Episode 6 Angry Boys

This programme contains very strong language.

'Steve's been such a dickhead lately. He gets pissed off at me

'no matter what I do.'

-Daniel! Don't spit on your brother.

-I'm not spitting on him.

It's spit strings. I'm not actually touching him. It's just a game.

'And sometimes, like, my brothers are in pain,'

doesn't mean they're not enjoying themselves.

See, that's what happens cos you moved your head, man.

'Steve doesn't even know how to have fun.

'Like, Nath did stink cups on him.

'He didn't even laugh.'

Oi, Steve, does this smell weird?

Ah!

-Fucking funny, mate.

-Disgusting little pigs!

'Yeah, he just doesn't get that it's just family stuff.

'Just part of being in the Sims family.'

-Give me the remote.

-No, I'm using it.

No, just give it to me.

-Do you want it?

-Yeah, give it to me.

-You want it?

Well, just get it yourself.

Just reach in and get it. This is where I like to keep.

You want it, just reach in.

-Give me back the remote.

-Really want it? Do you want the remote?

-Don't be childish. Give it back.

-Did you want it? Just reach in.

-Put it...

-All you have to do, Stevie.

-It's all you have to do.

-Just hand me the remote control.

-Just one little...

-Just...

Oh, Steve just tried to molest me. See that, Mum?

'I'm just trying to make him be...

'Like, get the ways of our family,

'and he needs to just get a sense of humour.'

Daniel, stop it! Just... You just never give up, do you?

Ooh, he tried to touch my arse, Mum.

-You never give up.

-He tried to touch my arse.

He'll think our family is weird, the way you carry on.

It's just weird.

All I'm saying, Mum, is that's weird.

You crossed the line, Steve.

I'm not going to go on with this, Daniel. Just...

(Pretend you're asleep.)

I know you're faking it.

'Kareena's been on my case heaps lately.

'She reckons I'm not doing anything,

'or I'm hanging round the house heaps.'

-Kareena's fat.

-What?

-I'm sleep-talking.

'She's been giving me heaps of grief lately'

about spending too much time with Hunter,

She reckons we don't do anything productive.

-Am I...a chick?

-No.

'It's bullshit, because she doesn't see half the shit we do.'

The thing is, with a tatt, you can't get something too...

that will date.

'She hates me hanging out with the Mucca Mad Boys.

'What she doesn't get is my gang responsibilities.'

No, stand your ground, mate. We'll see you at the beach.

She thinks it's easy being me, but it's actually not.

Where were ya? Where were ya?

-How many you got to go?

-Um...

'Me and Hunter have been busy,

'coming up with a money spinner idea.'

Do that again.

It's a fitness and nutrition surfing course.

It's called Fat Boys, for young fat dudes that want to get into surfing

and want to get up on a wave.

I'm actually... I'm stoked that we got seven bookings.

-Who are they?

-Just random fat dudes.

They stay here. We got dorm accommodation in the clubhouse.

We'll bring in food and stuff, teach them about a healthy lifestyle.

'We've actually got our first course coming up this weekend,

'so looking forward to meeting the young dudes.'

G'day, mate, how are ya? Blake.

How ya going, fella? What's your name? Welcome to Fat Boys school.

'I just reckon if I can get a fat dude up on a surfboard,'

catching a wave, and a dude that probably thought

he'd never do that, then I'm stoked.

-Yeah, good, say goodbye to Mum and Dad.

-See ya.

See ya, Mum and Dad.

-Bye, Mum.

-See you, darling.

-Be good.

-I will.

-OK, you be responsible, Daniel.

-Yeah.

Fuck off, Daniel!

-Daniel, don't!

-Or what?

-I said fuck off!

-See you, Nath. Have a good weekend.

-See you, guys! See ya!

-Bye!

-Bye!

-Bye!

Yeah, it's a long weekend so Mum and Steve are going away.

They're going to stay in a hotel. Whenever they go away,

they leave me in charge of the whole household.

So I become like the Dad of the family for the weekend.

-Go make beds.

-Piss off!

-Both of ya, make your bed.

-Not fair!

-Make your bed. Do mine and Nath's.

Go do Mum and Dad's after that, Julia. I'll give you five minutes.

'It's good. Like, I sort of look after the household,

'like cleaning and preparing meals and shit.'

Right, guys. Who wants melted chocolate?

'Just whatever needs doing, I do it.

'Like, I assign chores to various brothers.'

Not bad. I'll get you to do round the front, too. Now.

Get off my chair!

'Yeah, I actually quite like being in charge.'

-Fuck off, I was watching that!

-I'm the dad.

-Fuck you!

-Just do it, Nathan.

I don't make the rules, I just enforce 'em.

It's ten and it's bedtime. Go to fucking bed.

'It's not an easy role. Like, there's a fair bit of responsibility.'

New rule, guys. No dogs in rooms while you're sleeping.

Stick that under your tongue.

'Things like kids' health issues. You got to be careful about that.

'Like anything could happen with kids.'

Show me. Yeah, you're all right. Lights out.

'Yeah, there's a fair few privileges that come with being the dad, too.

'Like I get to sleep in the double bed.'

Get out! It's parents only.

'And I pretty much decide how the weekend will run.'

You tell Johnno to bring a case?

'So, like, for example, tomorrow night, I'm having a huge party.

'I've pretty much invited everyone in Dunt to come.'

We should do an all-nighter.

Just stay up all night.

'That's just one of the good things about being a parent.

'You pretty much get to do whatever you want.'

If you fart, you're out.

'It's been a busy couple of months.

'I still have not heard from the celebrities

'that Daniel's asked me to invite to his party for Nathan,

'which is unusual.

'I do feel quietly confident they'll make an appearance.

'Work's been pretty full on.'

Off, please. You're off privileges for a week.

Give it to Jonathan.

'My problem boy, Talib, he's still not talking, despite my efforts.'

One word, and I'll give you this ten bucks.

'We haven't heard yet, but he may end up in for a long stint.'

So we do need to get him up on his feet and socialising.

Ha-ha! Hey, it's Gran and the Doggy Wanker. He's outside for once!

'The other boys haven't been terribly friendly

'to him, and welcoming.'

Leave him alone!

'They've been making his life hell.'

You lot, shut the fuck up!

'Well, he's not an easy kid.

'I think if he made an effort to interact with the other boys,

'he'd be doing himself a favour.'

He doesn't like balls. He likes sticks.

'It's a rough place in here.

'I think you can't afford to be a pussy and keep to yourself.

'You've got to grow some balls to some extent.'

You little brat!

Jesus Christ, don't you fucking spit on me!

You want the fucking afternoon in iso?

Hi, fellas. Welcome to pig duty.

'I've tried getting him involved with the leader boys.

'I've forced them to hang out with him a little bit more.'

You could do it with Marlon. You guys could have a chat.

-How about no?

-And how about you try for me, please, Marlon?

'That was a disaster. I forgot he's sexually attracted to animals,

'so that didn't go down too well.'

Actually, I might take that off you.

'Tried to get him involved in song night, but that didn't go well.

'He didn't want a bar of it.'

# They tried to make me go to rehab and I said... #

'But I feel like I will get through to him.

'Underneath that facade, there's a lovely boy.'

I think it's just a matter of time.

And rashies.

Fellas, once your t-shirts and thongs are off,

come get your rashies.

'Well, it's a pretty intensive surfing course.

'There's a lot involved.

'For a lot of these young blokes, fat really rules their life.

'It destroys their confidence.'

A lot of these guys deal with fat on a daily basis, you know.

They look down, they see fat.

How's that feeling?

Can't really breathe.

You can't breathe?

'My idea is to use surfing to get their confidence'

up to a level that is better.

OK, well welcome to Fat Boys school. You're all here, cos you are...

-ALL: Fat.

-Fat. That's right.

These guys aren't used to physical shit.

I won't chuck 'em in the water.

I'll deal with the fat issue first.

I'll get you to look behind you at Hunter.

This is an example of what it looks like to be a fat guy.

-He looks pretty fat, doesn't he?

-Yeah.

Yeah. Now, guys, when you're walking down the street,

you see a fat kid like you. What sort of names would people say?

-Any idea?

-Ah, you're a fat shit.

-You're a roly poly.

-All right.

I want you to yell out some insults to our fat guy here.

The kind of thing that you might get, yell it to him.

You've got more rolls than a bakery.

Yeah, give it to him.

You're the size of King Kong's arse.

'It's good for them to be on the other side of insults,

'to know what it feels like.'

Why don't you shut up and eat heaps of burgers

and don't ever come back and eat your wife?

This is great. Great, guys.

'It builds their strength.'

And when they're in the water, facing massive waves,

they'll need all the strength they can get.

Any of you got girlfriends? Hands up if you do.

-Nuh.

-None of you? Didn't think so. Right.

You ever tried to make a move on a girl

and she says, "Piss off, ya fat shit," or something? Yep?

Hurts your feelings? Yeah?

We're going to play a game today. We're going to reverse that feeling.

We're going to show those girls that called you fat shits,

that you may be fat, but you've still got feelings.

All right fellas? When you see a hot girl, let her have it.

Don't let her get in the water, there'll be a tsunami!

-Oh, my God!

-Go get that girl up there.

# Hey, fatty bum-bum want another cream cake? #

-Awesome.

-How're ya goin', lard arse?

If you call me fat again, I'll call you all the names I can think up.

Oi, Daniel! Daniel, you fag!

'The party's going off already.'

Hey! Yeah!

'Half of Dunt's coming. It's going to be pretty huge.'

'We'd never have done this with Mum and Steve here. No fucking way.'

Hey! Let's hear that!

Hey! I got you a glow stick.

'Heaps of people here. Word's got around.

'Every kid in Dunt is here tonight

'and we're expecting a few others

from other towns and shit to come.'

It's open invitation, so just whoever rocks up, rocks up.

As long as you got booze and that with ya, come over.

Briony, take some photos for us.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Hey!

Hey, Daniel, it's your mum calling.

What?

Yeah. Nah, it's going well.

Yeah, I got the kids doing their homework and shit.

Yeah.

Nah.

Nah, Tyson's playing a movie or something. Like a party movie.

Yeah.

All right, see ya.

Oi, where the fuck is Nathan?

Why's he being a fucking knob? Go tell him to come out.

The fucking party's going.

He should be here.

'Nath's always a fag whenever we have parties.'

Like, last time I had this party, right?

Nath put dog shit in the microwave and it fucking stank.

Oi, Julia!

One more beer and that's it, OK?

-Fuck off.

-One more beer, bitch.

-What?

-Nathan's stuck. He's in trouble.

What does he want?

-Oh, my God, you fucking idiot.

-He did it himself. I saw him.

-He pulled the zip up with his teeth.

-You stupid... Fuck! Are you stuck?

Why are you fucking...? You broke the fucking zip.

-Is he stuck in there?

-Yeah, he's fucking stuck.

I'm not cutting that to get you out of there, you dickhead.

-He likes the way the balls feel.

-Fucking hell, man.

Are you naked inside that?

You stupid little faggot.

LAUGHTER

It's not fucking funny!

How will we clean this up before Mum gets here?

I'm not fucking cleaning it up. You're a dickhead!

-Fucking hell, man.

-What a retard.

Yeah, well every couple of months we do our "Scaring Young Boys" programme.

I get a young guy in, a boy who's been getting in trouble at school,

maybe Mum's at their wit's end.

They're on a pathway towards criminal activity.

Extra ball and chains for those guys that don't have them.

Who needs a ball and chain?

'What I like to do is to ham things up a little bit.

'A little role play we do. We make the prison look scarier and worse

'than it really is.'

Once your ball and chain's on, get familiar with them.

Have a walk around.

'No trouble getting my guys involved.

'They get a week of privileges if they do.'

Imran, your hat!

A lot of my guys, they're big show-offs,

so they love the opportunity to perform.

Be careful. Don't strike each other with your balls, please.

Guys, doesn't Talib look good?

'I'll use this as an opportunity to get Talib involved

'with the other boys.'

Very handsome in that outfit. He looks great.

Hello, young man.

Gran and her little dress-up thing. I know that it does

look a bit weird on the surface,

and at first, I was worried

that it could have a detrimental effect on the boys.

The kids here call me Psycho Sims.

So I hear you've been a naughty boy.

But there's no doubt that it is a tradition, and it does seem to be an effective programme.

So these are our cells where you're going to be spending most of your time,

where you're locked down for a lot of the day in there,

and I'll just get you to keep on walking through. And there's a lot of...

-Psycho Sims?

-Oh, yes, yes?

-I'm starvin'.

Can I have my bread, please?

He's starving. We get the bread and water.

That's what you get once a day. So that's...that's your food.

I'll leave your bread there for you.

Actually, no, it's not lunchtime, so we'll leave it there till lunchtime.

-Oh, you serious?

-So that's...

Come on, Angus, I'll show you to the torture rooms downstairs.

-Come on, hurry up!

-This is our yard out here.

Come on, hurry up! Scum! Get a move on!

As you can see, we work the boys like this most of the morning,

and then we go out and do some sort of hard labour, that sort of thing.

Railway work in the afternoon. It's pretty rough.

Psycho Sims, can we stop, please? My ankles are killing me!

Shut up, prisoner, or you'll get tortured this afternoon.

You want to spend the afternoon in the dungeon?

I haven't stretched a prisoner in a while.

Why is he allowed to do that?

-Well, bloody done, Talib. Thanks a lot.

-Nice one, Doggy Wanker.

Fuck it up, why don't ya?

Thanks for ruining it. I'm so bloody sick of you. You're useless!

Are we still getting KFC? You fucked it up, not us!

Stop being a fucking idiot and grow some balls, for Christ's sake!

Officer Sims! Can I have a word, please?

Just...don't take the equipment without asking.

'Oh, the surfing lessons are going unreal.

'Yeah, I'm pretty stoked with the progress so far.'

Who's ready to go in the water?

'You know, we've got a few blokes up. Not everyone's getting up,

'but, um, you know, they're all having a good time.

'Yeah, we had a few of the Fennel Hell Men looking over from the headland.

'They don't know what I'm doing.'

I was saying to Hunter, good to keep 'em guessing.

I am losing a few boards.

Dealing with kids this size, I mean, they're pretty fuckin' fat.

They're gonna break a few boards so, yeah, I have lost a few.

We get a couple of boys, what I call sinkers, which means they sink to the bottom.

-We got a sinker!

-You right, mate?

Yeah, yep.

Hunter and I have that code. We call out "sinker!" and you know,

it means there's just a boy on the bottom. You have to pull him out.

You know, you don't want 'em sitting there for too long, drowning, that sort of thing.

You all right? 'I think it's three minutes and they get some brain damage.'

He's just really surprised me. He's looking after them and keeping an eye on everyone and...

It's good to see.

Go, go, go, go!

Stand up. Yeah! Yes!

He stood up! Nice, Fat Boy surfer! He stood up!

-He stood up!

-He stood up! Who saw that?

How do you feel, mate? First Fat Boy surfer!

Yeah, good, eh? Yeah, good!

Yeah, yeah! Stacks on Julian!

Stacks on him!

Stacks on him! Stacks on Julian!

I can't breathe. Get off!

Yeah! Yeah!

What are you doing?

All right, Julian?

-Are you all right?

-You all right?

-Julian!

-What hurts?

What hurts?

You right?

Shit, are you right, mate? We won't move ya.

We won't move him cos it could be spinal damage.

-You all right, Julian?

-Shit. Um...

RAP MUSIC PLAYS

CHATTER

I'm fucking serious.

No more for you.

Seriously, the way that you...

TYRES SCREECH

Oh!

Yeah, fuck!

Go, fuckin' Daniel! Yeah!

Put Fuckos on the roof. Where's Fuckos? Get Fuckos here.

-Nah, that's cruel.

-Nah, put him on. It'll be fuckin' hell funny. Yes!

Whoo! Yeah!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, shit, it's my mum! Shut up!

Hi, Mum.

Nah, the Lovells are seeing shit.

Nah, don't believe 'em.

Nah, we're just chillin'.

-I don't know.

-What are you doin'?

We're just...nothing! I am.

All right, bye.

Guys, the neighbours have fuckin' heard us so we need to shut the fuck up.

ENGINE REVS

-Shut the fuck up, Daniel!

-Daniel, Nathan's done something.

Oh, fuck!

It was his idea. He wanted to see how far he could get it up.

What the fuck are you doin', you fuckin' idiot!

How is that a fun thing to do, you fuckin' faggot!

Pull hard or something.

Ah, fuck!

Pull it out, ya fuckin' idiot.

Why do you keep sticking your arm and shit in stuff?

Ya fuckin' dickhead.

-You can't move that?

-Can't. It's stuck.

-We're gonna have to saw it off.

-Is he gonna lose his arm?

He's not gonna fuckin' lose his arm.

Daniel, should I call an ambulance?

No.

Oh, shit, Nathan.

I'm gonna have to fuckin' call Mum and Steve.

Thanks a lot, ya fuckwit.

Ah, Nath's got his arm stuck up one of the drainpipes.

Yeah, but it's sorta goin' purple so we're not sure what to do.

I was bein' responsible!

No, I don't want to talk to Steve.

Just... I don't know what to do.

I don't... I can't fuckin' control him!

You have publicly humiliated him.

You called him an idiot, and you've riled up all the other boys,

-and you know that's only going to cause trouble, don't you?

-Yes.

I've tried very hard with this young guy for quite a while now, and I just thought, you know,

that was an opportunity for him to get involved with the other fellas.

I just... it was a slip of the tongue.

It was the wrong thing to say. In retrospect, I look at it, it was the wrong thing to say and I do, yeah.

I see the error of my ways there, Julie.

-Look, just go and apologise.

-All right.

Sort it out that way and look, remember that you're a supervisor.

-You're not his mother.

-That's true.

Now I need to apologise for what happened earlier.

I was a little out of line there.

I, ah, shouldn't have called you a fuckin' idiot and told you to

grow some balls, so, ah, sorry for that and, yeah,

you just need to remember that you're the detainee and I'm the officer

and, ah, do the right thing, play it by the rules, and we'll leave it at that then.

Sorry.

Sorry for ruining your thing.

Well, that's all right. It was a little silly anyway, the whole thing.

It's, ah, very nice to finally hear your voice.

It makes me very happy, actually.

I actually feel like I'm meeting you for the first time, so...

anyway, I'll be back at bedtime and so see you soon then.

And, ah,

if ever you feel like a chat at all again, I'd be happy...

I'd be quite happy, actually, to do that. So,

you feel like a chat, just let me know. Right.

Well, once again, I can't say how sorry I am that you had...yep.

Oh, no.

Well, you know teenagers.

Yep. Oh, he's 12, is he? Yep.

I just reckon you're looking at me like you're disappointed in me or something.

No, babe, I'm not disappointed.

I'm only disappointed cos it didn't work out.

-Do you want me to get the artificial balls operation?

-What?

Do you want me to get the operation to get the balls, cos I will.

If that's what you want, I'll go and get balls.

Cos I don't want you to be disappointed.

-What have your balls got to do with it?

-Well...

-That's insane.

I'm just sayin' that you say stuff that makes me feel like I'm not good enough and I'm just thinkin'.

-Oh, come off it, Blake.

-I don't feel like the complete man,

and if you want me to be the complete man, I'll get the artificial...

Oh, come off it. You are 150% pure man.

You know that. I told you, Blake. You don't need balls. Who cares?

Well, why did you say my ball sac looks like a giant dried apricot?

-I was only mucking around.

-Jokes mean the truth.

-No, I was only joking

cos you started joking. I was only joking cos you were joking.

No, come on, I love you just the way you are. You're beautiful.

Hey, hey fellas, how are we?

The good news is I've heard from the hospital, and Julian's going to be OK.

He's going to make a full recovery.

Couple of broken ribs, so that's worked out well.

All right fellas, who's up for an early morning surf tomorrow?

-Who's our surfing champion of tomorrow?

-No. No...

I think the Fat Boy surf school was successful to a point.

Well, because I don't wanna surf.

Do you wanna surf? Do you wanna surf?

No.

Well, I want you to.

But I don't know if I would do it again.

I think it might be a one off course.

I think, apart from Julian, the other blokes had a good time, but you know, not a good...

not a good finish.

All right fellas, so we're gonna do lights out in around ten minutes.

I'll just come down for lights out and toilets are gonna be just outside.

You know where the toilets are. So that should be good and...oh, shit.

Shit, you right, mate? You right? Shit, that shouldn't have happened.

That should not have happened.

You OK, mate? We'll get you up there.

These beds should not... get you up there.

You've been obviously fiddling around with the brackets there.

-Mind his fingers.

-'Mum and Steve were really pissed

'cos they had to come home from their holiday,

'and they were pissed off at me about the party.

'Once again, Nath fucks things up for me.'

-There we go.

-There we go.

-'Steve sawed off the pipe.

'We're gonna go to the hospital in the morning just to get it taken off fully.'

OK, can we all just stay in here for a minute, guys?

Julia, can you just come back? Mate, come on.

'And then things got even worse.

'Mum and Steve made this big gay announcement.'

Your Mum's got a bit of an announcement to make.

Well, we just wanted you guys to be the first to know

that we got engaged, and we're gonna get married.

-Yes! I want to be a bridesmaid.

-Oh, congratulations, Mum.

Good work, Steve.

No worries, mate.

'And they didn't even ask my opinion about it.'

-When?

-Pretty soon, mate.

I mean, no point stuffing around.

And we just wondered if you and Nath

wanted to be best men at the wedding.

-Is that something you think you'd like to do, both?

-Oh, yes. Yeah!

That's cool as, Nate.

So you're kickin' Nathan out, sending him to deaf school, then you move in and you take over.

Is that your big plan, is it?

-It's not like that, mate.

-Daniel!

'Yeah, they can do whatever they want.

'I don't give a stuff what they do.'

I'm 18. I'm going to be 18 this year, so I don't rule my mum's life.

She wants to marry him, marry him.

Just do whatever you wanna do.

Don't know why... why you'd be marrying a dickhead like Steve, though.

Like my dad, if he met Steve, he'd just beat the shit out of him.

Cos my dad's a legend.

Steve's a gaylord.

I gotta do my community service.

What's up, motherfuckers!

# Hot children Lookin' at children. #

Everyone's starting to forget you.

If we went to the mall right now, I would get mobbed.

-Do you guys know him?

-Are you from High School Musical?

-What's my name?

-S.mouse.

-He got upgraded to an electric shock bracelet.

-Paparazzi, bro!

-What was that?!

'Mum's been on my back lately about swearing.' Say, "Come here, Fuckos".

-Come here, Fuckos.

-And she said if I keep saying "fag"...

Piss off, you fag. Wiis are for fags.

'She's gonna make me spend a whole day with Henry Keddys.

'He's this actual homo from my school.'

-Hey, Daniel, what's up?

-Yeah.

-Your brother's so nice. Pretty cute, too.

'Henry's turned out to be a pretty good bloke.' You got me, man!

Get up! 'I took Tim to the doctor.'

He got depression. Everyone has to be nice to Tim. He's got depression.

-I wanna hang out with my friends.

-Too late. I deadlocked the door.

I've come up with a few plans to relieve the pressure.

Go tug yourself off or something. We are going to get you a dog.

-I don't want a dog.

-Tim, pat it.

I'm going to do the voice of Tim for the cartoon. "I'm gay!"

# Whack it here Whack. #

-Good arse on that.

-Yeah, man, good arse.

I'm Tim, and I'm gay! It's gay style!