All Out War! Part One Wizards vs Aliens

Father, we have visitors.

A ship has arrived, from Nekron itself.

A state-ship belonging to Chancellor Kooth.

She requests permission to board.

Permission granted.

Greetings, Your Majesty. Your exquisite excellencies.

Oh, wondrous King of Nekron,

I am not fit to stand in the shadow of your smallest carbuncle.

This is true. But tell me, what brings you so far from home?

I beg forgiveness, sir.

But I have come to bring you a message,

from the people of Nekron.

My beloved citizens! Do they miss me? Do they pine for me?

Do they yearn for the smell of my briny belches?

LOUD BELCHING AND GULPING

Not exactly, sir.

Then, what?

They think you're a joke.

HE GASPS

Whaaaaatttt??!!

SHOUTING ECHOES RUMBLING AND BREAKING GLASS

HE PANTS AND GASPS

Oh, but they laugh at you, sir. They are wild with hilarity.

They hoot and roar and giggle and froth, because of him.

Every time, he escapes you. And every time, Nekron sees you fail.

Where did they get this footage?

Someone must have leaked it, sir. Some...awful traitor!

And then, every single time, your children fail to capture him,

like...what is the word? Idiots?

How dare you!

I merely report what is said on Nekron - in between the laughter.

What is to be done, sweet Lady Kooth?

How may I redeem myself?

Aaah...

Ah...

If I might suggest, Your Majesty...

..the Contest of Devourment?

The Contest of Devourment?

But you can't!

Father, please. You cannot.

Yes! Oh, yes! The contest, with the whole of Nekron watching!

Father, I beg you, don't do this.

The Prince and Princess will stand before me, immediately!

Chancellor, declare the rules.

You will both enter the contest, as rivals.

Your task is to find the Clarke wizard, once and for all,

and bring him to the King.

The one who delivers him will be allowed to live.

But the other...

Will be eaten alive

by me!

Do you submit?

According to the ancient laws of ritual, we have no choice.

Then let the contest...begin!

THUNDER CLAPS

It's a rough old night, out there.

As my old mum used to say, it puts the wind up your bloomers.

-Night then, Thomas. Good night, Michael.

-Night.

-Blessed be The Source.

-Blessed be The Source.

Night, Mrs Crowe. Blessed be The Tomato Sauce.

HE SIGHS

I beg your pardon?

Now, you're in trouble. That's the wizard equivalent of swearing.

Do not mock, The Source is sacred.

All right, boys, ten more minutes. Big exam tomorrow, first of many.

Yeah, we're revising.

Benny's teaching me Newton's Third Law of Motion.

What is it again?

For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction.

Yeah. That's like you and me. Like, if we're in danger,

I do something magical and you... don't.

Like in school. I say something clever, you don't.

TOM CHUCKLES

KNOCKING ON DOOR

I'll get it .

Careful, Tom. I felt a shiver.

Is this the house of Tom Clarke?

-Who wants to know?

-She has a message for you.

I have found it.

Found what?

The Source. I have found The Source of all Magic.

And I can tell you where it is.

I told my mum you were so worried about the exams, you were crying,

and I had to come over.

Great, I look like a plum(!)

Sorry. Hello. This is a bit weird.

But Tom said you'd found The Source, is that right?

I have to know, what is it? Everyone says, "Blessed be The Source"

-but no-one ever says what it is.

-OK, OK, OK, just dial it down.

Benny Sherwood, Joseph Jacana.

Hi. And these are my daughters, Chipo, and Bisme.

Hi. We came all this way to find you, because of my sister.

Bisme's always been...extraordinary.

I think you'll find both my daughters are extraordinary.

Yeah, thanks, Dad, but as soon as she could talk,

Bisme spoke about visions. Things that kept filling her mind,

day and night. Things which turned out to be true.

She was born with a very special gift. She has The Sight.

You mean psychic powers? Oh, that's brilliant.

I'd just like to point out, The Sight is a very rare thing,

and the magical world is full of fakes.

I'm not letting them into the chamber until I'm happy.

Come on, Gran. She's a kid.

Thank you, Mrs Crowe, but my daughter does not lie.

And the past few months, Bisme keeps saying the same thing,

over and over again. She says she can find The Source of all Magic.

And then she says your name, Tom.

But what is it, what is The Source? What does it look like?

There are a thousand different legends.

Some say The Source is a pillar of fire.

Some say it's a statue made of gold.

Some even say it's a tiny little mouse.

It's a diamond.

Oh. It's not a tiny little mouse?

It's a great big diamond.

Well, fascinating. Now we know.

I liked the little mouse.

The thing is, Bisme, we're stuck in the middle of a war right now.

And maybe The Source could help us win that war.

Can you tell me where it is?

It's a map.

Peru. The Source is in Peru?

There are legends of a lost temple, deep inside the rainforest.

A temple with treasure at its heart.

The Source...

-You're not going to Peru.

-Dad?

-But Mr Clarke?

-No way!

You don't go to Peru with an exam in the morning.

You don't understand, we don't need to go to there.

If we combine all our powers, we can perform a summoning charm.

We can bring the diamond to us, all the way from Peru.

We could be holding The Source of all magic in our hands,

right here...tonight.

I must remind you both, that in order to devise separate

plans of attack, the contestants may not even face each other.

Guards!

MARCHING FOOTSTEPS

You would guard us like criminals?!

I merely state the rules.

Chancellor Kooth for transport.

COMMUNICATOR ACTIVATES

I don't suppose there will be time to say goodbye.

I take it, you expect to win?

Actually...not at all. You were always the clever one.

You're no idiot, Varg.

Oh. Come now, Sister. There have been times.

Remember the Everglades of Sleen?

Ha-ha, you never let me forget. I thought my armour would never dry.

-You still creak.

-I do. I creak.

Just lately, Brother, I ask myself, why do we fight the wizards?

Because we hunger.

Then why do we attack the one thing we need?

Sometimes I wonder, what if our entire civilisation is wrong?

That...would be blasphemy.

Really?

What about him? He was the child of wizards and Nekross.

How can that be wrong?

He was...a shade, a phantom.

Nothing more than a magician's trick.

I think you loved him, too.

I think...

I think you break my heart, Sister.

And I will fight you to the death.

HE GROWLS

Jathro to Control, Jathro to Control...

Jathro, tell me. Have you found the Catromeister Quatrozeen?

It is buried deep inside the mainframe.

If I removed it now, the King would know immediately.

He might look like a wall of fat,

but most of his body is an enormous brain.

He runs the entire empire with his thoughts.

He must be in so much pain.

But I need the Catromeister Quatrozeen.

Without it, our plans will come to nothing.

We are close, observe.

The King is now distracted 81%.

If the contest drives him to 100% distraction,

I can make my move and seize the device.

And then, nothing can stop us.

The royal family will fall and the glory will begin, right here,

in the ruins of a devastated Earth.

Now, concentrate.

A summoning charm across such a great distance will require

every scintilla of magic.

Moon, do you stand ready?

Most solemnly, Mistress, from my magical threshold.

I will be helping with the magic, yes, indeed.

Then, we begin.

ALL: Shan - pas - dah!

THUNDER CLAPS

BEEPING AND CRACKLING

CROCKERY RATTLES

Concentrate!

Aahhhh!

More power!

Come to us, Source of all Magic!

Come home to your wizarding kind!

Please, please, please, please!

Please, please!

TOM GASPS

Can I have that when you've finished?

If you don't mind, I've been waiting for longer than you.

Pass The Source!

I've warned you once.

So true, just feel it! Shivering with magic.

THEY GIGGLE

The Source! Be beholding!

Now, leave me alone, gentlemen.

Communion with The Source must be carried out in private.

-No way.

-I want to see this.

-You're not leaving us out of it.

And communion with The Source must be carried out naked.

-OK.

-See ya.

-Bye.

Moon's going to get mooned.

ALL LAUGH

I now declare the contest begins!

Citizens of Nekron stand watching,

from the Beauviziers of the mountain tops

to the Lowligans of the deep parole, behold!

Both of you will reveal your battle plans, and then the hunt will begin.

First, my son, Varg.

I must announce, to my father, my regret.

To my people, my sorrow. And to my beloved sister...

..goodbye.

Because this contest is over before it even began. Guards!

My plan has been long in the making and I can guarantee

the destruction of Tom Clarke this very night,

with...this.

JINGLING NOISE

'To fool the wizards,'

I took raw magic from the Extractor, and doused one of these diamonds,

giving it a false magical stink.

Then, all I needed were messengers.

Only wizards can see through the shroud. So wizards, I found.

BANG!

GASPING

'I captured the family of a feeble psychic child and made them mine.'

But Varg, this is more than one day's work.

How long have you been planning this?

-The rival contestant may not speak!

-I will allow it.

I delayed this, only because of you.

The more interest you showed in these wizards,

the more I held back, out of pity.

But now the plan is activated.

You should see the Nekross, they're amazing.

Like an octopus had a baby with a pineapple.

ALL CHUCKLE

I stole this off them, it's like a universal gadget thing.

STEADY BEEPING

Why's it making that noise?

Sorry. It must be broken. I must've got it wrong.

I thought I'd configured it to give an alert

whenever there's any Nekross in the area.

BEEPING CONTINUES

BEEPING BECOMES FASTER

VARG: 'The plan dictates they will take the diamond

'into their Chamber.'

The heart of their mystical power.

But technology does not work in that place.

Which is why the device is constructed...

CRACKING

STEADY TICKING

..out of clockwork.

Your device is working perfectly.

They warned us you were clever.

It's a trap! They're Nekross!

We've used up all our spells.

Just as we planned.

Gran...GRAN!

TICKING

Oh, Moon...I'm sorry.

Stop and dar-ma-har!

EXPLOSION

ALERT SOUNDS

The eruption shows us their location.

At last, the wizards are revealed to us. Guards!

Brother, take me with you.

Guards, hold her for devouring!

It's broken.

COUGHING AND SPLUTTERING

Gran.

A preservation charm. I suppose Benny would call it a forcefield.

But, Mistress, all your magic will have been gone.

That was being your fourth spell.

Maybe it blasted a hole in the back of the house.

Come on.

Tom Clarke, behold my wrath!

THUNDER CLAPS

The hour of the Nekross has come!

HE LAUGHS EVILLY

EXPLOSION

This is magnificent warfare.

Behold, Lexi. The elegance, the simplicity,

the beauty of it!

The Catromeister Quatrozeen. Transport, immediately!

HE COUGHS

Perhaps I was kind to you, in the course of our little war.

Perhaps we enjoyed our sport a little too much.

But Tom Clarke has corrupted a princess of Nekron.

And because of that...

..I will show no mercy.

Zarantulus, take us all.

Now, Moon. Find Tom, and Michael.

Tell them...that I love them.

Do not be speaking such things. Randal Moon will not allow it.

A sad farewell to you I'm sending,

because your life, it now is ending.

Shut up! Shut up! Do not say such things! Shut up!

Oh, Moon. No wizard can cast a fourth spell.

It has taken my soul.

MOON SOBS

Now it's time for me to go.

-Oh, but Ursula...

-I saved you,

so you can save those lovely boys.

Now, look.

No, Mistress. Please!

She's come for me.

Mother, it's time to go.

MOON SOBS

-Goodbye, Moon.

-No!

VARG CACKLES

Powering up the Extractor.

HE SNARLS

-Father, I ask one thing.

-Huh?

-One final request before I die.

Name it, Daughter.

Let the wizard go. I will give myself gladly. Just let him go.

No, but tell him why.

I promise, he won't harm you.

-Tell our father why.

-Just send him home.

-Tell him why!

-He is my friend!

Huh...

WHAAAATTT??!!

CLATTERING AND SMASHING

Activating the Catromeister Quatrozeen. Oh, my people.

Let the onslaught begin!

I had the most wonderful time here, but I'm going now...

to have wonderful times again.

Lexi of Nekron, I hereby strip you of all titles and status.

You are no longer my daughter.

And as for Thomas Clarke, extract the magic!

No, don't. Don't!

-VARG CACKLES

-No!

-Tom!

-No!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

FANFARE

Who dares interrupt?

Chancellor Kooth? But why did you leave my side?

As you can see, I have excused myself,

because I have found something far more important.

Nonsense! What could be more important than me?

Revolution!

-What?!

-Uh-oh.

From today, the royal family is no more.

Nekron now has a president. The President Kooth!

Ha, you fool! You would overthrow me with a single ship?

No, you idiot! I would overthrow you with my vast armada.

But that is the military fleet. My father controls those ships.

Not any more, for I have the Catromeister Quatrozeen.

-KING:

-Whaa...?

The what and the what?

It's the key. The key to every slave ship in the fleet.

Apologies, your exquisite imbeciles, but this was my doing.

VARG GRUNTS

Jathro Technician 15?

My name is Jathro Pel Stannic Paha Paha Hop...

Kooth.

My beloved son!

My president. My mother.

This is blasphemy! A whiteskin, with a redskin son?

Hey! What's wrong with that?

You are suddenly irrelevant, boy. The Skorpulus awaits!

I have bigger enemies to fight.

FEROCIOUS SNARLING

-Leave him alone. Benny!

-Tom!

You deserved a better farewell.

-Agh, no! Agh!

-No, Benny!

Aaaaarggh!

No, no, no!

SNARLING GETTING CLOSER

Oh, boy.

-Do you surrender?

-Varg, I promise.

Get Benny out of there and I'll use my magic to help you.

Your magic is mine...

-..right now!

-No!

-Let him go! Varg, let him go!

Thus suffer all my enemies. And now for you, traitor!

Oh, that's fighting talk!

Military fleet, take aim.

I have magnificent plans for the planet below.

Once you fall, so falls the Earth.

Not while I'm still alive, Nekross.

Goodbye, royalty.

-Do you hear me?

-Goodbye, wizards.

-I'll stop you.

-Military fleet...

..open fire!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd