Into the Lion's Den The Zoo

THEY BEATBOX

Hmm?

THEY SCAT

THEY HARMONISE

Hmm.

THEY HARMONISE

Argh!

Shut up.

It's Monday morning at the zoo

and animal families of all shapes and sizes are starting their day.

Families are an important daily part of daily life at the zoo.

Whee!

-And families are important...

-Please, don't let me go!

..because there's always someone there to catch you if you...

-Oh, no!

-Please, don't let me go!

-What are you doing?!

-Argggh!

-Ah, yes!

-Gotcha!

Just a small drop.

-Cheeky monkeys!

-We're baboons, actually.

Right. Anyway...

families at the zoo are growing all the time and new arrivals

always cause a bit of a stir. SNORING

-Hey!

-Today, one group of animals is causing an even bigger stir

-than normal.

-What?

-What?

In fact, it's the biggest stir since stirring records began.

And cat keeper Helen has some more information.

We're expecting lion cubs, and so we're very excited about that

and hoping that's all going to go nicely.

-You're not excited, are you?

-Very excited.

Yes, it is exciting, isn't it? And how about the father?

-Huh?

-Neil?

-What? What have I done this time?

You know, the thing about you becoming a dad.

I'm going to be a dad?!

SCREECHING

-Oh!

-Sorry, Neil. I thought you knew.

Well, while Neil is getting used to the idea of becoming a dad,

the exciting news of the cubs' impending arrival is spreading fast.

But not everyone is happy about the prospect of the new arrivals.

-Oh, no! You know what this means, don't you?

-More bananas?

Er, no. All the visitors love a cute little baby.

We won't stand a chance against them cubs.

Geoffrey, what are you yabbering about?

Er, hello! Lion cubs.

When it comes to the cute-o-meter,

those little fur balls are off the scale.

Everybody who is anybody will want to take a look.

-We won't see any visitors for weeks.

-What? Rubbish!

Look at all these people.

Every single one of them is here to see me.

Being cute doesn't come into it.

All I have to do is sit around and catch stuff.

Look, watch this.

Craig! You throw like a monkey.

You mark my words, boss,

cute beats rubbish catching skills any day of the week.

Nonsense. Check out my incredible parkour skills.

HE GROANS

Yes, well, very impressive, Jurgen.

-Shut up.

-Listen, I really don't think you need to worry.

Babies are boring, funny-looking, cry a lot.

Oh, there's a big crowd over by the lion enclosure.

They've been born. Go on, then, let's have a look. Excuse me!

Excuse me. Let me see.

Babies are cute... Oh, my word!

Aww, look at him! He's adorable.

Oh, there's another one.

I take it back, Jurgen, they are ridiculously cute.

-Yeah, well, whatever.

-Who are you calling cute?!

Yeah, say that again and I'll biff you on the bum, like this!

Yeah, and I'll squash you, like this.

Get off me.

They are ridiculously cute!

Oh, they're gorgeous, aren't they?

What are they called?

We're called lion cubs, stupid!

No, I mean... Oh, never mind.

-So, Helen...

-Hi!

How's first-time mum Jenny getting on?

She's doing very well so far. She's been very calm, very relaxed.

Probably calmer and nicer than her mother was with her.

Oh, it's nonsense. One time I lost you. One time.

How was I supposed to know that that stupid crocodile

would be such a terrible baby-sitter?

Ah, right. Anyway, how about dad? Where's he?

He'd have to watch from a distance until the cubs are older

-and then he'll be able to go in with them.

-Hmm?

Neil, so you're going to meet the cubs soon.

Are you excited about being a dad?

Well, I mean, well done me and all that.

But what exactly do dads do?

Just look after their kids every day of their lives

until they're fully grown.

Oh, dear! That all sounds like jolly hard work to me.

Stop being so lazy and pathetic.

Children must look up to their father.

They need someone strong and confident and courageous.

Oh, I don't know if I can be any of those things.

You are a waste of space!

Oh, I remember Jenny's ex-boyfriend Maximus.

Now, he would have made a fantastic father.

You... You are as useless as a cat at a dog show.

As everyone in the zoo, apart from Neil,

flocks to try and catch a glimpse of the extremely tiny,

cutie-wootie little cubs...

Oh, look at them, they're so adorable.

I just want to give them a cuddle. Their little chubby cheeks!

Anyway, sorry, what was I saying?

Yes. Things aren't quite so busy over on Gorilla Island.

-Hm, where is everybody?

-Oh, well, what a surprise.

They've all gone to try and get a look at those super cute lion cubs.

What? Come on, boys.

We need to make the people love us again.

Here we go. We will not be out-cuted by those lions.

We need to get cute.

Well, then, we need to get something small, fluffy and adorable.

Hm, well, what about Dave?

-DAVE PASSES WIND

-Uh?

No, not really.

Well, what about a puppy then?

Yeah, that would do it. But we don't have any puppies.

Hm, OK, true.

-Some other cute pet then.

-I've got a pet.

Dave, how many times? That's a piece of poo!

Hey, buddy, don't you listen to him.

The gorillas may be struggling to attract any visitors,

but back at the lion enclosure, there's no such trouble

as the lion cubs begin to get used to the adoration

of their adoring public and mother.

Ouch!

Next-door, it's nearly time for Neil to meet his cutie-wootie

little cubs.

Neil, not long now. Feeling a bit more ready?

Well, I've been practising being a strong and confident dad.

I've been working on my roar. Watch this.

This should be amusing!

R...

Ro... Roo...

Roo...

Achoo!

-What do you think?

-Pah!

-Yes...

-Terrible.

-Terrifying, Neil.

-Rubbish.

-Absolutely terrifying.

Oh, no! I just don't think I can be a dad.

Oi, scruff ball.

-You need to start facing up to your responsibilities.

-Oh!

-Lazy bum.

-Mum! He's not lazy.

He's just, you know, he's sensitive.

Oh, I'm going to be terrible!

With the public turning up in their thousands to get a glimpse of the

cutie-wootie ickle cubbie-wubbies...

Enough of all this cutie-wootie, huh?

Sorry, as I was saying.

..the gorillas aren't getting a look in.

Are you, Jurgen?

-Gerti! Gerti!

-Hello, Jurgen? What on earth is Jurgen doing?

He's convinced we need a cute pet to bring the crowds back.

-I've told him it won't work.

-And who's Gerti?

It's his new pet goldfish. He keeps losing it.

-Shut up, Geoffrey!

-I've got a pet.

No, you don't, Dave.

Back with the lions, the throngs are still thronging.

The time has come for the cubs to finally meet their dad

for the first time. Everyone who's anyone has turned out to watch.

Yeah, we're going to meet Dad!

-Yay, yay!

-I can't wait to pull his tail.

I'm going to jump on his head.

Oh!

Neil, it's nearly time. Are you ready?

I... OK, well, I'll give it a try.

-Oh, come on, Neil.

-Oh, come on.

-You can do this.

-Come on, Neil!

-Be strong, be confident, be courageous.

-I can...

I can do this.

I am a lion.

I am king of the jungle!

Neil, here they come!

-Dad! Dad!

-Oh, don't hurt me! Don't hurt me.

Don't hurt me. Please, don't hurt me!

-Dad, come and play with us.

-Play with you?

-Yes!

Yeah, play with us, Dad.

Ha-ha!

Well, I know how to play!

Oh, that tickles.

Whoohoo! You're the best dad ever!

-Oh, he is. I love you, Dad.

-Being a dad's easy.

I thought I had to be strong, confident and courageous.

-Yes, you do.

-No, you just need to be big...and hairy.

-That I can do.

-Oh, look, I knew he'd be a great dad.

Oh, he's brilliant, isn't he, Mum?

Hm, whatever.

With the lions finally together as one big happy, adorable family...

I'm the daddy! Oh, Jenny!

..things over on Gorilla Island are, well, much less adorable.

-Does this look cute?

-No.

How about this?

-No.

-What about this?

Geoffrey, what about this? Do I look cute?

No! Will you give it a rest, boss?

Look, I think you have to accept that as a massive western lowland

gorilla, you're probably never going to be considered that cute.

But, wait, look!

The people, they're coming back.

See, I am super cutie.

They are coming back but that's not because you're cute, boss.

It's because they like seeing a big hairy ape.

-Hmm.

-Yeah, it's like, be yourself, dude.

Big, stupid, playing around like an idiot.

Oh, hold on!

-Dave?

-Hmm?

-What are you eating? Is that Gerti...

-Uh-oh!

-..my goldfish?

Agggh!

No! No, Dave! Gerti!

-There you go. Perfect!

-No, Dave! Agggh!

Look, boss, the people are loving it.

Give me back my fishy!

Sorry, dude! That was yummy.

I hate you, Dave.