Episode 3 Worst Year of My Life... Again

# I'm amazed at the things that you say

# I heard it all before just another day

# January, February all the same

# March, April, May's coming back again

# Oh, why?

# Cos it's the worst year of my life again

# It's looped around and called me back in now

# Yesterday has come again, oh no

# Yeah, yeah

# The worst day of my life again. #

ALARM BUZZES

What are you doing?

Practising my slow motion running, obviously.

You know nothing about lifesaving.

I know that it involves moving at a normal pace.

How are you going to rescue anyone like that?

Rescue who, exactly? They haven't let us do anything yet.

No mouth to mouth, no rescues.

No shark warnings. That's un-Australian.

You told me that signing up for this was the way to impress every

-girl on the beach.

-And it will be.

But Jamieson won't let us do any of that

until we've earned our Bronze Medallions.

I'm sick of Jamieson.

I wish the club was run by someone who wasn't such

a stickler for the rules.

Here are the rules!

Right, number one!

Norris.

Get in the line! In line, in line, in line, in line!

Number two, shut up.

NORRIS BLOWS WHISTLE

OK! Today's club fundraiser is top priority.

I need people on the new rescue boat,

the lifesaving demonstration

and the sausage sizzle. Any questions?

-Where's Mr Jamieson?

-He's moved away,

or died. Maybe both. Who cares?

I'm here now and I'm going to make this squad

the best in the business.

Sorry I'm late, Mr Norris. I got hit by a bus.

Not good enough. No excuses.

You're out of the squad.

Right! Who wants to help launch the new rescue boat?

We'll run the sausage sizzle.

King, sausage sizzle.

-Troy!

-Sausage sizzle?

How am I supposed to impress anyone with a sausage sizzle?

Look at Toby.

We want to stay away from anything that could get us in trouble

or we're out. The sausage sizzle is nice and safe.

Right, King. Mess this up and you're in big trouble.

Out of the squad!

I've forked out 200 dollars of my own money

on these sausages. I expect twice that back from a squad under

my command. Get to work!

You. He was talking

to you, cos I'm not going anywhere near a sausage sizzle, King.

So lame.

Sausage sizzles are awesome.

I've always said so, you know, because nutrition is so

important for lifesavers. It helps build the muscles.

Enjoy.

It's not so lame now, is it?

It has its moments.

Beats doing that, anyway.

We just need to stand here and chill out.

-You do that on purpose, don't you?

-Sausage please.

-Bread!

-Bread.

-Sausage!

-Sausage.

-Sauce!

-Sauce.

I prefer to do it myself.

I'll have one of those.

-Can I have the sauce back please?

-But your sign says free sauce.

Yes, but you don't get to keep it.

You're meant to use it and then give it back.

Then your sign shouldn't say free sauce. It's seriously misleading.

-Sauce.

-Sauce.

-Sausage.

-Sausage.

I'm so sorry, sir.

Here, have another one, free.

I hope you catch a big one.

So, how's it going?

Oh, great, sir. Check it out.

CAR HORN BLARES

And The Gal from EZ1-FM, rocking your summer with great prizes.

It's going really well, sir. Almost four hundred dollars.

Hey, that's not a toy!

No way!

Have people been paying you in tentacles? Cool.

The fisherman must have taken the one with the money in it.

-Which one was it?

-Ah, he had a rod.

Really narrowing it down, mate.

It must be him.

You think?

You! Barbecue boy.

What do you think you're doing?

Ah, there's been a mix up and we've swapped boxes.

Simon, can you give him his box?

I don't have his box. Why would I have his box?

Maddy, do you have his box?

Your box is back at the barbecue, but

this one's definitely ours. If you just...

Get your grubby hands off my bait box, you ratbag!

But if you just open you'll see that there's actually coins in there.

-Never!

-Fine!

HE SCREAMS

I'll get you!

Norris is going to kill us.

And then kick us out of the squad.

It's only 400 dollars. We've got plenty of sausages left.

We're just going to have to charge a little bit more.

Oi, Toby, where'd you get that?

Oh, there. They're giving them away.

Delicious.

Don't take the sauce!

We've got one sausage left.

So we charge 400 dollars for it.

Why does this stuff always happen to me?

I told you the sign was badly worded.

Now it just says Sausages Free.

We've got one sausage left... We've got no sausages left

and we've lost Norris's money. How're we meant to pay him back?

OK, who wants to score some cash?

Gibbo and the gal here, we've got 500 big ones to give away right now.

And don't forget, we're still waiting for one lucky listener

to win this 59 inch 3D-HD LCD TV with the Phrase That Pays!

It's been two months now so if nobody gets it right

I might have to take it home myself!

Good one, yeah.

All right, now, it's time now for our daily Cash Conundrum.

You find the mystery object that we've hidden out there somewhere

and you'll take home 500 big ones, OK?

Here's the clue for today. "Rock your world,

"make others see red, they'll turn green

"when you win the bread!" OK, go to it, kids.

This is easy. He said rock so it's on the beach.

Beach, of course. Brilliant.

Turning green. That must mean the park.

-Park. Of course, brilliant. Beach. What are you on about?

-Fine.

You two go look in the park,

but I'm looking on the beach where it definitely is.

"Rock your world, make others see red?" Rocks and red.

And there's the red. It's the flag.

What are you doing?

Nothing, it's... What are you doing?

I'm meant to be running the lifesaving demo with Parker

and Howe, but they keep messing about with the

resuscitation dummy.

That's three dummies then.

Who are you calling a dummy?

Dummy. Dummy.

You're going to need resuscitating when I'm done with you.

Yeah. Hey, don't we need our Bronze Medallions before we do that?

OK, together. Yep, yep.

Oh! A beaded taffeta

with empire bodice and princess ruche skirt. Lovely.

Oi! King!

Parker! Howe! You're meant to be helping the tall girl.

The demo starts in five minutes. Where's the

resuscitation dummy?

-We left it on the beach.

-Well, it's

not there now. We are having this demo.

So if you've lost the dummy,

bullet head, fungus,

you'll be doing mouth to mouth on each other.

Move it! Move it!

Come on, get to it, you lazy individuals!

-Maddy, I've found it!

-What?

-Simon!

-Ow! What?

-Look out for the cake!

-What?

The cake! The cake!

Snake! Snake! Snake!

Why would you shout snake at a children's

party, Alex? That's horrible!

I wasn't shouting snake.

I was shouting cake.

Why would you shout cake?

At least we'll get 500 bucks for Norris.

That's more than he expected. We'll be his favourite junior lifesavers.

-Here you go.

-Huh?

-Can I please have the cash?

-What?

We didn't hide a flag.

It was Cracker the Rock Croc.

It looks like a Chester to me.

Some kid found it in the park.

But hey, chill, dude. You can still

win the TV, with the Phrase That Pays.

I'm putting this back. Come on.

Look at that. That should be us.

Oh, don't worry, when Norris finds out about the money, he'll probably

take us out in it and then chuck us overboard into the propeller.

It was an accident, Alex.

He might understand if you explain it.

-Nope, we're stuffed.

-No more Bronze Medallion.

No more lifesaving. No more girls.

And worst of all we've lost 400 bucks.

I'm going home.

Mention this to anyone, you're toast!

You know, you need to moisturise. Your lips are really dry.

-King!

-Actually, yeah, maybe you're right.

Let's go and explain it to Norris.

Oh.

Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

Look at those clean lines. The design.

He does look kind of happy.

Maybe now is a good time to come clean, offer to pay him back.

As long as it's not coming out of my allowance.

I have a lifestyle to maintain.

Where are they going? Idiots!

You can't go there! There's too many rocks! Rocks!

Stay back! Rocks! Rocks! Oh, no!

Well, can't they see the warning?!

-Where's my flag?

-Here you go, sir.

Just returning this.

King, I'm going to make sure you have the worst year ever!

OK! Today's club fundraiser is top priority.

I need people on the new rescue boat, the lifesaving demonstration

and the sausage sizzle.

Can Simon and me set up the lifesaving equipment?

Jackets?

-Jackets.

-Floats.

Floats.

Flags?

Flags.

Dummy.

I can't believe you got us stuck doing this stupid job while two

meatheads get the girls.

Trust me, you don't want to go anywhere near the sizzle.

Last time, we lost the sausages. We lost the money.

We got beaten up. We ruined a kid's birthday

party. We got blamed for sinking the new rescue boat

and because of that Norris made my life hell for the rest of the year!

Dummy!

You must have been extremely naughty in a previous life.

That's why we're not selling sausages or going

anywhere near the rescue boat. Dummy.

Just because you sank the new rescue boat doesn't mean I would.

-I'm not an idiot like you.

-Hey!

You do that on purpose.

I got us all sausages.

Simon, dummy.

All yours, mate.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

No sauce? No sauce.

What's with the sauce again?

It's mine. It said...

Free sauce. I know.

The sauce is free, not the bottle.

You're meant to use it, then give it back.

-If Parker and Howe...

-King!

Er, hi!

Great sausage. It's ah, it's really sausage-y.

What's behind your back?

I am going to squeeze your head like a sauce bottle!

You've got a customer.

This isn't over yet, King.

But sir, I didn't even see the bus.

I don't care! They are the rules. You're out.

Have you got everything for the demo?

Oh, well, like the dummy and the flags

and stuff, sir? Yeah, of course.

Check it out.

OK beach bums, it's Gibbo...

And The Gal from EZ1-FM rocking your summer with great prizes.

I think we should set up further down the beach, away from

-all the noise.

-OK, just hurry it up.

The mouth to mouth demo starts in 15 minutes.

I don't believe it!

Now the tubs have been swapped.

Like the money last time!

Which ones are they again?

Green ones.

Yeah, really narrowing it down, mate.

Shut up!

Where are they?

I don't know! But we'd

better find them and make it snapper!

Stop floundering around, Alex...

Oi! What are you doing?

Get your grubby fingers off my tubs, you little ratbags.

There's been a mix up. We've swapped gear.

It's all right. Your friend's got it back already.

What friend? What's his name?

What am I, a mind-reader? That angry boy with the sauce

-in his hair.

-Parker.

Jeez, he's covered in stress. Do something.

You look like you've been a sensible little sausage.

But you've spent far too much time in the sun.

Hey, Howe. What's up?

Oh, I'm just talking to some...

I mean, I'm definitely not talking to the sausages.

Where's the dummy?

Who are you calling a dummy?

I need it. Where is it?

Dunno. I do know that Norris isn't going to be happy.

You can't do that. If Norris finds out that I lost

the dummy, he'll be furious.

Then you shouldn't have squirted sauce in my face.

You've got to tell me.

Just forget him, mate. What's the worst that

could happen?

Norris will make us do mouth to mouth on each other.

Where is it? You've got to tell me.

You've got to tell me now.

Really? You really want to know?

Yes!

You're both losers. Rack off!

I don't care about your year.

If you give me mouth to mouth, my entire life is over.

We'll find it. We have to.

-It's going to be on the beach somewhere.

-That's too obvious.

Exactly! Parker thinks that's what we'll think

so he's going to put it in the place

-we won't think he's thinking of.

-You think?

Oh, no, I didn't follow any of that.

I think it's in the park.

Fine.

Me and Maddy will check the beach. You can look in the park.

Where it definitely is.

The universe is trying to stuff me around again,

isn't it? Well, this time I'm not going to let it.

-You all right?

-Like this?

Ah, beaded taffeta with empire bodice and princess ruche skirt.

Lovely.

We're running out of time.

If you have to do the mouth to mouth demonstration with someone,

I suppose I could help.

No, no, don't be silly. It's

got to be the dummy or nothing, and it has to be around here somewhere.

Maybe you should just use that one instead.

Oh, Parker! Come on, I've got to get it down.

-You can't reach it.

-I know that.

King!

What the hell are you doing, King?

Just doing some exercise, sir. Getting ready for the demonstration.

Glad to see you're finally taking something seriously.

Even if you do look like an idiot.

Boots. Five minutes.

I couldn't find the dummy, but I found this.

Oh, that's Cracker the Rock Croc.

-Hold on to that.

-Looks more like Chester to me.

-You're doing it all wrong.

-Oh, really?

Come on, hand it over. This is a man's job.

Sweet.

-Careful, it's sharp.

-What?

-It's sharp.

-What?

It's sharp!

Shark! Shark!

I didn't say shark, I said sharp!

-Cake!

-Snake! Snake!

-Tell me you saw that.

-Why would you

shout shark and snake at a wedding, Alex?

-That's horrible.

-But I beat the universe, Maddy. You saw me.

This time I saved the cake.

Great! Exactly what all superpowers should be

used for. What about

the dummy, dummy?

Get him!

Find them!

Well, at least we won't be doing mouth to mouth on each other.

The worst thing that could happen now is that we get

kicked out of the squad for being late to the demo.

No way! I'm not going to let it happen again.

I'm going to get this dummy to the beach on time.

I'm not having another year of Norris on my case.

Oh, yes! You'll never make it.

Won't I?

Alex, my skateboard!

Thanks, Nicola, you're a lifesaver!

Come on, all you funky dudes and chicks. We're still waiting

-for the Phrase That Pays.

-Righto, wrap this up.

Hand over the cash and head down to the demonstration.

What's that doing there?

-That? King.

-King?

He left it here he went to look for your resuscitation

-dummy he lost.

-What? King!

He's gonna pay for this. Where are you, King?

Come on, King! Come and face the music!

Ah! "Come and face the music." That's the Phrase That Pays.

We've got a winner! After two months, that TV's

finally been won by this

-weird short dude.

-What's going on?

You've just won a brand-new 59 inch 3DHD LCD TV.

I have?

Sir, do you want us to take out the rescue boat?

Who cares about some stupid boat?

I want my brand-new 3D 59 inch HD LCD TV!

There you go. Fantastic.

Come on, hold it straight. Straight. Properly.

Are we on?

OK, here we go.

Fantastic. Another lucky EZ1-FM listener.

Awesome.

OK. Right. Let's get out of this hole. Come on, move back.

-Come on, quickly.

-So grumpy.

Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

Oh, look out!

No!

King. That's it.

I can dump you from the

lifesaving squad, but unfortunately for you,

I cannot dump you from my classroom.

I'm going to make this the worst year of your life.

Ever! Starting tomorrow.

Have you got anything to say about that?

Here you go, sir.

Just returning this.

-No sauce?

-Again with the...sauce.

Your arm's all wet.

I don't believe it! Now the... I don't believe it.

Hoo!