Episode 7 Angry Boys

This programme contains very strong language.

You know that thing about twins, how, like, you feel the same shit,

one twin will feel what the other twin's feeling?

I know that's true because when we were little, me and Nathe, we were in Big W with Mum, right?

We lost Nathe, so me and Mum were looking for him, right?

And I felt this kind of wet patch here in my undies.

I said to Mum, "Shit! Nathe's pissed his pants.

"I don't know where he is, but he's pissed his pants, definitely."

When we found him, he'd pissed his pants.

-Daniel, are you ready?

-Do the punch!

'So, we're going to put Nathe outside...'

-Do you feel anything?

-No. It didn't hurt.

'..have me inside and do shit to him, then see if I feel it.'

-What about that, Dan? Your arm hurt?

-Nah. Nothing.

-What's that for?

-Boiling water to pour on him.

'They reckon it works with your sense of smell.'

Hey, Dan. Do you smell any dog shit?

No. I can't smell anything.

'And they reckon it works with your sense of horniness.'

Yeah. Hey, Dan. You got a stiffy?

No.

It's not working. Try the pain one again.

Argh! Fuck off!

Come back, arsehole. Nathan!

< He's pissed-off with you!

I'm fucking pissed-off with him.

Actually, that kind of works. Twins both pissed-off.

-Oh, yeah. So it does work.

-Same feelings. Fuck, yes!

I knew that would work. Fuck! Let's go and tell Mum.

10,000 people seated...

'Today has brought some very big news.

'Some news that's exciting me beyond recognition.'

Tim is going to be honoured at the Tokyo X Games

for his 16th birthday celebration.

Inflatable you is going to come down from the stadium...

'I can't believe he's going to be 16.'

It seems like yesterday he was sucking on my breast.

You come up, you flip,

you do the 900, then you come down, crowd cheer and sing Happy Birthday.

Wait. I can't just do the 900. You know how much practice that takes?

Be confident in yourself.

'The Tokyo X Games is the biggest skateboarding event.'

-Tim, shut up and watch him, please.

-Your mum has worked so hard.

'Tim has been very snappy with me lately. He's not been himself.

'He's become very aggressive.'

-I can't do it in three weeks.

-You'd better cos if you stuff it up, you'll look like a dickhead.

'I told Tim, "You have every opportunity, but you're being a prat."'

Less chat, more practice.

'Tim lost a few skateboarding competitions lately.

'His skating is not as good.

'It's very worrying for me, as a mother.'

You stuffed it up. Do it again.

'He's not concentrating with school work, falling asleep sometimes.'

We're all tired, Tim!

'I called my best friend'

who has a teenage son as well.

She said that it's growing pains.

They say that the 15-year-olds...

The cock stop growing at 15 for the boys, but the rest of them keep growing.

So, for Tim, he's 15. His cock is fully grown but the rest of him has got a lot of growing to do.

Get up! You've got work to do.

'We got the Oshi Cola campaign

'and we have an animated cartoon series, based on Tim.

'Tim's doing the voice for that.

'If he don't get his shit together,'

then we're all stuffed big-time.

Well, today, I gotta do my community service.

Cos I got into a little altercation with Lasquisha on account of her

taking out a restraining order.

'They sent me out to an elementary school.'

You get more flow, see what I'm saying?

'Saying at the kids, "This is right. This is wrong."

'Inspiring them. Being a role model to them.'

-I'm asking this dude if he can take it off.

-Baby, it can't come off.

-Why? I'm not going anywhere.

-No.

'This performance today is the first chance ever for the world to see the new me.'

They goin' wild. They ready to party.

We have for you, boys and girls, a very special guest

to teach you all a valuable lesson about right and wrong.

-It's the pop star, S.mouse.

-"Smoose"?

Oh...yeah.

Wassup, motherfuckers!

This is S dot mouse, exclamation mark!

Are you ready to slap your elbows?

-HE RAPS

-Slap my elbows! You do it like this!

'I'm goin' to start with Slap My Elbows to ease them in.

'I don't want to freak them out.'

Then hit 'em with some of my new shit!

Five divided by six equals

My intellectality

E equals MC square, motherfuckers...

'You know what? I'm here today to teach the kids right from wrong.

'So I wrote a new song especially for today.'

That song is teaching the kids about the dangers of the world out there.

Cos if you're a kid, there's nothing more dangerous in the world than a paedophile.

Hot children lookin' at children.

Hot children, think about

When you're walkin' home alone, kids And you see a scary man

Don't look him in the eye, kids Don't get in his bed

Cos he's checkin' you out, kids He likes your style

He likes your style

Cos he's a big fat motherfucking paedophile...

'If I can use my talent to be able to entertain as well as educate'

then, man, that's gotta be a good thing.

..Cos all the bad guys, they're checkin' you out, yeah!

-Guys, Steve's here.

-Hey, guys. Look at this.

Oh, yeah!

'Steve's been sucking up to us heaps. Bought us a Wii.'

Wiis are for fags.

'I reckon it's shit.'

I'm not playing it. It's a fag game.

'Cos Steve's marrying Mum, he's trying to get on my good side.'

So he's doing all this shit and trying to get involved in my life.

I don't want him involved in my life.

-We can all play at the same time.

-If you're a fag.

He called me fucking Danny! I said, "Don't fucking call me Danny!"

Enjoy it.

I won't be.

'The even shitter thing is that his son, Kayden, his three-year-old,'

is coming to stay every second weekend cos Steve gets custody.

'I end up having to deal with a three-year-old, which is shit.'

Can you say, "I like bum"?

-I like bum.

-Oh, do ya? Do you really?!

You confessed it!

-Come here, fuck-offs.

-Come here, fuck-offs.

Daniel, be responsible. He's only three!

Go, "My dad is gay."

My dad is gay.

Say it louder so he can hear. He's over there.

-Steve, Kayden wants to tell you something.

-My dad is gay.

-LAUGHING:

-Hey, Steve.

You're a big fag. Go.

Hey, Steve. You're a big fag.

Oh, Steve! Stevo!

Did you hear that? Is your dad straight or gay?

-Gay.

-Oh, Stevo! Kayden reckons you're gay!

'Mum's been on my back about swearing.'

She reckons I swear too much.

She reckons I use the word "fag" heaps, like I'm always calling people fags.

Mum, Tyson's being a fag.

These are for fags.

This toast is fagging.

Daniel, if you say the word "fag" or call anyone a fag again...

'And she said, as a threat, if I keep saying "fag",'

she's going to make me spend a whole day with Henry Ketties, this actual teenage homo.

-One day with Henry Ketties, getting to know each other.

-Yeah, yeah.

'He goes to my school.'

Mum's friends with his mum and, like, she's arranged it.

Oi, Nathe! Nathan, you fag!

-Will you take Kayden outside...?

-That's it!

-What?

-You said "fag".

-Sorry(!)

-I mean it. I am going to do it.

-Sorry.

-I'm going to call them right now.

Fuck off, you fag!

It's your fucking fault.

Tim, hurry up, please.

'I took Tim to the doctor to find out what the hell is going wrong with him.

'The doctor said he over-worked and a little bit depressed.'

That's why he's being so tired and annoying lately.

I said to the doctor, "How you get depression living in a place like this?" I don't understand it.

When I was a young girl, I used to have to take a shit in the rain

in front of the neighbours.

That's depressing.

Everyone has to be nice to Tim. He's got depression.

'Tim needs to realise the bottom line is if he can't handle the pressure'

the company is going to the tubes.

-Go to your room.

-I have to practise.

-I want you to relax.

'I have come up with a few plans to relieve the pressure.'

Go tug yourself off or something. Whatever you need to do to relieve yourself.

'I'm also going to take over some of his responsibilities.'

Bruce and I have been thinking how we can get you less depressed.

-Number one, I'm going to do the voice of Tim for the cartoon.

-What?

-I'm doing your voice. That's sorted.

-No. I want to do it myself.

-Tim, I'm good at voices.

-I don't want you doing it. That's weird.

I can sound like you.

-SQUEAKY:

-"I'm Tim and I'm gay."

-That doesn't sound anything like me.

You're in denial if you think you don't sound like that.

-You have an annoying squeaky voice.

-I don't want you doing it.

-Shut up.

Also, Bruce, if you could show, please.

Bruce and I have decided, for relaxation purposes,

we are going to get you a dog.

-A shar pei. They are very relaxing.

-A little puppy.

-I don't want one.

-We want you to become best friends and teach it to skate.

I was thinking that the dog could become a nice plush toy for the Gay Style range.

Sold separately or maybe on a cute little Gay Style skateboard.

-I don't want a dog for that reason.

-You've got mild depression, Tim.

Dog's going to help that, so we will be getting you a dog...

'Tim, he always fight against me, but now I feel better, in a way,

'to know that it's because of depression.'

Tim? Just wanting to give you privacy in your relaxing time.

I just wanted to let you know that Cho used to work in a rub and tug place.

So if you need someone to come and give you a rub and tug, she come in.

It's very relaxing.

-No!

-OK.

He said no.

I don't know.

I just wasn't feeling the vibe from those kids, know what I'm saying?

I don't think they were feeling my new shit.

I'm pretty sure someone recognised you, man.

Recognised me? Course they recognised me.

They didn't know who you were cos everyone's starting to forget you.

-Shut.

-It's a simple fact. You've been locked up.

I only been locked up for two months. They forget me that quick?

-That's all it takes.

-They forget shit quickly, man.

You don't forget a classic song. That shit's gonna be around for history.

-They might have missed it.

-By the time you're out of here, you'll be forgotten. Period.

-What the fuck? Forgotten?

-Yes.

If we went to the mall right now, I would get mobbed.

-That's how motherfucking famous I am.

-You go and I kick your ass. You're under arrest.

You wanna go to the mall?

Your IQ is about the size of your dick!

Seven!

-Goddamn it!

-How do you deal with him?

-Seven?

You go to that mall, you got to be the stupidest motherfucker I ever met.

Hey, Dad. You need anything from the mall?

Kiss my ass, motherfuckers. Keep your ass here. Quit being stupid.

Where my kids at? Yeah. I'm at the mall!

Film this, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. You got this?

This is S.mouse kicking it at the mall. You know what I'm saying?

Normally I wouldn't come without security any more.

In a minute, you'll see why I don't come without security. Yeah.

Let's go meet my fans!

Yo! We wanna buy some shit!

You wanna close the store off, or what?

Yeah, yeah.

You asking for trouble if you don't close the store off.

Gonna be a lot of fans in here soon. Yeah.

GIRLS SCREAM

-Here we go.

-No. She dropped her fucking ice cream, ass-hole.

Excuse me. Do you guys know him? No.

Not EVERYONE knows me.

Do you guys know him?

No?

Excuse me, ma'am. Do you know who he is?

-Nobody knows you!

-Wrong age group, motherfucker. My fans aren't grandmas!

-Familiar with him? No.

-Shut the fuck up!

You filming this shit?

Here I am with my real fans. One, two, three, four fans. Yeah.

Yeah. Real fans(!)

-My little sister was obsessed with you ages ago.

-A lot of girls obsessed with me.

You say hi to your little sister for me. Yeah. You know my name? What's my name?

-ALL: Smouse.

-Smouse! They all know my name.

-One two three, say my name.

-ALL: Smouse!

Yeah, yeah. You got that. You know my songs. What songs do you know?

-Um...

-You know a lot? You wanna hear some new shit?

Play some new shit for them. Press play.

I got a lotta new tracks.

I got some smooth tracks. This one, you hear that?

MUSIC STARTS

How that song making you feel?

Yeah, the new shit.

Our mums are, like, waiting.

You gotta go, yeah, you go. Go, go, go.

You can't leave your ma waiting. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

You don't leave that shit on there. Pick that up.

Excuse me! Hi.

-Are you from High School Musical?

-No.

-Oh.

Motherfucker!

Did you fucking hear that?

Don't you fucking laugh!

'Well, it's really shit, cos I kept saying the word "fag",

'my mum's making me spend the whole day with Henry Ketties.'

-Daniel, Henry's here.

-Thanks.

-He's an actual homo from my school.

-Hey, Daniel. What's up?

-Hey.

Mum's trying to make me realise that it's offensive to fags if you call them fags.

'It's shit cos I've pretty much got nothing in common with him.'

It's not going to be fun.

Daniel, where's Henry?

-I don't know. Outside, I s'pose.

-Well get out there with him.

-He's your guest.

-He's a fa...!

Daniel, you watch it.

All right.

-You guys still got the motorbikes?

-Yeah.

Cool.

You into footie?

I saw you at that gig. It was pretty cool, yeah?

-Yeah, it was all right.

-Pretty all-right band.

-Some decent chicks there.

-Do you mean Rose and Jessie?

-Yeah.

-They're really good friends of mine.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah... Hi, Nathan.

Your brother's so nice. He's pretty cute, too.

Daniel, how tall are you? I reckon we're about the same height.

Check it out. Stand back-to-back.

Come on. Hey, Miss Sims. Who's taller? Me or Daniel?

Daniel.

-Fuck off, you fag!

-Daniel!

He's taking a fucking photo of me!

Daniel, why don't you go out and ride the bikes, have a look around the farm?

Mum, you're not letting me do what I want.

-I'm doing what is best for you, Tim.

-Then let me go.

-No.

'It has been a roller coaster ride,'

dealing with Tim and his tiredness and depression.

He's been very difficult.

We had a big fight this morning.

-I want to hang out with my friends.

-I locked the door.

-Give me the key.

'Tim, he think he grown-up.

'He not a man. He 15.'

Don't you physically abuse me, Tim. You're making your sister cry.

'Tim need to know I have his best interests in my heart.'

All I want is for Tim to be happy.

What more would a mother want?

Tim, we have a surprise for you.

We got your cartoon series. They send the DVD.

'Everything I do is to make a good life for Tim. It's all for Tim.'

-SQUEAKY:

-'I'm gay! Hey! This is Tim Okazaki.

'Welcome to my fantasy skate world.

'This park is hard core - gay style!'

-JINGLE

-# Hard core, breaking the rules

# Mad skater, I play the fool

# Grinding away

# Get out of my way Cos I'm gay

# Get out of my way Cos I'm gay! #

'I'm Tim and I'm gay.

'It's Gay Style.'

You like it, Tim? I told you I could do it.

-OK. Bruce?

-Yes, Tim. Look what we have for you.

-Tim, Tim.

It's the puppy that you wanted!

Puppies are good for relaxation.

Give him a pat, Tim. This dog called Gay Dog.

It's the first ever gay dog.

-Merchandise!

-Yes!

We sell shitloads of these, Tim. Gay Dog on a skateboard...

'Tim has a lot less on his plate, so he can focus on skating.

'Hopefully, that will make him more relaxed and less depressed.'

You two are gonna be best friends.

Who wants to watch the cartoon again? Watch. Watch.

# Grinding away

# Get out of my way Cos I'm gay! #

I'm starting to think that Shwayne junior is a lost cause. He's fucked himself up again.

His monitor alerted the authorities.

Now his parole officer shows up to tighten his security.

-This device stays on.

-He got upgraded to an electric shock bracelet.

Every time he tries to step outside he gets an electric shock.

You walk across this beam, you will receive a shock.

I don't think that boy is capable of learning a lesson. What else are we supposed to do, huh?

-Too late for an abortion!

-CHUCKLES

Put your hand up like this...

'Yeah, I got another month of house arrest, but I think it's worth it.'

Goin' to the mall, it taught me that maybe my creative direction

is goin' a little bit off the way that it should be goin', off the pathway, you know what I'm saying?

-Then you whack.

-Whack.

-Whack...

'I'm not giving kids what they want.'

That's my job, to give them the shit that they want.

-Whack to the right, whack to the left.

-Got that shit.

'Kids need something familiar, you know what I'm saying?'

It's like My Elbow was a kid's song, but it worked. Yeah? You feel me?

'So I've been spending the afternoon writing up a new song.'

Whack my knee! Whack my knee!

You gotta whip it, gotta whack it Whack my knee!

'My girl Lasquisha's coming up with a dance craze to go with that song.

'We've been collaborating on some moves together.'

-Grab.

-Yes.

'The entertainment industry is a very fast-moving industry.

You always gotta be two steps ahead of the motherfuckers.

-TRACK BEGINS

-Whack my knee! Whack my knee!

You gotta whip it, gotta whack it Whack my knee!

Whack my knee, kids! Whack my knee, kids!

You gotta whip it, gotta whack it Whack my knee!

'I got one month and I'm gonna open that gate after my month

'and I'm gonna explode on the hip-hop scene.'

-I don't know how it feels.

-We can cross it?

-You can cross it.

-What if I do it?

'S dot mouse exclamation mark is gonna be back.'

And he gonna be here and bigger than ever fucking mother before.

Yeah.

You looking for S.mouse? He right over here.

-Who's that?

-Paparazzi.

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah, very funny(!)

Lasquisha. Who am I?

Yeah. Yeah.

'Today's been really fun.

'I thought it was going to be shit but Henry's a pretty good bloke.'

Oh, he's down! Back to me, Henry!

'Like, he's into shit that I didn't think fags were into.

'He knows these hot chicks and is going to put in a good word for me.'

You got me, man!

-Good arse on that.

-Yeah, man.

-Good arse.

-I'm more of a tit man, myself.

D'you reckon Rose and Jessie ever do girl-on-girl?

I dunno. Maybe.

Should ask 'em.

Henry and I had some pretty deep convos.

-What's it like being a fag?

-Good. Pretty cool.

I like it.

You been checking me out at all?

No.

Right.

Why not?

'Turns out Henry's really good at the Wii.'

Should I go to the right?

'It makes me want to practise so I can be as good as Henry.'

Champion! Yes! Well done!

'Nathan, the little fuckwit, invited my mates over.

'He thought I'd be all embarrassed and shit, but I didn't even care.'

Hey, guys.

'My mates were shocked at first,

'but once they got to know him and they found out that he knew

'heaps of chicks that we like, they got along with him.'

-He knows Rose and Jessie.

-We're really good friends, yeah.

You want to get a three-player going?

He kicks at the Wii. He's a fucking champion!

'I don't reckon Henry and I will end up being best mates

'but, like, if I see him round school, I'd say g'day.'

Look how good he is. He's fucking killing it!

'After you spend a while with him, you sort of forget that he's a fag.'

Hey, Steve, have you heard some of the new words that Kayden's learnt?

-Fuck off, you fag.

-Oh!

-Come on, language, guys.

-Say it again.

-Fuck off, you fag!

Oh, Kayden! Mate!

We do family day four times a year.

What if Mum brings my dog and he tries to wank it?

Shut up or I'll cancel family day!

Mum's coming today, is she?

I love your outfit!

It doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

I think they find me quite entertaining.

You wave a bit of pink at her and she's so fucking happy.

Don't tell Mum I did that.

You got your cock out, don't want a kid to see it.

If he shot my fucking balls off, he would have been dead.

We can't let people like this in our lives.

Nathe pulls way more chicks than me.

All the methods, he's learnt from me.

She's a really fucking hot chick.

-I reckon I could get her.

-Yeah(!)

-I fucking could.

'We came up with this plan.' This is Nathan.

-Wish me luck. Hi, Chloe.

-Dan, piss off!

-She's got a hand on your arse.

-Very amusing.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd