Episode 6 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
'Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.' | 0:35:02 | 0:35:05 | |
'What does it want from us? Thousands of children...' | 0:35:05 | 0:35:09 | |
'Hoping they will be chosen.' | 0:35:09 | 0:35:11 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:35:11 | 0:35:16 | |
He is... | 0:35:16 | 0:35:17 | |
..The Joke Master. | 0:35:18 | 0:35:20 | |
That's me! | 0:35:20 | 0:35:21 | |
And THIS is The Joke Machine. | 0:35:21 | 0:35:24 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:35:27 | 0:35:30 | |
LOUD THUD | 0:35:30 | 0:35:32 | |
Joke Machine activate? | 0:35:34 | 0:35:36 | |
ELECTRONIC WHIRRING AND BEEPING | 0:35:37 | 0:35:39 | |
Where are we going? | 0:35:39 | 0:35:40 | |
CHILDREN CHEER | 0:35:43 | 0:35:44 | |
CHILDREN: Whooooa! | 0:35:47 | 0:35:48 | |
Let's get cracking, Jokers! | 0:35:50 | 0:35:53 | |
DING! DING! | 0:35:53 | 0:35:54 | |
Bring on the joke train! | 0:35:54 | 0:35:56 | |
What do you call a flock that flies in formation? | 0:35:56 | 0:35:59 | |
Hm, don't know. | 0:35:59 | 0:36:01 | |
The Red Sparrows. | 0:36:01 | 0:36:02 | |
Is that even a joke? | 0:36:02 | 0:36:04 | |
Well, you haven't heard a proper joke. | 0:36:04 | 0:36:07 | |
CRUMBLING ROCKS | 0:36:07 | 0:36:08 | |
Bring in the next one! | 0:36:11 | 0:36:12 | |
Did you hear about the lorry load of tortoises crashing into | 0:36:12 | 0:36:16 | |
that trailer load of terrapins? | 0:36:16 | 0:36:18 | |
It was a turtle disaster. | 0:36:18 | 0:36:21 | |
And that is a turtle success! | 0:36:21 | 0:36:24 | |
CHEERING | 0:36:24 | 0:36:25 | |
Next joke. | 0:36:25 | 0:36:27 | |
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? | 0:36:27 | 0:36:29 | |
Don't know. | 0:36:29 | 0:36:30 | |
In case he got a hole in one. | 0:36:30 | 0:36:32 | |
Oh, that is so bad I can't even look at you. | 0:36:32 | 0:36:35 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:36:37 | 0:36:39 | |
Nice twirl. | 0:36:41 | 0:36:42 | |
When's a baby best at playing basketball? | 0:36:42 | 0:36:45 | |
I don't know, when? | 0:36:45 | 0:36:46 | |
When it's dribbling. | 0:36:46 | 0:36:48 | |
Aw, that was bad! Oh, that was bad! | 0:36:48 | 0:36:50 | |
You're meant to be a Joke Master? | 0:36:50 | 0:36:52 | |
You're not very good at seeing what's funny. | 0:36:52 | 0:36:56 | |
Next! | 0:36:58 | 0:36:59 | |
Why do spiders like the internet? | 0:36:59 | 0:37:01 | |
Watching BBC iPlayer? | 0:37:01 | 0:37:03 | |
Because of all the websites. | 0:37:03 | 0:37:05 | |
CHEERING | 0:37:05 | 0:37:06 | |
Good joke, my friend. | 0:37:07 | 0:37:10 | |
HE CHEERS | 0:37:10 | 0:37:12 | |
Oh, please make this a good one. | 0:37:12 | 0:37:14 | |
If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, | 0:37:14 | 0:37:16 | |
how long would it take four men? | 0:37:16 | 0:37:19 | |
No time at all, the wall's already built. | 0:37:19 | 0:37:21 | |
KLAXON | 0:37:21 | 0:37:22 | |
Here's my wall of... | 0:37:22 | 0:37:24 | |
not funny. | 0:37:24 | 0:37:26 | |
HE GRUNTS | 0:37:26 | 0:37:27 | |
Stop trying to break my floor! | 0:37:27 | 0:37:29 | |
I don't care! | 0:37:29 | 0:37:30 | |
Bring me the new class! | 0:37:36 | 0:37:38 | |
CHILDREN CHEER | 0:37:44 | 0:37:45 | |
OK, Class Two, am I buying what you're selling, hmm? | 0:37:51 | 0:37:55 | |
Mmm! I want more jokes! | 0:37:58 | 0:38:00 | |
What's the most dangerous Christmas decoration? | 0:38:00 | 0:38:03 | |
I don't know. | 0:38:03 | 0:38:04 | |
Missile-toe. | 0:38:04 | 0:38:06 | |
OK, I'm going to say that's funny, because I'm a little bit | 0:38:06 | 0:38:09 | |
scared of you, so all the best for the future, mate! | 0:38:09 | 0:38:12 | |
Thank you. Same with you, Joke Master. | 0:38:12 | 0:38:15 | |
Next! | 0:38:15 | 0:38:16 | |
What did the police say to his tummy? | 0:38:16 | 0:38:19 | |
"You're under a vest." | 0:38:19 | 0:38:21 | |
Bo-woop! Not funny. | 0:38:21 | 0:38:23 | |
You are SUCH the baddest person I've ever met in the world. | 0:38:23 | 0:38:27 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:38:31 | 0:38:33 | |
This better not be a bad one. | 0:38:33 | 0:38:35 | |
Where do frogs keep their money? | 0:38:35 | 0:38:37 | |
In the river bank. | 0:38:37 | 0:38:39 | |
Yes! I'd hate to rob it! | 0:38:39 | 0:38:41 | |
Yay! | 0:38:41 | 0:38:42 | |
CHEERING | 0:38:42 | 0:38:44 | |
Ah, cos... Cos you'd get wet. | 0:38:44 | 0:38:45 | |
Why did the jelly baby go to school? | 0:38:45 | 0:38:47 | |
I don't know! | 0:38:47 | 0:38:49 | |
Because he wanted to be a Smartie! | 0:38:49 | 0:38:51 | |
All sweeties want to be Smarties! | 0:38:51 | 0:38:53 | |
HE VOCALISES NONSENSICALLY | 0:38:53 | 0:38:55 | |
Ooh, I'm looking forward to this one. | 0:38:57 | 0:38:59 | |
Hit me with it. | 0:39:00 | 0:39:01 | |
Two fish were in a tank, and one said to the other, | 0:39:01 | 0:39:04 | |
"Do you know how to drive this thing?" | 0:39:04 | 0:39:05 | |
KLAXON | 0:39:05 | 0:39:07 | |
ELECTRONIC WHIRRING | 0:39:07 | 0:39:08 | |
Did you say "fish"? | 0:39:08 | 0:39:10 | |
Did she say "fish"? | 0:39:10 | 0:39:11 | |
Did you say "fish"? | 0:39:11 | 0:39:13 | |
Did she say "fish"? | 0:39:13 | 0:39:15 | |
You said "fish"! | 0:39:15 | 0:39:16 | |
SHE GAGS AND COUGHS | 0:39:17 | 0:39:19 | |
JOKE MASTER LAUGHS | 0:39:19 | 0:39:21 | |
SHE GAGS AND COUGHS | 0:39:22 | 0:39:23 | |
THUD | 0:39:23 | 0:39:24 | |
Hmm. Who was the victor? | 0:39:25 | 0:39:28 | |
It was... | 0:39:28 | 0:39:30 | |
DRUM ROLL | 0:39:30 | 0:39:31 | |
..you. | 0:39:31 | 0:39:32 | |
CHILDREN SCREAM | 0:39:32 | 0:39:33 | |
Sullivan Upper! | 0:39:33 | 0:39:35 | |
CHILDREN: Boooooo! | 0:39:36 | 0:39:37 | |
Dry your eyes, kids. | 0:39:37 | 0:39:39 | |
BOOING CONTINUES | 0:39:39 | 0:39:40 | |
Woooo! Got some good jokes there. But I need more! | 0:39:42 | 0:39:48 | |
So I'll see you again. | 0:39:48 | 0:39:49 | |
Joke you later, jokesters! | 0:39:49 | 0:39:51 | |
ROCKET ENGINE REVS | 0:39:53 | 0:39:54 |