Episode 7 WHOOPS I MISSED THE BUS

Hola, mis amigos.

Hide your telly remote, put your tootsies up,

and definitely, definitely get comfy,

as you're just in time for Whoops I Missed The Bus.

Hip, hip, hooray!

We got some glorious telly...

I wouldn't know anything about football

if it hit me in the face, cocker.

Bow!

..we've got some different telly...

..and we've got your faces on the telly.

Don't forget to watch

The Dengineers.

But now - have you been snowed under

with homework and missed CBBC?

Then catch up with our resident vloggers on your TV.

That may have been the worst rhyme ever,

but you can't deny the message was clever.

Oh, no, what have I done?

All right, enough of that.

First up, it's the Prince of CBBC, the Lord of the Vlog...

..you're up!

I love Junior Vets On Call because it's about people

who are passionate about animals spreading that joy,

and I always come away from it feeling a lot more positive.

Now, Cameron, I hear you're the animal man with the animal facts?

Yep. Once a bee stings, it dies.

All right, the show's just started.

Don't just go straight for those type of facts.

Keep it upbeat. Choose another fact,

like bees make a lot of delicious honey when they're...

alive...

and happy.

Let's get our cows in line so we can do the business.

A tasty barley snack should do it.

Roll up, roll up.

Come on, ladies, get a MOOve on.

The suspense is killing me.

I was watching that and thought, "Instead of tipping food

"onto the floor for the animals, why don't we just

"pop it on a plate? Make it an event for them?"

Take them out to dinner?

It's a bit nicer, isn't it, having it on a plate, knife and fork?

My pocket money pitch, hello.

I know we have cats' and dogs' bowls.

Sure, the cats and dogs are happy. They're living it up in luxury.

But think of the cows.

If a cat and dog's dining experience is five-star,

a cow - what's that?

It doesn't even have any stars. It doesn't have a bowl.

How will it have any stars if it doesn't have a bowl?

Cows already eat just grass out of the ground.

Let's give them a proper dining experience, OK?

Thank you for watching. That's not the end.

I don't know why I'm ending it.

I like how on Junior Vets On Call they cover different topics.

It's not just cows, it's not just haunting facts

about bees - thank you, Cameron.

They transition into talking about lots of different things.

GOOSE HONKS, HORSE WHINNIES

Wait, hold it there. In that transition, in the background,

what conversation is a goose having with horses, please?

"Just keep talking. Just keep talking.

"We're on TV, pretend we're friends.

"It's fine, it's fine."

OWL HOOTS

There we go again - a Fox and an owl.

They definitely should not be on talking terms.

Whilst the junior vets are out looking after the cows,

they've left the geeses with the horses and the foxes with the owls.

Dangerous combinations.

I wonder what the best attribute is

you need to be a good junior vet.

I've been doing research to find out.

Can you tell me if her teeth look good?

Yeah, they look good.

Yeah, they look good, don't they?

-Like, nice and pink.

-Yeah.

Yeah, nice and pink, and not red.

I think it's just compliments, I think.

Making the animal feel better by complimenting them.

"We've got a poorly lamb. You've got a lovely hair.

"I'm a junior vet.

"Ill goose, but such a nice goose.

"I'm a junior vet.

"Unwell dog. Good teeth. Great teeth, I'd even say."

Now, it's a well dog.

OWL HOOTS

A fox and an owl. Don't put an owl with a fox, please.

I'm a junior vet now, I know these things for a fact,

so does Cameron - Cameron knows things for a fact.

Once a bee stings, it dies.

I'm so sorry, bees,

it didn't have to be like this.

BEE like - it didn't have to BEE like this.

It's a good joke. It's not appropriate, really.

King Myles has impressed as usual.

Now, what do you get if you cross a CBBC fan with a video full of joy?

Take it away, my 15-second beauties.

My 15-second fan on CBBC

is The Dengineers

because they create really cool dens, and I like art,

so don't forget to watch The Dengineers.

Well done!

My favourite programme on CBBC

is definitely Blue Peter.

You get action, challenges and...

things to do during it.

And...

You get Blue Peter badges.

Thank you.

Nice one.

I love Wolfblood because Jana

is such an amazing actor,

and I would love to know what it's like to be her

and play on the set of Wolfblood.

And it's always full of adventure,

and you never know what's going to happen next.

Get in!

My favourite show on CBBC is The Next Step

because it has dancing in it, and I love dancing,

and I love all the characters and all the drama.

-Bye.

-CHEERING

Round of applause, people, come on!

The bar has been raised.

If you're sitting at home thinking,

"I fancy doing that" - it's simple.

Just record a short vlog chatting

about your favourite CBBC show

and upload it to the Whoops web page.

Now, never, ever take a certain meat paste-loving troublemaker

to meet a table-topping footy team -

you're just asking for chaos.

Wigan - home of the home of me, Hacker T Dog,

and top-notch football team Wigan Athletic,

flying high in League One.

And they're playing Southend today, apparently.

I wouldn't know anything about football

if it hit me in the face, cocker.

-Bow!

-HE GROANS

So I've come to the DW Stadium,

home of the Latics, to have a nosy around.

Come on, you footballs!

Wa-da-doo, hey!

Rule number one of football - get yourself a kit.

Ah! Oh, that's not right, is it?

That's better, cockers.

Hey, you're supposed to pay for that.

Oh, certainly, cocker.

Oh, look over there -

it's Wigan's leading goal scorer, Will Grigg.

What?

-HACKER LAUGHS

-Oi!

Here we are in the dressing room.

This is where everyone gets dressed for the match.

Let's have a nosy about, cocker.

-Boots...

-HE SNIFFS

..stink.

Showers, wet.

That's not mine.

That is not mine.

That's not mine, but wait!

-SINGSONGY:

-That's mi-i-ne. Ooh!

-Who are you?

-Reece James.

Oh, and what position do you play, cocker?

-Left-back...

-And what does that mean?

..in the changing room.

Eh? He's a comedian.

Have you got any tips on becoming

a top-notch football player?

Train really hard...

-Train really hard, yeah.

-And...

-never give up.

-Never give up? Right.

And if you can believe it, you can achieve it.

Oh, I've given up on this. Off you go.

Who do you want to win today?

-Wigan Athletic.

-And why's that?

Because they're a good team, top of the league,

and that's who I support.

-Wigan.

-And why do you think that?

Because they're awesome.

They are AWFUL, aren't they? You're right.

-Because we have Yanic.

-You've got what?

-We've got Yanic Wildschut.

-You can get cream for that.

How many thingies do you think we'll score?

A million.

A million thingies!

Right, we're off to watch the game.

Come on, you Latics! Woo-woo!

CHEERING

There's pranks, spooky stories

and, of course, one very angry matron. It's Hetty Feather.

This week, the girls are swapping ghost stories.

I'm not so sure about that,

I've never been very good at ghost stories.

And one day, there were footprints on the floor,

and...I can't say. My own story's even scaring me.

Can we turn the lights on, please?

But I'm braver now, so let's see what's the girls have to say.

Then at once...

KNOCKING ON DOOR

..the hospital ghost appeared.

Right.

Joseph Twigg, the ghostly foundling boy...

OK.

It was a dark and stormy night.

when the lady of the house heard footsteps.

She opened the scullery door...

..and she saw her...

..the ghost of Flora.

Oh, stop, I can't take it.

The only thing spookier than ghost stories is the Matron.

Foundlings, back to your classrooms.

Now!

Ugh, she's so mean.

After the ghost stories, things calmed down a little,

and two of the hospital's visitors are invited to...

Well, they're invited to...

We allow visitors to watch them dine each Sunday.

Oh, yeah, great(!)

Everyone wants to be watched as they sit down

to enjoy their meal, said no-one ever.

There's a small charge for entry.

So now they're charging them for this, too?

I know they didn't have TV internet back then,

but surely they could think about something else to do for fun.

OK, really, this is very distracting.

And what's with the lack of colour? Was it the Matron's idea to put

everyone in brown, black or grey clothes?

It's like colour hasn't even been invented yet.

And today, my exciting new nail colour is grey.

What a surprise(!)

Here she is.

-So pretty.

-All set, Polly?

If you've not seen this episode yet, cover your ears.

The good news is that everything works out OK for Polly. Yay!

Now, I've just got to try and come up with a better,

spookier ghost story than Hetty. Here we go.

It was a cold and misty night, and...

-EERIE MOANING

-Did you hear that, too?

This is definitely why I don't do ghost stories.

EERIE MOANING, SHE YELPS

Now, Officially Amazing.

I had to actually sit down and ask myself, "Is it Officially Amazing

"or just bizarre?"

Did I just say that out loud?

Yes, I did, and, erm,

there isn't any shame in my game.

Ta-da!

Wait, can we just go back to those titles, please?

Because I'm a bit confused.

Why is Haruka's head the width of a car

but she's smaller than a cake?

Which are behind four random legs sticking up.

So bizarre.

Meanwhile, the dog's ears are longer than a toilet,

Al's arms are thinner than Ben's glasses,

and why for the love of all things Officially Amazing

are they stood on a snake?

Like I said before, bizarre.

What I do love about the show is that absolute

bizarreness of the world-record attempts.

Is that the fourth time I've used the word bizarre?

OK, now fifth? May as well put a number count on it.

But tell me, where else are you going to see a

cool man in a grey waistcoat attempt to crack eggs with a whip?

HORN BLARES

-COMMENTATOR:

-'And Johnny's off.

'If Johnny's hand is just a millimetre off-target,

'the whip will fall centimetres away from the egg.'

And that that wasn't bizarre enough,

where else do you see people being

fed jelly by a helpful foot?

HOOTER BLARES

'Haruka is getting bulbous mouthfuls every time.'

Wait, go back.

Check out Mr Cherry's toenail art.

My gosh.

Your nails look like they deserve their own catwalk.

Fabulous, fabulous. Mm.

As you can see, the middle and index finger I'm modelling are very

bright in fabulous red nail polish -

right on trend for spring 2016.

And this is also...

very bizarre.

I definitely just took it a step too far, didn't I?

Actually, Steve just took it a step too far.

With all that world record attempting, I thought,

"May as well try it yourself. Why not?

Sitting at home, vlogging. (Why not?)

..with a spinning hoop.

Let's do this bad boy.

JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS

That was my attempt and...

I guess it was all right.

But shall we see how the

Officially competitors got on?

'He looks like a crab trapped in a hairband,

'but he's slowly inching his way to victory.

'What grit, what style, what athletic...

'incompetence.'

Steve? I love you, but go home.

'He can't even get over the start line.

'So no world record today, then.'

There are no words for that.

There you have it, Officially Amazing is officially amazing,

officially gross and I actually officially love it.

Ooh, and one more thing -

it's officially...

bizarre.

OK, officially, that's the last time I'm going to say it.

Officially, it is. OK, I fibbed.

B to the I to the Z to the A to the R-R-E

# Bizarre

# Bizarre. #

Thanks, Tee Cee. Officially amazing vlogging.

Anyhoo, ever wish we lived in a world where pets would stop

being shy and just tell us what they're really thinking?

Well, here's another gift for you.

It's time for...

'Mum? Mumma? Ma?

'Can I have another cushion, please?

'Oh, and some milk?

'Maybe a bickie? Blue Peter always gives me

'the nibbles and a warm, fluffy feeling.

'Oh, that's my tail.'

'Oh, my days. Oh, my days.

'Lily? Lily?

'Eve is on. Oh, my days.

'Oh, my days! Oh, my days!'

'Ellie, can you move me closer to the telly, love?

'What was that? Is there a window open in here?

'Oh, no, I want nothing distracting me from CBBC.

'Close it. Close windy.'

Bravo.

What high quality furry banter.

If you fancy hearing what

your pet has to say for itself,

record them watching CBBC

and send it into us

via the magical Whoops web page.

It's astonishing stuff!

Now, if you thought your day could not get any better,

you are wrong

because we have some bite-sized chunks

of CBBC telly gold, right here.

-There you are.

-THEY SCREAM

Why did you scream?

Cos you frightened me.

Why'd you scream?

Thought someone was sneaking up behind me.

Anyway, that doesn't matter.

Have you asked out Michelle?

No.

No, I'm still trying to figure out what to say.

Do you have anything?

I got something good.

OK, shoot.

Hey, Michelle...

didn't see you there.

That's lovely, John, really(!) It'll sweep her off her feet.

Is this the end for Danger Mouse and Penfold?

Will the Nagathrondian space beast eat them...? Wait a minute.

Did I miss the whole episode?

I mean, it did take me a while to find my car keys this morning,

but I wasn't that late.

He's got a point, Penfold.

-Can you remember how we got here?

-No, chief.

One minute I was mopping the bathroom back at HQ

and then, bam,

I'm here being chased by a...

-BOTH:

-Nagathrondian space beast!

THEY SCREAM

SPACE BEAST ROARS

# I coulda been dating Clem

# But ain't nothing going on Can I vent?

# I'll be stuck at a dance with Katie

# Rather be twirling about with a girl with a temper

# That's Clemster But I messed up

# And now she's gone till September

# And now I've got to run around pleasing the bossy girl

# And I don't know what I'm in for

# Oh, no, this ain't what

# I imagined to happen

# I saw Nero on his own

# But he'll be there with someone... #

Karim, Zoe says...

You know what, yeah? Stuff ya.

-Happy?

-I've never been so happy.

That's your lot till next time,

but you can catch up with

all your favourite CBBC shows on CBBC iPlayer.

Phew! Nothing can bring me down from CBBC cloud nine now,

not even missing that bus.

I'm still up here, driver.

I'm still up here!