Vice Versa Part One Wizards vs Aliens

According to the Network of Mirrors,

there's something here that shouldn't be.

And it's our job to send it back to the Neverside before

it causes any mischief, or attracts the attention of you know who.

Somebody, or something, is home.

Let's go and find out what.

CRAZED LAUGHTER

-This is like walking into Great Expectations.

-(Quiet, Benny.)

Moon said there's Neverside magic here

and we've got no idea what it is.

-It could be all sorts of nightmare stuff.

-It's true.

And Moon does have a nose for trouble.

Those ears don't do him any favours, either.

CRAZED LAUGHTER

It's here!

Creature of the Neverside,

show yourself in the name of the magical line of Crowe.

HE LAUGHS

Ooh! You stare and gawp, it's very sad.

Careful or it'll turn out bad.

He's a bit full of himself for a little guy.

Yeah, maybe, but I can feel the magic in him. It's intense.

He certainly is a powerful little fellow.

Even my toes are tingling.

I did not know how much you cared. A welcome party you've prepared.

Creature of the Neverside,

you have strayed beyond the Line of Twilight and I command you, be gone!

Your jibber-jabber makes no sense.

Bum burps would cause me less offence.

He's got a colourful turn of phrase, whatever he is.

I am Squiggley, don't be coy. Now you've met a Hobbledehoy.

A Hobbledehoy! They're really rare...

..and from what I recall, entirely troublesome, too.

Ha-ha!

HE LAUGHS

He seems harmless enough.

All you're saying sounds like tripe.

You'll make some sense or shut your pipe.

-What's with all the limericks?

-Maybe he does it just for kicks!

Oh! At last you tumble just in time.

To talk to Squiggley, you must rhyme.

Oh, I get it.

For him to understand what we say, every sentence has to rhyme.

Speak in rhyme? What, all the time?

Oh, dear. It's so complicated doing a banishment back to the Neverside,

never mind doing it in verse.

HE SNIFFS

You're Unenchanted, so are you,

but wizard blood flows through you two.

Yes, we're wizards, with a task.

Will you go home? I have to ask.

Oh, well done, Tom!

Your verse is clumsy but I hear you don't want poor Squiggley near.

It's not just that, you have to flee. It's dangerous...

..because of me!

Ah!

Leave him alone!

Such a small creature

with such a unique and powerful energy signature

that defies even your wizard shrouding.

Leave it alone, Tom Clarke? You jest.

And now I have a bonus.

Two wizards for the extractor, as well.

Keep your paws off my family!

HE GRUNTS

Please take your fight out of this place.

We won't have that in Squiggley's space!

Open the door! Open up!

And now, the Nekross shall feast.

To point at people's very rude. You risk disturbing Squiggley's mood.

-Go!

-Open up!

-You've got to get yourself out of here!

This Nekross is...!

This Nekross is a thing to fear!

HE LAUGHS

-Remain still. I shall not warn you again.

-Open up!

This oaf does not make me afraid. You all will soon regret this raid.

Wait, we're all on your side.

You must be taught why not to toy with this mighty Hobbledehoy.

What are you doing? Stop!

HE GRUNTS

HE LAUGHS

Tom!

Ursula!

They'll find their lives are greatly changed,

now Squiggley's had them rearranged.

What? What's that supposed to mean? What have you done to them?

HE LAUGHS

-What happened?

-Never mind right now.

Let's get out of here before Varg gets back on his feet.

Oh, my brain...

Squiggley did a vanishing act and good riddance, if you ask me.

If there's one thing we can do without, it's a rapping goblin.

One thing I can't do without is breakfast.

No-one should do Hobbledehoys and Nekross on an empty stomach.

I could eat a horse, just like that.

HORSE NEIGHS

Benny...?

You've got magic.

I don't get it. How can I have Magic?

I've no idea, Benny dear.

I've never heard of such a thing.

An Unenchanted suddenly having magic?

Whatever next? This is something to do with that wretched Hobbledehoy.

I knew I should have blasted him the moment I laid eyes on him.

Steady on, Ursula. I didn't think wizards blasted anything.

Don't they?

I'm off to the chamber.

I need to talk to Moon.

I'm coming, too. I want to hear what he says.

Sorry, Benny, but until I know what's happened to you,

I don't want any strange magic in the chamber.

Don't worry, mate. It'll be all right.

Course I'll be all right. I'm Benny Sherwood and I've got magic.

Benny, no!

Oh, no!

Sorry!

Benny, as one Unenchanted to another, lay off the Magic.

-Sorry, Mr Clarke, but let me just fix it.

-No, Benny!

You don't know anything about magic.

You can't just click your fingers and hope for the best.

It's all right, Tom. I've got it now. It's all about concentration

-and I'm a genius, remember? Don't be such a chicken.

-No!

CHICKEN SQUAWKS

Yeah, genius(!)

You have to train, Benny. You have to focus.

You can't spell-cast just like that. That's why wizards use words.

There's something wrong.

I can't get into the chamber.

I've tried three times, but...nothing.

I don't understand it. I've been knocking on the chamber door

since I was seven years old and it's never refused me. Never.

Let me have a go.

Chamber of Crowe, open to me.

Reveal yourself on the knock of three.

This isn't good, is it?

You try.

What? Me? But...

Chamber of Crowe, open to me.

Reveal yourself on the knock of three.

Spectacular.

Hanging bats and banshee chats, something will be amiss.

Mistress...your magic!

The magic of the line of Crowe! And the young master, too!

Your magic, the magic of Crowe will have gone!

My magic? I can't just lose my magic.

Kabradah!

Kabradah!

It's true.

There's nothing there, I can feel it.

I felt it since we left the castle but I didn't...

but I didn't know what it was.

And mine's gone, too.

It's all gone into me?

No...

..not all.

Randal Moon will be feeling the magic in you, imp,

but it will be the young master's only, not of the Mistress Crowe.

Then what's happened to mine?

Nothing. Well, thank goodness for that, anyway.

Well, then, the only other person that was there...

Varg.

Oh, dear.

This creature stunned you with its magic, enabling it to escape?

Forgive the shame I bring on you, oh Might of Nekron,

yet this Hobbledehoy was extremely powerful...

for a little fellow.

Indeed, you do not seem quite yourself, my brother.

Perhaps this "little fellow" has hurt you more than you would admit.

The scent of magic still clings to you.

I am perfectly fit for duty, sister,

and more than capable of capturing this creature

and extracting its magic.

Then the Nekross shall feast!

Good. The magic that clings to you makes me hunger, my son.

Makes me ravenous.

Indeed. It is...intoxicating.

Then allow me to take my leave, father...

..and attempt to re-acquire a sensor-lock on the Hobbledehoy,

so that you may feed.

Yes, my son. Be gone and bring me its magic!

As the King commands, so it is done.

And, Varg, if I were you, I would bathe, as well.

That scent of magic is so pungent.

I would hate to lose control and eat you.

SHE LAUGHS

That is...just amazing.

I'm glad you can feel it.

You asked what it was like to get three new spells...

and now you know.

It's like...

like every cell of my body was on fire, but in a good way!

I reckon it's the solar energy

that triggers some sort of bio-cellular reaction.

Come again?

It's like humans make 90% of the Vitamin D

we need directly from Ultraviolet B exposure from the sun.

Hang on, do you know what you're saying? That's me.

That's Benny Sherwood talking, not Tom Clarke.

You're right. You haven't just got my magic, I've got your smarts.

It's like your dad said - we've been rearranged.

You know, this can be kind of cool.

I mean, I've always wondered what it would be like to be a brainiac,

just like you've wondered about magic.

It's kind of an experiment...

..and I can't believe how cool I think that sounds.

As long as your gran can find a way to switch us back again in the end.

But hang on, if we've swapped what makes us us,

that means Varg's swapped with...

Your gran.

I don't keep you in bread and milk for the fun of it.

You're supposed to give me answers when I need them.

Ursula, just leave him alone.

HE STRAINS

I don't know what came over me.

I'm really not feeling myself - not at all. Oh, dear.

It's Varg, gran.

The Hobbledehoy switched your essence for Varg's.

-COMPUTER:

-Invalid command.

What? Ridiculous.

Invalid command. Please identify by voiceprint command.

It's me, you silly whatsit, Varg!

Identification confirmed. Varg, Prince of Nekron...

-"Whatsit" does not compute.

-What?

"Whatsit" does not compute.

I heard you! Of course it does not compute, it is gibberish.

-Affirmative.

-What's wrong with me?

Ever since I returned from Earth,

it has been like thinking through fudge cake...

..and I do not even know what fudge cake is.

Get a grip, Varg.

Sensor control, commence a total Earth scan for the...

What's the blessed word?

It's on the tip of my tongue. It's... It's...

CHICKEN SQUAWKS

What is this?

Some attack by the wizards?

HE SNIFFS

Sensors have isolated source of magic - Varg, Prince of Nekross.

Impossible! I am Nekross, not...

The Hobbledehoy, this is its doing.

And my sister has already sensed the magic in me.

The Hobbledehoy. You must locate the Hobbledehoy again.

-Affirmative.

-It must reverse this enchantment

or the Nekross will feast...on me.

CHICKEN SQUAWKS

Mistress, mistress, there will be something in the dusty tomes.

The book will be saying,

only a Hobbledehoy will be undoing its own magical mischief.

Then we need to summon it back. The stratagem is obvious!

Yes, Mistress. Randal Moon will be a-searching

-the Library of Crowe for a summoning potion.

-Come on, hop to it!

Meanwhile, me and Benny have a date with a chemistry exam.

Are you serious? You're talking about going to school after all this?

Yeah.

Oh, of course you are. I forgot, you're me.

Varg, how does the scan for the Hobbledehoy Magic progress?

The...scan is in process.

Now, I must...be on my way.

Toodle-oo!

I beg your pardon, brother.

I mean, I... I must dash.

SHE SNIFFS

Computer, perhaps you can tell me what my brother has been up to.

CHICKEN SQUAWKS

Five minutes, everyone!

SHOUTING OUTSIDE

WHISTLE BLOWS

BELL RINGS

I hardly even had to think.

I just saw the question and the answer was just there, like that.

Like magic.

Yeah, like magic.

It's cool to be smart, isn't it?

Whereas every time I looked at a chemical equation,

-all I saw was a different footie formation.

-Stupid machine.

These are actually pretty clever robots. Simple, but clever.

They use electromagnetic fields to recognise the coins you put in.

You sound like Benny.

COMPUTER BEEPS

CHILDREN SHOUT EXCITEDLY

I think this one is yours.

-Thank you, Benny. That was quite a catch.

-So are you.

We've got to go. Come on, Benny!

Catch you later, Katie.

What was all that about? Using magic?

And Katie?

I don't know. It's sort of fun being you, isn't it?

And anyway, Katie dumped you.

Thanks for reminding me...

and that was not being me.

I am not that cheesy.

Tell me, is there news of the scan for the Hobbledehoy, my dear?

My what? My who?

I'm sorry my exquisite excellency, did you just call me my dear?

I said, Technician Jathro 15 of Subsection Alpha Grex Nine,

darling boy.

Please take no offence

at my brother's lapse in etiquette, technician.

Since he was attacked by the Hobbledehoy creature,

I fear he has not quite been himself.

Nonsense. I am perfectly well. Entirely tickety-boo.

I perceive you have been so busy,

you have still not found the time to rid yourself of its magical musk.

There is much to be done in the name of our father.

This magical residue that clings to you so strongly reminds me

of the story of Prince Vathallion.

Such a tragic tale.

I have no memory or time for the wet-nurse tales

of the royal hatcheries.

Prince Vathallion was a great warrior of ancient Nekron,

Technician Jathro,

who was bewitched by an alien wizard of enormous power.

I see...

In what way, my excellency?

He was cursed...with magic.

Powerful magic.

And magic in the blood of a Nekross is the most potent,

most intoxicating magic in all the universe.

And Prince Vathallion's own sisters fell upon him

in a frenzy of feeding that did not end

until they had sucked the very last magic from his broken bones.

Imagine that, Varg, to be consumed by your own sister.

I have no time for bedtime stories.

There is work to be done.

Dad'll be picking us up in ten minutes' time.

Then, with a bit of luck,

we'll get everything the right way round for this afternoon.

Yeah, I suppose. But won't you miss being smart?

Not as much as I miss magic.

A wizard is what I am, Benny.

Being a genius is what you are.

Though...I have to admit,

I never thought being a geek would feel so...cool.

Wahey!

Sorry, Benny. I thought I heard you calling for the ball.

It's OK, Quinn. I thought I heard you crying for your bottle.

Whoa!

Whoa! Benny bites back.

Like I'm done yet.

LAUGHTER

(That's another spell you've wasted!)

Not as far as I'm concerned.

What the heck?!

Tom, on your head!

What?

Look at Benny's skills!

Have you been coaching him or what?

So who wants a game, then?

What's got into Benny today?

I dunno. Guess it must be that old Tom Clarke magic rubbing off on him.

Are we OK?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Idiot, come on.

I'm just glad the chemistry exam is out of the way.

I mean, why do hydrocarbons with small molecules make better fuels

than hydrocarbons with big molecules? What's that all about?

Smaller molecules have a low boiling point. They flow quickly.

They're more volatile and ignite easily.

SHE LAUGHS

Wow! You and Benny really have been spending a lot of time together!

I suppose so.

We've got a physics exam next week.

We could revise together...

if you like.

Yes, I'd like.

Cool.

What's got into you, Benzoid? You never said you could play.

Don't have to tell you everything...Quinnster.

There's a five-a-side game tonight, if you're up for it.

Yeah, I'll see if I can fit you in.

That was amazing! I mean, Quinn's asked me to play.

-Me! I'm popular!

-Yeah, and I even got a study date with Katie.

But now I guess it's time to put things straight again.

Get a move on! I've got business to finish with that Hobbledehoy!

Have you seen my brother, Technician?

Not since you told your entertaining story earlier, exquisite excellency.

Is all well?

It will be, soon, but first we must capture the Hobbledehoy.

I have installed a teleport relay system into the extractor.

The instant our scanners lock on to it again,

you will beam it there directly.

These are the creature's last co-ordinates.

The hobgoblin assures me this chemical preparation will

assist in summoning it back to this dimension.

So...what happens now?

-Read this, then strike the staff on the floor.

-Me?

I don't see any other wizards, do you?

Go on, Benny.

You can do it.

Hear my summons and do not hide,

he who lives on the Neverside.

Do my bidding and come to me, the Hobbledehoy called Squiggley!

Huh? Ah!

It worked! Spectacular!

Who so dares to summon Squiggley? Be prepared to suffer quickly.

All we ask is that you reverse

this changing, swapping, crazy curse.

-If you think that curse is bad, you ain't seen nothing yet, my lad!

-No!

Huh? Argh!

The Nekross have got him.

Now we're really in trouble.

Release me now or feel my rage. A Hobbledehoy you do not cage.

Rage all you like, Hobbledehoy!

You are trapped, held powerless by the extractor's magical dampers.

To think my brother's fate is sealed by nothing more than

a head on two feet.

I have much I should thank you for, Hobbledehoy.

I cannot understand your speech, but pity Squiggley, I beseech!

Of course.

My research revealed the rhyming nature of your communication.

These words for you are but tragic.

Now we will extract the magic!

HE SCREAMS

Sister! No! Stop the extraction!

Oh, sorry Varg. Perhaps I should have given you a heads-up.

Lexi, what have you done?

What is that?

It's Squiggley. The Nekross have extracted his magic.

-That's all that's left of him?

-Yeah.

And with no Hobbledehoy to reverse its spell,

that means we are stuck like this...

..forever!

I would throw her to the Skorpulus, like that!

CHICKEN SQUAWKS

What is this obsession with chickens?

You don't know anything about magic.

You're a sad Unenchanted who had to steal my life to get a life!

Shut up!

Oh, brother Varg, brother Varg, please let me in!

Not by the scales of my Nekross skin!

Then we shall power up our weapons and blow your door in.

Benny...your nose is bleeding

Yeah? Like you care!

A nosebleed?

-Is Benny in danger?

-The boy is toast.

Unless the spell will have been turned about before the sun slips,

this enchantment will never be undone,

and Benny will be doomed.

Subtitles By Red Bee Media Ltd