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This programme contains some strong language. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:06 | |
-Romi, I want you to visit Sri Lanka. -Would you like to do that, darling? -No. -Why not? | 0:00:06 | 0:00:10 | |
Sorry. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
Jesus Christ! | 0:00:12 | 0:00:13 | |
My name's Romesh Ranganathan, and I know absolutely nothing | 0:00:13 | 0:00:17 | |
about the culture of where my family are from. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
My feet are actually burning. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
I know more about Horsham. That's sad, isn't it? | 0:00:21 | 0:00:25 | |
You are a Sri Lankan but you're a coconut, isn't it? | 0:00:26 | 0:00:30 | |
Ow! Jesus! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:31 | |
-What do you mean, a coconut? -Born and brought up in England, | 0:00:31 | 0:00:34 | |
-so you speak English, you don't know the language. -You made me a coconut! | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
Whoa! | 0:00:37 | 0:00:38 | |
Yeah, I'm sending you to Sri Lanka to learn about the religion, | 0:00:38 | 0:00:42 | |
the language, | 0:00:42 | 0:00:43 | |
about my relations and learn about their culture. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:47 | |
Shit! | 0:00:49 | 0:00:50 | |
My mum's putting me up for doing a tour of Sri Lanka. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
I do want to go and do it, but I'm not doing it cos my mum told me to, | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
except for the fact that my mum told me to and I am doing it. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
Whoa! Oh! Oh! Ah! Ow! | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
Mate, OK. You know, I'm done, I'm done! | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
Rom, you know, I'm sending you to Sri Lanka, | 0:01:16 | 0:01:19 | |
and you have not seen me watching so many Tamil soap. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:23 | |
I enjoy watching them. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
I will be really happy if you take part in one of the soaps. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
I can't act in English. Why would I then...? | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
So you don't want to learn Tamil at all? | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
Imagine they'll say to me, "OK, so then your next line is..." | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
HE IMITATES TAMIL WORDS | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
-You're taking the mickey. -I'm not taking the mickey, but... | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
No, Romesh, you may be good at it. Never know. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
Is that how it works? You just go and say I'd quite like to be in it? | 0:01:44 | 0:01:47 | |
I mean, they, they will do the audition. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
If they are happy with it, they will give you a little, little part, uh? | 0:01:50 | 0:01:53 | |
All right, I'll think about it. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
I'd be very proud of you, mind. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
Then I can show off to my friends and enjoy. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
It feels like, you know, with some of the things, | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
my mum has gone, do this cos it'd be good experience | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
for you to get involved in the culture, | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
or get to know your culture. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:14 | |
Whereas this seems to be just doing it because it's something that my mum would like to do. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
My mum was an actor when she was growing up. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
This is something she would want to do, | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
so now she's living vicariously through me | 0:02:21 | 0:02:24 | |
by sending me to this thing which, by the way, | 0:02:24 | 0:02:26 | |
we're doing unacceptably early. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
So I'm doing something that I don't really have a clue about | 0:02:28 | 0:02:32 | |
and I haven't had enough sleep. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
So it, it is, I think the showbiz term is "a clusterfuck". | 0:02:34 | 0:02:38 | |
So I've come here for a filmed audition and, er, well, | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
apparently if I'm any good, they'll actually use my scenes in the soap. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:52 | |
We've turned up and it's like I don't know what this is. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:55 | |
I thought it was going to be like EastEnders. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:58 | |
Hello. Hello, I'm Romesh. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
-Hi. -Hello, how are you? | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
-Hello, Sir. -What's your name? -I'm Bala. -Bala? -Yeah. -Hello. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:06 | |
You're the hero, Darshan. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:09 | |
-Heroine, hello. -Hi. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:11 | |
Hello, nice to meet you. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:14 | |
Well, the big problem is I don't speak Tamil. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
-OK. OK. -I only speak English. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
I know. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:20 | |
Yeah, but I can't. I mean, I can't. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
I mean, I can't even read that. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:27 | |
I feel guilty about not speaking Tamil, | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
but this is an impossible situation. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:32 | |
But, having said all of that, I'm going to throw myself into it. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:36 | |
Well, I was about to say I'm going to throw myself into it 100%, | 0:03:36 | 0:03:40 | |
but I can't speak Tamil, | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
so my effort will be 100%, my ability will be in the tens. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:46 | |
You want to say... | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
SHE SAYS TAMIL PHRASE AND ROMESH REPEATS | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
Well, that bit was very complicated, so... | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
-HE SAYS PHRASE AND ROMESH REPEATS ANGRILY -Ah, correct. | 0:03:56 | 0:04:02 | |
Can't remember the line. What's the first bit? | 0:04:02 | 0:04:04 | |
-HE REPEATS TAMIL PHRASE -Your mum'll be pleased. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
I think she'd be delighted that I've just come to humiliate myself. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
Look like a prick on one of her favourite shows. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:13 | |
-I'm your best friend. All right. This is your girlfriend. -Yeah. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
I'm using your phone, you doesn't know that matter. OK? | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
-So you've been using my phone? -Texting to your girlfriends. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:23 | |
You son of a bitch. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
-Hey, this is a scene. -Yeah, no, I know, I know. No, I was just acting. I was acting. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
-OK, OK. -I was acting, I was acting. -Yeah, that's acting. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:34 | |
So you've been texting girls from my phone? | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
Yeah. From your phone. OK? Using your phone. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
THEY REPEAT A TAMIL PHRASE | 0:04:39 | 0:04:43 | |
OK. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:46 | |
TAMIL DIALOGUE | 0:04:46 | 0:04:47 | |
What was the last one? Last bit? | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
HE SAYS TAMIL PHRASE Can I write this down? Have you got a pen? | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
-Yeah, right. -Pen please. Oh, thank you. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:57 | |
There's no way we can shoot this. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:00 | |
Action. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
ANGRY TAMIL PHRASES | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
-Learn. -OK. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
Imagine if you got a Sri Lankan person that only spoke Tamil | 0:05:13 | 0:05:17 | |
and you put him in EastEnders, | 0:05:17 | 0:05:19 | |
and you went "Just riff it with Danny Dyer." | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
It's like, "What's going on 'ere?" "Whata-what-whata?" | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
That's basically the opposite of what I'm doing now. | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
HE SAYS TAMIL PHRASE AND ROMESH REPEATS | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
It's really complicated words. Lots of syllables. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:34 | |
No, for you it is. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:36 | |
ROMESH PRACTISES TAMIL PHRASE | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
I'm never gonna remember it. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:42 | |
-OK? -HE REPEATS TAMIL PHRASE | 0:05:42 | 0:05:44 | |
No, but we'll do it. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:46 | |
Action! | 0:05:48 | 0:05:49 | |
HE ATTEMPTS TAMIL PHRASE | 0:05:49 | 0:05:50 | |
Cut. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:55 | |
SHE SPEAKS ANGRILY | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
Cut! | 0:06:00 | 0:06:01 | |
Action! | 0:06:03 | 0:06:04 | |
Oh! SHE SPEAKS ANGRILY IN TAMIL | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
-Cut! -Shit! | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
Action! | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
HE SPEAKS TAMIL PHRASES | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
Oh! | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
-Cut! One more take. -No more take, mate. You joking? | 0:06:21 | 0:06:24 | |
Action. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:25 | |
ANGRY TAMIL DIALOGUE | 0:06:27 | 0:06:31 | |
-Cut! -Just slapped the shit out of me! | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
You can't say I made a success of it. | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
They're not gonna cast me now in it. Do you know what I mean? | 0:06:41 | 0:06:43 | |
They didn't actually think I was good. | 0:06:43 | 0:06:45 | |
They were being friendly and polite. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:47 | |
That doesn't mean... You know, it went as well as it could have done, | 0:06:47 | 0:06:50 | |
which is I was crap and they weren't horrible about it. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:53 | |
That's the summary of it, wasn't it? | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
Action. No, no. Cut. That's enough. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:59 | |
-Yeah? -OK. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:00 | |
It's a wrap. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:01 | |
Smashed it. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:02 | |
If I learned Tamil and come back, can I have a part? Like, what...? | 0:07:02 | 0:07:06 | |
You reckon I could be in the show? | 0:07:09 | 0:07:10 | |
I might just have a quick walk just down there and learn some Tamil. | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
I'm just gonna learn to speak Tamil. See you later. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
HE PRACTISES TAMIL PHRASES | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
Well, that didn't go brilliantly but I have had an idea | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
and to help me with it, I'm gonna call my Uncle Rags. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
He helped me out a few weeks ago. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
-Hello? -All right, Rags, it's Rom. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:35 | |
Listen, I need to ask you a favour. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
Look, Mum sent to go and act in a Tamil TV show today, right? | 0:07:40 | 0:07:44 | |
And I sort of came across, | 0:07:44 | 0:07:46 | |
sort of, came up with the idea of making, like, a Tamil short film, | 0:07:46 | 0:07:51 | |
Like, I could just do like a few minutes, sort of, short film. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
So I'm gonna do like a love story | 0:07:54 | 0:07:55 | |
and then a fight scene and stuff like that. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:58 | |
It's like a Tamil style but in English. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
I'm calling you because I, sort of, wondered | 0:08:03 | 0:08:06 | |
if you could come here and help me with it. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
Yeah. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:12 | |
RAP MUSIC | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
My idea is to make an English tribute to Tamil films. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:26 | |
Like a cultural thing | 0:08:26 | 0:08:27 | |
and a big thing of Tamil culture is movies. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
It's a big deal. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:31 | |
My Uncle Rags has come out to help me out with it. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
He's got a guy that knows locations. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
So we've got, we've got a fabulous location... | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
Fabulous location set up for it. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
I think your mum had a vision | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
of you doing completely different stuff to making a short film. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
No. I appreciate that. We did have other stuff organised | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
but we're not doing that, because we're doing something much better. Get on board. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:52 | |
AGGRESSIVE RAP MUSIC | 0:08:53 | 0:08:56 | |
You love doing Sri Lankan food, Romesh. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
-Yeah. -You should learn to cook. You love aubergine curry so much. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:07 | |
I want you to go and learn how to cook aubergine curry. | 0:09:07 | 0:09:11 | |
Why don't you take a cookery lesson | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
or learn from somebody how to cook that curry. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
And surprise me one day. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
Come here... "Mum, I'm doing the cooking." | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
I will ask, "What are you going to cook?" | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
-It's a surprise. -I think it might be aubergine curry. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
So what are we doing this morning, Romesh? | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
Oh, I need to get a cast for the film. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:33 | |
-Are you gonna make notes? -Yeah. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
So we're not doing cooking today? | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
No. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
I sent out a tweet saying if anybody wants to be in a short film to come here | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
and then we're just gonna do like open auditions. | 0:09:45 | 0:09:49 | |
We're gonna be here all day. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
We're gonna see what Sri Lanka's got to offer. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
Do you girls do any acting? | 0:09:59 | 0:10:01 | |
-No. -No. -No. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
-So we'd have to have them as dancers. -Yeah. -Next please! | 0:10:04 | 0:10:08 | |
-Hello. Have you got a performance for us, that you're gonna show us? -Yeah. I'm going to sing. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:13 | |
-Do you do any acting? -Sorry? -Acting? | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
Acting? I'm not good. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
-You're not good. -Ah. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:19 | |
-I think, I don't think I can. -OK. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:22 | |
I said, if you want to be in my short film, | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
come to the open audition. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
Maybe I should have specified | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
that I want you to be an actor. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:32 | |
NOISY DRUM AND BASS MUSIC | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
Do you do any acting? | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
Er, no. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:57 | |
No? OK. | 0:10:57 | 0:10:58 | |
The next guy stepped it up into the next level of weird shit. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:03 | |
Oh, shit. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:07 | |
What is it? | 0:11:07 | 0:11:09 | |
Oh, my God! | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
There are two snakes in a basket. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:13 | |
Sounds like the worst bloody takeaway dish ever. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
SNAKE HISSES Ugh! | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
-Hello, mate. -It is coming over! | 0:11:21 | 0:11:24 | |
Shh! | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
That guy's a no-no, do you know what I mean? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
You walk into a room, but you don't see me. | 0:11:28 | 0:11:32 | |
You see...tits! | 0:11:32 | 0:11:35 | |
Beeg Brahamin boobs. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:38 | |
Pretty porcelain pairs. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:40 | |
Irrationally enhanced wares. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
You walk into a room. But you don't see me. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:46 | |
You see...tits. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
Tiiiiiits! | 0:11:50 | 0:11:51 | |
-Thank you. -No, that was great. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
Well done. Really fun, that was really good. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:58 | |
That was really good. Can you do acting, yeah? | 0:11:58 | 0:12:01 | |
You've done acting on stage. | 0:12:01 | 0:12:02 | |
Yes, yes. I...I do essentially stage. | 0:12:02 | 0:12:04 | |
-That's your main...bag. -That's kind of the main thing, yeah. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:07 | |
I mean, there's two things. | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
One is, I automatically when you came in, I was actually | 0:12:09 | 0:12:12 | |
looking at your face more, because you've got a reasonably pretty face. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:17 | |
Oh, thank you. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:18 | |
But then the minute you started the tits, then it stood out to me | 0:12:18 | 0:12:21 | |
that also...that's pretty good department, there, as well. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:24 | |
I don't think I've got any more questions. Have you any, Rags? | 0:12:24 | 0:12:27 | |
-Very impressed, certainly. -Yeah. Lovely to meet you. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:30 | |
Thanks. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:31 | |
You can't...say what you just said to her. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
You said you've got a reasonably pretty face. "Reasonably", you said. | 0:12:36 | 0:12:40 | |
That I found offensive, right? A back-handed compliment. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:44 | |
And then you followed it up by saying, | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
"when you were talking about tits I realised that you were OK in that department as well." | 0:12:46 | 0:12:50 | |
In that department you're all right. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:52 | |
I've had to, sort of, just say to him, maybe set a few ground rules, | 0:12:52 | 0:12:56 | |
but every time I set a ground rule, | 0:12:56 | 0:12:57 | |
he finds a new type of question to ask. Just batshit crazy. | 0:12:57 | 0:13:02 | |
Can you do anything else? | 0:13:02 | 0:13:03 | |
What about running around and stuff like that? | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
-Would you? -Ah. -Running around? | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
Could we borrow that what you're wearing? | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
What? | 0:13:10 | 0:13:11 | |
If you were just stood there and someone actually pretended, | 0:13:11 | 0:13:14 | |
like, beating you, can you do that sort of thing? | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
I can do some fighting moves, I guess. | 0:13:17 | 0:13:19 | |
-Yeah? -Kick a guy in the face. | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
You kick a guy in the face? | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
I mean, if you want me too. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:24 | |
See? He can do that. | 0:13:24 | 0:13:26 | |
Are you available on Friday? | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
-Yeah, I am. -You are. He could be the henchman. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
When you asked that question, I thought it was... | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
I thought it was a crazy question to ask but, actually, it was good, wasn't it? | 0:13:33 | 0:13:37 | |
I am actually, I'll be honest with you, quite happy with today. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
I was...I was really depressed after the first three. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:45 | |
Especially after snake man, I just felt shit | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
but, actually, I think we've got some people that I think | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
we can use in the film. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:53 | |
One of them I think is a potential leading lady, the tits girl. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:57 | |
So I'm actually really happy, and Rags, | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
as much as I had to rein him in, was actually very useful. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:03 | |
I've basically organised to meet a proper film star | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
to be in the film. They've agreed to be in the film. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:16 | |
You know, he's a big star. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:17 | |
Got in touch with him. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:19 | |
Sorted it. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:20 | |
That's just how I operate. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
You know, when I was a little girl, there's a very famous place. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:31 | |
It's called Sigiriya. | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
I was seven years old, I think. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:34 | |
I never got to know the history of that place. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:38 | |
Do me a favour, you know. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:40 | |
Go there and learn the history of why that Sigiriya is... | 0:14:40 | 0:14:45 | |
What actually is it? | 0:14:45 | 0:14:46 | |
It's like a big... | 0:14:46 | 0:14:49 | |
There are so many steps you have to climb. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
What happens at the top? | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
I can't remember, Romesh. I really can't remember. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
You want me to climb the steps to find out if there's a point | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
-to climbing all the steps? -No! First you learn the history. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
-Does your mum know what you're doing? -She doesn't need to, she's got no idea about this. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:05 | |
Listen, if you really want to do Sig, Sig, Sigu... | 0:15:05 | 0:15:07 | |
-Sigiriya. -Sigiriya. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:09 | |
If you really want to do Sigiriya, just get another brown guy | 0:15:09 | 0:15:12 | |
and film him, I don't think people will notice. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
I'm going to be meeting a film star and making a movie. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:17 | |
So, what's the go? You've got some star coming? | 0:15:24 | 0:15:26 | |
The star is going to meet us here. | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
Who is he? | 0:15:28 | 0:15:29 | |
His name... | 0:15:29 | 0:15:30 | |
..is King Kong. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:33 | |
-What? -I'm surprised you haven't heard of him. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
-I haven't heard of him. -He's like a massive Tamil film star. | 0:15:36 | 0:15:39 | |
-Main actor? -Yeah. Like one of the big, main dudes. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:43 | |
It is a great name, King Kong. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
You wouldn't call your kid King Kong, would you? | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
But then, if your surname is Kong, there's every possibility. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
I would have called him King. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
No, but if your surname's Kong, then that's the last name you would give. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:56 | |
Two names you don't give a kid if your surname's Kong - King and Hong. | 0:15:56 | 0:16:00 | |
If the surname is Dong, | 0:16:00 | 0:16:01 | |
it's more likely the guy's first name will be Ding. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:04 | |
-Correct? -No, it's less likely. | 0:16:04 | 0:16:06 | |
So, this King Kong, we're going to meet him? | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
Mate, this is him, this is him. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
This is him! | 0:16:11 | 0:16:12 | |
Oh, my God. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
How are you? | 0:16:14 | 0:16:15 | |
So good to meet you. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
So yeah, I recognise him. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:19 | |
He's done some dancing, so he's a good mover. | 0:16:19 | 0:16:22 | |
-Yeah! -Yeah! -Yeah, OK. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
I think Rags was impressed. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:25 | |
He recognised him as soon as he saw him. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
-Want to show him that, or...? -Yeah, I can show him that. | 0:16:27 | 0:16:30 | |
What I'd like from him is for him to train me | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
in how to be an authentic sort of Tamil movie star. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:38 | |
Teach me some of his dance moves, | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
because I know that he's the expert, and I'm just like the student. | 0:16:40 | 0:16:44 | |
He's going to just show you a few different moves, right? | 0:16:48 | 0:16:52 | |
-OK. -So he's going to start with that, and you can follow. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
-We're doing a crash course? -Yeah, you've got to follow him. -OK, great. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:58 | |
You're the boss. | 0:16:58 | 0:16:59 | |
MUSIC: It's Tricky by Run-DMC | 0:16:59 | 0:17:04 | |
-# It's tricky -Tricky, tricky, tricky | 0:17:05 | 0:17:07 | |
# It's tricky to rock a rhyme | 0:17:07 | 0:17:09 | |
# To rock a rhyme that's right on time | 0:17:09 | 0:17:10 | |
# It's tricky | 0:17:10 | 0:17:12 | |
# Tricky, tricky, tricky | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
# I met this little girlie | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
# Her hair was kinda curly | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
# Went to her house and bust her out | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
# I had to leave real early | 0:17:20 | 0:17:22 | |
# These girls are really sleazy | 0:17:22 | 0:17:23 | |
# All they just say is please me | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
# Or spend some time and rock a rhyme | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
# I said, "It's not that easy"... # | 0:17:27 | 0:17:29 | |
He's just a nice guy, like he's how I hoped he was going to be. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:33 | |
He showed me some dance stuff. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:35 | |
I mean, that's pretty amazing. | 0:17:35 | 0:17:37 | |
HE SPEAKS IN TAMIL | 0:17:37 | 0:17:40 | |
Emotion! Dance. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
Emotion. OK? | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
Romesh, what he's saying is now he's going to show you | 0:17:47 | 0:17:50 | |
how to do the love dance. | 0:17:50 | 0:17:52 | |
-You know, like in the movie, you have to do... -Oh, yeah. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
What he wants you to do is watch him carefully. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:58 | |
First, you try to do like he's the girl, | 0:17:58 | 0:18:01 | |
she's trying to hide and things like that. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:03 | |
-She's running away and hiding? -Yeah. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:05 | |
I'm chasing her, I find her and grab her. Like that? | 0:18:05 | 0:18:08 | |
Slower. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:09 | |
Yeah, like you're longing. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:11 | |
MUSIC: Dilemma by Kelly Rowland | 0:18:11 | 0:18:12 | |
# I love you | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
# I need you | 0:18:14 | 0:18:17 | |
# Nelly, I... # | 0:18:17 | 0:18:18 | |
So I just chase her and... | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
What I felt uncomfortable with was the chasing the girl. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:27 | |
He explained it like you've basically got to do a playful thing, | 0:18:27 | 0:18:31 | |
when the girl's running away from you, | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
and then you keep chasing her and you keep grabbing at her. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
I mean that is a sex attack, that's not... | 0:18:36 | 0:18:39 | |
That isn't romantic. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
Unfortunately, the romance dance, he's now being honest with you, | 0:18:42 | 0:18:46 | |
maybe he's not quite convinced with that. | 0:18:46 | 0:18:49 | |
-What do you mean? -I think you needed to give it a bit more, you know... | 0:18:49 | 0:18:53 | |
Dude, I chased him round the pillar! | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
You haven't got concerns that maybe you should not worry | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
about doing this film any more? | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
Why would I not want to do the film? | 0:19:00 | 0:19:02 | |
How...? The guy agreed to be in it. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
He's got 19 million views on YouTube. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
He's like one of the biggest Tamil stars of all time, | 0:19:07 | 0:19:12 | |
and he's agreed to be in my film. | 0:19:12 | 0:19:14 | |
I don't see how this fits in with the plans that your mum's made. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:17 | |
She's been a long time thinking about your experience in Sri Lanka, | 0:19:17 | 0:19:20 | |
and now you're, what feels like, to be honest, messing around. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:24 | |
I'm doing a Tamil film! It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
Megastar. Me. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
Tamil film I've written, directed. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:31 | |
Boom! Deliver it. Bam! "Mum, I made a Tamil film." | 0:19:31 | 0:19:34 | |
She's going to be, "Oh, my God, I've lost my shit!" | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
You know, we've got a cast. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:46 | |
Don't actually have a storyline or an idea for the film yet. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:50 | |
I don't know if anyone's ever said this, | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
but tonight I have to write a film... | 0:19:52 | 0:19:54 | |
because we're making it tomorrow. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
It might just be five minutes of King Kong dicking about. | 0:19:56 | 0:20:01 | |
That would still be better than what I've currently got planned. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:05 | |
So, I don't know, just put a grass skirt on him and see what happens. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:09 | |
I'm actually genuinely shitting myself. That's the truth of it. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:13 | |
So, it's a big day. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
I still haven't written anything but I'm not worried | 0:20:17 | 0:20:19 | |
because we're going to the Tamil soaps' prop place | 0:20:19 | 0:20:22 | |
to get some inspiration. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
I'm pretty sure that's how Spielberg does it. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:26 | |
Is this it? | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
Let's have a look back here. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:37 | |
Look at this. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:39 | |
That's all right... What is it? | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
Ahh! | 0:20:42 | 0:20:43 | |
This could be a good thing to smash on the head. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:46 | |
Know what I mean? | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
So, Rom, I don't know. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:53 | |
There's not much here, mate, unfortunately, eh? | 0:20:53 | 0:20:55 | |
Does it look like a realistic weapon? | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
I think we're going to have to scale back our ambitions. | 0:20:58 | 0:21:01 | |
What about like small bombs or hand grenades? | 0:21:05 | 0:21:07 | |
Well... You saw this and thought about hand grenades, didn't you? | 0:21:10 | 0:21:14 | |
What about a massive peacock? | 0:21:14 | 0:21:16 | |
This could be sitting like a big art piece in the house, | 0:21:17 | 0:21:21 | |
fits in with the scene. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:23 | |
You just put your hand through it, mate. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
Smash it. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:26 | |
They're not going to let us smash this peacock. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:30 | |
-They might allow it. Why don't you ask them? -OK. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:33 | |
Just think, so maybe that, just... | 0:21:33 | 0:21:35 | |
We'll take it, anyway, right? | 0:21:35 | 0:21:37 | |
I mean, if you need to use it, mate. | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
I'm just thinking there's nothing else here, so... | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
Does this hurt? Turn around. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
Oh! Shit! | 0:21:44 | 0:21:46 | |
Well, I guess we're making a film about a fucking peacock. | 0:21:49 | 0:21:52 | |
Well, we're here at our location. | 0:22:00 | 0:22:02 | |
All the actors are coming here. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:04 | |
I don't actually 100% know that they're coming. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:07 | |
All I know is I got an e-mail saying we'll try and sort something out. | 0:22:07 | 0:22:10 | |
-So... -Yeah? | 0:22:10 | 0:22:12 | |
-Well... -But, they are coming? | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
Well, I haven't had a confirmation. | 0:22:15 | 0:22:17 | |
Right guys, can I have you over here, please? | 0:22:17 | 0:22:19 | |
We're going to start filming the most complicated scene first. Yeah? | 0:22:19 | 0:22:24 | |
Fight scene one, take one. | 0:22:26 | 0:22:28 | |
Action! | 0:22:28 | 0:22:29 | |
-Yeah, that's fine, isn't it? -Yeah, looks good. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:36 | |
Fighters! | 0:22:36 | 0:22:37 | |
Right, can this BBC crew get out of the way please - | 0:22:38 | 0:22:41 | |
you're blocking my shot. | 0:22:41 | 0:22:42 | |
Out the way, guys, come on. Time is money, guys, all right? | 0:22:42 | 0:22:45 | |
Action. Come on! | 0:22:45 | 0:22:47 | |
The message of the film was supposed to be | 0:22:48 | 0:22:51 | |
this is a second generation Sri Lankan | 0:22:51 | 0:22:56 | |
making his tribute to Tamil cinema. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
I got carried away a bit, | 0:22:59 | 0:23:01 | |
and it sort of looks more like a martial arts film. | 0:23:01 | 0:23:04 | |
THEY GRUNT | 0:23:04 | 0:23:07 | |
Cut! | 0:23:07 | 0:23:08 | |
Smashed it. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:10 | |
What do you think so far? Exciting, wasn't it? | 0:23:12 | 0:23:14 | |
OK, action! | 0:23:14 | 0:23:16 | |
How did that look? All right? | 0:23:17 | 0:23:19 | |
Well, the fight scene was unbelievable. | 0:23:19 | 0:23:22 | |
-Rom? -Yeah. | 0:23:22 | 0:23:23 | |
-Blood splatter? -Yeah, we'll add that in post. | 0:23:23 | 0:23:25 | |
Probably about two and a half hours left, | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
you've probably got about 25 seconds in the can. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:31 | |
But what are 25 seconds? | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
You know, I've seen films that are two and half, three hours, | 0:23:33 | 0:23:36 | |
and they're rubbish. I've got 25 seconds of pure gold. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:39 | |
Now that is great. | 0:23:39 | 0:23:41 | |
Action! | 0:23:41 | 0:23:42 | |
How many minutes do you want this movie to be? | 0:23:42 | 0:23:45 | |
I'd like at least a minute. At the moment we're less than half that. | 0:23:45 | 0:23:48 | |
OK, so just re-run it twice. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:51 | |
-I didn't realise you spoke Spanish. -Cut! | 0:23:54 | 0:23:57 | |
Action! | 0:23:57 | 0:23:58 | |
Oh, look! It's Romesh and Rags. | 0:23:58 | 0:24:01 | |
-Rex? Rags? -Cut! | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
What on Earth was that? | 0:24:03 | 0:24:06 | |
You've got to lay the smack down. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
Action! | 0:24:08 | 0:24:09 | |
Gosh, it's Romesh and Rags! | 0:24:09 | 0:24:11 | |
Cut. That's great. It's a wrap. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:13 | |
I don't know what to do, man. This... | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
She's gone. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:30 | |
-What? -She's gone. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
She was madly in love with you, mate. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
That's what I thought, but this guy, | 0:24:34 | 0:24:36 | |
he's got like a big house, he's got money... | 0:24:36 | 0:24:39 | |
He's good looking, he's slim, it just... | 0:24:40 | 0:24:43 | |
You're a man, right? Stop fucking crying like a girl, right? | 0:24:43 | 0:24:46 | |
We can get this girl back, all right? | 0:24:46 | 0:24:48 | |
-It's not too late, we can get her. I've got a plan. -What plan? | 0:24:48 | 0:24:52 | |
Let's do the peacock thing. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:53 | |
Peacock thing? | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
The peacock thing. | 0:24:55 | 0:24:56 | |
Romesh never bought me wine. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:25:02 | 0:25:05 | |
Peacock? | 0:25:08 | 0:25:09 | |
For me? | 0:25:09 | 0:25:11 | |
Let him in. | 0:25:11 | 0:25:12 | |
That's when he said to me, "I didn't realise you spoke Spanish!" | 0:25:19 | 0:25:23 | |
It's Romesh and Rags! | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
We've got intruders in the house. Get them. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:34 | |
Come on! | 0:25:35 | 0:25:36 | |
GRUNTING AND SHOUTING | 0:25:39 | 0:25:44 | |
No!!!! | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
King Kong! | 0:26:23 | 0:26:24 | |
Yes! | 0:26:28 | 0:26:29 | |
HE SHOUTS IN TAMIL | 0:26:32 | 0:26:35 | |
-Where is he? -No! -Where is he? -Romesh, watch out! | 0:27:01 | 0:27:03 | |
-Ahh! -No, no! | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
I'm fine! I'm... | 0:27:19 | 0:27:22 | |
HE SOBS | 0:27:23 | 0:27:25 | |
King Kong! | 0:27:38 | 0:27:39 | |
I reckon it'll win the award. | 0:27:55 | 0:27:57 | |
What award? | 0:27:57 | 0:27:58 | |
British movie thing. | 0:27:58 | 0:28:00 | |
The British movie thing? | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
-Yeah, like BAFTA or something. -Right, yeah. | 0:28:02 | 0:28:04 | |
You are going to Sri Lanka? | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 | |
I fancy coming as well. | 0:28:06 | 0:28:08 | |
All right, my son? | 0:28:08 | 0:28:09 | |
Ohhh! | 0:28:09 | 0:28:11 | |
Aaghh! | 0:28:11 | 0:28:12 | |
You made lots of friends here. | 0:28:12 | 0:28:15 | |
You're a dickhead, you are. Honest to God. | 0:28:15 | 0:28:18 |