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This programme contains some strong language. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
-Romy, I want you to visit Sri Lanka. Would you like to do that, darling? -No. -Why not? | 0:00:05 | 0:00:10 | |
Sorry... | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
Jesus Christ. | 0:00:12 | 0:00:14 | |
My name's Romesh Ranganathan | 0:00:14 | 0:00:16 | |
and I know absolutely nothing about the culture where my family are from. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:19 | |
My feet are actually burning. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
I know more about Horsham. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:24 | |
That's sad, isn't it? | 0:00:24 | 0:00:27 | |
You are Sri Lankan, but you're a coconut, isn't it? | 0:00:27 | 0:00:29 | |
Ow! Jesus! | 0:00:29 | 0:00:31 | |
-What do you mean I'm a... -You were born and brought up in | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
England, so you speak English, you don't know the language... | 0:00:33 | 0:00:36 | |
You made me a coconut! | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
I'm sending you to Sri Lanka to learn about the religion, | 0:00:38 | 0:00:42 | |
the language, about my relations, and learn about their culture. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:47 | |
Shit! | 0:00:49 | 0:00:50 | |
My mum's put me up for doing a tour of Sri Lanka. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
And I do want to go and do it, but I'm not doing it cos my mum | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
told me to, except for the fact that my mum told me to and I am doing it. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:02 | |
Ow! Ooh! | 0:01:04 | 0:01:05 | |
Ow! Oh! | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
Oh, mate! OK, I'm done. I'm done. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
Who am I going to be meeting? | 0:01:16 | 0:01:17 | |
Thiru. He's going to teach you or explain to you | 0:01:17 | 0:01:22 | |
how to be a Sri Lankan. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
Who is Thiru? | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
Thiru is my father's side relations. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
Is he definitely related to us? | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
I don't want to turn up there | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
and then just some random Sri Lankan guy... | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
He's not a random Sri Lankan guy. You're asking so many questions. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:38 | |
No, I'm just asking one question! | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
How are we related to Thiru? | 0:01:40 | 0:01:41 | |
Well, I can't answer that. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
Thiru's supposed to be meeting me, but I can't... Well, he's not here. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:55 | |
What do I do? | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
-Romy? -Yeah, hello. Sorry, who are you? | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
Thiru my boss. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
Oh, hello. How are you doing? Romesh. Oh, are you to pick me up? | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
So where's Thiru? Is Thiru coming? | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
Thiru, yes. Thiru. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:09 | |
He's coming here? | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
Can you just give me one minute? Sorry, I just need to... | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
Very quickly. I just need to make a quick phone call. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:16 | |
Mate, he's got your luggage. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
Er, sorry, what was your name? | 0:02:20 | 0:02:22 | |
Aravinda. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
Are we going to see Thiru now? | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
Ah... | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
Is... Are we... Where is Thiru now? | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
Thiru boss. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
No, I know, but where is he? | 0:02:42 | 0:02:43 | |
Where am I going? | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
Well, Thiru's house. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:55 | |
Yeah. That's where we're going, isn't it? | 0:02:57 | 0:03:00 | |
Isn't that where we're going? | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
What is he...? | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
Where is he? | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
Oh, here we go. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:15 | |
This, take. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
What's this now? | 0:03:27 | 0:03:28 | |
It's getting dark now, isn't it? | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
What was your favourite bit of the day? | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
I think my favourite bit was the realisation that I've been kidnapped. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:40 | |
Hello. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
What was... What happened there? | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
Ah, one cash collection. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
Cash collection? | 0:03:49 | 0:03:50 | |
Have you ever seen the film Taken? | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
Genuinely the shittest thing ever, this. Isn't it? | 0:04:00 | 0:04:04 | |
Can you just take me to the hotel, mate? | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
How are you feeling this morning? | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
Well, yesterday was a write-off. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
But Thiru is meant to be coming today. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
And I'm quite excited, because I was sort of thinking | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
I would set up something, and I thought, "I'm into hip hop. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
"Why not try and find some Sri Lankan hip hop?" | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
Which I have found. I could have left it there, but I didn't. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
I got in touch with them to try and set up a rap battle. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
But anyway, | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
today is all about me hanging out with Uncle Thiru, | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
getting to know him, having a great time. Me and Thiru - bam, bam, bam! | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
Romesh and Thiru on the town, proper bad boys! | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
Thiru apparently can't make it today. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
He sent Aravinda | 0:05:03 | 0:05:06 | |
who smells amazing. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:08 | |
All right, Aravinda? | 0:05:08 | 0:05:10 | |
Yes, sir. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:11 | |
Good, legend. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
My mum says, like, because I'm having this journey, | 0:05:13 | 0:05:16 | |
I've got to have some sort of blessing. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:18 | |
It's going to be a nice way to kick the whole thing off. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:21 | |
I think you get the blessing. | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
It's a big thing for you. You never experience anything like that. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:32 | |
In England, you have been three or four times to the temple. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:36 | |
-But did you understand anything? -No. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
Rubber tree, rubber tree. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:46 | |
Rubber tree. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
Oh, right. Cool. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:50 | |
He's very good at just any time he spots something, | 0:05:50 | 0:05:55 | |
just pointing it out. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
Some people might talk about the rubber tree a bit more, | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
but he's just, "That's rubber tree." | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
You know, you've got what you need out of that conversation. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:05 | |
Then he just carries on driving. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
But I forgive him for that, because... | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
Well, he really does smell amazing. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
-Hello. -Hello. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:23 | |
I'm Romesh. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
So what is this? | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
OK? | 0:06:38 | 0:06:39 | |
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:40 | |
Thanks. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:49 | |
OK, so this is properly, | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
100% my parents' culture that I'm getting here? | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
Yes, yes. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:18 | |
DRUM BEAT | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
SINGING | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
I don't think my mum fully knew what this was. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:50 | |
I've been to the temple with my mum. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
They've never done anything like that. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
You don't come out wearing that with that haircut | 0:08:01 | 0:08:04 | |
unless you're going to do some crazy shit. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
One of the priests | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
looks like the Asian Oliver Hardy. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
I think it's one of the weirdest nights of my life. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:18 | |
My mum's Hindu. My dad was Hindu. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
But this isn't Hindu. I've asked the guy. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
He said, "It's from India, | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
"and it's become merged with Sri Lankan culture," | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
but it's not attached to religion, | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
and then when I pushed him on that, he said, "Black magic." | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
Then when I did the face that normal humans would do when you hear | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
the words, "Black magic," he went, "No, no, no, no, black magic." | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
So anyway, they built this, like, cage | 0:08:50 | 0:08:53 | |
and then Aravinda said to me, "You've got to go in there. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:55 | |
"And then you're not allowed to leave, once you're in there." | 0:08:55 | 0:08:59 | |
He starts dancing. Just starts, like, bopping around and then... | 0:09:02 | 0:09:06 | |
Well, you saw what fucking happened. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:10 | |
He comes into the cage where I'm sitting in. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
I don't know how to... I'm hesitating to say it. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
He fucking rubbed my head with a chicken. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
PRIEST SHOUTS | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Just rubbed it, like... | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
PRIEST SHOUTS | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
Just kept rubbing my head with the chicken like he was drying it. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:38 | |
Like he's drying my hairs | 0:09:38 | 0:09:39 | |
with a fucking chicken. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:40 | |
PRIEST ULULATES | 0:09:40 | 0:09:43 | |
Pulls a sword out... | 0:09:43 | 0:09:45 | |
PRIEST LAUGHS | 0:09:45 | 0:09:47 | |
But he's got no knife skills, so the blade's, | 0:09:47 | 0:09:49 | |
like, going right past my arm here, right past my knee here. | 0:09:49 | 0:09:55 | |
Just going for it. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
It was mental. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
If I saw that in a film, I'd go, | 0:10:07 | 0:10:10 | |
"That's a bit stereotypical. They're taking the piss a bit, aren't they?" | 0:10:10 | 0:10:13 | |
Except I saw it, mate. I lived it. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
I had my head rubbed with a chicken. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:18 | |
PRIEST LAUGHS | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
PRIEST ULULATES | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
-Hello. -You all right? | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
Oh, come in if you want. Yeah, go for it. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
Don't... Don't get that. Check this out, dude. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
Pretty sweet. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
ELEPHANT TRUMPETS | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
Last night was one of the most frightening | 0:10:53 | 0:10:56 | |
experiences I've ever had. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:58 | |
Like, genuinely, I don't know if that comes across, | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
but I found it terrifying. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
It didn't seem like any religious thing I'd ever seen before, | 0:11:02 | 0:11:06 | |
but apparently it's what they do. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:09 | |
Having said all of that, we've got a wicked day ahead of us. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
We're going to the elephant sanctuary. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
Which I'm excited about. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
I'm actually going to meet Thiru. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
I just want to get to know Thiru, but also the other thing is, he | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
sort of knows my dad, you know, and I only saw really one side of my dad. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:26 | |
Cos my mum sort of tells me that my dad loved Sri Lanka. | 0:11:26 | 0:11:31 | |
He loved Sri Lankan culture. You know, he loved that part of his life. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:34 | |
I feel like there's this whole side of my dad that I don't really know, | 0:11:34 | 0:11:38 | |
and I'd like to hear about what my dad was like in Sri Lanka. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:41 | |
Cos I imagine it'd be like... Maybe like he's a different guy. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:45 | |
This month, my birthday. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
Really? | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
Will you get a cake or something? | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
-Huh? -Get you a cake? | 0:11:55 | 0:11:56 | |
No, no. I give cake. | 0:11:56 | 0:11:58 | |
You don't give cake, I give cake. | 0:11:58 | 0:12:00 | |
My birthday, I give cake. | 0:12:00 | 0:12:02 | |
No. Your birthday, I give cake. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
No. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
Me give cake. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
No. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:10 | |
My birthday, you give cake. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:13 | |
Your birthday, I give cake. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
No, no, no. Me give cake. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:17 | |
No. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
I think, Mum, what I'd like to do is see the elephants. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
Oh, that's a lovely idea. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
You should participate in everything - cleaning and giving them | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
a bath and riding, yeah? | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
No, I don't want to ride or clean them. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:39 | |
-I just want to go and have a look at them. I might stroke one. -No, no, no. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
You must do that. Let me talk to Thiru. I will tell you everything. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:45 | |
Then you can sort it out, OK? | 0:12:45 | 0:12:47 | |
-I don't want to... -Please, please, Romesh. Do that. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:51 | |
HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS | 0:12:51 | 0:12:55 | |
-Hello. -Hi. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:02 | |
How are you? Romesh. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
Hi, Romesh. How are you, OK? | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
What do I call you, Uncle? | 0:13:06 | 0:13:07 | |
Ah! You can call Uncle, no problem. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
OK. How are you? | 0:13:10 | 0:13:11 | |
-I'm OK. -How's it going? | 0:13:11 | 0:13:13 | |
Yeah, good. You ready to go and see the elephants? | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
Yeah, I'm well up for it. I'm very excited. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
So how do these elephants end up here? | 0:13:20 | 0:13:23 | |
We have to pay the owners and we give them a better life here. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:27 | |
Come, we can go down. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:28 | |
Have you done this before? | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
Yeah. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:31 | |
And then you scrub. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
-Like this? -Yeah. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
To take the mud out. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
They like this, right? | 0:13:40 | 0:13:41 | |
Yeah, they love it. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
-So, Uncle Thiru... -Yes? | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
What exactly is our relation, do you know? | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
Your dad is my good friend. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
We are business partners in Sri Lanka one time. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
But we're also related as well? | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
Yes. Your mother's father's sister married one of my uncles. | 0:13:58 | 0:14:03 | |
What are we then? We're, like, cousins? Are we cousins? | 0:14:03 | 0:14:06 | |
-Yeah, it's complicated, you know? -Yeah. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
Now, there is a factory here. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:10 | |
They are doing a lot of business here. They export papers. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
What papers? | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
They take all from the elephant a lot of poop, like, you know... | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
-The poop? -Yes. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:19 | |
-You can buy a factory here. -Buy a factory? | 0:14:19 | 0:14:21 | |
-Yes. -What, buy an elephant dung factory? | 0:14:21 | 0:14:24 | |
Yeah, you can export the papers. You can make money. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
I can show you, they make books and everything. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
Doesn't smell. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
-This is elephant dung? -Yes. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
Do you like it, interested? | 0:14:37 | 0:14:39 | |
Well, I don't know if I'm going to buy the factory, but... | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
Why is he suggesting... I never... | 0:14:42 | 0:14:44 | |
I didn't say that I was interested in starting up a business. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
I didn't come here... I mean, that's not the point of the show. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:49 | |
It's not Romesh Does Dragon's Den in Sri Lanka. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
Look for some clients in your country so we can... | 0:14:52 | 0:14:56 | |
Well, it's not really a familiar product. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
No, but it is a unique product. There's a big market for this. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:02 | |
-Yeah, it is unique. -Yes. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:03 | |
Let me collect the wheelbarrow from here, | 0:15:03 | 0:15:05 | |
because we're going to collect some dung and taken back to the factory. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:09 | |
When have you known when somebody's thinking about investing? | 0:15:09 | 0:15:12 | |
You say, "Well, if you will want to invest in this, you've got to go do like everything. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:16 | |
Do all the jobs, if you're thinking about investing." Nobody does that. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:19 | |
Here. Pick it with your hands. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
Ah! | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
-Shit! -That's it. That's it. There you go. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:27 | |
A few more. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
-That one, mate. -I'll do that. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:32 | |
That looks like it's seen an arsehole like 30 seconds ago. | 0:15:32 | 0:15:35 | |
-I'll do that. -So then I'm picking up elephant shit, dropping it in elephant urine. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:39 | |
He's just stood... He was miles away. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:42 | |
What are you doing over there? | 0:15:42 | 0:15:43 | |
-Watching the elephant. -Sorry, is this the first time you've seen an elephant today? | 0:15:43 | 0:15:47 | |
They're wandering all over the shop, mate, and now, what, | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
you're suddenly, "Oh, there's an elephant!" | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
Might as well take a gander at that while my relative that I've | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
just met is just picking up elephant shit with his bare hands. | 0:15:55 | 0:15:58 | |
You should seriously think about investing in this | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
and, you know, try to find some buyers and... | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
It's a good investment if you make money. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
Yeah. No, I got that. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:06 | |
And it's such fun collecting the er, the shit. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
-We want you to invest in this. -No, I'll definitely think about it. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:12 | |
-Thank you so much. -OK. -I didn't wash my hands. Thank you. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:15 | |
-OK. -Thank you. Thank you. -Nice meeting you. -Thank you. All right. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:18 | |
You all right? | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
I'm going to have a think about it. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
I mean, it still smells of elephant shit. I don't... Oh! | 0:16:32 | 0:16:36 | |
But, on a plus note, I have actually managed... | 0:16:39 | 0:16:45 | |
Well, something quite exciting. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:46 | |
I managed to hook up this... link up with a Sri Lankan rap group. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:49 | |
They're bang up for it. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:51 | |
Like, they've done, like, a whole event. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
They've even done a flyer, poster, on the poster, | 0:16:54 | 0:16:58 | |
I'm listed as "special Europe artist". | 0:16:58 | 0:17:02 | |
It smells like a burrito. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
I have spoken to Thiru about this fishing thing. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:15 | |
Because where I was born and brought up, | 0:17:15 | 0:17:17 | |
and we always see these people going fishing the traditional way. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:22 | |
I don't like the idea of fishing. I'm a vegan. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:25 | |
No, I don't like it. You must do it. You must experience it. Please. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:29 | |
-Why? -I've given you all of the explanation why. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:33 | |
But you keep on, "Why? Why?" | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
Don't say that! "OK, Mum, I'll do it." | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
Aravinda, do you like rap music? | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
-Rap? -Rap. Do you like it? | 0:17:46 | 0:17:49 | |
What's rap? Rap music. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:52 | |
# You could change your pace on anyone's set | 0:17:52 | 0:17:53 | |
# Yeah, I head Stormzy's not that deep... # | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
Rap music? | 0:17:55 | 0:17:56 | |
# Said that is the real thing That's not weak, that's energy | 0:17:56 | 0:17:58 | |
# Man used the wordplay cleverly, | 0:17:58 | 0:18:00 | |
# In life you get friends, associates, enemies | 0:18:00 | 0:18:01 | |
# Dons rate the OG, I done this Big up Angel, Sneakbo, you run this | 0:18:01 | 0:18:04 | |
# Been my don since Roman market Riko, Gods Gift, Danny Weed, Target | 0:18:04 | 0:18:09 | |
# Badman chain, badman car Badman aim | 0:18:09 | 0:18:11 | |
# Garments, footwear too, badman lyrics and a badman tune... # | 0:18:11 | 0:18:14 | |
Aravinda brought me here. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:17 | |
We're supposed to meet Thiru but he's just text me | 0:18:17 | 0:18:20 | |
to say he's running late. I thought I'd just come here, have a look, | 0:18:20 | 0:18:23 | |
say hello to a couple of them | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
and go, but I feel like an ungrateful Westerner or something, d'you know | 0:18:25 | 0:18:28 | |
what I mean, just coming and like, it's a bit... | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
I have to do it. I... | 0:18:31 | 0:18:32 | |
As I'm finding it difficult to say what I want to do. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
But I want to get this done quick time, let's do it, | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
and then let's head off to the rap battle. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:40 | |
Get in the clothes, get out into the sea. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
-Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. -Catch a fish, kill the fish, get out. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:47 | |
There's a lot of things that you said there. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
I agree with "Get out", I agree with "Get in". | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
Everything in between those things - go fuck yourself, mate. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:55 | |
-Where's Thiru? -Eh? -Thiru. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:34 | |
-Thiru! -Eh? | 0:19:34 | 0:19:35 | |
Unbelievable. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
-Sir! See that man? -Yeah, I can see him. | 0:19:44 | 0:19:46 | |
Ah, see properly? | 0:19:46 | 0:19:48 | |
Do like that! You catching fish. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:50 | |
Stick! No putting inside. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:53 | |
You stick putting inside, fish no coming! | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
-Like this? -No, no, no, no, no! | 0:19:56 | 0:19:57 | |
-Don't do that? -Stick outside. | 0:19:57 | 0:20:00 | |
-Don't do that? -Just, just... | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
-Ah, no catching fish! -Don't do that? -No coming inside! | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
-Don't do that? You don't want me to do this? -Bad, bad, no! -You don't want me to do that? -No, no, no, no! | 0:20:05 | 0:20:10 | |
You don't want me to do that at all? | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
You know, boss, calling saying, "No coming today." You understanding? | 0:20:29 | 0:20:33 | |
-He's not coming? -He is not coming. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 | |
-Why am I here, then? -He busy. Very busy. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:39 | |
Can you come and get me, please? | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
Shit! | 0:20:43 | 0:20:44 | |
I think we can safely assume I'm not going to get one. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:50 | |
I think...I can't believe I'm the only one this hasn't become apparent to. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:54 | |
It's a bit of a bad ending if you don't get one, isn't it? | 0:20:54 | 0:20:58 | |
Bad ending would be me coming back to the beach | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
and then bludgeoning you to death with this. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:02 | |
That would be the ending. Absolute. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:04 | |
The truth is, I'm actually glad I didn't catch a fish, cos I don't want to catch a fish. | 0:21:07 | 0:21:10 | |
But I sat there and I did it, and I can go home and say, "I did it". | 0:21:10 | 0:21:13 | |
A few months ago, you asked me about stilt fishing and I'd never seen it. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:17 | |
I didn't even know what it is. Now, I can say I've done it. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:19 | |
That's actually quite cool. | 0:21:19 | 0:21:22 | |
Having said that, I was sat on a stick for four hours. | 0:21:22 | 0:21:26 | |
Can somebody get me down? Get me down! | 0:21:27 | 0:21:30 | |
You're in control. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
How am I in control? I can't get down. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:36 | |
Show me the control. Thiru's not even bothered to turn up. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
I mean, this is supposed to be a part of the thing. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
Then he phones up my mum and says, | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
"Oh, Romesh did the thing with fishing," and my mum goes, "Oh! | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
"I'm so happy. I love him. He's not a coconut any more." | 0:21:46 | 0:21:50 | |
What doing? | 0:21:50 | 0:21:52 | |
-Hold on! -Careful! | 0:21:52 | 0:21:54 | |
-So why did you decide to come back? -Do you want to know the honest truth? | 0:21:55 | 0:21:58 | |
The honest truth is, I would have quit after half an hour. | 0:21:58 | 0:22:01 | |
But I didn't realise I could get down unaided. | 0:22:01 | 0:22:04 | |
Careful! Careful! | 0:22:04 | 0:22:05 | |
I could have come back three and a half hours before I did. | 0:22:05 | 0:22:08 | |
-Can we go and do the rap battle? -Yeah, all right. | 0:22:09 | 0:22:12 | |
-OK. Let's go, then. Come on. -Is it definitely worth me filming? | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
Are you...? Sorry? Will it be worth filming? | 0:22:14 | 0:22:17 | |
I think it would be better than four hours of a bloke on a stick, mate. | 0:22:17 | 0:22:21 | |
Are you joking? | 0:22:21 | 0:22:22 | |
You're confident it's going to be good? | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
I think it'll be better than that. | 0:22:26 | 0:22:28 | |
I'll maybe take some minutes out of the four hours I sat on a stick, | 0:22:28 | 0:22:32 | |
maybe remove one of the laundry collections. | 0:22:32 | 0:22:35 | |
Take one of those out and replace it with a rap battle. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:38 | |
-Hello. -Hi, guys. Hey, man. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:09 | |
Hi, I'm Romesh. I know. I'm so sorry I'm late. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
-Yeah, we'll take him up to the stage. You're on in ten minutes' time. -Ten minutes? -Yeah. | 0:23:12 | 0:23:16 | |
-What are we doing? -Take the stage. -In ten minutes? | 0:23:16 | 0:23:18 | |
Yeah, ten minutes' time. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:20 | |
-Are you ready? -Ready. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:21 | |
-You're ready? -Yeah. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:23 | |
I'm glad you're ready. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:25 | |
-Can I have 20 minutes, maybe? -Ten minutes' time, OK? | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
Oh, God. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:32 | |
Mate, I cannot go on stage in ten minutes. Seriously. | 0:23:37 | 0:23:39 | |
Were you not writing anything in the car? | 0:23:39 | 0:23:41 | |
How can I? Aravinda was, like, singing Tamil songs all the time. | 0:23:41 | 0:23:45 | |
HE SINGS TAMIL SONG | 0:23:45 | 0:23:47 | |
That's all I've got in my head. | 0:23:47 | 0:23:49 | |
I can't do it in ten minutes. I cannot do it in ten minutes, so... | 0:23:58 | 0:24:03 | |
I'm just going to come out and go, "Yeah! Hey, ho! | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
"OK, I'll be the special Europe artist! I'm out." | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
Is that what you want? That's what's going to happen. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:10 | |
I went out very big. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:35 | |
I put my arms up and obviously that's OK when the crowd know you | 0:24:35 | 0:24:39 | |
and are actually excited to see you. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:42 | |
When you're just some nobody that's just walking onto the stage, | 0:24:42 | 0:24:45 | |
it actually has a very different effect. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:48 | |
Guys, I'm from the UK. When I say "U", you say "K". | 0:24:48 | 0:24:51 | |
U! U! | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
When I say "hip", you say "hop"! Hip! | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
Listen, I did some pretty corny things, like, | 0:24:56 | 0:25:00 | |
"When I say hip, you say hop". | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
That is something that I think went out in like '83, but still, | 0:25:02 | 0:25:06 | |
I just wanted something to get me started. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:09 | |
OK, can we just have a little beat, please. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:11 | |
But I got them into it, you know, started splitting the bars | 0:25:11 | 0:25:15 | |
and stuff. And, you know, | 0:25:15 | 0:25:16 | |
I thought I gave an all right account of myself. | 0:25:16 | 0:25:19 | |
# I bring the butter You know this ain't no margarine | 0:25:21 | 0:25:23 | |
# I'm quick to clean up the scene like my name was MC Windowlene | 0:25:23 | 0:25:26 | |
# I'm in your face, like the mace I'm from the canister | 0:25:26 | 0:25:29 | |
# My lyrics bring the pain of testicles hanging on bannisters | 0:25:29 | 0:25:31 | |
# When you're skipping stairs the battle just ain't fair | 0:25:31 | 0:25:34 | |
# You're lyrically impaired cos your knees are knocking cos you're scared | 0:25:34 | 0:25:37 | |
# I'm reckless I dominate this other game | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
# Look into your room... # | 0:25:39 | 0:25:42 | |
Your rap was good, but you didn't actually battle them, did you? | 0:25:42 | 0:25:45 | |
Well, they just seemed nice, so I didn't want to like, you know, they've invited me to their thing. | 0:25:45 | 0:25:49 | |
I just thought, I don't want to be disrespectful. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:51 | |
# What you don't know About the rap game | 0:25:51 | 0:25:54 | |
# Is the title of my next book | 0:25:54 | 0:25:55 | |
# Every time I rap You start to shudder | 0:25:55 | 0:25:58 | |
# What's up? # HE RAPS IN OWN LANGUAGE | 0:25:58 | 0:26:00 | |
Oh! | 0:26:00 | 0:26:01 | |
But, just before the end, one of them | 0:26:01 | 0:26:05 | |
sort of quite got into my face... | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
INDISTINCT RAPPING | 0:26:07 | 0:26:10 | |
..in a way that suggested he wasn't being nice about me. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:23 | |
He also sort of went like that in a way that I'd been doing | 0:26:23 | 0:26:26 | |
which made me think he was mimicking me | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
and that got a bigger response than anything I did. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
INDISTINCT RAPPING | 0:26:32 | 0:26:34 | |
CHEERING | 0:26:34 | 0:26:35 | |
If I'm being absolutely honest, | 0:26:37 | 0:26:38 | |
I do actually think this week has been great, | 0:26:38 | 0:26:40 | |
just being in the country has been, like, really amazing, | 0:26:40 | 0:26:44 | |
like, I've loved it. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:46 | |
But it's just a shame that I didn't get to know Thiru more | 0:26:46 | 0:26:49 | |
because part of the thing is, | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
I'm supposed to be getting to know my family. | 0:26:51 | 0:26:53 | |
The biggest thing I've got out of this week is making friends | 0:26:53 | 0:26:56 | |
with Aravinda. I've made friends with Thiru's driver instead of Thiru. | 0:26:56 | 0:27:01 | |
Drive carefully. Good luck with the cash collection, laundry collection. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:06 | |
-Yes. You like? -I loved it. | 0:27:06 | 0:27:08 | |
-See you. -I bonded with him. | 0:27:08 | 0:27:10 | |
One week in, I already feel like, | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
I sort of... I feel like less of an alien in Sri Lanka, | 0:27:12 | 0:27:15 | |
to be honest with you. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:17 | |
Did you know... You know that guy you were talking about? | 0:27:17 | 0:27:19 | |
-The guy with the cap-baseball cap? -Yeah. | 0:27:19 | 0:27:21 | |
I got someone to translate what he said. | 0:27:21 | 0:27:23 | |
-Do you want to know? -Yes. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:26 | |
"Who told this brown white man he could rap with us? | 0:27:26 | 0:27:30 | |
"It's a little suspicious that you don't have kids | 0:27:32 | 0:27:35 | |
"after you've gotten married. | 0:27:35 | 0:27:37 | |
"Tell us the truth, aren't you really gay? | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
"He sucks all sorts of cocks." | 0:27:45 | 0:27:46 | |
Well, that's not true. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:48 | |
This is like, I would say to my mum, | 0:27:49 | 0:27:51 | |
I totally get why you wanted me to come and do this. | 0:27:51 | 0:27:54 | |
-You want it through here? -Whoa! -Or through your back with the hook? | 0:27:57 | 0:28:00 | |
I don't want to do any of it. | 0:28:00 | 0:28:01 |