Episode 2 Worst Year of My Life... Again

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

# I'm amazed at the things that you say

# I'd heard it all before

# Just another day

# January, February all the same

# March, April, May's coming back again

# Oh, why?

# Cos it's the worst year of my life again

# It's looped around and pulled me back in

# Now yesterday has come again

# Oh, no

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# Worst year of my life again. #

ALARM RINGS

Valentine's Day. It's so stupid!

It doesn't even mean anything.

Just invented by card manufacturers to sell cards.

-Didn't get any, then?

-I didn't want any.

The whole thing's just a big con.

Only losers care about Valentine's Day.

The home room is going to look amazing.

I still can't believe the school doesn't want to do anything.

Valentine's Day is the most important day of the year.

Nicola, how many cards did you get?

You're going to buy her a card, aren't you?

"My heart is acking for you."

What's that mean?

It's not acking, it's aching.

Only I spelled it A-dot-King. As in Alex King

because you can't put your real name on the card.

So, you just leave a clue.

Yeah, but wouldn't she actually have to know

your real name for that to work?

Look, face it, mate.

You're not even on her radar.

I will be after this.

Yeah. She'll be all, "Hey, there's that boy

"who got me that really small, really cheap card.

"And can't spell aching."

Oh, it's A-C-H...

I know how to spell aching, Maddy.

This was all I could afford.

Size doesn't matter, anyway.

Maddy, if you were a girl, you'd be happy with this.

-Yes.

-See?

Now all I have to do is get it to her before class.

-Then, even if she gets loads more...

-Which she will.

..she'll always remember that mine was the first.

I just have to sneak it in her locker

-before she gets her books out.

-Oh, it won't work.

You can't fit anything under them. I just checked mine. No cards.

Maybe that's because nobody sent you any.

As if! Nah, the doors are too long.

You can't fit anything under them.

And there you go. And, perfect.

And that's not my locker.

What?

Great. Thank you. It's too late now.

Thank you very much, Simon.

So, whose locker is it?

-Oh, it's Parker's.

-How would you know that?

He's opening it now.

-What are you doing down there?

-Dunno.

What am I doing down here, King?

Ahh, beating me up?

Good guess.

HE CLICKS FINGERS

-That showed him.

-LAUGHTER

Good job they legged it.

I was just about to step in.

You've got detention this afternoon, haven't you, King?

No, sir, I don't think so.

Think again.

Get to work.

Move!

I rescued the card.

Brilliant. Thanks, Madds.

Maddy?

Come on, I've got a plan.

-The card he got you was so cute, though!

-I know!

What's he doing?

What did he get you for Valentine's Day?

Chocolates...

and flowers...

I don't kiss and tell.

CRUNCH

CRACK, CRACK

It's very red.

That's what happens when someone stands on it.

Love hurts.

Shut up!

Hey, Nicola, what time's netball?

Oh, this is perfect. Maddy, you take the card

and slip it under the toilet cubicle.

-No way. I don't want to go in those toilets.

-Why not?

The hand dryer. It looks like an angry face. It freaks me out.

When you go to turn it on, it sounds like it's screaming.

It's like...

"Whoosh, ahh! Whoosh, ahh!

"Whoosh, ahh! Ahhh!"

Right. Fine.

I'll do it, but you two keep watch.

If any girls come, you have to distract them.

No problem.

I have a brilliant distraction technique.

What are you doing in the girls' toilets!

You creepy weirdo. Get out!

Erm,

who were you shouting at?

Alex King.

What are you doing?

He pretended to faint.

Why?

Distraction technique.

Did it work?

Just get up.

Alex, do you think Nicola is,

you know, your type?

She is the hottest girl in school.

Yep, she's my type.

I heard she's got a real temper.

Someone nudged her once when she was putting on lip gloss,

so she tried to stuff them in their own backpack.

And it was a very small backpack, Alex.

Very small.

That's not true.

And even if it was, it's a good thing.

It means that she's edgy.

Edgy, blonde,

beautiful.

-Fast.

-Yeah, that, too.

Yeah, great day. Thanks. I'll tell you about it later

Oh, no! Nicola wasn't in there!

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

QUIET CHATTER

Ooh!

Let's see.

So cute!

I knew she'd get loads.

I bet you whoever got her one first is her favourite.

I bet it's bigger than the one you got her.

Bigger.

Bigger.

That's it!

I need to go bigger.

Forget cards.

Do a big romantic gesture.

Girls love romantic gestures, don't they?

Get some flowers, and voila!

I get the girl.

No, no, don't get it.

What am I doing again?

Look, it's simple.

Nicola always goes to netball practice at four,

before the other girls, and sets up the court.

Alone.

It's perfect.

I can walk in with a big bunch of flowers

and as I do, you play some romantic music over the speakers.

It'll be like a scene from a movie.

I like movies about sharks.

Right. Well, maybe we can re-enact a shark movie another time.

For now, let's just stick to a romantic chick flick.

Have you seen that one

where the shark eats the woman in the bath?

Oh, no-no-no.

It wasn't a movie.

It was a dream I had.

Make a good film, though.

Bath Sharks!

Maybe you could download some violin stuff on your phone?

Violins?

Oh, don't tell anyone.

What's this?

Giraffes? Who got me this?

Because it doesn't even make sense.

-Why?

-Because it's stupid, that's why.

How would the shark even get in the bath?

Through the taps.

Big taps.

Maybe it's a small shark.

Alex King!

I got your card.

And then I followed your petals.

What a big romantic gesture?

Come here, Valentine!

Stop it! I never sent you a card.

Yeah, you did.

I never got you a card.

Ohh! You're the giraffe.

That's horrible.

I wouldn't be your Valentine

if you were the last boy on earth!

And in the sequel, I'd call it Shower Gator.

Oh, wait, why have the lights gone out?

Must be my cue for the music.

EERIE VIOLIN MUSIC

Hello?

Who's there?

Oh, probably should have checked it first.

I like it.

This isn't funny.

Amy? Lily?

Kate? Rhiannon?

Jodie? Lucy?

Trish? Emma?

EERIE VIOLIN MUSIC INTENSIFIES

AAAARRRGGHHHHH!!!!

Let me get this straight.

You're living through this time-repeat thing, yeah?

You basically know the future,

and what do you do with this awesome power?

Do you fight crime?

Become famous? Win the lottery? No.

You want to buy a better Valentine's card than last time.

Ah, Valentine's Day is, like, THE most important day of the year.

Says who?

Valentine's Day is, like, THE most important day of the year.

Nicola, how many cards did you get?

Ah, I hate you!

"My heart is acking for you."

"Acking" for you?

Don't start that again.

And don't drink that!

Or you'll choke on it when Maddy makes you jump.

Why would I make Simon jump?

Ahh...

I hate you.

Why can't it be me repeating the year?

It's wasted on you.

The universe doesn't think

you need to learn the same lessons as Alex.

That's true.

I am pretty perfect.

Hey Alex, last time round,

how many Valentine's cards did I get?

None.

Don't be stupid. I bet I did.

I bet I did. I just didn't tell you to spare your feelings.

Actually, I did get one.

From Big Hannah.

Big Hannah?

Yeah, it's a long story.

One that involves a great deal of

pain, humiliation, tripping,

bins on the head, crushed hands,

falling down, detention and making Nicola think

I was going to chop her into little pieces.

Fairly standard day for you, then.

Anyway, this time, all of that can be avoided

by slipping this card into the right locker.

I don't think it fits.

-SCHOOL BELL RINGS

-You could cut it in half.

I said no.

Oh, cheer up. It was a stupid card anyway.

Bears with candyfloss. It doesn't even make sense.

Why would bears have candyfloss?

Maybe it's like that film

where all the bears are loose in the theme park?

-Are you sure that wasn't a dream?

-No, it was...

Oh, yeah, you're right. It was a dream.

Make a good scary movie, though.

Bears On A Roller Coaster.

What's the point in getting a second chance at things

if I still can't do something as simple as this?

Nicola's probably not supposed to be the one for you.

She's right.

I reckon the universe is saying,

"Forget Nicola. Start writing down the answers

"to the ends of your exams,

"so, your best mate can flog them in the school yard."

What?

We'll split the profits.

60-40.

60-30-10.

Face it, Alex.

If the universe wanted you and Nicola together,

it would have given you the opportunity.

It hasn't, so, it doesn't.

Or maybe the universe was just being a little slow?

You keep her busy while I slip this in her bag.

-Preferably without getting a red hand this time.

-What?

Erm, it doesn't matter.

Just distract her, OK?

No problem, I have a brilliant distraction technique...

You're not going to pretend to faint, are you?

No.

Well, that's really all I had.

Nicola?

I was wondering

whether you would like to sponsor me.

Sponsor you to do what?

Um...

..walk?

Sponsor you to walk?

I'll sponsor you to walk.

-Away.

-THEY GIGGLE

Well, not just walk, obviously,

because that would be stupid.

Erm, sponsor me to walk backwards.

What, for charity?

Yes! Yes, that would actually make more sens...

Yes, for charity.

Not really.

Was there something else?

Simon, you all right? You look kind of faint.

Simon? Simon!

No! No!

-CRUNCH

-Noooo!

It's OK. He pretends to faint all the time.

Did it work?

Simon, get up!

EERIE VIOLIN MUSIC

"Acking?"

What are you doing down there?

-Erm...

-Creepy weirdo. Get out!

-Who was that?

-Alex King.

He was looking around the toilets.

LAUGHTER

You've got detention this afternoon, haven't you, Parker?

Yeah, I have detention all week.

Well, now you've got it all month.

Get to work.

Whoever spilt this paint is toast.

Toast!

HE SCREAMS

This is where you ask me what I'm doing, isn't it?

No.

-Erm, listen I was just...

-I don't want to know, all right?

I'm not interested.

BELL RINGS

Brilliant(!) Brilliant(!)

OK, is this over with now?

Can we stop thinking up some more fun things to do

with this time warp, whatever it is thing?

It's a temporal loop.

And the space-time continuum isn't a toy, Simon.

You can't just play with it like a shoe.

-Like a what?

-Like a shoe.

Oh, no, Maddy's right.

-Maddy's right?

-Well, Valentine's Day isn't over yet.

We can still do this.

That's not what I said at all.

Yeah, it is.

Now, what we need is a big romantic gesture.

And this time we'll do it right.

Tablecloth, glasses, drink, vase, candle.

That's not a candle.

It's the best I could do on such short notice.

I'm surprised he hasn't asked for

a violin concerto whilst he's at it.

Why are you helping anyway?

I thought you believed the universe didn't want

Alex and Nicola to be together.

Well, if it doesn't,

then he's going to find out soon enough.

Why? What'll happen if it doesn't?

Will a big black hole appear and suck them up, or something?

Almost definitely not.

Probably just really embarrass himself.

Excellent.

Let's go and watch.

Look, they're not for you, all right.

So, don't buy me any cards.

Because it doesn't even make sense.

How would the bears even have got on the roller coaster?

Queued, same as everyone else.

Those are some pretty weird-looking flowers.

Gross!

We should probably warn him.

No, that'll let him know we're watching?

Fine.

KNOCKING SOUND

There, he's gone.

We've saved the day.

Well, I have.

You weren't much help.

What are you doing?

What's he doing?

Nothing! Nothing.

Well, he's in love, that's all.

He's what?

LOUDSPEAKER SCREECHES

-OVER THE LOUDSPEAKER:

-Give him back his shoe! Get your own!

Erm... I didn't...

OK.

Erm, this probably looks a little bit odd,

but I can explain.

-What's he saying down there?

-I don't know.

This was all his idea.

Something about declaring his love or something.

What?

I mean, it's not like the school were ever going to do anything, is it?

And Valentine's Day is THE most important day of the year.

So, I figured I'd set up a little table and...

-OVER THE LOUDSPEAKER:

-Don't listen to Alex King!

I did not get a Valentine's Day card off him.

And we were not lying on top of each other in the corridor.

And Alex King and I are definitely not in love.

Right.

Well, I think that about covers it.

As you were.

THEY START TO CHATTER

Oh, my God! What's going on?

So, how did it go?

Cos we weren't there.

Obviously.

It could have gone worse.

Really?

Yeah, she didn't try and stuff me in my backpack.

Plus, at least I'm on her radar now.

She knows who I am.

Yeah, the kid who gave Parker a Valentine's card?

Yep, you don't forget something like that.

So you don't think maybe the universe was trying to tell you...

That I need to work even harder to get what I want.

Yep, it's just like you said.

Right.

Wait. No, that's not what I said at all.

Yes, it is.

Oh, no!

How did this happen?

Big Hannah slammed a door in my face.

Why did she still get me a card?

Maybe it's not from her.

Giraffes.

Of course, it's from her.

Who else but Big Hannah would get a giraffe card?

Anyway, enough about me.

Let's figure out who got you that card.

Why do you care?

I'm your best mate.

If someone's trying to send you a secret love message,

I should help you figure it out.

Right. You're just avoiding my question about your shoe.

Shoe? What shoe? Oh, that. That's a funny story...

The doors are too long. You can't fit anything under them.

THEY LAUGH

Told you!

-You can't fit anything under...

-Oh, would you look at that.

It fits and...

The universe probably didn't want you and Nicola together.

So it hasn't. So it shouldn't.

SHE LAUGHS