Episode 10 Angry Boys

This programme contains very strong language and adult humour.

Get off! Piss off, bitch! Fuck off!

-I'm sleeping on it.

-It's not fair.

-Well, I got here first.

I'm going to sleep, everyone, so...

DANIEL: 'I worked out that this thing, right,

'that if your family thinks you're asleep,

'then they say shit about you.'

Going to sleep, everyone.

'So what I've started doing is, I, like, fake being asleep.'

So I acts like I'm asleep, just faking it.

And if you fake it for long enough your family starts talking about you.

Guys, I'm asleep.

So if you want to talk about me or whatever,

I'm not going to hear it because I'm asleep, OK?

DANIEL: 'I'm actually really good at acting asleep,

'so I know all the things to do to act it.

'So you snore.'

HE SNORES

'You sort of make a weird noise like as if you're asleep.

'And just keep your eyes really still.

'And then, man, my family can't help themselves.'

Tys. Tys. Tyson.

Just talk about whatever, mate.

Like, Mum was going on about...

Cos I was trying out for Dunt footy team, right,

and she goes to Nath, "I don't reckon Daniel's going to make it

"because he's not that good this year."

And I was fucking pissed off.

-Mum.

-There's no need to...

I'm asleep, so whatever you say I probably won't hear it, so...

SOFT VOICES

What?!

What did you say?

Mum?

-LASQUISHA:

-Tell us about your exciting new music

and your album launch.

Well, yeah, I get out of here in one week, motherfuckers.

And then I'm going to have my showcase.

And my new album's going to be called The Real Me. Yeah.

Read that shit.

Oh.

What message do you have for all your hatters?

What the fuck?

It's "haters", not "hatters". Read that shit.

Read it.

What message do you have for all your haters?

You want to do this shit or not? You said you wanted to do this shit.

You know what? I DON'T want to do this. I already told you, I don't want to fucking do it.

-Why'd you say you want to do this shit if you...

-I don't fucking want to do it. It's dumb.

SMOUSE: 'I'm getting my shit on for my album launch.

'I got Lasquisha, she going to be my backup dancer.

'I got Danthony, he going to be looking after the music side and shit.'

Are you ready for something really motherfucking exciting?

Here it is, here.

Here, motherfuckers, here, the resurrection is here.

S-dot-mouse-exclamation-mark is back.

The future has arrived, motherfuckers!

SMOUSE: 'But I want my show to be tight, you know?

'I'm gonna come on stage, blow all them motherfuckers' minds.

'They're gonna know that the King of Hip-Hop is back.'

Freeze that shit there, baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you ready for me to play my new shit?

Play that track, Danthony.

Yeah, we'll go on from there.

'People are going to be talking about my album launch'

like it's the resurrection of some kind of...person,

you know what I'm saying?

Like, it's going to be so big, bigger than when Jesus got born,

you know what I'm saying?

Look at my ass in that shit.

'I come up with a lot of ideas to revolutionise my act.'

You got to start with clothes, you know?

When you're talking image, you're talking clothes.

I'm going for a tight-fitting bold colour, as you can see.

Tight at the bottom and they're kind of loose at the top.

You walk on stage with this look, which mother-fucker wearing this shit?

No mother-fucker.

Kids, they're going to be wearing this shit

in a couple of years from now, maybe even one year from now.

I got S-dot-mouse-exclamation-mark embroiderised on the back there,

you know what I'm saying?

-Imagine that on the cover of the album.

-Nobody could get away with that.

-Look at that shit.

S-dot-mouse-exclamation-mark is back,

and he is some crazy, futuristic motherfucking nigga,

you know what I'm saying?

Rather than going for the two ski boots I just got the one ski boot,

you know what I'm saying?

You got the one glove, you know? Just rock it with the one, you know?

He's just silver, you know? He's a silver guy.

No, he's not, he's red.

That shit look tight.

I'm here. I'm here.

You got to think outside the square if you want to be remembered.

One, two, bam!

Yes.

-PENNY:

-'We were on yard duty, Gran and I,

'when the boys let us know what was going on.'

I had to stay, so Gran ran back to the house with the boys from pig duty.

'And unfortunately it was a grim discovery.'

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, no!

Oh, Kerri-Anne!

-JACOB:

-Just found her like that, Gran.

We were feeding the pigs and we just found her like that.

GRAN: 'Well, I've had to hold things together this morning

'for the sake of keeping face.'

But Kerri-Anne, no, she was the one.

She was, um...

I think, of all of them to go, that's probably been the hardest one.

So...

'I think only Penny knows how much that guinea pig meant to me.

'So, yeah, I mean, a little emotional this morning,

'and...try to remind myself that it's just an animal.'

Looks like someone did it on purpose, I reckon.

Let's not jump to conclusions, fellas, anything could have happened.

'The boys think Talib's involved, cos of his history.'

I don't think he is. My gut tells me he's not involved.

'The problem's going to be trying to maintain control.

'I don't think the boys are going to handle this thing very well at all.'

-JACOB:

-What happened when you was at Gran's house before?

-KERRY:

-These bikes, can they go?

DANIEL: 'Mum and Steve are, like, freaking out about the wedding.

'They're all, like, nervous and getting all shitty about it.'

-Where have you two been?

-Town.

Daniel, you're supposed to be helping us.

'It's like they think the whole world

'revolves around them and their wedding.

'But I don't really give a shit.'

We've got a wedding on tomorrow.

Cos today this awesome thing happened in town, right? This truck ran off the main road,

smashed through this fence

and came about that close

to demolishing this house and killing all the people inside.

Fuck, man!

'Me and Black Daniel came up with this idea, right?

'You know how the Legends are coming to Nath's farewell party?'

Well, Gran, she's got RSVP'd from Blake Oakfield and Tim Okazaki,

so we know they're definitely coming for sure.

But Smouse, she hasn't heard from him yet.

Imagine, like, getting squashed by that. Oh, fuck!

'So me and Black Daniel were thinking that we'd come up with this idea that we write to him

'and we say that this little kid

'got squashed by a truck that ran off the road.

'Like, we just bullshit and tell him that that happened.'

We're going to make it an Aboriginal kid, just to make it...

We'll say this abo kid, right, got squashed by the truck

and we really need Smouse to come to Dunt to, like,

help us all get over it and shit.

-Aborigine kid.

-Right, here we go.

-What about that one, dot face?

-Um... No, no.

-Is that a dude or...

-I'm not quite sure.

-What about this one?

-Yeah.

-He looks the best.

-Yeah, that's a good one!

Imagine if you found out that kid got squashed,

you'd be here in a flash, man.

Right, I'll go through the letter.

"Dear Smouse, last night a tragedy happened.

"A little Aborigine kid got squashed by a truck."

Um, do we give him a name?

What about..."Wally"?

-That's fucking... That's ridiculous, man.

-Yeah, that'll work for sure.

-Wally.

"His name was Wally and he was seven.

"Please can you come to Dunt and visit us to help us cope?

"We've already invited you to my twin brother Nathan's party.

"He's deaf and he's being sent away to deaf school

"and he loves your music.

"Even though he's deaf he listens to the vibrations through the speakers.

"If you come you'll help the grieving town of Dunt

"get over the loss of a little Aborigine boy called Wally."

-Yes.

-Awesome.

-Dude, that is so going to work.

-Should we send it?

-Yeah.

-Sent. There we go.

Sweet. This is fucking sick.

GRAN: Make sure we go deep enough.

Right, OK, pop her in, thanks, Talib.

SHE SIGHS

See you, darling.

OK.

Nice one, dog wanker, you killed Gran's favourite thing.

Stop it. He had nothing to do with it.

If you want to spend the afternoon in Isolation, you're going the right way about it.

Be sensible for my sake, please.

GRAN: 'I tried to keep the burial as low-key as possible.

'Didn't want to make a big fuss.'

All right.

'So far so good with the Talib situation.

'There's been a few whispers amongst the boys,'

but, you know, fingers are being pointed a little bit,

but I just hope that it doesn't escalate.

Whoever wants to play Twister, come and line up here, please.

Talib, I'll get you playing, please.

'My real concern is that if Talib retaliates to the provocation,'

he might find himself in Iso,

and that would not be a good place for him at this stage.

Right, Marlon's playing. That's the four of us, then.

-That's the team. Right.

-Hey, Doggie.

-What happened to Kerri-Anne, mate?

-What did you do to her?

-Shoosh, please, Marlon.

-Up the arse?

-MARLON AND JACOB LAUGH

-Come on, you're supposed to be good at this.

-It's easy.

-Talib, you have your go, mate.

-Hey!

-What did you get?

-My go, fucker.

-Why is it your go?

Cos it goes clockwise. Don't you remember that, Gran?

All right, just let him go. It goes clockwise.

-Burk-burk-burk-burk!

-What did you get?

Come on, speak, boy. Bark. Come on. Bark.

-Leave him alone.

-Don't you remember how to bark?

-All right, you got feet, green.

-He does know, remember?

-And hands, blue.

-He knows how to whimper.

Hey, man, get your dick out of my face.

-Leave him alone.

-Did you put the finger up her arsehole?

Shoosh!

-Chill out, you two.

-Tell him to play properly.

-I'm trying to play fucking Twister.

-He is playing properly.

Leave him alone.

Talib, got a new name for you. the guinea raper.

Cos I reckon you fucked Kerri-Anne before you killed her.

Jacob, shoosh.

-Thought I saw sperm on her.

-Guys.

Talib, leave him alone.

YELLING

-Settle down!

-Get off him, Brad! Brad, get off him!

Get down! Get down!

YELLING

You bloody deserved that, Marlon!

-MARLON:

-Get off me!

-BRAD:

-I told you to settle down.

-I've just about had enough of you.

-Shut up, everyone!

SMOUSE: 'Yeah, yeah, this is the all-important photo shoot'

for the album cover for The Real Me, my new independent release.

You give me directions, nigga. Yeah, what you want.

-LASQUISHA:

-Take your glasses off.

-DANTHONY:

-I want you to flex.

You like that shit? Yeah, that's the album cover!

-DANTHONY:

-Bam!

-That's the album cover, yeah.

Yeah, take that shit.

-Question shit. You gotta question shit.

-There we go.

-Yeah.

-Nobody's doing this, baby.

-No-one's doing this shit.

-Nobody.

Cos that shit is from the future, if you know what I'm saying.

-Yeah, that shit!

-Let's open up those flaps.

Babe, you take these.

'The nipple shirt is a kind of iconic look,

'if you know what I'm saying.

'I think it's going to take off with the kids.'

-Motherfucking...

-OK.

That's a fucking great idea.

-Yes!

-Look at me, man, like you want to kill the camera, yo.

Yeah, I wanna kill you, nigga, yeah.

'Fashion. You got to be fashion forward in this industry.'

You can never have too much silver in the future.

'You got to make shit up that don't exist, if you know what I'm saying.'

-Yeah, how am I looking, babe?

-You look good.

Turn around. Act surprised. Bam!

-What about some kind of smooth shit?

-Yeah.

-Two, three.

-Jump.

Jump. And jump.

Jump. Yes.

-Want to do a lying-down shot. Take that, babe.

-OK.

-A centrefold?

Yeah, a centrefold kind of thing,

like fold-out in the middle of the CD.

How's that shit?

Move around a little bit.

-Is that good?

-There you go.

-Yeah, what about a bit of fist?

-That works, that works.

-Yeah.

HELICOPTER WHIRRS

What the fuck?

Look at that shit. Why is that motherfucker so low?

Y'all tripping. That ain't no paparazzi, bro.

Keep posing, man.

This could be like a fold-out or a poster or some shit,

you know what I'm saying?

Get my feet too. Feet to head, yeah.

'Well, Talib's got himself two days of isolation for the fight, which has been a real tragedy.'

It's going to be quite a setback for him

when he was just starting to find his feet.

'I've spoken to Julie about doing the initial eight-hour shift on Iso,

'just to ease Talib into it.'

Not exactly five-star, is it?

'It can be fairly tricky first time round.

'It's not a fun place to be.

'I usually avoid the Iso shift'

cos it brings back a lot of bad memories for me.

That's where I lost my Tony 15 years ago.

And yes, you never forget them.

Hi, Justin. Right, I'm on tonight.

So if there's anything you need, I'm here for you.

Within reason, that is.

All right.

'Looks like I've got two non-talkers in tonight.

'Justin's not a happy camper at all.

'Yes, with he and Talib giving me the mister silent treatment

'looks like it's going to be quite a long shift.

'But I'll do my best to keep them entertained.'

And that's when I left boarding school,

which was not...not fun times.

All right, joke time. Joke time.

Um, OK.

How many Iso kids does it take to cook a lamington?

Two. One to cook it and the other to tell you to fuck off.

SHE LAUGHS

All right. What else?

# You've done me wrong Your time is up

# You took a sip, just a sip From the devil's cup. #

What other jokes do I know?

Jokes, jokes, jokes.

Hey, fellas, did you want anything from the wine cellar?

I'll just go down and get it. SHE HALF-LAUGHS

Um, how do you root a prison officer?

Actually, I don't... I don't know the answer to that one.

I'm just thinking. Trying to think of jokes that would appeal to you.

Guys, it's freezing in here.

Extra blankets, Talib.

Come and grab 'em.

Don't know why it's so cold in here tonight.

There you go. Take a couple of those so you don't get itchy.

Right.

Pop those on. It's freezing. You freezing?

Are you tired?

Go to sleep if you're tired. Don't stay up for my sake.

Night-night.

-TYSON:

-Follow me, Jamie!

-It's shitty, this game.

-Jamie, will you get ready, please?!

Boys, can you look after Kayden?

DANIEL: 'Today's the day for Mum and Steve's wedding.

'Me and Nath are best men, so fair bit of responsibility there.'

Oi, is that straight?

'We had to wear suits.

'Nath's got one of Dad's old suits on.

'I got my suit that we bought for my Year 10 social,

'but yeah, that's before I had me growth spurt.'

Oi, Mum!

The suit's too small. It's dividing my balls.

NATHAN LAUGHS Shut the fuck up! At least I don't look like a clown, dickhead.

'Oh, Nath's had the funniest idea.'

Like, he's going to give Steve the rings, right?

Nath, do the ring thing.

'But he reckons he's going to give them to Steve in the ceremony

'on his middle fingers.'

Can't believe you thought of that shit! You're a funny bastard, Nath.

'And I'm pretty excited after,

'cos I'm looking after wedding entertainment.

'So, yeah, got a few things planned.

'Me and my mates will be doing some stuff there, so, yeah, should be good.'

-No fuckin' way. Get that shit off.

-It looked good.

He's a fucking bloke dog. He's not wearing flowers. Stick it on Fuckos.

All right, guys, when Mum comes in, you've got to say she looks nice.

That's what you're supposed to say to brides, OK?

-No way. YOU say it.

-Fucking say it or I'll punch you.

-You too, Nathan.

-Can't see.

-Don't fucking forget.

Guys, the guests are here. You should be outside.

-You like quite nice in that...outfit. What do you guys reckon?

-Thanks, Dan.

-JULIA:

-Yeah, Mum, you look good.

-Yep. Yep.

-Fucking say it.

You're a little fuckwit, Nathan. I told you.

-Oh, Daniel, not today.

-What? I'm the fucking nice one.

Fuck! Thanks for getting me in trouble, dickhead.

HE CHUCKLES

Motherfuck!

'Yeah, I'm pissed off.'

It turns out that that helicopter that went over my house

was the paparazzi.

-DANTHONY:

-"Slap my fat gut."

-That shot ain't real. That ain't real.

-That shit there.

-That definitely ain't real, man.

-They fucked with that shit.

Now they're saying lies about me. They say I got fat since I been locked up.

-"Lose some weight, nigga."

-Motherfuck.

"I used to have a crush on you. Now you could probably crush me.

"It's over, fat-ass."

Fuck you. Delete that shit.

What the fuck? Anyone who believes that shit is a mother-ass-fucker.

I got to say there, junior,

that the size of your meal portions lately has increased significantly.

-What the fuck?!

-Look, you're 25 years old.

Your metabolism is slowing down. You got to watch your weight.

Do you not understand that this shit is fake?

They made that shit.

They fucked with the photo to make me look fat to diss me.

It's motherfucking fake!

No, it's motherfucking denial, is what it is.

See, you need to get off this motherfucking scooter some time, man,

and engage in some incidental exercises

for the first time in your life.

Can you shut up? Can you shut up while I'm dealing with this shit?

You don't look this good at the age of 62

from sitting on your ass, that's all I'm saying.

-That's all I'm saying.

-Motherfuck.

You're gonna look like the Michelin Man in a minute.

It's a motherfucking fake photo.

Get that in your head and don't give me your shit.

Motherfuck!

What's going on? Excuse me, what's going on?

Who is it? Who is it? I'm Ruth Sims, I'm a senior officer here!

Talib!

-PENNY:

-'We got the call at 3:00am, and we just ran.

'The duty officer just told us

'that there'd been a suicide attempt in isolation and an ambulance had been called.'

Oh, Talib! Are you OK? Are you all right?

-What happened? Is it Justin? BRAD:

-It's Justin Keast.

He's tried to hang himself with a blanket.

I looked away for one minute and I don't know what happened.

Oh, no. Did he see anything?

-No, no, he was asleep.

-You were asleep, were you?

The ambos reckon he's going to be all right, though.

-They think he'll be OK?

-They reckon he'll be fine.

-That's a relief.

Thank God.

We've got to get you sorted.

You can't put him back in Iso, though.

No, God, no, he's not going back to Iso.

You're going back to your own cell tonight.

I don't know why there was blankets in there anyway.

-Any idiot knows there's no blankets and sheets in Isolation.

-Yeah.

True.

OK, we'll get you back to your cell.

-WOMAN:

-And it's a love that Kerry and Steve

wanted you all here today to witness.

The bond of marriage is an important commitment to one another,

a promise to love and care for each other for the rest of your lives.

And so it's at this point in the ceremony

that I ask our best man, Nathan, to pass us the rings.

DANIEL: 'I thought the wedding was going to be boring as,

'but it was pretty fun.

'Like, the ring thing, when Nath did the ring thing,'

I pissed my pants, man, it was so fucking funny.

'Like, I couldn't stop laughing.'

And me and my mates, like, we knew it was coming.

But we were pissing ourselves.

..husband and wife.

'It was good after, cos I got to give a speech.

'Then me and my mates did the wedding entertainment.'

Um...yeah, when I first met Steve I thought he was a bit of a dickhead.

And if my real dad was here I reckon he'd be pretty pissed off.

But, um, yeah, once you get to know Steve he's all right.

And I reckon my dad would want my mum to be happy,

so...so welcome to the family, Steve,

and Kayden and Fuckos.

Now we will continue with the wedding entertainment

that me and my mates have planned.

First up, it's me and Nathan with freestyle rapping.

Go. HE BEATBOXES

# Yeah Yeah

# Marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage

# Steve, Steve, I wanted you to leave

# But you stayed for ages Like dogs in cages

# Yeah Yeah

# Mum, Mum, we know you're not dumb

# But you told us you liked Steve You didn't want him to leave

# Mum, Mum Wedding, wedding

# Where is this heading?

# Yeah Yeah

# Yeah. #

Now, as I continue rapping, I want you to look around,

cos we got some more wedding entertainment, me and my mates.

# It's Black Daniel with the BMX

# Yeah Yeah

# Turn around, because it's Loki and a skating demo on the skate ramp

# Go, Loki

# Yeah, yeah Please look up to the roof

# Because it's Jayden and a parkour demo

# Yeah, yeah

# Wedding, wedding Where is this heading?

# Mum and Steve! Mum and Steve!

# Steve, Steve What's up your sleeve?

# Marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage

# Yeah. # Stop.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

SMOUSE: Listen, all you fans, you got to hear this.

I am not fat, OK?

You don't believe the shit that you read.

I may have stacked on a tiny little bit of weight since I been locked up,

but I'm not as fat as them motherfuckers say I am.

They fucked with that photo. Look, motherfucker.

Does that look like fat to you?

That ain't fucking fat, you know what I'm saying?

'I had to post a video blog to clear the air.'

My real fans, they sticking by me.

They sending me positive messages.

They give me a boost cos they know I'm hurting.

"I love you, Smouse, and your music.

"Even if you get really fat, I still love you."

-That shit ain't bad.

-It's not good, though.

-Let me see.

-Any other shit in there?

No.

Oh, wait. No, no, no, no.

-What the fuck did that say?

-Nothing, nothing.

HE LAUGHS What's funny, motherfucker?

Haters, bro, don't worry, don't worry.

That seems to be the only good one on this page, man.

Got to be some more shit in there.

Ooh, OK, wait, hold up. We got this kid from Australia, dog.

He doesn't say anything about you being fat,

but he says some nice shit.

-Look.

-Read that shit out.

He's got a twin brother. He loves my music.

Wants me to go to Australia

cos a little black kid got squashed by a truck.

Man, that's fucking sick. Show me that picture.

Oh, fuck, man, what a waste!

Read me some more positive shit.

You're getting me down right now, motherfucker.

MESSAGE TONE

What the fuck?

What the fuck?!

Lasquisha, she's dumping my ass!

She's dumping me.

"I've been giving so much of myself to you lately

"I didn't even notice how fat you got yourself.

"I don't want to be associated with a fat-ass nigga.

"I'm moving on, Smouse. Good luck with all your shit."

Smiley face. What the fuck is that?

-That's fucked up.

-She's dumping me cos I'm fat?

Hey, son, if you ask me,

that chipmunk-sounding bitch did you a huge-ass favour.

-The fuck!

-She ain't nothing but a gold-digging bitch.

You think that's what I want to hear right now, motherfucker?

That's not helpful.

Hey, look, there was a time when your mamma gained all that weight

and I was thinking about dumping her ass.

I probably should have.

-Could you shut the fuck up, please?

-It's going to be all right.

But I understand how she feel. Nobody like laying up next to a big ol' fat-ass.

Shut the fuck up!

Man!

Look, we've got to address what happened.

-You were the one, I think, that gave them these extra sheets.

-Yes, I did.

-I gave them a few, yes.

-A few?

I've been told enough to cover them five times over. Now, look, really...

The heating must have been out down there, cos...

We should look into that, cos they were very cold.

-Hey, come on.

-I just wanted to help them.

You know that the rule is that they have to have non-dangerous sheets.

It's just unaccept... It's unbelievable.

It was a very silly... silly mistake. I...

I've never felt more terrible about something, Julie.

I feel terrible.

You're going to have to tell me what's going on here.

You've left keys in the detainees' cells.

You've been turning up late for shifts. You've forgotten shifts.

You even forgot your performance review last week.

What is going on?

I don't know. I just... I'm making silly mistakes.

Look, I've got to put the boys first. You know that.

Yes, I understand that.

You know that the next step for me

is that I have to call in the department.

I'd rather you didn't...

..do that, because I...

I'm sorry, but you're going to have to talk to them.

Do you think they'll send me away?

-SHE SIGHS

-Look, don't make this any harder. I...I hope not. I really hope not.

I don't want to go.

SMOUSE: 'Tonight is my album launch, my showcase.'

I got my trademark dance move. That's that shit there.

# Get your dick out my shoulders... #

-MAN:

-Slap your elbows, asshole!

I'm sensing some hate in the room.

Maybe my new album is bad.

-DANTHONY:

-He's had an epiphany.

Some nigga got squashed in Australia.

# I feel like a squashed nigga. #

DANIEL: We've got Nath's farewell party this weekend.

Make waves!

-Is it sign language?

-Did he say "dick"?

LAUGHTER

Three celebrities come to Dunt, I'll buy you a car.

You will be. They will be coming.

JEN: Tim!

He spent all his time with her, leaving a mess for me to clean up.

That's for you, slut.

We'll lose a lot of money over this.

I'm fucking pissed off.

"Fuck you, Tim. I'm off to kill myself and the dog."

Everyone freaks out when you're not around.

-Let's go home, Mum.

-No.

I'm a Japanese lady.

Sometimes it's hard to stand up for myself.

I'm going to start an internet rumour you had sex with your own dead mother

up the arse!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE GRAN: Oh, wowee!

Your mamma's getting horny. She won't fuck with you in the house.

-How are you?

-Good one, Steve.

Shut the fuck up and deal with it yourself.