The Snake The Story of Tracy Beaker

# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see me through

-# It doesn't matter What may come my way...

-No! No!

# Believe me now I will win some day. #

Hurry up, it's feeding time.

Um...he's not here.

-What?!

-He's not in his box.

-Course he is!

You're just not looking proper.

He's not there!

-He's not in his box.

-What's the matter? What is it?

He's...gone!

No...

-What kind of monster gets up your nose?

-A bogeyman!

-THEY GIGGLE

-Sid.

What's the difference between an elephant and a biscuit?

Have you ever tried dipping an elephant into a cup of tea?!

It's funny.

Uh-oh. Red alert, red alert - we have a sense of humour failure.

I repeat, we have a sense of humour failure.

SIREN BLARES

OK, Sid...

this'll make you laugh. Bounce, do your Dot Cotton impression.

You're such a pretty girl, Sonia!

-OK, Dot Cotton being attacked by piranha fish.

-Sonia! Sonia!

Oh, come on, Sid.

This is really hilarious. Bounce, do your exploding alien.

Yeah...

Later, boys.

-There's something wrong with him.

-Doesn't he realise we're the funniest people here?

-Comedy dream team - that's us.

-If we can't make him laugh, no-one can.

He was like my best mate.

I could tell him anything.

Call yourself a Wellard? Wellards don't cry over nothing.

-But...

-Nothing - got it?

Me and Roxy are family. We're the only ones you need.

Now, let's split up and search.

Hi. My name's Bouncer and when I grow up, I wanna be a pop star.

# I just can't get you outta my head

# Boy, you're lovin' is all I think about... #

-Have you been drinking that fizzy drink with all the additives?

-No.

-We're just trying to make you laugh.

-You know, like this.

I laugh as much as anyone else.

-What? You never find anything funny.

-I have a finely-honed appreciation of comic irony.

-Yeah?

So when was the last time you had a good proper giggle?

# La, la, la La, la, la-la-la... #

Has anyone seen Marco?

-Sorry.

-We were supposed to be making an animal hospital.

-Oh, dear.

Tell me the truth...

Am I a humourless grump?

No, come on. This is serious.

-Tell me.

-You've had a very heavy workload recently.

-Is that code for "you've got no sense of humour"?

-Well...

It's... Everyone has...

Yeah.

That's ridiculous! I like a laugh as much as the next man.

Aw!

-Gotcha!

-It's only plastic!

That's childish and silly and it's totally unfunny. Isn't it?

What's wrong with you?

Are you looking for Marco too?

-No, the snake's got out.

-Cool. A snake?

-His name's Rex.

Go on, Rio, go and look in the hall.

Go on. I heard a noise.

What kind of snake is he?

A slithery one. Lives near water.

Get a grip or I'm not helping. Got it?

I just couldn't bear it if anything happened to him.

-Perfect. This can't fail.

-Thank you.

-I'm sure my bum looks big in this.

-Oh, massive, massive.

-The size of a large asteroid.

-Enough of your cheek, Edna. Go in before your tights fall down.

Off you go, little girl. We have an appointment with the manager of this magnificent establishment.

-He doesn't laugh much.

-If ever.

Edna, I'm off again.

-Hit me with your handbag. Not that hard!

-Sorry!

Good afternoon. We're here to foster a couple of children.

Two...nice...bright...kiddies.

No smelly ones. We don't want any riff-raff.

You're rehearsing a play.

Ah, I see what you're doing...

What are you doing?

You really do have a problem.

-Have you seen Marco?

-Sorry.

Crash, you know about snakes, don't you?

Snakes?

Um...yeah! I know about snakes.

Every type, every mutation, every variety.

I wouldn't risk being caught face to face with one, though,

and not know if whether it's a suffocater or a venom-spitter.

Are you scared of them?

No way! Snakes are...

-cool.

-OK.

Which snakes live near water?

Boa constrictors.

They eat anything from a mouse to a live antelope.

That's what Rio's got, then.

You're joking!

No. We have to find it before it gets really hungry.

I'll get Jackie to help.

Sid, there's a massive boa constrictor loose in the Dumping Ground. You've got to do something!

Yeah, nice try, Crash. You nearly had me laughing.

Maybe if you'd said there's a six-foot celery-snorting Yeti,

I might have giggled. But a snake? Nah, bit predictable, really.

-Sorry.

-I'm not joking, Sid.

-There's a very large, very hungry boa constrictor somewhere here!

-Ooh(!)

Health and safety won't allow it. What are you going to do?

Forget it, Crash. It does not get more funny the more you labour it.

Hang on, hang on.

On a scale of one to ten, how funny would you say this is?

-"What did one earwig say to the other earwig as they fell out the tree?"

-I don't know. What?

"Earwig-o, earwig-o, earwig-o."

It's not funny.

-You see anything?

-No.

-AH!

-What?

Something's there.

It's only a vacuum cleaner.

Of course. I knew that...

Jackie.

Wow. Marco! >

Jackie! Layla! Pie and blancmange. Come and get it!

PA-A-A-A-A-RP!

ALL LAUGH

The blancmange is off!

Well, at least it's better than Crash's snake joke.

No, Sid. There really is a snake. Really, really.

Ooh! And I'm Posh Beckham's grandmother(!)

It's Rio's. He's been keeping it a secret under Chantal's bed.

And now he's gone!

We can't find Marco anywhere, but we found Rio's snake.

Oh, yes!

- I'm afraid it's bad news. - Oh, no-o-o-o-o-o!

Sorry, Rio, he's dead.

By the look of things, he's been that way a long time.

-We put him in Crash's snooker cue box.

-His need is greater.

SID SNIGGERS

Sorry, it's just...

-the long box.

-It's Rio's pet in there.

-It's not funny.

-Yeah. I'm sorry.

-Maybe we could bury him in the garden.

Out. Now.

Of course we could bury him in the garden if that's what you want.

-I'd like to see him one last time.

-I wouldn't, Rio.

There's not much left of him.

Aagh!

Let it all out, Rio. I don't mind.

He's alive. It's his skin. You thickos!

He's just shed his skin!

Rex lives!

That's...great.

-Where is he, then?

-And where's Marco?

-No-one's seen him all morning.

-Layla! >

BU-U-U-U-URP!

SNAKE SNIFFLES

Where have you...

-been?

-In the attic, making the animal hospital.

Annabel can be our first patient.

He's mine. His name's Rex and he's not sick.

-But

-I

-found him.

-He's a wild snake.

-That right, Crash?

-Yeah, sure...

Just a harmless little...

wild snake.

It's harmless. Totally harmless.

I just... I just...

Chicken!

He's a wild creature, Rio. He'll get sick if you keep him in a box.

I'm not giving him up. You can't make me.

-It'll be teatime soon.

-Rex won't eat anything.

Maybe he isn't happy.

'I think you should let him go.'

'He's gotta hang out with his snake mates.'

Goodbye, Rex. I'll never forget you, my scaly little friend.

Bye...

-Are you all right, Rio?

-I'm sure Rex will be OK.

-You can have my cake tonight if you like.

-Course. I'm all right.

-What sort of wimp do you think I am?

-Where's Marco?

-Marco! Supper's here.

I was just checking all my stick insects had gone. I set them free.

-You said it was cruel to keep animals in a box.

-I'll skip supper.

-Yeah, me too.

-I'll have yours, then.

ALL SCREAM AND SHOUT

ALL SCREAM

# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see me through

# And this life won't get me down My dreams will turn things all around

# Put a smile upon my face I can see a better place

# Doesn't matter what may come my way

# Believe me now I will win someday. #