Miss Softbroom The Worst Witch

And when was anyone thinking of telling me about this fire?

-Crackles at Cackle's?

-None of that was your fault.

I'm not sure Mrs Hallow would agree.

Miss Cackle's expecting a lot from today.

-Do something!

-It's too late.

-No, it's not.

Where's Mildred Hubble?

There's been a serious complaint made about your conduct.

I hate early mornings.

Technically speaking, it isn't morning yet.

The sun rises in one minute precisely.

Point is, why are we awake before the sun?

Because I am in charge of the school today, Beatrice Bunch. That's why.

But Miss Hardbroom, where's Miss Cackle?

Lessons will commence one hour earlier than usual.

Everyone dressed,

and then outside for a 20-minute run before breakfast.

SIGHS AND GROANS

What's the point of a witch running,

when we've got broomsticks to get around?

A fit witch makes a better witch, Ethel.

Almost there, girls. Breakfast is waiting.

Miss Drill, do you know where Miss Cackle is?

I know as much as you, Mildred.

Smoked fish.

Brain food, apparently.

Miss Hardbroom's asked me to supervise this lot.

Emergency staff meeting for you in five minutes.

Oh. Really?

Well, in that case...

What's the emergency?

Has it got something to do with Miss Cackle not being here?

I don't know.

I'll go and find out.

I know it is unusually early for a staff meeting,

but I have a serious matter to discuss with you this morning.

It concerns Miss Cackle.

The Great Wizard has summoned her

to appear before the Magic Council today.

Aperi Portum.

-A disciplinary hearing?

-Yes.

-That's awful. Poor Miss Cackle.

What does that mean, exactly?

It means Miss Cackle's position at this school is in jeopardy.

After today, she may no longer be our headmistress.

No!

There's more, I'm afraid.

Alongside this enquiry into Miss Cackle, the council,

in their wisdom...

MILDRED SNEEZES

Mildred Hubble?

Hello, Miss Hardbroom. I was just about to knock.

I literally just got here.

This second. Right now.

What do you want?

Smoked fish! For breakfast.

Every day. We love it.

Ask Miss Tapioca, not me.

Go.

Go!

Alongside the investigation into Miss Cackle,

the council wish to take a look at the school.

-What for?

-To see if it is safe and fit for purpose.

They are sending an inspector.

-When's that?

-Three hours, five minutes' time precisely.

Therefore, in Miss Cackle's absence,

it is imperative that when Miss Doomstone arrives...

-I thought she'd retired.

-Miss Doomstone?

You know her?

They used to call her Doomstone the Destroyer.

The terminator of schools.

All the more reason to make sure

that the school be presented in the best possible light.

This is no ordinary inspection.

The fate of Miss Cackle and the entire school depends upon it.

For this reason, I do not wish the girls to be informed.

Why's that?

Because nerves and magic do not mix.

-Miss Cackle's in trouble.

-No!

What kind of trouble?

She could lose her job kind of trouble.

She needs our support.

-Are you coming?

-Where to?

Magic Council.

We can't. We've got HB for Potions first thing.

I'm really not used to getting up so early, Miss Hardbroom.

Miss Bat will be covering my potions class this morning.

Do not, however, use this as an excuse to mess around.

Do not take any nonsense from the girls, Miss Bat.

SNORING

Miss Bat?

It's important to keep awake, Miss Bat.

-WHISPERS:

-Today of all days.

OK girls, Potions class.

WHISPERS: This is our chance.

Hey! Miss Bat? Miss Bat!

Rise.

Rise.

Rise.

Rise!

Rise.

Speak firmly to it, Sybil.

Rise!

I don't think I need to remind you, Miss Drill, that our visitor

will be assessing the girls on their Broomstick Attainment Tests.

I can assure you they are all up to speed on their BATs, Miss Hardbroom.

Rise!

For everyone's sake, I hope so.

Stop daydreaming, Beatrice Bunch!

You look as if you're catching flies.

Come on, Sybil.

Rise!

What is going on in here?

-Where is Miss Bat?

-We don't know, Miss Hardbroom.

Unbelievable.

Open your books. Page 25.

I want you to make a simple colour-changing potion.

Miss Drill, a word?

Get on with your potions.

Find Ethel Hallow and send her to me.

We need our star pupil on show the moment Miss Doomstone arrives.

I'm on it.

-Something's going on.

-I know.

HB seems really jumpy today.

For goodness' sake, Sybil Hallow, what are you doing?!

I put foxbane in instead of nightshade.

Your brilliant sister loses all her powers

and you don't have the faintest idea what to do with yours!

You are a disgrace to the name of Hallow.

I'm sorry, it was an accident.

Excuse me, Miss Hardbroom, I really don't think that's fair.

Did I ask you to speak, Beatrice Bunch?

No, Miss Hardbroom.

Then don't.

Start again!

HB's a total monster.

Never mind a colour-changing potion, we need a personality-changing one.

Something like this, you mean?

"Personality changing potion - for reversing personality traits.

"Makes the timid person brave, the sad person happy

"and the hard-hearted soft as a marshmallow." Oh, yes!

Somebody's coming!

Aperi Portum.

Aperi Portum.

It is with a heavy heart that I have called you all here today

to this disciplinary hearing of Miss Cackle.

Now, I'm sorry it's come to this, but let us begin.

I believe there was a fire in a girl's bedroom,

and a whole wing of the school fell down at the beginning of term.

And then, of course, there's the whole matter of one of the students

losing her powers whilst under Miss Cackle's pastoral care.

Mrs Hallow, I believe you have something to say

-about your daughter's condition.

-I do indeed.

What a traitor!

OK, this is where Miss Hardbroom becomes Miss Softbroom.

Beatrice, this is a bad idea. Don't do it.

Miss Hardbroom, my colour-changing potion's ready.

Nothing appears to be happening.

Yes, Beatrice. Nothing's happening.

Tell you what, Miss Hardbroom.

Why don't we forget about potion class for today

and do something fun instead?

What did you say?!

I said...

Erm...

Fun?!

MISS HARDBROOM LAUGHS

Yes!

Lessons should be fun.

Why not?

THEY LAUGH

Woo!

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Miss Hardbroom?

-Yes?

Miss Drill said you wanted to see me.

Did she?

Is it to do with Mildred, Maud and Enid? They've disappeared.

Did they make an invisibility potion?

No. They've left the school premises.

For good? That's...

..three less to teach, then.

Did you lot make a laughter potion?

Kind of.

Maybe we'll go and talk to Miss Drill again.

Perhaps she'll remember.

What happened to Esmeralda is a tragedy,

and I lay the blame entirely at Miss Cackle's feet.

When we send our children to school, we expect them to be safe.

But it was Agatha who did it, not Miss Cackle.

Indeed, and that is why I've arranged a school inspection visit

-for today.

-An inspection?

Perhaps you'd already left before Miss Doomstone called.

You are sending Doomstone the Destroyer to inspect my school?

Miss Cackle, remember where you are.

# Five little speckled frogs

# Sat on a speckled log

# Eating some most delicious bugs... #

Yum, yum!

We're going to be in so much trouble when HB finds out.

Relax, Sybil. This is fun.

Define fun.

# Then there were four speckled frogs. #

Miss Hardbroom! Can class be dismissed early for once?

-Yes, why not? Good idea.

-Yes!

She didn't seem interested, did she, Felicity?

-No.

-Quietly, girls!

She seemed very distracted.

Oh! Aren't we all, with this inspection looming?

What inspection?

Well, that's what she wanted to see you about, Ethel.

She wants you to help show the inspector around.

Ah, Miss Hardbroom.

Agh! Miss Drill.

I don't want to hear any talk about work today.

The girls are right, we all need to take time to smell the roses.

What roses? She never asked me to get any roses.

Something's happened to Miss Hardbroom.

Oh, my giddy bats.

And I know who's to blame.

What have you three done to Miss Hardbroom?

Erm...why do you think we've done anything?

Tell me now.

The future of the entire school depends on it.

The inspector's arrived early! She's in the entrance hall.

No!

Shall I stall her, Miss Drill?

Yes, get her out of the building, Ethel.

What is it? What's wrong?

All right, you three - spill.

CHILDREN CHATTER

Ah. Erm. Eh... Ooh!

How wonderfully exuberant!

Er, girls, can anyone tell me where I might find Miss...

-..Hardbroom?

-FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Well met, Miss Doomstone. I'm Ethel Hallow.

Would you like to follow me?

Finally!

And I am disappointed at Mrs Hallow's negativity.

I cannot help but question her motives.

The fact that she has sent all three of her daughters to my school

shows a degree of trust in Cackle's Academy.

You have lost any trust that you had, Miss Cackle,

and not just with me

but with the majority of the parents.

I have a petition here,

signed by 80% of the parents,

demanding Miss Cackle be removed from this school.

-May I see it?

-Ah.

Thank you.

Do you have anything to say in your defence?

Taken at face value,

all the accusations are true.

Your greatness, I will take full and personal responsibility,

but I beg you to keep the academy open.

Are you sure you haven't been drinking witches' brew,

Miss Hardbroom?

Miss Hardbroom, you have to come with me to the potions lab -

immediately.

-Why?

-Because the inspector has arrived

and she can't see you like this.

Doomstone the Destroyer is here?

The inspection visit. Of course. I wonder if she likes roses.

-I'll go and see her.

-No, Miss Hardbroom,

that's not a very good...

Miss Mould, bring Miss Bat and the rest of the staff up to speed.

Felicity, let the rest of the girls know about the inspection.

And you - find an antidote sharpish!

I need to find Miss Hardbroom.

I will bear what you have to say in mind.

Now, if you have nothing else to say, I suggest...

Wait!

We have something to say.

Mildred Hubble.

You girls should be in school!

You see? This is a perfect example of what I've been talking about.

What are you girls doing here?

We are here as character witnesses for you, Miss Cackle.

Please let us speak.

And this is the witch ball court.

We have an excellent team and, although I don't like to brag,

-I'm one of the star players.

-SHE CHUCKLES

Why exactly are we outside, my dear?

Erm...

we're doing the exterior tour first.

Before the rain sets in.

It isn't forecast to rain.

Now this way to the herb garden.

We have a marvellous display of rosemary, basil and thyme.

You're wasting my time, Miss Hallow.

Take me to Miss Hardbroom.

But...

..you haven't seen the family trees yet, either.

And Miss Hardbroom expressly told me to...

I smell a big fat rat, Miss Hallow.

That's probably the manure that Mr Rowan Webb puts on his roses.

Oh!

Now, Miss Hallow!

Miss Doomstone, wait!

Everything Miss Cackle ever does is based on what is

best for the school and the girls.

She doesn't tick boxes and suck up to committees and Magic Councils.

She gets on with the job and teaches us girls how to fly.

And I don't mean on a broomstick, either.

Miss Cackle takes risks.

My point exactly.

But not on health and safety, as suggested today.

On people.

She took a risk on me, and I will always be grateful for that.

Please don't take her from us.

She's our role model, and we love her.

Don't you want to see the family trees?

No, I want to see Miss Hardbroom.

S... Oh!

Where is she?

Come with me! HARDBROOM SQUEALS

HARDBROOM HUMS Jimsonweed.

A ladle of frog gloop.

A ladle of frog gloop.

-Ah, here.

-Quickly, Sybil.

A ladle of frog gloop.

Ugh!

And finally, a spoonful

of the original personality-changing potion.

-It's going a different colour.

-Mm.

Green for the original, red for the antidote.

OK, let me strain this, and then we'll give it to Miss Hardbroom.

We couldn't stall her any longer.

She's on her way here with Miss Bat.

SHE GROANS Quickly, quickly!

Come and drink this, Miss Hardbroom.

You give it to her, Clarice.

-Help me tidy up, Ethel.

-Miss Hardbroom, drink this!

What are you trying to hide from me?

I know you, Miss Batty, from days of old.

It's Bat.

You know it's Bat!

I'll not taste it! It smells disgusting.

-Miss Hardbroom!

-No!

No!

-How about this one instead?

-Oh...

No!

-Well met, Miss Doomstone.

-Miss Hardbroom?!

What's been going on in here?

We've been having fun in class.

Fun?!

A school isn't a place to have fun, Miss Ha...argh...broom!

-SHE SNIGGERS

-Oh, my hat!

-Frog gloop.

-Miss Doomstone, are you all right?

This school is finished.

After what Mildred said, there's no way they're getting rid of you.

You spoke very well, Mildred.

I wonder how they're getting on with the inspection.

I'm sure with Miss Hardbroom in charge

everything will be going swimmingly.

You can't go yet.

You haven't seen the whole school.

-Or my A* projects.

-I've seen quite enough, thank you very much.

-But, Miss Doomstone...

-Don't touch me!

SHE CHOKES

-Oh, no, frog gloop!

-Frog...

Is she OK...?

Frog in throat!

Somebody do something!

Well done, Ethel.

Here, drink this.

-Oh...

-Stop! Miss Doomstone...no!

Better?

-MISS HARDBROOM SIGHS

-That was close.

Cheers, Ethel. Job well done.

Is that what I think it is?

Yeah.

How are you feeling, Miss Doomstone?

Absolutely marvellous.

You people have saved my life.

I shall be eternally grateful.

What are you girls gawping at?

Take these back to where they came from.

Welcome back, Miss Hardbroom.

I haven't been away.

Have I?

Miss Cackle, the council have made their decision.

Would you take your place, please?

What an absolutely charming school.

Such well-mannered, responsible girls

and a most dedicated teaching staff.

I've had a wonderful time.

Well, apart from almost choking to death on a frog, that is.

SHE CHUCKLES

Don't worry. I won't tell.

In fact, I probably shouldn't mention this, but I've already

reported back to the Magic Council to let them know my decision.

Which...is?

The school is to remain open!

DOOMSTONE CHUCKLES

Toodle-pip. Well done.

Why was everyone so scared of her?

She seemed perfectly pleasant.

-GIRLS GIGGLE

-I did it.

I saved the school.

Miss Drill, shouldn't we have given Miss Doomstone the antidote?

Don't worry.

The potion will wear off eventually.

Over the next six months or so.

Six months?!

Does Miss Hardbroom know what happened today?

She can't remember you giving her the potion,

if that's what you mean.

Will you tell her?

No.

-Thank you.

-You won't be thanking me

when you've spent a whole day cleaning out the sports cupboard.

I think some of the Softbroom potion must have worn off on HB.

She almost smiled just then.

Or maybe, compared to someone like Miss Doomstone,

she's really not that bad after all.

Well met, everybody.

I don't know what you all did to charm Miss Doomstone today

but, whatever it was, you did a very good job.

She gave the school a glowing report.

So...why the long faces?

What is it, Ada?

I am no longer your headmistress.

GASPS AND MURMURS No!

The council have decreed that a new headteacher be appointed to

this school.

I will be leaving at the end of term, and Miss Hardbroom will

continue as acting head until a replacement can be found.

-Miss Pentangle!

-What do you think she's doing here?

A super head?

It just means I'd be headteacher of both schools.

Mum says Miss Cackle IS the school.

Without her, they don't see the point of me staying.

We could all end up at different schools.

I need to think of a way to prove

Miss Cackle should still be headteacher.

No, put it out!

Maybe there's still a way to change the Great Wizard's mind.