Episode 1 Worst Year of My Life... Again

# I'm amazed at the things that you say

# I'd heard it all before, just another day

# January, February, all the same

# March, April, May's coming back again

# Oh, why

# Cos it's the worst year of my life again

# It's looped around and pulled me back in now

# Yesterday has come again

# Oh, no

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# The worst year of my life again. #

ALARM CLOCK BUZZES

CAR CRASH

Why can't you just look where you're going?

Gah!

A quick shout out to 14-year-old Alex King.

It's his birthday. That's me.

Doo! Doo! Doo! Doo!

Dammit!

Happy birthday, Alex!

Don't say I never give you anything.

Isn't this the one that Auntie Ethel

gave you for Christmas that you hated?

No. Shut up! No.

And this one is from me and Dad.

Crystals and Skulls.

Special edition. That's the one you've been asking for.

Yeah, yeah. When I was younger.

Hmm?

Ah, thanks Mum. Dad.

KNOCK ON DOOR

That'll be Simon.

Now straight out of school after final bell, Alex.

-We might have a little surprise for you.

-Aw...

Hey!

Wore it out. Happy birthday, mate.

-Thanks. Listen, I can come to yours after school, yeah?

-If you want. Why?

Oh, Mum reckons she has this surprise for me.

Be the same as every birthday.

A trip to Kingdom of the Burger. It's embarrassing, mate.

-I'm 14 now.

-Oh, yes, but you act 12. Anyway, Kingdom of the Burger.

Isn't that that naff place where

they dress up in the ye olde costumes?

Are they costumes? I thought it's what English people wore.

Funny! I should make you go just for that.

They might crown you Birthday Prince.

Royal burger and fries, Your Highness?

Shut up.

Are you wearing perfume?

No!

Ah, Simon, now I've hit the big one four,

everything's going to change.

I'm going to make this year

totally amazing. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to put my name down for the life-saving club.

-Hey!

-Look out, boys.

And I'm going to sign up for the school play

and win the soccer championships.

CAR HORN BEEPS

Watch it, fruit loop!

You know what, Si?

This year is going to be the best year ever, starting now.

Ooh, sorry, mate.

OK, starting now.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Seriously, who decides to have a birthday on the first day of term?

It wasn't exactly my choice, Si.

I'm footy captain, that's the main thing.

But I've got to choose a squad, so that's basically coaching.

Who'd be dumb enough to kick that at your head?

Oi, King! Kick it back!

Parker and Howe. Um, don't do a girlie kick, mate,

otherwise you'll be called a lame-o-zoid

for the rest of the year.

-And quite frankly...

-King!

-..I can't be seen with a lame-o-zoid.

Oh! My timetables!

Mr Norris!

Oi, Mr Norris, kick us our ball back, will ya?

You two! Detention, this afternoon.

It wasn't us! It was King!

And this is another item for my contraband cupboard.

McPherson, pick them up! Hurry up.

Office.

When I find you, King, you're toast!

King!

You're toast!

Happy birthday, Alex. I got you a card.

Maddy, why are you hiding too?

I don't know. I thought it was some kind of game we were playing.

-What are the rules?

-The rules are, we try not to get beaten up.

Well?

All clear.

No, open the card, open the card!

Shh! Don't let anybody know it's my birthday.

The birthday prince doesn't want any fuss, do you, Your Majesty?

You know what Parker and Howe are like.

They will use any excuse to embarrass and humiliate me.

But a birthday's a happy occasion.

Not with Parker and Howe around.

Remember what happened on Toby McPherson's twelfth?

-Put his trousers up on the flagpole.

-While he was still in them.

But, but that's not going to be me.

I'm going to be on my guard all day.

Going to keep my eyes peeled. I'm not going to let anything...

Argh!

-Way to stay on your guard, mate.

-Gah!

Now you can open it.

I'll watch.

"Congratulations on your promotion."

I know it's not a birthday card,

but I had to get it when I saw the little man on the cover.

-He reminded me so much of you.

-Is it because my name's King?

No, I think it was the eyebrows.

-Yeah!

-Read the inside!

You know how I said this was going to be my year?

I'm going to start it off by asking out Nicola Grey.

You're going to ask out the most popular girl in school?

In front of us? That'll be really funny. Go on, do it.

Do it. Do it.

-Guess who I saw?

-Who?

-Miriam!

That's it? Pathetic!

Well, what was I meant to do, Si?

Well, I don't know. Get her attention.

No point announcing yourself with a big fanfare. Girls hate that.

Isn't that right, Maddy?

BIRTHDAY CARD PLAYS A TUNE

King!

Nice.

Maybe you should just get their ball back, Alex.

Oh, and if you find it, can you get mine back too?

It's the one with the multicoloured bat on it.

I keep telling you, it's a butterfly.

It is not. Why would a ball have a butterfly on it? That's just stupid.

Tell them I went that way.

He went that way.

Yeah, right. I think we'll try this way.

Ah, guys, I told you that he went that way,

so why aren't you chasing after him?

Because you're a cowardly, snivelling little liar, Birch.

-He makes a good point.

-Oh, shut up!

I'm not that little.

Tell him we'll get him later. He's toast.

"Help, I'm stuck in a moving cupboard."

Oh.

Here, sir?

No, we'll have to sort it out later. Clear out, McPherson.

I've got a day to sort out a whole year's worth of timetables.

Out, out, out, out, out, out!

Don't...move...

Norris...outside.

Put a smiley face.

PHONE CHIMES

"What do you mean, florist outside?" Oh, predictive text.

What are you two doing hanging around out here?

Phones on silent on school property.

Ah, yes, of course.

Phones on silent!

Phones on silent!

Strange kid.

Back's...turned...

come...out...now.

Oh!

Gah!

BIRTHDAY CARD PLAYS A TUNE

King?

Er...I can explain.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Well, at least you managed to avoid Parker all day.

Because I had to spend every break making timetables with Norris.

Alex, why'd you get in the bottom half of the cupboard?

Because the top half of the cupboard was filled with balls and stuff.

Oh, did you see my multicoloured bat one?

-Oh, no!

-I'm so excited!

Birthday burger surprise.

This is seriously the worst birthday ever.

Birthday?

So that's why you thought you could mess with me!

Reckon you're king for the day, do you?

Birthday Prince, actually.

You're not helping.

Right then, Your Highness!

Everyone!

Come here, it's King's birthday

and he's insisted on a proper royal celebration.

Five...six...

seven...eight!

That's not really how royals celebrate their birthdays, is it?

How should I know? Just cos I'm English.

Oh, you're English?

13, 14!

Happy birthday, King.

Ah!

You all right?

I was just about to step in and save you, wasn't I, Maddy?

If it wasn't for this stupid, yet painful, cramp.

Alex, it's not fixed!

Oh!

Wait! It's not what you think!

It's just water!

Cheer up, Alex. It's been a bad day.

But I still think this could be your year.

Yeah.

Yeah! You're right, it can only get better, right?

The whole year. How bad can it be?

Oh!

Sorry.

Never mind, Alex. The big one five tomorrow.

I've got a feeling next year is definitely going to be your year.

Could hardly be any worse, could it? Ow!

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

'That was the worst year of my life.'

ALARM CLOCK BUZZES

CAR CRASHES

What are you doing?

I mean, seriously!

They never learn.

Ah!

We're back again, with 15-year-old Alex King. Happy birthday.

Doo! Doo! Doo!

That is weird.

Seriously, Sam? You got me this last year.

How could I have done? I only got it myself for Chris... No, I didn't.

Shut up.

And this one is from me and Dad.

And what's this, then?

The Crystals and Skulls game, special edition?

Alex King, have you been poking around in my presents cupboard?

It was a lucky guess.

KNOCK ON DOOR Thanks, Mum, Dad. That'd be Simon.

Now straight out after final bell, Alex.

We might have a little surprise for you.

Hey!

Stupid thing. Wore it out.

Happy birthday, mate.

Si, you ever heard of deja vu?

Of course I have. Great band.

Hey, Si - is it all right if I come to your house after school?

Yeah, whatever you say, Your Majesty. Birthday Prince.

Yeah, all right. You made that joke last time. Remember what happened?

Last time? What are you talking...

I'm having a really weird morning. That doesn't matter.

The big one five today.

This year is going to be completely... Whoa!

Look out, boys.

-..different.

-One four.

-Sorry?

-One four.

You said the big one five. But it's the big one four.

-I'm 15.

-It's your fourteenth birthday, you plank.

I think I know how old I am, Simon.

If you were 15, we would be in year nine.

We are in year nine.

As if! Then we wouldn't have Norris as our year head.

We don't have Norris as our year head.

CAR HORN BEEPS

Watch it!

Fruit loop.

-What are you doing?

-Something is very wrong here, Si.

Oh, sorry, mate.

Simon! You're messing with me, right? You're winding me up.

I'm 15. I was 14 last year.

Remember? It was the worst year of my life?

The life-saving club, the soccer match, the date with Nicola Grey?

Date with Nicola Grey? Not likely! What's the matter with you?

Did you fall on your head this morning or something?

Simon, I don't know how, but something really weird is happening.

I think...

I feel like I've lived through this year already.

Did you hear what I said?

Are you wearing perfume?

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

See, if you really have lived through all of this before,

then tell me what happens next.

I don't know. It was a year ago. I can't remember every detail.

Oi, King! Kick it back!

Oh!

Wait. I do remember. I kick the ball back and it hits Norris,

then Parker and Howe get detention.

Right. Hate to be the one to point this out to you,

Mr Time Traveller, but Norris isn't there.

King!

You're right. But he comes out that door

in a second with a pink skateboard.

A pink skateboard. Sure.

I'd better kick it back before he gets here.

-Oh!

-Mr Norris!

Quick! Tell me what happens next! No, don't tell me, I know.

I become cricket captain, I'm class president

and I finally get to snog your sister.

Am I right or am I right?

No, no and ew!

You two, detention, this afternoon.

But it wasn't us! It was King!

And?

Shh! This is exactly what happened before. How is this possible?

How have I gone back in time?

It's a temporal loop.

-A what?

-A temporal loop.

I read about them. You fall through a crack in time to an earlier part

in your life and you have to live through it again.

Probably happens all the time.

Oh, and happy birthday.

It's a gift. It's brilliant. You have this superpower.

You know everything that is going to happen before it happens.

Yeah, I do and it's all awful.

Last year was single-handedly the worst year of my life.

Ooh!

-Hey, just watch it!

-Ow!

Why, what happened?

That, and that.

Well, yes, wonderful, lovely.

But let's get onto the things that we really want to know about -

namely what happens to me.

-Oh, and open my card.

-Shh!

Don't let anyone know it's my birthday.

Last time I opened your card and...

-Hide me!

-OK, Alex.

-Guess who I saw?

-Who?

-Miriam!

Right, who's about? McPherson!

I've moved classrooms.

Go to the old one and fetch my contraband cupboard.

Oh, but sir! My back. I really hurt it when I fell over.

-I've got to go see the nurse.

-Oh, clear out then, sooky.

King, you do it.

Ah, King.

Doh! Oh!

My multicoloured bat ball!

King!

This is a nightmare. Why is this happening to me?

Maybe you've looped for a reason.

Perhaps the universe felt sorry for

everything that happened to you last time.

Or the universe just thought it would be funny to watch it all again.

I don't think the universe has a sense of humour, Alex.

Whatever. Parker and Howe are going to grab me and...

-Really?

-Yeah!

Alex, did something happen between you and Nicola last time?

Yeah, lots of things.

Lots of really, really, really awful things.

Now, nothing.

You're right, Maddy. The universe has given me a second chance.

I can stop all the bad stuff that happened.

Like this. Follow me.

See? Humiliation avoided.

Actually, I don't know why I didn't just do that last time.

CAR HORN BEEPS

Surprise!

Oh, here we are. Yay!

The universe doesn't have a sense of humour, huh?

Well, I suppose if I get through this meal without anyone from school

seeing me here, it'll still be a better birthday than last time.

-Birthday? Whose birthday is it?

-His. It's his birthday!

Oh, we have a birthday prince!

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Smile, Alex.

-Whoa!

-How old are you, Your Majesty?

He's 12!

Oh, OK.

Birthday Prince, everyone! Come see the birthday prince!

God save the king!

One, two, three...

That's really not how royals celebrate their birthdays, is it?

Oh, no...yeah. I should know. I'm English.

Oh, you're English?

Sorry! Sorry I'm late. I forgot my trumpet.

What are you doing here?

-I work here.

-No, please don't!

TRUMPET PLAYS FANFARE

Right, that is it!

Alex!

Oh, here's Parker. He'll be after his free burger.

I'll warn him.

Parker...

..coming.

Put a smiley face.

"Painter...coming?" Painter?

Oh, Parker!

No, it's not what you think!

It's not what you think!

You OK?

I'm better than OK. I can do it.

I can change things!

The universe isn't laughing at me.

This isn't a curse, this is a gift!

You know that Parker will be after you all year now, don't you?

-It doesn't matter.

-Well, it does to me.

I'm with you 95% of the time and I might get hurt.

Nobody is going to get hurt.

-I've been given a whole new start. Last year...

-Alex!

..was the worst year of my life,

And this year will be the best, starting now.

OK, starting now.

What happened? Did someone get hurt? Why are we running?

Just shut up and run!

It was just about to step in and save you, wasn't I, Maddy?

But, erm, if it wasn't for this pain... Oh, no.

If it wasn't for this... Why can't I remember?

-Stupid.

-Stupid.

-Stupid, yeah.

Wasn't I, Maddy? Wasn't...

LAUGHTER

How does this happen?