sorry, who do you think I am?

-Sam.

-Yes, got him!

-Knew it!

SAM LAUGHS

The ice cream guy!

-Ice cream guy! I was.

-And that guy calling his dogs.

I have been playing a game with you all day called In Your Face.

Mark's been playing this game with your friend, William. Here he is.

Hey, good to see you.

How did you not rumble him sooner? Look at him!

I was too polite to ask. I didn't want to make a scene.

Lovely stuff, but can Mark remain unrecognised and claim the victory?

Mark, how are you feeling?

I can't speak very well because I have the stupid teeth in.

Try not to get caught cos if you don't get caught, you've won.

I am the winner.

-How many times a day do you brush?

-Twice.

-Where's the tooth that you're having problems with?

-This one.

The bottom one? It's wobbly?

-A bit.

-I can't believe he's not been rumbled yet.

-What you want to do when you grow up?

-I want to be an actor.

Well, you have to look after your teeth if you want to be an actor.

-Yeah?

-OK, good.

Ugh.

We'll just finish that there.

In about six months' time unless you get any problems at all there.

-All right, see you, bye.

-Take care.

He's going to be a right smug badger.

Smug badger indeed.

Mark is today's winner.

-CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

-Oh, yes!

You've both been great sports.

Give a big round of applause to Miles and William. Fantastic.

All that's left to say is thank you very much for watching,

we hope you've enjoyed the series.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's end the show with a bang,

Grab your remote control, find the volume button

and turn it right up because this is Parade with Louder. Bye!

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

# This could be like Romeo and Juliet

# A tender love we won't regret

# I feel the way you're feeling too

# But baby I need more volume

# I need to hear your heart go boom

# If we're going to rock it rock the room

# Do it as bad as MJ did

# Baby don't whisper what you're saying

# Just imagine us now But with a little more power

# We'll be thundering

# We could make it so hot

# And we'd be living it up so do me one thing

# Turn it up, turn it up Turn it up, turn it up

# Turn it up louder, louder, louder, louder, louder, louder

# Turn it up louder, louder, louder, louder, louder, louder

# Pump that bass under my feet

# Feel that rhythm Your heartbeat beat

# Turn it up louder, louder, louder, louder, louder, louder

# Turn it up, boy, boy, turn it up boy

# Turn it up, boy, boy, turn it up boy

# I gotta get a rush so I need to say your love is dangerous... #