Whatever It Takes Young Dracula


Whatever It Takes

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EERIE MUSIC PLAYS

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THUNDER CLAPS

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SHE PRAYS IN LATIN

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It's not like I don't know what you're doing with that shrine.

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Does it make you feel guilty?

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I'm not the one who's been biting breathers. Get rid of it.

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-It's a vampire tradition. Ingrid said so.

-Don't make me tell you twice.

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You might want to do something about the bloodstain as well.

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There's a very bizarre individual

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-snooping around with a pair of binoculars.

-Was it a slayer?

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Has no-one told him it's rude to stare? I had to fly into a tree

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to escape his attentions. What are you reading?

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It's the Psychology Of War and Peace...

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Where does this infantile idealism emerge from?

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Certainly not me.

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Look at that! Pigeon droppings. Renfield!

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Was it a slayer or not?

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Yes, master?

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-Get this cleaned.

-Oh. Oh, certainly.

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Oh, er, Miss McCauley wants to see you. First thing.

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Ah.

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-Miss McCauley.

-Was it a slayer?

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Your enthusiasm is commendable,

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but leave the worrying to those who know how to handle it.

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OK?

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HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

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'For those of you who have never fought

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'a vampire firefight before, some crucial points to remember.'

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-I need to speak to you.

-Not now.

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You're going to be scared.

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Anyone who tells you differently is lying.

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The temptation will be to let fly with everything you've got,

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but if you fire a UV gun from a distance of 10 metres or more,

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you're wasting time and battery. Loss of battery is loss of life.

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File to the technical area.

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We're running out of time. Prepare the shooting range.

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-This is important.

-And you didn't think that was?

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-It's just that the peace process...

-Is finished.

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That's hardly Vlad's fault.

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I hope you're not suggesting that it was mine.

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They all know I was tricked into going. I had no choice.

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It was her or me.

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And Bertrand's been dusted for that.

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-That explains everything in this note.

-I'm not interested in any note, Jonno.

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-I'm interested in preparing for war.

-Just give him one more chance.

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If there is such a thing as an honourable vampire, it's him.

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He will do anything to avoid war.

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Anything?

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-Hail, the conquering hero comes.

-Aw!

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-It was nothing.

-Nothing.

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He single-handedly found

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and ousted the little feral who trapped us in the attic.

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-What a fellow, eh, Renfield?

-Super.

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It's what any son would do for a father, surely?

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Down the pleasure in one.

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-What's with the, um...?

-Plasma? I'm on a diet..

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Utterly tasteless, but...

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Cleansing. Come, come, come, come.

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Look, now, you're my son and I trust you.

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Do I look 608?

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This is where an incapacity to see one's reflection

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becomes a positive curse.

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You don't look a day over 400. And what's bought all this on anyway?

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-Here you are.

-The discovery that one has a long-lost son

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gives one something to live for.

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So it has nothing to do with a certain headteacher, then?

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For the last time! I'm not cross with you about Bertrand.

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-Get over it!

-Master Vlad... Oh!

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Off to his room, no doubt,

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to write bad poetry about the futility of war.

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-So it's true the Slayers Guild is rearming?

-Well, more fool them.

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Look. Look.

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-What?

-Nose hair!

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Does it show?

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Hi.

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There'll be a lot more blood spilt than that.

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-The slayers are preparing for war.

-But my note!

-It was ignored.

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They launch the attack tomorrow night... At seven.

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Unless... Unless what?

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What aren't you telling me? Come on, Jonno, we're friends.

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Neither of us want war. Agreed?

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So what would you be prepared to do to avert it?

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I've dusted Bertrand, what more do you want?

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-I'll do whatever it takes, you know that.

-Erin is still biting breeders.

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She's just doing it to get back at me.

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-My mother will agree to cancel the attack...

-That's great.

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On one condition.

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Which is?

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Dust Erin. With the slayers as witness.

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As proof of your commitment to the cause.

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-You're special, Vlad. I believed in you.

-I'll always protect you.

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-I promise.

-Does it make you feel guilty?

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Vlad, I need an answer.

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Yes...or no?

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-Mum's getting ready for the attack as we speak.

-Whatever it takes.

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-When?

-Tomorrow night. At the guild. We'll see you there.

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Jonno.

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For bat's sake, I heard it with my own ears.

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The slayers are attacking tomorrow night.

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Look, I haven't survived all these years by panicking every time

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the slayers have a hissy fit.

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Excuse me?

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-Father knows exactly what he's doing.

-I wasn't talking to you.

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-We need to make decisions.

-Yes, indeed we do.

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Ponytail or... Hanging free? What do we think?

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-Ponytail.

-Hanging free.

-Ponytail.

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This time tomorrow we could all be staked and all you can worry about

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is your wretched hair?!

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Ah, it won't be... Wretched?!

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It won't be "wretched" once we've washed in the remaining plasma,

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will it, Renfield?

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-Gives it more of a bounce, apparently.

-Yes, bounce.

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Right, to the salon!

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-Don't think I don't know what you're doing.

-What am I doing?

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Sucking up to him. You need to start thinking about whose side you're on.

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And I have to turn this place into a fortress.

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You're wasting your time.

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What was Jonno doing here tonight?

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How do you know about that?

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The slayer's preparing for war.

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He wants to prevent war, as do I.

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Have you already forgotten what you did to Bertrand?

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I did it for peace.

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Oh, he killed for peace(!) No further questions, M'lud.

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-I'll do it again if I have to.

-So who are you going to dust this time?

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'You can read my mind, can't you?'

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'I thought you cared about me.'

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'I care about what's going to become of you.'

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'Remember the girl you used to be?

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'Now see what you've turned into.

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'It's nothing to what awaits you.'

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'You're worried about one bloodstain now.

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'Wait till you're swimming in a sea of blood

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'and ever-desperate for more.

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'Destitute, homeless, living in the gutter.'

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Is this what you want?

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Is this the life you want to lead?

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-It can be avoided.

-How?

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You know how.

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When?

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Look at me.

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'Tomorrow night.'

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It will be quick and painless, I promise.

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'OK, I'll do it.'

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We strike at 1900 hours local time.

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Please synchronise all your attacks accordingly. Copy that.

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Keep all lines of communication open during the countdown to the attacks.

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Where's Jonno?

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There's no sign of him.

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Broken rear light on car registration

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Victor-Echo-five-three-Alpha- X-ray-Whiskey. Over.

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-Have you got your documents, please, sir?

-No, I don't.

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-I really don't have time for this.

-Sarge?

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What have we got here?

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You'd better come down to the station.

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You, erm...wanted to see me.

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-You're a little early, he's not here yet.

-Who's not here?

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The new science teacher.

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-I thought you'd want to be introduced.

-Hmm?

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No, no, I was just admiring your...

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Yes, it was a present.

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-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Knock-knock.

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Mr Count, let me introduce you to Mr Bertolini.

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-You look surprised, Mr Count.

-Yes. I feel I've seen you before.

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Mr Bertolini's family originate from Italy.

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HE YAWNS

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I'm so sorry.

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Really?

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You're wearing my gift.

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It's lovely, thank you.

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You know, you're a lucky man, Mr Count.

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-Am I?

-You have bats in the attic.

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I saw one last night hanging from the eaves.

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Mr Bertolini is a chiropterologist. It means he studied...

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Yes, I know what it means. Thank you.

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You know I've searched all 15 species native to Britain,

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-but I've never found one like I saw last night.

-No?

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Tadarida teniotis. Usually found only in Eastern Europe.

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-This could be a major discovery.

-Who'd have thought.

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-Our little school...

-Will be famous!

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-Once I've submitted my paper on the subject.

-Paper?

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To conduct my research,

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I'm going to need access to the roof and the attic.

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Now, I know you're very protective of your privacy, Mr Count...

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Sadly that is quite out of the question.

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Enjoy your time at the school, Mr...Butter-beanie...whatever.

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It will be very brief.

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Two detachments here and here to lure them on.

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-It's going to leave them very exposed, mistress.

-So?

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-They're expendable.

-What about the back stairs?

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That's where you come in, my lovelies.

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Careful with those gas bottles. To your positions.

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Meanwhile, I'll be waiting behind the door,

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ready to release the paralysing gas.

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-Aren't you forgetting something?

-What's that, mistress?

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What's to stop the gas from paralysing you too, you numbskull?

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Calls himself a lover of bats!

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Failing to realise the feeling is entirely unreciprocated.

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For evil's sake, we've got a war on our hands here

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and you're drifting around moping like a love-struck schoolboy.

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Far from moping, I'm plotting.

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I can't believe my father,

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the man who saw off the great warlock attack of the 1750s,

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is letting himself be hopelessly distracted by a brunette breather.

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In a cardigan.

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Mee-mee-mee-mee... Malik!

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Time to go into action.

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Come on. I have a school project for you.

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I'll teach that bat-fancier who he's messing with.

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Oh, and don't get caught.

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I'm glad you're here. It's just that Roberto...

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-THE COUNT SNIFFS

-Roberto?

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-Mr Bertolini.

-What about him?

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Well, he's immensely excited about the bat colony in the roof.

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Allow me.

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Urgh!

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I thought I made my feelings plain in that regard.

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He believes there are grounds to make the building

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a site of special scientific interest.

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It would make us eligible for a grant to pay for repairs to the roof.

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Is that a fact?

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Miss McCauley, you're needed.

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-Something's happened.

-Right.

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Hello, hello?

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-It's supposed to be a completely safe experiment...

-Tut-tut!

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-Oh, my word.

-Please, wake up.

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Please, wake up.

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I feel we have little choice but to report this

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to the health and safety executive.

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A sacking offence, sadly.

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Thank goodness. Are you all right?

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Perhaps we can let you off with a warning this time. Everybody OK?

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-Everybody all right?

-Oh, yes, fine.

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Malik!

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You idiot. This is not the time to be indulging in Dad's undead love life

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and wasting valuable ammunition.

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This is war. We need to concentrate.

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Lighten up, sis. Brainbox here has got plenty more.

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-In battle, you can't afford to take anything for granted.

-That's right.

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We have to prepare for the unexpected.

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Now get into your positions.

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And that includes you, too.

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Since when did I take orders from a child?

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Left to you, we'd end up getting staked.

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You have yet to learn the meaning of the word "respect".

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Mrs Van Helsing.

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-Still no sign?

-Nothing.

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The child's disappearance

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has proved that a vampire is never to be trusted.

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Last night he went in peace. His failure to return demands vengeance.

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You know the best thing about battle?

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The smell of fear.

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-Scare them witless and the battle's half won.

-Try telling that to Vlad.

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-All his talk of peace.

-It's just his way of covering up his cowardice.

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We're well shot of him.

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Give me vampires who crave violence, who burn blood and drink deep.

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What are you staring at?

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Can I have a battle costume?

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What's so funny?

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The very idea.

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Renfield is the brains of the operation.

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Aren't you, Renfield?

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Uh-huh.

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And as such, should be regarded with unreserved respect.

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-Since when?

-Since I said so.

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Now, go and check on the Vampettes.

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And no flirting.

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To work.

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HE SNARLS

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THEY SNARL

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People are going to die if you insist on keeping me here.

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I've had enough of this. Get me a lawyer.

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I've had the report back from Forensics.

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The canister in question does indeed contain garlic gas.

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Seemed to think you might be

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a contestant on MasterChef or something.

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All right, you got me.

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-It was supposed to be a secret, but now you know.

-And the stakes?

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For toasting marshmallows.

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-Please.

-All right. There's nothing I can charge you with.

0:19:330:19:38

You're letting me go?

0:19:380:19:39

You need to bring your documents back here to the station

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within the next seven days.

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Thank you.

0:19:430:19:44

It's time.

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Let's get this over with.

0:19:580:20:00

Where is everyone?

0:20:110:20:13

It's too quiet for my liking.

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Ssh!

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CREAKING

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FOOTSTEPS

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-HE GASPS

-Hello.

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Search him.

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-He's unarmed.

-Where are the others?

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The others?

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-The other slayers - where are they?

-Slayers?

0:21:180:21:22

-I was just trying to get them to...

-Seize him.

0:21:220:21:25

-She came willingly.

-Of course she did.

0:21:280:21:31

ELECTRONIC WHIRRING

0:21:310:21:34

LOUD CRACKLING

0:21:360:21:38

Switch off the UV cage.

0:21:460:21:49

Do it!

0:21:500:21:51

'Help me. I'm sorry. I don't have any choice.

0:21:570:22:01

'I will always love you.'

0:22:010:22:03

I'll never forget you.

0:22:030:22:06

Stop!

0:22:060:22:08

What's happened to all of us?

0:22:110:22:15

I thought you wanted peace?

0:22:150:22:17

-Give that here!

-SHE SNARLS

0:22:240:22:27

No!

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ELECTRONIC WHOOSHING

0:22:310:22:34

I'm sorry, Jonno.

0:22:580:23:00

Come on.

0:23:000:23:01

-Mum?

-Where am I?

0:23:040:23:06

You've been mind-wiped.

0:23:060:23:09

Do I know you?

0:23:090:23:11

I'm trying to find them.

0:23:290:23:32

This is no army of slayers.

0:23:340:23:37

You've gone a bat too far, Mr Butter Bean.

0:23:400:23:43

-Ah, Mr Count.

-Ssh! Ssh! Ssh! Ssh.

0:23:430:23:46

You will return to your bed

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and when you wake up, all this will be but a bad dream. Ba-ba-ba...

0:23:510:23:57

And, on waking, you will feel an overwhelming urge

0:23:580:24:03

to tender your immediate resignation to Miss McCauley.

0:24:030:24:09

Is that clear?

0:24:110:24:13

Right, there's nothing to see here.

0:24:260:24:28

It's over.

0:24:280:24:31

HE CHUCKLES

0:24:320:24:35

Well, so much for you and your...

0:24:370:24:41

war.

0:24:410:24:43

HE GUFFAWS

0:24:450:24:48

Bye-bye, Butter Beany.

0:24:480:24:50

Hello, Miss McCauley.

0:24:500:24:52

My dear Miss McCauley,

0:24:590:25:02

I understand Mr Bertolini has tendered his resignation.

0:25:020:25:07

I'm so deeply sorry.

0:25:080:25:10

More sincerity. Yes, more sincerity, you fool!

0:25:100:25:14

Right, you know...

0:25:150:25:17

-Miss McCauley, I...

-Oh!

0:25:190:25:22

Mr Bertolini has been telling me all about his alarming dream last night.

0:25:220:25:25

You know, you were in it, Mr Count. Very strange.

0:25:250:25:28

-He said you had resign, apparently.

-Did I really?

0:25:280:25:33

Dreams can be the most peculiar things sometimes, can't they?

0:25:330:25:36

Indeed. Indeed.

0:25:360:25:38

-Perhaps you'd like to join us?

-Mmm!

0:25:390:25:42

Roberto has made the most wonderful lunch.

0:25:420:25:44

Spaghetti al olio!

0:25:440:25:46

It's pasta, some basil, olive oil, a little red chilli

0:25:460:25:50

and, of course, plenty of fresh garlic.

0:25:500:25:52

I'm more of a carnivore myself.

0:25:540:25:58

Excuse me.

0:25:580:25:59

Right.

0:26:070:26:09

Where are you going?

0:26:180:26:21

It's getting dark, and I'm feeling peckish.

0:26:220:26:26

Have you learned ANYTHING?

0:26:260:26:28

Have you forgotten the future that awaits you?

0:26:280:26:31

I intend to embrace it.

0:26:310:26:33

It's a shame you can't see yourself in the mirror.

0:26:330:26:36

-You might just see what you've become.

-Everything I've ever done,

0:26:360:26:40

I've done for peace.

0:26:400:26:41

A dictator, as corrupt as those he seeks to oppose

0:26:410:26:45

and, even in that, you fail,

0:26:450:26:48

because Jonno wasn't mind-wiped, was he? How come?

0:26:480:26:52

It says in the book. You can't mind-wipe someone you care about.

0:26:520:26:56

-He's your enemy.

-Used to be!

0:26:560:26:59

Things change.

0:26:590:27:01

You used to be my friend.

0:27:050:27:07

You seriously think Jonno will stay your friend after what you've done?

0:27:070:27:13

He'll be thirsting for vengeance.

0:27:130:27:15

Factor that into your peace process.

0:27:150:27:18

I need my dinner.

0:27:180:27:21

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