Episode 3 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Across the UK, sightings have been reported | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
of a mysterious object in the sky. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:06 | |
What does it want from us? | 0:00:06 | 0:00:07 | |
Thousands of children hoping they will be chosen. | 0:00:07 | 0:00:11 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:16 | |
He is... | 0:00:16 | 0:00:17 | |
..the Joke Master. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
That's my name, don't wear it out. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
And this is the Joke Machine. | 0:00:22 | 0:00:25 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:29 | 0:00:32 | |
MACHINE RUMBLES | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
MACHINE RUMBLES | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
ALL: Yay! | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
Let's get cracking, jokers! | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
Ah, first up. Let's see how it goes. | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
Why did Tigger stick his head down the toilet? | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
Because he was looking for Pooh. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
Double meaning, double funny. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
Hoo-hoo-hoo! | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
Joke it up. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:10 | |
What did the cat say when she looked in the mirror? | 0:01:10 | 0:01:13 | |
Don't know. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
Check me-out. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:16 | |
-BUZZER -Grr! That was so bad. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:20 | |
Oh, get a life, you weirdo. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:23 | |
Tell you what's weird... | 0:01:23 | 0:01:24 | |
All right, double bunches. What have you got? | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
What did Harry Potter say | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
when he saw Ron Weasley playing tennis | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
dressed as the prisoner of Azkaban? | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
"You cannot not be Sirius!" | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
Do you get that, Joke Machine? | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
It was a long set-up, wasn't it? | 0:01:44 | 0:01:45 | |
I thought she was going to read us the whole book. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
-Oh, my gosh, you need to see the doctor. -Why? | 0:01:47 | 0:01:51 | |
Why, has it flared up again? | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
Oh, you tricky trickster. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
How did the chewing gum cross the road? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
Pshh, don't know. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:07 | |
It was stuck to the chicken's claw. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
-BUZZER -Disaster! That is an awful joke. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:13 | |
Ha-ha-ha. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
-Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the toilet? -Why? | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
Cos the "P" is silent. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
-BUZZER -What do you mean? It's like a ninja P? | 0:02:22 | 0:02:25 | |
Well, you're obviously an idiot because you can't spell pterodactyl. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
I do know how to spell it. You don't know how to pronounce it. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
It's p-terodactyl. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
Ahh! | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
Oh, come on. Give me a good one! | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
Things started to get very tense. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
Ha-ha-ha, I love clever jokes! | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
Yay! | 0:02:48 | 0:02:49 | |
New class, new jokes. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
Welcome to the Joke Machine. Now, get joking. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:10 | |
Go, go, go! | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
Why did the potato have a mobile phone? | 0:03:13 | 0:03:17 | |
Go on. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
Just in case onion rings. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:21 | |
That is a good joke! | 0:03:21 | 0:03:22 | |
Yay! | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
Hello, what joke have you got? | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
What's red and smells like blue paint? | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
I don't know, what? | 0:03:32 | 0:03:33 | |
Red paint. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:34 | |
-BUZZER -No...No! | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
Why is England the wettest country? | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
Cos the queen's "reigned" there for years. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
You are the prince of funny. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
Yes! | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
What have you got for me? | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
Why did the cow cross the road? | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
To go to the m-o-o-o-vies. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
Heh-heh, how about you m-o-o-ve along? | 0:03:57 | 0:04:00 | |
Ah! | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
Please be funny. Please be funny. Please be funny. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:04 | |
Did you hear of the man who fell into the upholstery machine? | 0:04:04 | 0:04:08 | |
No, I didn't hear of him. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:09 | |
He's fully re-covered. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
That is a neat joke and I love it. | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
You're quite funny yourself, aren't you? | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
That's really nice of you to say. I don't get many compliments. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
-What did the tonsil say to the other tonsil? -Don't know. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:24 | |
Hurry up, get dressed. The doctor's taking us out tonight. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
Woo-hoo! | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
Yay! | 0:04:29 | 0:04:30 | |
Hmm... Who should win? | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
Um... | 0:04:34 | 0:04:35 | |
You! | 0:04:37 | 0:04:38 | |
Stunning stuff, Spring Hill. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
ALL: Boo! | 0:04:42 | 0:04:43 | |
So, that's what losing feels like. Well, I wouldn't know. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:46 | |
Hoo! Got some good jokes there, didn't we? | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
But me need more ha-ha. Iya-oh! | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
Joke you later! | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 |