Uncle Ragu Asian Provocateur


Uncle Ragu

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Romi, I want you to visit Sri Lanka.

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Would you like to do that, darling?

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No.

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Why not?

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Sorry.

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Jesus Christ.

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My name's Romesh Ranganathan and I know absolutely

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nothing about the culture of where my family are from.

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My feet are actually burning.

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I know more about Horsham.

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That's sad, isn't it?

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You are a Sri Lankan, but you're a coconut, isn't it?

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Ow! Jesus!

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'What do you mean, I'm a coconut?'

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You were born and brought up in England,

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so you speak English, you don't know the language.

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You made me a coconut.

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Oh!

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Yeah, I'm sending you to Sri Lanka to learn about the religion,

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the language...

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Argh!

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..about my relations and learn about their culture.

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Shit!

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My mum's put me up for doing a tour of Sri Lanka and I do want to go

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and do it, but I'm not doing it cos my mum told me to,

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except for the fact that my mum told me to and I am doing it.

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Oh!

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Oh!

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Ooh!

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Ow! Ah! Mate, OK, yeah, I'm done, I'm done.

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You are meeting Ragu in Batticaloa...

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Yeah.

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..and he will take you to meet all the relations.

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How do I get to Batticaloa?

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Get a local bus or something.

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Well, I found... This is the bus station but I don't know where...

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Doesn't say where the actual ticket...you buy the tickets.

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I'm excited to be here.

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You know, some people might say maybe it's difficult to be

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excited because you've now got to get an 11-hour bus

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journey across the whole country to go to Batticaloa,

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my mum's home town, and the bus hasn't been arranged

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and actually it's the least convenient method of transport.

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Bus to Batticaloa.

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Some people might say that. Not me.

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I'm bang up for it, I'm in Sri Lanka,

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can't wait to get on the bus, mate.

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Got a semi.

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What if I get the wrong bus or something?

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-You won't.

-How do you know that?

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Because it's written. I mean, if you learn Tamil, then you will know.

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Oh, great(!) Well, that's fine.

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It's written in English, Sinhala and Tamil.

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-It's in English as well?

-Yes.

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I mean, what the hell does that mean?

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Batticaloa.

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Batticaloa. Batticaloa over here.

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Thank you.

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Well, we're on a bus to Batticaloa because my mum

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decided it would be, like, part of the authentic experience.

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Unfortunately, I brought the big suitcase, old Bertha.

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It does often feel like the worst thing I could have brought,

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but I've got 30 pairs of boxer shorts.

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That takes up a lot of room.

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Why? Are you worried about having an accident?

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No. I like to do, like, a midday change.

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I tell you what is nice - stick a pair of boxers in the freezer

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on a hot day, slip them on -

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oh!

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Like bog roll in the freezer after you've had a really hot curry.

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Have you done that?

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-You're joking!

-No.

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You must have done, everyone's done that, haven't they?

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So you put toilet roll in the freezer?

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Like, if I've had a real ring stinger, it's amazing.

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I mean, like, you're making me

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feel bad about doing something incredible.

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This authentic experience, you go on the bus for 12 hours.

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What's authentic? It's bullshit.

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Tell you what I'm going to do, I'll put bog roll in the freezer

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and then I'm going to bloody bed, mate. That's what's happening.

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I'm meeting my Uncle Ragu.

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My mum told me to meet him here.

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My Uncle Ragu's, like, one of my dad's younger brothers

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and he's just basically a legend.

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He's going to sort of introduce me to some of our relatives or something.

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I'm very excited about seeing Uncle Ragu, let's just say that.

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Good. That's good, and talk about Buddhism,

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and if you can absorb a lot of good things from him, that'll be nice.

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-Well, he might...

-I'm glad that...

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..he might absorb some good things from me.

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Definitely, definitely, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Yeah, I've got some qualities.

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I'm not saying you don't have any good qualities.

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-You have got lots of it.

-What in particular?

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But if you lose a bit more weight, now that'll be great, OK?

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Hey, Rom.

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Oh, my God.

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How are you, mate?

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Oh, my God.

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Oh, shit. Freaking hell.

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You've grown, bro.

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No, I haven't. How are you? You look brilliant.

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-Not too bad, not too bad.

-You look like me, basically.

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This is the place where it all started, you know?

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Yeah.

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You know, your grandma, your dad's mother,

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-actually she was born in this village.

-Uh-huh.

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And we are walking that village now, right?

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HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

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All right.

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Hello.

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-She's also Shanthi's auntie as well...

-Oh, OK.

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..at the same time, you know?

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In both ways she is related to you.

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Oh, my God, yeah, you're going to have everyone hugging you

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and they can see your dad...

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Yeah.

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-And you to come here...

-Yeah.

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-..is bringing up so much memories for them, right?

-Oh, right.

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Of my mother and...

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Oh! Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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Yeah. Thank you, thank you.

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It is pretty hard to sort of handle, isn't it?

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Yeah, it's a bit...

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This is, like, one of the things where you can say...

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I would say to my mum, "I totally get why you wanted me to come

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"and do this," do you know what I mean?

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The fact that I haven't connected with any of this at all,

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I found it upsetting, you know?

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Like, I was sort of thinking there's this whole, like, back story

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here that, were it not for me coming here, I wouldn't have been aware of.

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How many people here am I actually related to, do you know?

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Yeah.

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HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

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Rom, you are surrounded by your close relatives, mate.

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That's crazy.

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So here, everybody gets married to their relatives, right, normally

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because, like, in our culture, you could have actually married

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-Shobela, for example, because...

-Right.

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..you know, that's only Ranga's sister's kid.

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Yeah.

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I'd say one of the surprises is how close-knit the family are,

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and what I mean by close-knit is, a lot of cousin-on-cousin

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action going on that I wasn't aware of and, you know,

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I don't know... I don't know what sort of effect that does

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have on genetics, but I do have a lazy eye.

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I found it pretty amazing, the whole thing, to be honest.

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Yeah, yeah. It's just unbelievable.

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-I'm taking you now to your cousin's house, right?

-Right.

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We got to meet up with them and enjoy a nice meal with them

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and spend a night, just because we're here.

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We're going... No, listen. We're going, we'll have dinner,

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we hang out, then we go.

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-Because I'm not, I can't, I'm not staying.

-OK, come on.

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(I'm not staying. I am not staying here.)

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(I promise you.)

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We are here.

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THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE

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What did they say?

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Yeah, she's saying that they want you to stay

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and they normally sleep out here.

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-What do you mean, out here?

-A nice mat.

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Yeah, here, because veranda you've got the cool breeze coming through,

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right here.

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Now, this is the toilet.

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This'll be an experience but there's nothing dirty about it.

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Except I think you may...

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You have to get a bit of practice sitting on it.

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HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

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So I was saying that you are English born and bred so nobody's fault.

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So what do you think, bro?

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Yeah, great. I think we need to have a... Can we have a chat?

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Yeah, sure, yeah.

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-I love this, this is all nice.

-Yeah, yeah.

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All I'm saying is,

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the prospect of staying here makes me feel uncomfortable.

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I'm fighting with the fact that I don't want to be rude

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to my family because I love my family versus the fact

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I'm a lazy, horrible, home-comforts-wanting pig.

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Let's say that your dad was with you today, all right?

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Yeah.

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I feel bad that your dad should have been here really with you,

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but in the same token I'm here and I feel like somehow this job's

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been given to me to play your dad's part in this particular instant.

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But tonight, please, for my sake, Rom, just one night, brother.

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I love you, all right? Just one night, please.

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We don't have to sleep, we'll just sit out there and chat

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-because I want to tell you some stories, right?

-OK, fine.

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-About your dad. Cool, thank you very much.

-Fine, I'm in.

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I do appreciate it, honestly. Thank you very much, Rom.

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I'm worried about it but I'm going to do it.

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I'm getting stuck in, partly because, you know,

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I want to be the good person and partly because my uncle

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emotionally blackmailed me into it and trapped me.

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Those things working together are the reason that I'm now staying there.

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Obviously, you know, if we were just staying here, that might

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be something approaching OK.

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But, no, he's taking me to something that he's described as a nice

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surprise that involves snakes.

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CROWD: Whoa! Whoa!

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What's happening now?

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So I brought you in here because if you've got any ailments...

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Just a lazy eye.

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-Just lazy eye, that's it?

-Yeah.

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This will help you get well.

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CROWD: Whoa!

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He's taken me to see a...

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I don't know how to describe it, really.

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It's snake man.

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Apparently he's possessed by a snake god and then blesses people...

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HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

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..and they, like, give him their problems and stuff

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and he sort of solves them.

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Yeah, he's saying, "Is it true that you have some body pain

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"and you can feel some pain and that,

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"you know, is that true?"

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Yeah, sometimes, yeah.

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Yeah.

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And you went in there trying to cure your eye defect.

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I never said eye defect.

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You feel pressure, actually, because, like... But there's

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part of me thinking, "What if this guy can solve anything?"

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And then you start thinking, "What if I asked for the wrong thing?"

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Then I started thinking,

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"I don't really want my lazy eye gone, it doesn't really bother me."

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If anything, it'll make merchandising easier in the future.

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I imagine that it would be easy for people to watch that guy

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and think it's so ridiculous that

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he's pretending to be something that he's not.

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Even if he was... Let's hypothesise that he is a fake

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and he's just putting it on, he's making people feel better.

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It's no different to what people in the West do.

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You know, Iggy Azalea, for example,

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is she doing anything different to the snake dude?

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I would argue not.

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She's an Australian white woman, who every so often,

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when she's in a recording studio, gets possessed by a black woman

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from the south and starts talking like that.

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You know, is that any different? I don't think it is.

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How you feeling this morning, mate?

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-How do I feel?

-Yeah.

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Like shit, mate. Stir-fried shit.

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I feel dreadful.

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Like, really dreadful.

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To the point where...

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You know, I know I moan a lot, I'm fully aware of that,

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but this, actually, I don't know if I can actually do it.

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-You need to make this pilgrimage?

-Yeah. Pada Yatra.

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-What is it?

-It's a spiritual thing.

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People start walking for a long distance,

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but I want you to do that as well.

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How long's it last?

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Depends on how fast these people walk,

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but it might last so many days.

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Like, how many days?

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Sometimes a month, two months, darling.

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Two months?!

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Depends on how far the temple is.

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What is this? What is going on here?

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-Yeah, you have to carry that.

-Why?

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Because it's part of the, you know, the ceremony.

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What is in there? Is this tradition, 7 Up?

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Yeah. Use that bottle. I think it's water.

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So we're going to walk to Kataragama from here...

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-How far is it?

-200km, that's all.

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I just don't understand how you swung it

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so that you get the spear and I'm carrying a bag of coconuts and...

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I was just... Because maybe because I'm old, then.

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Don't come to me for water, by the way.

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You just nourish yourself with that spear.

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If you get thirsty, let's see how that works out for you.

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Well, by the way, that's not for you to drink either.

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-What?!

-Yeah.

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Let's go.

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This isn't for me to drink?

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You can't drink that, because we are taking you to the temple,

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to Kataragama all the way,

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and then that will be part of the offering.

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So why do people do this pilgrimage?

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It's a... I mean, like, why you become vegan?

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Why you are a vegetarian?

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Tell me the reason, then I will...

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I'll be able to answer your question.

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The answer is not going to be because I like walking long distances...

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It's nothing to do with walking. Why you become a vegan?

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Cos I don't want to eat animals.

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So maybe those people who does it, they have got reason.

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Everyone have a different reason.

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-That's not an explanation.

-It is an explanation, dear!

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Ah.

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How you feeling, Rom?

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I don't feel good, mate.

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This road is burning my feet and this thing's so heavy on my head.

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It's just insanity.

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Jesus. Argh.

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I don't know how bloody Leatherfoot is doing it.

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Mate, I can't do this, seriously. I mean, this is so hot.

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The road is melting.

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We'll try and walk on the side.

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My feet look like a Freddy Krueger.

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Er, I don't see it.

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One other thing is, I think my knee's, like, gone a bit.

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Already?

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Don't you remember yesterday, when we were at the snake guy?

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-And he said, "Do you have some body pains?"

-Yeah.

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-And I said, "Sometimes"?

-Yeah.

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Now is one of those times.

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My knee's starting to hurt a little bit. Just a little bit.

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Yeah? Let's see how we go.

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OK, thanks. Hello.

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All right.

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All right, coming, coming.

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Oh, man.

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Ow!

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Can I stop? I need to stop.

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Sorry.

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Listen, Rags, we've done quite a long way, haven't we?

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Yeah. 3km.

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-Yeah.

-I've got a bad leg injury.

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-OK?

-Yeah.

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-And it's getting worse.

-Yeah.

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-My feet have got blisters.

-Yeah.

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I'm just going to show you something.

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Oh, come on.

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We are going to Kataragama, mate, not to a bloody poolside bar.

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Do you know where that is? Do you know where that is?

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-No.

-Kataragama.

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I've booked it for tonight.

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And you don't care about those people in front?

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I don't... It's not that I don't care about those people,

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but we're slowing them down.

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We get in the van, head to Kataragama, we're there early.

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Yeah.

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We go and do another cultural thing,

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whatever your choice is, plus we stay at that hotel.

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-Mmm. I understand.

-Aren't you in pain?

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-Yeah, I am in pain too.

-See?

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But my feet are in blisters but...

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Yeah, exactly. The truth is, them not having us

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is a better thing for them.

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It's a better thing for them, it's a better thing for us.

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It's great.

0:16:470:16:49

Hi, Mum, it's Rom. Just calling to check in, really.

0:17:120:17:17

I'm doing a pilgrimage.

0:17:170:17:18

It's quite hard, my feet are burning and stuff,

0:17:180:17:20

but I'm sort of struggling on.

0:17:200:17:22

Rags is... I think he's... To be honest with you, I think

0:17:220:17:25

he's struggling a bit cos he keeps moaning about his leg

0:17:250:17:27

or whatever, so I think he wants to sort of, like, pull out of it

0:17:270:17:32

or whatever or just sort of quit early.

0:17:320:17:34

It might be just out of respect for him that we...drop out of it.

0:17:380:17:43

I'm trying to sort of just gee his spirits up really,

0:17:430:17:46

so I'll let you know how it goes.

0:17:460:17:48

All right, Mum, love you. I hope you're proud of me.

0:17:480:17:50

Thank you, bye.

0:17:500:17:52

My uncle, he sort of thinks that, you know,

0:18:030:18:06

part of my journey to becoming a better Sri Lankan is to get

0:18:060:18:09

more au fait and comfortable with wildlife and nature.

0:18:090:18:11

I have painted myself into a corner by saying that I would do whatever

0:18:110:18:15

he suggested I do in exchange for going to the luxury hotel.

0:18:150:18:19

-Hello.

-Hi, Romesh.

0:18:190:18:21

-Are you Anslem?

-Yeah.

0:18:210:18:22

So he's arranged for me to meet this guy, Anslem, who's

0:18:220:18:25

apparently like a nature expert, and in particular crocodiles and I

0:18:250:18:30

think snakes and all sorts of shit, whatever you sort of get out here.

0:18:300:18:33

-We have two species of crocodile in the country...

-Right.

0:18:330:18:36

..the saltwater and the freshwater. Freshwater is called muggers.

0:18:360:18:40

And are muggers dangerous?

0:18:400:18:42

Yeah. I mean, they attack humans.

0:18:420:18:45

So shouldn't we get in a vehicle? Where's your car?

0:18:450:18:48

We'll be walking.

0:18:480:18:49

Are there any snakes around here?

0:18:550:18:56

Yeah, we got a lot of snakes.

0:18:560:18:58

We have one of the highest incidents of snake-bite deaths in the world.

0:18:580:19:02

Are there any round here?

0:19:030:19:06

Yeah, there are, but I have a very sharp eye for them

0:19:060:19:10

and that's why I always carry a snake stick.

0:19:100:19:13

Anslem, he's a very nice guy, sort of looks like Papa Smurf.

0:19:130:19:18

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you OK?

0:19:180:19:20

We went into one area where he thought there might be crocodiles.

0:19:200:19:23

First thing he does, falls flat on his arse.

0:19:230:19:25

-Are you all right?

-Yep. Can you give me a hand?

0:19:250:19:27

Yep. Oh, yeah.

0:19:270:19:29

That's the guide, right? I mean, I helped him up.

0:19:290:19:31

If we were being chased by a crocodile and he fell

0:19:310:19:33

over like that - "See you later, Anslem." I'm out of there, mate.

0:19:330:19:37

Are we safe here?

0:19:370:19:39

You're hesitating.

0:19:410:19:42

I think I am safe.

0:19:420:19:44

YOU? I'm talking about both of us.

0:19:440:19:47

-Are there actually crocodiles in this water?

-Yeah.

0:19:470:19:50

What is going on now?

0:19:500:19:52

We are going to call him.

0:19:520:19:54

-CALL him?

-Yeah.

0:19:540:19:55

I'm out of here, mate. Are you throwing chicken in the water?

0:19:550:19:58

Yeah.

0:19:580:19:59

If people don't know that there's crocodiles here, it just

0:19:590:20:02

looks like some nutters are throwing chicken in the river.

0:20:020:20:04

Well, I haven't actually seen a crocodile.

0:20:040:20:06

It's exciting if there are actually crocodiles here.

0:20:060:20:09

-Anything?

-Nothing.

0:20:090:20:11

'I'm not saying it's a con.'

0:20:110:20:13

What I'm saying is, I'm starting to get suspicious

0:20:130:20:16

and I'm starting to wonder if Rags just wanted me

0:20:160:20:18

out of the hotel for the day.

0:20:180:20:20

Right.

0:20:260:20:27

-So you're going to hang chicken from the branch?

-Yeah.

0:20:290:20:32

-Has that worked before?

-Yeah.

0:20:320:20:34

-So do we just wait now, yeah?

-Yeah.

0:20:340:20:36

'They're so calm about the fact this won't work

0:20:400:20:44

'that they're having a bath downstream of it.'

0:20:440:20:46

Look there at the mugger. Mugger, mugger, mugger!

0:20:470:20:50

-Mugger, mugger.

-(Oi, look, look, look!)

0:20:500:20:53

Holy shit!

0:20:530:20:54

(He's gone, he's gone, he's gone.)

0:20:570:20:59

Admittedly, at the end of it,

0:21:100:21:12

yeah, he was for real.

0:21:120:21:15

He did know crocodiles.

0:21:150:21:16

The thing with the crocodiles is, you sort of see the crocodile

0:21:200:21:23

and it's very exciting, but then you think,

0:21:230:21:27

"Is it going to do anything else?"

0:21:270:21:30

(It's not moving.)

0:21:300:21:33

You know, it's quite a sad sight,

0:21:330:21:35

just seeing the crocodile sitting there,

0:21:350:21:37

then hearing the splash, splash, splash

0:21:370:21:38

of a half-eaten chicken bone dipping in and out of the water.

0:21:380:21:42

(Do you think he's still coming?

0:21:430:21:45

(Cos I think he might have gone.)

0:21:450:21:47

How long do you have to be dipping that in before you start thinking,

0:21:520:21:55

"Do you know what? I think maybe we should have got lamb"?

0:21:550:21:59

-(Are we going?

-Yeah, we'll go.)

0:21:590:22:02

TWIGS SNAP, ROMESH GASPS

0:22:020:22:03

-Ah, Rom, you're back.

-Yeah.

0:22:050:22:07

How did it go, mate?

0:22:070:22:09

We basically spent three hours with some chicken on a string,

0:22:090:22:12

trying to fish for crocodiles.

0:22:120:22:14

But did you have a good time, though, Rom?

0:22:140:22:17

Yeah, I felt at one with nature, so thank you.

0:22:170:22:19

-OK, cool.

-Well, anyway, goodnight.

-OK. Goodnight, Rom.

0:22:190:22:24

Hey, take your hand off!

0:22:240:22:26

It's the actual big deal, big thing.

0:22:340:22:36

We're here at Kataragama, so I'm just going to take photos of me,

0:22:360:22:39

like, Usain Bolting it across the finishing line,

0:22:390:22:41

like we've done the pilgrimage or whatever, do you know what I mean?

0:22:410:22:44

So I can send the photos to my mum.

0:22:440:22:46

Yes! We've done it.

0:22:460:22:48

Whoo! Whoo!

0:22:480:22:50

Wow!

0:22:510:22:52

Oh, man!

0:22:550:22:57

-Can you feel it?

-Yes.

-Can you feel the buzz?

-I can, yes.

0:22:570:23:00

Oh, man. Whoo!

0:23:000:23:02

We did it, toughed it out.

0:23:060:23:08

He had a few knee problems, but we still struggled through, man,

0:23:080:23:10

do you know what I mean? And we did it.

0:23:100:23:12

-Whoo!

-Well done.

-Whoo! I need to calm down, man.

0:23:120:23:14

I'm just like, "Wow, I did it."

0:23:140:23:16

I feel like I could do it again, mate, do you know what I mean? Whoo!

0:23:160:23:19

-I don't understand why you're doing this bit.

-Huh?

0:23:190:23:21

Your mum is going to know you haven't done it,

0:23:210:23:23

because it's going to be on television.

0:23:230:23:25

I really want you to go to Kataragama.

0:23:310:23:33

I never had the opportunity to go.

0:23:330:23:36

What exactly is Kataragama?

0:23:360:23:38

It's a very, very holy temple.

0:23:380:23:41

If somebody's ill, they will say,

0:23:410:23:43

"If I get better, I'll walk to your temple."

0:23:430:23:46

Some of them, they're burning fire

0:23:460:23:49

and they will walk on it...

0:23:490:23:51

with bare foot. Another thing is, you will see other people,

0:23:510:23:55

they put some...like a needle through their cheeks

0:23:550:24:00

and it'll come out of the other side.

0:24:000:24:03

-And they'll carry the kavadi...

-Yeah.

0:24:030:24:05

..and dance like that, for the holy music and things.

0:24:050:24:10

I'm just a bit nervous about getting involved in any of the displays.

0:24:100:24:14

Romi, it's how you feel, darling. I am not forcing you.

0:24:140:24:18

-But I will be happy if you do one of the things, yeah.

-That is... OK.

0:24:180:24:22

If I stab myself through the face,

0:24:220:24:23

would that make you happy? Is that what you're saying?

0:24:230:24:26

It won't make me happy.

0:24:260:24:27

-Cos if I sent you a photo...?

-Yeah.

0:24:270:24:29

I don't think it's a funny thing to do.

0:24:310:24:33

It's a holy thing. You mustn't do this. No.

0:24:330:24:36

-But if I just was serious?

-Yeah, serious, yeah.

0:24:360:24:38

-Yeah, OK.

-OK?

0:24:380:24:40

CHANTING

0:24:410:24:44

-Is it, like, party time, or what?

-Yeah, it is.

0:24:440:24:46

So what is going on here, Rags?

0:24:470:24:49

We are here to do the ceremonial activities.

0:24:490:24:52

We have to do the ceremony properly because your mum asked me

0:24:520:24:55

-to take you on a 200k walk, you know what I mean?

-Yeah, yeah.

0:24:550:24:58

Yeah? I failed on that, as your uncle.

0:24:580:25:01

She's not going to like it, but this time,

0:25:010:25:03

at least let's do everything right. That's all I ask you, man.

0:25:030:25:06

-She doesn't need to know that we failed, does she?

-That's right.

0:25:060:25:09

-We did the celebration.

-But can we do this properly?

-OK, fine.

-OK?

0:25:090:25:12

Everything I'll ask of you, or what you are supposed to do,

0:25:120:25:15

-we're going to have to do.

-But you're not going to put me

0:25:150:25:17

-in any danger, are you?

-No, no, no.

0:25:170:25:19

I wouldn't do that to you. You're my nephew, mate.

0:25:190:25:21

TRADITIONAL MUSIC PLAYS

0:25:210:25:25

-So they're going to actually put these through.

-Put what through?

0:25:250:25:28

Get, you know...the spear thing, because it's just a sacrifice you do

0:25:280:25:32

for the gods here, so nothing's going to happen.

0:25:320:25:35

-They're going to put that through...

-It's going through the cheek.

0:25:350:25:37

-Through his cheeks?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-OK.

0:25:370:25:39

TRADITIONAL MUSIC PLAYS

0:25:390:25:43

You OK?

0:25:460:25:47

You OK?

0:25:520:25:54

How are you feeling?

0:25:590:26:01

I'm really... Genuinely, like, I really feel sick.

0:26:010:26:05

MUSIC QUICKENS

0:26:050:26:07

-Romesh?

-Yeah?

-You come specially for this festival...

-Yeah.

0:26:160:26:19

-..to see this and...

-Yeah.

0:26:190:26:21

..so part of the deal is that you also get this done, right?

0:26:210:26:24

So are you ready for that?

0:26:270:26:29

-No, I can't.

-No, it doesn't hurt.

-I can't, I can't.

-Come on, Rom.

0:26:310:26:34

So what are you going to do?

0:26:340:26:35

-What do you mean?

-You've got to get something done, right?

0:26:350:26:38

-Like what?

-What do you want? Do you want it through here?

0:26:380:26:41

-What?

-Or through your back with a hook?

0:26:410:26:43

-I don't want to do any of it.

-Well, just do a pierce through here.

0:26:430:26:47

-Not with that.

-So it's like... Yeah, yeah.

0:26:470:26:49

I can't do that.

0:26:490:26:51

No, I can't. I can't.

0:26:510:26:52

-You know what?

-What?

0:26:540:26:56

It doesn't look like you're going to do anything, is it?

0:26:560:26:59

-OK, fine, fine.

-OK, right, let's go.

0:26:590:27:01

MAN SHOUTS, MUSIC STARTS

0:27:010:27:02

MUSIC STOPS

0:27:050:27:07

CROWD GASPS

0:27:070:27:08

MUSIC STARTS

0:27:110:27:13

Good on you.

0:27:150:27:16

'I was loving it.'

0:27:330:27:34

It's wicked! I, like, got into it.

0:27:340:27:36

How would you sum up your spiritual journey, then?

0:27:420:27:44

Going to see my family and everything was amazing.

0:27:440:27:46

The pilgrimage and the whole idea of sacrifice

0:27:460:27:49

I didn't sort of understand.

0:27:490:27:50

But, doing that, when they put it through the ear

0:27:500:27:53

and then I joined in with the dance,

0:27:530:27:54

you actually feel, like, a bit of euphoria.

0:27:540:27:57

'Admittedly, this doesn't look that impressive

0:28:010:28:03

'and also it's a bigger health and safety hazard,

0:28:030:28:06

'because you've got a loose spear in your ear.

0:28:060:28:08

'Whereas at least if you go through the mouth,

0:28:080:28:11

'it's secure, do you know what I mean?'

0:28:110:28:13

What would your mum say?

0:28:130:28:14

She'd say, "Why didn't you put it through your face?"

0:28:140:28:18

-THEY LAUGH

-'Mothers want their sons'

0:28:180:28:20

to be healthy...

0:28:200:28:21

Go, go, go, go.

0:28:210:28:23

..and fit enough to fight with anybody.

0:28:230:28:25

Oh!

0:28:250:28:26

I don't want you filming around my arsehole, I don't want you in the

0:28:260:28:28

vicinity of my arsehole, I don't even want you thinking about my arsehole.

0:28:280:28:32

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