Mischief The Dumping Ground


Mischief

Drama series. In battling to adopt a homeless dog, loner Bailey finally finds a friend.


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Transcript


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Please, Bailey, can I have a go?

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You've had it the whole time!

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BAILEY LAUGHS It's not funny. Stop it!

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Get off!

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I'm going home!

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He gets the ball from Messi, powers it down the line, nutmegs Cahill,

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only the keeper to beat...

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-DOG BARKS

-Yes!

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Oi, hairy, that's mine!

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Here, Mischief. Here.

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Down. Down.

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MISCHIEF WHIMPERS You don't like sharing, do you?

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Could've given your girlfriend a go.

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You're not at Wembley yet.

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What's it got to do with you?

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Nothing.

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I just know what I see,

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and that's a boy who's going to end up with no mates.

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Well, at least I'm not a loser like you.

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What?

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Give me back my ball.

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Who are you calling a loser?

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Give me back my...

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No.

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THE OLD MAN GROANS

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MISCHIEF BARKS

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Come here, you.

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All right, see yous.

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Can I help you practice?

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No. He'll just be a big fat show-off like he was yesterday.

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If you're going into town you can stop off in the pound shop for us.

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Yeah, I'm not going that way.

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Money, shopping list. And I'll be counting the change.

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Ta-dah!

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-Not for breakfast! No way!

-Aw.

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Not vegetables again!

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I swear I'm turning into a carrot.

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Look at my skin!

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That's felt pen, you turnip.

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I love vegetables.

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Good, cos those are for lunch and those are for tea.

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KIDS GROAN AND COMPLAIN

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It's your vegetable patch, kids. Waste not, want not.

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What are you doing?

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Sharing our surplus.

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We can put them outside for the neighbours to take.

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DOG BARKS

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RIP.

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What does that mean?

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Rest in peace.

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The fella who used to sit here, he died.

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Collapsed right here. Called the ambulance, got him to the hospital,

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but he didn't last the night.

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Are you all right, mate? Did you know him?

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No.

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Shame.

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I'm looking for someone to take him before the dog warden tips up.

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Hey.

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They'll keep him for a week and then...

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Are you in the market for a pet, son?

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Me? No.

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Every boy needs a dog.

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Best friend you could have.

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I don't need a best friend.

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MISCHIEF WHIMPERS

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How much do you think we can charge? 50p or a pound?

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A pound.

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A pound? What are you doing?

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It's our farm shop.

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Why give away stuff when you can get good cash?

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Come get your veggies! Fresh picked this morning.

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Look, you've to big them up. Not just veggies.

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-I am!

-No.

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More like this.

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Organic, farm-fresh, bursting with flavour!

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Come and get your veggies!

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You two can be our assistants. 50p an hour.

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What's that?

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It's a horse. What do you think it is?

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Whose is it?

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It's no-one's. Just looking after him for the minute.

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-What's his name?

-Mischief.

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THEY ALL SHOUT

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Mischief, come here!

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Whoa!

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Grab him!

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-MISCHIEF GROWLS

-What? Are you scared of a dog?

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MISCHIEF BARKS Oi, they're mine!

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What is that animal doing here?

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Ask Bailey.

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Loo rolls, bin-bags, scourers.

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I do not remember putting dog on that shopping list.

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MISCHIEF BARKS

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So I'm just going to put you in my room, all right?

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Go on.

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Stay!

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Stay.

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Do you know what? I had no idea Bailey even liked dogs.

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Well, it doesn't matter because we're not keeping him, OK?

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Why not?

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I told this bloke I'd try and find him a home.

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Which bloke? Where?

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His owner died. He was going to go to some dog's home.

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Do you know what? you're going to have to tell that bloke

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that it's not your problem.

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You were going to let Frank keep Shadow.

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'Yeah. At least this one's got the right number of legs.'

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'We'll look at the options.'

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What options are those?

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Johnny?

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Aw, this is disgusting!

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He's got to eat while he's here.

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You can call it his last supper.

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MIKE CHUCKLES

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SCREAMING

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Get him out!

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He hasn't touched my stuff.

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Really, I wonder why?

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Bailey, I told you to lock him in your room.

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I did!

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Trust Bailey to get a psycho dog.

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No, Bailey, I'm sorry but he is going to have to go to the dog's home.

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Today.

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Did you hear me?

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That thing's a menace.

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Hey, quiet down. Go get a hoover.

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Come on, guys. Let's get in there and clean it up.

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Thank you.

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Can we have our wages now?

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Four hours at 75p an hour has got to be...

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..five pounds each.

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No. Four hours? Do I look stupid?

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You can't add up!

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It's about...

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two pounds.

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Isn't it more like one?

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Harry!

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Wait. We can't just shut up shop now.

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We've got a customer base.

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Well, we've cleared out our veggie patch.

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There is nothing left to sell.

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Then we buy more. From supermarket, like real shopkeepers do.

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We invest this lot into bigger and better.

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All right. More cash, more stock.

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-Are you two in?

-We want 50% of the profits.

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20%. Yes, please.

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Will you let me do the business deals next time?

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-HE LAUGHS

-Unlucky, carrot-stealer.

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I'm sorry, dog. You blew it.

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Hey. Come on, then.

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Last chance.

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If I'm going to be your new owner, you've got to respect the rules.

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I can't help you if you won't help yourself.

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Come on, boy. In.

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Let me get you some water.

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The supermarket opened two hours ago!

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Go away, Floss.

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Mischief. Come on, boy!

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Come on.

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MISCHIEF BARKS

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Time for walkies. Let's go.

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Wrappers off, labels on.

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We're going to make a fortune!

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It doesn't even look like our stuff.

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It's too clean.

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Wait a minute...

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Sorted.

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And now, for the piece de resistance.

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Eggs!

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I picked these up for two quid. Bargain or what?

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We are so good at this.

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That's £1.50, please.

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Floss, that's enough.

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-All right, love.

-Hi.

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BELL TINKLES

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Free vegetables, madam?

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-Here you go, thirsty workers.

-Thank you.

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Pass them along. Pass them along.

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No! Give. Give. Give.

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No, Mischief.

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You need to think about your behaviour.

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-Good walk?

-He's not in the house.

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Is that blood?

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-No, that's ketchup.

-Bailey.

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If he was a kid, you wouldn't chuck him out.

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It's not a kid, it's a dog.

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But I can take care of him.

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But why? You didn't know the man that died.

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It's not your job to take him in.

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-He's got no-one else!

-A pet, Bailey?

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Seriously? They didn't even look after the snake.

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But he just laid about.

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-A dog's load's better.

-Load's more trouble.

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BAILEY SIGHS IMPATIENTLY

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But he can play games and he can fetch things.

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Steal food, trash your room.

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I'll train him. Give me a week.

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Three days.

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I swear I can make him be good.

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HE SIGHS

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# Dizzy!

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# I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning

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# Like a whirlpool, it never ends

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# And it's you, girl, making it spin

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# You're making me dizzy! #

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'And today, we're going to be showing you how easy it is

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'to be teaching your puppy a sit.

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'So it's quite simple.

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'One of the first things you teach your new puppy.

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'So make sure that you have lots of food. Good boy.

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'And all I'm going to do is...'

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Ah-whooooo!

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"Reward-based training."

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Oi, you have to work for them, greedy.

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Sit.

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-MISCHIEF GROWLS

-Sit.

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Come on, Mischief. Sit!

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MISCHIEF WHIMPERS

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Stand. Stand!

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-HE WHIMPERS

-What are you doing?

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Oh, come on. Stand! Stand! Stand!

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-You lot are putting him off.

-He's useless.

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He's just got to get used to me.

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I bet we can help.

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"The sit command is one of the simpler and yet most useful commands

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-"you can teach your dog."

-OK.

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"It gives you a wonderful easy way to control you dog.

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So this is how we're going to do it.

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I'm going to teach you how to be the best dog ever.

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Just trust me.

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I'm blaming you when this goes wrong.

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But have you ever seen Bailey interested in anything

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except football?

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We're not having a dog. I can give you ten good reasons.

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There's two of them over there.

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Owning a pet can really help care kids.

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They won't put the work in. They never do.

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Yeah, you're right.

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Ooh. Thank you very much.

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"You are invited to a dog show. Garden. Three o'clock tomorrow."

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Thank you very much.

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Get up. Come on.

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Come on.

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Hurry up, we're starting! Little ones at the front.

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-I get to sit at the front cos I'm the oldest.

-Come on then.

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Hurry up.

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-Come on, hurry up. We haven't got all day.

-Come on, then!

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What are you playing at? Hurry up..

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Wait. I need to put his collar on.

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CHANT: Hurry up! Hurry up!

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All right, Mischief of Ashdene Ridge.

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This collar cost me a tenner, so don't mess it up, all right?

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-MISCHIEF WHIMPERS

-Come on.

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Just like we practised, yeah?

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-Come on.

-Settle down.

-You've had three days.

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MISCHIEF BARKS, KIDS CHEER

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Hurry up, we're missing the dog show!

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-Who's that?

-I don't know.

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What did she want?

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She said we we're doing fraud.

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Cos the eggs aren't free-range.

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They've got the wrong stamps on their shells.

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Uh, what stamps?

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Didn't anyone check?

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I did offer her a full refund and a free broccoli.

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She said we were criminals and we could go to prison.

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Come on, boy.

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CHEERING

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You got the stupid eggs.

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Just get free-range next time. Sorted.

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Yes, but we said they're hand-picked.

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From the speckliest hens.

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So we've got to have our own chickens.

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Like the man who mends Mike's car. He's got loads.

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ALL CHANT: Mischief! Mischief! Mischief! Mischief!

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Sit.

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Oh, look. Hello, handsome. How are you doing?

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Aww!

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We haven't promised anything yet.

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Oh, please!

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Look at him!

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Oh, you are such a good boy! Oh!

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Oh, no!

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Pros - the kids are all for it.

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Picking up poo?

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-Walking him in the pouring rain?

-We'll have to make a rota.

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They'll keep it for a week and then it'll be onto the next thing.

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Look, it enfranchises them, it teaches them responsibility,

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it gives them a sense of worth.

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What happened to the snake?

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Stay.

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Good dog.

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Go!

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COCKEREL CROWS

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COCKEREL CROWS

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Aargh!

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-Shh!

-Shh!

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-Where's Mischief?

-Don't know.

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The doors were open when we came back.

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-CHICKEN CROWS

-Shh!

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We thought he was with you.

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-Mischief!

-Shh!

-Shh!

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Shut it up, Tyler!

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Mischief.

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Mischief.

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Mischief.

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Oh, where are you, boy?

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Sorry, mate. Guess he got a better offer.

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LOUD MUSIC IN BACKGROUND

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Just turn the chicken down!

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Everyone can hear it! Turn the chicken down?

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It's not music, Tyler!

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Turn it down!

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You're going to wake the neighbours.

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Lovely day. Just starting my fitness routine.

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Bit like being back at Glastonbury.

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CHICKEN CROWS

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Was that...was that a chicken?

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Oh, no. It's just my phone, you see.

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Got it set to farmyard animals.

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What? You know? Goes like "moo!" and "baa!"

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-and a "neigh!"

-CHICKEN CROWS

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Oh! Oh! That must be it now.

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That's good! It's very piercing.

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Yeah, yeah. I better answer it. Bye!

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It's a website for lost dogs.

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There's hundreds.

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Mm. And loads of them get reunited with their owners.

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I've put Mischief up.

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-"Boy. Black and white. Very friendly."

-Mm-hm.

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There's a match!

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-What?

-Yeah, look.

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Someone's posted in Found.

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Already?

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No way.

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Hmm?

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Yeah, that's him.

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"Last seen running loose in Bridgewater Road."

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Go!

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Mischief!

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Mischief!

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-Mischief!

-MISCHIEF BARKS

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Good boy!

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No!

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BRAKES SCREECH, HORN BLARES

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MISCHIEF WHIMPERS

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Bailey? Bailey.

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I'm so sorry.

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He's in shock and he might have internal bleeding.

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Right.

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It's going to cost a bit.

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The doctor can't tell until the X-ray.

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He says you're going to have to vouch for me.

0:18:050:18:07

Wait - you're not expecting us to pay?

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Who else is going to?

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We can't.

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We haven't set up any insurance.

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I'll pay you back.

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I know you're fond of him and you've done your best,

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but he's not your responsibility.

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He is. You just don't understand.

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You're going to have to be brave now.

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-Go and say goodbye.

-No, I can't.

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His owner died because of me.

0:18:350:18:37

I pushed him over.

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What?

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I killed him, Mike.

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How's Mischief?

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Not now.

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Bailey, we found this so you can remember him.

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Thanks.

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Mischief didn't escape.

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Someone took this off.

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What you on about?

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His collar.

0:19:230:19:25

Who let him out the shed?

0:19:250:19:26

Must have been itching on a pair of scissors or something.

0:19:260:19:29

I never said it was cut.

0:19:290:19:31

Hey, what's up?

0:19:310:19:32

It was you.

0:19:320:19:34

What?

0:19:340:19:35

Because you were scared of him.

0:19:350:19:36

No! No. No. No.

0:19:380:19:40

No!

0:19:400:19:41

Mike, the police just called back.

0:19:410:19:43

Right. Out.

0:19:430:19:44

Out, out, out.

0:19:440:19:46

You got rid of Bailey's dog?

0:19:480:19:50

That was harsh.

0:19:500:19:51

CHICKEN CLUCKS

0:19:510:19:53

Close your chicken eyes.

0:19:530:19:57

Go to sleep.

0:19:570:19:59

Close your chicken eyes.

0:19:590:20:02

You do know there's a chicken in here?

0:20:050:20:07

We need it for eggs.

0:20:070:20:09

Then it must be a miracle bird.

0:20:090:20:11

Huh?

0:20:110:20:12

He's a rooster. Boy chickens don't lay eggs.

0:20:120:20:15

-KIDS SIGH

-You picked him out.

0:20:150:20:17

You said he was biggest!

0:20:170:20:19

OK. I'll take back the chicken,

0:20:190:20:21

you shift all the stock we've got left.

0:20:210:20:24

What's that?

0:20:250:20:27

You've left the apple label on!

0:20:270:20:29

You idiot! Do you want us to go to prison?

0:20:290:20:32

You two are both rubbish.

0:20:320:20:34

Me and Harry are out.

0:20:340:20:36

Floss!

0:20:360:20:38

So...what do we do with all the veggies?

0:20:380:20:40

-Dump them.

-I don't think so.

0:20:400:20:42

Me and Frank could've lived a month off that stuff.

0:20:420:20:44

So what then?

0:20:440:20:45

Tell me, chicken.

0:20:480:20:49

Soup?

0:20:530:20:56

This is tonnes. We're never going to eat it all!

0:20:560:20:58

Be careful with that knife, OK?

0:20:580:21:00

You two, get chopping.

0:21:000:21:02

PHONE RINGS

0:21:030:21:05

Mike?

0:21:060:21:07

Yeah, sorry, this is Ashdene Ridge.

0:21:090:21:11

Trading Standards? I think you've got the wrong number.

0:21:130:21:16

Yeah, that's the right address.

0:21:180:21:20

But this is a children's care home, it's not a farm shop.

0:21:200:21:22

Guess what I found under the hedge in the front garden.

0:21:360:21:39

"Ashdene Ridge Farm Shop.

0:21:420:21:45

"Carrots - a pound. Cauliflower - two pounds.

0:21:450:21:49

"Eggs - £2.50"!

0:21:490:21:52

-Are they going to arrest me?

-It's just an interview.

0:22:010:22:03

You're going to stay calm, tell them exactly what happened. Yeah?

0:22:030:22:07

Good.

0:22:090:22:10

-GRUDGINGLY:

-Get your refunds here. Full money back.

0:22:100:22:14

We're going to lose all our profits now.

0:22:140:22:16

But you'll lose more than that if Trading Standards fine you.

0:22:160:22:19

Aww, it's cute!

0:22:200:22:22

-It's you.

-Aw, Floss. Thanks.

0:22:220:22:26

10p, please.

0:22:260:22:27

Huh.

0:22:280:22:29

-There we go.

-Thank you.

0:22:290:22:31

Hey, big man. Who we playing?

0:22:350:22:37

Mature. I get it.

0:22:390:22:41

Mature isn't hurting an innocent creature.

0:22:410:22:44

If you were just scared, why didn't you say?

0:22:440:22:46

Read my lips.

0:22:460:22:47

I wasn't scared.

0:22:470:22:50

Listen to this -

0:22:500:22:51

"Locals were saddened this week

0:22:510:22:53

"at the death of homeless Malcolm Malone."

0:22:530:22:55

Let me see.

0:22:550:22:56

-That's Mischief.

-Mm-hm.

0:22:570:22:59

Who's that?

0:22:590:23:01

Malcolm. When he was in the army.

0:23:010:23:03

He never settled back into normal life.

0:23:030:23:06

Maybe Mischief was an army dog or something.

0:23:060:23:08

Now we've given up on him, letting him die?

0:23:080:23:11

So are they going to keep me here?

0:23:130:23:15

That depends.

0:23:150:23:17

They need to speak to the hospital.

0:23:170:23:19

Yeah, but I told them what I did.

0:23:190:23:21

Why can't they just charge me?

0:23:210:23:23

Floss.

0:23:260:23:28

I need this for soup.

0:23:280:23:30

It's Johnny's body.

0:23:300:23:32

Right, listen up, guys.

0:23:320:23:34

I'm collecting for Mischief's vet bill.

0:23:340:23:36

50p, please.

0:23:360:23:38

Are you not supposed to give me money?

0:23:380:23:39

Well, if you pay me, I'll give you it back.

0:23:390:23:42

All right.

0:23:420:23:43

Thank you. There you go.

0:23:460:23:48

Thank you.

0:23:480:23:49

-30 quid.

-OK.

0:23:490:23:50

I've got a couple of shopping vouchers,

0:23:520:23:54

but sorry, that's all I've got.

0:23:540:23:55

This is peanuts.

0:23:550:23:56

If you want to make decent money, you need a good plan.

0:23:560:23:59

Like you care.

0:23:590:24:00

Yeah, it was your fault he got run over in the first place.

0:24:000:24:03

Fine, I was only trying to help. Keep the money for myself.

0:24:030:24:06

Wait, wait. What money?

0:24:060:24:08

If you can't see it, I'm not going to say.

0:24:080:24:10

Get your fresh veggie soup, here for one day only.

0:24:110:24:14

Thank you.

0:24:140:24:15

Tickle your taste buds, sir?

0:24:150:24:16

Two quid a cup. You're not going to get any better than that.

0:24:160:24:19

Here. You get yours free.

0:24:210:24:22

Thank you.

0:24:230:24:24

Don't give it all away, Kaz.

0:24:240:24:26

Remember, we are collecting for Mischief.

0:24:260:24:28

Thank you.

0:24:280:24:29

Hey, here you go, mate. On the house, yeah?

0:24:290:24:33

So...did you know him?

0:24:350:24:37

Oh, yeah.

0:24:400:24:41

You're lucky Trading Standards are taking no further action.

0:24:410:24:44

They realised you're a bunch a of time-wasting, idiot kids,

0:24:450:24:47

and they're going to sending you a booklet on consumer law.

0:24:470:24:50

-Yay.

-I can't wait.

0:24:500:24:51

Mike.

0:24:540:24:55

You and Tyler, only 75p.

0:24:580:25:00

What? You're making money out of OUR veggies

0:25:010:25:05

when we've got to give the money back?

0:25:050:25:07

-Mine's broke!

-That's not fair?

0:25:070:25:08

It wasn't Bailey's fault at all.

0:25:090:25:12

He'd been ill for ages.

0:25:120:25:14

In fact, the police said Bailey had nothing at all to do with him dying.

0:25:140:25:18

Yeah, but I did push him over.

0:25:180:25:20

And I called him a loser.

0:25:200:25:22

You tried to make up for it by looking after his dog.

0:25:220:25:24

But I didn't, did I?

0:25:270:25:28

Hey, guys.

0:25:370:25:38

150 smackeroos.

0:25:390:25:41

-We all put in.

-Yeah. We all put in money.

0:25:420:25:45

Thanks to Kaz's super chef skills.

0:25:450:25:47

That's lovely, guys. Thank you so much.

0:25:470:25:49

Is there anyone who hasn't made money from our veggies?

0:25:490:25:52

-THEY LAUGH

-Thanks.

0:25:520:25:54

But it's not enough.

0:25:540:25:56

Wait up.

0:25:560:25:57

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where did that come from?

0:25:570:25:59

It's legit, Mike. Don't worry.

0:25:590:26:01

Donations from all the good folk who passed Mal by every day.

0:26:010:26:04

We weren't sure what to do with it until your mate here

0:26:040:26:07

told us about Mischief.

0:26:070:26:08

That's a start, right?

0:26:080:26:09

More than a start. Come on.

0:26:110:26:12

Let's go.

0:26:120:26:14

That's brilliant, guys. Thank you so much.

0:26:140:26:15

-Good luck. ALL:

-Bye!

0:26:150:26:17

We could start our own business - Floss and Harry and Co.

0:26:170:26:22

Who's Co?

0:26:220:26:23

You two. You now work for us.

0:26:230:26:25

-THEY ALL LAUGH

-Tyler!

0:26:250:26:28

Hi, chaps.

0:26:300:26:32

Hey!

0:26:320:26:33

-Aww!

-Hello, hello.

0:26:330:26:35

I missed you!

0:26:350:26:36

-So is he home for good now or...?

-Um...

0:26:360:26:38

The vet says he has some internal bruising,

0:26:380:26:40

but that should heal with time.

0:26:400:26:42

-ALL:

-Aww!

0:26:420:26:43

-Hello! Mischief.

-Present.

0:26:430:26:44

Aww. Thanks, guys.

0:26:440:26:46

We got a bowl and some toothpaste.

0:26:460:26:49

-Chicken flavour.

-Eugh, thanks.

0:26:490:26:50

Besides, you're far less annoying when Mischief's around.

0:26:500:26:53

THEY ALL LAUGH Ain't that the truth.

0:26:530:26:55

He's a good dog, innit?

0:26:580:27:00

So cute!

0:27:000:27:01

I never said on the bed.

0:27:030:27:05

But he looks so comfy!

0:27:060:27:07

Sweet dreams, Mischief.

0:27:070:27:09

Come on girls...

0:27:110:27:12

Night-night, Mischief.

0:27:120:27:14

Night-night, Mischief.

0:27:140:27:16

So you're not going to say good night to him?

0:27:220:27:24

No. He's a dog.

0:27:240:27:25

Just keep him out my face and I'll be fine.

0:27:250:27:28

We don't care what he says, do we?

0:27:280:27:30

Kiss.

0:27:310:27:32

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