Episode 1 The Joke Machine


Episode 1

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Transcript


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Across the UK sightings have been reported

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of a mysterious object in the sky.

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What does it want from us?

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Thousands of children hoping they will be chosen.

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One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.

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He is...

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..The Joke Master.

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Did someone say my name?

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And this is The Joke Machine.

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Joke machine, activate!

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Oh! Joke machine, activate!

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MACHINE RUMBLES

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Where are we going?

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THEY SCREAM

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Let's get cracking, jokers!

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Come on, come on, come on. I want some jokes!

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A guy goes into a restaurant and he says,

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"Waitress, will my pizza be long?"

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And the waitress says,

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"No, sir, it will be round."

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Ha-ha-ha! That's really good. Ah...have I got any pizza here?

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Yay!

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Send in the next one!

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Why are bananas so good at gymnastics?

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Cos they're great at doing the splits.

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-BUZZER

-Oh, that really hurt my funny bone. Get out.

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You creep, get a life!

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Look around, yeah? I've got like a spaceship, yeah?

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That's the best kind of life a man could have!

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Ahh!

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Have fun in the sun.

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Doctor, Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my nose.

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Oh, yes, I can see. Do you want some cream with that?

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You put they OK in joke.

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Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

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Oh, yeah!

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How do you stop from dying?

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Stand in the living room.

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-BUZZER

-So awful!

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You should not be the Joke Master!

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What, who's going to be the Joke Master?

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Cos it sure as heck isn't going to be you.

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Ha-ha-ha!

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I think you've beaten me.

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La-la-la!

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Ah!

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-Start running, buddy.

-It's getting close!

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You can't run fast enough, can you? Ha-ha-ha!

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So much backchat.

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What runs around a field but never moves?

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Don't know.

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A fence.

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Ha-ha, yes! Funny and factual.

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Yes, mate!

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Do the robot, do the robot.

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Jeff though an onion was the only food that could make him cry,

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so they hit him in the head with a coconut.

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-BUZZER

-You've just reported a crime.

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Uf...

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I'll get you.

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Bring me the new class!

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ALL: Oh, yeah!

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One, two, three... Jokes!

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I've got the brand-newest BMW...

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The proper brand-newest...

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My friend has the oldest one. We decided to...

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BOOS

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I put on...

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Next!

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What's Rihanna's favourite fruit?

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Ba-na-na, what's my name?

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Oh, cos it rhymes! It rhymes!

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Yes!

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Cos I love a rhyme.

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What do bunnies like to play?

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Don't know.

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Hopscotch.

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Oh, my Lord, that is bad.

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You are pathetic!

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I'm not pathetic! You know who's...pathetic?

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I...it's not me!

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Ahh!

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Ahh! Who's a good boy?

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What's the hardest key to turn?

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A donkey.

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A donkey, yes!

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Nice entrance.

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-Why is a horse like a wedding?

-I don't know.

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They need a groom.

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-BUZZER

-Well, I'm trying to see the funny, but I just can't see it.

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You wouldn't know funny if it hit your face.

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Grr!

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Next!

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Why is it not ideal to play cards in the jungle?

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Because there are too many "cheetahs."

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-BUZZER

-Yeah, the thing is cheetahs live on the grassland.

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There'd be no need for their speed in the jungle. Get out.

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Hmm... Who is the victor?

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It was...

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You!

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Hamstel Junior!

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ALL: Boo!

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Oh, thumbs down. Oh, I'm scared.

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Some good jokes there, team, but not enough!

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So we're going to have to do this again. Joke you later!

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