The Man Who Never Was The Sarah Jane Adventures


The Man Who Never Was

Children's science fiction drama. Everyone wants the brand new SerfBoard - and why not? What could be so dangerous about a computer?


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Transcript


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13 Bannerman Road is where Sarah Jane Smith lives.

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It's home to things way beyond your imagination.

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There's an extraterrestrial supercomputer in the wall,

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her son, a genetically-engineered boy genius.

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A schoolgirl investigator across the road,

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her adopted daughter from another world,

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and a whole universe of adventure right here on the doorstep.

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Ready?

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Always.

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BELL TINGS

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Hi, I'm Joseph Serf.

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I'm here to introduce the SerfBoard, from Serf Systems.

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The world's newest and best portable computer.

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The 15th at 5pm, put it in your diary.

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The day the SerfBoard arrives and the revolution begins.

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Billions of dollars of research and development...

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Where's my billion dollars, Mr Serf?

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Excuse me, did I say device? I mean friend.

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From the 15th, the world will have another question to ask...

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STRANGE GIBBERING

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Hello?

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GIGGLING

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Hello?

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BANGING

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LIFT BELL RINGS

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Idiot!

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GIBBERING

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Ah!

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Do you want to see tomorrow, today?

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-Morning, Sky.

-Well, I think I've got everything he wants.

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"Oh, it doesn't matter, Mum." He says and then, when he turns up,

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straight to the fridge and "Why haven't we got bacon?"

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Let him starve. When I went up to Oxford, the cupboards were bare.

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-Are you all right, Sky?

-Just a little nervous.

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I'm meeting Luke face-to-face, not just on the screen.

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You couldn't have a better brother.

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Right.

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Yeah.

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Not my room anymore.

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-Luke! Oh, welcome home!

-Hi, Mum.

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Hi, Clani. Don't call us that.

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Clani? Who's Clani?

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Clyde, Rani - Clani.

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-It's meant to be funny.

-You can't keep away.

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-Luke, meet Sky. In person.

-Sky.

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Hi. Hi, Sky.

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You're taller than you look on webcam.

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Yes. Yes, I am.

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Sorry, I just went in your room. Forgot it wasn't mine anymore.

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-It's the best room and you don't live here anymore.

-It's fine.

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It's really fine.

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Hey! Finally, face-to-face.

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It's the clash of the nerds.

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Sky, behold my greatest success.

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Frankenbane's monster, now a normal human student,

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living off Pot Noodles and rising at 12 sharp

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-to watch Loose Women.

-Yeah, shut up.

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-Sky, I really hope we can be friends.

-Of course we'll be friends.

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I suppose we're sort of brother and sister.

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-Tea?

-Yeah.

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Oh, I had to leave K-9 back at uni. But look,

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I made...this.

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-Dog whistle, cos you never know.

-What's he doing up there?

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He's backing up the Bodleian Library, the whole lot.

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-He wouldn't come back with me.

-Oh, good...ness me.

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-What a terrible shame(!)

-Oi, Mr Smith. Don't be nasty.

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We could always swap you for another computer, like the SerfBoard.

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-I hardly think

-that

-would be a good exchange.

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It's the launch this afternoon, at 5.

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'..affordable device. Excuse me, did I say device?

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-'I mean...'

-Nobody knows what it does when you switch it on.

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The rumours say everything.

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There's a rehearsal this morning. Just three of the country's

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very top journalists have been invited to watch.

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Do you know any of them? Could you blag us in?

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Er, I said just the top journalists have been invited.

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Yeah, so what if we swap a ticket?

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I mean me. Me! What do you think pays for all this?

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Taking in washing?

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Sorry, I just didn't think it was your kind of a story.

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-Yeah, almost good enough, Rani.

-I am not going to miss that!

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Who said you're going to miss it? Homecoming treat.

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-I'm not missing it either.

-You can come too, Sky.

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And?

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Oh, I'm sorry. That's all I could manage.

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I shouldn't really be taking anyone. Highly unprofessional.

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So unfair.

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Sorry, Clani. Family outing.

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Basically, we blab anything about the SerfBoard before the actual release,

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and they sue us to death.

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-But what if I disagree with the terms and conditions?

-They're fine.

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-Just sign it.

-Believe me, if HE says they're fine, they're fine.

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Whatever you say.

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Sarah Jane Smith!

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Let me drink you in, as lovely as ever!

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Oh, Luke, Sky? Lionel Carson.

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-An old, old fried.

-I could have been so much more. Now I am a ruin.

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You remain a paragon.

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Lionel was my editor when I first started on the nationals,

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-then he moved on to food and wine.

-Why are you covering the SerfBoard?

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I pulled rank to impress my grandchildren.

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I've met the great Mr Serf.

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I leave the technical stuff to you young people.

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I can't abide computers.

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Nothing wrong with a typewriter, says I.

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-What's a typewriter?

-Goodness me!

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Make me feel even more old-fashioned, why don't you?

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Oh, you were already old-fashioned when I was new-fangled.

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My son and my daughter.

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Sorry to keep you waiting. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

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I'm John Harrison. Serf Systems public relations.

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The rehearsal's about to begin, so if you'd like to follow me up.

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Well, that's us. Would you care to accompany me,

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oh radiant one, in memory of what might have been?

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Oh, go on then!

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LOW THRUMMING

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-Luke, can you feel that?

-Feel what?

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Like electricity building up.

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-It's strong.

-Probably just a storm on the way.

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No, this is different. Strange.

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And I shall say, "Please say hi to Joseph Serf."

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And cue Mr Serf.

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-Not half bad in the flesh.

-He's like you, Sarah Jane.

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He's got charisma.

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Thank you, John. Then I'll say, "Pleased to meet you."

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And then I'll do this.

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Whoa, who's that beautiful guy?

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Yes, very good, sir. Very spontaneous.

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-What next?

-You stand there, sir,

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and your close-ups will be in camera three.

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-Is the teleprompter in the right position?

-Yeah, it looks good to me.

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-And then straight into the spiel?

-Straight into the spiel.

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The SerfBoard will revolutionise the way we work, the way we play.

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Every home should have one. Soon, every home WILL have one.

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That's perfect, sir.

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And then the attendees will each be given a SerfBoard, like so.

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The SerfBoard. Take it home,

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press go, play and learn.

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It's a phenomenon and you're going to love it.

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-You're going to love it.

-"Why wait?" Is my motto.

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Download, browse, photos, books, anything.

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You're going to love it.

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It's the future. It's tomorrow. And you love it.

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You want one, you need one.

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Everybody wants one, Everybody's got to get one.

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-Did you see that?

-Yeah.

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-That's impossible.

-Er, excuse me?

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Can we have a little bit of hush, please?

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-But, Sarah Jane...

-Quiet, Sky.

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-But you DID see that?

-Yes, but no-one else did.

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It's tomorrow and you love it.

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It's so easy to use. He was right.

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It's revolution, it's beautiful.

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-I love it.

-Well, it must be good to impress you.

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I never saw the point of computers,

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-but this is so easy to use. I'll see you at the launch.

-Bye.

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Oh, look what you've got! Hurrah for Mum!

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Hurrah...for Mum.

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Something weird happened in there, to Mr Serf.

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-What are you talking about?

-Mum, he glitched.

-He what?

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Just for a moment, he flickered.

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Right, back home. We need to check this out.

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What if I stay, look for more glitches?

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There could be others like Serf, whatever he is.

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-Good idea. Where to start?

-Oh, no.

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-Luke is old enough to look after himself.

-And I'm not?

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-No, you're not. Sorry.

-You be careful.

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Come on, Sky. Home.

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Right. Let's have look at you, my beauty.

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No, Clyde. Wait. We should check it out first.

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Only Luke and me saw it happen.

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Well, Luke's got superior senses

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and Sky's sensitive to electrical fluctuations, however tiny.

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Mr Smith, tap into the digital database.

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The rehearsal was recorded,

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so somebody at Serf must have sent the movie file. Get us a copy.

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That may take some considerable time, Sarah Jane. Here you are.

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Hey! You're doing that on purpose now.

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It was when Serf was saying everybody will want a SerfBoard.

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'Everybody wants one. Everybody's got to get...'

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Freeze it between frame 4:34:21 and 23.

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-There's nothing there. You imagined it.

-I did not!

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-Roll back a tenth of a frame, Mr Smith.

-Time flexing applied.

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-That's impossible.

-Enhancing.

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That's not the recording, that's him. The picture didn't move.

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That's what I've been telling you.

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I'm getting just a bit suspicious and preparing to say the A-word.

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-What A-word?

-Aliens.

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Mr Smith, give us all you've got on Joseph Serf. What is he?

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Joseph Samuel Serf.

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Born Dayton, Ohio, 25th May 1972.

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Graduated Harvard 1993.

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Founded Serf Systems, then completely disappeared from public view

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after a near-fatal skiing accident in Val d'Isere in 2007.

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Following this, he became famously reclusive. No interviews or pictures.

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The only images available after this date

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are these publicity photographs.

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Look. In all these photographs,

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he never once holds anything He never touches anybody.

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-So what, he's a hologram?

-No, more than that.

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He walks, talks, interacts with people. He's amazing.

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This technology, it's fantastic.

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But he sits down, he gets into cars.

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It's like a photo, you can fold it up and move it around.

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Oi-oi, who's that guy that's always right next to him? Who's he?

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John Harrison. PR for Serf Systems.

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The skiing accident. The real Serf died. He was replaced.

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And shortly afterwards,

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Serf Systems began the development of the SerfBoard.

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Oh, wait. Lionel.

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He hates computers. The moment he switched that on, he raved about it.

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What if it's got some sort of hypnotic power?

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-Well, they replaced Serf and took over his company.

-But why?

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-What's this all for?

-And today's the launch.

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A SerfBoard in every home. You can count me out.

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Mr Smith, deep scan.

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Full spectrum analysis. Let's see what Luke finds out.

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While we wait, I want an interview with Mr Serf.

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-But he doesn't give interviews, ever.

-Watch and learn, Rani.

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Mr Serf does not give interviews, Miss Smith.

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'Oh, but the SerfBoard is just amazing.'

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I have to do a personal follow-up with Mr Serf.

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'You are invited to the launch later.'

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Oh, but if I could just speak to Mr Serf?

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Just to tell him there are no "glitches".

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Go on, Miss Smith.

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Well, Mr Serf seems so warm, so real, so...natural.

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I'm sure my readers would like to get to know

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such a genuine human being.

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Well, that's different, Miss Smith. Please come right over.

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That's marvellous. I'll see you soon.

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-One of the country's top journalists.

-Wow, Sarah Jane.

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-Just wow.

-Isn't it a bit dangerous, though? They know you know.

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Oh, I know they know I know. That's the only way to get in.

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And they know you know they know you know.

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Sometimes, that's best. I need to bring Serf Systems into the open.

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Find out what they're planning.

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And you need me. I saw the glitch and I might see something else.

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-What, another family outing?

-Yeah, OK. No, no, you wait here.

0:14:250:14:30

Find out what Mr Smith makes of that. Come on, let's go.

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What's up?

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Oh, it's daft, but I feel like it's watching us.

0:14:410:14:44

-How's the spying?

-I checked the car park, the reception,

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got a coffee from the machine, but nothing. No glitching, nothing weird.

0:14:500:14:53

It's time for your interview.

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OK. Meet you both back here in half an hour.

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Miss Smith, I hear you're a fan of the Board.

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-I certainly am, Mr Serf. Call me Sarah Jane.

-Joseph.

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-I'm sorry. I can't shake your hand.

-Oh, really?

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-Why ever not?

-Mr Serf suffers from an acute peanut allergy.

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I haven't been eating nuts.

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But you might have been in a nutty environment.

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Can't be too careful.

0:15:260:15:28

Oh, I'm so sorry. How very convenient.

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Of course, I mean inconvenient.

0:15:310:15:33

Does Mr Harrison need to be here, Joseph?

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Erm, actually, I'd prefer to stay.

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After all, I'd hate there to be any more "glitches".

0:15:420:15:45

Oh, with you around, Mr Harrison,

0:15:450:15:48

I'm sure everything will run like clockwork.

0:15:480:15:50

I pride myself I can deal with any old spanners

0:15:500:15:53

that get into those works.

0:15:530:15:56

Erm, before we start, could I get something to drink?

0:15:560:15:59

I'm parched.

0:15:590:16:01

Certainly, Miss Smith. Tea, coffee, anthrax?

0:16:010:16:05

-What was that?

-Nothing.

0:16:050:16:06

HE LAUGHS

0:16:060:16:09

No, I'll just have water, please.

0:16:100:16:13

Nice, clear water

0:16:150:16:16

-that I can see right through.

-Coming right up.

0:16:160:16:20

Wouldn't you like some, Joseph? It's hot in here.

0:16:200:16:23

I'm fine, thank you. Now, let's talk about the SerfBoard.

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Yes, let's.

0:16:270:16:30

-MR SMITH:

-Deep scan complete.

0:16:300:16:33

Ooh, tell us the worst.

0:16:330:16:35

The SerfBoard is a standard, low specification laptop computer.

0:16:350:16:39

-And?

-That is all.

-Well, it can't be.

0:16:390:16:42

The hologram, the big launch tonight.

0:16:420:16:44

-One in every home.

-Hold on.

0:16:440:16:46

(What if it's got him?)

0:16:510:16:55

I can hear you, Clyde, and no, it hasn't "got me".

0:16:550:16:59

It's not the first time you've said something was OK

0:16:590:17:02

and it turned out to be deadly. Remember the Rakweed?

0:17:020:17:05

Eh, leave it alone!

0:17:050:17:07

-We wait for the others to get back.

-But there's not much time.

0:17:070:17:11

How are you going to feel when everyone's going,

0:17:110:17:14

-"Serve the computer".

-Clyde.

0:17:140:17:17

-No.

-Oh, come on, the clock's ticking.

0:17:170:17:20

-Let's switch it on, see what it does.

-OK, but we do it my way.

0:17:200:17:23

We take precautions.

0:17:230:17:25

The implication for global communications...

0:17:270:17:31

Ooh, butter fingers!

0:17:310:17:34

Would you mind picking that up for me, Joseph?

0:17:340:17:37

Oh, please, Miss Smith.

0:17:370:17:40

Do use mine.

0:17:400:17:41

An electrical surge?

0:17:480:17:49

No, it feels strange. Coming from down below.

0:17:490:17:53

We'll tell Mum when she gets back.

0:17:530:17:55

LIFT PINGS

0:17:550:17:57

Let's take a look.

0:17:570:17:59

Come on, it's what you always do.

0:17:590:18:01

-I'll go. You go back to the car.

-Not a chance.

-Sky!

0:18:010:18:05

Going down.

0:18:070:18:09

-How's the liking each other thing going now?

-I'll let you know.

0:18:090:18:12

COMPUTER PLAYS A TUNE

0:18:150:18:17

-Hey, it was my idea!

-Yeah, but it needs a delicate touch.

0:18:210:18:24

Well, I'm delicate. In a very manly way.

0:18:240:18:28

I've got artists fingers.

0:18:280:18:30

SHE LAUGHS

0:18:300:18:33

Just like the old days. You and me. Having a laugh.

0:18:330:18:37

-Yeah, I meant to say, all that stuff with Ellie...

-It's OK.

0:18:370:18:42

Right, let's do this.

0:18:440:18:46

COMPUTER PLAYS A TUNE

0:18:480:18:50

SCREECHING

0:18:580:19:00

OK, I can't sense the electrical surge,

0:19:000:19:03

but I can hear that.

0:19:030:19:04

-Coming from further down.

-But this is the bottom floor.

0:19:040:19:08

Unless there's an override command. I can reverse-intuit the code.

0:19:080:19:13

LIFT PINGS

0:19:170:19:18

Knew it.

0:19:180:19:20

-There's nothing. Really, nothing. I'm going to take these off.

-Careful!

0:19:240:19:30

In fact, it's more than a bit rubbish.

0:19:330:19:35

It's bog standard. What's so special about this?

0:19:350:19:38

It's not the Board itself. That's normal.

0:19:380:19:41

-It looks cool, that's all.

-What did I tell you?

0:19:410:19:44

Then, what is going on?

0:19:440:19:47

Down here.

0:19:570:19:59

SCREECHING

0:20:190:20:24

Whatever it is, it's through there.

0:20:290:20:32

-It is the functionality...

-That's Mum.

0:20:340:20:37

I mean, you've revolutionised the entire concept of...

0:20:370:20:42

Our team of specialists made improving the functionality

0:20:420:20:45

their number one priority.

0:20:450:20:47

So, you must have been amazed, Joseph,

0:20:480:20:50

when you got your hand on the keyboard for the first time.

0:20:500:20:54

I mean, to see your dreams made into a solid reality.

0:20:540:20:57

I'd love to tell my readers how that felt.

0:20:570:20:59

From your...unique point of view.

0:20:590:21:02

It was a great moment. I always had faith in my tech guys.

0:21:020:21:06

Keep up! Keep up!

0:21:150:21:18

Well, ideas can be so intangible, can't they?

0:21:250:21:28

Oh, dear, what am I saying?

0:21:280:21:30

That's OK, Miss Smith.

0:21:300:21:33

Smile!

0:21:330:21:34

Joseph, are you all right?

0:21:410:21:43

Keep up! Keep up!

0:21:430:21:45

Oh! Keep up, keep up!

0:21:490:21:53

We all say thongs we don't moan.

0:21:540:21:58

Spelling! Spelling!

0:22:000:22:02

Forgove me. Things we don't mean.

0:22:040:22:07

Keep trying and smile again!

0:22:100:22:12

Thoughtful smile, not sexy smile!

0:22:170:22:20

-It's incredible.

-They're controlling him.

0:22:260:22:29

Everything he says and does, it's them.

0:22:290:22:32

What else do you want to know?

0:22:410:22:42

Ooh!

0:22:420:22:44

Spillage! Emergency stand!

0:22:440:22:46

Steady on, bum!

0:22:470:22:49

And one, two, three and up!

0:22:500:22:55

Quick, crease fabric!

0:22:590:23:01

I'm so sorry.

0:23:040:23:06

What a clumsy clot you are, Miss Smith.

0:23:060:23:09

One of our country's most famously shrewd journalists

0:23:090:23:14

is apparently such a loveable scatterbrain.

0:23:140:23:18

Well, Miss Moth...

0:23:180:23:20

Miss Smith, what else do you want to know?

0:23:230:23:26

-I just hope I can stop embarrassing myself for a start.

-Hypno to ten.

0:23:260:23:32

Hypno power to ten! Hypno power to ten!

0:23:320:23:35

She must trust! She must trust!

0:23:350:23:37

Mum!

0:23:370:23:39

You love the SerfBoard, Sarah Jane.

0:23:420:23:45

It's the most amazing computer you've ever seen.

0:23:450:23:49

Stronger, hypno! Stronger, hypno!

0:23:490:23:50

And I am the most amazing man you've ever seen.

0:23:550:24:00

Yes, yes, you're such a handsome man, Mr Serf.

0:24:000:24:04

But I'm an old hand at hypnotism and when it comes to men,

0:24:060:24:10

I actually prefer something I can grab hold of.

0:24:100:24:13

Got you!

0:24:130:24:14

Failure! Light structure failed!

0:24:140:24:17

Failed! Stand down. Await orders.

0:24:170:24:20

This is alien technology.

0:24:230:24:26

And it's pretty erratic.

0:24:280:24:32

Alien technology?

0:24:320:24:34

You mean, something that's not made on this planet. Like this?

0:24:340:24:38

-One false move, Miss Smith, and you are dead.

-Mum! No!

0:24:420:24:48

Intruders!

0:24:480:24:50

SHE SCREAMS

0:24:500:24:51

-You!

-Please, let her go!

0:25:020:25:04

She's my sister. She's just a child, please!

0:25:040:25:08

You! You!

0:25:080:25:10

They're going to kill us.

0:25:100:25:11

You must escape! Run!

0:25:120:25:15

What? What?!

0:25:160:25:19

What do you know? Who do you work for?

0:25:190:25:22

Oh, Mr Harrison.

0:25:220:25:24

This is not exactly a new experience for me.

0:25:240:25:27

'You're not going to fire that gun.'

0:25:270:25:30

-Do you want to bet?

-I don't think you've ever fired that gun.

-No.

0:25:300:25:35

But there's a first time for everything!

0:25:350:25:38

I'm walking out now. You won't stop me.

0:25:390:25:43

Sky, what are you doing?!

0:25:430:25:45

SERF WHOOPS AND SQUEAKS

0:25:460:25:50

Grab her!

0:25:500:25:52

Lipstick that bites? How very interesting.

0:25:540:25:59

MR SERF CHIRRUPS

0:25:590:26:00

Berr berr berr berr berr.

0:26:000:26:03

-'What are you doing down there?!'

-Berr berr berr berr berr.

0:26:030:26:07

Level five, PUNISH!

0:26:070:26:10

DEVICE EMITS PIERCING WAIL

0:26:100:26:11

ALL: Aaaarrghh!

0:26:110:26:13

-Luke, make it stop, make it stop!

-I can't!

0:26:130:26:17

Ooooh, ooohh...

0:26:170:26:21

Work, work!

0:26:210:26:23

I'm sorry. I...must have blunked out there for a second.

0:26:250:26:30

My goadness, what's happening?

0:26:300:26:32

Plark, forget it. It's too late now!

0:26:320:26:38

What are they doing in there?

0:26:380:26:40

-Oh, no!

-Emergency!

0:26:420:26:43

Intruders in Light Chamber!

0:26:430:26:45

Luke, Sky, get out of there!

0:26:450:26:47

Run, run, run!

0:26:470:26:50

Come on!

0:26:500:26:52

ALARM BUZZES

0:26:520:26:55

Argh!

0:26:580:26:59

-Should be back by now. Come on, Luke, answer!

-Sky, answer, come on!

0:26:590:27:05

'Oh, pick it up for once, Sarah Jane!'

0:27:050:27:08

-That's my phone!

-Welcome to the club.

0:27:100:27:12

I've had seven in the last two years.

0:27:120:27:14

-Sarah Jane!

-Mum!

-Thank goodness you're all right!

0:27:140:27:19

Bizarre! I expected high-class industrial spies,

0:27:190:27:23

not Mumsnet(!)

0:27:230:27:24

-Mum, the hologram.

-There are aliens working it. They're slaves!

0:27:240:27:28

Coming, Master!

0:27:280:27:29

Plark.

0:27:310:27:33

Master?

0:27:330:27:34

You let these human children roam free!

0:27:340:27:37

-Master, no, please, master!

-Level seven,

0:27:370:27:40

-PUNISH!

-Master! Aagghhh!

0:27:400:27:43

Stop it!

0:27:430:27:45

PLARK SCREAMS

0:27:450:27:47

-You're hurting these creatures!

-Poor little Skullions?

0:27:470:27:52

Read my lips, Pollyanna. I. Don't. Care.

0:27:520:27:56

Plark, get back to work!

0:27:560:27:58

Thank you, Master. Love master!

0:27:580:28:00

-What are you doing to them?

-The Skullions?

0:28:010:28:04

They merely need a firm hand.

0:28:040:28:07

Listen, I can help you and help them, I can get them home.

0:28:070:28:10

I don't need your help, I'm doing fine!

0:28:100:28:12

They're intelligent, you can't treat them like that!

0:28:120:28:15

-Can't I? I paid enough for them.

-You BOUGHT them?!

0:28:150:28:18

A ship crash-landed in Central Asia. The survivors were put up for sale.

0:28:180:28:23

-What do you mean, "up for sale"?

-Oh, didn't you know?

0:28:230:28:27

There's a black market in alien species. If you know where to look.

0:28:270:28:31

They're smuggled across Europe in crates, then across the Channel.

0:28:310:28:35

A slave trade in aliens. Packing them up in boxes, torturing them.

0:28:350:28:39

It's appalling! I can't believe anybody could be so...

0:28:390:28:43

Successful?

0:28:430:28:45

Ha-ha-ha! You're so naive.

0:28:450:28:48

-This is the way the world works.

-Not in my world!

0:28:480:28:52

Yes, it is. Money is exchanged for goods and services.

0:28:520:28:56

Plenty of bidders at auction, but I paid millions.

0:28:560:29:00

-To make billions.

-It's disgusting. You're disgusting!

0:29:000:29:04

I do my best.

0:29:040:29:06

I'm beginning to understand this. There's nothing special

0:29:060:29:10

-about the Serf Board, is there?

-It's rubbish, yes.

0:29:100:29:14

It's not the board, it's Serf, the hologram. He's hypnotic.

0:29:140:29:17

-He can make you desperate to buy one.

-Very good, carry on.

0:29:170:29:20

In a few hours, the launch... it'll be televised the world over.

0:29:200:29:24

Serf hypnotises the entire world to buy a Serf Board.

0:29:240:29:27

And you make a fortune! That's all it is. The slaves...just money!

0:29:270:29:31

Just profit!

0:29:310:29:33

Shock, horror(!)

0:29:330:29:35

Right, enough debate!

0:29:350:29:38

Put the kids in storage five.

0:29:380:29:40

No, you leave my children alone!

0:29:400:29:42

-Luke, you look after her!

-I will!

0:29:420:29:45

-You dare harm my children...

-I'll deal with them, and you, later.

0:29:450:29:50

After the launch.

0:29:500:29:52

This way.

0:29:520:29:53

I'm going to stop this. I am going to stop you.

0:29:530:29:56

What are you going to do? Hit me with your handbag(?)

0:29:560:29:59

Are you hurting them?

0:30:030:30:05

Are you hurting the little people?

0:30:050:30:08

You are SCUM!

0:30:090:30:12

Hold on, hold on! I'm a prisoner just like you!

0:30:120:30:16

The aliens aren't bad, Harrison is.

0:30:160:30:19

How could he do that? It just makes me so ANGRY!

0:30:190:30:22

Humans used other humans as slaves for centuries.

0:30:220:30:25

Every culture, the world over.

0:30:250:30:27

Nobody challenged them until a few hundred years ago.

0:30:270:30:29

And in some places it still goes on.

0:30:290:30:32

-Is this what humans are like?

-Not all of them.

0:30:320:30:37

Come here.

0:30:370:30:39

I can sleep somewhere else in the house.

0:30:410:30:44

What?

0:30:440:30:45

If you want your room back.

0:30:470:30:50

I think it upset you but...

0:30:500:30:52

you're not telling me.

0:30:520:30:55

It doesn't matter.

0:30:550:30:57

And this isn't the time!

0:30:570:30:59

This morning, a little man pulled me into the lift.

0:31:000:31:04

The guards came, they hurt him.

0:31:040:31:06

I saw others, many others.

0:31:060:31:10

The guards locked me away.

0:31:110:31:13

The Skullions. One of them must have tried to escape.

0:31:130:31:17

They must be desperate.

0:31:170:31:18

They are dying...

0:31:180:31:20

and we will die here, too.

0:31:200:31:21

No! We're going to get out of here!

0:31:210:31:24

And the little people, we MUST help them!

0:31:240:31:27

Sarah Jane Smith.

0:31:270:31:29

Adriana Petrescu.

0:31:310:31:33

Adriana, you've just restored my faith in the human race!

0:31:330:31:37

In just two hours time the Serf Board will be revealed to the world,

0:31:370:31:40

'right here at Serf Systems.

0:31:400:31:42

'The eyes of the world will be on this building.

0:31:420:31:45

'After months of rumours, leaks -

0:31:450:31:47

'some say deliberate leaks -

0:31:470:31:49

'and endless speculation, we'll finally get the answers

0:31:490:31:53

'revealed by the secretive Mr Joseph Serf.'

0:31:530:31:55

-MR SMITH:

-'That was the latest news transmission.'

0:31:550:31:58

We've got to get over to the launch. We can take Luke's car!

0:31:580:32:01

Clyde, it's the media event of the century.

0:32:010:32:03

We can't just gatecrash it like it's Adam Jenkins' party!

0:32:030:32:07

Give me a minute. Mr Smith! Access Serf Systems hospitality.

0:32:080:32:11

-Get your best clothes.

-'Accessing initiated.'

0:32:110:32:14

-Move!

-'Logging in to Serf intranet.'

0:32:140:32:18

DOOR BANGS AND HISSES

0:32:220:32:24

Bring food for the young ones. You like us, prisoners.

0:32:340:32:39

Thanks.

0:32:400:32:42

-You need this more than we do.

-No, you drink.

0:32:440:32:47

Pure water burns.

0:32:470:32:49

What do you drink?

0:32:490:32:51

Orange, lemon juice, citrus.

0:32:510:32:54

Hey, stop!

0:32:540:32:56

No! Girl stay!

0:32:560:32:57

We can help you, let us out of here!

0:32:570:32:59

You stay! Or master punish!

0:32:590:33:03

Oh. You need help.

0:33:110:33:13

No. No help!

0:33:150:33:16

You stay!

0:33:180:33:20

He can't go against his master, or he gets another shock.

0:33:210:33:25

The collars are controlled through Harrison's pen.

0:33:250:33:29

We can't do anything to help the slaves until we get it off him!

0:33:290:33:32

If we could tell Clyde and Rani,

0:33:320:33:34

-get them to grab it.

-How?

0:33:340:33:36

They've destroyed our phones.

0:33:360:33:39

What about your dog whistle?

0:33:400:33:41

K9's miles away, he'd never hear it.

0:33:410:33:45

He's too far away.

0:33:450:33:48

We've got to think of something.

0:33:480:33:51

What about Mr Smith? Could he hear it?

0:33:510:33:53

Yes! YES!

0:33:530:33:56

You are SO my sister!

0:33:560:33:59

Rani, the launch starts in an hour!

0:33:590:34:02

Oh. You look great.

0:34:020:34:04

I've done it!

0:34:060:34:07

MR SMITH COUGHS

0:34:070:34:09

-'WE have done it!'

-Whatever!

0:34:090:34:11

OK, we're in!

0:34:110:34:14

Trevor and Janet Sharp.

0:34:140:34:16

Trevor, do I look like a Trevor?

0:34:160:34:19

Although I am sharp.

0:34:190:34:20

They're journalists, from Twilight Years magazine,

0:34:200:34:23

-for the over 60s.

-Geriatric News? Couldn't you do better?

0:34:230:34:26

They're the only ones on the list that won't turn up.

0:34:260:34:29

'Mr And Mrs Sharp are stranded at Orly Airport,

0:34:290:34:32

'thanks to a...a-hem, computer malfunction.'

0:34:320:34:35

Mr and Mrs?

0:34:350:34:36

Oh, yeah, and they're, er, married.

0:34:360:34:39

Right. Right. The cavalry's coming, and it's me and the missus.

0:34:390:34:43

-My old Dutch.

-Shut up Clyde. Come on!

0:34:430:34:45

'Wait a moment! I'm picking up a high-frequency, modulated signal,

0:34:450:34:48

'in Morse code!'

0:34:480:34:51

Brilliant!

0:34:530:34:55

'The transmission is on the command frequency of K-9.'

0:34:550:34:58

-It must be Luke, the whistle!

-Or it's a trap.

0:34:580:35:01

How do we know it's Luke for sure?

0:35:010:35:03

'Deciphering...

0:35:030:35:05

'Message begins, Clani...'

0:35:050:35:08

Yeah, that's Luke!

0:35:080:35:09

'Grab...Harrison's...

0:35:090:35:13

'..P-E-N. Full stop.'

0:35:130:35:17

Never been so glad to see a full stop. What does it mean?

0:35:170:35:20

What it says. Grab his pen!

0:35:200:35:23

Ready to go through with this?

0:35:230:35:25

I will help the little people. I'm ready.

0:35:250:35:28

I hope I am. It's an oldie but a goodie.

0:35:280:35:31

Go!

0:35:310:35:33

Help, help! This crazy woman, she's trying to kill me!

0:35:330:35:36

Help, please!

0:35:360:35:38

Help, please!

0:35:380:35:40

Owww!

0:35:430:35:45

Hey! Well done! Let's go!

0:35:450:35:49

There must be no mistakes!

0:35:590:36:02

Everything at the launch must go exactly according to plan!

0:36:020:36:07

Yes, Master, yes, Master!

0:36:070:36:11

This time, you are working for your lives!

0:36:110:36:14

Fail me...

0:36:140:36:16

and it's level ten punish!

0:36:160:36:19

THE SKULLIONS CHATTER

0:36:190:36:22

Master?

0:36:220:36:24

-What do you want?

-We thirst.

0:36:300:36:33

We so thirsty.

0:36:330:36:35

Oooh, dear(!)

0:36:360:36:38

Shall I give you all a drink?

0:36:380:36:41

No, Master! Please, Master!

0:36:470:36:50

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

0:36:510:36:52

No! Water burns, water burns!

0:36:520:36:55

You get the message?

0:36:570:36:59

WORK!

0:37:010:37:02

PLARK HISSES

0:37:030:37:05

Luke! Oh, Sky!

0:37:090:37:13

Come on! Listen, I've got a plan.

0:37:130:37:16

But first we need to get that pen away from Harrison!

0:37:160:37:19

-We've got that covered.

-What? How?

-You've got gifted kids.

0:37:190:37:23

Hi.

0:37:230:37:24

Can I just check that for you?

0:37:270:37:30

That's lovely, thank you.

0:37:300:37:32

Right, just in time. Where is he, where is Harrison?

0:37:320:37:38

He's over there.

0:37:380:37:40

Oh, he doesn't look like much.

0:37:400:37:41

And what's his pen got to do with it?

0:37:410:37:44

Oh, there we go, top pocket.

0:37:550:37:58

Ready, ready, ready! Near time, near time!

0:38:070:38:11

Oh, this place is terrible.

0:38:110:38:14

The smell!

0:38:140:38:15

But look!

0:38:150:38:16

-They got the message!

-Wow, you are gifted, aren't you?

0:38:180:38:21

No, no! Go, go, go!

0:38:210:38:23

It's OK! We're going to help you!

0:38:230:38:25

No help! Master punish!

0:38:250:38:27

-Not for much longer. Leave it to Clyde and Rani!

-What then?

0:38:270:38:31

Your gifted mum's got that covered. Or she will have. Wait here!

0:38:310:38:34

Adriana, I need something from you.

0:38:340:38:38

Right!

0:38:390:38:40

Here goes!

0:38:400:38:42

Hello, hello! New faces, good to see you!

0:38:430:38:46

-Keeps me young. Lionel Carson.

-Trevor.

0:38:460:38:50

Call me Trev. Meet Janet,

0:38:500:38:53

the trouble and strife.

0:38:530:38:55

Oh, Trev, my old ball and chain.

0:38:550:38:56

You're from Twilight Years?

0:38:560:38:59

-What?

-New approach. We're the voice of youth.

0:38:590:39:02

We're opinion formers! We give a stairlift a five-star review,

0:39:020:39:05

and watch the sales rocket!

0:39:050:39:08

Rocket in a very steady and safe way.

0:39:080:39:11

Yeah, wouldn't want to give our readers any big shocks!

0:39:110:39:14

There aren't enough stars in the skies for the Serf Board!

0:39:140:39:17

Everyone will love it. I know you will.

0:39:170:39:19

PHONE RINGS

0:39:190:39:21

Escaped?

0:39:230:39:25

Well, then find her! NOW!

0:39:250:39:28

Mr Harrison, isn't it? Janet Sharp, Twilight Years.

0:39:280:39:32

Do you mind if I grab a quick word?

0:39:320:39:33

Mr Carson,

0:39:350:39:37

-could I borrow a pen?

-Help yourself.

-Thank you.

0:39:370:39:41

Send that message now, Mr Smith! Urgent rescue flight needed!

0:39:470:39:50

Co-ordinates...the roof of the Serf Systems compound.

0:39:500:39:54

Yeah.

0:39:540:39:55

'Earth calling Skultos. Light Sculptors imprisoned.

0:39:560:40:01

'Dispatch rescue vehicle immediately,

0:40:010:40:04

'urgent, to these co-ordinates.'

0:40:040:40:07

That is amazing. Ooh, bum!

0:40:100:40:14

Pen's run out, can I borrow yours?

0:40:140:40:16

Yes, here. Look, keep it. Thank you, I've got to go, it's almost time.

0:40:160:40:21

Sorry, mate.

0:40:210:40:23

Waste of time!

0:40:250:40:26

Three cheers for the old switcheroo.

0:40:280:40:31

-He did it!

-Right! They're free!

0:40:340:40:37

Free!

0:40:390:40:40

ALL: Free, free!

0:40:400:40:41

Free, free!

0:40:410:40:45

-Clyde's got the pen!

-Oh, brilliant!

0:40:450:40:47

Plark! Come, bring your people up to the roof, quickly.

0:40:470:40:50

Rescue's on its way! Skultos. Home! Come on, now!

0:40:500:40:55

Quick, follow us!

0:40:550:40:57

You two stay here and keep an eye on Harrison.

0:40:580:41:01

-But...

-Mum's right, Sky.

0:41:010:41:02

See you soon!

0:41:020:41:04

-Come on! RUN!

-Run, run, run!

0:41:040:41:07

Hi, I'm Joseph Serf.

0:41:110:41:13

I'm here to introduce the Serf Board from Serf Systems,

0:41:130:41:17

the world's newest,

0:41:170:41:19

and best, portable computer.

0:41:190:41:21

The 15th at 5pm.

0:41:210:41:24

A moment of history.

0:41:240:41:26

But I don't get it, it's just a pen.

0:41:260:41:30

Don't play with it!

0:41:300:41:31

Mine, I think, Janet!

0:41:330:41:35

Enjoy the show.

0:41:360:41:39

Get ready, Plark, the time is now!

0:41:420:41:45

'Just one mistake and it's double ten!'

0:41:450:41:48

No! He's got the pen back!

0:41:480:41:50

'..from Serf Systems.'

0:41:500:41:52

If the hologram doesn't obey, he'll know something's wrong!

0:41:520:41:55

He'll hurt them, stop them getting away.

0:41:550:41:58

We've got to work Serf!

0:41:580:42:00

-What?

-Come on!

0:42:000:42:02

We've got to drive the hologram ourselves.

0:42:020:42:05

Come on, come on!

0:42:100:42:12

-But they are free?

-Almost, Adriana! Almost!

0:42:120:42:17

So before we go through to meet the Serf Board,

0:42:170:42:21

let's meet the man

0:42:210:42:23

behind the Serf Board.

0:42:230:42:26

Joseph Serf!

0:42:260:42:28

Ha-ha-hum...

0:42:380:42:40

Mr Joseph Serf!

0:42:400:42:42

-Ready?

-You bet!

0:42:430:42:45

Serf! Now, now, now!

0:42:450:42:47

Left leg. Right leg. Left leg. Right leg.

0:42:490:42:51

Walk! WALK!

0:42:540:42:57

AUDIENCE CLAPS

0:42:580:43:01

Fella's been drinking.

0:43:010:43:04

Welcome to my lovely lunch.

0:43:150:43:19

My lovely launch.

0:43:230:43:25

Whoa, I AM gorgeous.

0:43:290:43:32

-He'd never say that!

-First thing I could think of!

0:43:320:43:35

-You keep him talking!

-What a beautiful day, boys and girls.

0:43:390:43:44

Remember, he's American!

0:43:470:43:49

Yee-ha!

0:43:490:43:51

As I woke up,

0:43:530:43:55

put my grits on the griddle, I thought,

0:43:550:43:57

"What a cotton-pickin' day to launch a new computer!"

0:43:570:44:01

What? What? You've been watching Toy Story again.

0:44:010:44:04

He's going to use the pen. No!

0:44:070:44:10

Aaarrghhh!

0:44:120:44:14

The pen!

0:44:190:44:21

Get the pen!

0:44:210:44:23

Aaaarrghh!

0:44:230:44:26

He's hypnotic. We've got to turn up the hypno-power.

0:44:290:44:32

Listen, everybody.

0:44:360:44:38

I want you to grab the pen from Harrison!

0:44:380:44:40

Grab the pen from him!

0:44:400:44:43

THEY SHOUT

0:44:430:44:46

I say, that's not on! Leave her alone!

0:44:460:44:49

Smash it!

0:44:520:44:54

SMASH IT!

0:44:540:44:56

THEY SHOUT: Smash it!

0:44:560:44:59

No! No! No!

0:44:590:45:02

It's stopped.

0:45:050:45:06

Go home! The Serf Board is rubbish! Bog standard!

0:45:090:45:14

Cobblers! Garbage!

0:45:140:45:16

Go home. Tell everyone!

0:45:160:45:18

-No!

-Of course it is. Stupid computers.

0:45:180:45:22

"Nothing wrong with a typewriter," says I.

0:45:220:45:25

It's grade A, 100% toot! It's bobbins. It's trash.

0:45:260:45:33

In fact, you think it's rubbish, go home, tell everyone!

0:45:330:45:37

I've got a weird feeling about him.

0:45:370:45:39

Hi, Clani!

0:45:410:45:42

I knew it!

0:45:430:45:45

Go to the roof.

0:45:480:45:49

Bye, Clani!

0:45:510:45:52

We did it!

0:45:570:45:59

Where's Harrison?

0:45:590:46:01

Sarah Jane Smith! Step away from them!

0:46:030:46:07

-You're too late. I said I'd stop you!

-You and whose army?

0:46:070:46:10

-THUNDER CRACKS

-Ah. That army!

0:46:100:46:12

We go now.

0:46:220:46:24

Thank you, thank you!

0:46:240:46:26

You good people!

0:46:280:46:30

I think that's your ride!

0:46:300:46:32

Quick! Come on!

0:46:330:46:35

Home!

0:46:450:46:46

-No! I paid millions! No!

-Wait!

0:46:470:46:51

No! You belong to me! You're mine, mine!

0:46:510:46:54

Yes!

0:46:570:46:59

-That was a spaceship.

-What will they do to Harrison?

0:47:070:47:11

-Set him to work, I hope.

-But it's amazing, amazing!

0:47:110:47:13

Er...who's this again?

0:47:130:47:16

I'm just the cleaner.

0:47:160:47:18

I mean, I WAS the cleaner. I have no job now.

0:47:180:47:20

So you people, you do this all the time?

0:47:200:47:24

That's wonderful!

0:47:240:47:25

Give this lot a call. Mention my name.

0:47:250:47:28

You're just the kind of agent they need, put them back on track.

0:47:280:47:31

And the pay will be very good, I'll make sure of that.

0:47:310:47:35

'The Serf Board failed to live up the hype,

0:47:370:47:39

'and Joseph Serf disappeared after a disappointing...'

0:47:390:47:42

That's enough, Mr Smith.

0:47:420:47:44

-Well, I'm certainly not disappointed!

-Oh, poor Mr Serf.

0:47:440:47:48

The real Mr Serf.

0:47:480:47:50

Nobody will ever know what really happened to him.

0:47:500:47:53

-Done it.

-Sky, could you get that CD you promised me, please?

0:47:540:47:58

Sure. Won't be a second.

0:47:580:48:01

-What are you two up to?

-Nothing!

0:48:050:48:08

Sorry, Sarah Jane, it's a family thing!

0:48:080:48:11

Hi, Sky!

0:48:180:48:19

What's going on...?

0:48:190:48:21

Present for you. I got Clyde to do it.

0:48:210:48:24

For me?

0:48:240:48:25

It's your room, isn't it?

0:48:250:48:27

-It's great!

-Nothing's too good for my sister!

0:48:270:48:31

Come here.

0:48:310:48:33

'I've seen amazing things out there in space...

0:48:340:48:38

'..but strange things can happen wherever you are.

0:48:410:48:44

'I've learned that life on Earth can be an adventure, too.'

0:48:440:48:49

-Mum?

-Oh, Luke!

0:48:510:48:53

'In all the universe, I never expected to find a family.'

0:48:530:48:58

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:49:230:49:26

E-mail [email protected]

0:49:260:49:29

Everyone wants the brand new SerfBoard - and why not? What could be so dangerous about a computer? Luke and Sky must help the Skullions - but Sarah Jane in is danger too, so who will they save?


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