Snot The Revolting World of Stanley Brown

Welcome to the Revolting World of Stanley Brown.

Go science!

Achoo!

Sick.

Stanley is going to be the world's greatest scientist.

Whoa!

It's just that he doesn't know that yet.

This is his next-door neighbour, Jess.

And his best friend Mike.

And here's Archie.

I'm your great, great, great, great, great, great, great-grandson,

from the future. I'm invisible.

And I'm invisible, too.

I'm Olivia, Archie's incredible robot assistant,

We've come back in time to make sure that Stanley keeps up his

revolting experiments and becomes the greatest scientist ever known.

Revolting.

Brilliant.

Stanley!

What are you doing? I wanted this room.

But I'm growing fungus in here.

Well, take it out, put it in the other room.

-What, your room?

-No, this is my room.

Get off!

-Steph!

-Let go!

Get off of my stuff.

Let go of it!

Let go of it!

No, it's not! This is going to be my room!

Excellent, subject located. Olivia, zoom in and magnify.

And stop!

That's him! Stanley Brown, the greatest genius of the 21st century.

Innovator, pioneer, man of action.

He looks more girlie than I imagined.

Does he look girlie to you?

Oh, he is a girl. Interesting.

Oh, him?

Yeah, I knew that.

Fire up the portal.

Argh! We're going back in time!

Oh, mum, I want this room.

She had the best room in the last house. Give her the small one!

The small room cramps my aura. The bad energies have made me ill.

They've made you dumb.

I can't flourish in a teeny room, I told him that.

Is that when you put the mushrooms in your hair?

It's not mushrooms, it's my fungusarium, and she ruined it.

Stanley, please tell me you're not doing experiments again,

especially not in our new house.

I'm not doing experiments again.

Was that true?

No, I am doing experiments again.

See? He can't have the nice room.

He's always making disgusting things.

I didn't make you.

Hey, hey, you two. I'm too busy with this.

I've got the neighbours coming in two hours and I don't want them

taking out an injunction against us like Mr and Mrs Milne.

They were so unreasonable.

Your termites ate their floor.

Let's just try and convince this street

that we're a nice, normal family, OK?

I'll decide who gets the room at the end of the day,

so you'd both better be on your best behaviour.

I'm so getting this room.

Bet you've already got something disgusting up here already.

Look where you like, you won't find anything.

He's got a jar of slugs. He's collecting their mucus.

Why? "Stanley Brown's famous slug mucus glue".

Well, at least it's environmentally friendly.

Now do I get the room?

He's not exactly doing anything wrong,

he's just keeping some pets. They're not making any mess.

Look, why don't you give me a hand

instead of trying to land your brother in it.

We've got an hour to make this place respectable.

You all right?

But... There was a...

Why don't you take those boxes to the shed?

Oh, and see if you can lose these on the way.

-Yeah.

-Thank you.

Aaaah!

Is this it? Have we made it?

Looks right. Everything's so primitive.

Look at that wardrobe. It doesn't even hover,

and his collection of teeth.

Ah!

Could this be Stanley Brown's actual sock?

Ugh!

You're right, we must tread carefully.

This is a strange and backward world.

We mustn't do anything sudden, or loud, or which might alarm...

Argh, robot!

Argh!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Stanley Brown!

What? Who are you?

What are you doing in here?

I'm pointing at you.

You're Stanley Brown, the actual Stanley Brown.

I love all your stuff.

Is this your pus?

Hey! I have to hide that from my mum.

Never be ashamed of your pus.

It inspires some of your greatest achievements.

Though remember not to store it

in a custard jug - ruins a dinner party in 2027.

What are you talking about? Who are you?

Oh, ah, sorry!

My name's Archie. I'm your great, great, great, great, great,

great, great, great, great-grandson, from the future.

Pappy! Ah!

Oh!

Stupid brother, filling my room with fungus.

Hello?

Someone there?

Probably just a cat.

Hello? Kitty?

Ah!

How did you get in here?

Oh, just a portal through the space-time continuum, nothing fancy.

Sorry about your robot, by the way,

but it would have betrayed you in the end. They all do.

Is that your fungus? I love fungus! Needs a moist atmosphere, though.

Yeah, that's why I've made the house so steamy.

That was you! Thought it was all nice and clammy in here.

Yeah, I blocked up all the vents and I put wet towels on the radiators.

The house is going to be full of amazingly disgusting fungus.

And slime, too. Wonderful slime.

Oh, wow!

A dog vomit slime mould.

My favourite puke-impersonating organism.

What is that?

Oh, that's Olivia, she's my computer.

All right, my assistant.

I'm not your assistant! She has got such a massive ego.

How dare you!

She knows loads of stuff though, even about your slime mould.

-She's from the future.

-OK, that's enough.

I'll prove it. Look.

Hi, Stanley. I'm the brains in this outfit.

Now, listen up.

This dog vomit slime mould, looks like a revolting blob creature

from outer space, but in fact this isn't a creature at all,

it's not even one thing.

Slime moulds are made up of loads of tiny microscopic organisms

that just get together for a big, slimy, slithery party.

It's got the moves!

That's epic! Where can I get one of them?

From the future.

Need to collect tokens off the back of cereal packets.

Right, so let me get this straight.

You're from the future, and you've come back to freak me out. Why?

Because you're Stanley Brown,

the first genius in a long line of genii.

Geniuses, geniisis?

I'll show you the family album.

There's you, Stanley Brown,

then Juniper Brown, your daughter, the nano tech genius.

Denzil Brown, invented the killer robots.

Arthur Brown, invented a laser to destroy the killer robots.

June Brown, indestructible pizza.

Bethany Brown. She made teleporting toilets.

Oscar Brown, my dad, who invented time travel,

and me.

So what have you invented?

Oh, this and that, projects in development, fingers in pies.

You haven't made anything, have you?

Not yet. But that's why I need you to feed off your genius. Please.

I'll let you use Olivia. She knows everything,

and I'll just follow you and ask questions. You won't know I'm here.

I don't want to be stalked by a superfan from the future.

I'm not a genius anyway, I'm just... ordinary.

No way!

Think of all the great stuff you've done.

There's amazing shots of you in here, look.

I'm Stanley Brown, the great genius!

Woo-hoo!

Oh!

Oh, it stinks!

PPPRRT!

Nobody move!

Ah!

Keep away from my sweat gland!

What did you do that for?

Ugh!

BURP!

Sick! Aaah!

Classic.

Aaah!

-Aaah!

-Aaah!

-Grrr!

-Aaah!

Amazing!

Aaah!

Ah!

Hey, it's me.

Hnnnnng!

-Ah!

-Aaah!

Get off!

Go science!

PPPRRRT!

Stanley, and Jess.

Yeah, it was brilliant when you did all of that, wasn't it?

But I've never done any of that.

I don't even know who that girl is.

But you will in the future.

Actually, I probably shouldn't have shown you that.

Messing with time can destroy the universe.

Hi, Stanley.

Mike!

This is Mike, my mate. Show him that thing.

Who are you talking to?

Him.

Hello Mr... Box.

Not the box, him.

That bloke.

The one there.

The one I'm poking.

He can't see me, I'm invisible. So's Olivia.

He's invisible.

Cool. Messing with my mind, yeah? Sort of psychological warfare?

Not really.

Like it. Keeps me on my toes.

How can you be invisible?

Future, cool stuff?

Olivia generates a cloak of invisibility around me.

Only you can see or hear me.

That's not the end of the coolness. Watch this.

Don't tell me, he's shrunk.

You'll never break my mind.

Did you know there's an intruder in your shed?

A-ha!

A 21st century bathroom, fascinating.

Thank you, Olivia,

but I think I can find my way around without your help.

21st century humans wee and poo into this bath,

which simply teleports their mess away and dumps it on Belgium,

much as we do in the future.

And this toilet is where they wash their hair. Observe.

I'm telling you, Daisy, this place is haunted.

There's a ghost in the shed that, like, hates boxes.

Oh!

There, definite movement.

That's a shed invasion, no doubt about it.

So, what's the plan? Storm the building?

I don't know, I've got quite a lot on my plate as it is.

With the invisible man?

That, and thinking of a way of stopping Steph getting this room.

Tricky. If only there was a way to combine the two.

There's a ghost! it was flushing the toilet!

At least it's hygienic.

Achoo! It's not funny!

Weird stuff's going on, bad energies gave me this cold,

and there's a strange presence in the shed.

Told you.

OK, here's the plan.

Mike, go and do a recon in the shed, yeah?

Good thinking, General.

Now, Steph, I've got bad news, don't be scared.

This room is haunted.

I'm not going to fall for that. I'm the spiritual one.

If anything, the ghosts are in the other room.

-How do you work that out?

-I'm very sensitive to vibrations

in the spirit world.

So I'm going to have this totally non-haunted room,

and it's going to be amazing.

Well, you're right, it will be amazing.

Aaah!

I'm going to make sure you annoy mum today,

and when you do, this room is mine.

Achoo!

She's the only person in the world who can catch a cold off the undead.

Might not be a cold.

I've got an idea, come on.

Just as I thought.

Riddled with poo.

Poo?

Yeah, dust mite poo.

It floats up your nose and makes you sneeze, if you're allergic.

What are dust mites?

Oh, wow. They're like these hideous, scuttling creatures, yeah.

There are loads of them in the carpet, in the bed. Look!

Hey!

Thousands of them!

I can't see anything.

Yes, well, that's cos they're really tiny

and I'm really scared of them, so I don't want to zoom in too much.

Zoom in more.

Argh!

I still can't see anything.

Oh, yes, you're right.

Zoom in even more.

Aaah!

Even more.

Like I say, they are really extremely tiny.

Argh!

Oh, they're quite cute, actually, aren't they?

Look at them there, eating all your skin.

Humans shed around a kilogram of skin every year,

that's like the same weight of a bag of sugar,

and these guys can even drink water out of the air. Brilliant.

'Coming from all over the mattress,

'two million dust mites are battling it out

'to win the master cook crown.'

These dust mites have got to prove that they can eat

flakes of dead skin and poo them back out.

Digesting human skin doesn't come much tougher than this.

Stacey, what are you going to be eating today?

It's human skin, John. I'm going to break it down in me gut

and then excrete it all over a pillow.

Delicious! But skin can be a little dry.

How are you going to moisten it up?

Well, since I can't drink liquid,

I plan to collect moisture from the air

by dribbling a salt solution from under my armpits.

But how would you cope if there wasn't enough moisture in the air?

Let's see how you manage if we suck some of that water out of the air.

'With less water in the air, Stacy is struggling to stay alive.'

Urgh!

I can't believe I've died, I really let myself down.

OK, the dust mites in here are making Steph sneeze,

so if we move the dust mites into the big room...

Steph will think it's haunted by nose ghosts too. Brilliant!

Gotcha!

What are you doing in my shed?

This isn't yours. It's Stanley's.

How do you work that out?

Well, it's in his garden.

Are you Stanley's?

What?

You're in his garden.

Just because some things are in some people's gardens

doesn't mean they belong to them, does it?

I don't know.

-Doesn't it?

-No!

How loud can you say "ah"?

Ah?

Aaaah! Oh!

Pretty loud.

You're moving in?

-What?

-Can I have a look at that dust?

-Sure.

-Brilliant, I knew you'd see sense.

-Sorry, what?

-Here, look at this.

I just said thanks for giving me the big room.

I'll help you move your stuff.

Hang on.

Did she just say...?

Steph! I'm not moving in here! I...

I didn't mean...

Achoo!

I knew it was a dust allergy!

You are so going to...

Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!

Don't tell mum. She won't let me have the room.

That's exactly why I'm going to... Achoo!

So, the intruder is this really scary girl,

but I've sorted everything out.

Just do whatever she says and you'll be fine.

Achoo!

Ugh!

Achoo! Achoo!

Is everything all right up there?

What's going on?

Achoo!

-Cover for me.

-Yes, sir!

Achoo!

-Oh, Mike. Is everything OK?

-Yeah, we're just hanging out.

Oh, OK. Well, I've got to run to the shops

because I've got to get some milk before the neighbours arrive.

Because our one had, um, fungus growing on it.

Oh, tell Stanley to...

What's that on your shoulder?

It's, um, hair gel.

Oh.

OK, won't be long.

Oh, tell Stanley not to make any mess.

No mess. Gotcha.

Achoo!

Achoo!

Oh, where's all this coming from?

I don't know, I never knew people could make so much snot.

Of course they can.

People are totally brilliant at making snot,

especially if they're allergic.

It's one of our best features. Here, look at this.

Did you know, on an average day you

can produce about one litre of snot,

or nasal mucus, if you're being posh.

Most of it just dribbles down the back of your throat

without you even noticing.

So literally everyone is eating snot all the time.

Yummy!

Think that's a lot? When you've got a cold or allergy,

you can produce up to three litres of the stuff.

Three litres of snot?

Wow, make sure you don't get that all over the house, Steph.

Steph?

DOORBELL RINGS

What now?

Uh-oh.

Hang on, mum.

Move!

Oh, hello, sweetie. This is Tony and Julie, our neighbours.

-Door's on the catch?

-Mum, Stanley threw a load of dust at me and...

Achoo!

Just a minute. Keep them busy.

You can't hide me, Stanley.

I'm getting that room!

Hello.

One second.

Hi.

Not here. There's an evil presence.

I'm not evil, I'm surly and intimidating.

You forgot badly dressed.

And you forgot to shave.

She is evil.

-Ya!

-BURP!

It's you!

Listen, we're going to become friends, yeah?

Can you do me a favour and look after Steph?

Go on, then. We'll read magazines and talk about boys.

Thanks, that's so nice.

No, it's sarcasm.

I need this place to keep away from idiots.

-Can't we join you?

-I said to keep away from idiots.

Look, if you can get me out of here in the next 30 seconds,

you get the shed.

But I warn you,

I have black belts in jiu-jitsu, krav maga, and backchat.

I've got something better.

Ugh! Get off! Get off me!

Get off!

All right, all right, I surrender. Don't infect me.

All right, fine, we share the shed.

Share it? I won.

Don't push it.

All right, but you have to help me keep Steph out of the house, yeah?

Deal. But we might have a slight problem with that.

-Why?

-Because she's just gone back into your house.

So, this is the hall. It's got some wallpaper.

Over there...

No, I know, because it's my house, so please could we get past?

Oh, yes, that's quite a good idea,

although have you heard me sing my little song?

The one that goes like this?

# My name is Mike And my friend's name is Stanley

# And he has an imaginary friend Which is really weird. #

I'm so sorry, he's 12.

Mike, what's going on? Has Stanley made a mess?

Mess? There's no mess.

Mum, Stanley threw dust at me and, oh...!

Steph just said that Stanley threw something.

Yes, well, um, he did, we all did, we threw a, a party.

Yes, with the house warming, yeah. A party, yeah, party.

Congratulations! You're the Browns' new neighbours. Lovely to meet you.

Yes, please do.

No, no, no, don't go in there.

Stanley!

Come in.

Down, quick!

Mum, Stanley threw dust at me and made me snot everywhere.

I was moving dust mite poo.

Oh, they're just playing a make-believe game,

very creative children.

Achoo!

Maybe you could come back later?

Sorry, thank you, um, bye. Nice to meet you.

Stanley Brown, that is it.

Move all your stuff out of the big room, now!

But...

Oh, what a shame, she just couldn't survive in this dry air.

You're right there, mate.

And neither can we, Greg.

-Why are you sneezing?

-Because the house is haunted

and bad energies have got up my nose.

No, you're allergic to dust mites.

Mum, why are you cleaning and wiping up ever since we moved in?

Well, because there's dust everywhere

and it's just really steamy in here.

Mike, what do dust mites need to survive on

apart from dusty bits of old skin?

They need moisture from the air. The wetter the air,

the more they like it.

-Steph. I can cure your sneezing.

-Yes!

If I can keep the room.

No way.

Achoo!

Oh, all right, anything. Just please stop my snot!

Right, we need to open the windows to dry out the air.

OK.

And who put those wet towels on the radiators?

How's that, better?

You haven't sneezed for hours.

Looks like Stanley's cured your allergy after all.

It's nice of him to stick up your posters.

Suppose.

Hm. It's a lovely room. There's a wardrobe, and...

You'll get used to it. At least it's not haunted.

I guess not.

Ah, there it is.

More steam?

Wow! Love the new HQ.

Yeah, I guess I could learn to stand this.

And Steph must be pleased.

I mean, you won't need to do any experiments in the house

now you've got the shed.

I wouldn't say that.

I used an experimental substance to stick her posters up.

Stanley! You're revolting!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd