Selection Day - Parts 1&2 The Worst Witch

WEATHER PLAYS ON RADIO

-Mildred?

-Mum.

-You OK?

-Yes.

No.

I... I thought I saw...

What?

..Nothing.

-Sorry.

-Were you making me breakfast in bed?

You've been on lates all week. I thought it would be a nice surprise.

Come here.

That's a lovely thought.

But you don't have to worry about me, you know?

I'm fine.

Ooh, now, that's good.

It's not really.

No, I like it.

You paint what you see.

That's what makes it interesting.

-Right. I'd better get...

-No, no. I'll do it.

-Thanks.

-Look out!

-MILDRED SCREAMS

Sorry!

Sorry. I lost my glasses. Couldn't see where I was going.

You were... Flying on a...

A broomstick.

I know! I passed my broomstick proficiency test first time.

Are you a witch?

I hope so. As long as I can make it to the entrance exam in time.

Entrance exam?

For Miss Cackle's Academy.

Academy? Like, a school?

-For witches?

-Well, of course.

But I'll never get there without my glasses.

You haven't seen them, have you?

No, but we can find them.

If they fell off just before you landed, they can't be far.

We just have to keep looking.

Hi, Jake.

Good boy!

What have you got there?

Oh, my glasses!

Sorry.

My parents paid for extra flying lessons to help me get in.

I've let everyone down.

No, you haven't. I'll help you. I promise.

Mildred, you all right, love?

Yeah... Yes, it's just her glasses are broken.

Whose?

Hers...?

My... My mum's glasses got broken.

I'm just off to...buy her some new ones.

See you later.

What's going on? Why couldn't she see you?

It's just the broomstick.

It's got protective spells to shield me from non-magical people.

-What?

-I'm not magical.

But you can SEE me.

I know.

Who ARE you?

I'm just... Mildred.

Mildred Hubble. Hi.

Maud Spellbody.

Well met, sister.

-Is that a witch thing?

-Yep. I've been practising.

Oh, well. I can try again next year.

Nope. You're going to get in this year.

But I can't fly without my glasses.

You can if I help you.

You mean you'll come with me?

Of course. Just let me text my mum.

Then you can show me how to fly this thing.

Oh...

Go! Go!

Go... Go... Hup! Fly!

Go, go!

-Yes, we did it!

-Woohoo!

MILDRED SCREAMS

-Look!

-Wait, wait, wait!

-What?

-I can't see a thing!

-Which way are we going?

-Left. Left, left, I SAID LEFT!

-We are going left!

-Oh, OK. Right! Go right!

THEY SCREAM

We're going to die!

DOG WHIMPERS

Here they come - the future of witchcraft.

The new term starts in six weeks,

and these are our potential first formers.

I've got a good feeling about this year.

You said that last year.

The craft is in decline.

Not while I'm headmistress.

What's up with you, HB?

You look like you lost a cream cake and found a carrot.

This school needs strong witches,

not little girls who want to play at magic.

We were all little girls once, Hecate.

-Even me.

-If you say so.

Excuse me, Miss Hardbroom.

Lucinda has problems with allergies and can't do potions.

Who do I speak to about that?

Somebody from another school, perhaps?

Health and safety is very important.

We can provide anti-allergy spells.

I truly despair for the future.

They'll learn. We all did.

Well, maybe there is some hope.

Good stick control.

Perfect dismount.

Oh, that's my sister, Ethel.

Ethel Hallow.

- Ethie! - Esme!

Well met, Ethel.

- Ethel, this is... - I know.

Well met, Miss Cackle, Miss Hardbroom.

-Well met.

-Two Hallows in one school.

You have a lot to live up to.

-I'll do my best.

-Of course you will.

But there's no need to be intimidated.

No-one expects you to be as clever as Esmeralda.

-Miss Cackle...

-Don't be modest.

Esmeralda is the finest student this Academy's ever had.

If you're even half as crafty as your sister...

Look out! Incoming!

THEY SCREAM

Maud!

Where are you, Mildred? I can't see a thing.

I'll save you.

I'm coming. Hold on.

THEY WAIL

HELP!

Some believe a true witch will always float in water.

Of course, a sensible witch would try to stand up first.

THEY LAUGH

FROG CROAKS

Sorry to disturb you.

Girls, stop bothering your intellectual superiors, and get out.

-She just magicked us dry!

-Shh!

Well met.

I am Miss Hardbroom, deputy headmistress.

-And you are?

-Maud Spellbody.

Oh, yes. I remember your mother.

Such a shame for her.

-It was my fault.

-And who are you?

Mildred.

-Mildred Hubble.

-You're not on my list.

She was down for Pentangle's, but...

Mum said this school was way better, so she should try here first.

Well, I suppose we should give you a chance

to redeem yourself, Mildred Hubble.

-Why?

-Cos you helped me.

-You should get on with the tour.

-Tour?

Mildred, Maud, this is Miss Cackle.

I'm over here.

So sorry. I broke my glasses.

Let me see.

Thank you, Miss Cackle.

-Well met.

-Well met, Maud.

Well met, Mildred.

Well met.

Are you all right, my dear?

MILDRED VOMITS

-Disgusting.

-Leave her alone.

She's... Travel sick.

Pathetic.

You've never been through

a transference spell before, have you, dear?

I'll tell you a secret - I did the same, my first time.

Here.

Take this.

-Is it magic?

-Better.

It's sugar.

I never go anywhere without a bag of lemon drops.

Suck on that and you'll be fine next time.

I'm not doing that...

-again.

-Gets easier, doesn't it?

OK, so I'm Esmeralda. I'm head of year three.

I thought all the girls were on holiday.

I was, but I volunteered to help out Cackle and HB.

-What's HB?

-Miss Hardbroom. Deputy head.

You'll soon get to know all about her.

Right, come on, this way.

Bit of a maze round here, but you'll soon get used to it.

The kitchen's in the basement.

That's why the porridge is always so cold.

Why don't they just make food by magic?

A witch cannot live by magic alone - Witches' Code, rule number 93,

paragraph six, clause A.

All right, Ethel.

Magical food's got no nutritional value.

It's a shame. It tastes a lot better than the slop they serve here.

I can't believe she doesn't know the basic rules.

Didn't your mother teach you anything?

Didn't your mother teach you not to be a bossy old toad?

Right, let's get on with the tour.

So this is the potions lab.

Are all these magic spells? What do they do?

Oh, loads of stuff.

The second years were making invisibility elixirs last term.

Oh, let's see what they brewed up.

Not enough slugs' eggs.

Right.

What's in there?

-Oh, kitten room.

-Kittens?

-Cats are assigned in year one.

You work together with your cat all the way through the school.

We're not allowed pets in our flats.

A cat is not a pet.

It's a familiar - an ancient tool of the craft.

Can we see the kittens?

Maybe later. Your exam starts in ten minutes in the great hall.

This way.

-Come on, Mildred.

-I can't pass a witch exam.

-I'm not a...

-Shh!

Let's talk in here.

KITTENS MEW

Kittens.

If you came here, you'd have a kitten of your own.

I wish I could, but just wanting it doesn't make me a witch.

You saw me on the broomstick, so you must have some magic in your family.

I really haven't.

I never knew magic existed until today.

You've lived your whole life without magic?

Yes. Everyone does.

Well, I thought they did.

Well, you must have noticed something.

I mean, you're naturally crafty.

Didn't anything ever happened to you that you couldn't explain?

-Maybe.

-You see?

You should at least try the exam.

Was that cushion empty when we came in?

Did you shut the door?

We've lost a kitten.

OK, let's think about this.

You're a kitten - where would you go?

-Where the food is.

-The kitchen.

-That way.

-That way.

Right.

Oi! No girls allowed in my kitchen.

-I'm sorry.

-We were just...

Looking for a kitten.

KITTEN CRIES

There he is!

All right, you've got it. Now, get out.

Come on. Good girl.

Wow, Mildred, you're amazing with animals.

-Miss Cackle.

-What are you girls doing in here?

Well, you see...

Agatha!

Well met, Sister.

Well met, Agatha.

To what do we owe this unexpected surprise?

I'm writing a piece about the school,

for the Which Witching Academy website.

What are you doing in here?

These two girls were missing.

Miss Hardbroom wanted to disqualify you.

I had to use a finding spell to track you down.

And is that one of the school kittens?

He escaped.

He's back where he belongs.

Now, get along to the exam room.

I'll see you in my office.

Finally.

You go there, and you go there.

Begin.

Are you all right, dear?

I always hated exams, too.

But here's a little tip -

don't think about what's NOT in the old cauldron,

think about what is.

You mean focus on what I CAN do?

Take charge, Hecate.

I need to speak to my sister.

You want to write about my school for a website?

"20 things you didn't know about Cackle's Academy.

"Number nine will shock you", etc.

It's been five years,

and you suddenly turn up.

On selection day, of all days.

I know you do your best,

but you can't do it alone.

If we worked together...

We tried that before, remember?

I know we made mistakes.

I made mistakes.

But I've learned from them.

I want to make it up to you.

-How?

-Let me tell the witching world about the great work

you're doing here.

They'll realise that the future of the craft is in safe hands.

-What do you need from me?

-Let me interview the girls.

-The teachers?

-You may speak to Miss Hardbroom.

Well met, Sister.

BELL TOLLS

Time's up, girls. Pens down.

Is this some variety of joke?

Miss Cackle said to focus on what I CAN do.

Art's my best subject.

I will give you 1%,

and that is only because you spelled your own name correctly.

GIRLS LAUGH

-Where are you going?

-I'm...

-But the selection isn't over yet.

There's still the practical test to come.

Before we begin, Miss Hardbroom has the results of your written papers.

Some of your papers were utterly abominable,

and those were the better ones.

However, there was one chink of light in the howling void.

A perfect 100%.

Ethel Hallow, you have equalled the school record.

-Equalled?

-Your sister also scored 100% in her written entrance exam.

And went on to score 98% in the practical.

Only 98?

100%!

That's amazing.

Not for a Hallow. It's just normal.

Candidates, choose your spells.

Which do I do?

Just pick an easy spell.

Level one. You get more marks for the hard ones,

but all we need to do is pass.

My hat! You're going for a level eight?

Only because level nine aren't allowed.

You will complete the entire transformation,

including scales and internal combustion?

Why become a dragon if you don't breathe fire?

Basic levitation.

"If on flying you set your mind,

"then these ingredients you must find."

Flower of common cat trap.

Check.

Dried mandrake root.

Check. Sliver of bee's brain.

Eurgh.

Really?

I've never been interviewed for a website before.

It's nothing to worry about, Hecate.

I'm not worried.

Well, maybe you should be.

The craft is in a state of hurly-burly.

Fewer and fewer girls are inheriting magical abilities.

It must be tough, trying to keep standards up.

You know it is.

My sister is very well intentioned,

but perhaps if someone more forceful were in charge,

it might be easier to fight the tide of dumbing down.

"Slowly add the unicorn's milk."

"Stir it till it's soft as silk."

So, how's the brew going?

It's supposed to turn blue.

Did you add the pond weed gathered at midnight?

Breath of fire, hide of armour...

Ethel, can I just...?

Not now.

Give me strength, give me glamour.

Teeth of diamond, claw of steel,

force my enemies to kneel.

Let my bolts of flames be hurled, and my power shall rule the world.

She's amazing.

Five minutes, girls.

Mildred, did my potion work?

I don't know. What was it supposed to do?

Make me taller. Whoa!

I think it worked.

Mine didn't. Mildred...

It... It worked!

I'm flying! BOTH: We did it!

All right, that's enough.

Not a bad effort.

-Good luck, Ethie.

-I won't need it.

It's happening. I can feel it.

Dragon fire in my belly.

Dragon blood in my veins.

I... I want to...

I need to...

ETHEL ROARS

-HIGH-PITCHED:

-What just happened? This doesn't feel right.

Ethie?

Someone has interfered with my potion.

-I know how to perform the spell...

-Miss Cackle?

-Oh, dear.

-What is it?

Lumbricus terrestris -

a distant and rather vulgar relation of the noble dragon.

Well, it's a common beginner's error.

Let's get you back on your feet, shall we?

Somebody has done this to me.

Somebody's trying to destroy my potion!

It is sabotage.

That's what it is.

Someone messed with my potion.

I demand an inquiry.

There's no mystery about it.

I've seen this many times before.

You simply didn't add enough pond weed.

I did. I measured out the exact amount.

She's right.

It was me.

I did it.

She deliberately wrecked my spell.

No, it was a mistake.

She shouldn't even be here.

She's not even from a witching family.

What do you want?

Hi.

I just wanted to say...

Please don't blame Mildred.

I told her to take the pond weed.

It's all my fault.

No, it was me.

The point is it wasn't my fault.

I'll do the test again. I'll get it right this time.

Sorry, Ethel. You really should have double-checked your ingredients.

A good witch leaves nothing to chance.

But don't worry - with your wonderful marks in the written exam,

I'm sure you've scored enough to scrape a pass.

A pass?

And you. You really have no craft in your family at all?

But my potion worked. I actually flew.

You interfered with another witch in the course of lawful spell-casting.

That's an automatic fail.

0%.

0%?

At least it makes your written result look good.

That's not fair.

Are you questioning the code?

Yes.

Mildred's family may not be magical, but she is.

You can't turn her down just because of one mistake.

I know it seems harsh,

but witches work with the fundamental forces of nature.

Our magic must be used with utmost caution.

I'm afraid that a real witch would know that.

Congratulations to our new first years.

You've all done splendidly.

I shall see you all later for our celebratory feast.

Failed applicants this way.

Your parents and guardians will collect you.

THEY SNIFFLE

I'm glad you got in, anyway.

I just wish you were coming, too.

I really let you down.

No, you didn't.

Mildred Hubble, are you still here?

I was just leaving, Miss Hardbroom.

DISTANT MEOWING

-Are you all right, dear?

-I'm sorry.

It's just I'm not really very good with the dark.

A witch who's afraid of the dark?

I'm not a witch.

I made a fool of myself in front of everyone.

-Twice.

-My poor dear,

how dreadfully humiliating for you.

You must be so disappointed.

But that's not the worst of it -

you didn't just let yourself down,

you hurt everyone who cares about you.

Maud really wanted me to get in.

There, there.

She'll get over it.

She'll make lots of other friends - good friends,

who won't fail her like you did.

There, there.

It's all right.

Let it all out.

Feeling better?

Not really, no.

Can I have a lemon drop, please?

Lemon drop?

But... But I...

Miss Tapioca, the successful candidates are ready for the feast.

Yes, Miss Cackle.

Do you mind if...

-Mmm! It's delicious.

-Thank you, Miss Cackle.

Just needs a teeny tiny bit more ground snail shell

to make it even more yummy.

I've been using this recipe for 30 years.

Who's headmistress?

Ground snail shell, you say?

That's better.

Before the clock doth strike the hour,

this school shall be within my power.

Nettles picked by full moon's beam.

Scum skimmed from a stagnant stream.

Mandrake root,

-hear it scream.

-SCREAMING

And...

..tears of a young witch

who lost her dream.

We haven't ever been a fee-paying school.

We believe that every witch deserves a free education.

Miss Cackle!

Miss Cackle is speaking.

Maintaining our high standards does not...

-Please, you have to listen!

-Not now.

(Yes, now. You're all in danger.)

Mildred? What's wrong?

Sit down, Maud. As for you, I've had quite enough of your lies.

-But it's true!

-Time to leave.

But Agatha...

Miss Cackle! Miss Hardbroom! Maud!

Miss Hardbroom! Miss Cackle, Maud!

..And they will appreciate the importance of passing on our high

standards to the next generation.

I tried to save them. They wouldn't listen.

Whatever Agatha's got planned, they deserve it.

They're just a bunch of evil old witches.

CROAKING

Not like there's anything I can do, anyway.

CROAKING

The common cat trap flower.

From the levitation spell.

But I can't do magic.

For millennia, witches have been learning their craft

upon this site of ancient power.

The school itself was formally founded

in the dark centuries before

the coming of Arthur,

and now you yourselves will become

part of the history of the craft.

Nobody may eat until Miss Cackle has been served.

As Cackle's girls, you will be carrying on our traditions,

as your mothers and grandmothers did before you,

not to mention your great-grandmothers and your

great-great-grandmothers.

SHE SNORES

Is it dinner time?

In this school, we respect the past and the present of witchcraft.

But I've rambled on quite enough.

Time to enjoy our selection day feast.

Does that look right to you?

Wish me luck.

Well, I tried.

SHE SCREAMS

I'm getting higher!

DISTANT SCREAMING

CAT MEOWS

MILDRED SCREAMS

SORRY! SORRY! DON'T EAT THE SOUP!

I had to warn you, she put a spell on the soup.

-Who did?

-I did.

Why?

-Because

-I

-should be headmistress here.

You know it makes sense.

If you want this school to be great again, stand up and follow me.

Agatha is our leader.

-Miss Drill!

-She's the greatest witch who ever lived.

She is under the influence of a total obedience spell.

A very powerful one, too.

Which means she'll be loyal to the first person who gave her orders.

Who did this? How did this happen?

Because she tried the soup.

Just like Mildred said.

I invoke Section 7 of the Witches' Code.

Yes, I thought you might.

Girls.

To me, girls. I'll teach you a protective charm.

There's no time for that. Just look after them.

Never seen a Section 7 before.

What's a Section 7?

A magical duel between witches.

The loser will...

forfeit their powers.

Oh, dear. Come on, now.

Come on, come on.

I really don't want to have to hurt you, Agatha.

You won't.

Because you're my sister.

And you're weak.

Don't confuse kindness...

with weakness.

Hold it.

Mildred Hubble, come here, you wretched girl.

This is really bad.

You're all perfectly safe so long as you do as you're told.

Carry on.

You've always been weak.

Mother only gave you the school because you're 13 minutes older.

Those 13 minutes have saved this school from disaster.

We can do this all day if you like, Agatha.

Had enough yet, sister?

It's over.

Agatha wins.

All hail Agatha.

Help her!

The code forbids it.

Prepare to be mollusced.

She's turning her into a snail.

Fascinating.

-No!

-Mildred!

-MISS HARDBROOM: Mildred Hubble!

Please, don't hurt her.

This is all my fault. I'm sorry I spoiled your plans.

That's all right, dear.

You've just put them right back on track.

Oh, Mildred.

Ada, it's you or this girl.

One of you is leaving here in a shell.

Don't make me choose both.

Let Mildred go.

You know my price -

the school.

Free her,

and I will lower my protective spells.

You have protective spells?

Of course she did, you foolish girl.

So you weren't about to lose the duel?

No, Mildred.

Stay back, or the girl gets it.

Release the child.

And then you may do as you will with me.

-No.

-How do I know I can trust you?

I swear

by the Witches' Code.

All right.

Go.

Go, Mildred.

MAUD: Mildred!

Who's on the naughty step now, big sis?

The school is mine.

May I be the first to offer my congratulations,

headmistress?

Hecate Hardbroom!

After all Ada did for you.

She was a satisfactory headmistress.

But you were right -

we need a forceful leader to promote higher standards.

Miss Cackle was strong.

Not strong enough, it seems.

She only lost because of me.

And Agatha's really evil.

That is not for us to judge.

No witch may interfere in a Section 7 duel.

For, once accepted to this school,

you are all bound by the Witches' Code.

Miss Hardbroom, I knew I could depend on you.

No member of staff or any pupil will raise their hand against you.

We are all bound by the Witches' Code.

CAT MEWS

Perhaps, Agatha,

you would like to take possession of the keys to your school?

Keys to my school.

At last!

Now!

Now, get her! Come on!

We can't. It's against the code.

We have to stop her! Somebody, help me, please.

I'll help you, Mistress Mildred.

What should I do?

-What?

-The total obedience spell.

Quick, give her orders!

Erm, I order you to lose the duel

and turn that snail back into Miss Cackle.

I obey.

Ada.

It's all right, Hecate.

I'm fine.

Course you are.

Thank you, Mildred. That was very clever.

-Was it?

-Oh, yes.

It was the perfect way to deal with Agatha.

Agatha... Agatha is our leader.

Oh, do stop doing that.

Sorry, everyone.

Bit embarrassing.

So what will happen to Agatha?

I've confiscated her magical knowledge and ability.

As for you,

I think we should summon your parent or guardian.

Mum!

Mildred!

(I was just cleaning the toilet!)

Agatha Cackle, you were always a bad girl,

but this time you've gone too far.

I was trying to save this school from mediocrity.

It's time to go home.

Home?

Your mother is coming to collect you.

I don't think so.

My powers!

Magic is real?

That is correct.

I can't... No, I just can't...

It's OK, Mum.

If you need more proof, I'll happily turn you into a pumpkin.

Hecate...

So you're magic,

and all the teachers are magic, and girls learn...

magic?

I see where Mildred gets her quick wits, Mistress Hubble.

All right, Mrs I'm-so-magical,

if you think you're so much better than me,

how about conjuring up some manners?

Did you even realise that Mildred had applied for a place here?

No.

I had no idea.

Could we talk in private, please?

Of course.

How could you do this without even asking?

Well, I...I didn't mean to, it...

It just sort of happened.

St Joseph's is just down the road.

They've got a big new computer lab.

Yeah, but they haven't got magic, or Maud.

But how would you get here every day?

There's no buses up the mountain.

Erm...no.

It's a...boarding school.

-Oh.

-I'm sorry, Mum.

This was a stupid idea.

I'll come home.

I'll go to St Joseph's.

Wherever you want.

All I want is for you to be happy.

Do you think you'd be happy coming here?

I don't know, but...

I think I have to try, if they'll let me.

If they'll let you?

You saved their whole school.

I did, didn't I?

Absolutely, don't you forget it.

They're lucky to have you.

So am I.

They've been ages.

-What's going on?

-I bet they're going to let her in.

But if they do, I'm dropping out.

-Can we get that in writing?

-THEY SNIGGER

So...?

What did they say?

I'm in!

Yay!

But just on a trial basis.

I wouldn't bother getting too friendly.

I've a feeling that this is going to be a very short trial.

Oh, shut up, worm face.

Come on, Millie!

Prospectus, reading list, uniform requirements.

Right.

Ooh. What a lot of black.

Witches don't really do pink. Shall I transport you home?

Yes. Oh, no, wait. No, no, no. No, but...

Still got a good feeling about this year?

-Yay!

-See you next term!