Shanthi's Return Asian Provocateur


Shanthi's Return

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LineFromTo

Romey, I want you to visit Sri Lanka.

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Would you like to do that, darling?

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-No.

-Why not?

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Sorry.

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Jesus Christ!

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My name's Romesh Ranganathan and I know absolutely

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nothing about the culture of where my family are from.

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My feet are actually burning.

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I know more about Horsham. That's sad, isn't it?

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You are a Sri Lankan but you're a coconut, isn't it?

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Ow! Jesus!

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-What do you mean?

-You were born and brought up in England,

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so you speak English. You don't know the language.

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You made me a coconut!

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I'm sending you to Sri Lanka to learn about the religion,

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the language,

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about my relations and learn about their culture.

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Shit!

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My mum's put me up for doing a tour of Sri Lanka

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and I do want to go and do it but I'm not doing it cos my mum

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told me to except for the fact that my mum told me to and I am doing it.

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Whoa! Oh! Ooh! Ah!

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Oh, mate! OK, I'm done. I'm done.

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My mum's coming.

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I'm looking forward to seeing her.

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We're in Batticaloa.

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It's the area of Sri Lanka that my mum sort of grew up.

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She didn't sort of grow up. She did grow up.

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She's going to be expecting to find out what exactly I've

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learnt from my trip.

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What I'm going to try and do,

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I'm sort of going to try and Derren Brown her.

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Do you know what I mean? Little suggestions that I know what

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I'm talking about, that I've become an expert. That's kind of...

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That's my strategy.

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Lie!

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It's not lying, it's...it's...

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No, it's lying. It is lying.

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# Stand up... #

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I've got a nice thing lined up for her.

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We're going to have a look around

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and we're going to do it in

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the traditional Sri Lankan way, which is in a...

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in a cart that's being pulled by a cow.

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Hi, my son!

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Ohh! Lovely to see you, darling.

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What are we doing now?

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We're doing a little tour of Batticaloa...

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OK. Lovely.

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..in that.

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You're joking, dear?

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No! No way!

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We're just going to go and have a little journey round in that.

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-In that?

-Yeah.

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Shall we go?

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Jesus! Ooh!

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A lot of the locals have got to know me here. Hi, how you doing?

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-Hello.

-This is one of the number one fabric shops in Batticaloa.

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Printer's.

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A lot of the city gents here go to City Gents.

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That fruit stall there has the second highest

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turnover in the whole of Batticaloa.

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Nice! Nice! Nice! I am very impressed by it.

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-You've made lots of friends here.

-Yeah.

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I'll be honest with you. I thought,

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initially, it would be funny to pretend I know a couple of people.

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Hi, mate! That's another one of my friends.

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-That's Ravi.

-Ravi.

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That's Sabash.

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Hi, Sabash!

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That's Suhun.

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Suhun. Where? Which one is Suhun? There?

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'I didn't know it was going to work that well.

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'By the time I'd realised what was going on, it was too late to back out then.'

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I just had to along with it.

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Now my mum thinks that I'm... she thinks I'm, like, the most

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popular guy in Batticaloa!

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You came early here and learned about everything,

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and you showed a lot of interest in it.

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It's fantastic, man. I feel like crying.

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Wouldn't the ideal thing have been that you genuinely knew something

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about the area that your mum grew up in and told her about it?

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Yes.

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MUSIC: She Wants To Move by N.E.R.D.

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My mum wants us to go and visit my Auntie Selvi.

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Basically, she doesn't want me to just meet her and get to know her.

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Apparently, my Auntie Selvi does this, like, arranged marriage

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introductory service, and my mum wants me to get involved.

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As all I've done so far is lie to her,

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I am actually going to give it a proper go.

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Like, how many people has she got on the go at the moment?

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THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE

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300.

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300?

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-Yes.

-Yeah.

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So does she have anybody...

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-Yeah?

-..that she's struggling to...

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like, to match up with anyone?

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Show it to him there.

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-This guy?

-This guy, yeah.

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Pratheepan Poopalasingam?

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-WOMEN:

-Poobalasingam!

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Oh, Poobalasingam. I was going to say. The name won't help, will it - poop?

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-You have to pronounce it right.

-No, I know.

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So what's this guy's problem? Why can't they...

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THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE

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He hasn't got a government job.

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Everybody in Sri Lanka,

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they look for a government job. It's security more than anything.

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What if it's a really wonderful man but he doesn't have a job?

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Hard luck, man!

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-I take it his looks are not a problem?

-No, he's good-looking.

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-He's hot, isn't he?

-Yeah. Yeah.

-What would you give him out of ten?

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-He's ten out of ten.

-Oh, wow!

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-You really like him!

-He's good-looking.

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'I just felt sorry for this guy

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'so I sort of decided that we would try and help this dude out.'

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We looked through the available girls

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and there's this one girl who seems to be a perfect match.

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She's in the arts, he's in the arts

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and he's very successful in the arts.

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I don't see why it can't happen.

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For them to see each other, or for the girl to see the dude,

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they can't meet.

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The way they arrange them seeing each other is they do, basically, a drive-by.

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My Auntie Selvi will set that all up.

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She's going to have the dude waiting on the corner,

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we're going to be with the girl.

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The guy knows that he's going to get viewed.

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So then you're just standing there, trying to look as sexy as possible,

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just, like, while a car pulls up.

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Is it just me or is this absolutely mental?

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Oh, God! Look, this is him.

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-Huh?

-This is him here.

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Look, that's him.

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Can she see him?

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THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE

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-Is she looking?

-Yeah.

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Can you, um, ask her what her first impressions are?

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THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE

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Ah. He's a bit dark.

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-He's a bit dark?

-Dark, yeah.

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She doesn't like the way he was wearing slippers.

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She expected him to be a bit stylish

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and a better shoe or shirt or whatever.

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-So she thinks he hasn't made enough of an effort?

-That's it. That's it. Yeah. Yeah.

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-I'm going to go have a chat with the guy.

-OK.

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-Hi, mate.

-This is Pratheepan.

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-Romesh. How you doing?

-Good.

-Pratheepan?

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Good to see you. Good to see you. Yes.

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She likes you. She thought you had a good look.

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If we manage to get this date sorted out, you just will have to

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-smarten up a little bit, just for the purposes of that.

-Yes.

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You've got a lot going for you in terms of...

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You're an actor, right?

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Yes. As an artist, we have to imitate actors,

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animals and then anything.

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Can you imitate animals?

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-Yeah, yeah.

-Like, what animals can you imitate?

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Dog, cat, tiger, monkey.

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Right, give me a quick tiger.

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HE ROARS

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HE ROARS

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Like that, you know.

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Brilliant. OK, I'm going to go have a chat with her

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and then I'll come back to you and update you.

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Right, I'm back.

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Can you ask her, if we got him to a point where he'd smartened up,

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would she be happy for us to have, like, them have an official meet-up?

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THEY SPEAK OWN LANGUAGE

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-Yes.

-She said yeah?

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You arrange the date.

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The news is the date's on, mate.

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How do you feel, good?

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Yeah, I would like to.

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Good. Can I see, like, the tiger one more time?

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HE GROWLS

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That is the mentality I want you to take into tonight.

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So basically, the plan is to get him a makeover.

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Facial, manicure, pedicure - boom! He's looking sexy.

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And then I get him some nice garms and we're ready to go.

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# Ain't nobody dope as me

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# I'm dressed so fresh, so clean

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# So fresh and so clean... #

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This is bleach.

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Bleach? Is it burning your face?

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A little bit.

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# Don't you think I'm so sexy?

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# I'm dressed so fresh, so clean

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# So fresh and so clean, clean

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# Ain't nobody dope as me

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# I'm dressed so fresh, so clean... #

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Ha-hey!

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Look who we've got here!

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-Who is that?

-Just taking his shoes off!

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-Hello!

-And very nice shoes they are.

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Hopefully, we'll have a nice evening.

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I thought it was difficult tonight.

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On the plus side, Pratheepan looked good.

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I thought he did a good job of, like, presenting himself.

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On the negative side, Madi's mum was terrifying.

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One of the scariest women I've ever encountered.

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Yeah, I opened the door and I went, "Hello," and she went...

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Can you please come out?

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I need to talk to you, huh?

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-This is not going to work out, darling.

-Why?

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When Mother said to me, "My daughter is so beautiful.

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"He's not good-looking.

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"I don't want my daughter to get married."

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What, because her mum doesn't fancy him?

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Not fancy him!

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Yeah, but she doesn't think he's attractive. I don't get it.

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You said he's ten out of ten when you saw the photo.

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-Photo, he looked good.

-Now, all of a sudden, the mum doesn't like him

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and now you've changed your tune.

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I'm not changing the tune! I'm just telling you what the mother said!

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He's wearing a suit, he's had a pedicure.

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That's not important, is it?

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But he's gone to a lot of effort, hasn't he?

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Mother is not interested, that's it. She was very polite.

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She said...

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That's what she said.

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That's more polite, is it?

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"My daughter is more beautiful."

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But that?

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Serious question - if he did the monkey impression, do you

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-think that would change anything?

-No.

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-You're in this film...

-Yes.

-..and this is you?

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It's a special character in the film.

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-So what are you? Are you a monkey in this?

-Yes.

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So how did you have to behave? Can you show us, like, a little...

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-Performance?

-...sample?

-Yeah.

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How did you do it?

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I have to make my whole body...

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OK. Yeah, sure. Go for it.

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HE IMITATES MONKEY

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Wah!

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HE IMITATES MONKEY

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-That's amazing, isn't it?

-Amazing! Lovely! Yay!

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THEY CLAP

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That was great, right? It was great!

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I'm not saying they're definitely going to get married.

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What I am saying is it's potentially on the cards.

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You can do other animals, can't you? Choose an animal. What animals...

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Dog.

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HE BARKS

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-That's very good. That was great.

-Yeah!

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THEY CLAP

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-That was good, right?

-You ARE talented, I'm telling you.

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-That was great as a dog.

-Yeah.

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What did you think of his impressions, by the way?

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-I liked it.

-Which one was your favourite?

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The monkey. The monkey was really, really good, yeah.

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So what are we doing tonight?

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I arranged for you to see this sports day.

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It has been going on for hundreds of years.

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Some of my family members are coming.

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One of the things is the pillow fight.

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-And I want you to get involved in that.

-OK.

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And then if we're doing this for you today,

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tomorrow I've organised something.

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We're going to do that.

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-I'm a bit worried.

-About what?

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What have you organised for me?

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Just naked mud wrestling.

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No, it's a rap thing.

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MUSIC: Fix Up, Look Sharp by Dizzee Rascal

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I remember one of my first sports days,

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my dad took part in the father's race.

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He fell over and came last. I started crying.

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And he had to take me to get pancakes so that I would stop being upset.

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Oh, shit.

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I think my mum and dad took me for pancakes every time I was upset.

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It does explain the childhood obesity.

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-So do you want to participate?

-What is it?

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SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

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They are going to... What are they going to do now?

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Nobody seemed to have any idea what was going on. It was just chaos.

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-Some sort of running and go...

-Yeah, yeah.

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Some sort...?

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What does he mean? What's the running one?

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Romesh...

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You are to participate.

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Yeah, yeah. Go, go, go, go.

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I was thinking it was going to be, like, an Olympic event

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and I'm a bit nervous, you know?

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Am I wearing the right stuff? Probably not. And then you walk in

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and nobody's got a sodding clue.

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What do we have to do?

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You just think, "Well,

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"if I'm shit, it is in keeping with how this event's being run."

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Go!

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The kids were a lot faster than I thought they were going to be,

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so I was last, basically.

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SHE LAUGHS

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That's humiliating enough.

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Without adding into the fact that I was the only adult participating,

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cos everyone else was kids.

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Romesh...

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Romesh, come on! Eat the bun!

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It was the driest bun I've ever tasted. It was...

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I think it's difficult enough to just have a bun hanging there.

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That's enough of a challenge.

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It's dry!

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They don't have to make it out of cement.

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SHE LAUGHS

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Ah, Romesh!

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Yeah, Romesh! Come on!

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CHEERING

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Are you impressed with my level of fitness?

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I am. I am.

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But this bit has to get tidied up, OK? Look at that.

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Your belly like bouncy castle.

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Are we done now?

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HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

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I just heard, they're announcing that you didn't do it properly

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because you touched it.

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You didn't do it properly, that's what they say.

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-How did I not do it properly?

-Did you throw any bun behind you?

-No.

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-Tell me the truth.

-I'm telling you the truth.

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If you find a bun at the end of the event, I didn't put my name on it.

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I hadn't labelled it.

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So how did they know it's my bun?

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There's only one possible answer. One of those little pricks is a grass.

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The big finale for the Sri Lankan sports day is the pillow fight,

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where you sit on a pole and you fight someone with a pillow.

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Obviously, the main event.

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A massive crowd gathered round. They were properly excited about it!

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Surprisingly, bun on a string - not the main event.

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-This is the last event. You don't want to?

-Not really, no.

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It looks a bit dangerous.

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Ooh-oh...

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Give it a try. Give it a try, man.

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Well, if I die, just remember that you're the one that told me to do it.

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Don't say that horrible thing. Good luck.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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So I'm the winner.

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But apparently, I'm not allowed to be the winner,

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because I threw the pillow.

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Nowhere in the extensive rule explanation I was given

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before the event was I told that I'm not allowed to throw the pillow.

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It's pillow fighting. I used a pillow to fight.

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But my result was invalidated.

0:16:290:16:31

I had to go up there again, then he twatted me

0:16:310:16:33

harder than I've ever been twatted with a pillow before.

0:16:330:16:36

How did you take to losing the final?

0:16:380:16:41

Yeah, I think I took it really well.

0:16:410:16:43

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:16:430:16:45

THEY LAUGH

0:16:550:16:57

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:17:020:17:04

Mum, can I tell you something honestly,

0:17:050:17:07

-because we're having a nice time?

-Yeah, yeah.

0:17:070:17:09

-Do you know when we were in the cow and cart?

-Yeah.

0:17:090:17:12

And we were, like, waving at Rajan and Chundrun?

0:17:120:17:15

It made me really happy.

0:17:150:17:17

Yeah. You know...

0:17:180:17:21

-The truth is...

-Yeah?

-I...

0:17:210:17:24

HE LAUGHS

0:17:240:17:25

I didn't actually know any of those guys.

0:17:250:17:28

-So you just pretended that you know...

-No, it wasn't pretending.

0:17:280:17:32

Do you enjoy lying to your mother?

0:17:320:17:34

-It was a joke, Mum.

-No, it's not a joke. I don't accept it, no.

0:17:370:17:41

Anything else that you lied to me?

0:17:450:17:47

-You know when we did the pilgrimage? Pada Yatra?

-Pada Yatra, yeah.

0:17:490:17:54

-We did it.

-Yeah.

-It was a very hot road. We were walking barefoot.

-Yeah.

0:17:540:17:59

-For three hours.

-Yeah.

0:17:590:18:01

But it was so hot, my leg was hurting.

0:18:030:18:05

And so we got into the crew vehicle

0:18:050:18:07

and we went the rest of the way in the vehicle.

0:18:070:18:10

-It's horrible. You're a dickhead, you are. Honest to God.

-Mum...

0:18:100:18:15

..one other thing. We didn't go to Sigiriya.

0:18:170:18:22

Anyway...

0:18:220:18:24

..I'm tired, so I want to go to bed. OK?

0:18:250:18:28

-All right.

-All right.

0:18:290:18:31

Thank you.

0:18:320:18:33

I'm sorry about pretending I knew the people in Batticaloa

0:18:460:18:48

and about the pilgrimage and all this.

0:18:480:18:50

Yeah, that's a horrible thing to do.

0:18:500:18:52

You made me believe that you have spoken to them and they're fans.

0:18:520:18:56

But...

0:18:560:18:58

-I believed you, but it's upsetting me, so what can you do?

-I was...

0:18:580:19:02

It was just a joke, Mum.

0:19:020:19:04

Promise me that you won't lie to me again.

0:19:040:19:06

Er... I promise, I promise.

0:19:080:19:11

-So, I've lined up something quite fun.

-What is it?

0:19:120:19:16

We're going to meet up with that rap group from Colombo, Colombo MBZ.

0:19:160:19:22

-The one who humiliated you?

-He didn't humiliate me.

0:19:220:19:26

Yeah, the words he used, I didn't like it at all, Romesh.

0:19:260:19:29

One thing he said in a rap battle. It's not even on their song.

0:19:290:19:33

He said I liked all sorts of cock.

0:19:330:19:35

That's what you've got a problem with?

0:19:350:19:37

I don't want to listen to that word, man, again. Please don't use that.

0:19:370:19:41

-I am going to have a word with him.

-Mum...

-I am. I am.

0:19:410:19:44

-Don't have a word with him.

-Why not?

0:19:440:19:46

Because they've agreed to do a song with us, for us to be in the video,

0:19:460:19:50

and now you're going to turn up there and go, "Why did you say about cock?"

0:19:500:19:54

'Look, I know I'm not in her good books at the moment,

0:19:560:19:58

'but I have done everything she's asked me to.

0:19:580:20:00

'So she better get involved.'

0:20:000:20:02

-So, basically, I've organised this hotel...

-Yeah.

-..for us to use

0:20:040:20:08

-for the video.

-Oh. The video. You're going to take part in it?

0:20:080:20:13

-We are, yeah.

-Yeah?

0:20:140:20:17

We are? What do you mean, "we"?

0:20:170:20:19

Mum, I'll make it really easy for you.

0:20:190:20:21

It's just literally a couple of bits,

0:20:210:20:23

a little bit of dancing in the video, a bit of twerking.

0:20:230:20:28

So you expect me to get involved. I don't like the idea at all, Romesh.

0:20:280:20:32

I think it's this...

0:20:340:20:36

Yeah. KNOCKS ON DOOR

0:20:360:20:38

-How you doing? This is my mum, Shanthi.

-How are you?

0:20:390:20:42

-I'm fine, thank you.

-We'll go to the beach, check out the pool.

0:20:420:20:46

We'll check out some locations, if you guys want to come,

0:20:460:20:48

and we'll plan what we're going to do for the video, yeah?

0:20:480:20:51

Oh, look at this, Mum. You could do, like, a little bit in the Jacuzzi.

0:20:510:20:54

No, don't be silly, Romesh.

0:20:540:20:56

What about if we use that, Mum?

0:20:560:20:58

No, I'm not going to come in the video, so I'm sorry, Romesh.

0:20:580:21:02

-What if you were just chilling out on there?

-No, thank you.

0:21:020:21:05

-Or just sitting on the edge of it?

-No. No way. No.

0:21:050:21:07

I mean, the pool looks amazing. Don't you think it'd be good, Mum?

0:21:070:21:10

-You walk from that end to here doing a bit of...

-I'm not doing it, Rom.

0:21:100:21:13

You keep on wasting energy. Come on.

0:21:130:21:15

Mum, can I have a quick chat with you over here?

0:21:150:21:17

-Can you please just do the video?

-No,

0:21:170:21:19

-I don't want to, Romesh!

-Why not?

0:21:190:21:22

-You put me in a spot.

-This is not our cultural tradition.

0:21:220:21:25

But they're a Sri Lankan rap group.

0:21:250:21:28

-How about this? I write the rap now.

-Yeah.

0:21:280:21:32

And in the rap,

0:21:320:21:34

your part is you insulting me.

0:21:340:21:37

You won't get offended?

0:21:370:21:39

-I'm going to write it so that you can do it.

-OK.

0:21:390:21:42

-That's the whole incentive behind it.

-Are you going to get me a present?

0:21:420:21:46

-For doing it?

-What do you want? SHE LAUGHS

0:21:460:21:49

I'll ask for expensive present.

0:21:490:21:51

OK, fine, you're allowed to insult me

0:21:510:21:53

-and I'll get you an expensive present.

-Yes! I'll do it!

0:21:530:21:56

OK! Deal!

0:21:560:21:58

All right, fine.

0:21:580:21:59

RAP MUSIC

0:22:010:22:03

Sri Lanka!

0:22:030:22:06

Colombo MBZ and Romesh Ranganathan

0:22:060:22:09

UK-Sri Lanka collaboration

0:22:090:22:11

2015! Banging it out Let's go!

0:22:110:22:14

Rap! I'm here in Sri Lanka The language is double Dutch

0:22:510:22:53

-All because my mum said

-"Rom, you're a coconut"

0:22:530:22:56

Started in Colombo The rap battle really rocked

0:22:560:22:58

When this man told me I liked all types of cock

0:22:580:23:00

Pada Yatra, got a van Cos the road was hot

0:23:000:23:01

Pierced my Uncle Rags picked me up a lot

0:23:010:23:03

Learning Angampora Punches I was banging out

0:23:030:23:05

Beaten by a team While my arse crack was hanging out

0:23:050:23:07

Next with my mum I had a little ding-dong

0:23:070:23:09

Instead of the activities I made a film with King Kong

0:23:090:23:11

Now I'm in trouble Lied to Mum on telly

0:23:110:23:12

-But she spent the show saying

-"You've got a fat belly"

0:23:120:23:15

# Ooh-ah, ooh-ah

0:23:150:23:18

# We are Sri Lanka

0:23:180:23:22

# Ooh-ah, ooh-ah

0:23:220:23:26

# We are Sri Lanka. #

0:23:260:23:29

-So, Mum, be honest. You did enjoy yourself today, didn't you?

-Er, yes.

0:23:320:23:36

When you asked me to do it, I thought,

0:23:360:23:38

"My God, he's going to offend you or you're going to get angry".

0:23:380:23:41

I mean, I could feel I constantly talking about your belly there.

0:23:410:23:46

Yeah, so why don't you shut up about it?

0:23:460:23:48

-It's a bit difficult.

-What is your obsession with it?

0:23:480:23:51

-Anyway, forget the belly.

-What do you mean, "Forget the..."?

0:23:510:23:54

-You're telling me?

-Yeah.

-YOU'RE always going on about it.

0:23:540:23:57

-No, I'm not going to talk about it.

-I bet you 200 quid

0:23:570:23:59

-you can't not mention it for a week.

-OK, wait and see. Wait and see.

0:23:590:24:02

-I will wait and see. I look forward to my £200 in a week's time.

-Yeah.

0:24:020:24:06

I imagine, when you give it to me, you'll go, "Here you go, fatty".

0:24:060:24:08

SHE CHUCKLES

0:24:080:24:10

Well, it's my last day in Sri Lanka,

0:24:140:24:15

and, you know, I wanted to do something nice for my mum.

0:24:150:24:19

I didn't do Sigiriya when I was supposed to.

0:24:190:24:22

So I thought, "What better way to spend the last day with my mum

0:24:220:24:25

"than actually taking her to Sigiriya?"

0:24:250:24:28

-Bang.

-Wow!

0:24:320:24:35

-Amazing, right?

-Yeah, beautiful, man!

0:24:350:24:38

It's only, like, a seven-, eight-hour walk up the steps.

0:24:380:24:42

I've done a little bit of brushing up.

0:24:420:24:44

-King Kashyapa built the palace on top of Sigiriya.

-Are you making that up?

0:24:440:24:50

Is this another one of your...?

0:24:500:24:51

No, this is my mum made me promise not to lie.

0:24:510:24:54

So what I don't want to do is start pretending, you know,

0:24:540:24:59

it's King Jaffy-Joffa.

0:24:590:25:01

You know, the royal wipers used to come up to the

0:25:010:25:04

top of the mountain and clean his batty for him, or whatever,

0:25:040:25:07

and from that action, that's how they named Batticaloa.

0:25:070:25:10

Batticaloa actually means "to clean the batty".

0:25:120:25:16

It's great to see you learning about the culture and the history.

0:25:180:25:21

What have you taken from the last six weeks?

0:25:210:25:24

I sort of came on the trip in a position where

0:25:240:25:26

if Sri Lanka was mentioned, I'd start to feel self-conscious

0:25:260:25:30

and worried about not knowing enough,

0:25:300:25:32

and now I feel I'm in a position where I've experienced

0:25:320:25:34

enough of it that actually, I can get to a point where

0:25:340:25:36

I start to make other people feel bad about themselves.

0:25:360:25:40

-That's a horrible message.

-Well, no, I mean, it's good, isn't it?

0:25:400:25:43

All these people that go travelling, they're wankers in training.

0:25:430:25:46

That's what you're doing, you're training to be a wanker

0:25:460:25:49

so you can make other people feel like shit.

0:25:490:25:51

So what does that make you now?

0:25:510:25:53

Well, you've snookered me there, haven't you?

0:25:540:25:56

I'm a fully trained wanker! That's what we should have called this.

0:25:560:26:00

Romesh Becomes A Wanker In Sri Lanka.

0:26:000:26:02

-We did it.

-Yeah, done it! Come on. Come on, Romesh.

0:26:020:26:05

SHE LAUGHS DELIGHTEDLY

0:26:050:26:07

-Yes!

-Are you enjoying this?

-I am.

-Wonderful, isn't it?

0:26:100:26:12

Yeah, it is wonderful. It's beautiful.

0:26:120:26:14

-Thanks for organising, anyway.

-Mum,

0:26:140:26:17

I hope you like your expensive present.

0:26:170:26:19

-Have you got it?

-This is it. Yeah, I've got it.

0:26:210:26:24

We're experiencing it right now.

0:26:240:26:26

-No... OK.

-Mum, this is the present.

-OK, that's fine. I'll accept it.

0:26:260:26:30

-Are you disappointed?

-No, I'm not disappointed! No.

0:26:300:26:34

That means no shopping, is it?

0:26:340:26:36

-This is the present.

-This is the present. OK.

0:26:360:26:40

-Mum, I have actually got a proper surprise for you.

-Have you?

-Yeah.

0:26:400:26:44

We're going to fly all around Sigiriya in this.

0:26:440:26:47

-Ohhh!

-We've got a private jet just for us to have a look around.

0:26:470:26:50

Oh, lovely, man! Thank you! Thank you, honey. Ohhh!

0:26:500:26:53

-I thought this is a way of getting a Sri Lankan experience...

-Yeah.

0:26:530:26:56

..but without any of the hassle.

0:26:560:26:58

-I reckon it'll be even better than the views.

-I think so, yeah.

0:27:000:27:04

Bloody hell, it's faster than I thought it was going to be!

0:27:090:27:12

Beautiful!

0:27:120:27:14

Mum, look!

0:27:140:27:16

-Ohhh!

-How cool is that?

0:27:160:27:18

MUSIC: Thanks For The Memory by Frank Sinatra

0:27:180:27:20

# Thanks for the memory...

0:27:200:27:23

Thank you. Thank you.

0:27:230:27:24

# Of things I can't forget

0:27:240:27:28

# Journeys on a jet...

0:27:280:27:31

Cheers.

0:27:310:27:32

# Our wondrous week in Martinique

0:27:320:27:34

# And Vegas and roulette...

0:27:340:27:37

Batman tune!

0:27:370:27:38

# How lucky I was...

0:27:380:27:43

That's a beautiful view. You've made me proud.

0:27:430:27:46

# And thanks for the memory...

0:27:460:27:49

I don't expect this from you. Not from you.

0:27:490:27:52

# Of summers by the sea...

0:27:520:27:54

Can somebody get me down?

0:27:540:27:56

# Dawn in Waikiki...

0:27:560:27:58

This ain't fun any more, is it?

0:27:580:27:59

# We had a pad in London But we didn't stop for tea...

0:27:590:28:05

I'm off duty, sorry!

0:28:050:28:06

# How cosy it was...

0:28:060:28:10

I'm really proud of you, man, for doing all this,

0:28:100:28:13

-and I love you. You're such a wonderful boy.

-Thank you. All right.

0:28:130:28:16

Love you, too.

0:28:160:28:18

-So, can I just ask you...

-Yeah.

0:28:180:28:21

..do you still think I'm a coconut?

0:28:210:28:23

You're not.

0:28:250:28:26

OK?

0:28:280:28:29

I don't believe you.

0:28:290:28:31

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