Countdown Young Dracula

BLENDER WHIRRS THEN STOPS

What would Master like for breakfast?

How does natural yogurt and shredded leech sound?

Disgusting. Have you got anything that doesn't contain blood?

You are so not gonna make it as a vampire.

Well, what a night I've had.

Stop what you're doing and prepare...

to be amazed.

You've got a job as a magician?

Oh, if you need an attractive assistant, I look absolutely stunning in sequins.

No! I've been out hunting!

It's time you got your fangs stuck in some proper grub.

Dad, it's a little baby rabbit!

Want something bigger? Well, tomorrow I'll bring you a goat.

I am not eating that! It's alive.

Oh, don't worry, Vlad, everybody gets first-bite nerves.

You just need practice until you're old enough to start on the peasants.

Be a brave boy and bite the bunny.

I'm not biting the bunny!

I'm not biting anyone!

THUNDER RUMBLES

You're a vampire, start acting like one!

Kick him out, Dad, he's too soft.

Ingrid's vile. Why can't you be like her?

Because I like being me, I like being nice.

This is what happens when you try to raise a child on your own. They turn out good!

Would you like me to beat him, Master?

No, what this boy needs is something much more painful.

He needs a mother.

CLUNK!

But I've already got a mother.

Yes, well, I mean one that doesn't run away with a werewolf at the first sign of moonlight.

You need a stepmother.

-Preferably evil.

-And who exactly are you planning on marrying?

Hmm, I shall find a bride the traditional way.

I shall throw a Hunt Ball!

What's a Hunt Ball?

A big fancy party with ballroom dancing, so Dad can waltz around window shopping for a wife.

A vampire party! Cool!

And at midnight, instead of going home they start hunting peasants to feast on.

Dancing is bound to make you peckish.

Robin, it's not funny, Dad's gonna blow our cover!

Vlad, you have to stop him.

I am aware of that, Chloe. But how?

Tell him about Van Helsing.

If he knows a slayer's in town, he'll call it off.

You two are real party poopers.

Or invite even more vampires to have a showdown.

Oh, man, that'd be awesome!

A boy can dream, can't he?

I finally perfected my stake-firing crossbow.

I'm missing lunch so you can shoot plastic bats?

You're crazy.

This isn't a plastic bat, this is Count Dracula.

Oh, I see, you're not crazy, you're insane.

I've spotted a bat flying to and from the castle.

It must be the Count shape-shifting.

I'm gonna blast him out of the sky.

Oh, it couldn't just be bats nesting inside the castle, could it?

-Oh, no, it must be a man turning himself into a bat. Obvious(!)

Pull!

You do know bats are a protected species?!

It's illegal to shoot them.

Pull!

You could get put in jail for this.

Pull!

I killed the Count!

Or put in a strait-jacket.

Right, the guests will be greeted over here,

the drinks table will go over there and you,

try to keep a low profile.

Why are you helping? Do you want a stepmother?

What have I got to lose?

Mum's never here and Dad doesn't like me.

I might find someone who actually cares about me.

-Dad cares.

-Ingrid, I may have to sell you to pay for this party.

-What about Countess LeCushka?

-You can't marry her.

She killed her brother with a garlic-flavoured coffin.

-Mmm, sounds perfect.

-Add her to the list.

Dad you don't have to do this!

I promise to be good...I mean, bad.

Ah! Say hello to the future Mrs Dracula.

What a beauty! Such pale lifeless skin and fangs like icebergs.

We're definitely inviting her.

Dad, that's a picture of Mum.

It says she was at the Annual Werewolf Awards.

I didn't mean her, I meant her.

That's her boyfriend.

He was nominated for Best Hair.

Look, haven't you all got jobs to do. Hmm?

Dad, d'you have to invite all these vampires to Stokely?

You're asking for us to be chased by an angry peasant mob.

FIERCE SHOUTING

HE GASPS

No, you're right, so instead of hunting the whole town, we'll just invite a few peasants to the castle.

We'll let them loose at midnight and the fun can begin.

If you're only draining a few locals, who cares?

Exactly. Now, Ingrid, we need healthy peasants, fit and fast enough to make the chase fun.

Don't worry, Dad, I've got the perfect specimens in mind.

Oooh. We've all been invited to a hunt ball at the castle!

Oh, please say we can go?

No!

I just really don't think we should go!

I couldn't agree more.

Oh, why? It sounds like fun.

There's a hundred things I'd rather do than prancing around with a bunch of weirdos.

We shouldn't make fun of the neighbours. I say we all go and have a jolly good time.

I'm going to ask Ingrid to dance with me!

Me too... Hang on, we don't know how to ballroom dance.

Your father will teach you. He does a mean tango.

What, you think plumbers can't dance?

Does that mean we can go?

C'mon, we'll start with a waltz.

-Oh, yes!

-Are you gonna stand by and let our family be used as refreshments?

You're worrying over nothing.

-We're perfectly safe. The Count likes us.

-That's odd.

Under dress code it just says, "Running shoes".

It says here bats can give you quite a nasty bite.

And so can vampires.

When are you gonna realise there are no vampires?

Vampires are real and they're nesting in that castle.

When I shoot down the Count,

then you'll believe me.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

I'm gonna warn them they've got bats that need protecting.

If you go up there, the only thing that'll need protecting is your neck.

Oh, give over!

There's a lot to do before the guests arrive, so I've made us both a list of chores.

But this is blank?

Whoops, that one's mine, this is yours.

But...this is too much, I don't have time!

Which reminds me, make sure you wind the big clock.

The hunt starts at midnight.

BELL RINGS

-Is Vlad in?

-Upstairs.

"Make three gallons of leech and strawberry punch."

-Is Vlad in?

-Are you deaf? Find him yourself!

All right, no need to shout.

Stewed cockroaches. I've got to make stew as well!

I don't believe it.

You're the perfect specimens Ingrid was talking about.

Specimens? Don't you mean guests?

At midnight a pack of hungry vampires is going to tear you limb from limb.

Get out of here!

You mean...a hunt ball really is a hunt ball?

That's what I've been trying to tell you!

Ingrid really is evil.

Hello? Vlad?

Ingrid? Anybody there?

'Vampires are real and they're nesting in that castle.'

FOOTSTEPS

-Quick, Dad! Wake up!

-Ow!

HE GROWLS

Right, that's it, I'm getting a soundproof coffin.

I am sick of being woken up in the middle of the day!

Sorry, but it's an emergency.

The dry cleaners shrunk my cape?

No, Ingrid's invited the Branaghs to the ball - they're bait!

It's going to be fun!

Vampires are going to suck out our blood!

I thought you wanted to be a vampire? It's better than being a stinking breather.

HE SNIFFS

And you really do reek today, Robin.

You're making this room smell like it's full of breathers.

My family don't want to be turned into vampires!

Oh, don't be so rhesus negative.

They'll look great in fangs -

especially mine!

(Go on! Tell him about Mr Van Helsing!)

What about him?

Well, Dad...you see,

the thing is...

Mr Van Helsing's not just a woodwork teacher...

He's also a vampire slayer.

BRRP!

Him?!

A slayer?

As if! Now get out of here, I need my beauty sleep.

GO!

You actually saw him in his coffin?!

We need to get away from here.

-Far away.

-Run away?

Are you crazy? We've got to get do our duty.

It's going to be swarming with vampires.

They're having a...party!

A party?

Oh, sweet joy! This is it, the big one.

I've always dreamed of this moment, Jonno.

Me and you,

outnumbered,

fighting shoulder to shoulder against a bloodthirsty horde of vampires...

I think I'm gonna be sick.

We've got to stop them from going to the ball. It's our only chance!

Congratulations. I'm glad the penny has finally dropped.

Oh, no! What have I done?

-My dress!

-Never mind, Mum, I'm sure we can go next year.

-Right, Vlad?

-Oh, you bet.

Oh, well... isn't it lucky I decided to wear this instead?

-What if I lock us in and hide the keys?

-Do it.

Hurry up. Ingrid's here.

Ingrid's checking my blood pressure. Isn't that thoughtful?

Just want to make sure you're fit for the dance.

You're sick! Sick, do you hear?

Chloe, don't be so rude!

120 over 60.

-Is that good?

-Perfect.

You could run for miles.

Right. Good.

Don't panic. The hunt doesn't start until midnight, we've still got time!

For what? How are we gonna stop a room full of thirsty vampires?

Leave it with me.

It's time. Come on, let's gather some weapons and ammo.

We're gonna need the full works.

Are you with me?

Dad, wait!

What if you don't make it back?

You're all I've got.

Every man must choose his own destiny.

I've chosen mine,

it's time for you to choose yours.

That stopped him in his tracks immediately.

Two minutes.

Elizabeth!

So glad you could make it.

-We wouldn't have missed it for the world, would we?

-Mmm.

-Thank you for inviting us.

-You must stay till midnight.

I have something lined up...that's to die for. Please.

OK, here's your shortlist.

I recommend her, her or her.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Get talking to them.

No, Ingrid, they shall come to me.

Drawn by the power of my magnetic charm.

See, what did I tell you?

I'm irresistible.

-Magda!

-Hello, darlings.

Mum! What are you doing here?

I want to know why your father's looking for a wife.

It's time Vladimir had a proper mother.

I'm a proper mother!

You sent us jumpers made out of your boyfriend's fur.

He was moulting - it seemed such a waste.

Now be quiet and fetch me a drink, I'm parched.

Looking for something?

What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the ball?

-The what?

-Let's not play games any more, Vlad.

I know you're a vampire.

And you know I'm a slayer.

Look, I don't know what you're talking about, OK?

Cross my heart and hope to...

Look I don't know, OK?

What are you going to do now?

Vampire?

Jonathan, am I glad to see you!

Vampire!

Oh, poo.

Where's Vlad? We're running out of time.

He can't help you now, no-one can.

The vampires have picked up the scent.

CLOCK CHIMES

Mum, Dad, please can we go now?

It's way past our bedtime.

Ingrid hasn't danced with us once.

They've got a point, it's getting late.

Let's go then.

Dance?

It's too late, we're leaving.

Well, they changed their tune pretty quickly.

I suppose one more dance won't kill us.

If he moves, stake him.

Don't listen to him, Jonathan, he's crazy!

Dad, I've decided.

I want to slay vampires.

OK, you're both crazy.

I've waited a long time to hear you say that, son, but now I need you to stay here and watch him.

Don't worry. I'll be careful, I promise.

Please, don't hurt my dad.

Relax, Vlad,

he won't feel a thing.

Poisoned blood.

I'm going to slip it into his drink and watch him turn to dust.

Him and the rest of his bloodsucking friends.

You're wasting your time.

-You'll never get into the castle!

-Don't worry,

I'm a master of disguise.

GIGGLING

Oh, Bun Buns.

You'll never marry another.

You still love me.

I'm so over you.

Ha ha ha ha!

-Go on, pick a woman, any woman, and I will ask them to marry me.

-You're bluffing.

Anyone.

Her!

Urgh, but she's so...

Fine. Fine!

Good evening.

What a beautiful...flask.

Why thank you, kind sir.

Please, call me Count.

What's your name,

fair maiden?

Hels...inki.

Van...essa Helsinki. From Finland.

Well, Miss...

Helsinki, erm...

There's something I have to ask you.

What's that?

Is it me or is it getting hot in here?

-Drink?

-Thanks.

Look, what I wanted to say is...

would you do me the honour of being my...my dance partner?

OK.

If Vlad doesn't get here soon, we'll be vampires!

We've got to get out of here. Time's running out.

I never even got to say goodbye.

I'm sure Dad will have finished them quickly.

They probably didn't feel a thing.

He's practised a lot and read all the books.

He HAS done this before...right?

Yeah!

Well, not technically, no.

You're telling me your dad has gone up to a castle full of vampires,

having never slayed one before?

-Is that a bad idea?

-If you ever want to see your dad again,

you'd better untie me - now!

That hideous creature was not on my shortlist. This is a disaster.

She'll never make him happy.

At least we have something to take our minds off it. Here comes dinner.

-Having fun?

-You've been such a wonderful hostess, we can't thank you enough.

-There's something I've been meaning to give you.

-For me?

I know how hard it must be for you not having a mother around.

I thought this might cheer you up.

Mrs Branagh, you're too kind.

This is a disaster. A complete disaster.

Oh, shush, Robin!

..I've got it. I know how we can buy us a bit of time!

BELLS RING

-BELL STRIKES THE HOUR

-Twelve!

-What's the special occasion?

Eleven!

-It isn't New Year.

-Ten!

-Ugh!

-Nine!

-Why d'you think I'd wear trash like this? It's revolting!

-Well, really!

-How rude!

-..Seven!

-Get out of here now, you're not welcome!

-Six!

-You heard her, let's go!

-Five!

-I wouldn't want to stay a moment longer.

-Four!

-Quick, go!

-Three!

-You won't be able to hold them off.

-She's got a point.

-Two!

-Robin!

-Get out of here. Now!

One!

Yoo-hoo! Dinner's over here!

Dad, stop! That woman is Mr Van Helsing.

He's a slayer!

Oh, please!

I think I can tell the difference between a man

-and a woman.

-Oh, Dad, I was so worried about you!

Dad?

Yes, it is I...

..Van Helsing.

Vampire slayer!

Stay back or I'll shoot!

That won't scare them -

they're my friends!

Prepare to die.

Please, don't shoot my dad!

-I'll save you, Master!

-Watch out, he's got a sword!

Oops.

DAD!

My darling Count!

Oh, Magda, I lied...

I never stopped loving you.

And I you.

Promise me, promise you'll stay and look after the kids.

-Promise, Master.

-Not you! Magda!

I'll look after them like they were my own children.

We ARE your own children!

Silence! Vladdy, Vlad, closer...

Promise...promise you'll carry on the family name

and be a good vampire.

I promise.

That's my boy.

He's dead!

But he didn't say anything to ME. Oh, that is so typical!

I slayed a vampire.

I slayed a vampire!

Actually I...I don't think you did.

Dad, it's your flask of poisoned blood.

Well, let's fill it with something a little fresher.

-What do we do now?

-Run!

Don't go now,

the party's just getting started.

Let the boy go, it's me you want.

-I won't put up a fight.

-Dad, no!

Don't do it, Dad,

-it's not worth it.

-Oh, it's worth it, all right.

But it's too easy if he won't put a fight. Where's the fun in that?

We'll meet again,

I promise you that.

Can't wait.

Oh, and by the way...

love the dress!

I can't believe you just let a slayer go.

Well, I didn't want to ruin the family reunion.

Oh, Magda, with you back it's going to be like old times.

Goodbye, Vlad. Look after your father,

he's a danger to himself when he's trying to kill slayers. Mwah! Mwah!

You're leaving?

But you said you loved me.

You were dying, I was trying to be nice.

Isn't she just the most evil woman in the world?

So I guess you want us to start packing our bags, then?

Whatever for?

Having a slayer in town is going to make life so much more interesting.

THE COUNT CACKLES

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd.

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