The Man Who Never Was The Sarah Jane Adventures

13 Bannerman Road is where Sarah Jane Smith lives.

It's home to things way beyond your imagination.

There's an extraterrestrial supercomputer in the wall,

her son, a genetically-engineered boy genius.

A schoolgirl investigator across the road,

her adopted daughter from another world,

and a whole universe of adventure right here on the doorstep.

Ready?

Always.

BELL TINGS

Hi, I'm Joseph Serf.

I'm here to introduce the SerfBoard, from Serf Systems.

The world's newest and best portable computer.

The 15th at 5pm, put it in your diary.

The day the SerfBoard arrives and the revolution begins.

Billions of dollars of research and development...

Where's my billion dollars, Mr Serf?

Excuse me, did I say device? I mean friend.

From the 15th, the world will have another question to ask...

STRANGE GIBBERING

Hello?

GIGGLING

Hello?

BANGING

LIFT BELL RINGS

Idiot!

GIBBERING

Ah!

Do you want to see tomorrow, today?

-Morning, Sky.

-Well, I think I've got everything he wants.

"Oh, it doesn't matter, Mum." He says and then, when he turns up,

straight to the fridge and "Why haven't we got bacon?"

Let him starve. When I went up to Oxford, the cupboards were bare.

-Are you all right, Sky?

-Just a little nervous.

I'm meeting Luke face-to-face, not just on the screen.

You couldn't have a better brother.

Right.

Yeah.

Not my room anymore.

-Luke! Oh, welcome home!

-Hi, Mum.

Hi, Clani. Don't call us that.

Clani? Who's Clani?

Clyde, Rani - Clani.

-It's meant to be funny.

-You can't keep away.

-Luke, meet Sky. In person.

-Sky.

Hi. Hi, Sky.

You're taller than you look on webcam.

Yes. Yes, I am.

Sorry, I just went in your room. Forgot it wasn't mine anymore.

-It's the best room and you don't live here anymore.

-It's fine.

It's really fine.

Hey! Finally, face-to-face.

It's the clash of the nerds.

Sky, behold my greatest success.

Frankenbane's monster, now a normal human student,

living off Pot Noodles and rising at 12 sharp

-to watch Loose Women.

-Yeah, shut up.

-Sky, I really hope we can be friends.

-Of course we'll be friends.

I suppose we're sort of brother and sister.

-Tea?

-Yeah.

Oh, I had to leave K-9 back at uni. But look,

I made...this.

-Dog whistle, cos you never know.

-What's he doing up there?

He's backing up the Bodleian Library, the whole lot.

-He wouldn't come back with me.

-Oh, good...ness me.

-What a terrible shame(!)

-Oi, Mr Smith. Don't be nasty.

We could always swap you for another computer, like the SerfBoard.

-I hardly think

-that

-would be a good exchange.

It's the launch this afternoon, at 5.

'..affordable device. Excuse me, did I say device?

-'I mean...'

-Nobody knows what it does when you switch it on.

The rumours say everything.

There's a rehearsal this morning. Just three of the country's

very top journalists have been invited to watch.

Do you know any of them? Could you blag us in?

Er, I said just the top journalists have been invited.

Yeah, so what if we swap a ticket?

I mean me. Me! What do you think pays for all this?

Taking in washing?

Sorry, I just didn't think it was your kind of a story.

-Yeah, almost good enough, Rani.

-I am not going to miss that!

Who said you're going to miss it? Homecoming treat.

-I'm not missing it either.

-You can come too, Sky.

And?

Oh, I'm sorry. That's all I could manage.

I shouldn't really be taking anyone. Highly unprofessional.

So unfair.

Sorry, Clani. Family outing.

Basically, we blab anything about the SerfBoard before the actual release,

and they sue us to death.

-But what if I disagree with the terms and conditions?

-They're fine.

-Just sign it.

-Believe me, if HE says they're fine, they're fine.

Whatever you say.

Sarah Jane Smith!

Let me drink you in, as lovely as ever!

Oh, Luke, Sky? Lionel Carson.

-An old, old fried.

-I could have been so much more. Now I am a ruin.

You remain a paragon.

Lionel was my editor when I first started on the nationals,

-then he moved on to food and wine.

-Why are you covering the SerfBoard?

I pulled rank to impress my grandchildren.

I've met the great Mr Serf.

I leave the technical stuff to you young people.

I can't abide computers.

Nothing wrong with a typewriter, says I.

-What's a typewriter?

-Goodness me!

Make me feel even more old-fashioned, why don't you?

Oh, you were already old-fashioned when I was new-fangled.

My son and my daughter.

Sorry to keep you waiting. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm John Harrison. Serf Systems public relations.

The rehearsal's about to begin, so if you'd like to follow me up.

Well, that's us. Would you care to accompany me,

oh radiant one, in memory of what might have been?

Oh, go on then!

LOW THRUMMING

-Luke, can you feel that?

-Feel what?

Like electricity building up.

-It's strong.

-Probably just a storm on the way.

No, this is different. Strange.

And I shall say, "Please say hi to Joseph Serf."

And cue Mr Serf.

-Not half bad in the flesh.

-He's like you, Sarah Jane.

He's got charisma.

Thank you, John. Then I'll say, "Pleased to meet you."

And then I'll do this.

Whoa, who's that beautiful guy?

Yes, very good, sir. Very spontaneous.

-What next?

-You stand there, sir,

and your close-ups will be in camera three.

-Is the teleprompter in the right position?

-Yeah, it looks good to me.

-And then straight into the spiel?

-Straight into the spiel.

The SerfBoard will revolutionise the way we work, the way we play.

Every home should have one. Soon, every home WILL have one.

That's perfect, sir.

And then the attendees will each be given a SerfBoard, like so.

The SerfBoard. Take it home,

press go, play and learn.

It's a phenomenon and you're going to love it.

-You're going to love it.

-"Why wait?" Is my motto.

Download, browse, photos, books, anything.

You're going to love it.

It's the future. It's tomorrow. And you love it.

You want one, you need one.

Everybody wants one, Everybody's got to get one.

-Did you see that?

-Yeah.

-That's impossible.

-Er, excuse me?

Can we have a little bit of hush, please?

-But, Sarah Jane...

-Quiet, Sky.

-But you DID see that?

-Yes, but no-one else did.

It's tomorrow and you love it.

It's so easy to use. He was right.

It's revolution, it's beautiful.

-I love it.

-Well, it must be good to impress you.

I never saw the point of computers,

-but this is so easy to use. I'll see you at the launch.

-Bye.

Oh, look what you've got! Hurrah for Mum!

Hurrah...for Mum.

Something weird happened in there, to Mr Serf.

-What are you talking about?

-Mum, he glitched.

-He what?

Just for a moment, he flickered.

Right, back home. We need to check this out.

What if I stay, look for more glitches?

There could be others like Serf, whatever he is.

-Good idea. Where to start?

-Oh, no.

-Luke is old enough to look after himself.

-And I'm not?

-No, you're not. Sorry.

-You be careful.

Come on, Sky. Home.

Right. Let's have look at you, my beauty.

No, Clyde. Wait. We should check it out first.

Only Luke and me saw it happen.

Well, Luke's got superior senses

and Sky's sensitive to electrical fluctuations, however tiny.

Mr Smith, tap into the digital database.

The rehearsal was recorded,

so somebody at Serf must have sent the movie file. Get us a copy.

That may take some considerable time, Sarah Jane. Here you are.

Hey! You're doing that on purpose now.

It was when Serf was saying everybody will want a SerfBoard.

'Everybody wants one. Everybody's got to get...'

Freeze it between frame 4:34:21 and 23.

-There's nothing there. You imagined it.

-I did not!

-Roll back a tenth of a frame, Mr Smith.

-Time flexing applied.

-That's impossible.

-Enhancing.

That's not the recording, that's him. The picture didn't move.

That's what I've been telling you.

I'm getting just a bit suspicious and preparing to say the A-word.

-What A-word?

-Aliens.

Mr Smith, give us all you've got on Joseph Serf. What is he?

Joseph Samuel Serf.

Born Dayton, Ohio, 25th May 1972.

Graduated Harvard 1993.

Founded Serf Systems, then completely disappeared from public view

after a near-fatal skiing accident in Val d'Isere in 2007.

Following this, he became famously reclusive. No interviews or pictures.

The only images available after this date

are these publicity photographs.

Look. In all these photographs,

he never once holds anything He never touches anybody.

-So what, he's a hologram?

-No, more than that.

He walks, talks, interacts with people. He's amazing.

This technology, it's fantastic.

But he sits down, he gets into cars.

It's like a photo, you can fold it up and move it around.

Oi-oi, who's that guy that's always right next to him? Who's he?

John Harrison. PR for Serf Systems.

The skiing accident. The real Serf died. He was replaced.

And shortly afterwards,

Serf Systems began the development of the SerfBoard.

Oh, wait. Lionel.

He hates computers. The moment he switched that on, he raved about it.

What if it's got some sort of hypnotic power?

-Well, they replaced Serf and took over his company.

-But why?

-What's this all for?

-And today's the launch.

A SerfBoard in every home. You can count me out.

Mr Smith, deep scan.

Full spectrum analysis. Let's see what Luke finds out.

While we wait, I want an interview with Mr Serf.

-But he doesn't give interviews, ever.

-Watch and learn, Rani.

Mr Serf does not give interviews, Miss Smith.

'Oh, but the SerfBoard is just amazing.'

I have to do a personal follow-up with Mr Serf.

'You are invited to the launch later.'

Oh, but if I could just speak to Mr Serf?

Just to tell him there are no "glitches".

Go on, Miss Smith.

Well, Mr Serf seems so warm, so real, so...natural.

I'm sure my readers would like to get to know

such a genuine human being.

Well, that's different, Miss Smith. Please come right over.

That's marvellous. I'll see you soon.

-One of the country's top journalists.

-Wow, Sarah Jane.

-Just wow.

-Isn't it a bit dangerous, though? They know you know.

Oh, I know they know I know. That's the only way to get in.

And they know you know they know you know.

Sometimes, that's best. I need to bring Serf Systems into the open.

Find out what they're planning.

And you need me. I saw the glitch and I might see something else.

-What, another family outing?

-Yeah, OK. No, no, you wait here.

Find out what Mr Smith makes of that. Come on, let's go.

What's up?

Oh, it's daft, but I feel like it's watching us.

-How's the spying?

-I checked the car park, the reception,

got a coffee from the machine, but nothing. No glitching, nothing weird.

It's time for your interview.

OK. Meet you both back here in half an hour.

Miss Smith, I hear you're a fan of the Board.

-I certainly am, Mr Serf. Call me Sarah Jane.

-Joseph.

-I'm sorry. I can't shake your hand.

-Oh, really?

-Why ever not?

-Mr Serf suffers from an acute peanut allergy.

I haven't been eating nuts.

But you might have been in a nutty environment.

Can't be too careful.

Oh, I'm so sorry. How very convenient.

Of course, I mean inconvenient.

Does Mr Harrison need to be here, Joseph?

Erm, actually, I'd prefer to stay.

After all, I'd hate there to be any more "glitches".

Oh, with you around, Mr Harrison,

I'm sure everything will run like clockwork.

I pride myself I can deal with any old spanners

that get into those works.

Erm, before we start, could I get something to drink?

I'm parched.

Certainly, Miss Smith. Tea, coffee, anthrax?

-What was that?

-Nothing.

HE LAUGHS

No, I'll just have water, please.

Nice, clear water

-that I can see right through.

-Coming right up.

Wouldn't you like some, Joseph? It's hot in here.

I'm fine, thank you. Now, let's talk about the SerfBoard.

Yes, let's.

-MR SMITH:

-Deep scan complete.

Ooh, tell us the worst.

The SerfBoard is a standard, low specification laptop computer.

-And?

-That is all.

-Well, it can't be.

The hologram, the big launch tonight.

-One in every home.

-Hold on.

(What if it's got him?)

I can hear you, Clyde, and no, it hasn't "got me".

It's not the first time you've said something was OK

and it turned out to be deadly. Remember the Rakweed?

Eh, leave it alone!

-We wait for the others to get back.

-But there's not much time.

How are you going to feel when everyone's going,

-"Serve the computer".

-Clyde.

-No.

-Oh, come on, the clock's ticking.

-Let's switch it on, see what it does.

-OK, but we do it my way.

We take precautions.

The implication for global communications...

Ooh, butter fingers!

Would you mind picking that up for me, Joseph?

Oh, please, Miss Smith.

Do use mine.

An electrical surge?

No, it feels strange. Coming from down below.

We'll tell Mum when she gets back.

LIFT PINGS

Let's take a look.

Come on, it's what you always do.

-I'll go. You go back to the car.

-Not a chance.

-Sky!

Going down.

-How's the liking each other thing going now?

-I'll let you know.

COMPUTER PLAYS A TUNE

-Hey, it was my idea!

-Yeah, but it needs a delicate touch.

Well, I'm delicate. In a very manly way.

I've got artists fingers.

SHE LAUGHS

Just like the old days. You and me. Having a laugh.

-Yeah, I meant to say, all that stuff with Ellie...

-It's OK.

Right, let's do this.

COMPUTER PLAYS A TUNE

SCREECHING

OK, I can't sense the electrical surge,

but I can hear that.

-Coming from further down.

-But this is the bottom floor.

Unless there's an override command. I can reverse-intuit the code.

LIFT PINGS

Knew it.

-There's nothing. Really, nothing. I'm going to take these off.

-Careful!

In fact, it's more than a bit rubbish.

It's bog standard. What's so special about this?

It's not the Board itself. That's normal.

-It looks cool, that's all.

-What did I tell you?

Then, what is going on?

Down here.

SCREECHING

Whatever it is, it's through there.

-It is the functionality...

-That's Mum.

I mean, you've revolutionised the entire concept of...

Our team of specialists made improving the functionality

their number one priority.

So, you must have been amazed, Joseph,

when you got your hand on the keyboard for the first time.

I mean, to see your dreams made into a solid reality.

I'd love to tell my readers how that felt.

From your...unique point of view.

It was a great moment. I always had faith in my tech guys.

Keep up! Keep up!

Well, ideas can be so intangible, can't they?

Oh, dear, what am I saying?

That's OK, Miss Smith.

Smile!

Joseph, are you all right?

Keep up! Keep up!

Oh! Keep up, keep up!

We all say thongs we don't moan.

Spelling! Spelling!

Forgove me. Things we don't mean.

Keep trying and smile again!

Thoughtful smile, not sexy smile!

-It's incredible.

-They're controlling him.

Everything he says and does, it's them.

What else do you want to know?

Ooh!

Spillage! Emergency stand!

Steady on, bum!

And one, two, three and up!

Quick, crease fabric!

I'm so sorry.

What a clumsy clot you are, Miss Smith.

One of our country's most famously shrewd journalists

is apparently such a loveable scatterbrain.

Well, Miss Moth...

Miss Smith, what else do you want to know?

-I just hope I can stop embarrassing myself for a start.

-Hypno to ten.

Hypno power to ten! Hypno power to ten!

She must trust! She must trust!

Mum!

You love the SerfBoard, Sarah Jane.

It's the most amazing computer you've ever seen.

Stronger, hypno! Stronger, hypno!

And I am the most amazing man you've ever seen.

Yes, yes, you're such a handsome man, Mr Serf.

But I'm an old hand at hypnotism and when it comes to men,

I actually prefer something I can grab hold of.

Got you!

Failure! Light structure failed!

Failed! Stand down. Await orders.

This is alien technology.

And it's pretty erratic.

Alien technology?

You mean, something that's not made on this planet. Like this?

-One false move, Miss Smith, and you are dead.

-Mum! No!

Intruders!

SHE SCREAMS

-You!

-Please, let her go!

She's my sister. She's just a child, please!

You! You!

They're going to kill us.

You must escape! Run!

What? What?!

What do you know? Who do you work for?

Oh, Mr Harrison.

This is not exactly a new experience for me.

'You're not going to fire that gun.'

-Do you want to bet?

-I don't think you've ever fired that gun.

-No.

But there's a first time for everything!

I'm walking out now. You won't stop me.

Sky, what are you doing?!

SERF WHOOPS AND SQUEAKS

Grab her!

Lipstick that bites? How very interesting.

MR SERF CHIRRUPS

Berr berr berr berr berr.

-'What are you doing down there?!'

-Berr berr berr berr berr.

Level five, PUNISH!

DEVICE EMITS PIERCING WAIL

ALL: Aaaarrghh!

-Luke, make it stop, make it stop!

-I can't!

Ooooh, ooohh...

Work, work!

I'm sorry. I...must have blunked out there for a second.

My goadness, what's happening?

Plark, forget it. It's too late now!

What are they doing in there?

-Oh, no!

-Emergency!

Intruders in Light Chamber!

Luke, Sky, get out of there!

Run, run, run!

Come on!

ALARM BUZZES

Argh!

-Should be back by now. Come on, Luke, answer!

-Sky, answer, come on!

'Oh, pick it up for once, Sarah Jane!'

-That's my phone!

-Welcome to the club.

I've had seven in the last two years.

-Sarah Jane!

-Mum!

-Thank goodness you're all right!

Bizarre! I expected high-class industrial spies,

not Mumsnet(!)

-Mum, the hologram.

-There are aliens working it. They're slaves!

Coming, Master!

Plark.

Master?

You let these human children roam free!

-Master, no, please, master!

-Level seven,

-PUNISH!

-Master! Aagghhh!

Stop it!

PLARK SCREAMS

-You're hurting these creatures!

-Poor little Skullions?

Read my lips, Pollyanna. I. Don't. Care.

Plark, get back to work!

Thank you, Master. Love master!

-What are you doing to them?

-The Skullions?

They merely need a firm hand.

Listen, I can help you and help them, I can get them home.

I don't need your help, I'm doing fine!

They're intelligent, you can't treat them like that!

-Can't I? I paid enough for them.

-You BOUGHT them?!

A ship crash-landed in Central Asia. The survivors were put up for sale.

-What do you mean, "up for sale"?

-Oh, didn't you know?

There's a black market in alien species. If you know where to look.

They're smuggled across Europe in crates, then across the Channel.

A slave trade in aliens. Packing them up in boxes, torturing them.

It's appalling! I can't believe anybody could be so...

Successful?

Ha-ha-ha! You're so naive.

-This is the way the world works.

-Not in my world!

Yes, it is. Money is exchanged for goods and services.

Plenty of bidders at auction, but I paid millions.

-To make billions.

-It's disgusting. You're disgusting!

I do my best.

I'm beginning to understand this. There's nothing special

-about the Serf Board, is there?

-It's rubbish, yes.

It's not the board, it's Serf, the hologram. He's hypnotic.

-He can make you desperate to buy one.

-Very good, carry on.

In a few hours, the launch... it'll be televised the world over.

Serf hypnotises the entire world to buy a Serf Board.

And you make a fortune! That's all it is. The slaves...just money!

Just profit!

Shock, horror(!)

Right, enough debate!

Put the kids in storage five.

No, you leave my children alone!

-Luke, you look after her!

-I will!

-You dare harm my children...

-I'll deal with them, and you, later.

After the launch.

This way.

I'm going to stop this. I am going to stop you.

What are you going to do? Hit me with your handbag(?)

Are you hurting them?

Are you hurting the little people?

You are SCUM!

Hold on, hold on! I'm a prisoner just like you!

The aliens aren't bad, Harrison is.

How could he do that? It just makes me so ANGRY!

Humans used other humans as slaves for centuries.

Every culture, the world over.

Nobody challenged them until a few hundred years ago.

And in some places it still goes on.

-Is this what humans are like?

-Not all of them.

Come here.

I can sleep somewhere else in the house.

What?

If you want your room back.

I think it upset you but...

you're not telling me.

It doesn't matter.

And this isn't the time!

This morning, a little man pulled me into the lift.

The guards came, they hurt him.

I saw others, many others.

The guards locked me away.

The Skullions. One of them must have tried to escape.

They must be desperate.

They are dying...

and we will die here, too.

No! We're going to get out of here!

And the little people, we MUST help them!

Sarah Jane Smith.

Adriana Petrescu.

Adriana, you've just restored my faith in the human race!

In just two hours time the Serf Board will be revealed to the world,

'right here at Serf Systems.

'The eyes of the world will be on this building.

'After months of rumours, leaks -

'some say deliberate leaks -

'and endless speculation, we'll finally get the answers

'revealed by the secretive Mr Joseph Serf.'

-MR SMITH:

-'That was the latest news transmission.'

We've got to get over to the launch. We can take Luke's car!

Clyde, it's the media event of the century.

We can't just gatecrash it like it's Adam Jenkins' party!

Give me a minute. Mr Smith! Access Serf Systems hospitality.

-Get your best clothes.

-'Accessing initiated.'

-Move!

-'Logging in to Serf intranet.'

DOOR BANGS AND HISSES

Bring food for the young ones. You like us, prisoners.

Thanks.

-You need this more than we do.

-No, you drink.

Pure water burns.

What do you drink?

Orange, lemon juice, citrus.

Hey, stop!

No! Girl stay!

We can help you, let us out of here!

You stay! Or master punish!

Oh. You need help.

No. No help!

You stay!

He can't go against his master, or he gets another shock.

The collars are controlled through Harrison's pen.

We can't do anything to help the slaves until we get it off him!

If we could tell Clyde and Rani,

-get them to grab it.

-How?

They've destroyed our phones.

What about your dog whistle?

K9's miles away, he'd never hear it.

He's too far away.

We've got to think of something.

What about Mr Smith? Could he hear it?

Yes! YES!

You are SO my sister!

Rani, the launch starts in an hour!

Oh. You look great.

I've done it!

MR SMITH COUGHS

-'WE have done it!'

-Whatever!

OK, we're in!

Trevor and Janet Sharp.

Trevor, do I look like a Trevor?

Although I am sharp.

They're journalists, from Twilight Years magazine,

-for the over 60s.

-Geriatric News? Couldn't you do better?

They're the only ones on the list that won't turn up.

'Mr And Mrs Sharp are stranded at Orly Airport,

'thanks to a...a-hem, computer malfunction.'

Mr and Mrs?

Oh, yeah, and they're, er, married.

Right. Right. The cavalry's coming, and it's me and the missus.

-My old Dutch.

-Shut up Clyde. Come on!

'Wait a moment! I'm picking up a high-frequency, modulated signal,

'in Morse code!'

Brilliant!

'The transmission is on the command frequency of K-9.'

-It must be Luke, the whistle!

-Or it's a trap.

How do we know it's Luke for sure?

'Deciphering...

'Message begins, Clani...'

Yeah, that's Luke!

'Grab...Harrison's...

'..P-E-N. Full stop.'

Never been so glad to see a full stop. What does it mean?

What it says. Grab his pen!

Ready to go through with this?

I will help the little people. I'm ready.

I hope I am. It's an oldie but a goodie.

Go!

Help, help! This crazy woman, she's trying to kill me!

Help, please!

Help, please!

Owww!

Hey! Well done! Let's go!

There must be no mistakes!

Everything at the launch must go exactly according to plan!

Yes, Master, yes, Master!

This time, you are working for your lives!

Fail me...

and it's level ten punish!

THE SKULLIONS CHATTER

Master?

-What do you want?

-We thirst.

We so thirsty.

Oooh, dear(!)

Shall I give you all a drink?

No, Master! Please, Master!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

No! Water burns, water burns!

You get the message?

WORK!

PLARK HISSES

Luke! Oh, Sky!

Come on! Listen, I've got a plan.

But first we need to get that pen away from Harrison!

-We've got that covered.

-What? How?

-You've got gifted kids.

Hi.

Can I just check that for you?

That's lovely, thank you.

Right, just in time. Where is he, where is Harrison?

He's over there.

Oh, he doesn't look like much.

And what's his pen got to do with it?

Oh, there we go, top pocket.

Ready, ready, ready! Near time, near time!

Oh, this place is terrible.

The smell!

But look!

-They got the message!

-Wow, you are gifted, aren't you?

No, no! Go, go, go!

It's OK! We're going to help you!

No help! Master punish!

-Not for much longer. Leave it to Clyde and Rani!

-What then?

Your gifted mum's got that covered. Or she will have. Wait here!

Adriana, I need something from you.

Right!

Here goes!

Hello, hello! New faces, good to see you!

-Keeps me young. Lionel Carson.

-Trevor.

Call me Trev. Meet Janet,

the trouble and strife.

Oh, Trev, my old ball and chain.

You're from Twilight Years?

-What?

-New approach. We're the voice of youth.

We're opinion formers! We give a stairlift a five-star review,

and watch the sales rocket!

Rocket in a very steady and safe way.

Yeah, wouldn't want to give our readers any big shocks!

There aren't enough stars in the skies for the Serf Board!

Everyone will love it. I know you will.

PHONE RINGS

Escaped?

Well, then find her! NOW!

Mr Harrison, isn't it? Janet Sharp, Twilight Years.

Do you mind if I grab a quick word?

Mr Carson,

-could I borrow a pen?

-Help yourself.

-Thank you.

Send that message now, Mr Smith! Urgent rescue flight needed!

Co-ordinates...the roof of the Serf Systems compound.

Yeah.

'Earth calling Skultos. Light Sculptors imprisoned.

'Dispatch rescue vehicle immediately,

'urgent, to these co-ordinates.'

That is amazing. Ooh, bum!

Pen's run out, can I borrow yours?

Yes, here. Look, keep it. Thank you, I've got to go, it's almost time.

Sorry, mate.

Waste of time!

Three cheers for the old switcheroo.

-He did it!

-Right! They're free!

Free!

ALL: Free, free!

Free, free!

-Clyde's got the pen!

-Oh, brilliant!

Plark! Come, bring your people up to the roof, quickly.

Rescue's on its way! Skultos. Home! Come on, now!

Quick, follow us!

You two stay here and keep an eye on Harrison.

-But...

-Mum's right, Sky.

See you soon!

-Come on! RUN!

-Run, run, run!

Hi, I'm Joseph Serf.

I'm here to introduce the Serf Board from Serf Systems,

the world's newest,

and best, portable computer.

The 15th at 5pm.

A moment of history.

But I don't get it, it's just a pen.

Don't play with it!

Mine, I think, Janet!

Enjoy the show.

Get ready, Plark, the time is now!

'Just one mistake and it's double ten!'

No! He's got the pen back!

'..from Serf Systems.'

If the hologram doesn't obey, he'll know something's wrong!

He'll hurt them, stop them getting away.

We've got to work Serf!

-What?

-Come on!

We've got to drive the hologram ourselves.

Come on, come on!

-But they are free?

-Almost, Adriana! Almost!

So before we go through to meet the Serf Board,

let's meet the man

behind the Serf Board.

Joseph Serf!

Ha-ha-hum...

Mr Joseph Serf!

-Ready?

-You bet!

Serf! Now, now, now!

Left leg. Right leg. Left leg. Right leg.

Walk! WALK!

AUDIENCE CLAPS

Fella's been drinking.

Welcome to my lovely lunch.

My lovely launch.

Whoa, I AM gorgeous.

-He'd never say that!

-First thing I could think of!

-You keep him talking!

-What a beautiful day, boys and girls.

Remember, he's American!

Yee-ha!

As I woke up,

put my grits on the griddle, I thought,

"What a cotton-pickin' day to launch a new computer!"

What? What? You've been watching Toy Story again.

He's going to use the pen. No!

Aaarrghhh!

The pen!

Get the pen!

Aaaarrghh!

He's hypnotic. We've got to turn up the hypno-power.

Listen, everybody.

I want you to grab the pen from Harrison!

Grab the pen from him!

THEY SHOUT

I say, that's not on! Leave her alone!

Smash it!

SMASH IT!

THEY SHOUT: Smash it!

No! No! No!

It's stopped.

Go home! The Serf Board is rubbish! Bog standard!

Cobblers! Garbage!

Go home. Tell everyone!

-No!

-Of course it is. Stupid computers.

"Nothing wrong with a typewriter," says I.

It's grade A, 100% toot! It's bobbins. It's trash.

In fact, you think it's rubbish, go home, tell everyone!

I've got a weird feeling about him.

Hi, Clani!

I knew it!

Go to the roof.

Bye, Clani!

We did it!

Where's Harrison?

Sarah Jane Smith! Step away from them!

-You're too late. I said I'd stop you!

-You and whose army?

-THUNDER CRACKS

-Ah. That army!

We go now.

Thank you, thank you!

You good people!

I think that's your ride!

Quick! Come on!

Home!

-No! I paid millions! No!

-Wait!

No! You belong to me! You're mine, mine!

Yes!

-That was a spaceship.

-What will they do to Harrison?

-Set him to work, I hope.

-But it's amazing, amazing!

Er...who's this again?

I'm just the cleaner.

I mean, I WAS the cleaner. I have no job now.

So you people, you do this all the time?

That's wonderful!

Give this lot a call. Mention my name.

You're just the kind of agent they need, put them back on track.

And the pay will be very good, I'll make sure of that.

'The Serf Board failed to live up the hype,

'and Joseph Serf disappeared after a disappointing...'

That's enough, Mr Smith.

-Well, I'm certainly not disappointed!

-Oh, poor Mr Serf.

The real Mr Serf.

Nobody will ever know what really happened to him.

-Done it.

-Sky, could you get that CD you promised me, please?

Sure. Won't be a second.

-What are you two up to?

-Nothing!

Sorry, Sarah Jane, it's a family thing!

Hi, Sky!

What's going on...?

Present for you. I got Clyde to do it.

For me?

It's your room, isn't it?

-It's great!

-Nothing's too good for my sister!

Come here.

'I've seen amazing things out there in space...

'..but strange things can happen wherever you are.

'I've learned that life on Earth can be an adventure, too.'

-Mum?

-Oh, Luke!

'In all the universe, I never expected to find a family.'

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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