Episode 2 Sam & Mark's Total Wind-Ups

# Wind me, put me down, start me up and watch me go

# It's easy once you know how it's done

# You can't stop now, it's already begun. #

'Sam and Mark's Total Wind-ups! Boom! Have it!'

Sit back and feast your eyes on some of our funniest

and most outrageous hidden camera pranks from Big Friday Wind-up.

Let's kick things off in Yorkshire.

It's time for another edition of In Yer Face.

And this week, we are getting right in the face of these two.

-I'm taking Jess.

-And I'm taking Freya.

The aim of the game is not to get recognised.

We've got loads of costumes and disguises to help,

and whoever gets away with it the longest wins.

But if they uncover our true identity

and make a positive ID right in our faces, then it's game over.

'So, let's kick things off wi' Round One.

'Can these two heroes pretend to be firemen wi'out raising the alarm?

'First up, Mark.'

You make a very convincing fireman. I'd let you rescue me

out of a burning building!

-Get off.

-OK, mate, here are the rules.

You are a fireman, you are going round the entire neighbourhood,

giving out leaflets, because you're trying to find a missing cat.

That's the cat, right there. Lovely. Now, when Jessica gets to the door,

you need to tell her about this missing cat,

and the name of the cat, which I will give to you in your ear.

-What?!

-Yep, those are the rules.

-Oh!

-It's risky, Mark.

If she says, "You're Mark from Sam and Mark,"

you are out on the first hurdle.

No chance. Look at my get-up! I look like a fireman.

I feel like a fireman. I feel really butch and manly.

And that never happens.

-Yeah, I'm not sure about butch and manly, but...

-Bit harsh.

-Good luck!

Bet you're nervous!

Excuse me, love, I'm investigating a lost cat,

-have you seen this cat at all?

-No.

-The cat's name is Steve.

The cat's name is Steve.

I'll hand you this leaflet,

so if you do see the cat,

ring that number immediately, OK?

-Have you got any cats of your own?

-No.

OK, well, if you do see Steve lurking around,

give that a call, please. OK? Lovely to see you, take care.

HE LAUGHS

-Steve?!

-Steve!

-1-0. Steve the cat is 1-0 up.

-My turn.

You stitched me up good and proper then. But now it's your turn.

'So, it's 1-0 to Mark. Next up, it's Fireman Sam.'

HE GROWLS

You might be wondering, why does Mark have a cup of tea?

-I'll tell you why.

-You've got a cup of tea?

-Because I'm 1-0 up.

-Have you made me one?

-No, it'll probably get cold

-when you've done this challenge.

-It's difficult for me,

because I don't like cats, I don't care that this cat's missing.

Sam, that cat is probably the cutest thing you've ever seen.

-No.

-Pipe down, do your job.

-It's not as cute as me.

-That's true.

Go on, off you go.

# I can be your hero, baby... #

HE SLURPS

Sorry to bother you, love,

I don't suppose you've seen a missing cat?

-Good lad, Sam.

-He was actually up in that tree over there, you see?

The last time we saw it was about five days ago.

-Colin is the name of the cat.

-The name of the cat is Colin.

-And, erm, I don't suppose you've seen him, have you?

-No.

I'm going to hand you one of these.

If you happen to come across him, please,

call this number as soon as you can. Thank you. Thank you very much.

-His name is Colin, if you see him. Thank you.

-Well done, Sam.

-I've got to say... Colin, mate!

-I heard you!

As soon as I said Colin, you were like... I thought I'd got you then.

'So, it's level pegging at 1-1.

'But it's time for Round Two.

'Can Sam and Mark get a tune out

'without getting caught out? First up, it's Mark.'

Mark, you could not look more out of place

in this lovely, quaint village, look at how you're dressed!

I am going to so do this so easily. I've got the moves.

Listen to my harmonica playing.

HE PLAYS A RIFF

That is quite good, actually! OK, here are the rules.

Jessica is going to be walking down the High Street.

When she passes you, you can either ask her for her name

and then make up a song about her name,

or ask her what her favourite song is, then try to recreate that song.

The choice is yours, my friend.

HE TOOTLES ON THE HARMONICA

-Good luck, mate, here they come. Don't mess it up!

-All right?

-How's it going? What's your name?

-Jessica.

Oh, I've got a good song for you, Jessica.

# Jessica walking down the street

# Meets a man playing a harmonica. #

-You like my song?

-Yeah.

-You like that? All right.

What's your favourite song in the whole world?

I can play it, I'm a one-man band! What's your favourite song?

-I don't know.

-I don't know.

# I don't know, I'm a one-man band and I just don't know. #

-Well, have a lovely day, Jessica. And you, too.

-Thank you!

Take care, bye-bye.

What's this? She's suspicious!

She is definitely suspicious.

Oh, she definitely said "Sam and Mark" then. She definitely said it.

You are getting caught on the next round, brother, that was lucky!

"Jessica, Jessica, you see a man playing a harmonica"?!

The worst song in the world, ever!

Hey, hey, she didn't know, though, mate!

No, I'm telling you, you are getting caught on the next one.

-As she walked off, she definitely mouthed, "Sam and Mark".

-Did she?

-Definitely.

-Seriously? I didn't even see her!

'Supery-super, it's 2-1 to Mark. Can Sam draw level? Take it away, son.'

Listen, mate, you are out on the next round.

-Don't be sitting there feeling confident.

-I am massively confident.

You shouldn't be confident. Shall we stop saying confident?

Let's stop saying confident. Here are the rules, my friend.

-I know the rules!

-Good luck.

HE PLAYS UKULELE AND HARMONICA

Hey!

How you doing, you all right? My name's Trevor. Any requests?

What's your favourite song?

Katy Perry? I know Katy Perry.

# You're hot and you're cold... # Thank you very much!

Thank you very much. Have a lovely day. Goodbye.

# Cos you're hot then you're cold

# You're out when you're go

# You're in when you're out, you're up when you're down

-# It's wrong when it's right... #

-Please, stop!

-# We fight, we break down... #

-Please, stop the madness!

-I reckon I'm going to win this one.

-She didn't have a clue.

Whereas yours, definitely when she was leaving, she definitely

mouthed, "I'm sure that's Mark or Sam from Sam and Mark."

-Stupid, stupid game!

-2-2! And also, I think

that means I should keep the money we've earned this morning.

It's mine, all mine!

'So, that's 2-2. It's time for Round Three.

'Shh! But will this story have a happy ending? First up, it's Mark.'

-Feeling nervous?

-I'm not, actually. I'm feeling really good about this.

Look at me, I look like a proper woman.

But I'm pretty sure Jessica knew that was you in the last round.

No, no. I'm so confident that she didn't know that I've actually put

-Sam as my name badge.

-That's risky business.

Jessica is going to walk into the library.

Get her to fill out a customer questionnaire, but to make it

more difficult, you are going to be asking her all of the questions.

-No problem.

-Give us your voice.

-POSH ACCENT:

-I will be speaking like this.

Wow, your time is up, my friend.

Good luck, mate, here she comes.

Hello there. I wonder if I could ask you a few questions?

We ask all of our customers a survey, would that be OK?

-Mm-hmm, yeah.

-Would it?

If you'd like to have a look at these questions.

We are looking to improve the facilities of the library,

so would you be able to answer this one?

How often do you use the library?

Daily, weekly, once a month, at least once a year, or never?

-Shouldn't be never.

-No.

-Erm...

-I'm not judging.

-At least once a month.

-OK.

-Let's tick that, lovely. How many books do you read per month?

-Three.

Three books a month?!

If you were to give this library a makeover,

-which celebrity would you like to see open it?

-JLS.

JLS, excellent choice, they are very splendid looking men.

HE SPLUTTERS

-Thank you. What's your name?

-Jessica.

Jessica, lovely. Lovely to speak to you, Jessica. Enjoy the library.

I think somebody's going in the final. And it's me!

THEY LAUGH

I am the master of being a woman! That sounded weird.

-It's true, though, you are.

-How good was that?

-Yeah, all right.

"You scraped through the first and the second one..."

-Well, you did!

-But I didn't scrape through that one, did I?

-I suppose not.

-In yer face!

-In YOUR face!

-So, now, definitely...

Stop getting so close to me, you creepy grandmother!

'He is a creepy grandmother. Mark is 3-2 ahead.

'Can Sam level t'scores?'

Why have I got a "Sam" nametag?

I thought I might have a Marketta.

-We thought that you're going to get done anyway...

-Oh, really?

-We didn't want to put too much pressure on you.

-We did, did we?

-Yes, we did.

-Oh, right.

-And also, Sam is a bit of a girl's name.

-Yours is a girl's name!

-Well, Mark isn't, is it?

-Sam's strong.

-We shall find out.

-We will.

Oh, hello there!

-How are you?

-Very well, thank you.

-If you don't mind, we are

just asking everybody who enters the library to fill out a little survey.

-How often do you use the library?

-Once a month?

-Yeah.

-Once a month?

I'll tick that one for you. How many books do you read per month?

None, one, two, three, four or more?

What's she laughing at?

She's got the giggles! She's got the giggles!

OK, well, we'll leave that one blank, thank you.

Well done, Sam.

Ooh! Hang about, Sam, she's coming back!

You're not out of the woods yet.

Excuse me, are you Sam from Sam and Mark?

You got me, Freya. Finally!

'So, Mark's the winner.

'But can he really rub it in Sam's face by winning Round Four?'

Here's what's going to happen. Over the road, there is a cafe.

-Yeah.

-Jessica and her mum will be in there.

You'll dunk your biscuit into either Jessica's or her mum's tea.

So I'm going to dunk my biscuit into their tea?

For as long as you can, without them recognising you.

And you can only have one disguise,

which you will now choose out of the lucky dip.

-OK.

-Have you got something? An eyepatch!

THEY LAUGH

Wow, you are going to look like a right strange man!

'What does he look like?!'

With his one biscuit!

'Oh, hold on, he's going in for the dunk.

'This is truly extraordinary stuff.'

Hello, Mark.

-You know the fireman this morning?

-Yes.

-That was me.

What about the one-man band? Did you like the song I made up for you?

-That was funny.

-What you don't know is that Sam

has been playing with your friend, Freya.

She's here! How are you doing, all right?

And because Freya got Sam and Jessica, you didn't get me,

I am the champion of In Yer Face. Get in there!

I wouldn't exactly call you a champion, Mark,

I mean, that is the only one you've won.

Listen, I won one, all right? Now for something completely different.

-Take one clumsy wind-up actor...

-And one fake TV box...

And this is what you get.

Next up in our favourite hidden camera pranks of all time,

Dame Jacqueline Wilson joins the Wind-up team to help us

prank one of her biggest fans.

There's wind-up actor Barry, who is pretending to work for her.

All right, listen, there is a family coming now.

There is Chantelle, our massive Jacqueline Wilson fan,

with her mum and dad, who are both in on the wind-up.

Excuse me? Listen, I'm a publicist for an author,

Dame Jacqueline Wilson, we are doing a host today for Tracy Beaker.

-Have you heard of Jacqueline Wilson?

-I've got all her books.

-You've got what, sorry?

-All her books.

-That's great.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Tracey Beaker is very big in the United Kingdom,

but she is not very big in the United States of America.

So, Dame Jacqueline is trying to push it today, we are launching it.

-It's my job to bring the actress...

-Dani Harmer.

-Yes.

Here, you do my job!

You know more than I do.

I'm supposed to arrange for Dani Harmer to do a photo shoot today.

She's just got off the plane, we are going to miss

all the American deadlines. It's pointless, her coming now.

Would you mind standing in for Dani Harmer,

just to do a little photo shoot and answer a couple of questions?

I tell you what, I'll give you a VIP tour.

Don't get carried away, because you've got to do some work!

-Is that all right?

-That's fine.

Listen, thank you, I could give you a really big kiss!

I'm not going to give you a big kiss. Chantelle, thank you.

Thank you.

Chantelle has agreed to help out,

so Barry puts her in a special visitor jacket,

which contains a hidden microphone so we can hear everything she says.

Who needs Dani Harmer when we've got Chantelle? Welcome to the BBC.

So, Chantelle thinks she is stepping into Dani Harmer's shoes for the day.

And after a quick tour round the BBC,

it's time for her to hit the photo studio.

Fake photo studio, that is.

Now, let me explain what we're doing.

We're launching Tracy Beaker in the United States.

Dani Harmer can't be with us today,

so thank you once again, seriously, for standing in.

Honestly, we couldn't do it without you.

I'll take some photographs of you, because in America

they don't know what Tracy Beaker looks like.

So let's just send them pictures of Chantelle instead.

I need you to relax, just shake your arms. That's it. Just relax.

Right, put your hands up in the air like you have

arrived off the plane in America.

Hello, America!

MUSIC: "The Star-Spangled Banner"

Excellent.

Put this arm straight up.

Now, that is a good one.

Actually, you look like a young Tracy Beaker suddenly.

So, let's make Chantelle look even more like Tracy Beaker

with a Tracy Beaker outfit.

And a Tracy Beaker wig.

I'm Tracy Beaker!

Chuck in some stars and stripes and some pom-poms

and you've got Tracy Beaker American-style!

I'm Tracy Beaker in America!

Now let's crank things up a notch. Over to you, Sam.

I am about to call Barry, posing as an American journalist,

hoping to interview Dani Harmer.

MOBILE RINGS

It's ringing.

Hello.

Oh, hi, it's Jeff, calling from America to interview Dani.

-I'm just going to put you on hold for a second.

-Yeah, sure, yeah.

This is a big journalist in America.

Barry has to convince Chantelle to pretend to be Dani.

Let's hope my American accent holds up!

If there's anything you don't know, just make up the answer or ask me.

-I'll put him on speakerphone.

-OK.

-Hello.

-Hi, Dani, how are you doing?

-I'm fine, thank you. You?

Oh, very good, thank you.

Listen, we are so excited about Tracy Beaker coming over to the States.

So listen, I've just got a few questions that

-I'd like to ask you. Is that OK?

-Yeah, course.

Question one, what age were you when you started acting

and how did you get into it?

Well, I was ten years old and I think this was my first show.

OK, question two,

how has playing the role of Tracy Beaker changed your life?

It's changed my life for good. It's...

SHE GIGGLES

With money wise... it's made me rich.

Well, Dani, I gotta say, once you come over to the States,

you're about to get a lot richer.

-Ha-ha, thank you.

-OK, question three.

Why do you think that the Americans will love Tracy Beaker

-as much as the Brits do?

-Well, she's got a lot of attitude.

-And she makes people happy.

-Dani, thank you so much.

Listen, we look forward to seeing you when you come to the States.

-Thank you, bye.

-Bye.

-It was easy, wasn't it?

-Hard.

-Why was it hard?

He sounded a bit French.

French?! That was my best American accent!

-I want to tell you something.

-OK.

My little gift to you for helping me today is that, Chantelle,

you're going to meet your idol, Dame Jacqueline Wilson.

Oh, my gosh, Chan!

As a thank-you from me to you.

She's in the garden, she's been doing interviews all day

because she's launching her book, Emerald Star. Are you excited?

-Are you going to be able to speak when you get there?

-Yes!

-You're not going to let me down?

-No.

-Good afternoon, young lady.

-Good afternoon, Dame.

Chantelle's about to meet her idol.

And because Jacqueline Wilson is a Dame,

Barry's pretending she has got to curtsy when she meets her.

-And remember, Jacqueline's also in on the wind-up.

-Hello.

Remember what we said, nice and loudly, and curtsy.

-Good morning, Dame.

-Afternoon.

-A-A... Good afternoon, Dame.

Nice and low. A lot lower. Good afternoon, Dame Jacqueline Wilson.

How very sweet of you, darling! Come and sit down.

So, she's curtsied and now it's time for the interview.

And you guessed it, we've made up all the questions.

I heard you used to want to be a lollipop lady when you were younger.

When did you change your mind and want to become a writer?

Is it true that once you've started writing a book,

you refuse to cut your fingernails until it is finished?

Is it true that you won't have the colour pink in your house

because you're scared of it? No, sorry!

I'm just reading these off the cards.

-These are strange questions!

-Yes.

Now it's Jacqueline's turn to crank things up a notch

by pretending she's become an illustrator.

For my next book, I'm going to have to do the drawings myself.

I've actually, when I've been sat out here, I've done some.

-Do you want to see?

-Yes, please.

-OK.

-That would be amazing.

I've tried my hardest. See that one?

Oooooh(!)

I thought this might be a new Tracy Beaker story, see,

I've got all her curls right.

Of course, Jacqueline isn't being serious

but Chantelle doesn't know that.

-And even better, she seems to be buying it.

-What do you think?

-They're good!

-Do you really think so?

-Yeah.

-That's very kind.

Brilliant. Chantelle did really well there to keep a straight face.

Of course, Jacqueline is sticking to writing

and all her manuscripts are kept on her laptop.

I have to be very, very careful

because I write them all on my laptop.

And I never take any copies cos I had a bit of trouble

with somebody showing a copy around, so I keep just the one copy

on the laptop, so I have to guard it very carefully.

-BARRY:

-I'm sorry to interrupt, you've an appointment with a journalist,

just to sign the book.

-JACQUELINE:

-If I nip out...

-Erm, I'll just leave the laptop there.

-What?!

Leave the laptop there?

You mean the laptop that Chantelle thinks contains the only copy

of your brand-new book?

-Is that really a good idea?

-What did you think of Dame Jacqueline Wilson?

-Wow.

-Right, we're going to tidy up.

Just hold that for me. What do you think of her drawings? Be honest.

They... They were...OK.

Yeah. That's one way of putting it!

-Can you take these?

-I'd be careful with that, Barry.

LAPTOP BUZZES Oh, no!

You've just spilt tea all over Jacqueline Wilson's laptop!

And that buzzing doesn't sound good, Barry!

SHE SHRIEKS

-It's just blown up.

-You think?

You've just destroyed Jacqueline Wilson's only copy of her new book!

-All the stories are on that.

-What are we going to say?

-I don't know.

-Sit down and just pretend everything is normal.

But things are far from normal. And here comes Jacqueline now.

What's going on?

-BARRY:

-It's just that... We've just had a slight accident.

And we just dropped...

-JACQUELINE:

-Not... Not with the laptop?

-BARRY:

-Erm... er...

What happened, Chantelle?

We spilt the drink on the computer by accident.

Oh, my goodness, but that's...

That's my only copy... of my new book.

-Oh, my goodness, what am I going to do?

-I don't know.

Right, I think this has gone far enough. It's time to reveal all.

You have been smarked for Sam and Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

I don't know what to do!

Ah! You know you said that you like my Hetty Feather books

and you wanted Emerald Star?

Well, I have brought with me the very first real copy.

It wasn't in the computer at all.

And you will be the very, very first girl to read it. So there we go.

My gosh!

Well, thanks to Dame Jacqueline Wilson, Chantelle has been

-well and truly smarked.

-Time now for a quick hit.

Take our Chimpy and one fake photo booth, and this is what you get.

THEY SCREAM

Oh!

SHE SHRIEKS

THEY ALL SCREAM

THEY SQUEAL

Good work, Chimpy.

There's just time for one more of our favourite hidden camera pranks

involving two massive fans of Conor Maynard.

Over to Conor to tell us more.

What's up, Sam and Mark? Conor Maynard here.

I'm about to surprise Daisy and Jasmine for your show,

Sam and Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

If I met Conor Maynard, I'd probably cry.

Yeah, she'd pass out.

They have no idea I'm about to surprise them

but I've been told they're massive, massive fans.

# This is for the girl that will get down low

# Hands up, let down like a Vegas girl. #

So, let's put it to the test. Go, go, go!

I've got his album

and I pretty much know all the lyrics back to front.

If I met Conor Maynard, I'd probably pass out

and then ask him if he liked my sister's singing.

Yeah, he's a bit of a hottie.

Ssh.

(This way?)

He does pop music,

but it's a bit different to your stereotypical sort of music.

Excuse me, is this Studio 8?

I think I'm looking for Studio B.

Think I'm in the wrong place.

Oh, my...

You're going to start crying.

Only joking, I've come for you guys. Hello. How are you?

I'll give you a hug. Very nice to meet you. How are you? Are you good?

Thank you.

-Do you not really know what to do now?

-No.

-Neither do I.

I'm as nervous as you. But these are for you.

-Thank you.

-It's all good.

You realise you've just been completely wound up?

You've been smarked, as people call it,

by Sam and Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up.

I heard that you guys were really big fans and I wanted to come

and say thank you very much for being fans.

Apparently one of you was singing my songs earlier.

-Was it you? Which song where you singing?

-Vegas Girl.

-Vegas Girl!

-Amazing.

-It's all she ever talks about!

-Really? How often?

How often a day would you say she talks about me?

Um, 90% of the day.

90%? So the only time she doesn't is when she's sleeping.

Pretty much?

She'll sleep talk and go, "Conor Maynard..."

THEY LAUGH

-I didn't know I did that, but, you know...

-Is it a cool surprise?

-Yeah.

I've got another part of the surprise for you as well.

I'm actually going to perform for you guys, just for you.

A little special performance of Turn Around.

-As long as you guys love that song. Yeah?

-Yeah.

This is the acoustic version of Turn Around featuring Ne-Yo.

Just for you, Jasmine and Daisy. Hope you enjoy it. Here we go.

# Oooohhhh

# Turn around, open your eyes

# Look at me now

# Yeah

# Turn around

# Girl I've got you, we won't fall down

# Yeah

# We can see forever from up here

# Oh yeah

# So long as we're together have no fear, no fear

# So turn around we're so high above the ground

# Floating so high, turn around

# Together nothing can stop us now

# Listen, baby, turn around

# Floating so high above the ground

# Floating so high, turn around

# Together nothing can stop us now

# Turn around

# Oh baby we're so high now

# Ohhhh

# Worries and our pain, goodbye now

# Oh, ay, ay

# Our home is the sky now

# Oh, yeah

# Say we're never coming down

# Down, down

# Whoa, whoaaaaa

# So high above the ground

# Oh-whoa-whoaaaaa

# Yeah

# Together now, nowwwww

# Nothing can stop us now. #

APPLAUSE

And after that special performance, there's just time

for the girls to get one last hug.

Some exclusive signed goodies.

And a few pictures with their idol.

Cool!

It was amazing and he's even better live than on the CD.

And he's even more good-looking!

He's awesome.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd