Feature Length The Tale of Mr Tumble

Ha-ha-ha! Oooh! Hoo-hoo-hee!

Hello, everyone!

-AUDIENCE:

-Hello!

Come on, you can be louder than that! I said, hello, everyone!

-AUDIENCE:

-HELLO!

Oh, fantastic! It's so good to see so many friends, yes!

Now, I am Grandad Tumble!

That's right.

-And welcome to The Tale Of Mr...

-ALL:

-Tumble!

Tumble! Ho-ho!

Let me introduce you to The Tumble Book Of Memories! Yes.

Now, I've brought it along specially.

Hang on a minute... Where is it? Can you see it anywhere?

-AUDIENCE:

-Down there!

-Where is it?

Down there... Over there... Oh! Here it is. Thank you, everyone.

My Tumble Memory Book.

Right, let's open it up, shall we? And see...

Oh, it's a bit dusty! Hang on.

Whoa-ha-ha!

Right, let's see who we've got first.

Ooh, look! Do you know who that is, everyone?

-AUDIENCE:

-Mr Tumble!

-That's me, that is.

Yes, when I was a lad.

You see, I was a professional rugby player, yes.

And then, of course, I decided to be a racing driver.

CAR WHIZZES BY

Oh, yes. And after that, did you know, everyone, I was a pop star!

-AUDIENCE:

-Whooo!

Yeah, would you like to hear all about it?

-AUDIENCE:

-Yeah!

-Right, well, you have to go back

right to the beginning when I was a boy, yes.

We need some magic. Will you help me?

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

-Oh, thank you!

OK, I need you to hold your hands up in the air, that's it, like that.

And wiggle your fingers up and down, up and down, up and down...

It all started with something catchy!

DRUMROLL

-DANCERS:

-Whooo!

-Hey there, popsters! And welcome to 1, 2, 3,

-4... Go!

Well, everyone can do this craze, so let's hear a huge...

-1, 2, 3,

-4... Go!

..welcome for Grandad Tumble and his top hit,

Honk, Honk, Honk!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hey! Hello, hello.

Hello, everyone!

Get ready to sing and dance. Here we go!

# When I wake up with the sun and wipe the sleep from my eyes

# The thing that gets me up to go may take you by surprise

# I don't need coffee Don't need tea

# And no toast or cereal for me

# I need some orange juice - no way!

# I just go, honk, honk, honk and I'm set up for the day... #

Right, come on, everyone - I want to see you honk your noses.

Are you ready? One, two, three!

# Honk, honk, honk... # Hello! Very good.

# Honk, honk, honk... # How are you?

# Honk, honk, honk... # Hello! Hee-hee.

# Honk, honk, honk Are you having fun?

# As I travel the world Every boy and girl

# Just goes, honk, honk, honk Why don't you give it a whirl?

# Going honk, honk, honk will make you happy

# And going honk, honk, honk will make you happy, too... #

Very good, everyone! Right, here we go.

# When I walk down the street and wave to passers-by

# The thing that always makes me smile may take you by surprise

# It's not a wave, it's not a hug

# It's not a kiss right on the mug

# I need a helping hand - no way!

# I just go honk, honk, honk and I'm set up for the day... #

Come on, mums and dads. I want to hear you, too.

As loud as you can. Here we go. One, two, three.

# We just go, honk, honk, honk... # Hello! Louder!

-# Honk, honk, honk... #

-How are you?

-# Honk, honk, honk... #

-Hello, very good!

-# Honk, honk, honk

-Are you having fun?

# As I travel the world Every boy and girl

# Just goes honk, honk, honk Why don't you give it a whirl?

# Going honk, honk, honk will make you happy

# And going honk, honk, honk will make you happy, too... #

Last time, come on, everyone!

# Honk, honk, honk will make you happy

# And going honk, honk, honk... # Come on, lads.

# Will make you happy, too. # Whey-hey!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

A-one, two, three, four, go!

Ah... Ha-ha-ha.

Lovely memories! Oh, yes.

Let's see who we've got next, shall we?

Here we go. Right... Oh!

Oh, look. Ha-ha!

Do you know who that is, everyone?

-AUDIENCE:

-Mr Tumble!

That's right. It's Mr...

-AUDIENCE:

-Tumble!

There he is. The boy!

Oh, look at him - he was a cheeky scamp.

Of course, back in the day, he didn't have his spotty bow tie.

No, or his lovely starry waistcoat.

And he certainly didn't have his spotty bag. Oh, no.

You see, I remember the first time we met.

Oh-ho. It was a very cold night.

We'd been travelling up and down the country all week,

singing our wonderful song, Honk, Honk, Honk. Hee-hee.

Oh, thank you, it is cold. Lovely. That's very snugly.

And then all of a sudden, I heard a noise.

Waaah! Waaah!

What's that noise, everyone?

-AUDIENCE:

-A baby!

A baby, is it?

-Waaah! Waaah!

-Where is it, eh?

Oh, look, it's over here, isn't it?

Oh, look! Hello, little fella!

Oh, dear, what are you doing out here,

all alone in the freezing cold?

Come and say hello to all of our friends here. Yes!

-HE KEEPS CRYING

-Oh, dear, he's a bit upset.

Don't you worry. Oh, what a bonny lad.

-Look, everyone! Isn't he lovely?

-AUDIENCE:

-Awww!

There you go. Yes, come and say hello to all our friends.

There you go. Wah! Oh, he's crying a bit. He's crying.

Don't worry, he'll settle down. Yeah.

-Argh!

-Wah! Wah! LAUGHTER

Oh, dear. I think I'll sing to him.

Now, this is a song my dad used to sing to me. You might know it.

Are you ready? Join in if you do.

# Hello, hello...

-ALL:

-# How are you? #

Oh, thank you.

# Hello, hello

-# It's good to see you. #

-BABY LAUGHS

Oh, thank you, everyone. Look, he's settled down now!

And look, he's got a lovely little red nose, see? There you go.

-NOSE SQUEAKS

-Oh! Hee-hee.

He's a Tumble, all right,

and a Tumble never leaves another Tumble.

Come on, the boy. You're going to come with me.

I'll look after you. There you go. Let's get you in the warm, shall we?

Right, here we go.

Well, I'd never raised a baby! I didn't know how to do it.

But the days turned into weeks, and weeks into months.

Well, we found our way.

CRASHING NOISES

Right. Come on, the boy,

we can't stay in the shed all of our lives,

although that is a nice thought.

We've got the whole world to see, yes!

Has anyone seen the boy? Where is he?

Eh? What?

Where is he?

He's over here? Oh, right, I'll go and see him.

-HONKING NOISE

-What was that noise?

Hey! Can you believe it, the boy? We've been together now ten years.

Ten years! And I've tried to teach you everything I know.

Should have taken only ten minutes, really.

And in all of that time, you've never said a word.

Nothing at all! Never mind, hee-hee.

-# Hello, hello... #

-The boy?

-# How are you? #

-Oh!

# Hello, hello

# It's good to see you. #

I knew you could do it!

# I say, hello... # Come on, everyone!

# I'm happy that you came... # Very good.

# I say hello

# Please tell me your name. #

Eh? All right, then, the boy. Never mind.

I'll just carry on calling you "the boy". It'll never catch on.

-You know what? I think you're ready.

-Ready? For what?

Well, for you and me to travel the world with my song!

NOSES HONK Well, let's go, then!

Right, come on. What are we waiting for? Here we go.

Let's smarten your tie up first. That's it.

Well done, the boy. Come on.

Oh, yes, there's a big, wide world to see. Off we go.

# Wherever we go, whatever we do

# We can do it much better when we do it as two

# With you and me and me and you

-# That's one

-And one

# And together that's two That's two

-# That's me

-That's you

-# Us two

-# Together all the time

# We'll get along just fine! #

Come on. I think we're going to hop on the bus now.

You know this one. Sing along. You ready?

# The wheels on the bus go round and round... #

-Sing along!

-# Round and round, round and round

# The wheels on the bus go round and round, all day long... #

-Well done.

-Bye.

-Have a good day at work. Bye-bye.

Right, my boy, let's get going. Here we go.

# Wherever we go, pace after pace

# We can do it much better when I see your face

-# With you and me and me and you

-# That's one

-# And one

-# And together that's two

-# That's two

-# That's me

-# That's you

-# That's too

# Together all the time # We'll get along just fine. #

We're going to hop aboard the train, now.

I bet you know this one. Are you ready? Here we go.

Get your train going. All aboard.

# The wheels on the train go clatter clatter clatter

# Clatter clatter clatter clatter clatter clatter

# The wheels on the train go clatter clatter clatter

# All day long... #

-Have a nice day at work.

-It's very busy on the train today.

-Right, what's next?

-We're in a plane, Grandad.

-Get your propellers ready.

-Here we go.

# The propeller on the plane goes broom broom broom

# Broom broom broom broom broom broom

# The propeller on the plane goes broom broom broom

-# All day long...#

-Well done, the boy.

-Argh!

A bit of turbulence.

Oh, dear. Oh, my back.

-Are you OK, Grandad?

-Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry about me.

Right, come on, off we go again.

# Whatever the fix We'll see it through

# With a couple of tricks Just me and you

# With you and me And me and you

-# That's one

-# I'm one

# And together that's two That's two

-# That's me

-# That's you

-# Us two

-# Together all the time

# We'll get along just fine

# We get along just We get along just

# Round and round and clatter clatter clatter

# And a broom broom broom broom Bye! #

Yay!

APPLAUSE

Well done, the boy.

Right, I think you're ready now.

You're going to learn my song, Honk, Honk, Honk.

You're going to love it. Right. I'll just get my musical instrument.

There we are. I've just got a little bag here with it in.

There we go.

I think you're big enough now. There we are. Hey!

Right. Let's get this open, shall we?

CREAKING SOUND

-Where is it?

-There's my musical instrument.

I call her Goliath. Right.

Now, hold on to my leg. I don't want to fall in. Here we go.

Gotcha, Grandad. Are you nearly there yet?

-ECHOES:

-Don't worry. I think it's in here somewhere.

Right, I've got it. Here we are.

Right, behold. Goliath.

Right. Now, watch and learn, the boy, watch and learn.

-I'll get the old band together.

-HE WHISTLES

Come on, guys. Yes, same as usual.

Here we go.

-# Honk, honk, honk... #

-Hello.

-# Honk, honk, honk... #

-How are you?

-# Honk, honk, honk... #

-Hello.

-Do you not know owt new?

-# Honk, honk, honk... #

# Are you having fun? # Join in.

No! That's ancient. Silly old fool.

Come on, guys, let's get out of here.

No, hang on a minute. Wait.

We can work on a B-side. How about Beep, Beep, Beep...Goodbye?

Oh, dear, everyone. You know what?

That song used to be very popular.

-Not any more.

-Don't worry, Grandad, let's go.

MUSIC PLAYS

Ah, you know what?

There's nothing like a lovely cup of chocolate, oh...

to cheer you up when you're feeling down.

I'll just have one more slurp for the road.

HE SLURPS

Ah, that's better. Right, now where's the boy?

Has anyone seen the boy? Where is he? Oh, there he is.

-Come on, the boy. Oh, I'm sorry about today.

-Don't worry, Grandad.

-I've always loved that song.

-I know, but you know what?

I don't want to be laughed at

and I certainly don't want people to laugh at you.

Nobody should be laughed at, should they, everyone?

-AUDIENCE:

-No.

I love the stars.

I wish I could have the stars around me all the time.

Oh, well, I'll tell you what, I know a song about the stars.

Join in if you know it. Are you ready?

# Twinkle, twinkle, little star

# How I wonder what you are

# Up above the world so high

# Like a diamond in the sky

# Twinkle, twinkle, little star

# How I wonder what you are

# When the blazing sun is gone

# When he nothing shines upon

# Then you show your little light

# Twinkle, twinkle through the night

# Twinkle, twinkle, little star

# How I wonder what you are... #

-I wish everyone could have the stars around them.

-Everyone?

-Of course - we all deserve to have stars.

-Join in, everyone.

# Twinkle, twinkle, little star

# How I wonder what you are

# Up above the world so high

# Like a diamond in the sky

# Twinkle, twinkle, little star

# How I wonder what you are. #

Well done, everyone. Hey, the boy, what's happening?

Look, you've filled the place with stars.

I haven't given them stars, Grandad. They are the stars.

Every one of them is a star to me.

Of course, you're all stars, everyone.

Hang on a minute. What's happened to your waistcoat?

It's covered in stars!

Grandad, Grandad, don't you see? Having stars on my waistcoat

is like having all my friends here with me, all the time.

-Thank you, everyone.

-Thank you. Well done.

Oh, that's wonderful. But, you know what?

I can't help but think you deserve better.

I mean, you need to travel the world.

I don't want to hold you back. I mean, look at the state of us.

We're a right pair of clowns, aren't we, eh? Ah!

Grandad, the right thing will come along,

even if you don't recognise it at first.

There's always something good after something bad.

All you have to do is close your eyes.

-Right.

-And stay open to it.

All right, I'll close my eyes and I'll stay open to it, the boy.

Right, nothing is happening. Eh, eh. Wha...?

What was that? Honestly.

Oh, look - it's a copy of the Tumble Times.

Shall we see what's going on.

GRANDAD CLEARS HIS THROAT Grandad, Grandad!

Oh, right. "Would you like to be taken seriously

"and would you like your talent to shine through?"

Oh, what does it say?

"Then sign up for Miss Eerie's Emporium of Excellence."

THEY OOH

What is it? Oh, right.

"Open auditions being held - 10am tomorrow morning.

-"Don't be late."

-Grandad.

-What is it?

Oh. "PS, this is a very serious Emporium." Right.

-Grandad.

-What is it?

"PPS, no giggling."

Well that's it, the boy.

We're off to the Emporium of Excellence!

Welcome to my Emporium of Excellence.

I am Miss Eerie,

the headmistress of this remarkably serious establishment.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

FABRIC STICKS

KIDS LAUGH

RIPPING

FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE

LAUGHTER

Look at you! Aren't you all adorable?

It's simply lovely of you all to come.

Welcome to you, one, one and all.

Now, to the business of the day.

I'm looking for people with something extra.

Something extraordinary. Something excellent.

Something excellently extraord... Well, something good.

And if you think you've got something,

then maybe, just maybe,

my Emporium of Excellence is the place for you.

-Ooh.

-Or maybe not.

-Oh.

But first, we need a little test to see if you can do it.

Yes.

# We're gonna do it, do it

-# We're gonna do it, yes...! #

-What do you think?

# We're gonna do it Put your hands up in the air... #

I want all of you and all of you to join in with what we're doing.

Let's see if you can do it, shall we?

-# And do it

-Do it

-# Do it

-Do it

# Do it for me

# Let's see if you've got something that can entertain me

-# Do it

-Do it

-# Do it

-Do it...

-# Do it for me

-Yeah!

# Pretend to be a mouse on three

# Two, three

# Crouch down low

# Do it

# And twitch your nose

# Do it

# Nibble on some cheese

# Squeak, squeak

# Do it, do it, do it for me... #

Yes, as I thought - some of you grown-ups don't have something,

you've got nothing!

What about you? Have you got anything?

Let's see for the big ones, shall we?

-# Do it

-Do it

-# Do it

-Do it...

# Do it for me

# Let's see if you've got something that can entertain me

-# Do it

-Do it

-# Do it

-Do it...

-# Do it for me

-Yeah!

# Pretend to be a lion on three

# Two, three

# You're out on the prowl

# Do it

# Now let's hear you growl

# Do it

# And roaring loud... #

ROARING

# Do it, do it, do it for me

# Do it, do it, do it for me...

# Oh, yeah. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh!

So we have our winners. All of you! Apart from the grown-ups.

And... Yes...

-You.

-Ooh!

-You.

How unpredictably delightful.

I'm sorry? And...

..you.

Yippee(!)

So that concludes our interview process this year.

Those of you who've been unlucky this time,

please feel free to try again. Thank you.

-GRANDAD:

-Coming through. Sorry we're late. Go on, the boy.

Yes?

Can I help you?

Oh, well, yes.

We're here for your school.

-Really?

-Yep.

But look at you.

How can you be taken seriously with those silly little red noses?

Well, they're our Tumble noses, aren't they?

I mean, it's what makes us who we are. Watch. Right.

NOSES HONK AND SQUEAK

HONKING AND SQUEAKING CONTINUES

-Well, you get the...

-Yes, I think I get the idea.

But I'm afraid this is a serious establishment,

-and you two are a bit of a joke.

-Oh, no.

Please, ma'am, give the boy a chance.

I mean, he's got something.

I don't know quite what it is, but there is something there.

Hmm. Yes. Hmm. Yes.

-I don't know, I...

-SHE GASPS

I know. Help me out, here, what do you think? Should I take him?

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

Are you sure?

Yes!

All right, all right. Yes, yes.

I think I can see a way he could brighten someone's day.

All right, he's in. Say your goodbyes.

Oh, well done, the boy! Come on, this way, this way.

That's it. Through you go. There you go.

You're going to have a fantastic time here

and meet lots of new friends and...

Well, I'll come and visit you lots and lots.

# Goodbye, goodbye

# It's time to run

# Goodbye, goodbye

# I hope you had good fun... #

-Have you dropped something, Grandad?

-No, no.

Don't get all weepy on me. There you go.

SQUEAKING AND HONKING

Now, look after yourself.

Behave yourself and you'll be taken very seriously.

I'll visit lots of times.

Take care, the boy.

Bye-bye.

# Please come back

# Please come back...

# Please come back. #

The boy worked hard at the Emporium of Excellence.

And being the boy, he made the best of everything.

But Miss Eerie never let him try his hand at singing or dancing

or any of the things he was meant to be there for.

But he seemed happy. He was good at what he did

and everyone there loved him.

Well, nearly everyone.

Oooh!

OOHING

Yes.

Oh!

Hey!

Hello, everyone!

Good to see you. So many friends.

Wow. Would you like to sing the Friends Song?

CHEERING OK, then.

Well, we need the rest of our friends first.

Guys, come on. Come and join in the party.

We're going to sing the Friends Song. Come on, join in.

# Friends, friends

# What can you do with friends?

# Walk a dog... #

-Very good.

-Dog!

-# Read a book

-Book!

-# Catch a ball

-Ball!

-# We can cook, yeah

-Cook!

-# Ride a horse

-Horse!

-# Paddle in the sea

-Sea!

# Maybe you can come and play with me... #

Come on, let's see you dancing. Here we go!

# Ra-da-da-da, ra-da-da Ra-da-da-da-da... #

Come on, gang.

# Ra-da-da-da, ra-da-da Ra-da-da-da-da

-# We can jump

-Jump!

-# We can run

-Run!

# Playing with my friends is lots of fun

# Playing with my friends is lots of fun... #

Last time!

# Playing with my friends is lots of fun. #

Beep your noses, everyone.

HONKING

Lauren, Sam. Come on, Pod. That's it.

Go on, beep your noses. That's it.

Mums and dads, too, that's it.

HONKING

LAUGHTER

Having fun, Mr Tumble?

Oh, no, no, no. No fun here.

No.

Tootsie!

Hello, Mr Tumble.

Oh, hello, Tootsie.

How are you?

MISS EERIE EXCLAIMS

I don't have time to waste on you two gawping.

I need to speak to my students who I know are down here

having fun with you.

-Ah.

-Shelley? Baxter? Pod?

-Affirmative.

-Yes.

Miss Earwig... I mean Earworm...

Miss Eerie.

I think you're missing out one of your star pupils.

-Oh, Mr Tumble, I didn't forget you.

-Thank you.

I omitted you.

Omitted.

Deliberately.

Deliberately.

I expect people in my school to have something incredible,

-something amazing, something wonderful, and you...

-Yes?

You have nothing.

-AUDIENCE:

-Aw!

Well, it's a start.

Listen. Tonight is a very, very serious night.

-Three world-famous opera singers...

-Mum.

-..are coming to perform here in this amazing opera house...

-Mum!

-..A lesson in dignity...

-Eh!

-..and class.

-Oh!

-Mum.

-What is it, Tootsie?

I think you should read the telegram.

Oh, read it to me, Tumble, if you can.

Right, here we go.

-"Urgent. Stop."

-Go on, go on.

-"For the attention of Miss Eerie. Stop."

-Carry on.

-"Terrible news. Stop."

-Keep reading, you fool.

But it keeps telling me to stop.

That just means a full stop. Just read it all out.

Oh, right, OK.

"Connie Tralto and Alfie Bass suffering from sore throats."

-Stop!

-Don't you start.

-What else?

"Costa Tenor will need new singing partners immediately."

Singing partners.

Ooh. Baxter.

I must respond in the negative.

-Pod?

-Eh, no.

-So that means you, Shelley.

-Oh, goodness!

And...?

Oh, no.

# La, la, la, la, la, la, la

# Ah. #

They say my voice has made grown men cry.

What, for help?

Ye... No!

Look, I won't let you down, Miss Eerie.

You better not.

Because if you do have anything, Tumble, which I doubt,

-now is the time to find it.

-Right.

-Oh!

-Don't worry. You'll be great.

-Very nervous.

You better get ready then.

Oh, yes, OK.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

-Shelley!

-Ooh!

-These are for you.

-Oh, thank you, Tootsie.

-I'm so very nervous.

-Oh, don't worry, Shelley.

Mum wouldn't have let you enter the Emporium

if she didn't know you could do it and she always tells the truth.

She says it's the most important thing ever.

-And you look incredible!

-Truly?

-Truly!

Oh, thank you, Tootsie.

I just hope my voice works.

-BADLY:

-# La, la, la, la, la, la! #

Oh, no! That's what happens when I get nervous.

-My voice just disappears.

-Oh, try not to worry, Shelley.

We're all on your side.

And I bet Costa Tenor will think your voice is sensational, too.

Oh, I do hope so.

Thank you, Tootsie.

# Rumbley, tumbley

# Rumbley, tumbley...

# Rrrrrumbley, tumbley

# Rrrrrumbley, tumbley... #

HE HUMS TUNE

Mr Tumble!

Oh.

These are for you.

Thank you, Towsie.

-It's Tootsie.

-Eh, oh.

Tootsie. Oh, flowers for me.

Oh, they smell beau... HE COUGHS

Beautiful.

-Are you nervous?

-Yes!

No, I'm not nervous. I'm joking.

I mean, Costa Tenor is a world-famous singer.

-Well, I know.

-The theatre is packed with very serious-looking people.

-Very serious.

-Miss Eerie is in the wings

to make sure you don't mess up.

So it's a good job you're not nervous.

What?

Miss Eerie is standing in the wings watching me like a hawk

so I don't mess up? Ah!

Well, I'm nervous now, Tootsie.

ORCHESTRA TUNING

-It's time.

-Right, to go home. I'm off. Grandad!

No!

To show everyone what you can do.

OK. Do you mind?

-Oh...I don't think I can do this.

-I don't think I can do this, too!

Hang on a minute.

Come on, Shelley. Remember what my grandad used to say.

"Get off the sofa, I want to watch the television now."

No, he didn't say that.

He said, "You can only do your best."

Isn't that right, everyone? CHEERING

And you, Shelley, have got the most beautiful singing voice I know.

Oh, thank you, Mr Tumble. You always know how to make me smile.

I know. Come on.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a very serious welcome

to Miss Shelley Sure, Signore Tumble

and...Costa Tenor.

APPLAUSE

HE SINGS IN ITALIAN

OPERATIC VERSION OF OLD MACDONALD

HE CONTINUES SINGING IN ITALIAN

-ALL:

-# E-I-E-I-O... #

HE SINGS IN ITALIAN

# E-I-E-I-O... #

HE SINGS IN ITALIAN

# E-I-E-I-O... #

You see, that's what we needed, a little bit of class.

-But isn't that Old Macdonald Had...

-Sh!

# Old Macdonald

# He had a farm

# E-I-E-I-O

# And on that farm

# He had a pig

# E-I-E-I-O... #

# With an oink-oink here

# And an oink-oink there

# Here an oink, there an oink

# Everywhere an oink-oink

# Old Macdonald, he had a farm

# E-I-E-I-O... #

What's going on? He's getting bigger.

I hope Tumble isn't going to ruin this for everyone.

HE SINGS IN ITALIAN

# E-I-E-I-O

# And on that farm, he had a duck

# E-I-E-I-O... #

HE SINGS IN ITALIAN

# And a quack-quack there... #

HE SINGS IN ITALIAN # There a quack

# Everywhere a quack-quack... #

HE SINGS IN ITALIAN # He had a farm

# E-I-E-I-O... #

What's happening? Why is everybody laughing?

This is a disaster!

# E-I-E-I-O... #

Oh, no! What a disaster. Tumble is making a laughing stock of us all!

# I have heard the sound of music

# Can become the wildest animals

# If I dare to sing quite softly

# It might soothe but won't be admirable... #

Shelley, you have a beautiful voice.

Come into the middle so that we can all hear.

# When the world lives in peace

# We see beauty released

# When the world lives in peace

# We see beauty released. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, thank you! Thank you. Oh!

Oh, I, em... I don't think I need this any more.

Thank you, Mr Tumble.

My pleasure.

-NORTHERN ENGLISH ACCENT:

-Here, Miss Eerie. She's great.

Sings like a lark.

Yeah, yeah, she does, doesn't she? Like a what?!

I thought you were a serious artiste from Italy.

I am serious,

but I'm from Rochdale, not Rome.

LAUGHTER

Shelley, my darling, you really do have a very beautiful voice.

Miss Eerie, we're so glad that you agree with us all.

Shelley has something sensational, wouldn't you say?

I'll show you sensational,

you red-nosed party pooper!

This was supposed to be a serious evening for serious people.

I might have known better than to put a Tumble on stage.

What are you doing with that?

Eh!

AIR ESCAPES

You are making a mockery of this school.

This is a school for artistes, not clowns.

Now either you get back down to the basement where you belong

or you leave this school forever.

BOOING

Back to work, everyone.

Oh, dear. Miss Eerie is not very happy with me, is she, everyone?

-AUDIENCE:

-No!

Grandad went to such an effort to send me to this school.

I thought I had something.

Something funny, maybe, or something silly,

but you know what?

I don't think I've got anything.

-AUDIENCE:

-Aw!

You've got me.

And me.

-BOYS:

-And us.

ALL: And us!

What am I thinking, everyone?

You don't need anything if you've got lovely friends, do you?

Hey, and how about you guys? Are you our friends, too?

CHEERING Fantastic.

-You know how you have friends, don't you?

-No.

-It's easy.

-BAXTER:

-Very straightforward.

-POD:

-But it's actually very simple.

# You know you have a friend when they wave to you

# Ah-ha!

-ALL:

-# You know you have a friend when they wave to you

# They'll always cheer you up when you are feeling blue

# Hello, there

# How do you do...? #

Come on, everyone. Give us a big wave. Yay!

Come on, it's party time.

Come on, clap your hands, here we go.

RHYTHMIC CLAPPING

Yeah, take it away, band!

Come on.

Sam! Lauren! Whoa-ho!

Let's see you dancing.

We're having a party!

Good dancing!

Wobble your bottoms.

# Come on, then

# You do it, too

# Everyone, dance

# Now is your chance

# To say "How do you do?" #

Yay!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much, everyone. And we'll see you soon. Bye-bye.

We are here in the basement.

Yup, that's where I work.

Now, it's technically not a basement -

it's the basement of the basement.

It's a bit like a basement, but it's darker, colder,

wetter and it's really pongy.

Mr Tumble!

Hello, Tootsie, how are you?

I just came down to see how you are.

Oh, thank you. You're such a good friend.

Uh, actually, I was meaning to ask you...

Well, tell you, I like your waistcoat.

-I thought your opera singing was very funny.

-Oh, thank you!

Hang on a minute, it wasn't supposed to be funny!

Honestly, it was supposed to be very serious.

Costa Tenor became CROSS-ta Tenor,

and Miss Eerie seriously doubts I've got anything at all.

Wowza, this place is really dark and damp and...

-Uh, I love it.

-Oh, thanks, Pod.

You have to work down here all the time?

-Yes, Shelley!

-Psychologically speaking,

I think this will inevitably have a detrimental effect

-on your prescient consciousness.

-Pardon, Baxter?

-He said you must find this a bit sad.

-Oh, no, no, no.

I'm very happy, actually, because we found something sensational -

your voice!

But what about you, Mr Tumble? Do you like doing all the chores?

Yes.

You see, Tootsie, it's not what you do, it's the way that you do it.

Come on, everyone!

# It ain't what you do it's the way that you do it

# It ain't what you do it's the way that you do it...

# It ain't what you do it's the way that you do it

# And that's what gets results. #

Are you going to help us with our chores?

First of all, we need to fill the buckets up with water.

Thank you, Tootsie. Let's turn on the tap, everyone. Here we go!

# This is the way we turn on the tap

# Turn on the tap, turn on the tap

# This is the way we turn on the tap

# To keep the emporium clean. #

Right, I'll fill this bucket up, Katia. Oh, hang on a minute.

This tap's not working. What am I going to do, eh?

Whoa! Argh!

I'm soaked now. Honestly!

-Mop's next, Mr T!

-Thanks... Oh, Tootsie!

Oh, that was right in my face. Honestly!

Right, now we need to mop the floors.

Hold your mops out, everyone.

Are you ready? Here we go!

# This is the way we mop the floor

# Mop the floor, mop the floor

# This is the way we mop the floor

# To keep the emporium clean. #

Well done. Right, I'll just go and... Ah! Hang on a minute.

Got my foot caught in the... Ow! I'm getting soaked as well.

Oh, stop it! Ah...

What's next? Honestly! Right...

Oh, I think I know the answer to that, Mr T. Next up is the dusting.

-Ah, good idea. Thank you.

-Good luck.

Come on, everyone, hold your dusters out and get ready to dust it down.

# This is the way we dust it down

# Dust it down, dust it down

# This is the way we dust it down

# To keep the emporium clean. #

Well done. I'll give this a good shake-out. Phugh! Argh!

I've got my foot caught again. Argh!

What's going on? Get out of it! Argh!

I don't believe it. Oh, I'm soaked again.

Really! Right, what's next?

-It's vacuums next, Mr T.

-Baxter, that vacuum is tiny.

All right, I'll give it a go. Here we go.

# This is the way we vacuum the floor... #

Legs up. That's it, thank you.

Legs up, thank you.

There we go, right.

Baxter, this is tiny. I need a bigger vacuum. Honestly!

Right, I'll get this one over here. Argh!

Oh... I can't... Whoa!

Hey, I've got my foot caught in the bucket again.

Argh!

Get out of it!

Oh! Oh, honestly.

Oh...

APPLAUSE

Oh, that really was something wonderful!

-It's so nice just to have a bit of fun.

-Yeah, fun(!)

Things upstairs are unrelenting in their astringent and sombre tone.

What did you say, Baxter?

-Things upstairs are still very serious.

-Oh.

-MISS EERIE:

-Tumbl-l-l-le!

-Miss Eerie!

-We shouldn't be down here.

-She'll go mad if she finds us!

-Initiate concealment!

-What?

-Hide!

Quick, hide, hide, hide!

What's going on, Tumble? I heard singing and dancing and...fun.

Erm, ahem. Hello, Miss Eerie.

Yeah, we were singing, but now we're all working.

-Aren't we, everyone? AUDIENCE:

-Yeah!

You see, now we're all mopping very hard. Mopping.

-Mopping?

-Yup, mopping.

-Mopping.

-Always mopping.

-Mopping, you say?

-Yeah, eyes to the ground.

Mopping. Little thing - I find a mop works better

if you mop the other way round.

Oh, yeah. Top tip, ha-ha.

-Di-di-di...

-What are you doing?

-That way, you fool!

-Oh, I see. Oh!

That's going to be a time-saver.

Come out, come out, I know you're in here.

Right, listen up, everyone.

We are about to be inspected.

Aha. Well, don't you worry, Miss Eerie,

we'll have the emporium spick and span in no time at all.

Hmm.

And the inspectors are very...

LAUGHTER

..very serious. It's not a laughing matter!

Why are you laughing?

LAUGHTER

It's not funny, it's very serious!

Never been so insulted!

The inspectors are very, very...

LAUGHTER

Why are you laughing?!

It's a very serious matter!

As I was saying, the inspectors are very, very serious...

LAUGHTER

So we have to put our best, most wonderful, most amazing

and our most serious performance on to date.

Now, I know that each of you still have something,

something with which you can shine.

In your case, it's a damp cloth.

-Uh...

-So I want you to step up and show exactly what you can do.

Oh, and Mr Tumble? I want you to...

Yes?

Maybe sing?

# Oh, the hokey cokey! #

Everyone!

ALL: # Oh, the hokey cokey! #

Come on!

# Oh, the hokey cokey

# Knees bent, arms stretched, ra, ra, ra! #

Well done.

Maybe you want me to dance.

# Ra-da-da da-da-da-da-da-da

# Da-da cha-ca-cha. #

Ha-ha! Or maybe some serious acting.

Oh, Miss Eerie, your hair is so beautiful.

Do you love me?

No? Oh, here, but I swept the floor.

Ha-ha, no, Mr Tumble, I want you to stay out of everyone's way!

Ah!

-Back to work, everybody.

-SHE CLAPS

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Not you, I wasn't...

Doh!

Miss Eerie's still upset with me, isn't she, everyone?

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

-Oh, dear. It's a shame.

We don't need the inspectors to show Miss Eerie how much

good there is inside all of the pupils. Hang on a minute.

Will you help me to show Miss Eerie how much good they have inside them?

Yes!

Ah, thank you! I'll see you later, bye!

Bye!

-Oh, hello, Pod! Can we help you?

-Probably not.

-Are you here to pick a costume for the inspection?

-I suppose so.

-Well, decide what you'd like to try on...

-And we'll find it for you.

Well, thank you very much.

You know these costumes?

They're really wonderful but I have no idea which one I should pick out.

Pod, there you are! You got here first.

Your high-velocity perambulation indicates an enthusiasm

for bedecking yourself in the most elegant vestiges.

-What?

-You ran here so quickly

you must have really wanted a good costume.

You came to the right place.

This has always been one of my favourite rooms in the emporium,

where you can dress up and be whoever you want to be.

-Yeah, but that's just it.

-What's it?

-Well...

-Go on, Pod, you can tell us.

We're your friends.

-I've always thought that...

-Excuse me, coming through.

I've just got to impress Miss Eerie more than ever now. Hi, Tootsie.

Got to work, unfortunately. There we are. Just ignore me. Right.

You may desist your discontinuance.

He means stop stopping. I mean, carry on.

Right, well, the problem is that I don't know who Miss Eerie

wants me to be. I don't know what my "something" is.

Well, that's easy.

Let's write a list of all the wonderful, happy things about you.

I mean, you're... You're here and, erm...

And I love the way you always hide your smile and, erm...

Your melancholy is truly unsurpassed.

Look, Pod, let's just be serious for one second.

OK, look, it's not who Miss Eerie wants you to be,

it's who YOU want to be, isn't it, everyone?

-AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

Of course! You're in exactly the right place

to be whoever you want to be.

Why don't you tell me who you'd like to be?

OK, why don't we dress up in lots of different costumes

and then Pod can decide who he wants to be?

Are you ready, everyone?

Turn the machine. Turn it, turn it. Join in, join in.

Turn it, turn it. Let's hear you.

AUDIENCE CHANTS

Look, we've got an astronaut. I'd like to be an astronaut.

Fantastic. Join in, everyone.

# When I grow up, I'd like to be

# An astronaut, all silvery

# Walking through the galaxy

# An astronaut is what I'd like to be

# Walk slow, walk slow...

# Walk slow, walk slow

# When I grow up, an astronaut

# Is what I'd like to be. #

Come on, everyone, let's see you walk very slowly,

like an astronaut. Very good.

What do you think? Pretty galactic, eh?

-Actually, I think it's a bit slow.

-Shall we turn the machine again?

Come on, everyone. Turn it! Turn it! Turn it!

A clown? That's mine!

# When I grow up, I'd like to be

# A clown, so people laugh at me

# Walking with enormous feet

# Oh, be a clown with me

# Turn around

# And then we'll bow

# Turn around

# And then we'll bow

# When I grow up, a clown is what

# Is what I'd like to be. #

Good one, Tootsie. Everyone, stomp around like a clown.

And beep your noses! HONK! HONK!

What do you think? Pretty clowny, hey?

-Actually, I think it's a bit silly.

-Oh, erm...

I'm very much anticipating the boisterous jollity

-of experimenting in unfamiliar livery!

-What?

He says he wants to try something on.

Come on, then, Baxter, your turn. Come on, everyone, here we go.

EVERYONE CHANTS: Turn it! Turn it! Turn it!

-Right, what have we got?

-Oh, wonderful, a picaroon!

Ah, that's a pirate! Get ready to set sail. Here we go!

# When I grow up, I'd like to be

# A pirate on the open sea

# Steer the ship so carefully

# You can steer the ship with me

# Spin the wheel this way Spin the wheel that way

# Spin the wheel this way Spin the wheel that way

# When I grow up, a pirate is

# Is what I'd like to be. #

Arrr! Good one, Baxterrr!

What do you think? A pirate! How exciting.

-Well, actually, it's a bit wet.

-Oh, I don't know, Pod.

-Do you want your jacket back?

-Yes, please. Thank you very much.

Whoa, wait a second.

-Ha-ha!

-Pod!

Yeah?

-ALL: You're smiling!

-Oh, yeah!

We didn't realise you had teeth! Wow!

Hey, Pod, you found something happy.

I now know who I want to be. I want to be...

-me!

-Yay!

-See you later.

-See you later!

Wow, that was fantastic. Well done, everyone!

APPLAUSE

Good singing. Oh, I'm feeling happy now.

Listen, I wonder if you could help me again.

I, erm, I would like to get Tootsie a present

but I don't know what to get her.

-Shall we have a look inside the bag? AUDIENCE:

-Yes!

All right. Tell you what, we're going to need some magic.

Are you ready?

Take your finger and touch your nose.

Blink three times, everyone, and...

Away it goes!

Thank you. Right, let's have a look, shall we?

Oh, look! Good idea. What's that?

Balloon!

It's a balloon, yes. Do you think Tootsie would like a balloon?

-Yes.

-All right, let's go and find out. Bye-bye, everyone!

-Bye!

Hello, Mr Tumble.

Hello, Tootsie. Ahem.

I, erm... Well, the thing is,

I've, erm, I've got something for you.

Wait.

It's a balloon.

Erm, wait.

LAUGHTER

Wait!

Tootsie, there you go.

# You've got something I like... #

A balloon.

# You've got something so fine... #

It's another balloon.

# When I'm feeling low

# There's one thing that I know

# It's that you will always lift me

# Give me get up and go

# Yes, you've got something... #

A balloon?

# It's the smile in your eyes

# The love in your heart

# You bring fun to everyone

# No matter who they are

# Together forever, we'll be friends to the end

# Cos you've got something...

# Inflatable. #

-There you go.

-Thank you, Mr Tumble.

-Tootsie, wait.

-# You've got something I like

-I'm delirious, you're not serious

-# You've got something that's fine

-I'm delighted you're not miserable

# My heart bursts into song

-BOTH:

-# Cos your face isn't long

# And my happy ever after

# Is filled with lots of laughter

# Cos you've got something

# It's the smile in your eyes

# The love in your heart

# You bring fun to everyone

# No matter who they are

# Together forever, we'll be friends till the end

# Cos you've got something

# It's the smile in your eyes

# The love in your heart

# We bring fun to everyone

# No matter who they are

# Together forever, we'll be friends till the end

# Cos you've got something. #

Tootsie, wait.

# You've got something...

# Special. #

That's for you, Tootsie.

Oh, thank you, Mr Tumble.

They're beautiful! Oh...

SHE GIGGLES

Tumble!

Tootsie, you'd better go. You'll get into trouble! Hey...

Tootsie!

SHE GIGGLES

Bye!

Tootsie!

-Is Tootsie here, Tumble?

-Erm, ahem. Uh, no.

Then why were you calling for her?

Ah, because I stubbed my tootsie, yes.

"Ow, my tootsie!"

Hmm.

Yes, well, if you see her, send her to me.

Right, will do.

I don't want anything going wrong with the inspection today.

Of course not, ho-ho.

And you staying out of the way is the only chance I've got.

Right, I'll stay out of the way, don't you worry. Ha-ha.

That was close! Thank you, everyone.

I'd better go and see my friends. See you later!

-AUDIENCE:

-Bye!

Baxter! Baxter, are you all right?

I'm afraid the situation is unpredictably disastrous

-and unnerving.

-Come on, Baxter, it can't be that bad.

-Why are you so worried?

-My individual USP, my...

-Something?

-Affirmative!

-BALLOON POPS

-Whoa!

GONG CRASH

-Oh! Oh, dear.

-You all right, Tootsie?

-Yeah, I just ran into a flock of pigeons.

-Oh.

-Anyway, how's things here?

-Baxter's a bit worried about his something.

He's not sure what it is yet.

He's got the serious bit down to a T.

I know, why don't we all think about what Baxter's something might be?

Let's all think.

MR TUMBLE: Coming through. Now, listen, I've really got to work now.

No more fun and games, ho-ho!

I've got to impress Miss Eerie, so ignore me. That's it. Guys?

Over here, I'm working. Guys? GUYS?

-ALL:

-Shh!

-Oh! Baxter, what's wrong?

-He's worried about his spot for the inspection.

-Is he?

Hey, Baxter, I can help you with that. Yep, with my friends, too.

Come on. Let's have a look inside my bag.

Right, you know what to do, everyone. Watch this, Baxter. Right.

Take your finger and...

Touch your nose.

-Blink three times...

-One, two, three.

-And... AUDIENCE:

-Off it goes.

Thank you. Right, let's see what we've got for you.

Oh, look, there's a spot.

Well, erm, thank you, Mr Tumble,

but this isn't going to help me find my something.

It's not just any old spot, that's a circle.

I've got lots of shapes. Can you do something with these?

What are we going to do with a lot of shapes?

-Not just shapes, raw materials!

-Raw materials?

-Things we build with!

Aha! Join in, everyone!

# We're going to draw a shape in the air...

# We're going to draw a shape in the air

# We're going to draw a shape in the air. #

Ah, yes.

# We're going to leave it hanging there

# We're going to draw a shape in the air. #

Draw a square, everyone.

# One side, two sides, three sides and then four

# One side, two sides, three sides and then four

# One side, two sides, three and four

# Each side's the same You don't need any more

# One side, two sides, three sides and then four. #

-Very good. What next?

-Watch this.

What's happening?

You see, I can use a square to make a picture of a castle.

A castle!

-Oh, my turn, my turn! I want to do three sides.

-Go, Shelley!

# Here and there, one, two, three. #

A triangle, everyone. Join in.

# Here and there, one, two, three

# One, two, three, three sides, you see

# Three sides are all you'll ever need

# Here and there, one, two, three. #

I have an idea.

Whoa, it's a sailboat made of triangles!

-That's very clever, Baxter. Can I have a go?

-Of course.

-How many sides?

-Not sides, points. Copy me, everyone!

Come on, then. Off you go, Tootsie.

# One and two and three and four and five. #

I think I've got it.

# One and two and three and four and five. #

Oh, lovely.

# One, two, three, four and then five

# Our twinkling stars have come alive

# One and two and three and four and five. #

Oh, that's tricky, that. I have an idea.

-POD:

-Oh, wow, that's a starfish! That's really clever, Baxter.

MR TUMBLE: Fantastic, Baxter, well done. Can I have a go?

Of course, Mr Tumble. How many sides?

-One.

-One side?

-Yeah. Watch me, everyone.

# Round and round and round and round it goes. #

What is it, everyone?

# Round and round and round and round it goes. #

That's right, a circle.

# Round and round and round it goes

# Where it stops, nobody knows

# Round and round and round and round it goes. #

I like circles. Watch this.

Whoa!

Baxter, you're so clever. Last time, everyone.

# We're going to draw a shape in the air...

# We're going to draw a shape in the air

# We're going to draw a shape in the air

# We're going to leave it hanging there

# We're going to draw a shape in the air. #

Yay!

APPLAUSE

Well done, Baxter. Don't you see? You have found something clever!

Oh, thank you, Mr Tumble.

You appear to have aided the discovery of my individual USP.

-What?

-Tootsie, Shelley!

Miss Eerie, quick!

She's coming, she's coming!

Oh, yes, yes, yes, I might have known you'd be down here

wasting your time, clowning around with Mr Tumble.

No, no, no, we're being very serious.

-Oh, your tootsies are much better, I see.

-Oh, yes.

-Yes.

Well, this is your final warning.

When the inspectors are here, I expect you to stand still,

be stony-faced and, whatever happens, stay serious.

But, Mum, Mr Tumble, he was only helping...

Tootsie, you can't listen to what Mr Tumble says. He's just a clown.

-AUDIENCE:

-Aww!

Don't worry, Mr Tumble, Mum's just nervous.

This school means so much to her.