Episode 8 Angry Boys

This programme contains very strong language.

DANIEL: It's bullshit.

Mum's making us do this big family photo.

She'll stick it in with the invitation.

Me and Nathan got these poof-like matching shirts and shit to wear.

I'll give it ten seconds before the timer goes off, so get ready.

DANIEL: It's shit. I hate photos.

Nath's such a funny fucker.

Sometimes, like, he used to do this thing

where he'd stick his middle finger up in photos, right?

Here we go. See, middle finger.

Me, Mum and Nath. Middle finger.

Julia, fucking up her photo.

He does this thing lately, right? It's called 'sneaky nuts'.

And basically what it is,

is Nath gets his nuts out in the back of a photo, but like in a sneaky way.

I'll show you. See? Here he is with me and my mates.

Nuts out.

Here we go. Sometimes he'll get two nuts out.

Sometimes he'll do one nut, like over the top,

sometimes through the fly.

He just mixes it up, so you never know what you're going to get.

That's Christmas time.

Outside the church, Nath whips out a nut.

It's fucking funny, man.

School. What's he got... Yeah, he's got one out there.

Jamie and Julia, Nathan. Didn't even realise.

That's Mum and her friend Debbie.

He's such a classic. I love it.

I fucking love it. It's such a good idea.

That's this Christmas card Mum had made.

Mum didn't even realise Nath's got his nuts out.

Mum goes off if she ever catches him,but she never does,

cos he's too sneaky.

-All right, the orange light's going to flash.

-Daniel.

OK.

Smile, dickheads.

-STEVE:

-Say 'cheese'.

-CAMERA CLICKS

Thanks, guys. That'll look really great on the wedding invitations.

BLAKE: Sometimes you've just got to put stuff in a box

and move on, you know?

Like, I've got no balls, fact of life.

I have no balls. Move on. Deal with it.

I've spoken to Kareena about the idea of getting fakies,

going in for an operation, but, yeah, she's not all that keen.

There's been some developments in ball transplants,

like, they take a dead dude's balls, like,

and they wire them up into your sac of another dude.

Yeah, but do you want another bloke's balls in your sac? I don't.

Whoo!

BLAKE: The Fat Boy Surf School's kind of on hold for now,

so I've got a bit of time on my hands.

It's been good, though, spending time with the family before the baby's born.

Just Jake and Tahlia, they're fun to hang out with. I think they find me quite entertaining.

Ohhh!

I grew up with only brothers, so I've only ever known blokes.

So when Tahlia came along, like, just the idea of having a chick kidwas pretty weird.

Like, I didn't really know what to do with her.

But the thing is, once I got to know Tahlia, she's unreal.

Like, you just got to adapt your games a bit for chick kids, I find.

Ohhh!

They love pink, you know? Anything pink, just awesome.

You wave a bit of pink in front of her and she's just, like, so fucking happy.

Did that hurt?

Being a dad there's heaps of stuff you got to consider.

Like shit like nudity.

Like, you come out of the bathroom or something, you got your cock out,

you don't want a kid to see it, especially a chick kid.

So you make sure you cover up.

I have a policy of always covering up in front of kids.

When I see him mucking round with Jake and Tahlia like that

I just think, "That's real Blake," you know?

Get him away from the gang mates.

He's actually just a really lovely bloke.

-Blake.

-What?

-What are you doing?

-Just a trick for the kids.

-It's not really appropriate.

-Oh, baby, yeah!

Shit, man.

All right, fellas, in the chat circle, please.

Form a chat circle.

GRAN: We've just had Talib come back from his court case yesterday,

and the results weren't too favourable, unfortunately.

The animal molestation charges were stacked up against him.

And we were holding out some hope

that his mum might have something nice to say about him,

but apparently she was quite mean.

So he's got the 18 months imprisonment,

which is devastating for him.

And... Hm.

I don't know what mother would do that to their own son.

But, er... I don't get it.

For those of you who don't know, we go all out on Family Day.

So we're down to the visitors' room this time.

GRAN: We do family day four times a year.

We invite the families along.

It's a good opportunity for them to interact with their sons

and share their lives inside Garingal.

Full security measures will be in force.

So it's no touching, no hugging, no kissing. That includes babies.

GRAN: For most of these guys it's the parents that come in.

We do have brothers, sisters.

Girlfriends will often come in and visit,

which is quite exciting.

-Can we take our girls into our cells for some quiet time?

-No, no!

-It's been a while.

-We don't do conjugals for minors.

Hey, Jacob, if we did, I'd take your sister in there.

-ALL:

-Ooh!

-Come on, settle down, guys.

I don't have to do this. I'm doing this as a favour for you guys.

I'm an officer. It's not my job.

Now, clothes-wise on the day I want full uniforms,

no rolled up sleeves, no cut-offs, no rolled up trackies.

Penny'll be bringing in her GHD hair straightener for those boys who want to straighten their hair

and spruce themselves up for the ladies.

Hey, Gran, what if my mum brings in my dog and Talib tries to wank it?

THEY LAUGH That's an old joke.

Funny the first time. It's not funny anymore.

-Sausage boy!

-Leave him alone.

Shut up, or I'll cancel Family Day!

-Is that what you want?

-No.

Show a little bit of respect, please.

-Is that Nathan, man?

-DANIEL: Yeah, it is.

Oh, it's shit, 'cause Nath, like, he pulls way more chicks than me,

and he looks exactly the same as me. Nathan!

Get in the car. We've got to go home.

Mum wants you.

Nathan!

Like, what's a chick thinking

to choose a guy that doesn't fucking talk,

is a little bit retarded?

-Weird, man.

-Fucking way retarded.

When she could have the same shit, but, like, a decent bloke

who's, like, funny and cool and that, with me.

And it's shit, though, 'cause, like,

all the methods that Nath's using to chat up chicks, he's learnt from me.

Same shit I've taught you boys.

Yeah, chicks love... They love the deaf thing.

"Oh, he's so cute. He doesn't hear me. I love that shit."

Nath! Come on!

I don't know, he's sort of got this reputation in the last few months

of being, like, a ladies' man and that.

Like, Nath's hooked up with that many fucking chicks.

Not as many as me. Like, equal.

Yeah, but all the chicks he's hooked up with are the feral ones.

Yeah, those chicks he was talking to this morning, pretty fucking feral.

-JAYDEN:

-He wouldn't get Chloe.

No-one would get Chloe, though. Chloe doesn't like any blokes.

Chloe Garrity is this really fucking hot chick.

She works in the video shop. She's 19.

And she's never gone out with any blokes,

hasn't hooked up with anyone and done it.

Like, she goes down to Adelaide and stuff, apparently,

-and goes to, like, nightclubs and shit.

-Yeah. That's weird.

Around here she's just, she sort of, you can't...

-She's untouchable, man.

-She's a bitch.

-I reckon I could get her, like.

-Nah. Dude, there's no chance.

-If I use my...

I fucking could.

-Nah, if I tried my hardest...

-Nah, she's pure bitch.

-..I reckon I could get Chloe Garrity.

-You would have no chance. No way.

Maybe I'll prove you wrong. Let's go.

Right.

-LOKI:

-Oi, she can see us, idiot.

-It's good if she sees us.

-JAYDEN:

-Who cares?

-It's phase one, boys.

Getting noticed.

Try and act tough.

Hold toughness.

Oh!

-Don't fucking copy my move, dickhead!

-Fuck you, man!

What fucking homos hang out,

two dudes at the front of their car doing that shit?

-Exactly.

-Then don't copy my shit!

-She's seen you.

-We can't just stand here.

Phase two, boys. Phase two.

ENGINE REVS

-Do you reckon she noticed that?

-Yeah, she'd notice that.

Let's go in, boys.

Show off your skills, big boy.

-Shut up. I know what I'm doing.

-She's gonna get suss.

-Where is she?

-Fuck, I don't know.

Where'd she go?

-Can I help you guys with something?

-Um, nah.

Just chilling, just browsing.

All right.

All right, got a plan. Come here.

What the fuck are they doing?

-Oi. Oi.

-What's he got?

It's a porno.

I got a plan. I got a plan. Hold that.

-All right, check this out.

-Look at that shit, man.

See this, guys? Video card.

-Hey, Chloe.

-Hi.

Do you need my card at all?

There you go.

-Is my card warm at all, did you notice?

-Why?

-'Cause it's been on my dick.

-What?

-Nothing, I'm just...

Um, just wondering if I could rent this movie.

And are you in it?

And would you want to be in it with me?

-Dan, can you fuck off?

-All right.

Can I have my card?

Get in the car. Boys, get in the car.

-Come on, boys, let's roll.

-Get in the fucking car!

BLAKE: All right, guys, sleep tight.

I'll leave the light on. I'll be back to turn it off later.

-Do the trumpet!

-Mum doesn't like it.

Do the trumpet!

All right. What sound does a trumpet make?

HE FARTS, KIDS LAUGH

Oh, disgusting!

Kareena, the kids are doing farts up there.

-KAREENA:

-You're so disgusting.

-They are.

-Could you not do that?

-They're your kids.

-Yeah, they'll be my problem in the middle of the night.

-KNOCKING

-Is that Hunter?

-No, he'd go round the back.

All right, I got Chinese takeaway for you!

Ashley! Jesus, mate!

How you been?

-Good to see you!

-Likewise, mate.

-When did you get out?

-Today.

-You came straight here?

-Yeah, fucking right now.

Mate, you remember Kareena?

-G'day, Kareena, how you going?

-Ashley.

Jeez, you're looking good, mate!

Thanks, mate. Prison food. Fucking best diet you could go on.

-Yeah? Awesome! Shit, we got heaps to catch up on.

-Fucking oath we do.

-Can I get you a beer, mate?

-Yeah, sweet.

Can you grab us a couple of beers?

Unreal. Can't believe you're here, mate. This is awesome.

# Slam my elbow You do it like this

# Slam my, slam my elbow You do it like this... #

Do we have to use this gay-arse song?

Yes, we do. I'm not having bad language music for the parents.

Talib, bit more effort from you, please, mate.

Come on, get into it.

Full energy on this one.

Krump it. Krump it. Krumping, krumping, krumping.

Spin, spin, down and lean.

Forward.

Up. Bang. Fist it.

Attitude, attitude.

Hold your pose. Up, please, Imran.

Much more energy required when we're there for the parents.

-WOMAN:

-You should be very pleased with yourself.

The boys have devised it, mostly.

It's very modern. It's that style that they're into.

I can see that.

And great to see Talib involved the way he is.

-Yes, he's a good boy.

-Coming along all right?

-Not talking still.

-Oh, still?

I'd better go. I'm seeing you after lunch.

What's lunch? What are we doing?

Ruth, remember the performance review?

I told you about it this morning.

Oh, yes, yes. Yes, performance review.

I'll see you there, yes.

-See you after lunch.

-I'd better get back to this lot.

Better crack the whip. All right, fellas...

DANIEL: Can I use it this afternoon, though?

-STEVE:

-No.

-What? Why not?!

Mum, why not?

Just listen to what Steve says.

You've been irresponsible in the main street,

and I've seen the way you drive it.

How was I fucking irresponsible?

Mate, the burn-outs you do out here in the paddocks.

I need it this afternoon, so can I use it?

No.

You're a fucking dickhead, then. Thanks a lot.

DANIEL: Well, our little mish this morning to the video shop with Chloe

didn't go exactly according to plan.

But the thing is, I reckon hot chicks are always bitches.

Like, I reckon, like, feral chicks, they're always really nice.

-Have you noticed how nice they are?

-Yeah.

That's because they're trying to make up for not being hot.

They have to try harder to get dudes' attention.

We came up with this plan that we're gonna do,

which is that I'm going to call the video shop,

and I'm going to pretend that I'm Nathan.

It's ringing. It's ringing.

ROBOTIC VOICE: Hello, this is Nathan.

Sims.

Hi, Chloe.

Um, Chloe, I like you and want to go out with you.

Yeah.

Yeah, OK.

OK.

I'll come into the shop, then. Bye.

Fuck, she fell for it!

She fucking fell... Seriously, she thought I was Nath.

She thought I was him! Fuck, man!

I'm going to wear his clothes. I'll just go in wearing his clothes.

Fuck, man, just choose some shit.

Seriously, if she thinks I'm Nath, she's going to put out, man.

Fuck, man! I can't believe it.

BLAKE: It's been pretty quiet, just teaching and that.

-What about Packo, you spoken to him?

-Mm. Nah.

He's a fuckwit. Why would I talk to him?

I heard he's claiming Blakey's as a Fennel Hell Men break.

Yeah, he's a knob. He's a fucking knob, that bloke.

He shot your balls off, he should have gone down for that.

-It's ancient history, mate.

-Oi, you two, back to bed.

Back to bed, you guys.

Kids.

Hey, you know Blake's been offered a Billabong Legends of Surfing tour.

No way! That'd be all time. You doing it?

-No.

-Yeah, he said no.

-Really?

-No, too much on.

-Not feeling it, mate?

-Not feeling it.

Just, like, got to keep an eye on stuff here

with the boys and that.

I'm serious about Packo, mate.

If he shot my fucking balls off,

he would have been fucking dead by now.

Yeah, you're different to me, mate. You hold grudges, mate.

Like, I get over stuff. You don't get over stuff.

-But look what he done!

-Yeah, but that's you, mate.

-I'm different.

-Yeah, fair enough.

-Hey, would it be OK for me to borrow the van?

-Yeah, what are you going to do?

-Just going to cruise around?

-Just go see a few people.

Yeah, for sure, mate. I'll give you the keys.

You got to drop the kids off tomorrow morning.

-I've got that early start.

-Kareena, chill. It's his car.

No, it's cool. Go visit your loved ones. There you go, mate. Enjoy it. Have a good night.

-No worries, man.

-Hey, little fella, how are you?

What's wrong, your undies too tight?

Hey, little buddy, what are you doing?

So good to see you, mate. I'm stoked that you're out.

Likewise, bro, likewise.

I'll come past tomorrow and drop off the van.

I just don't get why you're being all gnarly about him.

-I'm not. He's a bloody drug dealer.

-He got set up.

I don't care. I don't want him round the kids. He gives me the creeps.

-You're an idiot for giving him the van.

-What am I supposed to do?

He's got to visit his family. He's been in jail for three years.

You believe anything he says because he's got the same tattoo as you.

-Why would he lie?

-I don't trust him.

And I don't want people like this in our lives anymore, OK?

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

GRAN: All right, guys, once you've done your hair

then you can line up at the door, please.

Excellent. Right, guys, if you need to go to the dunny, go now,

because we won't be allowed to go later.

How are you going, Talib?

Neaten yourself up.

So Mum's coming today, is she?

Is she bringing Grandma or anyone else?

Just Mum, is it?

Well, I look forward to meeting her.

Are you excited to see Mum?

Good. I thought you might be.

Oh, hello.

Hello, Ruth Sims. Good to meet you.

Mohammed's doing very well. He's a lovely boy.

All right, well, have a great time.

Remember, no touching.

-And you're the sister, are you?

-No, cousin.

Cousin. You're the sister. Good to meet you.

-I love your outfit.

-Thank you.

Very colourful.

-I've got him in the second row.

-Oh, wow.

Mm, yes.

Now, when you spoke to Mum, she said she was coming, right?

She's probably stuck in traffic or something. Don't worry.

On behalf of the people at Garingal

I'd like to welcome you to our Family Day. Hope you enjoy our dance.

HIP-HOP MUSIC

# Slap my elbow You do it like this

# Slap my, slap my elbow You do it like this

# I slap my el, slap my bow

# Slap my el, slap my bow Slap my el, slap my bow

-# Slap my elbow... #

-Now, Mum's not here.

But it doesn't mean she doesn't love you, OK?

Why don't you pop up and dance with the other boys?

Don't let them see that it's getting to you, all right?

Do it for me, mate. Hop up.

# ..slap my bow Slap my el, slap my bow

# Slap my elbow

# Step one, put your arm in front Step two... #

All right, boys, just act normal, OK?

-You got to do this shit, man.

-This is going to fucking work.

Do I look like him? Check this out.

-It looks like Nath?

-Yeah!

Cool. Right.

Wish me luck. I'm going in.

ALL TALK AT ONCE

-Like this.

-Be him.

Hi, Chloe, it's Nathan.

-Dan, what are you doing here?

-It's not Daniel, it's Nathan.

-Dan, I know it's you.

No, it's Nathan. You told me to come in on the phone, so...

-Yeah. I was clearly joking.

-Well...

Dan, I knew that was you that was calling and pretending to be Nathan.

-Do you want to go out or something?

-I see you lurking around here all the time.

You freak me out. I don't want to go out with you.

-Seriously, piss off.

-But you like me.

-You...

-No, I like Nathan.

-I can tell you guys apart.

-Well, I am Nathan, so...

Dan, I know it's you.

I'm wearing his clothes. I'm wearing my own clothes.

You guys live together.

-It's Nathan.

-Dan, seriously.

-It's Nathan!

-I'm trying to work.

Stop calling me Daniel. My name's Nathan.

-Go away! Go away.

-No.

I've had a horrible day, and you're just making it worse.

I don't want to go away, 'cause I'm not even Daniel.

-I'm Nathan.

-Dan, piss off!

-Go... Oh, my God!

-It's a shop anyway.

You're pissing me off. Go away.

I don't have to go, 'cause it's a shop.

You're a fucking weirdo. Can you go away?

You're actually freaking me out. Can you piss off?

-All right.

-Seriously. Thank you.

-Cool.

-Oh, dude!

-Let's go, let's go.

Just go. Go.

-She's a bitch.

-I thought she fucking fell for it.

Dude, did she take the bait, man?

If you'd like to follow me.

This is the mural that the fellas have been working on.

What I've asked the boys to do is to depict themselves

holding an item which is most precious to them.

So as you can see... Is that your iPod there?

That's Marlon with his iPod.

And Jacob's most precious item is his dick. Check it out.

LAUGHTER Settle down.

-Hey, Gran, show them you.

-Yes, this is me here holding my precious item,

which is my guinea pig, Kerri-Anne.

Look at Penny. She's got her hand on your arse.

-Her precious item is your arse, Gran.

-Very amusing.

-Pussy on pussy.

-Excuse me, Jacob!

-Not appropriate!

-Pussy on pussy, you like it like that?

Be sensible, please!

Shut up, or I'll call the whole fucking thing off.

-All of you. MAN:

-Quiet down.

Now, I want you to take this opportunity

to show your friends and your family and your loved ones around the mural,

and use it as an opportunity

to explain what life is like inside Garingal.

DANIEL: Chicks are really cool, but you don't actually need them.

You get a girlfriend, right?

And you think it's going to be all good and that,

but it's actually annoying.

-Fuck yeah.

-You feel so tied down to them and that.

-Trapped.

-Just shit.

None of us have ever had a real girlfriend.

Yeah, 'cause you're too busy having fun.

-Yeah.

-Oi, what are you doing?

DANIEL: We were thinking that we might hang out with the feral chicks,

chill with them, just to see what happens. They seem pretty nice.

What are you doing tonight?

Nothing.

-You seen anyone else around?

-Nah, no-one.

Not to get a girlfriend and that, 'cause they're feral as.

-Just someone to talk to and shit.

-Yeah, just talk to them.

-Yeah, like them and shit.

If I said to the ferals, like,

"I want two of youse to give me a blowie tonight,"

-I reckon they'd come over.

-They probably would.

-Catch ya.

ENGINE REVS

-GIRL:

-Whoo, yeah!

Yeah, I'm pretty much over hot chicks.

Just don't interest me anymore.

What the fuck? Is that Nathan?

-That's him.

-What the fuck is he doing?

-Oi! Nathan!

-Dude, that is Nathan.

What are you doing? Get in the car.

Mum wants you.

-CHLOE: See you, Nathan.

-You smug little bastard.

-Hi, boys.

-Hi. See ya.

-BOY:

-Fuck.

Dickhead. Have you fucked her?

She only fucking likes you 'cause you're deaf.

-KAREENA:

-You've been here all night.

-Chill, it's just questioning.

I swear to God...

-KAREENA:

-Yeah, police came to the door and arrested Blake.

I'm just in so much shock.

They said that apparently Jeff Packard's been shot and he's in intensive care.

And Blake's van was seen driving away from the shooting.

So they think that he was in the van when he wasn't. He was here with me.

-POLICEMAN:

-Back up, please.

-It's all good, babe. All good.

It's all good.

-KAREENA:

-Bloody Mucca Mad boys and that prick Ashley.

I just don't know how to stop it, you know?

I don't know how to stop these boys from doing this.

GRAN: Now, I thought we were talking these days.

Are we or are we not? Yes or no?

Yes.

Right. I thought so.

I've got to say this whole silent thing's

really starting to piss me off.

So when am I going to find out a little bit more about you, Talib?

We've got 18 months together now.

All right, here's an idea.

You tell me one of your deepest, darkest secrets

and I'll tell you one of mine.

All right?

OK.

All right, you go first.

My mum doesn't want to come and see me because she hates me.

Well, that's rubbish.

Mums always love their boys. It's human nature.

So you're wrong there. That's... That's rubbish.

And that's not a secret anyway.

That's just you thinking something that's not true.

What's yours?

Oh, my secret.

Well...

..not many people know my secret.

Only Penny.

It's a very big secret, so you can't tell anyone, all right?

I have a disease called Alzheimer's.

Do you know what that is?

No.

It's a disease of the brain where you...

you get very silly and forgetful,

and you start to forget things.

And you get more and more forgetful until you forget everything.

Actually, can be quite funny at times.

Drives Penny mad.

-Can they fix it?

-No.

That's OK.

We'll be right.

That sun's full on. You got sunscreen on?

Need to get you some sunscreen or you'll get burnt.

Look at you, handsome!

Nice uniform, Sergeant Sims!

"Daniel hurt my feelings. I'm running away forever."

Nathan's gone missing.

-What are the tracks telling you?

-He's headed off in this direction.

-You duffer!

-Nathan!

You reckon he might be out there?

Fuck, I thought it was his head.

-JEN: Today we are at the Ushi Cola ad campaign shoot.

-Arggh!

You're not actually doing the stunt.

It's the magic of television, Tim.

You jump up, leg over,

and you say your line to the camera.

What he don't know don't hurt him.

Ushi Gay!

No way! What the hell?

Stop embarrassing me in front of the whole crew.

We don't always get what we want.

BLAKE: I'm out on bail.

Kareena and the kids have left.

I don't know it'd be such a great loss if she...

I mean, it'd be a great loss.

We just want to look after Blake.

BLAKE: The boys know how to have fun.

-Farts on fire?

-I'd be up for it.

Go a bit more metrosexual, bit more like Jesse's style.

-Mucca, Mucca, Mucca! BOYS:

-Oi, oi, oi!

I'm not gay! I've never been gay.

Good shot.

Why are there naked photos of me as a kid? Were you and Dad paedophiles?