How to Be Perfect The Dumping Ground


How to Be Perfect

Drama series. The Dumping Ground descends into chaos and Kazima is left with a tough decision to make.


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THUD!

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DOG WHINES

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Psst!

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Did you hear it, too?

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Joseph, don't do that.

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-There's someone down there.

-Huh?

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-Burglars.

-As if.

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RATTLING DOWNSTAIRS

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See? I'm going to make a citizen's arrest.

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Are you crazy?

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-HE SIGHS

-Come on.

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Someone was here.

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DOOR CLOSES UPSTAIRS

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Upstairs.

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Shh.

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SNORING

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We snuck downstairs into the office.

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We saw a torch.

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The computer was on. It was so freaky.

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Right, this is Archibald Jeremiah Able,

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or Archie to his mates.

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He's going to be staying with us for a little while, and, er, Mo,

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he's going to be bunking in with you.

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Able by name, able by nature.

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So, there were three of them, maybe more.

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I think one of them had an axe.

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I would have arrested them, but...I ran out of Sellotape.

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What are you talking about?

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Monster zombie burglars. They broke in here last night.

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See ya!

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No, no, no, no, there are no monsters, no zombies, no burglars,

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no sign of forced entry.

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This isn't about someone breaking in,

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this is about someone stealing my office keys and sneaking downstairs.

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-Is anything missing?

-Files from the office.

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Not any about you, though.

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Older ones, from before half of you came.

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-But why would anyone want them?

-That's what I would like to know,

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and whoever is responsible has precisely five minutes to own up

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or you are all grounded.

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-All of us?

-And chores are doubled.

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-That's not fai...

-Trebled!

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-Mike...

-Quadrupled!

-Nobody else say anything!

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This is serious.

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Five minutes.

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I mean it.

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What's in there?

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What's it got to do with you?

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I was up all night last night, but for some reason,

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you're the one that's yawning. Why is that?

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I just need my sleep. I think I'm in the middle of a growth spurt.

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DEEPLY: Look how deep my voice is.

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Hey! No! Get off!

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Bailey!

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Look, it's Tyler's. I caught him trying to hide the evidence.

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No, wait!

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HE SIGHS

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LAUGHTER

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See? I wasn't anywhere near the office.

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Look, I'm just a bit tired, because I wasn't in my room.

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I was in the garage...

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..trying to learn how to dance.

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LAUGHTER

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Why?

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Well, there's this junior disco thing

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at the community centre tonight and...

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well...

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There's this girl.

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ALL: Oooh!

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She has flashing heels in her shoes and everything.

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Couldn't it wait till morning?

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Well, I didn't want anyone else knowing!

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You should have come to me.

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I'd have helped you. You've helped me.

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I don't need your help. This is all your fault.

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Me? I think we're both in the wrong, here.

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How do you make that out?

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Well, it takes two to tango.

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LAUGHTER

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Ignore them, I'll teach you.

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Look, do this.

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-Wow!

-ALL: Whooo!

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Hey, don't go waltzing off!

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LAUGHTER

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Right, your five minutes is almost up.

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Say hello to quadruple chores and get used to these four walls.

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You can't do that!

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-THEY ALL SHOUT

-Five...four...three...two...

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-Someone own up!

-It was me!

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It was me.

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I didn't mean to do any harm.

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No-one was meant to find out.

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I just wanted to read them, that's all.

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But why?

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I've worked out what I need to do to stay in this country.

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I need to get myself adopted.

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I spent every day waiting...

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..for my father to walk through the door

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or for my solicitor to call with the decision

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on my application for asylum.

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But my father never comes.

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And the solicitor never calls.

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We can't begin to imagine how hard that is.

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But you have to be patient.

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-You do.

-Why?

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If I get adopted, my wait will be over

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and I'll definitely be allowed to stay.

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Finding adoptive parents is really hard.

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I know. That is why I took the files of the chosen ones.

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Everyone who's ever been here and been picked.

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I wanted to know what they did, so I can do it, too.

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They didn't do anything.

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No, they must have.

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Kazima, as you get older, adoption becomes less and less likely

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and, even if it does happen,

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it's normally with someone who you've known for a very long time.

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I'm sorry, but this isn't something you should set your heart on.

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Come on, Mischief. Time for a walk...

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-Have you seen Mischief?

-No.

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We're going to forget everything that's happened,

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just this once, right?

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But...

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we expect better from you, Kaz.

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I mean, we really do, right?

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I thought, if I could be perfect...

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..maybe someone might want me...

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..but I don't suppose anyone can ever really be perfect, can they?

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No.

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But to get adopted,

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you don't have to be perfect for everyone,

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just one person in particular,

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and there are loads of people out there.

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I mean, just cos something's unlikely

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doesn't mean it's impossible.

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Everyone needs to keep believing.

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I knew it! Why waste your time with a dance manual

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when you live with a dancing queen?

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SHE SINGS A TUNE

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Do you really think you can help me?

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Of course. For five shiny pounds.

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-Get lost!

-I suppose I could add a complimentary hair band

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and a certificate.

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What have you done with him?

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-With who?

-With Mischief.

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He's not in my room, he's not down there and he's not in the garden.

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This is you trying to get back at me, isn't it?

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I haven't touched him!

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Whoa, whoa, whoa! He's probably just got out again.

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-You sure, yeah?

-Yeah.

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Mischief!

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Because it's you, I'll make it £4.50.

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SHE SIGHS

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HEROIC THEME

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Hi-yah!

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Yah!

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Oh!

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What are you doing?

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Rollerblading.

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It's one of my favourite things to do in the whole world.

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Well, you've never seemed to mention that before.

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What? I talk about it all the time.

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I'm highly skilled at it.

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Oh! It's just been a while, that's all,

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but I remember seeing these in the attic and I couldn't keep away from

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-them any longer.

-Hey, when I was your age,

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I was Merseyside's under-15s rollerblading champion.

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-Wow.

-Yeah, yeah, look it up on the internet.

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There's a picture of me with the trophy and everything.

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Did rollerblading even exist back then?

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Yes, Sasha. Yes, it did.

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Although, there were no roads back then, so, you know,

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it was just hard to find somewhere to do it.

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-Are you feeling OK after your talk with Mike?

-Of course.

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It was a stupid idea and I'm going to go to the shops, if that's OK

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with you, May-Li. There are a few things I'd like to get

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to make up for what I did.

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-You know you don't have to.

-I know, but I want to.

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Argh!

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CRASH!

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I'm OK.

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Hey!

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I know that Floss can be a bit full-on,

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but Jody really wants to teach you.

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She was well up for it.

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Are you kidding me? Jody's an amazing dancer.

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I don't want her knowing I'm a terrible one.

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Tyler, I think she already knows that!

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Maybe I could teach you a few steps.

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I want to get better, not worse!

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How can YOU teach me?

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MUSIC: Disco Inferno by The Trammps

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Watch and learn!

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Say hello...

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to the Boogaloo!

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The Funky Chicken!

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The Mashed Potato!

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MUSIC STOPS

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Oh, teach me, Master, teach me!

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GONG CHIMES

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Dinner is served!

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Hold on to that shimmy.

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# Burn, baby, burn... #

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That's it! Come on, shake it!

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Ha-ha-ha-ha! Come on!

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MISCHIEF WHINES

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I'm sorry, Mischief, I'm going to leave you now

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and I need you to be really, really quiet.

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No woofing, more chomping.

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Bye, Mischief.

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-Hey, where's Bailey?

-He's looking for Mischief.

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-He got out again.

-Oh, he should have said.

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I mean, we'd have gone with him, right?

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-What's that?

-An old family favourite.

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It's called Scouse.

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What, you used to have that in Somalia?

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Regularly.

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-Isn't this a Liverpool thing?

-Is it?

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Well, yeah, it's called Scouse. Did you used to have that, May-Li?

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I did, actually, yeah. My Nana used to make it all the time.

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Oh, so it's your favourite thing, too?

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Oh, well... No, not really, Kaz.

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Had it that much that, erm...I'm kind of put off it for life now.

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Sorry.

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SPLAT!

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Oh, Mischief!

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Finn's undercrackers!

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Give them! MISCHIEF WHINES

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HE SNIFFS

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Mischief! Couldn't you hold it for a few more minutes?!

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Do I look like someone who carries a pooper-scooper?

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Ugh!

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Hey, let me in.

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Access is for permit holders only.

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I don't need a permit.

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This is my room, too.

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Look, I'm not feeling that great.

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Terrible, in fact, and I don't want you to catch it.

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Do you need to see a doctor?

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No, I just think it's one of those 24-hour bugs.

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What's that smell?

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Oh, it'll be a while until I eat that Scouse again.

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Mike!

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OK... Lesson one.

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MUSIC: Disco Inferno by The Trammps

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Warming up.

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-FINN:

-Mike!

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I want a new room now!

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MUSIC STOPS

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One moment.

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HE SIGHS

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Have you had a nice walk?

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Have you settled down a bit? Take a bit of time for yourself.

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Have a read of those magazines.

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-Have a seat, quickly.

-What are we doing?

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-Movie afternoon.

-What's that?

-We're watching Dirty Dancing.

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Oh, my favourite film ever!

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Well, if no-one else is keen, I don't mind.

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-We can still watch it together, can't we?

-Yeah!

-Er, I'm in.

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Hey, throw in a trip to the garden centre, too,

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and this would just about be my perfect afternoon.

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-Ooh, I'll get the popcorn.

-OK.

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Kaz, you don't like that film. You've never even seen it.

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And you don't have Scouse in Somalia and,

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to be honest, you're not a highly skilled rollerblader, are you?

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-Why would she say she was if she wasn't?

-She wants something.

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Something off May-Li.

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Do you?

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Kaz, she can't help you with your asylum application, no-one can.

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There's nothing that she can do to help you stay in the country.

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Yes, there is.

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-What?

-May-Li could adopt her.

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Archie, all right, you're new here,

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but there's no way that Kaz would ever think that that could happen.

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Hey!

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Finn tells me you're in a bad way.

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I'm fine now. I thought it was one of those 24-hour bugs,

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but it turned out to be a 24-minute one.

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Right.

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There you go, sorted.

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You all right?

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That just doesn't happen.

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Well, maybe it's time it did.

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It was May-Li who gave me the idea.

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I don't have to be perfect for everyone, just for her.

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But she's already got a family.

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Exactly, and now she knows how much we have in common,

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she would have to worry about how I fit into it.

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But you don't have anything in common, cos you just lying.

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It's OK for you,

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no-one's going to put you on a plane and send you anywhere.

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If May-Li says yes, everything will be OK.

0:16:390:16:41

Yes to what?

0:16:430:16:44

Mike said that, if you get adopted at my age,

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it's more likely to be someone you already know, remember?

0:16:480:16:51

-Yeah.

-Well, who better than you?

0:16:510:16:53

Oh, Kaz...

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I'm not looking for a new parent.

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I'm looking for someone who's willing to make an arrangement.

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Many years ago, someone in your family was just like me.

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They came here to start a new life.

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Will you help me do the same?

0:17:100:17:12

Listen, lad.

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-MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY

-May-Li's adopting Kazima!

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-What?!

-Mike!

0:17:220:17:23

Today is no longer a day for dancing.

0:17:230:17:25

Oh!

0:17:270:17:28

Oh! Joseph, I'm not in the mood.

0:17:370:17:40

You will be. I've got Mischief.

0:17:400:17:43

-Huh?

-Bailey was mean to you, so I thought I'd get him back for you.

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By kidnapping his dog?

0:17:460:17:48

-Are you out of your mind?

-I thought you'd be happy.

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Well, I'm not.

0:17:500:17:52

You won't be happy about the ransom note, then, either.

0:17:520:17:55

I said I'd think about it, that's all.

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Do you think it's never crossed my mind

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to pick one of the kids and take them home?

0:18:010:18:03

I might be able to sort all their problems out,

0:18:030:18:05

not just one or two.

0:18:050:18:07

-What are they saying?

-Shh!

0:18:070:18:08

So why haven't you?

0:18:080:18:10

Because we have a responsibility to each and every one of them.

0:18:100:18:13

-Finn?

-I'm not sharing with Joseph any more.

0:18:130:18:17

-I'm moving.

-To where?

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We can't just make a choice.

0:18:190:18:21

-We can't turn our backs on the rest.

-But I'm not.

0:18:210:18:24

-What are they saying?

-I don't know, cos you keep talking.

0:18:240:18:27

Mike said they can't choose between us.

0:18:270:18:29

-Well, he's right.

-But they don't have to.

0:18:290:18:31

This is about me and no-one else.

0:18:310:18:32

What is?

0:18:320:18:34

Do you have any idea what effect this could have on the others?

0:18:340:18:37

-They'll come round.

-You think so?

-They always do.

0:18:370:18:40

Look, I promised Kazima I would think about it...

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-..and that's what I'm going to do.

-Yes!

0:18:440:18:47

I don't think it's fair.

0:18:470:18:48

If May-Li's in the market for more kids,

0:18:480:18:50

why doesn't she adopt us instead?

0:18:500:18:52

No, me.

0:18:520:18:53

Do you think she'd have room for me, too?

0:18:530:18:55

I'm only little. I can squeeze in almost anywhere.

0:18:550:18:57

I'm sorry, but I asked first.

0:18:570:18:59

-You're all too late.

-So? Maybe she's still open for offers.

0:18:590:19:02

Yeah. And if you can make it seem like you're perfect for her,

0:19:020:19:06

why can't we, too?

0:19:060:19:08

"Dear Bailey, I have Mischief,

0:19:210:19:23

"so you'd better start being nice to people or else the dog gets it.

0:19:230:19:27

"Regards, the Dognapper.

0:19:270:19:29

"PS, I'm really sorry to have done this to you,

0:19:290:19:31

"but don't worry about it. It'll be fine."

0:19:310:19:34

I spent three hours looking for him, up and down streets, even in parks.

0:19:350:19:39

Where is he? Hmm?

0:19:390:19:42

-Mischief!

-Are you lot trying to wind me up?

0:19:500:19:53

I swear he was here.

0:19:530:19:55

He must have gone through here now.

0:19:550:19:56

-He took my hat and glasses!

-Joseph!

0:19:560:19:58

If you lot don't find him, your lives won't be worth living, yeah?

0:19:580:20:01

You have to help me. They can't do this.

0:20:050:20:07

Why? They've all got as much reason to want May-Li as a mum as you have.

0:20:070:20:10

Guys, guys, Mischief's got out!

0:20:100:20:12

-We know.

-Yeah, for real this time.

0:20:120:20:14

Mike, please help me find Mischief.

0:20:140:20:17

Is she still missing? All right, come on, if we all go looking,

0:20:170:20:20

we stand a much better chance.

0:20:200:20:21

Don't look at me, I've still got a movie afternoon.

0:20:210:20:24

May-Li, can I speak to you, please?

0:20:240:20:25

Not now, Kaz.

0:20:250:20:27

It's £2.73, it's all I've got.

0:20:340:20:38

OK, then I still add in the certificate.

0:20:380:20:41

Whoa! Before you go to that disco, we need to boost your confidence.

0:20:410:20:46

Watch.

0:20:470:20:48

MUSIC: You'll Never Walk Alone by Gerry And The Pacemakers

0:20:520:20:56

Where did you get that?

0:20:560:20:58

It's Bailey's.

0:20:580:21:00

But why are you wearing it? You don't support them.

0:21:000:21:03

I do now.

0:21:030:21:05

No, you don't, you're just pretending to, because May-Li does.

0:21:050:21:08

So? You were pretending, too.

0:21:080:21:10

She can't adopt the both of us.

0:21:100:21:12

Then I hope she picks me.

0:21:120:21:14

Come on, boy!

0:21:200:21:21

Mischief, where are you? Come on!

0:21:210:21:24

Mischief!

0:21:240:21:25

Argh! I don't have the time!

0:21:250:21:28

Mischief!

0:21:300:21:31

Come on, boy, Mischief!

0:21:310:21:34

Mischief!

0:21:340:21:36

Come on, boy.

0:21:360:21:38

What are you doing?

0:21:410:21:43

-We're gardening. We love it.

-Since when?

0:21:430:21:46

Since we found out it was a great way to get a mum.

0:21:460:21:48

May-Li doesn't need to go to the garden centre.

0:21:480:21:51

We brought the garden centre to her.

0:21:510:21:52

Have you pulled them up from our garden?

0:21:520:21:55

No, not ours.

0:21:550:21:57

Next door's.

0:21:570:21:58

You have to put them back.

0:21:580:21:59

What? And let May-Li adopt you instead? Pfft!

0:21:590:22:02

LEAF BLOWER BUZZES LOUDLY

0:22:060:22:09

Mr! Mr!

0:22:130:22:14

Have you seen a dog?

0:22:160:22:17

-You what, mate?

-Have you seen a dog?

-No, sorry.

0:22:170:22:20

-How about a bike?

-No, sorry, mate, I've not seen it.

0:22:200:22:23

Give me them back!

0:22:290:22:31

Whoa!

0:22:340:22:36

I knew it was a long shot for May-Li to adopt me.

0:22:360:22:39

I've only been here 368 minutes.

0:22:390:22:42

Do you ever take that thing off?

0:22:420:22:43

Don't know how long I'll be staying.

0:22:430:22:45

It may not be worth it.

0:22:450:22:47

I tend to move around.

0:22:470:22:48

Do you have a mother or father?

0:22:510:22:52

A grandparent? A brother or sister?

0:22:550:22:57

I'm unique. Collectable.

0:22:570:22:59

Do you have a dad?

0:23:040:23:05

What's he like?

0:23:080:23:10

He's...the best dad anyone can ever hope for.

0:23:100:23:13

WHISTLING

0:23:430:23:45

No sign?

0:23:450:23:46

And my bike's gone, too!

0:23:470:23:50

What?

0:23:500:23:51

Have you made a decision yet?

0:23:520:23:54

Yeah. Yeah, I think I have.

0:23:550:23:58

Because you're wrong, Mike.

0:23:580:24:00

I mean, the others have been absolutely fine.

0:24:000:24:02

-May-Li!

-Oh! Oh?

0:24:040:24:06

Joseph?

0:24:200:24:22

"Dear Joseph, if you don't stop stealing people's pets,

0:24:280:24:31

"your bike's going to get it.

0:24:310:24:32

"Regards, the Bikenapper."

0:24:320:24:35

What have I done, Mike?

0:24:410:24:43

It doesn't matter.

0:24:440:24:46

The important thing now is what you're going to do.

0:24:490:24:52

KNOCK AT DOOR

0:24:570:24:58

-Bailey!

-Yeah, I saw you going into the shed with him,

0:24:590:25:03

so I thought I'd let you spend this afternoon feeling how I was feeling.

0:25:030:25:07

-I, erm...probably deserved it.

-Yeah, there is no "probably", mate.

0:25:080:25:13

I'm sorry.

0:25:130:25:15

I felt bad for Tyler.

0:25:150:25:17

-Yeah? Why?

-Because you laughed at him.

0:25:170:25:19

Come on, Tyler's, like, the worst dancer in the world.

0:25:210:25:24

Tyler?

0:25:240:25:25

Are you kidding me?

0:25:260:25:27

There you go, Mischief.

0:25:280:25:30

Goodbye.

0:25:310:25:32

Kaz.

0:25:350:25:37

We really need to talk.

0:25:380:25:40

Yes, we do.

0:25:400:25:41

Because I don't want you to adopt any more.

0:25:430:25:45

-What?

-I should never have asked you.

0:25:460:25:48

I was forgetting what I already have

0:25:490:25:52

and, the truth is, we need you as much as each other.

0:25:520:25:55

She's right. Don't adopt us either.

0:25:550:25:57

-Yeah.

-Or me.

0:25:570:25:59

I'd like to withdraw my interest, too.

0:25:590:26:03

Prepare to be amazed.

0:26:030:26:04

What are you going to do?

0:26:060:26:10

Wait. Everyone needs to keep believing, don't they?

0:26:100:26:13

-Oh, Mischief's back!

-It's like he's never been away.

0:26:140:26:17

Kazima, your solicitor is on the phone.

0:26:170:26:19

That's embarrassing.

0:26:200:26:21

Ladies and gentlemen, Dumping Dancing!

0:26:210:26:24

MUSIC: I've Had The Time Of My Life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes

0:26:270:26:35

# Because I've had the time of my life... #

0:26:440:26:50

NEEDLE SCRATCH AND MUSIC STOPS

0:26:500:26:51

I want my money back!

0:26:510:26:53

I'm never going to impress the girl with the flashy heels now.

0:26:530:26:55

I want my certificate back and that's the last time I can do this!

0:26:550:26:59

Well, it started off well.

0:27:020:27:04

Are you OK?

0:27:050:27:06

They've made a decision.

0:27:090:27:11

And what did they say?

0:27:110:27:12

I'm staying.

0:27:130:27:15

I'm staying!

0:27:150:27:17

How do you feel?

0:27:190:27:21

Perfect.

0:27:210:27:23

CHEERING

0:27:230:27:25

When Kazima starts behaving strangely, her friends don't understand what's got into her. Then the truth emerges, the Dumping Ground descends into chaos and Kazima's left with a tough decision to make.


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