1. Home
  2. Children's
  3. The Joke Machine
  4. Episode 5

Episode 5 The Joke Machine

Episode 5

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Episode 5. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript

LineFromTo

'Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.'

0:00:020:00:05

'What does it want from us? Thousands of children...'

0:00:050:00:08

'Hoping they will be chosen.'

0:00:080:00:10

One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.

0:00:100:00:15

He is...

0:00:150:00:17

The Joke Master.

0:00:170:00:19

Did someone say my name?

0:00:190:00:22

And THIS is The Joke Machine.

0:00:220:00:24

Joke Machine activate!

0:00:280:00:31

HE COUGHS AND GAGS

0:00:310:00:32

Joke Machine! Activate!

0:00:330:00:36

ELECTRONIC WHIRRING AND BEEPING

0:00:360:00:37

Where are we going?

0:00:380:00:40

CHILDREN CHEER

0:00:410:00:42

Make me crack up, you Jokesters!

0:00:480:00:50

Go for it. Good luck.

0:00:510:00:53

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

0:00:530:00:56

Because he was a fungi.

0:00:560:00:58

DENIED!

0:00:580:00:59

Oh, zip it, you got no sense of humour, man.

0:00:590:01:02

Uh, you can zip it,

0:01:020:01:03

because the sense of humour is coming out of my pores, sister.

0:01:030:01:07

ELEPHANT ROARS

0:01:070:01:09

Oh, what have you got?

0:01:090:01:10

Why do saltwater crocodiles live in saltwater?

0:01:100:01:12

Why?

0:01:120:01:13

Because pepper makes them sneeze.

0:01:130:01:16

HE SNEEZES

0:01:160:01:17

Ugh, I am allergic to bad jokes.

0:01:170:01:20

You have a pea brain about jokes.

0:01:200:01:22

Did you just say I've got a pea brain about jokes?!

0:01:220:01:25

Ahhh!

0:01:250:01:27

That's a weird thing to say.

0:01:270:01:30

This better not be a bad one.

0:01:300:01:31

If you're American when you go in the toilet and you're American

0:01:310:01:34

when you go out the toilet, what are you when you're doing the toilet?

0:01:340:01:38

What?

0:01:380:01:39

European, of course!

0:01:390:01:41

I didn't see it coming!

0:01:410:01:42

Yes! Whoo!

0:01:420:01:45

Go for it, maestro.

0:01:450:01:46

Why are pirates pirates?

0:01:460:01:48

Cos they arrrrrrr.

0:01:480:01:50

You've got to give it some urrrrrrgh.

0:01:500:01:53

Shut your big mouth.

0:01:530:01:55

I've got an average size mouth, thank you.

0:01:550:01:58

GIRL SCREAMS

0:02:000:02:01

Make it good.

0:02:010:02:02

Why did the Cyclops quit being a teacher?

0:02:020:02:05

Cos he only had one pupil.

0:02:050:02:07

Now let me think.

0:02:070:02:08

Next!

0:02:100:02:11

Please tell me your joke.

0:02:130:02:15

I was in the milk and cheese shop the other day, and the guy starts

0:02:150:02:18

throwing around the milk and cheese, and I thought, "How dare he?"

0:02:180:02:22

JOKE MASTER CHUCKLES Yes!

0:02:220:02:24

(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) How dare you? Well done.

0:02:240:02:27

Yeeeeaaah!

0:02:270:02:29

Is that a celebration or should I call an ambulance?

0:02:290:02:32

Come to me, Class Two, for I need jokes.

0:02:340:02:37

CHILDREN CHEER

0:02:430:02:44

Joke time!

0:02:490:02:52

Why did the boy bring a stick of butter to the wedding?

0:02:520:02:54

I don't know, why?

0:02:540:02:55

He heard you had to toast the bride and groom.

0:02:550:02:57

Eh-eh!

0:02:570:02:59

You shouldn't be called the Joke Master,

0:02:590:03:00

you should be called the Dumb Master.

0:03:000:03:02

Dumb Master? How about the Hammer Master?

0:03:020:03:06

Please make this a funny one.

0:03:080:03:10

What do you get if you cross a sea with a computer?

0:03:100:03:13

A brainwave.

0:03:130:03:15

Computers and water is a bad idea! But as a joke, it's great!

0:03:150:03:20

Well, thank you.

0:03:200:03:21

Awww. There's those British manners I've heard all about.

0:03:210:03:24

Knock, knock.

0:03:240:03:25

Who's there?

0:03:250:03:26

Boo hoo.

0:03:260:03:27

Boo hoo who?

0:03:270:03:29

Sorry, I made you cry.

0:03:290:03:31

I'm only crying tears of joy!

0:03:310:03:33

CHEERING

0:03:330:03:34

DING!

0:03:340:03:36

Tell me a joke.

0:03:380:03:39

Who's that?

0:03:390:03:41

It's the Joke Master.

0:03:410:03:42

What duck steals things?

0:03:420:03:43

I don't know.

0:03:430:03:45

A robber ducky.

0:03:450:03:46

I got one in my bath! Ha-ha!

0:03:460:03:48

Whoo!

0:03:480:03:49

Whoo-hoo!

0:03:490:03:50

Why are waiters so good at tennis?

0:03:500:03:53

Because they're good at serving.

0:03:530:03:55

You know what that joke did? It made me smile.

0:03:550:03:58

Yeah!

0:03:590:04:01

NONSENSICAL VOCALISING

0:04:010:04:03

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa!

0:04:050:04:07

Good joke ruined by the dancing. See you!

0:04:070:04:10

SPLAT!

0:04:100:04:12

Send the next Jokester in, please.

0:04:120:04:14

Why didn't the zombie cross the road?

0:04:140:04:16

I don't know, why?

0:04:160:04:18

Cos it didn't have the guts for it.

0:04:180:04:20

Oh! My brain exploded, that was so unfunny.

0:04:200:04:24

That's just false information.

0:04:240:04:26

Well, how about you talk back to Cupcake.

0:04:260:04:29

HE SCREAMS

0:04:290:04:30

ANIMAL SCREECHES

0:04:300:04:31

Next!

0:04:310:04:33

What do you get from nervous cows?

0:04:330:04:34

Milkshake.

0:04:340:04:35

You know what's funny when it shakes?

0:04:350:04:37

BOY GIGGLES

0:04:380:04:40

Hmm. Who was the victor?

0:04:410:04:45

It was...

0:04:450:04:46

DRUM ROLL

0:04:460:04:47

..you.

0:04:470:04:48

Bournemouth Park.

0:04:480:04:50

CHILDREN CHEER

0:04:500:04:51

Try harder next time, St Margaret's.

0:04:540:04:56

CHILDREN: Booo!

0:04:560:04:57

Some good jokes there, team. But not enough!

0:04:580:05:01

So we're going to have to do this again. Joke you later!

0:05:010:05:05

ROCKET ENGINE REVS

0:05:070:05:09

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS