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Episode 4 The Joke Machine

Episode 4

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Transcript

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Across the UK sightings have been reported

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of a mysterious object in the sky.

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What does it want from us?

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Thousands of children

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hoping they will be chosen.

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One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.

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He is...

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..The Joke Master.

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That's me!

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And this is The Joke Machine.

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Joke Machine, activate!

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PARRRP!

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I've not been well.

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Joke Machine, activate.

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MACHINE BUZZES

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Where are we going?

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-THEY SHOUT:

-Gabalfa Primary, Landaff North!

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Let's get these jokers cracking up.

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BELL DINGS Where am I?

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Calm down, you're in the right place.

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Why am I here?

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Well, you're here to tell a joke, not to crochet.

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-Why was the boy carrying a ladder?

-I don't know.

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To go to high school.

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-CHILDREN SHOUT:

-Boo!

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Ew-ew.

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You know what? This is stupid.

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I want to get out of here.

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This is just a stupid place.

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I'll help you get out of here.

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What have you got for me?

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What do prisoners use to call each other?

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"Cell" phones.

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Faaantastic!

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BELL DINGS

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APPLAUSE Yes!

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I like that joke. I like that joke.

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Guys, guys, I like that joke.

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What did the man say when he walked into the bar?

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"Ouch!"

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-That is mind-numbingly bad.

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Well, you obviously don't tell jokes in your spare time.

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What do you do like doing?

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Playing football.

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What position do play?

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Goalkeeper.

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Yeah? Well, catch this.

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Ha-ha.

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Grr!

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Ha-ha-ha-ha.

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Please tell me your joke.

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I was in class one day,

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and I put my hand up,

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and the teacher said, "What is it, Maysha?"

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I said, "Well,

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"would I get told off if I haven't done anything?"

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The teacher said, "Well, of course not."

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Then I said, "Good, cos I haven't done my homework."

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Your homework for this was to tell a funny joke.

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Rr-rr!

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Ah!

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It's the last one from your class, make it count.

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Pupil - "I don't think I deserve zero on this test."

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Teacher - "I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you."

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HE LAUGHS

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APPLAUSE

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Yes!

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Yes!

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Bring in the next victims...I mean jokers.

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-THEY SHOUT:

-Ashcombe Primary. Awesome!

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Let's get me some new jokes.

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Well, a prisoner after many years is released from jail,

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and he runs around, saying, "I'm free! I'm free!"

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And a little boy walks up to him and says, "So what? I'm four."

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Eh-eh.

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BOOS Oh, what are you doing?

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Rubby-rubby-rubby-rubby.

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No! Ow!

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Rubby-rubby-rubby.

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Rub-rub-rub-rub-rub-rub.

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Ah. Give it to me.

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Mum - "Shall I put the kettle on?"

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Dad - "No, I prefer the dress you're wearing."

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Cos the Mum...she said to get... And then...

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thought the drink of...

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Ha-ha-ha-ha! Yes!

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MACHINE DINGS Yes!

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Joke-jokey-jokey-joke-joke.

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More, more, more!

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Why didn't the sun go to college?

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Because it already had a million degrees.

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Negative funny.

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Joke it up.

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Teacher - "If I had one trifle on Monday, two trifles on Tuesday

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and three on Wednesday, what would I have on Thursday?"

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And the pupil says, "The biggest tummy ache in the world."

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-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Well that would be

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a "trifle" annoying."

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Argh!

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This will be a good one. I can feel it in my bones.

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-What did zero say to the number eight?

-I don't know.

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Nice belt.

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That is a "belter"!

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APPLAUSE Whoop, yay!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Why do tigers have stripes?

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So that they can't be spotted.

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That is funny!

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Yes! I love you.

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Whoa! Back off, lady.

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We've only just met.

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What have you got, champ?

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What would you get if you cross

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a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?

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A-cocke-poodle-doo.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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APPLAUSE

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I'm taking that joke as my own, it's that funny.

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Ah, thanks!

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Hm...who is the victor?

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-It was...

-DRUMROLLS

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You!

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-THEY SHOUT:

-Yeah!

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Ashcombe!

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-THEY SHOUT:

-Boo!

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Gutted, Gabalfa.

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Whoo! Some good jokes there

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but I need more.

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So see you again.

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Joke you later!

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