Carpathian Feast Young Dracula


Carpathian Feast

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Black bishop takes white pawn.

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RUSHING SOUND

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Dad, Year 8 science class has gone missing.

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I said, black bishop takes white pawn. That's you, boy!

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What are you...?

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Excellent. Be off with you, pawn.

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What are you doing?

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I'm teaching Wolfie how to play chess, obviously.

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But you can't use Year 8!

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Can't! A word for breathers.

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Why have a school of human spawn if you can't have a little sport?

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They're all thoroughly hypnotised. They won't remember a thing.

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That doesn't make it any better.

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You see, Wolfie, chess is the ultimate game

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of tactics and strategy.

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Every move should be an educated

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and intellectual decision.

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Can you move the horsey next?

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I don't know how to play chess, Master.

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You could fill a crypt with what you don't know.

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Right, go back to class.

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-Stay!

-Go!

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-Stay!

-Go!

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-Stay! Go!

-Stay! Go!

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-Stay!

-Stay!

-Go! Ah...

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You heard the man.

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D-Do you see me laughing?

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RENFIELD SNIGGERS

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I'm back.

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Twice as gorgeous, three times as evil.

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Make that four times as evil.

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KNOCK AT THE DOOR

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-IN A WEAK VOICE:

-Come in.

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-Oh, it's you.

-Why are you acting like you've just been staked?

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I want people to think I'm still weak.

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That way they'll underestimate me.

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You reek of breather.

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I've been in class with them all day. The stink clings.

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So, what do you say we go into town tonight

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and give some boys the fright of their dull little lives?

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Sorry, I said I'd hang out with Vlad.

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Again? But we had an arrangement.

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Did we?

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It's because he's the Chosen One.

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You think he's going to make YOU his queen?

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We're just friends.

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You're trying to take my place, aren't you?

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I don't want to be his sister.

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It's too weird, even for this place.

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You know what I mean!

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You really need to chill.

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Don't you dare walk away from me!

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DOOR SLAMS

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There's only one Queen of Darkness here!

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Argh!

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CRASHING NOISES

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Ow!

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So it was on...

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October...23rd?

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No, the Battle of Trafalgar was 21st.

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All right. 21st October, 1805.

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Lower gun deck. And just before he died Nelson said...

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er...

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"Kiss me, Hardy".

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No, he didn't, he said "kismet".

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Kismet? He said what?

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Kismet. It means fate.

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No, he didn't.

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Bertrand was there. Well, he is over 400.

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Used to hang around loads of battles, apparently.

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Easy pickings, he says, all that blood.

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-Made a real pig of himself at Waterloo, so...

-Ew!

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Mm-hm-hmm.

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Renfield!

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Renfield!

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FAST-APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS

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Yes, Master?

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What's happened to my fang file?

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It's as dull as an evening in your miserable company.

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Ow! It's Vlad. He borrowed it for his metalwork project.

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He's always telling me what to do and trifling with my possessions!

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I should kick him up the...

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MYSTICAL SINGING ECHOES INTO THE ROOM

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THE COUNT SIGHS

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It can't be.

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MYSTICAL SINGING CONTINUES

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LADY CONTINUES SINGING

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SINGING DRIFTS INTO THE ROOM

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Is that what I think it is?

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SINGING DRIFTS INTO THE ROOM

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SHE SINGS IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE

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What do you think you're doing?

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I was just about to ask YOU the same question.

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But that song, it's Transylvanian. She must be from the old country.

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It's years since I've had a home-cooked meal.

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No! You can't.

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I'm your father.

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Pick a fight with me, boy, and you WILL lose.

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I said no.

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I'm so sorry, must have caught you...

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Just...

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What? I just got lucky...

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So, what's on the menu? Has-beens on toast?

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I hope you don't think I enjoyed seeing you humbled, crushed,

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shamed, humiliated...

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Stop me when you think I've covered it.

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You've got to do something before Vlad gets too strong.

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He might make you Lord of Croydon for a few years,

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but then he'll pack you off to the Twilight Home for the Long in Fang!

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I'd take him on myself if I wasn't still so exhausted.

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I don't need advice from you.

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Of course not. I suppose you know his big weakness.

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Erin? The half fang? He's crushing on her like crazy.

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If you want to get him, get her!

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That's blatantly obvious to anyone with half a brain.

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BELL RINGS

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Come on, you stupid locker!

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Allow me.

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Sweaty hands. What's going on?

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Last night I dumped the mightiest vampire on the planet on his pants

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and today I can't open a stuck locker.

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You were angry and focused, it concentrated your powers.

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You learn to control that

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and you'll be ready to open the Praedictum Impaver.

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-I need to do more training.

-Have you seen the Count today?

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-He's avoiding me.

-He's seen the future. He has to feel relevant.

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It's vital that he's reassured, otherwise he's got nothing to lose.

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He'll go on a killing spree, bring the slayers down on us.

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Until you open the book, he won't be ready to lead us at Kingston.

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We need more time.

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So...

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Er...

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Wolfie, did you enjoy your chess lesson?

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Did Dad show you his famous Transylvanian opening gambit?

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It was boring.

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Unlike me, he doesn't appreciate the Count's wisdom.

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Shut up, Renfield.

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Lunch is served...

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What gastronomic delights are you tempting us with?

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The Master's favourite.

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And by Master you mean...?

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SLURPING NOISES

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Ocelot Wellington in a sticky badger sauce.

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Ooh, delicious.

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Absolutely revolting!

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It's disgusting, Master! That pup needs teaching some manners.

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Good idea, Renfield. See to it.

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As you say, Master.

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Where's the ocelot's nose?

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I always get the ocelot's nose! Right, that's it.

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Apologies, I thought now Master Vlad...

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It's a mistake. Dad, this is yours.

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Keep it. I've decided to satiate my appetite

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with a little Transylvanian cleaner I know.

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Don't try and stop me, I'm ready for you this time.

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And what if that brings the slayers down on us?

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You're a big boy now, I'm sure you can handle it.

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Now you're just being silly.

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Silly....

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I've been the scourge of nations,

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star of 10,000 nightmares and now I'm just silly.

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Count Silly of...

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Croydon!

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Dad, I'm sorry if I've offended you. Really, I am.

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Prove it.

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How?

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I want you to throw a Carpathian feast tonight - in my honour.

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Yes.

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Yes. A dinner for me and my pals.

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It'll prove that you still value and revere me.

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Yeah, I can do that.

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Renfield, make the usual discreet travel arrangements for the guests.

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That's it? That's the wrath of the mighty Count Dracula?

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He throws a party and it's all happy families?

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You aren't invited.

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Let me tell you about fine dining.

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These are not ordinary maggots, these are hand-reared maggots,

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fed on a diet of elephant dung

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and matured in a barrel of badgers' wee.

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This is not just vampire food,

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this is vampire food heaven.

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Now get a good handful and shove it in your gob.

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That doesn't sound posh.

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It's how the fancy French vampires do it and they know better than you,

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you little hooligan!

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Hosting a party for Dad's old cronies is a torture of its own kind

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but if that's all it takes...

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-Learn not to take things at face value.

-What? What have I missed?

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There hasn't been a Carpathian feast for hundreds of years.

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-There's something that happens...

-I'll jump out of a cake if I have to.

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A vampire of the Count's choosing is roasted to death in his honour.

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-I hope you're happy.

-Ingrid, I'm so sorry.

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-Look, I won't let him do this to you.

-It's not me, it's Erin.

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-Oh!

-Vlad!

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Daddy, I am so proud of you.

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SHE SOBS

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Leave me alone. I'm not going to let him do this.

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Then you'll fail his test. He knows you've got a thing for her.

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We're just friends.

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Vlad, I'm over 400, I know when a guy's into a girl.

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She walks into a room, you get a silly grin on your face.

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OK, I'll tell Dad I don't have feelings for her

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and he'll stop playing his silly games and let her go.

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If you do anything to stop him burning Erin,

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he's going to know that you've put your wishes above his.

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-Vlad, you know where that will lead.

-I'm going to see Erin.

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Are you OK?

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Do I look like it?! Can you get me out?

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It's not that simple...

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I was talking to Vlad!

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He's right. It's complicated.

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Not from where I am. You open the cage, I run away.

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-End of.

-I just can't right now.

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Some boyfriend you are.

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I've been begging Dad to choose someone else

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but he's determined.

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I will find a way to get you out of this. I promise.

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My friends. I'd like to extend to you the warmest of welcomes.

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But it won't be as warm as the welcome

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we'll be giving the half fang!

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LAUGHTER

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Where's Vladdy?

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Seen the time?

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-Shouldn't you be doing the meet and greet at Dad's feast?

-In a minute.

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-There must be a way to save Erin in one of these.

-I'll look if you want.

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Why would you do that?

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She did rescue me when I was ill.

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OK, thanks.

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Enjoy.

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Will you cheer up?

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You can't let the Count see you fretting over Erin.

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He has to believe that you're fine with it.

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But time's running out to save her.

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-Then maybe you have to face the fact that...

-I'm not...

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Everything all right, Vladdy?

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-No second thoughts about my little celebration?

-Not at all.

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Just going to get a case of Chateau Peasant.

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-'42.

-That's the one.

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Guess who's found a way to save Erin.

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I have to kiss you?

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Technically, I have to kiss you.

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Are you using a desperate situation to get a cheap snog?

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It's ancient vampire lore,

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a kiss from the Chosen One will protect you from the flames.

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OK then. Best just go for it.

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Yep.

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Vlad.

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Your lips were warm.

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They can't be unless...

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Unless you're a breather!

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I should've told you. I'm so sorry.

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How did I not know?

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Why?

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My brother's been bitten and I need to find a cure for him.

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If I could find a cure anywhere, it would be with the Draculas.

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You could've been honest with me!

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I was scared.

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I told you I want humans and vampires to live together.

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I trusted you and you lied to me.

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But I didn't know you like I do now.

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Anyway, you were trusting me with a secret,

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I would have been trusting you with my life.

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You can't just leave me to burn...

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Vlad, help me. Please!

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I need some advice about maggots.

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Two minutes.

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Nothing like burning a half fang to brighten up your day!

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Well said, Vladdy. Drink.

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Master Wolfie! I did my best with him

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but I'm afraid you can't teach a young werewolf old tricks.

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Well he certainly looks the part.

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Hors d'oeuvre, Master Wolfie?

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Thank you. That was absolutely scrumptious.

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That's not what I told you to do!

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This is what I told you to do!

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HE SHOUTS THROUGH MOUTHFULS

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I'm sorely tempted to toast you as well as the half fang.

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It has to be that way, it is vampire law.

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No way around it?

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None. Rules are rules.

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There you are, Vlad.

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Apologies, I need to speak to my son urgently.

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I just saved you from a fate worse than staking.

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Augustus is such a bore.

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Enough to send anyone to sleep.

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Bring in the half fang!

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CHEERING

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Hold on, hold on.

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Before the climax of what has been a fantastic evening,

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I'd like to say a few words about the Count.

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The Count, my dad, has let me down.

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When I was growing up, he didn't warn me that not every vampire I met

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would have his charm, his charisma, his intellect...

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Everything I will become, I owe to him.

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Gentlemen, I give you my role model. My inspiration.

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My father.

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CHEERING

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-Now, bring on the half fang!

-Bring on the half fang!

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-What are you looking so pleased about?

-I've done a terrible thing.

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I told Vlad that a kiss from the Chosen One

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-would protect Erin from the flames.

-You what?

-He fell for it.

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He was still trying to stop it?

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Well, you know my brother.

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Vlad!

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I'll take her from here.

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Come on, half fang, out you come.

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Can I have the honour of throwing her in?

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Of course.

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-You have filled in all the forms, haven't you?

-Forms? What forms?

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Permission to burn a fellow vampire.

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I don't need permission.

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Yes, you do, Augustus said.

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What was it that you were saying about the forms?

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The Vampire High Council directive of 1832

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said that every feast must be sanctioned by them.

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-You're here, sanction it.

-It's not that simple, Dad.

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You need to fill in form 965 and have board approval.

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Oh really! This is ridiculous.

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He says failure to comply will result in ritual staking. I know...

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-Stupid burobats and their...

-Let's do it anyway.

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Red tape. Absolutely, get on with it.

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-On my count... One...

-One...

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-Two...

-Two...

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Three!

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-Three!

-Can I just have a quick...

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One moment.

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We've all had such a nice evening,

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no need to spoil it by upsetting the High Council.

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It's your party. You're the boss.

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What do I say...to them?

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Leave it to me.

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My apologies, gentlemen, it appears we have neglected

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filling in the appropriate forms to burn the half fang.

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I was telling him earlier...

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The penalty is ritual staking for all attending.

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The Draculas are not one to ruin people's entertainment,

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so we are leaving it to you - shall we proceed?

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I wouldn't.

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If there's more of this Chateau Peasant, what does it matter

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if the half fang doesn't burn?!

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Bring up a crate of Chateau Peasant, the '42.

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Well done, Vladdy.

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Well done.

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Come on.

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Have you any idea how terrifying that was?

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Yes, I do.

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I thought you were going to throw me in that fire.

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I had to take it to the edge or Dad would've worked out what I was up to.

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Why didn't you tell me the truth? I get why you didn't, but...

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I should've. I know. I was just so desperate to find a cure for Ryan.

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There isn't one, I've tried everything.

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Can you categorically tell me there isn't a cure?

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Well...no.

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Then I'm not going to give up.

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I've got to keep trying. He's my brother.

0:26:170:26:20

Is that the reason you stayed?

0:26:200:26:21

At first, but you're special, Vlad.

0:26:240:26:28

I believed you when you said you wanted humans and vampires

0:26:280:26:31

to live together.

0:26:310:26:32

My own kind are going to hate this idea

0:26:320:26:35

and will do everything they can to stop it.

0:26:350:26:37

Will you stay and help me?

0:26:390:26:40

Yes. Yes I will.

0:26:430:26:45

I'll always protect you, I promise.

0:26:450:26:49

You've got to be the sweetest vampire in the world.

0:26:510:26:54

Let's face it, there's not much competition.

0:26:550:26:58

Fresh start, yeah?

0:27:000:27:02

No more secrets?

0:27:020:27:04

No more secrets.

0:27:060:27:08

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:210:27:24

E-mail [email protected]

0:27:240:27:27

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