Episode 3 Sam & Mark's Total Wind-Ups

# Wind me up, put me down

# Start me off and watch me go

# It's easy Once you know how it's done

# You can't stop now It's already begun #

'Sam and Mark's...

'Yes! Get in!'

-If you love hidden-camera wind-ups...

-You're in the right place.

We are going to spoil you with some of our favourite pranks from Big Friday Wind-up.

Let's kick things off in Cheshire.

-Welcome to another edition of In Yer Face.

-But there's a twist!

This week's In Yer Face involves not one, not two, but three people.

-Which three?

-These three...

I'm taking Yannis...

And I'm taking his brother and sister Aris and Sophia.

That means I've got twice the chance of getting caught!

That's a shame. Good luck, mate.

The aim of the game is not to get recognised.

We've got cunning disguises to help. Whoever gets away with it the longest is the winner.

But if they uncover our true identity and make a positive ID,

it's Game Over.

VO: 'Let's get this contest started by playing Round One.'

'Will Sam and Mark be able to milk it for all it's worth or will they lose their bottle?'

'First up, it's Milkman Mark.'

Here's the rules for Round One.

-Pull up your milk float.

-Yes.

-And Yannis is going to come down the street.

You need to ask Yannis for directions to house number 64.

-Yep, cool.

-Don't forget, mate, if Yannis says you're Mark,

-it's game over at the first hurdle.

-Game on.

Excuse me, mate, I don't suppose you know where number 64 is, do you?

-Er, number 64?

-Yeah.

-No, not really.

-Do you not?

-No.

-On this road...

-You remind me of someone.

-'He is definitely suspicious!'

I've been working this street for about three years so I don't know what...!

Is number 63 on this road?

Yeah, I think it's either... I think it's down there.

-He's so suspicious!

-All right. Cheers, mate. Thanks very much.

-I'll try and risk it.

-SAM LAUGHS

'That was a close call, Mark!'

-MARK LAUGHS

-Yes!

-You are treading on thin ice, my friend!

-Serious.

He said, "You remind me of someone."

I was like, "Where do you go from there? Do you want a bottle of milk?"

'1-0 to Mark. Next up, Sam.'

-Samski.

-Hello.

-"Looking good as a milkman."

-Thanks.

-I want you to do some milkman banter.

-What kind of milkman banter?

Whistle a jolly tune while they walk towards you.

-I'm going to whistle the Wind-Up theme tune.

-Are you crazy?

-That's silly.

-That's how daring I am.

-'Ooh!'

-All right, well, good luck.

-Thank you.

Sam, they are coming. They are coming now.

HE WHISTLES WIND-UP THEME TUNE

Do you know where number 64 is?

-Probably down there.

-Down there?

Nice one. Cheers, mate, cheers.

-I think up there.

-No, it's down there.

All right. Cheers, mate. Nice one.

HE WHISTLES

-Two! Two people! Not one of them recognised me.

-I know.

-You - just the one.

Sophia was running towards you.

I thought she was like, "I want some milk!"

I thought she was going to take me out.

-Look what I got us.

-Nice!

-All right!

'So Sam pulls it back to 1-1.

'Let's move on to Round Two - Fitness Fanatic.

'They really do wear some ridiculous stuff.

'Will they get away with this one? Let's get physical and find out.'

OK, Mark, Round Two. Are you ready and raring to go?

Fit and raring to go, my friend.

OK. I like it. The rules for this, Yannis is going to be walking in the park,

you need to run by him and then you also need to say a word,

which I will give to you in your ear at an appropriate time.

I'm a little bit nervous about the word

-because I'll be speaking like an American guy!

-Nice.

-Let's do this!

-MUSIC: Theme from "Rocky"

Here comes Yannis. Your word is...

MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY .."sausage".

# Let's get physical, physical... #

-Hey, man.

-Hi.

-How you doing?

-How's this weather turning out? Pretty good, huh?

-Yes.

Cool!

A bit like a big breakfast, like sausage and mash or something!

'There, he said it.'

-Now you're talking!

-Ahh, man!

-Whoo-hoo!

I can't believe he didn't get you.

-And I even got "sausages" in there.

-I know.

-I said breakfast, sausage and mash! I don't know whether that'll work!

-Why not?

-Always time for sausage and mash.

-Do you want any now?

-No.

'Eee, I could just eat sausage and mash.'

'Anyway, Mark goes 2-1 up. Next, it's Sam.'

Samski, looking good, mate. Wow, they're... big muscles.

Let me know if that's getting in the way.

-It's not.

-Are you sure? It's pretty big.

-Positive.

Don't give it the big 'un because I'll give you a really hard word!

Oh, OK. Fair enough. MARK LAUGHS

The word that I want you to get into the conversation is...

..aeroplane.

OK.

-Come on! Got to get fit!

-They're just laughing at him!

On an aeroplane tomorrow! Going to Tenerife!

Whoo!

That wasn't a conversation.

He just shouted at them in a really bad Brummie accent.

# Macho, macho... #

I'm getting on a plane! I'm going to Tenerife!

-Come on, we're going to Tenerife.

-Are we?

-Yes! Let's go!

-You know what's next.

-What?

-Dressing up as women.

-I've got a good feeling about this.

-You look good as a woman. I don't.

THEY CHEER & HOWL

HORN BEEPS

'That's 2-2.

'In Yer Face - Round Three - Lost Bride.'

'Will Sam and Mark's damsel-in-distress act

'get them to church on time?'

'First up, it's Mark.'

You are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.

-Aww, get off!

-I particularly like the chest hair and beard.

Don't try and sweet-talk me. I still want to win!

OK, here's the rules.

You're a lost bride. You're late for your wedding.

When you see Yannis,

tell him and you can make up any excuse that you like.

-Anything?

-Anything that you like, mate.

Oh, no. What am I going to do?!

What am I going to do?

Excuse me, do you know any taxi numbers, please?

-I'm late for my wedding.

-Sorry, I don't know.

I'm late for my wedding.

I was supposed to be there at four o'clock

and I'm already 15 minutes late!

-I'm sorry, I can't help you.

-Come on!

-Are you sure?

-I'm sorry.

-Do you think it is a sign that he doesn't love me any more?

-I don't know. I don't know him.

-His name is Sam, but he's -

-Sam?

-'Ooh, hang about!'

-Yes, he's...

-Say it, please!

-Are you sure you don't know any taxi numbers?

-I don't.

-Say it!

-Sorry.

Oh, man!

-Anybody know any taxi numbers?

-Ridiculous.

-Look at your chest, your hairy chest and your beard!

-Yes!

-Well, you're in the final.

-I am in the final.

-You're not yet.

-Ahh, man!

# Boom! B-B-B-B-Boom!

# Boom-boom, b-b-boom-boom B-B-B-B-Boom-boom

# Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh! #

-Here you go. That's for you.

-'After that Oscar-winning performance, Marketta leads 3-2

'so the pressure is now firmly on Samantha.'

Well, well, well. I think you're selling yourself a bit short there, Mr Sam Nixon.

-I think you make a lovely bride.

-I cannot believe you got through! The pressure's on.

-Remember, if you get caught, I'm the winner.

-I know. I know.

Best acting. Come on.

-Excuse me, I don't suppose you've seen a wedding car down there, have you?

-BOTH: No.

I'm meant to be getting married. The car was meant to be here at half-past!

I can't believe this is happening! It's my wedding day!

I'm sorry, love! I'm sorry, love! MARK GROANS

# It's a nice day for a

# White wedding #

Fancy a trip to the final together? Yes!

Oh, eh?!

Wow, you are one ugly woman! You really are!

'So Sam has levelled it up at 3-3.

'Time for the decider - Round Four - Lucky Dip.

'Both lads must choose one item from the mystery box of disguises.

'Mark draws a bandanna and Sam's got a comedy beard.

'Now they're off to the ice rink.

'Whoever remains unidentified for the longest is the winner.'

'Break a leg, chaps.'

'So here we go.

'Sam closes in on Aris and Sophia.

'What's Mark doing here?'

-Hi, Mark!

-'Oh, yes! We have a positive identification from Yannis.'

Mark!

'Now, what is Sam up to?

'He's won the game because Mark got spotted first,

-'so he's just having a bit of fun, really!'

-All right?

-'Yes, they've got him!'

-SAM CHEERS

Another well-deserved victory for the Nixon.

All right, all right, pipe down. Now for something completely different.

Take one lift with random members of the public...

Add one wind-up trumper and a fake toilet.

..and this is what you get. JOLLY MUSIC

TRUMPING Ooh!

When you've got to go...! TRUMPING

TRUMPING

That is one lift you definitely want to swerve.

'Next, the mighty One Direction join the Wind-Up team

'to help us prank two of their biggest fans.'

'So arriving at the BBC in London are our two One Direction mega-fans, Megan and Rae.'

'They're here to audition to be presenters for TV1D,

'a new TV channel dedicated to One Direction that we've totally made up.'

'There's our Wind-Up actor Barry, pretending to be a producer for the fake TV channel.'

'He's going to put the girls through an audition they will never forget.'

Come into the audition room.

THEY GASP

-They look so perfect, Rae!

-I need to...

-Can we just...

-That is not lifesize! They are shorter than that!

Listen, we're setting up a brand-new channel - TV1D.

It's specially for fans of One Direction. Are you a fan of One Direction?

Yeah!

-Who's your favourite?

-Niall.

Yep. Blondie. And yours is?

-Ooh... Er...

-All of them?

-Yeah!

Oh, my goodness!

This new channel will give you 24-hour access to the lads.

You can watch them at any time - day or night.

What the TV bosses want are presenters who are not just big fans,

but I mean big, big, big, big fans. The biggest fans!

-Are you big fans of One Direction?

-BOTH: Yes!

-Right.

'It's time to prove it, girls. It's time for the screen-test.'

Right, this is your audition, OK?

This is to present on TV1D.

Are you ready? Three, two...

-Hello and welcome to TV1D!

-The channel that takes you in one direction.

-Straight to Niall.

-Liam.

-Harry.

-Louis.

-And Zayn.

-One Direction equals...

-One Direction TV...

'It isn't the strongest of starts. Let's try some different voices.'

Can you go lower, like really low? And you go higher.

-SHRIEKS: Hello and welcome to TV1D!

-BOOMS: The channel that takes you in one direction.

Do it with a rap!

-# Hello and welcome to TV1D!

-# The channel that takes you In one direction #

Can you do an American accent?

-Hello and welcome to TV1D!

-'That's a no, then!'

-The channel that takes you in one direction.

-BOTH: One Direction, TV perfection!

-'I think that's supposed to be Australian.'

-Robots!

-He-llo and wel-come to TV-1D!

-Aliens.

-The channel that takes you in one direction.

-Straight to Niall.

-Liam.

-Harry.

-Louis.

-And Zayn.

BOTH: One Direction, TV perfection!

That's amazing. Megan and Rae actually think they're auditioning for TV1D.

What I'm going to do now, I'm going to give them a ring and say they've got the job.

PHONE RINGS

Hang on, this is my boss.

-Hello?

-"Hi, Barry. It's Marcus."

I've been watching the auditions and I think the girls are fantastic.

-They're the best we've seen today. Well, the best so far!

-"That's what I was thinking."

-Can I have a word with them?

-I'll just hand you over.

-OK.

-GIRLS: Hello!

-Hi there. How's it going?

-Good, I hope!

-Really enjoyed it!

-Right. So, you're big One Direction fans?

-BOTH: Yes.

What songs do you like from One Direction?

BOTH # Baby, you light up my world Like nobody else #

I think you've got what it takes. I'm going to give you a shot.

-BOTH: OK.

-Wow.

Barry, could you do me a favour and bring them to TV1D HQ, please?

Marcus, that's absolutely fine. We'll see you, erm, as soon as we possibly can.

Great. It'll definitely be worth it.

All right, Marcus. Thank you. The girls want to say thank you.

-BOTH: Thank you!

-Bye.

-BOTH: Bye!

Ciao. Bye.

Oh, my gosh!

Very, very good. Congratulations. We're going to meet the bosses.

-I'm hyperventilating!

-You're hyperventilating!

'It's time to take the girls to TV1D's top-secret HQ.'

'It's so secret, in fact, they have to wear blindfolds.'

'Actually, it's because we've got a huge surprise in store.

'All is about to be revealed.'

'Remember, Megan and Rae think they're here to meet the channel execs of TV1D.'

'Hold on. They're not the execs. It's only One Direction!'

'Remember, the girls have no idea what's going on.'

One, two,

-three...

-BOYS: Hello!

Oh, my goodness!

You've been wound up by Sam and Mark.

-NIALL: There's no execs. It's just us.

-What?!

-Rae!

-There's no 1DTV, but you can interview us instead.

'Megan and Rae have been well and truly Smarked.'

'There may be no TV1D, but the girls are going to get something much better -

'an interview with the boys.'

What's the most annoying...

..fan-girling thing, like screaming in your face, crying...?

-A girl went to hug Niall and she bagged him in the face!

-Hit me with her bag in the face.

-How did that feel?

-It was nice. Lovely leather.

I tell you what's awkward,

someone asks you a question while you're waiting to take a picture and then you...

-You have to hold the smile.

-If you answer,

-you're going to be like...

-You have to talk through the smile.

You've achieved some amazing things. What's your proudest moment.

One of the proudest moments for us was when we found out that we'd sold out Madison Square Garden.

That was crazy.

-This is not even happening!

-Which country are you most excited about visiting

on your upcoming worldwide tour?

-I think it'll be nice to go back to Australia.

-Yes! Big shout!

We've only been there once.

-Which artist would you most like to collaborate with?

-ALL: Katy Perry.

-OK!

-Who were your musical heroes when you were young?

-Elvis Presley.

-Frank Sinatra.

-Michael Jackson.

-Robbie Williams, Oasis.

Busted!

I liked Busted when I was younger!

My first phone case was a Busted phone case.

If you could pick anyone to be the sixth member of One Direction,

-who would it be?

-Sam or Mark?

-NIALL LAUGHS

Erm... Erm...

Mark. Mark's from round by me so I'd have to choose him.

-Mark.

-I'm going to go with Sam.

'It's been a great day for the girls,

'from auditioning for our fake TV1D channel to actually meeting their heroes.'

'Could the day have been any more perfect?'

Oh, my gosh!

That didn't even just happen!

-Happiest person alive.

-Unbelievably happy. Oh, my gosh!

-Happiest I'll ever be in my life.

'Glad we could be of assistance. And a big thank-you must go to One Direction.'

'Time now for a quick hit.'

SCREAMING THROUGHOUT

Classic pranking there! There is just time for one more of our favourite hidden-camera pranks.

It's over to Bristol for another game of...

-Stop that.

-Sorry.

-..In Yer Face.

-We are about to get right in the face of these two.

-I'm taking James.

-And I'm taking George.

'Can the lads make convincing beekeepers without being stung?

'To bee or not to bee... You get the idea!

'First up, Mark.'

-Morning, Mark!

-Hello.

-You'll never guess what.

-Yes?

-You've only gone and lost your bees, you silly sausage!

-What?

You're going to knock on James's door and tell him you've lost your bees

and ask him to give you a call

if he comes across any bees that look lost,

-and you're going to hand him one of your cards.

-Perfect.

Look at the confidence in him! Striding up to the door!

Excuse me, mate, I'm a local beekeeper in the area

and, unfortunately, I've lost a few of my bees.

I was wondering, if you see any bees around,

would you be able to ring this number? Is that all right?

I've got a card here. It's called None Of Your Bees-ness.

If you ring that number, you'd be able to tell me if you see any bees around, all right?

-Cool.

-Quick, leave! Leave!

-All right. Cheers, mate. Take care.

-Bye.

-Bye.

He had a cheeky grin on his face then!

-Well done.

-Thanks, mate. 1-0! That means there's a lot of pressure on you.

-What accent are you going to do?

-None of your bees-ness!

'I do not bee-lieve it. It's 1-0 to Mark.

'Next up, Sam.'

Oh, look at you!

-Look at you! You think you're the bees' knees.

-Clever.

-Why don't you just buzz off?

-Good one.

-HE STAMMERS

-Have some honey.

-That wasn't so good, that last one.

-Was that not good?

-No.

-No, OK.

Remember, if he says, "You're Sam from Sam and Mark,"

this is the quickest game in the history of quick games.

It's not going to happen. You know, deep down inside, it won't happen.

-Are you trying to trash-talk me?

-I'm trash-talking you big time.

-Well, it's not working.

-Oh, isn't it?

-How about now?

-It's a bit intimidating.

-Is it working now?

-Bit intimidating.

-Am I trash-talking you big time?

-Yeah.

-I'm coming for you.

-All right. Well, don't come for me,

-go to George's house.

-All right.

-All right?

Good luck.

I'm nervous for him.

I'm sorry to bother you, mate.

I am a beekeeper in the area

and I seem to have lost my bees, not all of them, just some of them.

-If you happen to see any bees, would you mind getting in touch with my company?

-OK.

We're actually called None Of Your Bees-ness.

So they usually fly in groups,

-so if you see them, give us a call.

-OK.

-Thank you, mate.

Bye, have a good day, mate. Bye.

Man! He didn't have a clue.

-I'm going to win this!

-You're not.

Who's your favourite character in EastEnders?

-Ian Bee-eale?!

-No, no, no, no!

Is it, is it, is it...

-..Bee-anca?

-THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY

-I haven't got any more.

-I haven't, either.

'With the scores one apiece,

'let's move on to Round Two - Pirates.

'Can these two swashbucklers shiver the boys' timbers without getting recognised?

'Ooh, arr! Who's a pretty boy? Certainly not Mark.'

-Looking good, mate.

-Thanks.

-What's your parrot called?

-My parrot is called Felix.

Felix. Brilliant.

OK, here are the rules. You are a pirate.

When James walks past, you have got to sing a pirate song, that you can make up,

and then after,

you've got to make James say, "Oooh, arr!"

Stop waving your sword. You broke your sword!

He's broke his sword! SAM LAUGHS

-You're the worst pirate ever!

-'Har-har!'

I see him, Mark. Good luck.

Arr! To get past, you have to listen to me pirate song!

Come over here, me hearty!

Listen to me song!

# A pirate, pirate, pirate A pirate in the sea

# A pirate, pirate, pirate I'm happy as can be... #

Not the best song I've ever heard.

You've got to say, "Ooh, arr!" Say "Ooh, arr!"

-Ooh, arr.

-He got him to do it!

Ooh, arr! I liked it, me hearties! Off you go! See ya!

Hey-arr!

-Well done.

-Ha!

Yeah! Ah, yeah!

Yes! Yes!

-Easy. In yer face, Sam Nixon.

-OK, whatever.

-He didn't have a clue.

'So Mark leads 2-1. Next to walk the plank,

'Blackbeard himself, Sam.'

-Well, hello there, Mr Johnny Depp.

-Hi there, Mark. How are you?

-I'm fine and dandy because I'm 2-1 ahead.

-Yeah.

-Not for long.

-Well, we shall see.

Stop stroking your parrot and get your head in the game.

-This parrot's better than Felix.

-No. What's the name of it?

-Ian.

-Ian the parrot?

-Yeah.

-Brilliant.

Here they come. I can see him.

-Ooh, arr!

-Ooh, arr!

I am a pirate, searching for gold, when I find it, you will be told!

-Ooh, arr!

-Ooh, arr!

-Louder!

-ARRR!

-Arr! What about Dad? Ooh, arr!

-Ooh, arr!

-Ooh, arr!

-Gggrrr!

-On your way, matey!

Oh, man, he hasn't got a clue.

-I'm in deep trouble.

-Ooh, arr!

-What has happened to your beard?

-Listen -

-Look at it!

-Listen -

-Look at that!

-Has it come off?

-Yeah, big time!

And he still didn't get me. I am the king of this game.

'So that's 2-2.'

'Will these two plonkers go from hero to zero?

-'First up, it's Mark.'

-MUSIC: Theme from "Gladiators"

-What are you doing?

-I'm flexing.

-Right.

Here's what'll happen. James will come towards you.

You're a superhero, obviously, and you work for a comic-book shop

and you're doing a survey on different superheroes.

You need to ask him three questions

-and if you get past that, job's a good 'un.

-Easy.

Don't forget, if James says,

-"You are Mark from Sam and Mark," it's over.

-He won't.

Here he comes. Good luck. Don't mess it up.

I don't suppose you can help me for a few minutes?

-Yeah, sure.

-Cool.

I work in a local superhero comic-book store and we're just doing a short questionnaire.

Who's your favourite superhero?

If there's such thing as TurtleMan, I'll go with that.

-OK. Making up your own. I like that.

-TurtleMan?

If you could invent a superpower, what would your superpower be?

He's got no idea!

-I'm sensing a theme that you like turtles.

-Yes.

Power to create turtles!

What would your superhero name be? I'm thinking it'll be turtle-related.

TurtleZilla.

TurtleZilla? That's great. That's a great one. OK.

Can't believe he's getting away with it.

All right, thanks. I'll put that in the records.

See you. Cool.

He's just got a mask on. This is ridiculous!

-'Ooh, hang about!'

-'He's coming back! He's coming back!'

SAM LAUGHS This could be it! This could be it!

-..that's a good choice.

-Are you Mark from Sam and Mark?

-I am indeed, mate.

-Yes!

-How you doing? Are you all right?

-Yeah!

Come here, mate.

I've been playing a little game with you all day called In Yer Face.

But your mate George

-has had him doing exactly the same thing.

-How're you doing?

Which means, Sam Nixon,

-you might win In Yer Face.

-It's looking good.

'So the scores remain two apiece.

'Next up is Super Sam.'

-You have to do exactly what I did with George.

-What, get caught?

-SAM LAUGHS

-Yes, very good. Excellent banter.

-You are wearing Spandex.

-I know.

-I think we're both losers on this one.

-That's true.

-We're both losers here.

-Good luck, mate.

-Thanks, mate.

Excuse me! Sorry.

-Hi, mate. How old are you? Do you mind me asking?

-Ten.

-Perfect.

-Do you mind if I ask some questions?

-Yeah.

-Brilliant.

I work in the comic-book shop just over the road

and we're just doing some research on superheroes, basically.

-Are you into superheroes?

-Yes, I'm into comics.

-Brilliant.

-I like comic art, as well.

High-five. Nice one! Perfect, mate.

-Who's your favourite superhero?

-Probably Green Lantern.

-Amazing.

Now, if you could invent your own superhero,

what superpower would you have?

I would probably have mind-reading,

-telepathy thing.

-Mind-reading. That's clever.

And what would your superhero's name be?

Erm, Zylock.

-Zylock!

-Zylock?!

-Amazing. And do you think this area needs a new superhero?

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

-Yes, I think it does.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-He's absolutely brilliant.

-Would you have a sidekick?

-Yes.

-I think duos are the way to go, really, aren't they?

-Batman and Robin.

-Batman and Robin.

-Ant and Dec.

-Yeah, Ant and Dec!

-All right, thank you very much. Nice to see you. Bye, mate.

-Bye.

Unbelievable!

-Oh, man!

-Do you know what my superpower should be?

-Winning this game.

-I am truly mortified.

He's coming back, though. He's coming back.

KLAXON WAILS

Excuse me? It's just...

-Sorry, you look like someone I know.

-Really? Who's that?

Like, erm, Sam from Sam and Mark.

That's interesting.

-George...

-Yeah?

-I am Sam from Sam and Mark!

SAM LAUGHS

Come here, mate! Are you all right?

Got him, got him, got him!

-You remember this morning, when a beekeeper knocked on your door?

-Was that you?

-That was me!

-Was that seriously you?

-That was me.

Also, do you remember this morning when you walked past a pirate?

-No way!

-That was me. And obviously, it was me just then.

And what you don't know

is that Mark has been playing this with your very good friend James.

Here he is right now. How are you doing, mate?

THEY LAUGH That's impossible!

Lads, you have been playing In Yer Face today,

and I am happy to say that because you...

-Oh, no, it's a draw now, isn't it?

-It's a draw!

-No!

-You've not won!

-NO!

-But I'm happy to take the draw. I'm happy to take the draw.

-Nice work.

-Well done.

-High-fives all round for that.

-That was awesome.

-High-fives!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd