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Romey, I want you to visit Sri Lanka. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
Would you like to do that, darling? | 0:00:04 | 0:00:06 | |
-No. -Why not? | 0:00:06 | 0:00:08 | |
Sorry. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:11 | |
Jesus Christ! | 0:00:12 | 0:00:14 | |
My name's Romesh Ranganathan and I know absolutely | 0:00:14 | 0:00:16 | |
nothing about the culture of where my family are from. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:19 | |
My feet are actually burning. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
I know more about Horsham. That's sad, isn't it? | 0:00:21 | 0:00:25 | |
You are a Sri Lankan but you're a coconut, isn't it? | 0:00:27 | 0:00:30 | |
Ow! Jesus! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:31 | |
-What do you mean? -You were born and brought up in England, | 0:00:31 | 0:00:34 | |
so you speak English. You don't know the language. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
You made me a coconut! | 0:00:36 | 0:00:37 | |
I'm sending you to Sri Lanka to learn about the religion, | 0:00:38 | 0:00:43 | |
the language, | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
about my relations and learn about their culture. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
Shit! | 0:00:49 | 0:00:50 | |
My mum's put me up for doing a tour of Sri Lanka | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
and I do want to go and do it but I'm not doing it cos my mum | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
told me to except for the fact that my mum told me to and I am doing it. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
Whoa! Oh! Ooh! Ah! | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
Oh, mate! OK, I'm done. I'm done. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
My mum's coming. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
I'm looking forward to seeing her. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
We're in Batticaloa. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:21 | |
It's the area of Sri Lanka that my mum sort of grew up. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:25 | |
She didn't sort of grow up. She did grow up. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:28 | |
She's going to be expecting to find out what exactly I've | 0:01:28 | 0:01:33 | |
learnt from my trip. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
What I'm going to try and do, | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
I'm sort of going to try and Derren Brown her. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
Do you know what I mean? Little suggestions that I know what | 0:01:39 | 0:01:42 | |
I'm talking about, that I've become an expert. That's kind of... | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
That's my strategy. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
Lie! | 0:01:46 | 0:01:47 | |
It's not lying, it's...it's... | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
No, it's lying. It is lying. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
# Stand up... # | 0:01:54 | 0:01:55 | |
I've got a nice thing lined up for her. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
We're going to have a look around | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
and we're going to do it in | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
the traditional Sri Lankan way, which is in a... | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
in a cart that's being pulled by a cow. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
Hi, my son! | 0:02:15 | 0:02:16 | |
Ohh! Lovely to see you, darling. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
What are we doing now? | 0:02:22 | 0:02:23 | |
We're doing a little tour of Batticaloa... | 0:02:23 | 0:02:26 | |
OK. Lovely. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:27 | |
..in that. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:29 | |
You're joking, dear? | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
No! No way! | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
We're just going to go and have a little journey round in that. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
-In that? -Yeah. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
Shall we go? | 0:02:39 | 0:02:40 | |
Jesus! Ooh! | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
A lot of the locals have got to know me here. Hi, how you doing? | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
-Hello. -This is one of the number one fabric shops in Batticaloa. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:52 | |
Printer's. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:53 | |
A lot of the city gents here go to City Gents. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
That fruit stall there has the second highest | 0:02:56 | 0:02:59 | |
turnover in the whole of Batticaloa. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
Nice! Nice! Nice! I am very impressed by it. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:04 | |
-You've made lots of friends here. -Yeah. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
I'll be honest with you. I thought, | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
initially, it would be funny to pretend I know a couple of people. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:12 | |
Hi, mate! That's another one of my friends. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
-That's Ravi. -Ravi. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
That's Sabash. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:17 | |
Hi, Sabash! | 0:03:17 | 0:03:18 | |
That's Suhun. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:19 | |
Suhun. Where? Which one is Suhun? There? | 0:03:19 | 0:03:21 | |
'I didn't know it was going to work that well. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
'By the time I'd realised what was going on, it was too late to back out then.' | 0:03:23 | 0:03:26 | |
I just had to along with it. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
Now my mum thinks that I'm... she thinks I'm, like, the most | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
popular guy in Batticaloa! | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
You came early here and learned about everything, | 0:03:33 | 0:03:37 | |
and you showed a lot of interest in it. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
It's fantastic, man. I feel like crying. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:43 | |
Wouldn't the ideal thing have been that you genuinely knew something | 0:03:43 | 0:03:46 | |
about the area that your mum grew up in and told her about it? | 0:03:46 | 0:03:50 | |
Yes. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:55 | |
MUSIC: She Wants To Move by N.E.R.D. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
My mum wants us to go and visit my Auntie Selvi. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
Basically, she doesn't want me to just meet her and get to know her. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
Apparently, my Auntie Selvi does this, like, arranged marriage | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
introductory service, and my mum wants me to get involved. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:12 | |
As all I've done so far is lie to her, | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
I am actually going to give it a proper go. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:17 | |
Like, how many people has she got on the go at the moment? | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
300. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
300? | 0:04:27 | 0:04:28 | |
-Yes. -Yeah. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:29 | |
So does she have anybody... | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
-Yeah? -..that she's struggling to... | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
like, to match up with anyone? | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
Show it to him there. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:38 | |
-This guy? -This guy, yeah. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
Pratheepan Poopalasingam? | 0:04:40 | 0:04:42 | |
-WOMEN: -Poobalasingam! | 0:04:42 | 0:04:43 | |
Oh, Poobalasingam. I was going to say. The name won't help, will it - poop? | 0:04:43 | 0:04:46 | |
-You have to pronounce it right. -No, I know. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:48 | |
So what's this guy's problem? Why can't they... | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE | 0:04:50 | 0:04:55 | |
He hasn't got a government job. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:57 | |
Everybody in Sri Lanka, | 0:04:57 | 0:04:59 | |
they look for a government job. It's security more than anything. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:03 | |
What if it's a really wonderful man but he doesn't have a job? | 0:05:03 | 0:05:06 | |
Hard luck, man! | 0:05:06 | 0:05:07 | |
-I take it his looks are not a problem? -No, he's good-looking. | 0:05:07 | 0:05:10 | |
-He's hot, isn't he? -Yeah. Yeah. -What would you give him out of ten? | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
-He's ten out of ten. -Oh, wow! | 0:05:13 | 0:05:14 | |
-You really like him! -He's good-looking. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
'I just felt sorry for this guy | 0:05:16 | 0:05:17 | |
'so I sort of decided that we would try and help this dude out.' | 0:05:17 | 0:05:20 | |
We looked through the available girls | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
and there's this one girl who seems to be a perfect match. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
She's in the arts, he's in the arts | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
and he's very successful in the arts. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
I don't see why it can't happen. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
For them to see each other, or for the girl to see the dude, | 0:05:32 | 0:05:35 | |
they can't meet. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:36 | |
The way they arrange them seeing each other is they do, basically, a drive-by. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
My Auntie Selvi will set that all up. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
She's going to have the dude waiting on the corner, | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
we're going to be with the girl. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
The guy knows that he's going to get viewed. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:50 | |
So then you're just standing there, trying to look as sexy as possible, | 0:05:50 | 0:05:54 | |
just, like, while a car pulls up. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
Is it just me or is this absolutely mental? | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
Oh, God! Look, this is him. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:06 | |
-Huh? -This is him here. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
Look, that's him. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:09 | |
Can she see him? | 0:06:29 | 0:06:30 | |
THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
-Is she looking? -Yeah. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:39 | |
Can you, um, ask her what her first impressions are? | 0:06:42 | 0:06:45 | |
THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE | 0:06:45 | 0:06:46 | |
Ah. He's a bit dark. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
-He's a bit dark? -Dark, yeah. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:50 | |
She doesn't like the way he was wearing slippers. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:53 | |
She expected him to be a bit stylish | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
and a better shoe or shirt or whatever. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
-So she thinks he hasn't made enough of an effort? -That's it. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
-I'm going to go have a chat with the guy. -OK. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:06 | |
-Hi, mate. -This is Pratheepan. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
-Romesh. How you doing? -Good. -Pratheepan? | 0:07:08 | 0:07:09 | |
Good to see you. Good to see you. Yes. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
She likes you. She thought you had a good look. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
If we manage to get this date sorted out, you just will have to | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
-smarten up a little bit, just for the purposes of that. -Yes. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
You've got a lot going for you in terms of... | 0:07:20 | 0:07:23 | |
You're an actor, right? | 0:07:23 | 0:07:24 | |
Yes. As an artist, we have to imitate actors, | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
animals and then anything. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
Can you imitate animals? | 0:07:29 | 0:07:30 | |
-Yeah, yeah. -Like, what animals can you imitate? | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
Dog, cat, tiger, monkey. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:35 | |
Right, give me a quick tiger. | 0:07:35 | 0:07:37 | |
HE ROARS | 0:07:39 | 0:07:40 | |
HE ROARS | 0:07:43 | 0:07:44 | |
Like that, you know. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:47 | |
Brilliant. OK, I'm going to go have a chat with her | 0:07:47 | 0:07:49 | |
and then I'll come back to you and update you. | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
Right, I'm back. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:53 | |
Can you ask her, if we got him to a point where he'd smartened up, | 0:07:53 | 0:07:56 | |
would she be happy for us to have, like, them have an official meet-up? | 0:07:56 | 0:08:02 | |
THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE | 0:08:02 | 0:08:07 | |
-Yes. -She said yeah? | 0:08:07 | 0:08:08 | |
You arrange the date. | 0:08:08 | 0:08:09 | |
The news is the date's on, mate. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
How do you feel, good? | 0:08:12 | 0:08:13 | |
Yeah, I would like to. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:14 | |
Good. Can I see, like, the tiger one more time? | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
HE GROWLS | 0:08:21 | 0:08:22 | |
That is the mentality I want you to take into tonight. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:26 | |
So basically, the plan is to get him a makeover. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:31 | |
Facial, manicure, pedicure - boom! He's looking sexy. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:35 | |
And then I get him some nice garms and we're ready to go. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:38 | |
# Ain't nobody dope as me | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
# I'm dressed so fresh, so clean | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
# So fresh and so clean... # | 0:08:42 | 0:08:43 | |
This is bleach. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:44 | |
Bleach? Is it burning your face? | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
A little bit. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:47 | |
# Don't you think I'm so sexy? | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
# I'm dressed so fresh, so clean | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
# So fresh and so clean, clean | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
# Ain't nobody dope as me | 0:08:53 | 0:08:55 | |
# I'm dressed so fresh, so clean... # | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
Ha-hey! | 0:08:57 | 0:08:58 | |
Look who we've got here! | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
-Who is that? -Just taking his shoes off! | 0:09:00 | 0:09:02 | |
-Hello! -And very nice shoes they are. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
Hopefully, we'll have a nice evening. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
I thought it was difficult tonight. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
On the plus side, Pratheepan looked good. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
I thought he did a good job of, like, presenting himself. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:25 | |
On the negative side, Madi's mum was terrifying. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:32 | |
One of the scariest women I've ever encountered. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
Yeah, I opened the door and I went, "Hello," and she went... | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
Can you please come out? | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
I need to talk to you, huh? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:45 | |
-This is not going to work out, darling. -Why? | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
When Mother said to me, "My daughter is so beautiful. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:55 | |
"He's not good-looking. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:56 | |
"I don't want my daughter to get married." | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
What, because her mum doesn't fancy him? | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
Not fancy him! | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
Yeah, but she doesn't think he's attractive. I don't get it. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
You said he's ten out of ten when you saw the photo. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
-Photo, he looked good. -Now, all of a sudden, the mum doesn't like him | 0:10:07 | 0:10:10 | |
and now you've changed your tune. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
I'm not changing the tune! I'm just telling you what the mother said! | 0:10:12 | 0:10:15 | |
He's wearing a suit, he's had a pedicure. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:18 | |
That's not important, is it? | 0:10:18 | 0:10:19 | |
But he's gone to a lot of effort, hasn't he? | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
Mother is not interested, that's it. She was very polite. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:25 | |
She said... | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
That's what she said. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:28 | |
That's more polite, is it? | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
"My daughter is more beautiful." | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
But that? | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
Serious question - if he did the monkey impression, do you | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
-think that would change anything? -No. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
-You're in this film... -Yes. -..and this is you? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
It's a special character in the film. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:44 | |
-So what are you? Are you a monkey in this? -Yes. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
So how did you have to behave? Can you show us, like, a little... | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
-Performance? -...sample? -Yeah. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
How did you do it? | 0:10:51 | 0:10:52 | |
I have to make my whole body... | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
OK. Yeah, sure. Go for it. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:56 | |
HE IMITATES MONKEY | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
Wah! | 0:11:02 | 0:11:03 | |
HE IMITATES MONKEY | 0:11:08 | 0:11:09 | |
-That's amazing, isn't it? -Amazing! Lovely! Yay! | 0:11:10 | 0:11:13 | |
THEY CLAP | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
That was great, right? It was great! | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
I'm not saying they're definitely going to get married. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
What I am saying is it's potentially on the cards. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
You can do other animals, can't you? Choose an animal. What animals... | 0:11:21 | 0:11:24 | |
Dog. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
HE BARKS | 0:11:31 | 0:11:36 | |
-That's very good. That was great. -Yeah! | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
THEY CLAP | 0:11:42 | 0:11:44 | |
-That was good, right? -You ARE talented, I'm telling you. | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
-That was great as a dog. -Yeah. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
What did you think of his impressions, by the way? | 0:11:58 | 0:12:00 | |
-I liked it. -Which one was your favourite? | 0:12:00 | 0:12:03 | |
The monkey. The monkey was really, really good, yeah. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:07 | |
So what are we doing tonight? | 0:12:07 | 0:12:08 | |
I arranged for you to see this sports day. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:13 | |
It has been going on for hundreds of years. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
Some of my family members are coming. | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
One of the things is the pillow fight. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:22 | |
-And I want you to get involved in that. -OK. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
And then if we're doing this for you today, | 0:12:25 | 0:12:27 | |
tomorrow I've organised something. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
We're going to do that. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
-I'm a bit worried. -About what? | 0:12:31 | 0:12:34 | |
What have you organised for me? | 0:12:34 | 0:12:35 | |
Just naked mud wrestling. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
No, it's a rap thing. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:39 | |
MUSIC: Fix Up, Look Sharp by Dizzee Rascal | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
I remember one of my first sports days, | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
my dad took part in the father's race. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
He fell over and came last. I started crying. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
And he had to take me to get pancakes so that I would stop being upset. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:54 | |
Oh, shit. | 0:12:56 | 0:12:57 | |
I think my mum and dad took me for pancakes every time I was upset. | 0:12:58 | 0:13:01 | |
It does explain the childhood obesity. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:03 | |
-So do you want to participate? -What is it? | 0:13:03 | 0:13:07 | |
SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
They are going to... What are they going to do now? | 0:13:09 | 0:13:12 | |
Nobody seemed to have any idea what was going on. It was just chaos. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
-Some sort of running and go... -Yeah, yeah. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
Some sort...? | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
What does he mean? What's the running one? | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
Romesh... | 0:13:22 | 0:13:24 | |
You are to participate. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:26 | |
Yeah, yeah. Go, go, go, go. | 0:13:26 | 0:13:27 | |
I was thinking it was going to be, like, an Olympic event | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
and I'm a bit nervous, you know? | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
Am I wearing the right stuff? Probably not. And then you walk in | 0:13:32 | 0:13:35 | |
and nobody's got a sodding clue. | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
What do we have to do? | 0:13:37 | 0:13:38 | |
You just think, "Well, | 0:13:38 | 0:13:39 | |
"if I'm shit, it is in keeping with how this event's being run." | 0:13:39 | 0:13:42 | |
Go! | 0:13:42 | 0:13:43 | |
The kids were a lot faster than I thought they were going to be, | 0:13:45 | 0:13:48 | |
so I was last, basically. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:50 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:13:50 | 0:13:54 | |
That's humiliating enough. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:57 | |
Without adding into the fact that I was the only adult participating, | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
cos everyone else was kids. | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
Romesh... | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
Romesh, come on! Eat the bun! | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
It was the driest bun I've ever tasted. It was... | 0:14:11 | 0:14:14 | |
I think it's difficult enough to just have a bun hanging there. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:17 | |
That's enough of a challenge. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:18 | |
It's dry! | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
They don't have to make it out of cement. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
Ah, Romesh! | 0:14:32 | 0:14:34 | |
Yeah, Romesh! Come on! | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
CHEERING | 0:14:37 | 0:14:41 | |
Are you impressed with my level of fitness? | 0:14:41 | 0:14:43 | |
I am. I am. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
But this bit has to get tidied up, OK? Look at that. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:49 | |
Your belly like bouncy castle. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
Are we done now? | 0:14:52 | 0:14:53 | |
HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
I just heard, they're announcing that you didn't do it properly | 0:14:57 | 0:15:00 | |
because you touched it. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:02 | |
You didn't do it properly, that's what they say. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:04 | |
-How did I not do it properly? -Did you throw any bun behind you? -No. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:09 | |
-Tell me the truth. -I'm telling you the truth. | 0:15:09 | 0:15:12 | |
If you find a bun at the end of the event, I didn't put my name on it. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:16 | |
I hadn't labelled it. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:18 | |
So how did they know it's my bun? | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
There's only one possible answer. One of those little pricks is a grass. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:25 | |
The big finale for the Sri Lankan sports day is the pillow fight, | 0:15:27 | 0:15:30 | |
where you sit on a pole and you fight someone with a pillow. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:34 | |
Obviously, the main event. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
A massive crowd gathered round. They were properly excited about it! | 0:15:36 | 0:15:39 | |
Surprisingly, bun on a string - not the main event. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:43 | |
-This is the last event. You don't want to? -Not really, no. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
It looks a bit dangerous. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:47 | |
Ooh-oh... | 0:15:47 | 0:15:49 | |
Give it a try. Give it a try, man. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
Well, if I die, just remember that you're the one that told me to do it. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:58 | |
Don't say that horrible thing. Good luck. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:16:13 | 0:16:15 | |
So I'm the winner. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
But apparently, I'm not allowed to be the winner, | 0:16:17 | 0:16:19 | |
because I threw the pillow. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:21 | |
Nowhere in the extensive rule explanation I was given | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
before the event was I told that I'm not allowed to throw the pillow. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:27 | |
It's pillow fighting. I used a pillow to fight. | 0:16:27 | 0:16:29 | |
But my result was invalidated. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
I had to go up there again, then he twatted me | 0:16:31 | 0:16:33 | |
harder than I've ever been twatted with a pillow before. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
How did you take to losing the final? | 0:16:38 | 0:16:41 | |
Yeah, I think I took it really well. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:16:43 | 0:16:45 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:16:55 | 0:16:57 | |
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
Mum, can I tell you something honestly, | 0:17:05 | 0:17:07 | |
-because we're having a nice time? -Yeah, yeah. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:09 | |
-Do you know when we were in the cow and cart? -Yeah. | 0:17:09 | 0:17:12 | |
And we were, like, waving at Rajan and Chundrun? | 0:17:12 | 0:17:15 | |
It made me really happy. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:17 | |
Yeah. You know... | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
-The truth is... -Yeah? -I... | 0:17:21 | 0:17:24 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:17:24 | 0:17:25 | |
I didn't actually know any of those guys. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
-So you just pretended that you know... -No, it wasn't pretending. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:32 | |
Do you enjoy lying to your mother? | 0:17:32 | 0:17:34 | |
-It was a joke, Mum. -No, it's not a joke. I don't accept it, no. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:41 | |
Anything else that you lied to me? | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
-You know when we did the pilgrimage? Pada Yatra? -Pada Yatra, yeah. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:54 | |
-We did it. -Yeah. -It was a very hot road. We were walking barefoot. -Yeah. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:59 | |
-For three hours. -Yeah. | 0:17:59 | 0:18:01 | |
But it was so hot, my leg was hurting. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:05 | |
And so we got into the crew vehicle | 0:18:05 | 0:18:07 | |
and we went the rest of the way in the vehicle. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
-It's horrible. You're a dickhead, you are. Honest to God. -Mum... | 0:18:10 | 0:18:15 | |
..one other thing. We didn't go to Sigiriya. | 0:18:17 | 0:18:22 | |
Anyway... | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
..I'm tired, so I want to go to bed. OK? | 0:18:25 | 0:18:28 | |
-All right. -All right. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
Thank you. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:33 | |
I'm sorry about pretending I knew the people in Batticaloa | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
and about the pilgrimage and all this. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
Yeah, that's a horrible thing to do. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:52 | |
You made me believe that you have spoken to them and they're fans. | 0:18:52 | 0:18:56 | |
But... | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
-I believed you, but it's upsetting me, so what can you do? -I was... | 0:18:58 | 0:19:02 | |
It was just a joke, Mum. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
Promise me that you won't lie to me again. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:06 | |
Er... I promise, I promise. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:11 | |
-So, I've lined up something quite fun. -What is it? | 0:19:12 | 0:19:16 | |
We're going to meet up with that rap group from Colombo, Colombo MBZ. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:22 | |
-The one who humiliated you? -He didn't humiliate me. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:26 | |
Yeah, the words he used, I didn't like it at all, Romesh. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:29 | |
One thing he said in a rap battle. It's not even on their song. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:33 | |
He said I liked all sorts of cock. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
That's what you've got a problem with? | 0:19:35 | 0:19:37 | |
I don't want to listen to that word, man, again. Please don't use that. | 0:19:37 | 0:19:41 | |
-I am going to have a word with him. -Mum... -I am. I am. | 0:19:41 | 0:19:44 | |
-Don't have a word with him. -Why not? | 0:19:44 | 0:19:46 | |
Because they've agreed to do a song with us, for us to be in the video, | 0:19:46 | 0:19:50 | |
and now you're going to turn up there and go, "Why did you say about cock?" | 0:19:50 | 0:19:54 | |
'Look, I know I'm not in her good books at the moment, | 0:19:56 | 0:19:58 | |
'but I have done everything she's asked me to. | 0:19:58 | 0:20:00 | |
'So she better get involved.' | 0:20:00 | 0:20:02 | |
-So, basically, I've organised this hotel... -Yeah. -..for us to use | 0:20:04 | 0:20:08 | |
-for the video. -Oh. The video. You're going to take part in it? | 0:20:08 | 0:20:13 | |
-We are, yeah. -Yeah? | 0:20:14 | 0:20:17 | |
We are? What do you mean, "we"? | 0:20:17 | 0:20:19 | |
Mum, I'll make it really easy for you. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
It's just literally a couple of bits, | 0:20:21 | 0:20:23 | |
a little bit of dancing in the video, a bit of twerking. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:28 | |
So you expect me to get involved. I don't like the idea at all, Romesh. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:32 | |
I think it's this... | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
Yeah. KNOCKS ON DOOR | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
-How you doing? This is my mum, Shanthi. -How are you? | 0:20:39 | 0:20:42 | |
-I'm fine, thank you. -We'll go to the beach, check out the pool. | 0:20:42 | 0:20:46 | |
We'll check out some locations, if you guys want to come, | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
and we'll plan what we're going to do for the video, yeah? | 0:20:48 | 0:20:51 | |
Oh, look at this, Mum. You could do, like, a little bit in the Jacuzzi. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:54 | |
No, don't be silly, Romesh. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
What about if we use that, Mum? | 0:20:56 | 0:20:58 | |
No, I'm not going to come in the video, so I'm sorry, Romesh. | 0:20:58 | 0:21:02 | |
-What if you were just chilling out on there? -No, thank you. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:05 | |
-Or just sitting on the edge of it? -No. No way. No. | 0:21:05 | 0:21:07 | |
I mean, the pool looks amazing. Don't you think it'd be good, Mum? | 0:21:07 | 0:21:10 | |
-You walk from that end to here doing a bit of... -I'm not doing it, Rom. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:13 | |
You keep on wasting energy. Come on. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:15 | |
Mum, can I have a quick chat with you over here? | 0:21:15 | 0:21:17 | |
-Can you please just do the video? -No, | 0:21:17 | 0:21:19 | |
-I don't want to, Romesh! -Why not? | 0:21:19 | 0:21:22 | |
-You put me in a spot. -This is not our cultural tradition. | 0:21:22 | 0:21:25 | |
But they're a Sri Lankan rap group. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:28 | |
-How about this? I write the rap now. -Yeah. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:32 | |
And in the rap, | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
your part is you insulting me. | 0:21:34 | 0:21:37 | |
You won't get offended? | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
-I'm going to write it so that you can do it. -OK. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:42 | |
-That's the whole incentive behind it. -Are you going to get me a present? | 0:21:42 | 0:21:46 | |
-For doing it? -What do you want? SHE LAUGHS | 0:21:46 | 0:21:49 | |
I'll ask for expensive present. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:51 | |
OK, fine, you're allowed to insult me | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
-and I'll get you an expensive present. -Yes! I'll do it! | 0:21:53 | 0:21:56 | |
OK! Deal! | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
All right, fine. | 0:21:58 | 0:21:59 | |
RAP MUSIC | 0:22:01 | 0:22:03 | |
Sri Lanka! | 0:22:03 | 0:22:06 | |
Colombo MBZ and Romesh Ranganathan | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
UK-Sri Lanka collaboration | 0:22:09 | 0:22:11 | |
2015! Banging it out Let's go! | 0:22:11 | 0:22:14 | |
Rap! I'm here in Sri Lanka The language is double Dutch | 0:22:51 | 0:22:53 | |
-All because my mum said -"Rom, you're a coconut" | 0:22:53 | 0:22:56 | |
Started in Colombo The rap battle really rocked | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
When this man told me I liked all types of cock | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
Pada Yatra, got a van Cos the road was hot | 0:23:00 | 0:23:01 | |
Pierced my Uncle Rags picked me up a lot | 0:23:01 | 0:23:03 | |
Learning Angampora Punches I was banging out | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
Beaten by a team While my arse crack was hanging out | 0:23:05 | 0:23:07 | |
Next with my mum I had a little ding-dong | 0:23:07 | 0:23:09 | |
Instead of the activities I made a film with King Kong | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
Now I'm in trouble Lied to Mum on telly | 0:23:11 | 0:23:12 | |
-But she spent the show saying -"You've got a fat belly" | 0:23:12 | 0:23:15 | |
# Ooh-ah, ooh-ah | 0:23:15 | 0:23:18 | |
# We are Sri Lanka | 0:23:18 | 0:23:22 | |
# Ooh-ah, ooh-ah | 0:23:22 | 0:23:26 | |
# We are Sri Lanka. # | 0:23:26 | 0:23:29 | |
-So, Mum, be honest. You did enjoy yourself today, didn't you? -Er, yes. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:36 | |
When you asked me to do it, I thought, | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
"My God, he's going to offend you or you're going to get angry". | 0:23:38 | 0:23:41 | |
I mean, I could feel I constantly talking about your belly there. | 0:23:41 | 0:23:46 | |
Yeah, so why don't you shut up about it? | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
-It's a bit difficult. -What is your obsession with it? | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
-Anyway, forget the belly. -What do you mean, "Forget the..."? | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
-You're telling me? -Yeah. -YOU'RE always going on about it. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:57 | |
-No, I'm not going to talk about it. -I bet you 200 quid | 0:23:57 | 0:23:59 | |
-you can't not mention it for a week. -OK, wait and see. Wait and see. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:02 | |
-I will wait and see. I look forward to my £200 in a week's time. -Yeah. | 0:24:02 | 0:24:06 | |
I imagine, when you give it to me, you'll go, "Here you go, fatty". | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
SHE CHUCKLES | 0:24:08 | 0:24:10 | |
Well, it's my last day in Sri Lanka, | 0:24:14 | 0:24:15 | |
and, you know, I wanted to do something nice for my mum. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:19 | |
I didn't do Sigiriya when I was supposed to. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:22 | |
So I thought, "What better way to spend the last day with my mum | 0:24:22 | 0:24:25 | |
"than actually taking her to Sigiriya?" | 0:24:25 | 0:24:28 | |
-Bang. -Wow! | 0:24:32 | 0:24:35 | |
-Amazing, right? -Yeah, beautiful, man! | 0:24:35 | 0:24:38 | |
It's only, like, a seven-, eight-hour walk up the steps. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:42 | |
I've done a little bit of brushing up. | 0:24:42 | 0:24:44 | |
-King Kashyapa built the palace on top of Sigiriya. -Are you making that up? | 0:24:44 | 0:24:50 | |
Is this another one of your...? | 0:24:50 | 0:24:51 | |
No, this is my mum made me promise not to lie. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
So what I don't want to do is start pretending, you know, | 0:24:54 | 0:24:59 | |
it's King Jaffy-Joffa. | 0:24:59 | 0:25:01 | |
You know, the royal wipers used to come up to the | 0:25:01 | 0:25:04 | |
top of the mountain and clean his batty for him, or whatever, | 0:25:04 | 0:25:07 | |
and from that action, that's how they named Batticaloa. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:10 | |
Batticaloa actually means "to clean the batty". | 0:25:12 | 0:25:16 | |
It's great to see you learning about the culture and the history. | 0:25:18 | 0:25:21 | |
What have you taken from the last six weeks? | 0:25:21 | 0:25:24 | |
I sort of came on the trip in a position where | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
if Sri Lanka was mentioned, I'd start to feel self-conscious | 0:25:26 | 0:25:30 | |
and worried about not knowing enough, | 0:25:30 | 0:25:32 | |
and now I feel I'm in a position where I've experienced | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
enough of it that actually, I can get to a point where | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
I start to make other people feel bad about themselves. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:40 | |
-That's a horrible message. -Well, no, I mean, it's good, isn't it? | 0:25:40 | 0:25:43 | |
All these people that go travelling, they're wankers in training. | 0:25:43 | 0:25:46 | |
That's what you're doing, you're training to be a wanker | 0:25:46 | 0:25:49 | |
so you can make other people feel like shit. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:51 | |
So what does that make you now? | 0:25:51 | 0:25:53 | |
Well, you've snookered me there, haven't you? | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
I'm a fully trained wanker! That's what we should have called this. | 0:25:56 | 0:26:00 | |
Romesh Becomes A Wanker In Sri Lanka. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
-We did it. -Yeah, done it! Come on. Come on, Romesh. | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
SHE LAUGHS DELIGHTEDLY | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
-Yes! -Are you enjoying this? -I am. -Wonderful, isn't it? | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
Yeah, it is wonderful. It's beautiful. | 0:26:12 | 0:26:14 | |
-Thanks for organising, anyway. -Mum, | 0:26:14 | 0:26:17 | |
I hope you like your expensive present. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
-Have you got it? -This is it. Yeah, I've got it. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:24 | |
We're experiencing it right now. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:26 | |
-No... OK. -Mum, this is the present. -OK, that's fine. I'll accept it. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:30 | |
-Are you disappointed? -No, I'm not disappointed! No. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:34 | |
That means no shopping, is it? | 0:26:34 | 0:26:36 | |
-This is the present. -This is the present. OK. | 0:26:36 | 0:26:40 | |
-Mum, I have actually got a proper surprise for you. -Have you? -Yeah. | 0:26:40 | 0:26:44 | |
We're going to fly all around Sigiriya in this. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:47 | |
-Ohhh! -We've got a private jet just for us to have a look around. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:50 | |
Oh, lovely, man! Thank you! Thank you, honey. Ohhh! | 0:26:50 | 0:26:53 | |
-I thought this is a way of getting a Sri Lankan experience... -Yeah. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:56 | |
..but without any of the hassle. | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
-I reckon it'll be even better than the views. -I think so, yeah. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:04 | |
Bloody hell, it's faster than I thought it was going to be! | 0:27:09 | 0:27:12 | |
Beautiful! | 0:27:12 | 0:27:14 | |
Mum, look! | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
-Ohhh! -How cool is that? | 0:27:16 | 0:27:18 | |
MUSIC: Thanks For The Memory by Frank Sinatra | 0:27:18 | 0:27:20 | |
# Thanks for the memory... | 0:27:20 | 0:27:23 | |
Thank you. Thank you. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:24 | |
# Of things I can't forget | 0:27:24 | 0:27:28 | |
# Journeys on a jet... | 0:27:28 | 0:27:31 | |
Cheers. | 0:27:31 | 0:27:32 | |
# Our wondrous week in Martinique | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
# And Vegas and roulette... | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
Batman tune! | 0:27:37 | 0:27:38 | |
# How lucky I was... | 0:27:38 | 0:27:43 | |
That's a beautiful view. You've made me proud. | 0:27:43 | 0:27:46 | |
# And thanks for the memory... | 0:27:46 | 0:27:49 | |
I don't expect this from you. Not from you. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:52 | |
# Of summers by the sea... | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
Can somebody get me down? | 0:27:54 | 0:27:56 | |
# Dawn in Waikiki... | 0:27:56 | 0:27:58 | |
This ain't fun any more, is it? | 0:27:58 | 0:27:59 | |
# We had a pad in London But we didn't stop for tea... | 0:27:59 | 0:28:05 | |
I'm off duty, sorry! | 0:28:05 | 0:28:06 | |
# How cosy it was... | 0:28:06 | 0:28:10 | |
I'm really proud of you, man, for doing all this, | 0:28:10 | 0:28:13 | |
-and I love you. You're such a wonderful boy. -Thank you. All right. | 0:28:13 | 0:28:16 | |
Love you, too. | 0:28:16 | 0:28:18 | |
-So, can I just ask you... -Yeah. | 0:28:18 | 0:28:21 | |
..do you still think I'm a coconut? | 0:28:21 | 0:28:23 | |
You're not. | 0:28:25 | 0:28:26 | |
OK? | 0:28:28 | 0:28:29 | |
I don't believe you. | 0:28:29 | 0:28:31 |