Faustian Slip Young Dracula


Faustian Slip

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LineFromTo

Good work, Vlad.

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Good work.

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HE LAUGHS

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Mr Count?

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Do you normally read this sort of thing?

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I found it in your confiscation cupboard.

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Yes, I caught a student reading it in assembly.

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Are you enjoying it?

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Ah, a haunting love story of a vampire man...

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and a human woman.

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Sentimental and completely unrealistic.

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-I don't suppose you've confiscated the sequel?

-I'll see what I can do.

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Now, for a more pressing matter -

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-the graffiti.

-Some of it is hopelessly inaccurate.

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Oh, but I'm sure nobody believes a word.

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Seriously, it will be painted over before parents' evening?

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You promised to release the funds. Don't tell me you've forgotten?

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Don't worry, everything will be all right.

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You did forget.

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I promise you, it will be gone by Monday.

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I'm not doing it. Clean up your own mess.

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I'm too busy cleaning up YOUR mess!

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I have to smooth things over with Von Racalud in person.

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I only posted him to Transylvania, you garlicked Goody McEldrich!

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-There's a big difference!

-What?

-I didn't get caught.

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You need to learn that actions have consequences.

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Being a vampire isn't all about mindless violence.

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That's just the fun part. You need to learn discipline!

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I'm not spending my whole weekend cleaning up graffiti.

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Of course not! You need to keep up with your training too.

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I've been training every night this week.

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-You still haven't mastered telepathy.

-I hope you can read this!

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Actually, I can. And the answer - I seriously doubt it would fit.

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-Bertrand, make sure he doesn't slack off.

-You can't tell him what to do.

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Unfortunately, he can. Until you're 18, I must obey the Regent,

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-as I must you.

-You see, Vladdy, remember, hard work and discipline.

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I'm off on a mercy visit to see my old friend, Racalud.

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Yes, he's been very poorly after a nasty package holiday incident.

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Well, I hope you have a good flight.

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It's so good of you to keep an eye on my Vladdy.

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-He's at a difficult age.

-Teenage boys think they know it all.

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They're desperate for independence

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-but they need strong parental guidance.

-You are so right.

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How did you get to be so wise at such a young age?

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-I'm not that young.

-You're wiser than Vlad's mother and she's 250.

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SHE GIGGLES

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Have a good trip.

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Oi! Scram! This is my patch!

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Quite right, Renfield, get rid of them.

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RENFIELD CLEARS HIS THROAT

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I said...SCRAM!

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-And take that mangy dog...

-Hello, handsome.

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Oh, don't you look the business!

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I don't suppose you'd like to come inside for a cup of tea?

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This way.

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'Dearest Sis, I know you think you can save me

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'by slaying the Draculas, but I don't want you to get hurt.

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'Please, Erin, get out of there before it's too late.'

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Ingrid. Feeling better?

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Listen to this. "Members of a shady organisation

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"known as the Blood Brotherhood claim to have evidence

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"that Vladimir Dracula is not the Chosen One.

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"It is now their mission to wipe out the entire Dracula clan."

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Ha! I knew there'd been a mistake.

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Vlad could never be the Chosen One, he's far too pathetic.

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"The Brotherhood are asking anyone with information regarding

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"the whereabouts of the Dracula family to call the number below."

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-Aren't you worried?

-They'll never find us here.

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And even if they did...

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-bring them on.

-No disrespect, Ingrid,

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but you're hardly at your fittest. And the Count's not even here.

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-Argh!

-Sorry!

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Don't apologise! I've never seen you so focussed.

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This new technique's bringing out your killer instinct.

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Come on, let's go again.

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Not now. It's time for telepathy practice.

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Argh, my father can go bite himself!

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-We must obey the Regent.

-This Regent thing is doing my head in!

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Remember - discipline and self control.

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Fine, we'll do the stupid telepathy thing.

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Just clear your mind. Focus on the images

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and send them to me.

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As you're still learning, I'll communicate with you on this, OK?

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Message received. Whisky, tango, foxtrot.

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-Over.

-Over.

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Renfield!

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What does a vampire have to do to get a snack around here?

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I'm, uh... I'm not the headmaster, exactly.

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More the waste disposal engineer

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and hygiene manager.

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It's a lot of responsibility... but the perks are very good.

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Of course, the hardest thing to deal with...is the loneliness.

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And I like...

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'Try the next one.

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'Concentrate.'

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A snake...in some grass.

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A snake...in...grass.

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This is stupid!

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Hello, darling.

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Mum?

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Renfield!

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Where did you come from?

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What happened to you?

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You look...awful.

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Patrick left me.

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-Really?

-Cast me aside for some blonde she-wolf arm candy.

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Well, I'm sure he'll take you back,

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-he always has done before.

-Not this time.

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She's only 100 years old. How can I compete with that?

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'OK, I'm getting an image.

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'A horned devil woman with a forked tongue and cloven hooves.'

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That's how you see me?

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Thank you, Vlad. If only Patrick would see me that way!

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It's good to see you. It's been a while since I had a live meal.

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You won't make me sick, will you?

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Sorry, but I'm gagging for a pint of warm, fresh...

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fluffy...cuddly...

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Curse you! Why d'you have to be so cute?

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Patrick's just one werewolf. There's plenty more fish in the sea.

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Look at me. What man would want this?

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'Renfield.'

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I'm definitely getting an image of Renfield.

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Forget it.

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I've had it with men.

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I'm going to be an independent woman and stand on my own two feet.

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What, really? You?

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You don't think I can do it?

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Well, it's just it doesn't seem to be going very well so far.

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You know, you've really grown.

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-How so?

-I mean inside.

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You're strong. You're not a boy anymore. You're a man.

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I'm proud of you.

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Goodbye.

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Wait...

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You can't leave like this.

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You can get yourself cleaned up in Dad's room.

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-Second on the left.

-Thank you, Vladdy.

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-That's your mum?

-Yeah. Dad will go BATS when he finds her here.

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I'm sensing your mum and dad have got a few issues?

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Just the usual stuff - lying, cheating, multiple murder attempts.

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-Why not just tell her to get lost?

-Because she's my mum.

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SHE CACKLES

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-Mum!

-Vladdy.

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You look great.

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Thank you, darling.

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-So... What are you doing?

-What does it look like?

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Mum...

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Time for a tea break?

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Sorry, who are you?

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Oh, er, this is my mum.

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Magda...Carmella...Elizabetta...

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Barthoria...Westenra.

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Alex...McCauley.

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Biccie?

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No, thank you.

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Keep up the good work.

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Nice to meet you, Ms Westenra.

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Urgh.

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What a drab little peasant.

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What does your father see in her?

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-Nothing. She's just head teacher.

-SHE CHUCKLES

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I know your father.

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He always had this perverted thing for breathers.

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You're being paranoid. Miss McCauley is not Dad's type.

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SHE SIGHS

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What's up?

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You should be preparing yourself.

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Your glorious destiny is the Chosen One,

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-not slaving away like a common peasant.

-Don't tell me, tell Dad.

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He's my Regent. I have to do what he says till I'm 18.

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You're twice the man your father ever was.

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Why should you listen to him?

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Like I said, he's my Regent.

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DIAL TONE

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-BEEP:

-'You have reached the Blood Brotherhood.

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'If you wish to join the brotherhood, press one.

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'If you have information about the Draculas, press two.'

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'Speak.'

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The Draculas are staying at Garside Grange school in Lancashire.

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'We'll be there.'

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It'll be clean and quick, right?

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I mean, you won't hurt them more than you have to?

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LINE GOES DEAD Hello?

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H-hello?

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-But

-I

-couldn't be Regent. Such responsibility!

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That's man's work. I wouldn't know what to do.

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That's the beauty of it. You wouldn't have to DO anything.

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I'd make all the decisions.

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You really want ME to be Regent?

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Yes, Mum, I want you to be my Regent.

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-Er...what's that?

-Our contract.

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-That was quick!

-Not really.

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It took me months to get that drawn up.

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I'm cancelling this right now.

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How do I do that?

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-You don't. Only

-I

-can cancel the contract.

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You devious, conniving witch.

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You say ALL the right things.

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Is it legally binding?

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Afraid it's water-tight. Someone really knows their vampire law.

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Patrick's lawyer's the best.

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Patrick was in on this?

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-You're back with HIM?

-We never split up.

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As if any man would leave THIS!

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DOOR OPENS

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Ah, the peasant. Take that outside and burn it.

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-Put it down, Renfield.

-Patrick and I need the space!

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He's NOT moving in here.

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You don't have a choice.

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Now, do play nicely when Patrick arrives for the photo-shoot.

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-Photo-shoot?

-Digital, of course.

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FANG! Magazine are doing The Chosen One And His Regent.

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We're going to be stars.

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We're supposed to be in hiding. You'll get us slain!

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Don't be so dramatic. And you might want to get changed.

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-They'll be here in 20 minutes.

-I'm not doing it.

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HE YELLS

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The Ward agrees to forfeit all powers against his Regent.

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No... I don't think this tutor's working out, Vlad.

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Go!

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THUNDER CLAP, SHE CACKLES

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This is nice!

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Please, you have to help me!

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I must obey the Regent's orders.

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I'm sorry, Vlad. Good luck.

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-What are you doing?

-Playing with my food.

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-Where's your dawky tutor going?

-Mum sent him away.

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Mum? She's back?

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You loser. You fell for one of her scams.

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-She tricked me into making her Regent.

-Nice one, Mum!

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-I feel sick.

-So you should!

-Girl Power's finally arrived

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in the vampire world and we're going to make your life a living hell.

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You're doomed.

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Unless I tell Dad.

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As I said, you're doomed.

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How angry do you think he'll be?

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-On a scale of one to mass murder?

-There's no choice.

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If those journalists report where we are, we're all dead.

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Me, Dad, Ingrid and Mum. That doesn't bother me so much anymore.

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Anyway, I need to call Dad immediately.

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I need to use my training. Leave me alone... Let me get on with it!

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-Mum.

-Ingrid, darling! I came as soon as I heard.

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Really(?) I've been like this for weeks.

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I may have stopped off in Paris...

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Thanks for your concern.

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Anyway, I've been thinking about what we can do now you're Regent.

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Patrick and I don't need a sickly invalid weighing us down.

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-But I'm your daughter.

-I know, but you can't expect special favours.

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-We're women.

-I had to lie, cheat and thoroughly demean myself

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to get the Regency, and I'd expect you to do the same.

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"Dear Ryan, by the time you read this, our nightmare will be over."

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"I have found a way to wipe out the Dracula clan.

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"Ingrid and her family will be dead,

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"and the vampire curse on you will be lifted.

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"I know you have been suffering during the transformation,

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"but soon, that will all be reversed, and you will be human again."

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I knew you could do it, Vladdy.

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Your message came through clear as a bell. "Come home now,

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"Major A blood for tea".

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"Major emergency".

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Oh, not nearly as good.

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-What's the emergency?

-Reporters from FANG! Magazine are on their way.

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-I need you to get rid of them.

-I'll tell them to leave you alone.

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The thing is, er, some stuff happened while you were away.

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Some of it good, some of it bad.

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Actually, most of it bad. Look, long story short,

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I kind of made Mum Regent.

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HE ROARS

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I made Mum Regent because you never listen to me

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-and you treat me like a child.

-So you gave my powers to that...

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fur-loving strumpet?!

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I thought she'd respect me.

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I've got a plan to fix this, but I do need your help.

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-Why should I help you, you little traitor?!

-Cos Mum's Regent.

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She'll throw you out and you'll be powerless and homeless.

0:19:100:19:13

So what's your plan?

0:19:130:19:15

Mum's got this crazy idea that you fancy Miss McCauley.

0:19:150:19:18

Ludicrous.

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I know, right?

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But we can use it.

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What's your name, hmm?

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Where did you come from?

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How would you like the opportunity to stab your mother in the back?

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Literally?

0:19:370:19:39

Regrettably, no.

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It's better than nothing, I suppose.

0:19:430:19:46

-You're clear on what you're doing?

-Of course.

-Just remember...

-I know.

0:19:460:19:50

Pretend that I like Miss McCauley.

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And do not fall for Mum - again.

0:19:520:19:55

What do you take me for?

0:19:550:19:57

She's a detestable abomination,

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black-hearted and evil through and through.

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Like I said, don't fall for her.

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Bun-Buns!

0:20:100:20:12

WHAT are you doing on my throne?

0:20:120:20:15

MY throne. I'm Vlad's Regent now.

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-Oh, good.

-What?!

0:20:210:20:24

Well, being Regent was becoming a bit of a chore.

0:20:240:20:27

Now I'll have more time for moonlight walks

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with the bewitching Miss McCauley.

0:20:300:20:33

I don't know what you see in that stinking breather.

0:20:330:20:37

Don't you insult her!

0:20:370:20:39

She's more of a woman than you'll ever be.

0:20:400:20:43

More than this?

0:20:550:20:57

I'm sorry, Magda.

0:21:030:21:06

I've moved on.

0:21:080:21:09

CRASH!

0:21:110:21:13

Master Vlad? Who do you think is winning?

0:21:130:21:17

CLATTERING

0:21:170:21:19

That'll be Mum throwing something at Dad.

0:21:190:21:22

BANG!

0:21:220:21:23

That'll be Dad destroying the furniture.

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-SMASH!

-That could be either of them.

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CLATTERING

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-Ooh!

-CLATTERING STOPS

0:21:310:21:34

It's over.

0:21:340:21:35

What are you doing?

0:21:380:21:40

Well, how can I resist her?

0:21:400:21:42

She's my world.

0:21:420:21:44

My death.

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My darkness.

0:21:450:21:48

SHE LAUGHS

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Oooh.

0:21:500:21:52

I hope you have a plan B.

0:21:550:21:57

I'm busy.

0:22:010:22:03

-I need your help.

-I'm at a critical point.

0:22:030:22:05

I need you to dress up as a woman and pretend to be Mum.

0:22:050:22:10

Nothing that can't wait.

0:22:110:22:12

This is the place.

0:22:220:22:24

We go in, ash the Dracs, then leave.

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HE GROWLS

0:22:410:22:43

Who are you?

0:22:490:22:50

Who are YOU?

0:22:500:22:52

You really don't know?

0:22:520:22:55

FANG! Magazine.

0:22:550:22:57

Ah, I read your article.

0:22:570:23:00

This is the lot that called us "shady."

0:23:020:23:06

HE GROWLS

0:23:060:23:08

FFRRRT!

0:23:080:23:09

HE ROARS

0:23:090:23:12

Mummy!

0:23:140:23:15

Thanks for the cover story, ladies.

0:23:240:23:26

Such a shame they won't be around for the scoop of the century -

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the total extermination of the Dracula clan.

0:23:310:23:37

How do I look?

0:23:410:23:43

Like death warmed up.

0:23:440:23:47

CLANGING

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What was that?

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The sound of my heart

0:23:530:23:55

beating out the rhythm of my love for you.

0:23:550:23:59

You don't have a heartbeat.

0:23:590:24:01

That's how much I love you.

0:24:010:24:03

SHE GIGGLES

0:24:070:24:09

THUDDING

0:24:110:24:14

Hello, darlings.

0:24:220:24:24

FANG! Magazine.

0:24:290:24:30

We're here to interview the Draculas.

0:24:300:24:33

-Please, come in.

-(No, get rid of them!)

0:24:330:24:37

Where is the so-called "Chosen One"?

0:24:370:24:40

He's out. But I'm all yours.

0:24:440:24:47

All right, darlings, I am ready for my close-up.

0:24:470:24:52

I sense a heartbeat.

0:24:520:24:55

You're no vampire.

0:24:560:24:59

You're not even a woman.

0:24:590:25:01

Oooh!

0:25:010:25:03

Do you think we're fools, human scum?

0:25:050:25:08

-No!

-RENFIELD WHIMPERS

0:25:080:25:11

It's obviously another hoax.

0:25:130:25:14

Waste our time again, breather,

0:25:140:25:18

and we'll be flossing you from our fangs for a fortnight.

0:25:180:25:23

HE GASPS

0:25:260:25:28

Good riddance.

0:25:300:25:31

Where are those wretched hacks?

0:25:340:25:37

HE HUMS

0:25:400:25:42

Was it a success?

0:25:420:25:44

Renfield dressed as a woman - never fails.

0:25:440:25:47

-The journos have gone.

-What do you mean "gone"?

0:25:470:25:51

He means you totally fell for my plan.

0:25:510:25:55

Your plan, Bun-Buns?

0:25:550:25:57

-Don't Bun-Buns me, you nefarious harridan!

-Bun-Buns!

0:25:570:26:03

Dad was just distracting you while we tricked the journalists.

0:26:030:26:07

-It's over.

-Over?

0:26:070:26:09

It's only just begun.

0:26:090:26:14

I'll sell our story to the Vampire Times instead.

0:26:140:26:18

Stop right there.

0:26:180:26:20

Oh, look at those cheekbones.

0:26:230:26:28

You could cut glass with them. RENFIELD: Oh, yeah!

0:26:280:26:30

Where did you get THAT?

0:26:300:26:32

Wouldn't it be terrible if someone uploaded them onto Bat Bite

0:26:320:26:37

-for everyone to see?

-Especially Patrick.

0:26:370:26:41

-Please, don't show the pictures to Patrick.

-I won't.

0:26:410:26:45

-As long as you annul the contract and go home.

-Never!

0:26:450:26:50

Fine, if that's what you want.

0:26:500:26:52

50% uploaded...

0:26:560:26:57

..60%...

0:26:590:27:02

Wait!

0:27:030:27:05

You're a fool.

0:27:050:27:06

You could've been famous.

0:27:060:27:08

Dead famous.

0:27:080:27:11

Goodbye, darling.

0:27:140:27:16

Well, I hope you've learned something from this.

0:27:180:27:23

Always read the small print.

0:27:230:27:25

-And?

-That sometimes you're right?

0:27:250:27:28

Exactly.

0:27:280:27:29

Erin, why have you packed your bags?

0:27:310:27:35

Oh, close the blinds, Renfield. It's sunrise.

0:27:350:27:39

DOG BARKS

0:27:400:27:42

-CHILD'S VOICE: Ow!

-Who is that?

0:27:430:27:47

Has anyone seen my mum?

0:27:480:27:50

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:550:27:58

E-mail [email protected]

0:27:580:28:01

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