Episode 2 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Across the UK... | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:06 | |
What does it want from us? | 0:00:06 | 0:00:07 | |
-Thousands of children... -Hoping they will be chosen. | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:15 | |
He is... | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
The Joke Master. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:19 | |
That's me! | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
And this is The Joke Machine. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:23 | |
Joke machine, activate. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:31 | |
Oh... | 0:00:31 | 0:00:32 | |
Joke machine, activate! | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
MACHINE RUMBLES | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:37 | 0:00:38 | |
ALL: Yay! | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
Make me crack up, you jokesters. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:48 | |
Come on, buddy. Hit me with it. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:52 | |
-Who's the most famous ant? -Don't know. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
Albert Antstein. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
L-O-L-O-L-O-L! | 0:00:56 | 0:01:00 | |
That's a funny joke. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:01 | |
Let's keep it going. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
What did the cross-eyed teacher say to the head teacher? | 0:01:05 | 0:01:08 | |
Don't know. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
I'm struggling to control my pupils. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:12 | |
Ha-ha-ha! | 0:01:12 | 0:01:14 | |
Woo-hoo! | 0:01:15 | 0:01:16 | |
Yay! | 0:01:16 | 0:01:17 | |
Two thumbs up. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
And the hits keep on coming. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:23 | |
What kind of paper likes music? | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
"Rapping" paper. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:27 | |
-BUZZER -Oh, gosh... | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
I do not want to wrap a present in Kanye. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
You stink and I don't like your hair. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
You have a weird face and I don't like it. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
You have no taste in jokes and you are the weirdest person in the world. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
Well, are you finished with that rant? | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
Because first of all, I don't stink. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
I wear deodorant every day! | 0:01:44 | 0:01:45 | |
And I can't remember the other stuff you said, but it's hurtful. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:49 | |
Ha-ha-ha! Ahh! | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
Why did the schoolgirl skip the line? | 0:01:56 | 0:01:59 | |
Because she didn't want to walk it. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:00 | |
-BUZZER -You've just told us | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
a statement, not a joke. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
Next! | 0:02:07 | 0:02:08 | |
Well, I am sick of bad jokes. Make it good. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:13 | |
What do you call a fish with no eyes? | 0:02:13 | 0:02:14 | |
Fsh! | 0:02:14 | 0:02:15 | |
BUZZER | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
The Joke Master has but one wish... | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
That no joke ever mentions fish! | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
Class one, done. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:31 | |
Class two...what have you got? | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
ALL: Birley Spa! | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
Join the joke battle. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
Hit me with your joke, yeah. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
Why was the Egyptian boy confused? | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
Why? | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
Cos his daddy was a mummy. | 0:02:57 | 0:02:58 | |
Funny. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:01 | |
Ooh-ooh! | 0:03:01 | 0:03:04 | |
Next. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:05 | |
Hit me with it. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:08 | |
How you get creases out of superheroes' clothes? | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
Call Iron Man. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:12 | |
-BUZZER -Wow, you didn't hit me | 0:03:12 | 0:03:13 | |
with a funny bone, you just hit me with a bone and it hurt. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:16 | |
You don't know owt about jokes. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
I don't know WHAT about jokes? | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
You don't know owt about jokes. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
Nope... I've no idea what you're saying. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
Tell me your joke. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
Why did the muddy chicken cross the road twice? | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
I don't know. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
Cos it was a dirty double-crosser. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
-BUZZER -At least that muddy chicken | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
had something to stand on... Unlike you! | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
Ahh! | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
Ha-ha-ha. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:43 | |
How do you make a fruit punch? | 0:03:43 | 0:03:46 | |
Give it boxing lessons. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
Ding-ding! Round one to you. That is a great joke. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:52 | |
CHEERING | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
It wasn't that funny. | 0:03:57 | 0:03:58 | |
What has four legs and flies? | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
Dead horse. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:02 | |
-BUZZER -Well, unfortunately for you, | 0:04:02 | 0:04:04 | |
Cupcake's best friend is a dead horse. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:08 | |
Ahh! | 0:04:08 | 0:04:09 | |
He-he-he. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
What do you call a thing that's big, furry, and flies? | 0:04:12 | 0:04:16 | |
A hot-air baboon. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
Ha-ha-ha! Yes, that joke was so good | 0:04:18 | 0:04:22 | |
I'm going to put a dress on it and take it out on a date. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
-Thank you. -That's OK. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
I wonder who won that one. Hmm? | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
It was... | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
Bingo! | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
Birley Spa. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:36 | |
ALL: Boo! | 0:04:38 | 0:04:39 | |
You're out of luck, Newton. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
Oh, some good jokes there, but none of them... | 0:04:43 | 0:04:46 | |
-PHONE RINGS -Excuse me. Hello? | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
Oh, hi, sweetheart. Yeah, I'm almost finished here. OK... | 0:04:49 | 0:04:53 | |
No, you hang up. No, you... She hung up. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
Joke you later, jokesters! | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 |
