Escape The Legend of Dick and Dom


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In the kingdom of Fyredor, a vile villain called

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the Beastmaster spread a plague that turned the citizens into beasts.

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Their only hope lay with Princes Dick and Dom,

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their trusty mage Mannitol and light-fingered servant Lutin.

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-They fought aganist evil voodoo...

-Woodoo!

-Woodoo?

-Woodoo!

-You do!

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..collected the disgusting hag puss...

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..and even journeyed to the very centre of Bottom World,

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all to prepare an antidote to cure the plague.

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Before they made it home, they were captured by the Beastmaster.

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Transported to his evil lair,

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they were imprisoned, possibly tortured

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and definitely given some very iffy food.

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With time running out, there is seemingly no hope of escape

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or of a return to Fyredor with the cure.

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The legend of Dick and Dom continues!

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Escape from my lair is impossible.

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This place has three perimeter fences, six dozen guards

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and a very infrequent bus service.

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-So you will never leave. That is, unless you decide to talk.

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No! We'll never tell you where the antidote is,

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and you'll never find it!

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But of course. Prisoner Plank, lunchtime!

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Oh, yum yum yum yum yum yum!

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Yummy yum!

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Oh! I thought I would join you.

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Erm, yes, Plank? On the table.

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Oh, right, yes, OK.

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Not you, you idiot, the platter! Oh, yes. Sorry, master.

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Such an obedient prisoner.

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If you'd follow his example,

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then perhaps chef would provide you with something more edible!

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You'll never break us that easily, Beastmaster. Right, team?

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As you wish. Budgie! This is one of my trained budgies of death.

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When I release it, it will land on your head,

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cling on with its tiny claws and then explode.

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Bang.

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What's that, Bobby? What? I don't care if you don't want to explode.

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It's in your job description. Deal with it.

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Last chance. Where is the antidote?

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As you wish.

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Go on, Bobby. Go on, Bobby! Ah!

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That's the way you want to crumble the cookie, is it? This isn't over!

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There are ways of making you squawk!

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Bwch, bwch, bwch!

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We'd better move it again. The Beastmaster's getting too close.

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Brother, put this in your secret shoe compartment.

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I didn't realise I had a secret shoe compartment.

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-That's why it's secret.

-Oh!

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We need to get out of here before he finds it and before you

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realise you're eating horse-spit soup.

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-No, no, no, I need that for Fernando!

-Who?

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Fernando, my pet ferret.

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The strangest thing - I woke up this morning,

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and I found him asleep in my pocket.

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I think it likes me.

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And I also think in this cold, unforgiving jail,

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Fernando's the only one who understands me.

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-And this morning, look, he made a special raisin.

-Oh, look!

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-No, no, no, no, no, no, no pets!

-What harm can he do?

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Well, there's the smell to start, and then the noise, and the...

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-Oh! Oh, please, Mannitol!

-Nonsense! Fernando does not have the...

-Oh.

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Me back! Back, back, back! Do me back. Somebody do me back!

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I need to scratch it. Scratch it. Oh!

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Oh, please!

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Weird.

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What's this?

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-Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

-Yep, flea powder.

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Oh!

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And so, slowly but surely, they started to dig.

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It was tough, sweaty work,

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almost as tough as sitting here in my slippers reading this stuff.

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But they knew that Fyredor was utterly doomed

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unless they returned with the antidote,

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so dig they did. Their small dent soon became a small hole.

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The small hole grew into a bigger hole.

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And eventually, the big hole became a tunnel.

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-No, no, no, you're missing the bucket.

-Oh, OK.

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Ow! No, put the soil in the bucket!

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-Oh! So don't do it like this.

-Agh! No!

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So definitely don't do it like this.

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Agh! I said no! Right, that's it.

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Worms in your face, worms in your face!

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< Come here!

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-I can hear you. Keep it down.

-Sorry!

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It's hard enough trying to sleep as it is with him going on.

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You've been a good boy, haven't you, Fernando?

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Time to give daddy a good-night kiss.

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Remember, Mannitol, if you see anybody coming, give a clear sign.

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Right. Clear sign. Erm, what about...

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Maybe just a cough.

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-Hm?

-Right.

-Yes.

-HE COUGHS

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HE COUGHS AGAIN

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Was that a cough or a cough?

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-I think it was a cough.

-Cough!

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-Cough!

-Quick, someone's coming!

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OK.

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-Phew, that was close!

-Thank goodness.

-Where's Dick?

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Right! Roll call!

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Get in line, scum!

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-Lutin!

-Yep.

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Manifold?

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-Yes. Yes. Prince Dom?

-Yes.

-And Prince Dick.

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-Prince Dick! Yes! Oh, right.

-Yes?

-Eh? What's that?

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Er, that was me. I love the word "yes". Makes me feel more positive.

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Well, don't! You're meant to be miserable!

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-What's going on?

-What was that? That was me, that was me.

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Erm, I wanted to know what was going on. I get confused.

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You know what's going on! I'm doing a roll call! Eh?

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How many prisoners are normally in this cell?

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Three.

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Four! Four! I've caught you, ain't I? I've caught you! One, two, four!

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Oh.

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I know you lot are up to something. I'm watching you. Got my eye on you!

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-Ohhh!

-What's going on?

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You'll have us all caught, standing round like that.

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Eyeball of toad, lips of fish, wig of granny.

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It is finished, my finest potion yet, a truth potion.

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If they will not tell me where the antidote is, then I will make them.

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I am an animal!

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Fire!

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Yes! Ooh! Oh! Ooh, it's hot, it's hot! Hot!

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Oooh, ah! It ain't 'alf hot!

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After many hours of digging, the tunnel was well under way.

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But the problem with digging a hundred yards of tunnel

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is a hundred yards of dirt.

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Recreation time! Have fun!

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This prison food is very, very filling.

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-Oh, yes, I've been shovelling it in.

-Yes, best do some exercise!

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Get in a line!

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-Good afternoon, Princes.

-Afte... Oh.

-You're all filthy. What is this?

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Looks like you've been digging a tunnel or something.

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Preposterous!

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Escape is impossible unless you tell me where that antidote is. Never.

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Interesting!

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You see, I think you will tell me

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once you've had a little drop of this

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truth potion.

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-He's lying.

-What? Why would I lie?

-Well, how do we know you're not?

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Well, you don't. But I'm not. It's a truth potion.

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Oh, yeah, but how do we know that?

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Well, if, er...

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I mean, you expect us

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to believe that you're clever enough to have made that?!

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- Pull the other one! - Yes, what a likely story.

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He's having us on.

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-What? I did make it! I did! I am a master alchemist.

-Liar!

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-I'm not!

-Are!

-Not!

-Are, are, are, no returns.

-Yeah.

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Shut up, shut up, shut up! I will prove it.

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This is definitely a truth potion. Ha!

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If I was lying, how could I say that?

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Agh! I don't believe it! You sly little...

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Get them back in their cells!

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Yes, Your Majesty.

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- Get back! Get back! - Days of work ruined!

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-What was your nickname at school?

-Buffalo-Bum Face.

-See?

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It does work!

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MANNITOL SOBS

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-Oh, come on, Mannitol.

-Why don't you help us dig? It'll cheer you up.

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Oh, yeah, join the party. We're loving it... It won't help.

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My life has ceased to have meaning since Fernando ran away.

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-He'll come back.

-I doubt it. Would you? To this place?

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One minute he was in my pocket, the next he was gone. Not all of him.

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Look, there are other ferrets, yeah?

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He just wasn't any other ferret, was he?

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Fernando was my sole companion in a hostile world.

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And he made a lovely little pillow, too.

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Shhh! What was that?

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Obviously some kind of metal barrier placed here by the Beastmaster

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to stop us escaping.

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How do you know that?

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Look!

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Perfect!

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- Guard, I've lost something. - Good!

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Yes, but we have to cut through the metal,

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and spoons aren't sharp enough.

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-Oh!

-If only we had some sort of drill.

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-Hey, hey!

-What?

-You work in the kitchens, don't you?

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Do you use anything sharp?

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No, nothing. And if we did, I couldn't tell.

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They're watching us all the time.

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No, no, no, no, no, his name is Fernando. You might have seen him.

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Or smelt him. No.

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-It's OK, Blinky's not looking.

-You're Plank, right?

-Er, yes, Plank.

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-Yeah.

-Nice to meet you. I'm Prince Dom.

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-Prince Dick.

-Oh, hello, Prince Dom, and hello, Prince - hic!

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-No, no, no, it's Dick.

-Hic!

-No, no, it's...

-I know what it is.

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It's just - hic! - y'see, when I get nervous, I can't - hic!

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Stop hiccuping. Hic! Hic! Hic!

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Here, breathe in.

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-Better?

-Oh - hic! Yeah.

-We've got a problem.

-Oh. What's that there?

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Oh, well, er, I'm an inventor, y'see. I invent things.

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-But you're probably not interested.

-Oh, yeah, I'd love to see it!

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Er, well, it's only a prototype. It's a mechanical nose picker.

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-The Bogeymatic 500.

-That's amazing! Twice the snot of a regular finger.

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Do you think you might be able to invent something for us?

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Something special?

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No. We're not allowed to make anything... Hic! ..Anything naughty.

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Otherwise the Beastmaster will be angry.

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Just we need you to make us a massive drill to help us escape.

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Hic! Hic! Hic!

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Take that as a no.

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We have to make Plank listen.

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We've got to get him to build us that drill.

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Plank...

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-Plank! We really need your help, please.

-You just eat your soup.

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Leave me out of this. That's your lot for today, Sir.

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I'm just sick of this. When are we going to get any luck?

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All that digging and for what? Nothing! I know.

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I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But what can we do?

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I feel the same.

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I mean pull it together, we are princes!

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Oh, you're just being a bit over-dramatic now.

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-Are you all right, Prince Dick?

-Brother? Brother!

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-Blimey! What was that soup?

-Cog a leakie by the look of it.

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-Oh, mine's the same.

-Hang on, what's this?

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It's from Plank. I think he's going to help us.

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Lutin, I think I may need you to acquire some goods.

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MUSIC: Colonel Bogey

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Hey, you!

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-Are you OK, OK?

-We're ready to leave in five minutes.

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You know the plan, we have to put it...

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Put it in Blinky's tea when he's not looking. Right. Five minutes.

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Good luck! Positions everyone.

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Ah, buffalo bum face.

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My patience has worn thin, prisoners.

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I know the antidote is here so one of you is going to come with me

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and have a little chat.

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But which one will it be? Eenie, Meanie, Miney...

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What's that, snakey?

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What? Oh, take the old man? He's the weakest.

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Yes, very good my slithery friend. Have a meaty treaty.

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Ooh, yum, yum, yum. Saucy sauce, saucy sauce. Waste of time!

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Bad luck, baldy.

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This time I'm going to make you tell me where the antidote is.

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No amount of torturing will make me tell you anything.

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Oh, who said anything about torturing you?

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-Please don't hurt my little friend.

-Oh, come come, grandad.

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-10 minutes before he blabs.

-No!

-Two.

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This is a pure crystal.

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It has the unique ability to remove your magical powers.

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-So, where is the antidote?

-You won't get a peep out of me.

-Fine!

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Where is the antidote? So, you're not talking either, eh?

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Your bond with your creature is strong, old wizard,

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but you friendship is also your weakness.

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I won't ask again, where is the antidote?

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I thought you said you weren't going to ask again?

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I grow tired of these games.

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Let's start with something really nasty, shall we?

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-Shampoo.

-Oh no, not that, he hates that. He hates being clean.

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-Then tell me or it's Fernando's bath time.

-I shan't!

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Oh, still need convincing? Then let's raise the stakes, shall we?

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Plenty facial spray. Ooh, lemony fresh,

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imagine how his whiskers will shine.

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You wouldn't! You beast! I won't tell you anything!

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Oh, we'll see about that.

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Mannitol would want us to leave without him.

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The Beastmaster will think it was that snake.

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OK, I've done it.

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Blinky's asleep outside and I've got the keys.

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Right, so that's it decided. We've got no choice. We have to leave now.

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-We'll come back for Mannitol, yeah?

-All right.

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That looks like an escape tunnel to me.

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Can I come with you, please?

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I don't like it in here. I think I'd rather be a vet.

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Hey, of course you can come with us.

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So long as you don't do that weird eye thing. Come on, let's go.

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That's very odd. I could have sworn I tampered with his tea.

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What?!

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-Oh, no! Dick!

-Can you hear his cries? I speak fluent ferret.

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He's pleading with you, he's saying,

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"Please tell the nice man where the antidote is.

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"Let him now quickly, please. No more lavender soap."

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He smells so fresh... No! I won't!

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Then you leave me with no choice.

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Nothing left of him to wash, anyway.

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So blab or he will face the ultimate treatment.

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Don't take his fleas. Anything but that!

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All right! All right!

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-It's hidden in Prince Dick's shoe.

-There!

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That wasn't so difficult, was it?

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LOUD DRILLING NOISES

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-How much longer?

-Nearly there!

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-I'll go and find the others!

-OK!

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-Why are we still shouting?

-I don't know!

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Dick, wake up!

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Bacon. Toast.

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Yesterday's beef!

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-Bacon!

-Come on, we're almost through.

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Why can't he be the one who sleepwalks?

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Right! Shoes off everyone.

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Wake up!

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Wake a second. Four people sleeping.

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Sneaky.

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Oy! Ah!

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Blinky!

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Get them!

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Oh no, they've found us!

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This is where the sewerage comes down.

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It makes a brilliant escape route.

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Oh yeah, just peachy(!)

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-Might come back on my holidays.

-Mmm! I'm well full of chocolate.

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No! Not chocolate.

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Shh!

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DISTANT CRIES

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Did you hear that?

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You or that person shouting up there?

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-< Let me out!

-Mannitol!

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< Up here! Somebody!

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Lutin, you've got a loud voice.

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MANNITOL!

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Come, Fernando.

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Take my hand.

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Oh, drat! We're leaving.

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Geronimo!

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Agh!

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Sorry to drop in like this.

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There you are. Fernando! Oh!

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I promised you I wouldn't let you down. There you are.

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All nice and dirty again.

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Do you mind? I feel sick enough already, thanks.

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-They've broken through. Agh!

-Quickly!

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Through a mile of muck-splattered, brown-coloured, foul-stinking

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quag-encrusted, sweetcorn-flecked pipes,

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they dragged themselves to freedom.

0:25:460:25:49

I do hope they wash they hands!

0:25:490:25:52

Agh!

0:25:530:25:55

We're out!

0:25:590:26:01

The road home at last!

0:26:020:26:04

The sweet smell of freedom!

0:26:070:26:11

-Urgh!

-Or is that the sewer?

0:26:110:26:12

Well, well, well.

0:26:120:26:14

That's what I call a royal flush!

0:26:140:26:17

Blinky, I'm disappointed in you!

0:26:170:26:20

After all, you're my number two!

0:26:200:26:23

Quite literally it seems.

0:26:230:26:26

The antidote. Hand it over!

0:26:380:26:42

Thank you.

0:26:430:26:45

So much easier while you're still human.

0:26:450:26:48

-What?

-Look, no! You've got all you need.

0:26:480:26:51

Please, just let us go.

0:26:510:26:52

And watch you go and make another potion?! Not this time, Princes.

0:26:520:26:57

I am an animal!

0:26:570:26:59

What? I am king of the beasts.

0:27:010:27:05

I command you to....

0:27:050:27:08

-I've got the vial.

-Leg it!

0:27:080:27:10

Ooh, agh! Get off me!

0:27:100:27:16

He won't walk straight for days.

0:27:160:27:18

I suppose Fernando's where he's happiest. Up a trouser leg!

0:27:180:27:22

Yeah, and at least we've still got

0:27:220:27:23

lots of things to remember him by.

0:27:230:27:25

Look!

0:27:250:27:28

'Our heroes were safe - for now!

0:27:280:27:31

'But Fyredor, their home, was so may miles away and the Beastmaster

0:27:310:27:35

'would soon be hot on their trail.

0:27:350:27:37

'Who knows what perils lie ahead?

0:27:370:27:40

'The legend of Dick and Dom continues.'

0:27:400:27:45

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

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