Escape The Legend of Dick and Dom

In the kingdom of Fyredor, a vile villain called

the Beastmaster spread a plague that turned the citizens into beasts.

Their only hope lay with Princes Dick and Dom,

their trusty mage Mannitol and light-fingered servant Lutin.

-They fought aganist evil voodoo...

-Woodoo!

-Woodoo?

-Woodoo!

-You do!

..collected the disgusting hag puss...

..and even journeyed to the very centre of Bottom World,

all to prepare an antidote to cure the plague.

Before they made it home, they were captured by the Beastmaster.

Transported to his evil lair,

they were imprisoned, possibly tortured

and definitely given some very iffy food.

With time running out, there is seemingly no hope of escape

or of a return to Fyredor with the cure.

The legend of Dick and Dom continues!

Escape from my lair is impossible.

This place has three perimeter fences, six dozen guards

and a very infrequent bus service.

-So you will never leave. That is, unless you decide to talk.

No! We'll never tell you where the antidote is,

and you'll never find it!

But of course. Prisoner Plank, lunchtime!

Oh, yum yum yum yum yum yum!

Yummy yum!

Oh! I thought I would join you.

Erm, yes, Plank? On the table.

Oh, right, yes, OK.

Not you, you idiot, the platter! Oh, yes. Sorry, master.

Such an obedient prisoner.

If you'd follow his example,

then perhaps chef would provide you with something more edible!

You'll never break us that easily, Beastmaster. Right, team?

As you wish. Budgie! This is one of my trained budgies of death.

When I release it, it will land on your head,

cling on with its tiny claws and then explode.

Bang.

What's that, Bobby? What? I don't care if you don't want to explode.

It's in your job description. Deal with it.

Last chance. Where is the antidote?

As you wish.

Go on, Bobby. Go on, Bobby! Ah!

That's the way you want to crumble the cookie, is it? This isn't over!

There are ways of making you squawk!

Bwch, bwch, bwch!

We'd better move it again. The Beastmaster's getting too close.

Brother, put this in your secret shoe compartment.

I didn't realise I had a secret shoe compartment.

-That's why it's secret.

-Oh!

We need to get out of here before he finds it and before you

realise you're eating horse-spit soup.

-No, no, no, I need that for Fernando!

-Who?

Fernando, my pet ferret.

The strangest thing - I woke up this morning,

and I found him asleep in my pocket.

I think it likes me.

And I also think in this cold, unforgiving jail,

Fernando's the only one who understands me.

-And this morning, look, he made a special raisin.

-Oh, look!

-No, no, no, no, no, no, no pets!

-What harm can he do?

Well, there's the smell to start, and then the noise, and the...

-Oh! Oh, please, Mannitol!

-Nonsense! Fernando does not have the...

-Oh.

Me back! Back, back, back! Do me back. Somebody do me back!

I need to scratch it. Scratch it. Oh!

Oh, please!

Weird.

What's this?

-Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

-Yep, flea powder.

Oh!

And so, slowly but surely, they started to dig.

It was tough, sweaty work,

almost as tough as sitting here in my slippers reading this stuff.

But they knew that Fyredor was utterly doomed

unless they returned with the antidote,

so dig they did. Their small dent soon became a small hole.

The small hole grew into a bigger hole.

And eventually, the big hole became a tunnel.

-No, no, no, you're missing the bucket.

-Oh, OK.

Ow! No, put the soil in the bucket!

-Oh! So don't do it like this.

-Agh! No!

So definitely don't do it like this.

Agh! I said no! Right, that's it.

Worms in your face, worms in your face!

< Come here!

-I can hear you. Keep it down.

-Sorry!

It's hard enough trying to sleep as it is with him going on.

You've been a good boy, haven't you, Fernando?

Time to give daddy a good-night kiss.

Remember, Mannitol, if you see anybody coming, give a clear sign.

Right. Clear sign. Erm, what about...

Maybe just a cough.

-Hm?

-Right.

-Yes.

-HE COUGHS

HE COUGHS AGAIN

Was that a cough or a cough?

-I think it was a cough.

-Cough!

-Cough!

-Quick, someone's coming!

OK.

-Phew, that was close!

-Thank goodness.

-Where's Dick?

Right! Roll call!

Get in line, scum!

-Lutin!

-Yep.

Manifold?

-Yes. Yes. Prince Dom?

-Yes.

-And Prince Dick.

-Prince Dick! Yes! Oh, right.

-Yes?

-Eh? What's that?

Er, that was me. I love the word "yes". Makes me feel more positive.

Well, don't! You're meant to be miserable!

-What's going on?

-What was that? That was me, that was me.

Erm, I wanted to know what was going on. I get confused.

You know what's going on! I'm doing a roll call! Eh?

How many prisoners are normally in this cell?

Three.

Four! Four! I've caught you, ain't I? I've caught you! One, two, four!

Oh.

I know you lot are up to something. I'm watching you. Got my eye on you!

-Ohhh!

-What's going on?

You'll have us all caught, standing round like that.

Eyeball of toad, lips of fish, wig of granny.

It is finished, my finest potion yet, a truth potion.

If they will not tell me where the antidote is, then I will make them.

I am an animal!

Fire!

Yes! Ooh! Oh! Ooh, it's hot, it's hot! Hot!

Oooh, ah! It ain't 'alf hot!

After many hours of digging, the tunnel was well under way.

But the problem with digging a hundred yards of tunnel

is a hundred yards of dirt.

Recreation time! Have fun!

This prison food is very, very filling.

-Oh, yes, I've been shovelling it in.

-Yes, best do some exercise!

Get in a line!

-Good afternoon, Princes.

-Afte... Oh.

-You're all filthy. What is this?

Looks like you've been digging a tunnel or something.

Preposterous!

Escape is impossible unless you tell me where that antidote is. Never.

Interesting!

You see, I think you will tell me

once you've had a little drop of this

truth potion.

-He's lying.

-What? Why would I lie?

-Well, how do we know you're not?

Well, you don't. But I'm not. It's a truth potion.

Oh, yeah, but how do we know that?

Well, if, er...

I mean, you expect us

to believe that you're clever enough to have made that?!

- Pull the other one! - Yes, what a likely story.

He's having us on.

-What? I did make it! I did! I am a master alchemist.

-Liar!

-I'm not!

-Are!

-Not!

-Are, are, are, no returns.

-Yeah.

Shut up, shut up, shut up! I will prove it.

This is definitely a truth potion. Ha!

If I was lying, how could I say that?

Agh! I don't believe it! You sly little...

Get them back in their cells!

Yes, Your Majesty.

- Get back! Get back! - Days of work ruined!

-What was your nickname at school?

-Buffalo-Bum Face.

-See?

It does work!

MANNITOL SOBS

-Oh, come on, Mannitol.

-Why don't you help us dig? It'll cheer you up.

Oh, yeah, join the party. We're loving it... It won't help.

My life has ceased to have meaning since Fernando ran away.

-He'll come back.

-I doubt it. Would you? To this place?

One minute he was in my pocket, the next he was gone. Not all of him.

Look, there are other ferrets, yeah?

He just wasn't any other ferret, was he?

Fernando was my sole companion in a hostile world.

And he made a lovely little pillow, too.

Shhh! What was that?

Obviously some kind of metal barrier placed here by the Beastmaster

to stop us escaping.

How do you know that?

Look!

Perfect!

- Guard, I've lost something. - Good!

Yes, but we have to cut through the metal,

and spoons aren't sharp enough.

-Oh!

-If only we had some sort of drill.

-Hey, hey!

-What?

-You work in the kitchens, don't you?

Do you use anything sharp?

No, nothing. And if we did, I couldn't tell.

They're watching us all the time.

No, no, no, no, no, his name is Fernando. You might have seen him.

Or smelt him. No.

-It's OK, Blinky's not looking.

-You're Plank, right?

-Er, yes, Plank.

-Yeah.

-Nice to meet you. I'm Prince Dom.

-Prince Dick.

-Oh, hello, Prince Dom, and hello, Prince - hic!

-No, no, no, it's Dick.

-Hic!

-No, no, it's...

-I know what it is.

It's just - hic! - y'see, when I get nervous, I can't - hic!

Stop hiccuping. Hic! Hic! Hic!

Here, breathe in.

-Better?

-Oh - hic! Yeah.

-We've got a problem.

-Oh. What's that there?

Oh, well, er, I'm an inventor, y'see. I invent things.

-But you're probably not interested.

-Oh, yeah, I'd love to see it!

Er, well, it's only a prototype. It's a mechanical nose picker.

-The Bogeymatic 500.

-That's amazing! Twice the snot of a regular finger.

Do you think you might be able to invent something for us?

Something special?

No. We're not allowed to make anything... Hic! ..Anything naughty.

Otherwise the Beastmaster will be angry.

Just we need you to make us a massive drill to help us escape.

Hic! Hic! Hic!

Take that as a no.

We have to make Plank listen.

We've got to get him to build us that drill.

Plank...

-Plank! We really need your help, please.

-You just eat your soup.

Leave me out of this. That's your lot for today, Sir.

I'm just sick of this. When are we going to get any luck?

All that digging and for what? Nothing! I know.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But what can we do?

I feel the same.

I mean pull it together, we are princes!

Oh, you're just being a bit over-dramatic now.

-Are you all right, Prince Dick?

-Brother? Brother!

-Blimey! What was that soup?

-Cog a leakie by the look of it.

-Oh, mine's the same.

-Hang on, what's this?

It's from Plank. I think he's going to help us.

Lutin, I think I may need you to acquire some goods.

MUSIC: Colonel Bogey

Hey, you!

-Are you OK, OK?

-We're ready to leave in five minutes.

You know the plan, we have to put it...

Put it in Blinky's tea when he's not looking. Right. Five minutes.

Good luck! Positions everyone.

Ah, buffalo bum face.

My patience has worn thin, prisoners.

I know the antidote is here so one of you is going to come with me

and have a little chat.

But which one will it be? Eenie, Meanie, Miney...

What's that, snakey?

What? Oh, take the old man? He's the weakest.

Yes, very good my slithery friend. Have a meaty treaty.

Ooh, yum, yum, yum. Saucy sauce, saucy sauce. Waste of time!

Bad luck, baldy.

This time I'm going to make you tell me where the antidote is.

No amount of torturing will make me tell you anything.

Oh, who said anything about torturing you?

-Please don't hurt my little friend.

-Oh, come come, grandad.

-10 minutes before he blabs.

-No!

-Two.

This is a pure crystal.

It has the unique ability to remove your magical powers.

-So, where is the antidote?

-You won't get a peep out of me.

-Fine!

Where is the antidote? So, you're not talking either, eh?

Your bond with your creature is strong, old wizard,

but you friendship is also your weakness.

I won't ask again, where is the antidote?

I thought you said you weren't going to ask again?

I grow tired of these games.

Let's start with something really nasty, shall we?

-Shampoo.

-Oh no, not that, he hates that. He hates being clean.

-Then tell me or it's Fernando's bath time.

-I shan't!

Oh, still need convincing? Then let's raise the stakes, shall we?

Plenty facial spray. Ooh, lemony fresh,

imagine how his whiskers will shine.

You wouldn't! You beast! I won't tell you anything!

Oh, we'll see about that.

Mannitol would want us to leave without him.

The Beastmaster will think it was that snake.

OK, I've done it.

Blinky's asleep outside and I've got the keys.

Right, so that's it decided. We've got no choice. We have to leave now.

-We'll come back for Mannitol, yeah?

-All right.

That looks like an escape tunnel to me.

Can I come with you, please?

I don't like it in here. I think I'd rather be a vet.

Hey, of course you can come with us.

So long as you don't do that weird eye thing. Come on, let's go.

That's very odd. I could have sworn I tampered with his tea.

What?!

-Oh, no! Dick!

-Can you hear his cries? I speak fluent ferret.

He's pleading with you, he's saying,

"Please tell the nice man where the antidote is.

"Let him now quickly, please. No more lavender soap."

He smells so fresh... No! I won't!

Then you leave me with no choice.

Nothing left of him to wash, anyway.

So blab or he will face the ultimate treatment.

Don't take his fleas. Anything but that!

All right! All right!

-It's hidden in Prince Dick's shoe.

-There!

That wasn't so difficult, was it?

LOUD DRILLING NOISES

-How much longer?

-Nearly there!

-I'll go and find the others!

-OK!

-Why are we still shouting?

-I don't know!

Dick, wake up!

Bacon. Toast.

Yesterday's beef!

-Bacon!

-Come on, we're almost through.

Why can't he be the one who sleepwalks?

Right! Shoes off everyone.

Wake up!

Wake a second. Four people sleeping.

Sneaky.

Oy! Ah!

Blinky!

Get them!

Oh no, they've found us!

This is where the sewerage comes down.

It makes a brilliant escape route.

Oh yeah, just peachy(!)

-Might come back on my holidays.

-Mmm! I'm well full of chocolate.

No! Not chocolate.

Shh!

DISTANT CRIES

Did you hear that?

You or that person shouting up there?

-< Let me out!

-Mannitol!

< Up here! Somebody!

Lutin, you've got a loud voice.

MANNITOL!

Come, Fernando.

Take my hand.

Oh, drat! We're leaving.

Geronimo!

Agh!

Sorry to drop in like this.

There you are. Fernando! Oh!

I promised you I wouldn't let you down. There you are.

All nice and dirty again.

Do you mind? I feel sick enough already, thanks.

-They've broken through. Agh!

-Quickly!

Through a mile of muck-splattered, brown-coloured, foul-stinking

quag-encrusted, sweetcorn-flecked pipes,

they dragged themselves to freedom.

I do hope they wash they hands!

Agh!

We're out!

The road home at last!

The sweet smell of freedom!

-Urgh!

-Or is that the sewer?

Well, well, well.

That's what I call a royal flush!

Blinky, I'm disappointed in you!

After all, you're my number two!

Quite literally it seems.

The antidote. Hand it over!

Thank you.

So much easier while you're still human.

-What?

-Look, no! You've got all you need.

Please, just let us go.

And watch you go and make another potion?! Not this time, Princes.

I am an animal!

What? I am king of the beasts.

I command you to....

-I've got the vial.

-Leg it!

Ooh, agh! Get off me!

He won't walk straight for days.

I suppose Fernando's where he's happiest. Up a trouser leg!

Yeah, and at least we've still got

lots of things to remember him by.

Look!

'Our heroes were safe - for now!

'But Fyredor, their home, was so may miles away and the Beastmaster

'would soon be hot on their trail.

'Who knows what perils lie ahead?

'The legend of Dick and Dom continues.'

Subtitles by Red Bee Media