Episode 1 The Johnny & Inel Show

# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise.

# I splash some water on my face To get the sleep out of my eyes.

# The sun's out shining, I better stop rhyming

# As Mum's always telling me Fix up your timing.

# Now we got a show on CBBC

# Sure all of my fans Will be happy to see me

# It's sick cos the time is here

# Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

# We're doing well as you can tell

-# So here comes the show with Johnny..

-..and Inel. #

-Hello, and welcome to the Johnny...

-..and Inel show.

I'm Johnny, the guy with big hair, great jokes

and I'm not bad-looking either.

And I'm Inel, the dude with the yellow beanie, cheeky smile

and the trademark laugh - aha!

Coming up on the show

we've got some hilarious sketches, some great banter,

and awesome guest performances from Jonathan and Charlotte.

Does that sound exciting?

AUDIENCE: Yeah!

Never fear, for Wasteman's here!

I'm sorry, but I think it was you.

Oh, my golly golly gosh, sir! It wasn't even me.

# I'm so excited And I just can't hide it. #

All right, all right, save some energy for our greet of the week.

Oh, yeah.

Greet of the Week is the part of the show where we show you a greet

that you can do with your friends.

Me and Inel have already thought of one back stage.

-Ready?

-Oh, yeah.

BOTH: Batt, batt, batt, batt, boom!

One more!

BOTH: Batt, batt, batt, batt, boom!

OK, let's go. Ready?

BOTH: Batt, batt, batt, batt, boom!

-Yeah.

-They got it!

They got it locked down!

Guys, I think we should crack on with the first sketch in the Johnny Show.

Whoa, whoa! I reckon it should be called the Inel and Johnny Show,

because my name's more unique.

Like iPhone or iPad, yeah, Kids are going to remember that.

Listen.

I like Inel, I really do, but the kids love Johnny,

and we've got to give the kids what they want.

Whoa, whoa. What do you know about what the kids want?

You gave your niece a bunch of fruit for her birthday.

She asked for a Blackberry. How am I supposed to know she wanted a phone?

Let's cut to a sketch.

Kids, tired of your parents trying to be cool?

Did your dad's dancing ruin your last birthday party?

Whoa, whoa!

Well, then, you need parental plimsolls.

We know that most parents don't have any rhythm,

but give them these as a present and we'll do the rest.

You are in control!

Your parents footsteps will only move where you dictate.

Transform your mum and dad's dancing from lawless...

..to flawless.

That's more party invites for them. And more free time for you.

Call now.

Ten times ten is...

BLONDIE HUMS

Sorry, is somebody humming?

Err, it wasn't me?

Right, OK.

BLONDIE HUMS

I'm sorry, but I think it was you humming then.

Oh, my gosh, sir!

It wasn't me!

Oh, my gosh, how do you know it was me?

And even if it was, how can you prove it was me?

You can't, you can't. That's what I'm saying.

It wasn't even me, sir. It was him!

Hey!

Told you!

Come on, guys.

Right. So ten times ten is...

BLONDIE HUMS

Well, that's definitely you drumming.

You lie!

It was you!

Oh, my golly golly gosh, sir!

Have you got any evidence for that? Where's the evidence, sir?

Oh, my gosh, if this was in a court of law could you prove it?

No, you couldn't, no, you couldn't, that's what I'm saying.

This room is just bear echoey

and you're blaming me for all the sounds.

Sounds everywhere, sounds over there, could have been her,

sounds over there, could have been him, but it wasn't, it was him!

-Hey!

-Told you!

This is your last warning. I'm about to go mad here.

And you do not want that!

Right, ten times ten is...

-That's clearly you.

-What was me?

The trombone. You're holding a trombone!

Oh, my gosh, I'm holding a trombone in my hand?

What's a trombone? Is this a trombone? Is this a trombone?

I don't know what a trombone is.

This ain't even a trombone, this is a pencil case.

See?

What are you talking about? You have a trombone in your hand!

Give me it here.

See?

Oh, my gosh, sir!

You were just doing that thing you told us not to do!

No, I was doing...

Yes, you did. I saw you, sir.

What you were doing, because...

It's all in my ears like pow!

It wasn't even me! It was him!

Oh, my days!

Oh!

CHILDREN BANG TABLES

Welcome back to the Johnny and Inel Show!

Hold on, hold on. Can we get the graphics back up?

Yeah, I mean, look at that. My name's tiny!

-Yeah, that's how it's meant to be, mate.

-Is it?

Yeah, it says it all here in the producer's notes.

-Have you not read 'em?

-No.

Ah, right, well. How can I break this to you?

They see me more of, like, the Harry Potter. I'm like the Harry Potter.

Got it.

And they see you more like the little Ron Weasley kid

who just follows him around everywhere.

Whoa, let me see that.

Whoa, I haven't finished reading it!

Right, how can I say this? OK.

They see me more of like the Jay-Z, and they see you more like...

Ah, Kanye West! I get it now. I get it, I get it.

No. More like Jay-Z's assistant.

You just hand me the bottles of water and let me do the magic.

Ho, ho, ho!

All right, then.

I'll just stay back here, then.

Out of sight, out of mind.

AUDIENCE: Awww!

All right.

Don't worry about it, mate. Look, I'm kind.

You're going to have your day to shine as well.

It's just all you need is someone hyping you up.

So every time you do something,

there's your hype man making you look good. Go on.

Nah, I'm just going to get a ginger beer,

then I'm going to get on outta here.

Oooowww!

I didn't see it coming!

Mad rhymes, mad rhymes! Go again, go again.

OK.

My names Inel, I like watching TV.

I'm not silly, though, I'm not going to put that on my CV.

Oooowww! This guy's on fire!!

Good, innit?

Go again, come on! What have you got?

What, what, what, what, what!

The fans love me, they're clearly obsessed.

It's the Inel Show, it's better than the rest. Yeah!

That was good!

Whoa, whoa.

Whoo-hoo!

-What was that?

-What was what?

What was that? That last bit?

Yeah! I feel good!

No, not that, the last bit.

You said The Inel Show. This is The Johnny and Inel show.

We have been over this already.

Oh, no, don't bring me down, man. I'm flying at the minute, man.

I'm flying, you know. Yeah.

No, no, I am...

# I believe I can fly

# I believe I can touch the sky. #

Listen, I am trying to hype you up and you're trying to mug me off.

Shut this lot down! Bring a sketch on!

Bring a sketch on!

Hi, I'm Boris Noris.

And I'm Noris Gloris.

Our top story today. Comedians Johnny Cochrane

and Inel Tomlinson have been commissioned their own CBBC show.

In light of the recent news,

we went out on the street to see how the public felt.

I don't know who they are.

Oh, them two? Yeah, they usually come in every Thursday.

The one with the big hair, he usually gets meatball carbonara,

and the bald one, he just usually has a couple of ginger beers.

Who are they?

Oh, have they got their own show, have they?

Well. Nice.

Well, tune in next time, guys.

I've been Boris Noris.

And I've been Noris Gloris.

Ta-ta.

So what are you having for dinner?

Lasagne.

Once upon a time, a kid got dumped in the trash.

That kid discovered he had powers.

Powers of the waste.

The thrilling adventures of...

Wasteman!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, oh, oh!

Help! Help!

Help!

Hi!

Did someone order a superhero?

Oh, thank goodness you're here.

Can you go and find somebody who can actually help me, please?

Well, that's why I'm here. That's what I do.

Never fear, for Wasteman's here!

Yeah, I'm here to save the day.

Oh, I wanted Superman. I like him.

Well, you got me, all right?

Besides, Superman's old news.

I'm the new breed of superhero. Bit cooler, bit more down to earth.

It's just that you look a bit silly, that's all.

That's brave, saying that to a big, powerful superhero like me.

You got guts. I like it.

So are you as powerful as superman, then?

Well, wouldn't really like to compare us, to be honest.

I mean, we do different things.

So you can shoot lasers from your eyes, stop a train with your

bare hands, and of course you can fly faster than a speeding bullet!

So many questions from you, isn't there? Ha-ha!

Yeah, anyway, I heard you screaming out for help, so I'm here.

How can I help?

Oh, yes, well, I was doing the vacuuming

and I accidentally vacuumed up the curtain.

Did you say vacuum?

Oh, I'm starting to feel a bit sick.

What's the matter, Wasteman?

It just vacuums. I can't handle them.

It's only me and dogs that seem to understand just how evil they are.

Are you kidding?

You're a powerful superhero and you're scared of a vacuum?

Do you think Superman would be scared of a vacuum?

Listen, we've all got weaknesses, all right?

Kryptonite, do you think I'm scared of that?

I could eat kryptonite on toast! It's easy!

But vacuums, I just can't handle them.

They clean up rubbish and destroy waste.

So what am I supposed to do now?

You'll have to sort it out yourself!

My powers are no good around here.

From now on, please only call us for the big stuff.

None of this small stuff.

May the waste be with you!

COMPUTER GAME MUSIC PLAYS

Hello, there, gamers! It's madjimbo28 here,

champion of Immortal Flyer Turbo 2 Redux Edition!

And I'm shotcaller007, Gears Of Dragon Beast!

Prestige three.

And welcome to another episode of...

Super game reviewers!

Now, today we're going to be walking you through

one of the toughest levels of Productive Teenager 2.

So we're going to go ahead and jump in on co-op mode

and show you the definitive way to beat the level

whilst unlocking all the achievements.

Here we go!

Now, the object of this level is to mow the garden.

Sounds easy, right?

Wrong!

Notice that madjimbo has equipped himself with dad's garden gloves.

Now, a lot of people don't know this,

but if you turn on the portable radio

you can get a 10% productivity boost and you unlock the DJ achievement.

MUSIC: "Gangnam Style" by Psy

20 points for the gamers' score.

Now I'm pressing A.

Whoa, that's a big rock there. Can you pick that up for me?

Shotcaller?

Are you still there? We're trying to do a speed run here.

No!

Mum! Can you tell Darren to stop downloading

when I'm trying to play online?

Whoa, whoa! What's going on here? What's this?

Johnny, what's going on?

Oh, hiya, mate. You all right?

What's this?

-Yeah, really great news.

-Yeah?

Well, because we're becoming really big stars,

some bigger than others,

we don't have to share a dressing room any more.

Oh, right, OK.

Yeah, it's great, isn't it?

And I'm going to suffer and keep the old one,

and you get the new and exciting one down the corridor.

-Oh, down there?

-Yeah.

Oh, nice!

Oh, it's a good 'un, mate, it's a good 'un.

I'm going to go and check it out.

Oh, wait a sec.

Don't forget your things.

Cheers.

That's not yours.

Right.

Yeah!

# I got my own dressing room.

He's having a laugh!

Johnny!

Oh, hello!

Well, we've all been there, haven't we?

Sat on a bus enjoying the journey,

then some kids get on, laughing and joking,

then it hits you. Boom.

You realise you haven't got the slightest idea

what they're actually saying.

COUGHS

Well, welcome to the Dictionary Of What Kids Say.

Here, we'll be unveiling the hidden meanings

behind what your friends are saying.

This week, "one ding".

Now, to understand

this wonderful little phrase,

we must first see it in action.

So, imagine if you will that Blondie's mum

has forgotten to buy her a £5 top up voucher,

but Blondie needs to contact Robbie to see if he would like to play out.

What will Blondie do?

Mum, you didn't buy me any top up credit!

How am I supposed to ring Robbie now?

Then it hits her.

Actually, it's fine. I'm going to one ding him now.

One ding.

One ding, meaning to call once and hang up,

therefore letting the recipient know that you're trying to contact them

whilst still preserving those few precious pennies left of credit

that you actually have.

PHONE RINGS

Oh!

There's my friend Arthur one dinging me now.

Better give him a call back.

Join me next time, won't you, on the Dictionary of What Kids Say.

Welcome back to the Johnny Show, guys.

Now, please help me welcome my guests this week, Jonathan and Charlotte!

Whoa, whoa. What's going on here?

And why are you wearing a gold jacket?

Oh, you know. I think it suits me, don't you?

Anyway, you know, I've just got to introduce my guests this week.

I'm thinking of calling this segment Johnny's Guest of the Week.

Oh, no, no. You've gone to far, Johnny. You've gone too far.

All right, chill out, diva.

I haven't really got time for this anyway.

I've just got to introduce my guests. Please welcome to the stage...

No! No! No!

I'm going to introduce our guests.

I don't think so. This is the Johnny's Guest of the Week, so...

Oh, no, I'm going to be introducing the guests.

Right, there's only one way to settle this.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah.

Ha-ha! First!

-First to three.

-All right.

Ah!

Yes! I win.

Whoa, you said first to three.

Best of three, clear your ears out. Waxy.

Errr, we're going again, we're going again.

Fine.

Crane!

Crushes rock, destroys scissors and paper.

What you talking about? I was doing bald eagle, bald eagle.

You can't change, you cannot change in the middle. No, you can't.

I didn't change. I was still transitioning, still transitioning.

Crane would stop it anyway.

MIMES CRANE

Bald Eagle! Caw-caw!

Ahem!

Thanks.

Please welcome to the stage!

Us.

Singing Take That as you've never heard it before,

take it away, Jonathan and Charlotte!

# Sei tu

# Che dai

# Luce al cielo

# Tu sei

# La stella

# Che mi abbaglia

# Sei tu

# Non smetter mai

# Non andar via

# Non andar via

# Oh, insieme sopra le nuvole noi

# Stai con me e vedrai

#Che il mondo e nostro

# Se tutto

# Va giu I

# O saro

# Con te

# Se piange

# Il cielo

# Ci saro

# Per te

# Mi dai

# Il respiro

# Non andar via

# Non andar via, oh

# Insieme sopra le nuvole noi

# Stai con me e vedrai

# Che il mondo e nostro

# Noi due ed il sole non serve piu

# Stai con me e saprai

# Che il mondo e nostro

# Ogni stella splendera per te

# Il cielo sembra un fuoco blu

# Per te. #

Now, guys, that was some awesome singing there,

but you know what,

my mum thinks I've got a wicked opera voice as well,

so, you know, have a listen to this see what you think.

# Inelllllll... #

Pretty good, innit?

You could give him a run for his money, I reckon.

Yeah, not bad.

You did get discovered on Britain's Got Talent, right?

So who's your favourite person that you met on that show?

On the show? Favourite person.

Well...

Oh, that's a difficult question

Can I name two people?

Go on.

Ant and Dec.

Oh, yes, Ant and Dec. We loved them. They're cool.

Yeah. Double acts, eh? Who'd have thunk it?

So, may I apologise for Inel causing a scene at the start of this section.

I don't think he's going to be on the show for very long, anyway.

He's not very professional.

But Charlotte, do you ever think that Jonathan

may have been holding you back?

Never. We love working as a duo.

We've got great chemistry, like you guys.

See? Hey-hey!

-Amazing.

-You think so?

Yeah, I'm loving the chemistry. It's wicked.

Thanks, Jonathan. Hey-hey!

Yeah, all right, mate. Calm down.

No need to carry on. Please give it up...

Yeah-yeah!

Let's just both do it, OK?

Please give it up for Jonathan and Charlotte!

On today's Johnny Kyle show, we have Nokio.

He's been accused of skipping school

and stealing from his father Gepetto's workshop.

These accusations Nokio strongly denies.

Well, let's get him on the show, then, shall we, guys?

Nokio!

Basically, yeah, basically, yeah, basically, yeah.

My dad, yeah, he's accusing me of everything. He's a control freak.

He thinks just because he made me, he can control me, like a puppet.

I'm not hassing it! Not having it!

Right.

Well, why don't you sit down, and tell us what really happened?

This is your opportunity to tell the truth!

Well, basically, he thinks I've been skipping school

to take part in a backstreet puppet show.

Rubbish! Why would I do that with moves like I have?

Look, watch this.

See that, see that, see that.

Ready for prime time TV. P-Factor!

Puppets Got Talent!

All of it!

I'm not impressed. Sit down.

Your father Gepetto told our researchers

that you have stolen from him before.

Three times, in fact.

The last one being his special pocket watch.

Rubbish, rubbish!

Those two other times, it was a misunderstanding,

and the last time, he lent it to me, but he just forgot that he did.

Well, he said that you had taken it without his permission.

All right, let's do this.

Lie detector time, Nokio.

Are you ready for this?

We asked Nokio...

Oh!

Whatever! Those results are fixed! They're fixed!

Oh, my gosh! Why would I do a show like that, though?

Why would I, though? Why would I, though?

We also asked Nokio...

HE CRIES

Don't you even dare start crying!

Your father deserves better than this. He's a good man.

Serves him right.

If you want to be treated like a real boy,

why don't you start acting like one?

Get him out of here!

Right. Now that's done, who's next?

Welcome back to the Johnny and Inel Show!

First up, thanks to Johnny for sorting out the titles for me.

Oh, and I believe you'll be needing this.

These are the keys to your exactly-the-same-as-mine

-dressing room.

-Oh, nice!

And I've got to say, it's been nice working with you, man.

It's been nice working with you, too, man. Hey!

BOTH: Batt, batt, batt, batt, boom!

Ah!

The only thing really left is to sort out the end music for the theme.

Oh.

-Have you had any ideas?

-No.

That's great, because I've had one. It goes like this.

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# J-J-J-J, J-J-J-J

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

Say Johnny.

Johnny.

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# And Inel!

# Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny

# Johnny! #

# Iiiiiii-nellll! #

Johnny!

I-i-i-i-i-nel!

Johnny!

Inel!

-Johnny!

-Inel!

-Inel!

-Johnny!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media