Mischief The Dumping Ground

Please, Bailey, can I have a go?

You've had it the whole time!

BAILEY LAUGHS It's not funny. Stop it!

Get off!

I'm going home!

He gets the ball from Messi, powers it down the line, nutmegs Cahill,

only the keeper to beat...

-DOG BARKS

-Yes!

Oi, hairy, that's mine!

Here, Mischief. Here.

Down. Down.

MISCHIEF WHIMPERS You don't like sharing, do you?

Could've given your girlfriend a go.

You're not at Wembley yet.

What's it got to do with you?

Nothing.

I just know what I see,

and that's a boy who's going to end up with no mates.

Well, at least I'm not a loser like you.

What?

Give me back my ball.

Who are you calling a loser?

Give me back my...

No.

THE OLD MAN GROANS

MISCHIEF BARKS

Come here, you.

All right, see yous.

Can I help you practice?

No. He'll just be a big fat show-off like he was yesterday.

If you're going into town you can stop off in the pound shop for us.

Yeah, I'm not going that way.

Money, shopping list. And I'll be counting the change.

Ta-dah!

-Not for breakfast! No way!

-Aw.

Not vegetables again!

I swear I'm turning into a carrot.

Look at my skin!

That's felt pen, you turnip.

I love vegetables.

Good, cos those are for lunch and those are for tea.

KIDS GROAN AND COMPLAIN

It's your vegetable patch, kids. Waste not, want not.

What are you doing?

Sharing our surplus.

We can put them outside for the neighbours to take.

DOG BARKS

RIP.

What does that mean?

Rest in peace.

The fella who used to sit here, he died.

Collapsed right here. Called the ambulance, got him to the hospital,

but he didn't last the night.

Are you all right, mate? Did you know him?

No.

Shame.

I'm looking for someone to take him before the dog warden tips up.

Hey.

They'll keep him for a week and then...

Are you in the market for a pet, son?

Me? No.

Every boy needs a dog.

Best friend you could have.

I don't need a best friend.

MISCHIEF WHIMPERS

How much do you think we can charge? 50p or a pound?

A pound.

A pound? What are you doing?

It's our farm shop.

Why give away stuff when you can get good cash?

Come get your veggies! Fresh picked this morning.

Look, you've to big them up. Not just veggies.

-I am!

-No.

More like this.

Organic, farm-fresh, bursting with flavour!

Come and get your veggies!

You two can be our assistants. 50p an hour.

What's that?

It's a horse. What do you think it is?

Whose is it?

It's no-one's. Just looking after him for the minute.

-What's his name?

-Mischief.

THEY ALL SHOUT

Mischief, come here!

Whoa!

Grab him!

-MISCHIEF GROWLS

-What? Are you scared of a dog?

MISCHIEF BARKS Oi, they're mine!

What is that animal doing here?

Ask Bailey.

Loo rolls, bin-bags, scourers.

I do not remember putting dog on that shopping list.

MISCHIEF BARKS

So I'm just going to put you in my room, all right?

Go on.

Stay!

Stay.

Do you know what? I had no idea Bailey even liked dogs.

Well, it doesn't matter because we're not keeping him, OK?

Why not?

I told this bloke I'd try and find him a home.

Which bloke? Where?

His owner died. He was going to go to some dog's home.

Do you know what? you're going to have to tell that bloke

that it's not your problem.

You were going to let Frank keep Shadow.

'Yeah. At least this one's got the right number of legs.'

'We'll look at the options.'

What options are those?

Johnny?

Aw, this is disgusting!

He's got to eat while he's here.

You can call it his last supper.

MIKE CHUCKLES

SCREAMING

Get him out!

He hasn't touched my stuff.

Really, I wonder why?

Bailey, I told you to lock him in your room.

I did!

Trust Bailey to get a psycho dog.

No, Bailey, I'm sorry but he is going to have to go to the dog's home.

Today.

Did you hear me?

That thing's a menace.

Hey, quiet down. Go get a hoover.

Come on, guys. Let's get in there and clean it up.

Thank you.

Can we have our wages now?

Four hours at 75p an hour has got to be...

..five pounds each.

No. Four hours? Do I look stupid?

You can't add up!

It's about...

two pounds.

Isn't it more like one?

Harry!

Wait. We can't just shut up shop now.

We've got a customer base.

Well, we've cleared out our veggie patch.

There is nothing left to sell.

Then we buy more. From supermarket, like real shopkeepers do.

We invest this lot into bigger and better.

All right. More cash, more stock.

-Are you two in?

-We want 50% of the profits.

20%. Yes, please.

Will you let me do the business deals next time?

-HE LAUGHS

-Unlucky, carrot-stealer.

I'm sorry, dog. You blew it.

Hey. Come on, then.

Last chance.

If I'm going to be your new owner, you've got to respect the rules.

I can't help you if you won't help yourself.

Come on, boy. In.

Let me get you some water.

The supermarket opened two hours ago!

Go away, Floss.

Mischief. Come on, boy!

Come on.

MISCHIEF BARKS

Time for walkies. Let's go.

Wrappers off, labels on.

We're going to make a fortune!

It doesn't even look like our stuff.

It's too clean.

Wait a minute...

Sorted.

And now, for the piece de resistance.

Eggs!

I picked these up for two quid. Bargain or what?

We are so good at this.

That's £1.50, please.

Floss, that's enough.

-All right, love.

-Hi.

BELL TINKLES

Free vegetables, madam?

-Here you go, thirsty workers.

-Thank you.

Pass them along. Pass them along.

No! Give. Give. Give.

No, Mischief.

You need to think about your behaviour.

-Good walk?

-He's not in the house.

Is that blood?

-No, that's ketchup.

-Bailey.

If he was a kid, you wouldn't chuck him out.

It's not a kid, it's a dog.

But I can take care of him.

But why? You didn't know the man that died.

It's not your job to take him in.

-He's got no-one else!

-A pet, Bailey?

Seriously? They didn't even look after the snake.

But he just laid about.

-A dog's load's better.

-Load's more trouble.

BAILEY SIGHS IMPATIENTLY

But he can play games and he can fetch things.

Steal food, trash your room.

I'll train him. Give me a week.

Three days.

I swear I can make him be good.

HE SIGHS

# Dizzy!

# I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning

# Like a whirlpool, it never ends

# And it's you, girl, making it spin

# You're making me dizzy! #

'And today, we're going to be showing you how easy it is

'to be teaching your puppy a sit.

'So it's quite simple.

'One of the first things you teach your new puppy.

'So make sure that you have lots of food. Good boy.

'And all I'm going to do is...'

Ah-whooooo!

"Reward-based training."

Oi, you have to work for them, greedy.

Sit.

-MISCHIEF GROWLS

-Sit.

Come on, Mischief. Sit!

MISCHIEF WHIMPERS

Stand. Stand!

-HE WHIMPERS

-What are you doing?

Oh, come on. Stand! Stand! Stand!

-You lot are putting him off.

-He's useless.

He's just got to get used to me.

I bet we can help.

"The sit command is one of the simpler and yet most useful commands

-"you can teach your dog."

-OK.

"It gives you a wonderful easy way to control you dog.

So this is how we're going to do it.

I'm going to teach you how to be the best dog ever.

Just trust me.

I'm blaming you when this goes wrong.

But have you ever seen Bailey interested in anything

except football?

We're not having a dog. I can give you ten good reasons.

There's two of them over there.

Owning a pet can really help care kids.

They won't put the work in. They never do.

Yeah, you're right.

Ooh. Thank you very much.

"You are invited to a dog show. Garden. Three o'clock tomorrow."

Thank you very much.

Get up. Come on.

Come on.

Hurry up, we're starting! Little ones at the front.

-I get to sit at the front cos I'm the oldest.

-Come on then.

Hurry up.

-Come on, hurry up. We haven't got all day.

-Come on, then!

What are you playing at? Hurry up..

Wait. I need to put his collar on.

CHANT: Hurry up! Hurry up!

All right, Mischief of Ashdene Ridge.

This collar cost me a tenner, so don't mess it up, all right?

-MISCHIEF WHIMPERS

-Come on.

Just like we practised, yeah?

-Come on.

-Settle down.

-You've had three days.

MISCHIEF BARKS, KIDS CHEER

Hurry up, we're missing the dog show!

-Who's that?

-I don't know.

What did she want?

She said we we're doing fraud.

Cos the eggs aren't free-range.

They've got the wrong stamps on their shells.

Uh, what stamps?

Didn't anyone check?

I did offer her a full refund and a free broccoli.

She said we were criminals and we could go to prison.

Come on, boy.

CHEERING

You got the stupid eggs.

Just get free-range next time. Sorted.

Yes, but we said they're hand-picked.

From the speckliest hens.

So we've got to have our own chickens.

Like the man who mends Mike's car. He's got loads.

ALL CHANT: Mischief! Mischief! Mischief! Mischief!

Sit.

Oh, look. Hello, handsome. How are you doing?

Aww!

We haven't promised anything yet.

Oh, please!

Look at him!

Oh, you are such a good boy! Oh!

Oh, no!

Pros - the kids are all for it.

Picking up poo?

-Walking him in the pouring rain?

-We'll have to make a rota.

They'll keep it for a week and then it'll be onto the next thing.

Look, it enfranchises them, it teaches them responsibility,

it gives them a sense of worth.

What happened to the snake?

Stay.

Good dog.

Go!

COCKEREL CROWS

COCKEREL CROWS

Aargh!

-Shh!

-Shh!

-Where's Mischief?

-Don't know.

The doors were open when we came back.

-CHICKEN CROWS

-Shh!

We thought he was with you.

-Mischief!

-Shh!

-Shh!

Shut it up, Tyler!

Mischief.

Mischief.

Mischief.

Oh, where are you, boy?

Sorry, mate. Guess he got a better offer.

LOUD MUSIC IN BACKGROUND

Just turn the chicken down!

Everyone can hear it! Turn the chicken down?

It's not music, Tyler!

Turn it down!

You're going to wake the neighbours.

Lovely day. Just starting my fitness routine.

Bit like being back at Glastonbury.

CHICKEN CROWS

Was that...was that a chicken?

Oh, no. It's just my phone, you see.

Got it set to farmyard animals.

What? You know? Goes like "moo!" and "baa!"

-and a "neigh!"

-CHICKEN CROWS

Oh! Oh! That must be it now.

That's good! It's very piercing.

Yeah, yeah. I better answer it. Bye!

It's a website for lost dogs.

There's hundreds.

Mm. And loads of them get reunited with their owners.

I've put Mischief up.

-"Boy. Black and white. Very friendly."

-Mm-hm.

There's a match!

-What?

-Yeah, look.

Someone's posted in Found.

Already?

No way.

Hmm?

Yeah, that's him.

"Last seen running loose in Bridgewater Road."

Go!

Mischief!

Mischief!

-Mischief!

-MISCHIEF BARKS

Good boy!

No!

BRAKES SCREECH, HORN BLARES

MISCHIEF WHIMPERS

Bailey? Bailey.

I'm so sorry.

He's in shock and he might have internal bleeding.

Right.

It's going to cost a bit.

The doctor can't tell until the X-ray.

He says you're going to have to vouch for me.

Wait - you're not expecting us to pay?

Who else is going to?

We can't.

We haven't set up any insurance.

I'll pay you back.

I know you're fond of him and you've done your best,

but he's not your responsibility.

He is. You just don't understand.

You're going to have to be brave now.

-Go and say goodbye.

-No, I can't.

His owner died because of me.

I pushed him over.

What?

I killed him, Mike.

How's Mischief?

Not now.

Bailey, we found this so you can remember him.

Thanks.

Mischief didn't escape.

Someone took this off.

What you on about?

His collar.

Who let him out the shed?

Must have been itching on a pair of scissors or something.

I never said it was cut.

Hey, what's up?

It was you.

What?

Because you were scared of him.

No! No. No. No.

No!

Mike, the police just called back.

Right. Out.

Out, out, out.

You got rid of Bailey's dog?

That was harsh.

CHICKEN CLUCKS

Close your chicken eyes.

Go to sleep.

Close your chicken eyes.

You do know there's a chicken in here?

We need it for eggs.

Then it must be a miracle bird.

Huh?

He's a rooster. Boy chickens don't lay eggs.

-KIDS SIGH

-You picked him out.

You said he was biggest!

OK. I'll take back the chicken,

you shift all the stock we've got left.

What's that?

You've left the apple label on!

You idiot! Do you want us to go to prison?

You two are both rubbish.

Me and Harry are out.

Floss!

So...what do we do with all the veggies?

-Dump them.

-I don't think so.

Me and Frank could've lived a month off that stuff.

So what then?

Tell me, chicken.

Soup?

This is tonnes. We're never going to eat it all!

Be careful with that knife, OK?

You two, get chopping.

PHONE RINGS

Mike?

Yeah, sorry, this is Ashdene Ridge.

Trading Standards? I think you've got the wrong number.

Yeah, that's the right address.

But this is a children's care home, it's not a farm shop.

Guess what I found under the hedge in the front garden.

"Ashdene Ridge Farm Shop.

"Carrots - a pound. Cauliflower - two pounds.

"Eggs - £2.50"!

-Are they going to arrest me?

-It's just an interview.

You're going to stay calm, tell them exactly what happened. Yeah?

Good.

-GRUDGINGLY:

-Get your refunds here. Full money back.

We're going to lose all our profits now.

But you'll lose more than that if Trading Standards fine you.

Aww, it's cute!

-It's you.

-Aw, Floss. Thanks.

10p, please.

Huh.

-There we go.

-Thank you.

Hey, big man. Who we playing?

Mature. I get it.

Mature isn't hurting an innocent creature.

If you were just scared, why didn't you say?

Read my lips.

I wasn't scared.

Listen to this -

"Locals were saddened this week

"at the death of homeless Malcolm Malone."

Let me see.

-That's Mischief.

-Mm-hm.

Who's that?

Malcolm. When he was in the army.

He never settled back into normal life.

Maybe Mischief was an army dog or something.

Now we've given up on him, letting him die?

So are they going to keep me here?

That depends.

They need to speak to the hospital.

Yeah, but I told them what I did.

Why can't they just charge me?

Floss.

I need this for soup.

It's Johnny's body.

Right, listen up, guys.

I'm collecting for Mischief's vet bill.

50p, please.

Are you not supposed to give me money?

Well, if you pay me, I'll give you it back.

All right.

Thank you. There you go.

Thank you.

-30 quid.

-OK.

I've got a couple of shopping vouchers,

but sorry, that's all I've got.

This is peanuts.

If you want to make decent money, you need a good plan.

Like you care.

Yeah, it was your fault he got run over in the first place.

Fine, I was only trying to help. Keep the money for myself.

Wait, wait. What money?

If you can't see it, I'm not going to say.

Get your fresh veggie soup, here for one day only.

Thank you.

Tickle your taste buds, sir?

Two quid a cup. You're not going to get any better than that.

Here. You get yours free.

Thank you.

Don't give it all away, Kaz.

Remember, we are collecting for Mischief.

Thank you.

Hey, here you go, mate. On the house, yeah?

So...did you know him?

Oh, yeah.

You're lucky Trading Standards are taking no further action.

They realised you're a bunch a of time-wasting, idiot kids,

and they're going to sending you a booklet on consumer law.

-Yay.

-I can't wait.

Mike.

You and Tyler, only 75p.

What? You're making money out of OUR veggies

when we've got to give the money back?

-Mine's broke!

-That's not fair?

It wasn't Bailey's fault at all.

He'd been ill for ages.

In fact, the police said Bailey had nothing at all to do with him dying.

Yeah, but I did push him over.

And I called him a loser.

You tried to make up for it by looking after his dog.

But I didn't, did I?

Hey, guys.

150 smackeroos.

-We all put in.

-Yeah. We all put in money.

Thanks to Kaz's super chef skills.

That's lovely, guys. Thank you so much.

Is there anyone who hasn't made money from our veggies?

-THEY LAUGH

-Thanks.

But it's not enough.

Wait up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where did that come from?

It's legit, Mike. Don't worry.

Donations from all the good folk who passed Mal by every day.

We weren't sure what to do with it until your mate here

told us about Mischief.

That's a start, right?

More than a start. Come on.

Let's go.

That's brilliant, guys. Thank you so much.

-Good luck. ALL:

-Bye!

We could start our own business - Floss and Harry and Co.

Who's Co?

You two. You now work for us.

-THEY ALL LAUGH

-Tyler!

Hi, chaps.

Hey!

-Aww!

-Hello, hello.

I missed you!

-So is he home for good now or...?

-Um...

The vet says he has some internal bruising,

but that should heal with time.

-ALL:

-Aww!

-Hello! Mischief.

-Present.

Aww. Thanks, guys.

We got a bowl and some toothpaste.

-Chicken flavour.

-Eugh, thanks.

Besides, you're far less annoying when Mischief's around.

THEY ALL LAUGH Ain't that the truth.

He's a good dog, innit?

So cute!

I never said on the bed.

But he looks so comfy!

Sweet dreams, Mischief.

Come on girls...

Night-night, Mischief.

Night-night, Mischief.

So you're not going to say good night to him?

No. He's a dog.

Just keep him out my face and I'll be fine.

We don't care what he says, do we?

Kiss.