I Am Not in Love The Story of Tracy Beaker

My new phone is amazing.

I can call any time, from anywhere.

That could be why they call it a mobile.

-PHONE BEEPS

-You've got a voice message.

I knew that.

-I'll listen to it later.

-You don't know how to pick it up, do you?

-Not exactly. But this morning I sent my first text.

-You must be so proud.

-When people don't know how to use their mobiles, they're asking for trouble.

-Oh, no!

I don't like the sound of that.

HUMS TO HERSELF

-We're gonna get caught.

-Think positive and keep watch.

I should never have let you talk me into this.

Act normal!

This is the stupidest plan I've ever heard.

-Quit complaining and embrace the moment.

-I am... It's never going to work.

Dear Duke...

Dear Duke... I love you!

I love you too, man. I'm sorry if I moan a lot but...

No, you stupid idiot! That's what Shelley says to Duke in the message.

Oh. I knew that.

It's no good. It needs to be more flowery.

-More romantic.

-You see? There's where your whole plan falls apart.

We can't do romance.

Did I tell you my parting's down the middle?

-You've got lots of partings, everywhere.

-Oh. Good.

Hayley?!

-That's bubble-gum!

-Bubble-gum?

We'll get the scissors.

No, no... bubble-gum's fine.

Well, um, it's definitely an improvement.

Thanks.

-Tracy! There you are.

-So?

Well, we've got to write this poem.

A love poem for, um...

-For class.

-Yes. We need a few romantic lines and you're the most talented, creative person we know.

What stuff like "You're my sun, my stars, without you I'm in total darkness"?

That kind of rubbish.

-That's exactly what we need.

-You're really good at this, Wilson.

Oh, please! It's not as if it requires any intelligence.

"I send you a thousand kisses, but send me none in return as they burn a fire through my soul."

I mean, excuse me while I go puke for a week.

Fire through my soul.

That's really good, Tracy, thanks!

Oh, wow, Duke's going to be totally...

Duke's going to be totally...

here any minute. We should finish our homework.

Deep down inside, you two really are romantic.

Very, very deep down.

We couldn't find scissors, so we got pliers.

He's never going to fall for it.

PHONE BEEPS

"Dear Duke...

-"You are my moon, my stars, my everything..."

-I stand corrected.

We've got to return Shelley's phone.

Oh, no... what if she's already realised it's missing?!

Man, you need to learn to relax.

Ow! Tracy, help me get this junk out my hair!

Touch your hair? I don't think so.

Please? My mum won't be impressed if I turn up like this.

Hold still.

You're visiting your mum tomorrow?

Yeah. But I'm not looking forward to it, though. Well, I am...

-but it's the first time I've seen her since...

-Don't worry, I'm sure she'll be pleased to see you.

Well, well.

I never thought I'd see the day Tracy Beaker had a crush on a boy.

-What?! I don't even like Wilson!

-Thanks very much.

It's sickeningly obvious. Tracy Beaker is in love.

I am not in love!

He's an ugly, boring geek!

It's OK. I'm not offended.

Well, you should be!

Having technical difficulties, Duke?

I got a text message but I can't work out who it's from.

What did it say?

That's private.

You could always phone back the number the text came from.

-See who answers.

-Great idea! You're a genius!

Hello?

Don't you just hate that when nobody leaves a message?

Er, yeah. So rude.

A rose? For me?

I thought it'd be nice for you to grow in the garden.

Nobody's ever given me a rose before.

Oh, glad I could be the first.

Hi, Duke. Bye, Duke.

Funny, isn't it?

-What is?

-Funny how sometimes you just don't realise how other people feel about you.

How you can spend every day with somebody, and think you know them.

Then you find out they have these feelings you never even knew existed.

-Did someone say something?

-No, I was just saying. It could make things pretty awkward.

OK, listen. I don't know what Justine's been saying, but she's a liar! I do not fancy Wilson.

I'm totally cool around him.

I am the Queen of Cool.

CAR HORN BEEPS That's for me.

Tracy!

-Before you jump down my throat... I'm really sorry I'm late.

-It's OK. I totally understand.

You understand? You mean you're not going to spend the afternoon trying to hurt my feelings?

Why would I want to do that?

Tracy! See you later!

Yeah, bye, whatever. Now look what you made me do!

-Just leave me alone!

-You OK?

I was distracted. Not by Wilson - by the sun.

It was in my eyes.

-Sorry.

-Could we have a private chat? There's something I want to get off my chest.

There are things I'd like to say too.

Right.

OK, in my office after lunch?

I said bye to Wilson because he said it to me first. It would have been rude not to.

I wouldn't have minded whether I'd said goodbye to Wilson or not.

I mean, I'm gonna see him later.

But I think he's feeling a bit emotional. His mum's in hospital.

Not that I'm worried about his mum or anything.

I haven't even met her. He's the one who's worried.

He plays the guitar - did I mention that?

He's made quite an impression on you.

Wilson? What do you mean?!

Like, you haven't stopped talking about him all day.

He's actually very, very annoying. Like you.

Check it out.

You stole Duke's phone?

-I prefer the word "borrowed".

-We'll be in so much trouble.

We have to write Shelley a message from Duke. It has to be really romantic this time.

It's about your new phone.

I think I know where this is going, and it's time we cleared the air.

Good.

I'm concerned your new phone is, well, distracting you from your work.

That's not my fault, is it?

Frankly, I think it is.

But I thought I was your moon, your stars, your everything?

I beg your pardon?

There's no use denying it.

I saved the text you sent me. Look.

Oh, I don't seem to have my phone right now.

I think there's been some mistake.

-PHONE BEEPS

-It's a text message. From you.

Me?!

"Roses grow in my heart for you.

"All my love...Duck."

It seems you've misspelled your own name.

It's the kids.

I knew that.

Quick! Shelley's coming!

House meeting. Tell everyone who's old enough to spell, I want them in here immediately.

NOW!

Right. OK, everyone.

Someone has been sending Duke and me text messages.

And now Duke's phone has gone missing.

I want to know who's responsible.

-What kind of messages?

-The romantic kind!

Something funny, Tracy Beaker?

Actually, yes. Oh, go on, admit it, Shelley.

As a practical joke, this one's pretty good.

If the person with Duke's phone refuses to own up...

You'll text them something mean?

PHONE RINGS

What?

I have no idea how that got there.

-Oh, really?

-You think I did this?

-Didn't you?

I'm not even going to answer that.

-In that case, you're on bathroom duty.

-That's so unfair.

It wasn't Tracy who sent the messages. I'm responsible.

I hid Duke's phone in Tracy's bag.

You were trying to get me into trouble?

Thanks a lot!

OK, Wilson, you can start on the bathroom right away.

Somehow I don't think I'm ready for a mobile phone yet.

-Phew! That was close!

-You did this?

You sent the text messages?

At first I was against the whole thing...

but now, I think it'll go down in history as a classic.

But why did Wilson take the blame?

How sweet. Looks like Tracy Beaker's got her own knight in shining armour.

I don't need a knight in shining armour.

-I know you didn't do it, so why'd you take the blame?

-Erm...

I love the smell of disinfectant?

-I can look after myself, Wilson. I don't need you.

-I didn't want you to get in trouble.

I shouldn't have taken the blame. I'm an idiot.

I hate the smell of disinfectant.

I suppose I could keep you company.

I'd like that.

-Tracy?

-Yeah?

-Would you come to the hospital with me tomorrow?

You want me to come to see your mum?

Only if you want to. It's just I don't want to go alone. And...

well...the truth is...

I really like you, Tracy Beaker.

That's nice.

But there's really no need to say it out loud.

Maybe if you go this way and I go this...

Yeah. OK... I like you.

So what?

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