Don't Dimension It Wingin' It

I haven't seen you like this since Becky's internet video beat yours.

I am still stung. What is so great about a cat playing piano?

-It's not something you see often.

-And their paws are so funny!

-Carl, are you OK?

-I know the stock answer is, I'm OK, but I'm bored.

You've got two angels as friends.

-A sister who's an internet sensation.

-900 hits is not an sensation.

Everything is just so predictable.

This school is the same every single day. For example, Jane.

Every morning she reads her article.

She ponders, and then comes to me with a headline for tomorrow.

-Students hate school!

-Lucky guess.

-Then there's Alex.

He'll ask me if something is infected.

-Does this still look infected?

-Yep. Almost a new record.

-Awesome!

-Brittany will bump into me while texting...

-Oh!

Carl, you made me hit Send early.

Now everybody will think

I'm rolling around on the floor but not laughing.

Serge will catch a football and I still don't know

who is throwing it to him.

-Thanks!

-Yeah. I know. Out of my way, Montclaire.

Cue Mr Dolby with Monday's joke.

Carl, what do you get when you cross a chicken with a dog?

-Cock-a-poodle-do.

-Precisely. See you in class.

And the bell will ring...

-BELL RINGS

-And then I hurry off to class

because I'm late from hanging out with you two chuckleheads.

-What of that?

-Wonder what's for lunch?

-Shrimp linguini.

Mmm!

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything we've got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will surely conquer the world

# Hey! I've got my wings

# From an angel

# Now we're wingin' it all the time

# I'm giving wings to an angel

# Always an angel

# Now we've got to learn to fly. #

-You want me to do it?

-No, I can do it.

-I'm happy to.

-I got it covered.

BUZZER

'Carl Montclaire to the office, please.

'Carl Montclaire to the office.'

You came out of that class fast.

-I got myself out of a pop quiz.

-Wow! Bonus.

-What are you guys doing here?

Principal Malone didn't call you - it was us.

Carl Montclaire, prepare to be dazzled.

-Prepare for a surprise.

-All this because I'm bored?

Since you got to do Principal Malone's voice,

-I do the locker.

-Nu-uh, I can do it.

-No, I will.

Carl, take in your brand-new locker.

I gave you every movie in the world, plus I designed the couch.

Basically all the awesome parts are mine.

That part was mine.

-This is different.

-You can come to meditate, vegetate or salivate.

-Salivate?

-Bam!

-Tres awesome, dude. My very own Carl Cave.

-Very reasonable rent.

-Wait...what?

-Kidding.

THEY YELP

-Denise took off.

-She didn't, we're in a completely different world.

-Your words match your mouth.

-You're wearing pyjamas.

These aren't pyjamas - it's a Ninja outfit.

It's like 14th-century China.

-A kung fu movie.

-Yeah. A badly dubbed one.

OK, - you guys have been in there long enough.

Hello!

Guys?

Are you hiding in the fridge, or something?

Aren't you two a little old to be playing hide and seek?

It's just weird. Actually, checking in a mini fridge

to see if there are two grown people hiding in it is weird.

Everything is moving in reverse. I'm in backwards world.

Holy harpsichords! This is bad.

When an AIT's magic messes up, it's bad.

When two AIT's magic messes up, it's worse, way worse.

Denise and I both used angel magic at exactly the same time.

We turned Carl's locker into a doorway

leading into different worlds.

And because an AIT can't undo another AIT's magic,

Porter and I have to undo our own bad magic at the same time.

And the only way we can do that is if we can find each other.

And since there are a billion worlds out there,

-the odds of us running into each other?

-Not good.

-Not good.

Everyone line up for morning exercises!

-But we are already lined up.

-Today we practise our kung fu skills.

Jane, you are first.

You must break through this...

toilet paper.

Not so fast!

First it must be spritzed with water.

Hee-agh!

Victory!

Brittany, you must break this silence!

-What silence?

-Victory!

Serge, you must defeat this coconut cream pie!

Victory!

Sweet victory!

-Carl, Porter, you must...

-Sure, whatever you want.

-You must break these bricks.

-Bricks. Porter, I think it's time to leave.

-Magic us out of here.

-You got it.

Oh! That didn't work. I better summon the angel textbook.

My angel magic isn't working here.

The bricks await your fists.

Isn't there a bowl of pudding

or a marshmallow that needs a beat-down?

The marshmallows are for after you break the bricks.

They have been broken!

Victory!

-Testing, testing, testing, one, two...

-Wow-wow-wow-wow.

-Yep, our voices are in sync.

-That was weird.

But I'm sure when we exit this time, we'll be back in our world.

-I'm not going to hold my breath.

-Maybe you should.

-What if it's a water world?

-Wouldn't we have gills?

Or blowholes. Either way, do you want to take that chance?

OK, where are we now?

Black and white world?

-Looks like we're in a mystery world.

-Look, we're private eyes.

Maybe it's some kind of detective world.

-Cool. We should stay.

-Really? You've seen these movies.

-How does it work out for the detective?

-Point taken.

Pirate world? Come on!

Avast, ye scurvy dog!

Hey, I'm not looking for any trouble.

Too late! You found it. You found two whole bushels of it.

-That's not how you measure trouble.

-We'll measure it any way we want!

Ow! Avast! Let me know when you're going to drop this.

Zip it! Or I'll give you two quarts of trouble, you hear me?

We Terendale pirates don't take kindly

to you Bennett pirates trying to steal our treasure!

Bring it.

What? There's a padlock on my locker!

-How did that get on there?

-It's a mystery.

-The lock must be part of this world.

-And here's another mystery.

How do we get out of here?

How will we get out of detective world?

You sure this is detective world?

'My partner's sceptical streak was a mile wide.

'The guy had more questions than a book of riddles.'

Well, I have my own narrator, so yeah, I'm pretty sure.

'Technically it's called film noir.'

When you're done talking to him, can we find the key?

'The case of the missing locker key started with a knock on the door.'

-It did?

-KNOCK ON DOOR

Morning, boss. Morning, boss.

Er, hello, er, employee Jane.

I got a message for ya.

..What's the message?

I can't remember.

That's why I tied the string around my finger - to remind me.

-Of what?

-I don't know.

Oh! I remember! To remind me to look on my other hand.

And I tied this string around my finger

to remind me to go to the window.

And I drew that arrow to remind me to look in my message box.

Oh! And lo and behold, if it isn't a message. Now I remember!

Big Serge wants to meet you guys at his joint.

-Lucky Lounge?

-What's a tough dog like that want with you two PI's?

-There's only one way to find out.

-Phone him and ask?

-Two ways to find out.

-Ask a street contact what he's up to?

Three ways to find out.

Hire a fortune-teller and...

-OK! Are you done?

-I got a few more!

-We should go down there and talk to Big Serge in person.

-Gotcha.

Be careful. SHE BLOWS KISSES

Now, what's this string on my pinkie for?

THEY GRUNT AND GROAN

DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

-Yah!

-SHE SIGHS

PEACEFUL ACCORDION INTERLUDE

Huargh!

DRAMATIC MUSIC RESUMES

Yaaargh!

SHE LAUGHS

Aaaaargh!

Haaar! Raah!

Really? Aargh!

-Ahhh!

-Scurvy!

Shiver me timbers! You managed to steal the Terendale treasure.

The scallywags from Terendale High are our most bitter rivals.

Let's head back to the ship and divide up the booty!

ALL LAUGH

Ahh! Ha-haaar!

Red queen, looking for a red queen. It's here, now it's there.

It's here, it's over here. It's over here. Where is it at?

Ahhh! Lady Luck is frowning upon you today. Pay up.

'It was the first time I'd ever seen someone play Three-Card Monte

'with one card.

-'This guy was good.'

-Put this in the vault.

Let's just keep this act up till we get out of here.

-Catch my drift?

-I'm all over it, like a stamp on an envelope.

Like a tongue on a frozen metal pole. Like a man who...

-Yeah, I get it.

-All right.

Ah, gentlemen! Give me a moment to make myself more, er, presentable.

Welcome to The Lucky Lounge! Anything I can get you two gents?

Yeah, how about a reason for why you wanted us down here.

Direct, straight to the point. I like your moxie.

Now, I got a case for yous twos.

I need yous to find my girl, Brittany.

Brittany is your girlfriend?

More than just a mere girlfriend. She's the love of my life.

But I spent too much time at the club and she skipped out on me.

Sorry to hear that, but we're just trying to get my lock off my locker.

I have an associate who's a master lock-picker.

I'd be happy to offer you his services,

IF you can find Brittany for me.

Do we have a deal?

'This guy was slippier than a bar of soap in a bucket of bacon grease,

'but he was the only road in a town full of dead-ends.'

-You got a deal.

-Ha!

I hope you know what you're getting us into.

Before we set sail, we divvy up the treasure.

An equal share for all.

I want the pretty baubles.

I want the golden trophy.

I want the wooden chest.

BOTH: Huh?

It's hand-crafted, and look at those joints -

not a single nail.

First, for stealing the treasure...

Thanks!

Yar, come with us, lass.

Join us. We'll sail the seas, plundering and pillaging.

I'd love to, but I can't. I'm leaving now.

You DO realise your boat is in the middle of a parking lot?

Oh, yeah, we do. We're pavement pirates!

ALL: Yaaar!

Occasionally we'll go up on a sidewalk.

Last week we cut across someone's yard.

ALL: Yaaaar!

The ship's sailing, Denise. This is your last chance.

I'm good.

Well, then, may all the traffic lights be in your favour

and nary a cul-de-sac darken your path.

Heave!

-Heave!

-Tally-ho!

-Heave!

Heave!

Now, I got me a locker to find!

'Porter and I decided to split up and cover more ground.

'I took the eastside

'and sent Porter pounding the pavement on the westside.

'And it was lucky I did.

'Awooga!'

Woah! Brittany.

-Do I know you?

-You know Big Serge.

Don't you toss that dirty lug's name into my clean ears.

He sent me to find you.

Congratulations, you've found me.

Now, amscray. That's French for vamoose.

Vamoose is Spanish for get lost. And get lost is Irish for...

I get it. He wanted me to tell you that he, er, he misses you.

Well, tough cheese.

I'm taking the number 7 bus back to Poughkeepsie

and I'm getting me a fresh start.

-He wants you back.

-Yeah, sure(!) What kind of sap do you take me for?

It's true.

So I suppose he finally wrote me that love poem he always promised?

Uh...yeah. Sure he did.

Uh, it's...beautiful. Very romantic-like.

The one with the little bunnies and the chocolates.

Uh...actually, he wrote you a new one, a better one.

Yeah, sure. Let's hear it.

-What?

-'This oughta be good!'

I said, let's hear it.

Oh, all right, yeah. Uh...

It went like this. Er...

Your hair's like a summer's day...

Uh... When you comb it, my blues go away

W-When you're not around

I, uh...I...I cries

Tears shoot like rainbows from my eyes.

I like it so far. How does it end?

Are you going to do that little dance he always said he'd do?

'He is now! A-one, and a-two, and a...'

Ever since we've been apart

I miss my Queen of Hearts

Please come back to me, Brittany

I miss you, dum-de-dum dee-dee!

Oh!

Oh, I always did say Big Serge could have made a professional poet.

Yeah. Yeah, he's got a real gift.

So...so you'll come with me?

Of course. I really did miss that big lug.

HE EXHALES

Brittany!

-Kitten-whiskers!

-Oh!

Mm-hm-mm-mm!

Um, you gentlemen did not just hear her

use that term of endearment, you understand?!

-Cat's got my tongue.

-So, I hear you gentlemen need a lock-picker.

It's time for me to uphold my end of the bargain.

Porter, looks like we're finally getting out of this world.

SHRILL WHISTLE All right, this is a raid.

Nobody move. You're all going to jail.

I said, nobody move! Is that so hard to understand?

Wait, why is it dark? It's the middle of the day.

It's always dark in mystery movies, and you're usually by the docks.

FOGHORN BLARES

See? And that's followed by a searchlight.

-All right, smart guy, what happens now?

-Usually, this.

SIREN WAILS You're under arrest!

All right, you palookas.

No-one's going anywhere until I get some answers.

Now, I'm sure you've heard of good cop, bad cop.

Well, I play bad cop, bad cop.

-I also play the accordion, but that has no bearing here.

-I don't know.

I could go for a polka right about now.

All right, clam up, wise guys.

Unless you're giving me some answers, and then you can speak freely.

All right!

Meet...Johnny Fat Fists.

HE CHUCKLES

BOTH: Denise!

Where's Johnny Fat Fists?

Old Fat Fists got called away

to a big case on the other side of town.

Gimme your handcuffs.

I don't want them squirming while I have a little talk.

HE CHUCKLES

A little talk!

I'll take these two chuckle-heads with me.

You do that. You teach these boys a lesson.

HE CHUCKLES

Hey!

Hey, come back, you two! I've been duped!

-Good job, Denise.

-I'm pretty awesome.

-What took you so long?

And you're pretty annoying! I got a little held up.

I went through 15 worlds looking for you.

There was pirate world, backwards world, cowboy world, water world...

-Water world?

-Gills or blowholes?

-Blowholes.

-Five bucks!

-Don't hold your breath.

Do you know how to get into the locker?

BOTH: Do we?!

No, we don't.

Uh-oh.

Now that Denise and I are together,

the door to the worlds is closing down.

-How will we get into the locker?

-Big Serge said he'd help.

I hope we have time to get to The Lucky Lounge.

All you'd find there is a card game and a delicious menu.

I recommend the veal scaloppini.

Oh, that's my girl!

Big Serge is a man of his word. Few words, but still...

-Where's the lock-picker?

-Right behind you.

-Woah!

-That's a Steel Crip 2000. No-one can pick that lock.

I'm going to give you a tip.

Dolby's going to walk around that corner in about 30 seconds.

-You're welcome.

-Hm!

Denise, we need a distraction.

My angel magic hasn't been working since we magicked Carl's locker.

DOLBY: There you are!

Wait! I have an idea.

Arrr, I had to fight me a dozen pirates

and a one-wing-ed parrot for this here booty.

Here's some coppers, copper!

Free money!

Get out of it! All right, there's nothing to see here.

Move out of my way!

You said nobody could pick this lock.

-But I ain't a nobody.

-Would you get off of me?!

What, you've never seen gold bullion before?

Way to go, Alex!

See ya, copper!

Duped again!

Ha! Man, that was close.

The portal to our world is open. Let's get out of here.

Wait, how do we know it's our world?

If it's flesh-eating zombie world, I am not going to be happy.

-Flesh-eating what?!

-Let's go!

-Door's gone.

-Yeah, no kidding(!) But the wall's closing in.

-Yup.

-If the door's gone, the locker will be gone soon.

And we'll be pancakes! Porter, do something!

-Me?! This is your fault. You magicked the locker.

-YOU did!

What don't you guys get?! You both magicked the locker.

Wait, if we both magicked the locker...

Then maybe we can both un-magic it.

Our combined magic created the problem, which means...

Just put it in a postcard!

-Woah, that was close!

-Wait, are we even in our world?

Carl, I have had a great idea for a new headline.

"Homework - it's like schoolwork, but at home"!

Carl, whatevs! People are texting here.

Heads up, Montclaire!

Ha-ho! Nice toss!

Carl, one of my hands has swollen up bigger than the other.

-That one.

-Thanks!

We're definitely back in our world!

Everything seems to be back to normal. Same old, same old.

Isn't this the boring world you wanted to escape from?

And guess what - I've never been so happy to be bored.

-Glad to hear it.

-Welcome home!

'What Carl said that day made a lot of sense

'but he didn't realise it until many years later.'

Close enough.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

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