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This programme contains some strong language | 0:00:02 | 0:00:07 | |
-Romi, I want you to visit Sri Lanka. Would you like that? -No. -Why not? | 0:00:07 | 0:00:10 | |
Sorry. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
Jesus Christ! | 0:00:12 | 0:00:13 | |
My name is Romesh Ranganathan, | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
and I know absolutely nothing about the culture of | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
where my family are from. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
My feet are actually burning. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:21 | |
I know more about Horsham. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:24 | |
That's sad, isn't it? | 0:00:24 | 0:00:25 | |
You are Sri Lankan, but you're a coconut, isn't it? | 0:00:26 | 0:00:29 | |
Wow! Jesus...! | 0:00:29 | 0:00:31 | |
What do you mean I'm a coconut? | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
You're born and brought up in England so you speak English, | 0:00:33 | 0:00:35 | |
-you don't know the language. -You MADE me a coconut. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
Yeah, I'm sending you to Sri Lanka to learn about the religion, | 0:00:38 | 0:00:42 | |
the language, | 0:00:42 | 0:00:43 | |
about my relations, | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
and learn about their culture. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:48 | |
Shit! | 0:00:49 | 0:00:50 | |
My mum's putting me up to do a tour of Sri Lanka | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
and I do want to go and do it, | 0:00:55 | 0:00:57 | |
but I'm not doing it because my mum's told me to | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
except for the fact that my mum told me to and I am doing it. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
Oh! Ow! Argh! Urgh! | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
Mate, OK, I'm done, I'm done. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
I heard about this traditional martial art in Sri Lanka. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:21 | |
-It's called Angampora. -Yeah. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:24 | |
And I want you to participate in that, as well, please. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:28 | |
-Shall we be honest? -Yeah. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
The real reason you're doing this is not for me to get in touch | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
with the culture of the thing. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
This is part of your ongoing agenda to make me lose weight. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:38 | |
You're pretending it's a cultural thing. You're constantly banging on. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
MIMICS: "You've got a belly. You look horrible. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
"Sometimes when you go out, I don't like how you look in the shirt." | 0:01:43 | 0:01:46 | |
-The reason you're sending me to martial arts... -To get you fit. -Yeah! | 0:01:46 | 0:01:49 | |
Anyway, my cousin will be with you - Rubaharan. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:53 | |
What exactly is your relation to "Ruby-Ruby"? | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
He's my mother's older brother's son. | 0:01:55 | 0:02:00 | |
-Hello. -Hello. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
You are Romesh! | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
Yeah. Rubaharan. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:12 | |
-Hello. -Hello. How're you doing? | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
How's it going? You are... | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
My father's sister's daughter... No, son. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:22 | |
So you're my uncle. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
Yeah, yeah, uncle, uncle. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:25 | |
-So what are we doing today? -Angampora. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
-Is that martial arts? -Yes. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:31 | |
I've got mixed feelings about this. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:35 | |
I'm excited about it in terms of martial arts are exciting, | 0:02:35 | 0:02:38 | |
and something I was always into. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
I used to do judo, | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
and I was the fattest kid in the whole of the judo class. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
The second fattest was this blond kid | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
and they called us Coffee and Cream | 0:02:48 | 0:02:49 | |
and made us spar together. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
Because we were the only ones that could support each other's weight. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
I mean, like, I lost a bit of weight but I still... | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
My weight oscillates. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:00 | |
I'm like the Asian Luther Vandross, do you know what I mean? | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
Romesh. Are you the top guy? | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
I am Angampora martial art master, Guru Nansay. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:09 | |
Romesh, your Angampora costume. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:14 | |
I've got to wear that? | 0:03:14 | 0:03:15 | |
Right. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
Oh, hello! | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
-Remove it? -Yeah, remove it. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:21 | |
You've got your T-shirt on, though. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
Whoa...! | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
Tighter? | 0:03:25 | 0:03:26 | |
Thank you. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:27 | |
You've got gentle hands. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
Come. This is our training centre. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
CLANGS AND SHOUTS | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
Can I ask you a question? | 0:03:39 | 0:03:40 | |
Do you eat special food? | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
-Vegetarian. -Vegetarian. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
-I'm vegetarian, too. -Oh, really?! | 0:03:44 | 0:03:45 | |
Vegetarian...! | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
-HE CHUCKLES -This... | 0:03:47 | 0:03:50 | |
Fat belly. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:51 | |
You try exercises. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
First exercises like this. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
Come on, come on, come on! | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
ROMESH GROANS | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
Last three - up! | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
You keep increasing the number. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
Eight. Watch. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
ARGH! | 0:04:11 | 0:04:12 | |
HE CRIES OUT REPEATEDLY | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
Oh, my...! | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
I don't know why my mum thought this was a fair thing to do to me. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:40 | |
OK, thank you. Thank you. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
What's next? | 0:04:44 | 0:04:45 | |
It didn't look good, did it? | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
It looked terrible. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
Quickly! | 0:04:52 | 0:04:53 | |
-Go back now, Romesh. -Fuck you, mate. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
Fine, it was an insult to the whole martial art. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
Fine, I looked absolutely disgusting | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
and you probably can't show this at dinner time. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
I accept all of those things, | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
but I was trying my hardest. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:05 | |
If they've got a T-shirt that said | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
"I Had A Go At Angampora And Failed," | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
get me the T-shirt, mate. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
PANTS NOISILY | 0:05:12 | 0:05:13 | |
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
I genuinely feel no satisfaction whatsoever. | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
So I think what they want to do now | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
is put all of that together. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
When you say put it all together, what do you mean? | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
Well, they want you to fight. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
How old is he? | 0:05:37 | 0:05:38 | |
Er... 14. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
Is he going to kill me? | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
Go. Attack. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:43 | |
Romesh, attack. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:44 | |
-Come on, fight. -This is crazy. -Fight, fight. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:47 | |
I was just basically in a lose-lose situation | 0:05:47 | 0:05:50 | |
where, you know, if I spark out a 14-year-old... | 0:05:50 | 0:05:52 | |
Well, the whole day's ruined, isn't it? For everyone. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:55 | |
Attack. Romesh, attack. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:56 | |
Nobody'd go, "See the way Rom knocked out that 14-year-old? It was amazing!" | 0:05:58 | 0:06:02 | |
Just, "Do you see the way that prick knocked out that 14-year-old?! Should be arrested." | 0:06:02 | 0:06:05 | |
-And punch, kick... -I can't attack. -Attack, go. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
And then if I lose, people'll just go, | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
"You got knocked out by a 14-year-old." | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
Got him. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
As it happened, I didn't need to worry about me sparking him out, | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
because the little kid's like a ninja. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
Thank... I'm fine, thank you. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
Argh! ARGH! Ow! | 0:06:22 | 0:06:23 | |
UNCLE SHOUTS Don't distract me! | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
PAINED SHOUTS REPEATEDLY | 0:06:25 | 0:06:27 | |
I was thinking I'd just pick him up and throw him in a pit, or something, | 0:06:27 | 0:06:30 | |
or just break his neck, or something, | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
but I just couldn't get near the kid. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
Son of a bitch! | 0:06:34 | 0:06:35 | |
His limbs are made of...granite. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
Oi... Shit! | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
Arhh! | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
That kid, at home, must do whatever he wants cos if you gave him a clip | 0:06:42 | 0:06:45 | |
around the ear, he'd beat the shit out of you. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
Ow! Shit, no. Arrgh! | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
Having said that, on the positive side, I'm impressed | 0:06:49 | 0:06:52 | |
that there's a Sri Lankan martial art, and I think it's really good. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
And I think Guru Nansay is amazing. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
But, everything else about today has been just been... | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
Just a repeated kick to my balls. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
Argh! | 0:07:01 | 0:07:02 | |
ARGH! Mate, OK. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:04 | |
I'm done, I'm done! | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
Go on, don't give up! | 0:07:06 | 0:07:07 | |
Get away from me, man. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:12 | |
Been nice spending time with your uncle, who you haven't seen. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
I just think he might be a bit disappointed. Did I do well? | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
Yeah, did. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:19 | |
Could you see my butt crack the whole time? Can you see my bum? | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
Yeah, yeah. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:23 | |
Oh, mate! | 0:07:25 | 0:07:26 | |
I am worried because Dad had a heart attack - | 0:07:30 | 0:07:33 | |
sudden attack - and he's gone within a day. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:35 | |
So, I mean, I'll be honest with you, | 0:07:35 | 0:07:38 | |
so I want my both sons to be healthy and fit. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:43 | |
You can't use the Dad thing as a... | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
I know Dad passed away because of that, | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
but you can't just use that. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:48 | |
That's not the issue here. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:49 | |
You're not worried about my heart. You think I look horrible. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
Romesh, I never, never worry about how you look. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:57 | |
I only sometimes mention about your weight. | 0:07:57 | 0:08:00 | |
You mention about my weight, | 0:08:00 | 0:08:01 | |
you mention about my hair, | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
you mention about my beard... | 0:08:03 | 0:08:04 | |
The beard, I don't like it. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:06 | |
Why can't I tell the truth? | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
I don't like it, Rom. It's like a fungus on your face. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:11 | |
It's not like a fungus. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:12 | |
It is. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:13 | |
I am proud of you, but now it's like a big bush sitting there. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:18 | |
I can't see your face. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
At all. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
Only this black thing that I see. Sitting there. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
Are you talking about the beard? | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
My uncle wants me to get hold of some traditional treatments | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
to help me lose weight, which | 0:08:34 | 0:08:37 | |
I'm not massively excited about, but, to be honest, anything's better | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
than getting involved in genuine physical exercise. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:43 | |
Come out looking like a pair of legends, innit? | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
Yeah, see. He's bang up for it. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
I want one of those things where he goes, | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
"Oh, do you know your belly? I go, "Yeah." | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
"It's because of your posture. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:55 | |
"Let me just crack your back a little bit." CRRK! | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
And then suddenly it all goes "zzzt" and I've got abs or something. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
That would be amazing. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
-Hello. -Hello. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:03 | |
-Doctor Jalfa. -Jalfa. -Yes. -Hello. Nice to meet you. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
Same to you. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:07 | |
You kindly, if you have any diseases, you tick, OK? | 0:09:07 | 0:09:11 | |
-OK. -Colic, abdominal pain, distension. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
-What's distension? -Distension... | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
-The big bel... -Big belly? | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
-I do have a big belly. -Yeah, yeah. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
You have. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
Overweight. What do you think? | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Yeah, yeah, so... It's very main problem, you have. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
-Very big problem? -Yes! | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
-Now, the cleaning. -What do you mean cleaning? | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
Clearing the stomach. Insert some herbal decoction with the oil. | 0:09:34 | 0:09:38 | |
Insert it where? | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
Yeah, in the... Enema, enema. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
-So you're going to put something in my... -Yeah, in the anus region. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
-Anus region? -Yeah, anus region. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:47 | |
And you're going to put some herbal concoction into my anus? | 0:09:47 | 0:09:50 | |
In the anus, yeah. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:51 | |
-And then I sit there for half an hour... -Half an hour you... | 0:09:51 | 0:09:54 | |
-..and then herbs come out of my anus. -Herbs come out to the outside. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:58 | |
I thought I was coming here for a massage, | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
but now he's talking about giving me an enema. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:03 | |
It's not what I signed up for. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:05 | |
Obviously, I was polite to him, | 0:10:05 | 0:10:07 | |
because I don't want to be rude to the guy | 0:10:07 | 0:10:09 | |
and you're in the pressure of the situation, but that's not... | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
I didn't come to have, like, oil put up my arse. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:14 | |
I didn't realise I was getting basted. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
I'll tell you what, | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
we'll just set the cameras up, we'll film, see what happens. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:21 | |
No, I don't want you filming around my arsehole. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
I don't want you in the vicinity of my arsehole. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
I don't even want you thinking about my arsehole, OK? | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
That's it. You are not filming it. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:29 | |
What kind of show is this? | 0:10:29 | 0:10:32 | |
-The viewers... -It's not journey into Romesh's arsehole, is it? | 0:10:32 | 0:10:35 | |
It's not Romesh's Ring Piece Explored, is it? | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
If there's somebody watching this | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
and the deal-breaker for them is getting a shot of me | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
having some oil stuff up my arse, | 0:10:47 | 0:10:49 | |
I don't want them watching. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:50 | |
That's not the show we're making. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:53 | |
I'll do it... No filming. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
And I think it's massive that I'm doing it. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
Why are you doing it? | 0:10:59 | 0:11:00 | |
Well, I might like it. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
Is this going to hurt? | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
Can I see how much you're planning on inserting? | 0:11:06 | 0:11:09 | |
You're putting all of that in?! | 0:11:09 | 0:11:11 | |
Ho-ly shit, mate! | 0:11:11 | 0:11:13 | |
MUSIC: STRAUSS WALTZ | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
OCCASIONAL YELPS AND GURGLES | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
Oh, mate, that is so weird! | 0:11:20 | 0:11:22 | |
Not good, man. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:25 | |
You relax, OK? | 0:11:25 | 0:11:27 | |
That's horrible. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
Ruba, I didn't think this was what we'd be doing together. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
Perfect, done. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:38 | |
OK, thank you. You've been great. Thanks. | 0:11:41 | 0:11:43 | |
How suddenly will the need to go to the toilet come? | 0:11:43 | 0:11:47 | |
Will it just come like that? | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
Suddenly, I'll just need to go like - boom. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:51 | |
Please find a toilet. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
Where can I go? Oh, mate, this is horrible. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
I do really genuinely have oil in my arse. | 0:11:56 | 0:11:58 | |
Oh, mate. | 0:11:58 | 0:12:00 | |
There's no toilet roll. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:04 | |
There's nothing. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:05 | |
Cheers, mate. Here? | 0:12:07 | 0:12:08 | |
-In here? -Toilet. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:13 | |
Get out. See you later. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
-Bye. -You want...? | 0:12:15 | 0:12:17 | |
Brilliant. Thanks, Rubes. You're a legend. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:20 | |
Oh, Christ! | 0:12:23 | 0:12:24 | |
Ohhh... | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
This is like a horror film, mate. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
(Oh, my God!) | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
-Ruba. -Yes. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
Can you see if there's more tissue? | 0:12:37 | 0:12:38 | |
Yes. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:40 | |
Thank you. Love you. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:41 | |
Romesh? | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
Yeah, I'm done. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:55 | |
Motion is going...? | 0:12:55 | 0:12:56 | |
Yeah. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:58 | |
It's gone. | 0:12:58 | 0:12:59 | |
Now, it's OK? | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
No. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:02 | |
I'm all right. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
What happened in there I don't want to talk about again. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:10 | |
It's one of the worst experiences I've ever had, | 0:13:10 | 0:13:12 | |
and it doesn't even feel like it's finished. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:14 | |
It feels like they've flicked a switch in my body that says, | 0:13:14 | 0:13:19 | |
"Can shit at any time". | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
Because that's what I feel like. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:22 | |
I feel like I'm never, ever going to experience "not needing a crap" | 0:13:22 | 0:13:26 | |
for the rest of my life. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:27 | |
That's what I feel like right now. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
And thank goodness, my uncle | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
who I haven't seen for years and years and years, | 0:13:31 | 0:13:33 | |
was on hand to listen to me in the toilet. | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
-Disgusting, right? -Yeah, yeah. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:38 | |
I'm done, mate. I'm out. Goodbye. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
Rubes, let's roll. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
Let's go, man. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:44 | |
That was horrible. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:47 | |
No problem. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:48 | |
Thank you for looking after me. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:51 | |
When you are in Sri Lanka, | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
you're going to visit Kalmunai where I was born and brought up. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
Rubaharan is going to introduce my cousin, | 0:14:00 | 0:14:04 | |
my side of the family. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:05 | |
Her name is Udaya. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
Oh, hello. I remember you. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:17 | |
Hi, I'm Romesh. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
-Varuni. -Varuni, hello. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:22 | |
-This is your mother. -That's my mum. -Mm. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
-And were you very close? -I am only daughter. | 0:14:28 | 0:14:31 | |
She also only daughter. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:32 | |
They both are really close. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
So you're like sisters. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
Your mum's wedding photo. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
That's the wedding photo. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:39 | |
Wedding photo. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:40 | |
When Mum came back last time | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
was she different from when she was in Sri Lanka? | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
-More beautiful. -More beautiful! | 0:14:46 | 0:14:49 | |
THEY CHUCKLE | 0:14:49 | 0:14:50 | |
I won't tell her that. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:51 | |
Smart and pretty. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
Smart and pretty. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:54 | |
Smart and pretty. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:56 | |
Here in Sri Lankan tradition, | 0:14:56 | 0:14:57 | |
they marry cousins, | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
-so I think he had a crush on her. -Really? | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
There's a whole side of my mum's life that I don't know. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:10 | |
You know, I know English Mum, if you see what I mean, | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
I don't know Sri Lankan Mum. Do you know what I mean? | 0:15:13 | 0:15:16 | |
And this was so much of a formative part of her life, | 0:15:16 | 0:15:18 | |
and I didn't know anything about it. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
When my mum heard that you got married to a white girl... | 0:15:20 | 0:15:24 | |
Was she disappointed? | 0:15:24 | 0:15:25 | |
-Er, yes. -MOTHER LAUGHS | 0:15:25 | 0:15:28 | |
Can you tell your mum, I had no choice. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
This woman just kept chasing me and chasing me, | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
and in England I am very attractive. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
-Oh, really? -And so... | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
With your big belly and your beard. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:41 | |
Medium belly. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:46 | |
Medium! See? | 0:15:46 | 0:15:48 | |
Yeah, medium. | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
But compared to him, you have a big belly. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
Yeah, but he's like a freak. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
It's been really good. It's been really good to chat to them. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
There's been a few harsh comments. They're obviously disappointed with how I look. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:00 | |
I'm always complaining to my mum about how she's so upfront about it | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
and just so brutal and now, I sort of think, | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
well, everyone's like that here, do you know what I mean? | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
I have 20 years same weight. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
Really? | 0:16:11 | 0:16:12 | |
I can't keep the same weight for 20 minutes. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
45kg. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
45kg?! | 0:16:16 | 0:16:18 | |
-You're not 45kg. -Yeah. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
I'm 95. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
My God! | 0:16:22 | 0:16:23 | |
Your wife's cooking is not good. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:16:27 | 0:16:30 | |
My cousin lives right next door to my dowry house. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:38 | |
My mum gave it to me. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
So what's going on there? | 0:16:40 | 0:16:42 | |
They're some religious group. I have rented it. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:45 | |
I don't know much about them. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:47 | |
You never told me people are living there. What's the rental agreement? | 0:16:47 | 0:16:50 | |
It's 1,000 rupees. How much is it? | 0:16:50 | 0:16:52 | |
I don't know the exchange rate, so I don't know what... | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
For a pound it's I think 200 rupees. | 0:16:55 | 0:16:57 | |
-So £5. -A month. | 0:16:57 | 0:16:59 | |
-£5?! -£5, yeah. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:00 | |
Are you...? | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
I think we need to increase the rent. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
Because it's a religious group | 0:17:04 | 0:17:07 | |
I don't want to be disrespectful, | 0:17:07 | 0:17:08 | |
-but I'm going to go in with a high figure. -Don't be so rude to them. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
I won't be rude. I'm going in, "Negotiate or out." | 0:17:11 | 0:17:15 | |
OK. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:16 | |
I am going to sort this rent situation out, | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
but my main motivation is just to get out of some of the exercises | 0:17:18 | 0:17:23 | |
that my mum's lined up for me. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
It is here, your mum's house. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
Your mother has rented the house for a meditation centre. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:32 | |
Hello. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:33 | |
-I'm Romesh. -Yes. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
They are sisters who run the house, currently. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:39 | |
Hello, I'm Romesh. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:40 | |
-So you don't live here, no? -No. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:48 | |
-Where do you live? -My house. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:50 | |
OK. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:52 | |
Well, the reason I wanted to come and talk to you guys | 0:17:52 | 0:17:56 | |
is I wanted to talk to you about the rent. | 0:17:56 | 0:18:00 | |
It's a very old house, | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
so there are lots to repair. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
-To repair? -Yeah. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
You see the cracks? | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
When it rains, it leaks. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
-Can you not just put a bucket here? -No. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
If you touch it, it will fall. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
-Somebody could knock on this door, and it would fall down? -It might. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:18 | |
This is worse than I thought. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
-See this crack? -Oh, I see. | 0:18:20 | 0:18:21 | |
Comes right through to the other side. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:23 | |
I've been given a right punch in the face. | 0:18:23 | 0:18:25 | |
I thought I was coming to talk about rent, and they didn't want to talk about rent. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:29 | |
They wanted to talk about their rental agreement being breached | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
by the fact that their house is in disrepair! | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
Here's the kitchen. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:36 | |
-Nice? -It's dangerous when you open and close the door. | 0:18:36 | 0:18:40 | |
Just leave it open, then. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:42 | |
You can see the roof. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:43 | |
-It was damaged. -Crack here. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
MATERIAL HITS THE GROUND Oh! | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
I've sort of been manoeuvred into a position | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
where I don't know what the hell to do. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
I mean, I think I might have to do these repairs! | 0:18:52 | 0:18:54 | |
Well, look, thank you very much. | 0:18:54 | 0:18:56 | |
The thing is, I thought, maybe, | 0:18:56 | 0:18:57 | |
when my mum first told me a fiver a month, | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
I thought, well, maybe, actually, | 0:19:00 | 0:19:01 | |
in Sri Lankan terms, that's actually quite a bit of money, | 0:19:01 | 0:19:04 | |
but I've been out for a while | 0:19:04 | 0:19:05 | |
and it isn't a lot of money. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
What I'm thinking is, this is the deal I'm thinking of offering - | 0:19:09 | 0:19:13 | |
I will sort out these issues | 0:19:13 | 0:19:15 | |
if you start paying five times the amount of rent. | 0:19:15 | 0:19:18 | |
It's the principle of it. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:20 | |
I feel like my mum's being conned... but they're nuns! | 0:19:20 | 0:19:23 | |
Well, first of all, thank you very much for showing me round. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
I really appreciate it. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:31 | |
We can get all of the work done, but the rent is 1,000 a month. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:37 | |
If it's possible | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
that...er... | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
we could increase the rent to something more like | 0:19:41 | 0:19:45 | |
5,000 a month. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:48 | |
THEY SPEAK IN OWN LANGUAGE | 0:19:48 | 0:19:50 | |
No, they feel 5,000 rent is... | 0:19:56 | 0:20:00 | |
-Too much. -Too much. | 0:20:00 | 0:20:02 | |
They're so nice, aren't they? | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
And they do that and then the translation just kicks you in the bollocks. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:08 | |
They don't want to raise the rent. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:11 | |
The rent is not increasing, | 0:20:12 | 0:20:14 | |
so I've got that half in the bag. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
-And they'd like it if I did the repairs. -Yes. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:19 | |
OK. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:20 | |
And the other half that I've managed to nail is that we are doing the work. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:24 | |
They feel if you do the repairs | 0:20:24 | 0:20:25 | |
then it will be good, because otherwise it will be unfair. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:29 | |
The rent is not going to... | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
Please reassure them it's not going to go up. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:33 | |
What I'm doing is, instead of getting my mum more money, | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 | |
I've come out here and the result of my visit is | 0:20:36 | 0:20:39 | |
we're actually losing money. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:40 | |
They've basically nunned the shit out of me. That's what's happened here! | 0:20:40 | 0:20:43 | |
Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:46 | |
Basically, this situation would've been a lot better | 0:20:46 | 0:20:49 | |
if I'd have made no intervention whatsoever. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
Yesterday was a complete waste of time. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:01 | |
So, today, well, first of all I've got to say goodbye | 0:21:01 | 0:21:04 | |
to my Uncle Rubaharan. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:05 | |
-Thanks for everything. -OK. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
I really enjoyed the enema. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
You touched me so gently. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:11 | |
Then my mum's got this one last idea for me to lose weight. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:15 | |
Which is me spending some time with, like, an indigenous tribe. | 0:21:15 | 0:21:19 | |
You're going to see the Veddas. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:26 | |
What is Veddas? | 0:21:26 | 0:21:27 | |
Veddas, they live in the jungle and they have a very simple life. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:30 | |
Our ancestors, they used to live like that. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:33 | |
You can watch them and you live on fruits. | 0:21:33 | 0:21:36 | |
There are so many berries and things like that. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
Will they tell me which berries to eat? | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
Of course, some of them are poison. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
Do they speak English? | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
If you're lucky, one or two might speak English. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:49 | |
-And if not... -If not, use sign language. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:52 | |
-Show me the sign for, "Is this a poisonous berry?" -I don't know. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:55 | |
Show me the sign now for, "Is this a poisonous berry?" | 0:21:55 | 0:21:58 | |
Like that. | 0:21:58 | 0:21:59 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:21:59 | 0:22:01 | |
-Well, it's funny, isn't it(?) -What? | 0:22:01 | 0:22:03 | |
-That I might die. -Your mother will be sad if you die, but... | 0:22:03 | 0:22:07 | |
-Thank you. -Part of me will think, "What a stupid son I had. | 0:22:07 | 0:22:10 | |
"He didn't ask any questions." | 0:22:10 | 0:22:12 | |
Mum, why am I going? | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
To see how these people survive. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:17 | |
I'm here at the Vedda village and I'm going in open | 0:22:24 | 0:22:27 | |
but scared of all of the things that today's going to hold. | 0:22:27 | 0:22:31 | |
I'm looking forward to seeing the tribe. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
I have my concerns about it. | 0:22:36 | 0:22:37 | |
I have my concerns about my own safety. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
I have my concerns about my own dignity, but to be honest with you, | 0:22:41 | 0:22:45 | |
it sounds like by signing up for this show in the first place... | 0:22:45 | 0:22:49 | |
I don't recall where in the contract it said, | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
"Remember that your integrity is now just a memory," | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
but apparently that's what's happened here. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
I'll just strip off, dance around like a prick. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:59 | |
That seems to be... the modus operandi. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:03 | |
-Hello. I'm Romesh. -I'm Villemora. | 0:23:04 | 0:23:07 | |
-Villemora. -Villemora. -Villemora. | 0:23:07 | 0:23:10 | |
I'm not actually sure what's going to happen next | 0:23:10 | 0:23:13 | |
but apparently I've got to, before I do anything else, meet the chief. | 0:23:13 | 0:23:16 | |
What are we going to be doing today? | 0:23:19 | 0:23:20 | |
Bow and arrow. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:24 | |
Fire. All right. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:25 | |
I am...allergic to bees. Like, if a bee stings me, I get sick. | 0:23:26 | 0:23:33 | |
Is it dangerous for me? | 0:23:33 | 0:23:35 | |
No, no, I don't want to eat any honey. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
But bee... I get scared. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
Right, let's go. | 0:24:04 | 0:24:05 | |
Ow! | 0:24:07 | 0:24:08 | |
Be careful where you're treading, Romesh. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
What now? | 0:24:11 | 0:24:12 | |
Whoa! | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
Ow! Jesus! | 0:24:23 | 0:24:25 | |
OK, what's next? | 0:24:27 | 0:24:28 | |
I'll try. Listen, I'll try. Yeah? | 0:24:31 | 0:24:34 | |
Yeah? | 0:24:34 | 0:24:35 | |
'Doing archery for your first time, it's difficult enough as it is.' | 0:24:37 | 0:24:41 | |
Doing it without your glasses on... it was just a lottery. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
Hey! | 0:24:49 | 0:24:50 | |
Who knows what I would have done if I'd have had my glasses on. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
I probably would have split the tree in two. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:57 | |
How do you feel about that? Was that a genuine experience for you? | 0:24:58 | 0:25:01 | |
'It was like a survival course in the woods.' | 0:25:02 | 0:25:04 | |
It was good fun, but let's be honest, this is a tourist experience | 0:25:04 | 0:25:09 | |
and I've basically got the super deal, haven't I? | 0:25:09 | 0:25:13 | |
-You're happy. -Happy, very happy, yeah. | 0:25:13 | 0:25:15 | |
I'm being facetious, but I do respect it. | 0:25:15 | 0:25:18 | |
They're keeping the traditions alive. | 0:25:18 | 0:25:20 | |
I like them. They're all nice guys. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:22 | |
If we spoke the same language, you can imagine hanging out. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:25 | |
But, anyway, I think my main priority is to get the hell out of here. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:30 | |
I've got them some presents as a little thank you for having me. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:33 | |
I think just hand out the presents, say goodbye, | 0:25:33 | 0:25:35 | |
because, I don't care what my mum says, me | 0:25:35 | 0:25:37 | |
going into anaphylactic shock is not a great way for me to lose weight. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:40 | |
Lemon puffs? Chocolate creams? | 0:25:40 | 0:25:42 | |
You guys like football? | 0:25:42 | 0:25:43 | |
Oh, I can't go. That's why I got you the presents, | 0:25:50 | 0:25:52 | |
to say thank you. I've got to go. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
OK, lead the way, then. After you. | 0:25:57 | 0:26:00 | |
Oh, shit! | 0:26:00 | 0:26:01 | |
Romesh, do you think you should go if you've got an allergy to bees? | 0:26:01 | 0:26:06 | |
No, I don't, but, I mean, what can I do? | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
I don't want to offend them. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:10 | |
I tried to get out of it. Where are the bees? | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
Bees? | 0:26:15 | 0:26:16 | |
Hold on one minute. | 0:26:18 | 0:26:19 | |
Right, you've got to get me out of this. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:22 | |
-Are they still there? -Yeah, he's there, he's waiting for me. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:25 | |
Why don't you just be honest with him and say, "I can't do it"? | 0:26:25 | 0:26:28 | |
OK. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:29 | |
We're running out of time. I've got to go. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:32 | |
No, no, we have to go. We've run out of time. | 0:26:34 | 0:26:35 | |
What did he say? | 0:26:44 | 0:26:45 | |
I know, but I've got to go. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:48 | |
Can you tell him I'm really sorry but I've got to go? | 0:26:48 | 0:26:50 | |
Come, come. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:54 | |
Fuck this! | 0:26:56 | 0:26:57 | |
Look, I know running away wasn't the most sensible thing to do, | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
but I really didn't want to get stung and they were being | 0:27:04 | 0:27:07 | |
so persistent and I thought, "Actually, if I run away | 0:27:07 | 0:27:10 | |
"and manage to evade them, actually shows I'm in pretty good shape." | 0:27:10 | 0:27:15 | |
Unfortunately, as it turns out, they were very fast. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:18 | |
He's quick. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:21 | |
But the lesson to be learned from today, really... | 0:27:21 | 0:27:24 | |
don't try and outrun a hunter if you're an overweight...prick. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:27 | |
What jobs could you do in Sri Lanka, that you couldn't do here? | 0:27:27 | 0:27:30 | |
Good evening, room service. I'm off duty, sorry. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:33 | |
L-L-Cool-J. | 0:27:33 | 0:27:36 | |
You're going to meet your cousin called Krishna. | 0:27:36 | 0:27:38 | |
I don't expect this from you. Not from you! | 0:27:38 | 0:27:42 | |
Don't get angry. | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
'I'm not getting angry!' | 0:27:45 | 0:27:46 |