Missing Being Eileen


Missing

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Transcript


LineFromTo

I like a plane crash before I fly. Less chance of us being annihilated.

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-Father Christmas doesn't exist.

-Don't say things like that!

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These two still believe in the magic. I don't want anyone spoiling that.

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I hadn't been on holiday for 40 years without Ted.

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I miss him so much.

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'That's why you disappeared all of a sudden!'

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'It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.'

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My father, not long dead in the ground, and you're already moving on.

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'Do you think I could forget your father like that?'

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Look! Oh, I wish my dad was here.

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He is here. He's there.

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He's right in front of us.

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MUSIC FROM RADIO: # ..We'll still have each other

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# You can stand under my umbrella... #

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-RADIO:

-'BBC Radio Merseyside.'

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# Like a bat out of hell

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# I'll be gone when the morning comes

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# When the night is over... #

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When did I last clean behind there?

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Oh!

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Bugger.

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SHE SIGHS

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Sorry, Ted.

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SHE CHUCKLES

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Sod the housework.

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I thought we'd dump the kids off at my mum's and make a day of it.

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We haven't been to Ikea for a while.

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We could have meatballs and chips?

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-As always.

-Or maybe see if they fancy a sleepover

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and we could have a night out.

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Mm. Your Mum would love that(!)

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I'm just, erm, trying to get...

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You're not diddly-fiddling with your photos, are you?

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Have I lost you for the weekend now?

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I'm just getting these pictures from the park nice.

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Hey, look at this new thing I've got - the healing brush.

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Gets rid of lines and wrinkles.

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-Who the hell's that?

-Your mum.

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She looks like a foetus.

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Yeah, maybe.

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I tell you what, why don't you drop the kids off,

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then pick me up on the way back through? I'll be five minutes.

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CHILDREN CHATTER IN BACKGROUND Come on, kids, we're going out.

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Liam, will you put some clothes on, please?

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I've seen enough of your willy for one day!

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-What are you playing at?

-Did you order a cooked breakfast for one?

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No. What's going on?

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Full English with all the trimmings.

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Bacon, egg, beans... Well, spaghetti hoops, there were no beans.

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Tea and toast. Newspaper, ironed.

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Have you got something to tell me?

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Are the police here?

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I just wanted to do something nice for you.

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-And...?

-Look, I know it's surprising.

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I thought, let's just have a nice day. Just the two of us.

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Pfft! What about Snitch and Snatch?

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They're off making bombs somewhere.

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And where does your mum and Paula and the von Trapps fit into this?

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They don't. This is just about us.

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Could be nice.

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-Mm-hmm.

-Unusual.

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How long before the arsenic kicks in?

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-Does Nan know she's looking after us all day?

-And night.

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Not yet. But she said she'd be in.

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She'll be made up.

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Coo-ee!

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Hiya, Nan!

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Oh, she's not here.

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Where's Nan?

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Have you tried upstairs? Maybe she's playing hide and seek.

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-Nan?!

-Coming, ready or not!

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Nan?!

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Nan?!

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She's hidden well.

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Mum?

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Aww!

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Nan?!

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Where is she?

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No sign of her, Mum.

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-Did you do this?

-No.

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She wouldn't go out leaving it like this.

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Mother?!

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Nan?

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It looks like she left in a hurry. Or maybe she was disturbed and...

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Jack!

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Has Nana been abducted?

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No. Where did you hear about abductions?

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I saw it on Spooks.

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Yeah, well, you shouldn't be watching that.

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It scares the living daylights out of me.

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Why is the holiday album out?

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She said she'd be in all day.

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And the back door was unlocked.

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That's not like her.

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Where is she?

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MUSIC: "Also Sprach Zarathustra" by Richard Strauss

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MOBILE RINGS, PLAYS "GANGNAM STYLE"

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Now, what did I say about mobiles?

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Whoever's it is, turn it off.

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-It's not mine.

-Mine's on silent.

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MOBILE CONTINUES TO RING

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I think it's you, lady.

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No, it can't be.

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Is it?

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Oh, it is. I'm so sorry.

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My grandkids have changed the ringtone AGAIN.

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Sorry. I'll put it on silent now. Sorry, sorry.

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Oh, line went dead. Got cut off.

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She's been kidnapped. It's al-Qaeda.

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Phone her back. Phone her back!

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Now it's just ringing. Answerphone.

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Mother, it's me. We're at yours.

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Where are you?

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The back door was open, your stuff's all over the place, like you've...

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Have you been abducted by aliens?

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-Aliens?!

-(Just joking.)

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Erm, you're probably down the shops. Anyway, could you give us a call?

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OK, ta-ra.

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Will we ever see her again?

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Of course we will. She'll have just popped out.

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I'm going to put on CBeebies for you.

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Can't we have something else on? It's for kids, that.

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You are kids.

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Come on, you just have to trust me.

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Are me Mum and Dad doing kinky stuff?

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As if! More like blind man's buff.

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Now, you wait there.

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Right, take it off.

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Ta-da!

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Oh.

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I thought you might have bought me a new bathroom suite

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and secretly decorated it for me. I hate this bathroom!

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I've got your favourite bubble bath and everything. "Hello Vera".

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I thought we could both get in.

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Don't be so ridiculous.

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MOBILE RINGS

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-Oh, it's only our Paula.

-Right on cue!

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I was just about to say you could have the taps.

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RINGTONE STOPS

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RINGING RESUMES

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You might as well answer it.

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It might be important.

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Hiya. You all right?

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No, I didn't just try and cut you off!

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I went to answer and pressed the wrong button.

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Your family interrupting our lovemaking, as usual!

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No, me Mum's not here. Not so loud, eh?

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No, she wouldn't leave the door wide open. OK.

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OK. Yeah.

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Ta-ra.

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Me Mum's gone missing.

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Oh, here we go!

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-FILM NARRATOR:

-'The light from these stars set out on its journey billions of years ago.'

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Nearly as old as me(!)

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Midget Gem?

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Oh, thanks, love.

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SHE CHUCKLES

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The universe is so big.

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And we are so small.

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DRAMATIC OPERA MUSIC PLAYS

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Why don't we track and trace her phone?

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-Has it got GPS on it?

-'GPS?'

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What do you reckon? She's got the cheapest, crappiest phone.

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-She got it free with the Persil.

-'OK.'

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Well, I'm nearly done here.

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But I thought I'd pick out a nice picture of all the family and get it framed for your mum.

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But there isn't one of everyone, so I might have to Photoshop one.

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It'll take no time.

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OK, I'll see you later.

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Right, only a few to look through.

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Only 22,000.

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So the back door was wide open?

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Well, it was unlocked.

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-Well, that's completely different. You said it was wide open.

-Did I?

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Yeah, that's why I'm here. She probably forgot to lock it. Have you called her?

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Yeah. One got cut off and now it's just ringing out. But look!

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Oh. Maybe she just knocked it.

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Maybe someone's been through here, looking for stuff to rob.

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Has anything been taken?

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I can't tell. Shall we have a look to see if anything's not here?

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I've got a headache now.

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-TV:

-'Front sitting room there, it's got some nice floorboards,

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'an open fire, which is good to see.

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'Stairs into your bedrooms there.

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'Through into the rear living room area. Now, this is nice!'

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FILM NARRATOR: 'And so our journey comes to an end.'

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MOBILE BUZZES

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Hello.

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Hiya, Nan. We're in yours. Where are you?

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I'm just worried because she's been seeming a bit low lately.

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What do you think this could mean?

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I don't know. What are you thinking, Miss Marple?

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Someone called Gus, and a number.

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Who's Gus? And what do you think the number is? A pin number?

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Combination to a safe?

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-You shouldn't have picked that up in case they need to dust for prints.

-Do you think?

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No, Of course not!

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-HE SIGHS

-It's "Gas", not "Gus".

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It's the gas meter. She's done a meter reading, that's all.

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Oh-h!

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Have you had enough sleep?

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Liam got up at half-past five, Jack at six.

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It'll be my bedtime soon.

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Yeah, well, this is supposed to be my bathtime.

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She'll have gone to Sainsbury's and forgot to lock the door.

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I'm off.

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Turn this off. We're going to see Nan.

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I was watching that! It was Homes Under The Hammer.

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-But we've got to go.

-I wanted to see how much the bungalow goes for!

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The last thing I need is you two fighting.

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-I was only trying to help!

-They built an extension!

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I want no more out of the pair of you.

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-But Homes Under The Hammer's me favourite!

-I've just spoken to...

-Not another word. Zip it.

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Fine. Your loss!

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Ah, that's better.

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DOOR CLOSES Erm, Mum! Come here, quick!

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What is it? I'm in the bath.

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It's important!

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Oh, it's always important when I'm trying to get a minute's peace.

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-Leave me alone!

-Mum, you've got to come and see this.

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Can't I have a minute's peace?

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Can I smell burning?

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You see, I told you it was important!

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The shed's on fire.

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You what?!

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Maybe she's in here somewhere. It's worth a try.

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I can tell you now, she won't be here.

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Jack, what have I told you? I want silence from now.

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And me dad's up here somewhere.

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Is that her there?

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Mum! Mother!

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I'm not your mother, love.

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Sorry, I...

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Does your mother come here? I'd know if she did.

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I'm here every day.

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From first thing in the morning, till they shut the gates.

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It's what he would've wanted.

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It's my Alfie's birthday today.

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-Oh?

-63, he is, or would've been.

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Always had a toddy on his birthday.

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One for him, one for me.

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Do you want a drop?

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No, thanks.

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To Alfie.

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Happy birthday.

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Come on, kids.

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# Happy birthday to you... #

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-CHILDREN JOIN IN

-# Happy birthday to you

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# Happy birthday...

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-# Dear Alfie... #

-I was enjoying that!

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# Happy birthday to yo-o-o-ou! #

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MOBILE RINGS

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Ah! It's my mother.

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At last!

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Mum?

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Hello?

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Can you hear me?

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She's not speaking.

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Maybe she's in trouble and trying to secretly ring us!

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Mother?

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I can hear her. She's saying something ...

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-What?

-I can't make it out. Wait.

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She's telling someone...

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a recipe for flapjacks.

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She's phoned me from her bag again.

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She's sat on her phone!

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Mother!

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MUFFLED: 'Can you hear us? Where are you?'

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Dead easy to make. I had all the stuff in, so I rustled them together last night.

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Chucked them in me bag in case I felt peckish.

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MUFFLED VOICE CONTINUES THROUGH PHONE

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-Would you like one of these?

-Oh, go on. Yeah.

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'Mum! Mum!

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-'Mother!'

-Is that a wasp?

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SHE SIGHS Where is she?

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Nan's at the World Museum in Liverpool.

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How do you know?

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She told me she'd gone there.

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I called her from the house phone in the hall.

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Well, why didn't you say something?

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I tried to, but you said I wasn't allowed to say another word!

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RADIO CHATTER

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Come on!

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Hurry, or we'll miss it!

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Oh! That's a nice one of Eileen.

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I'll have that.

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Oh, that looks quite nice.

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They're nice, them.

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Oh, right!

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One of me favourites. Lovely with a few peas on the side.

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-You can't go wrong with peas.

-Yeah!

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Just pop, pop, pop, pop in the microwave and you're done.

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I like to eat them out the packet.

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No cleaning. You spend your life cleaning.

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Oh, yeah, tell me about it!

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Meals for one, eh?

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Eh?

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Well, yeah.

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Just you on your lonesome, is it?

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I wouldn't put it quite like that.

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Nothing to be ashamed of, living alone.

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I'm not ashamed. It's just...

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-It comes to us all.

-Well...

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You start out part of a big, jolly family, surrounded by

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all these happy people, and then they all disappear and die.

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Till it's just you, the remote control,

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a single bar on the fire, meal for one.

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Crying yourself to sleep.

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Comes to us all.

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And I'll tell you something else -

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that's lovely with a sticky toffee pudding for afters.

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Nice meeting you.

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Thanks for that(!)

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Sod that.

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How is them setting fire to the shed my fault?

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If I hadn't have been in the bath, I'd have known what they were up to!

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And if you hadn't been gallivanting with the Addams Family, you'd have been here to stop 'em.

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Just so I know.

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Aren't you cold like that?

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No. Luckily, I've had a burning shed to keep me warm!

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-Oh, here, look...

-Forget it.

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ETHAN LAUGHS

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Shut up, you.

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Be careful with that, please. I'll take them back to the shop!

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MOBILE RINGS

0:17:540:17:56

Mother! Thank God. I've been ringing you all day.

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Where are you?

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I'm on the sofa, having a cuppa.

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You are joking?

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-Where are you?

-At the World Museum!

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-No! I was there earlier.

-I know!

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What a shame we missed each other.

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The reason we're here...

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I give up.

0:18:200:18:22

Do you want to come round for your teas? I'm doing a barbecue.

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I've got loads of sausages and some burgers,

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so bring anything you want to chuck on.

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-OK. See you in a bit.

-'See you!'

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A barbecue. In the middle of winter...

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Not smiling.

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Not smiling.

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Not smiling.

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There's got to be one.

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That's all that's left, I'm afraid. Safe to go back in the house.

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How the hell did this happen?

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It was her fault. She made me do it.

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I only said I'd give you 50p if you set something on fire!

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I was thinking more of a newspaper.

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And where's me 50p?

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-Don't be a moron.

-You're the moron.

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Enough. You're both grounded. Now go to your rooms.

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You hated that shed anyway. It was full of crap.

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It'll save you a trip to the dump.

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MOBILE RINGS

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-It's me mum.

-Course it is!

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Hiya, Mum, are you all right?

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Have you been in here all day?

0:19:450:19:47

It smells like a teenage boy's bedroom. All boffs and BO!

0:19:470:19:51

I've nearly done a photo of us all together.

0:19:510:19:55

I'm a bit shaky. There's too much coffee.

0:19:550:19:58

You look like a smackhead.

0:19:580:19:59

Come on, we're going to me mum's for tea.

0:19:590:20:02

-You found her, then?

-Not really.

0:20:020:20:04

The main problem was Mandy. There aren't any of her smiling.

0:20:040:20:09

Oh, there's a surprise(!)

0:20:090:20:10

I did find one eventually, though.

0:20:100:20:12

So I've morphed her smiling head onto this photo with everyone else.

0:20:120:20:16

What do you think?

0:20:160:20:18

I think you need some fresh air.

0:20:190:20:21

No, no, no, I haven't finished yet. Don't judge me on that!

0:20:210:20:24

You've lost the plot. Why has Mandy got a white cowboy hat on?

0:20:240:20:27

The only photo of Mandy smiling is from that fancy dress party

0:20:270:20:31

she went to years ago as Dolly Parton.

0:20:310:20:33

-Hey, what are you doing...?!

-Get dressed!

0:20:330:20:36

Me mum's fine, you'll be glad to know.

0:21:000:21:02

-Panic over.

-She's invited us for tea.

0:21:020:21:04

And before you say anything,

0:21:040:21:06

it'll save you getting reacquainted with the microwave.

0:21:060:21:08

Ah, sound! Mum's cooking tastes like puke.

0:21:080:21:12

And not even fresh puke.

0:21:120:21:13

You two are meant to be under house arrest.

0:21:130:21:16

Go on then. I can't be arsed seeing what's in me chest freezers.

0:21:160:21:18

I need to get away from the smell of smoke. What are we having?

0:21:180:21:21

-Barbecue.

-Oh, great(!)

0:21:210:21:23

Wow!

0:21:250:21:27

Found you at last! No thanks to this lot.

0:21:270:21:30

It's all magic-ness.

0:21:300:21:33

Oh, thank you!

0:21:330:21:34

I thought we'd have a winter stars and moon party.

0:21:340:21:37

Really? Got you some sausages.

0:21:370:21:40

Oh, thank you.

0:21:400:21:42

I bought a telescope from Argos so we can look at the stars.

0:21:420:21:45

There's an app you can get where you hold your phone up

0:21:450:21:49

and the GPS tells you where all the stars are.

0:21:490:21:51

See, if you got one of these, Eileen...

0:21:510:21:53

Let's just make do with the telescope tonight. But thanks, Ray.

0:21:530:21:55

What stars can you see, kids?

0:21:550:21:58

None. It's all cloudy.

0:21:580:22:00

Oh, never mind! Your dad will fix that with his iPhone.

0:22:000:22:04

We're here!

0:22:040:22:05

Let's get this party started.

0:22:050:22:07

Oh, lovely red flames!

0:22:070:22:09

It needs a bit more coal.

0:22:090:22:11

We've had enough of that for one day, firestarter.

0:22:110:22:14

Here you are. Mandy's got tons of them. Gets them cheap from work.

0:22:140:22:17

It's the only perk of working at Iceland.

0:22:170:22:19

I've got some fresh food here, if anyone fancies it.

0:22:190:22:22

You're only going to set fire to it.

0:22:220:22:24

I don't like the smoke. Has anyone got a gas mask?

0:22:240:22:28

-Aren't you coming out?

-It's freezing out there.

0:22:360:22:39

What do you think all this is about?

0:22:390:22:41

She's just enjoying herself. I think it's great.

0:22:410:22:43

I love a barbie any time of year.

0:22:430:22:45

Do you think she's all right? Healthy?

0:22:450:22:47

What do you mean?

0:22:470:22:49

You hear of parents acting strangely when they get older

0:22:490:22:52

and it's turns out it's the beginning of, you know ...

0:22:520:22:56

Shall we ask her?

0:22:560:22:57

"Hey, Mum, are you going fruit-loop?"

0:22:570:22:59

I'm just concerned.

0:22:590:23:01

She has lost her husband, you know.

0:23:010:23:03

We can allow her to be a bit off-kilter.

0:23:030:23:05

I know it's early days, but what will people think?

0:23:050:23:07

Who cares what people think, as long as she's happy.

0:23:070:23:10

-Where's the ketchup?

-I don't know what my dad would have made of this.

0:23:100:23:13

It's exactly the sort of thing he'd have done.

0:23:130:23:16

He loved a burnt banger.

0:23:160:23:17

In August, maybe!

0:23:170:23:20

Here you are, boys.

0:23:200:23:22

My Very Energetic Mother Just Served Us Noodles.

0:23:220:23:25

You've lost me now.

0:23:260:23:27

It's how you learn all the planets.

0:23:270:23:29

BOTH: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune.

0:23:290:23:34

-SHE LAUGHS

-Isn't that clever?

0:23:340:23:36

Where's Pluto?

0:23:360:23:37

-Pluto's a moon, not a planet.

-There's Pluto here.

-Of course he is.

0:23:370:23:41

-BARBECUE SIZZLES

-Oh, I better get that.

0:23:410:23:43

It's going to be burnt to buggery!

0:23:430:23:45

Here you are, Mum.

0:23:470:23:49

Oh, thanks, love.

0:23:490:23:51

Where did you get them?

0:23:510:23:53

Upstairs in the drawer. They were mine.

0:23:530:23:55

-30 years ago.

-Suits you.

0:23:550:23:58

Melissa...

0:23:580:24:00

I didn't quite understand why you went to the museum today.

0:24:000:24:04

I just felt like it.

0:24:040:24:05

We were just worried, the way stuff was left. The mess.

0:24:050:24:09

And the back door was unlocked.

0:24:090:24:12

Oh, was it? Well, there's nothing to rob.

0:24:120:24:14

My Dad's picture all smashed.

0:24:140:24:17

Oh, I know. It fell when I moved the cupboard.

0:24:170:24:19

But I've got a new one now. It's much better.

0:24:190:24:22

And then I came across the holiday photos.

0:24:220:24:24

Took me right back.

0:24:240:24:26

That was ages ago.

0:24:260:24:27

I know. Some wonderful ones of the Northern Lights.

0:24:270:24:30

So, I thought, sod it.

0:24:300:24:32

I left everything and went to look at more stars.

0:24:320:24:36

Even went up the cemetery to look for you.

0:24:360:24:39

Really?

0:24:400:24:42

Is that where you think I should be?

0:24:420:24:44

No!

0:24:440:24:46

But some people go there a lot.

0:24:460:24:49

You hardly go, do you?

0:24:490:24:51

I just thought you might have...

0:24:530:24:56

I don't know.

0:24:580:25:00

Your dad wouldn't want me sitting up there all day long.

0:25:000:25:03

The last thing he'd want is me moping about and missing him.

0:25:030:25:07

And I do miss him.

0:25:070:25:10

But I just want to try and live my life.

0:25:100:25:15

Well, that's me told.

0:25:160:25:18

SHE SIGHS

0:25:180:25:19

I can't sit in the corner wearing black like me Nin did

0:25:190:25:24

when me Granddad died, and wait for the end.

0:25:240:25:27

I don't know what's going to happen, and I am scared...

0:25:280:25:32

..but I'm excited.

0:25:330:25:37

Sorry, Mum.

0:25:370:25:39

You'll be all right.

0:25:410:25:43

I can see something!

0:25:430:25:44

Oh, can you see the stars now?

0:25:440:25:47

I can see a funny-looking man watching us.

0:25:470:25:49

Oh, that's weird Steve next door. Give him a wave, kids.

0:25:490:25:52

-ALL:

-Hello!

0:25:520:25:55

Hey, we've got everyone here. Why don't I do a photo now?

0:25:550:25:59

Oh, leave it, Ray!

0:25:590:26:01

What are you talking about?

0:26:010:26:02

-I was going through me photos on me computer.

-All 40,000 of them.

0:26:020:26:05

And there isn't one of us all together.

0:26:050:26:08

-Can you believe that?

-No.

-I did Photoshop one...

0:26:080:26:10

SHE GIGGLES Which was crap!

0:26:100:26:12

That's because you wouldn't let me finish it off! I wasn't finished!

0:26:120:26:15

So why don't I take one now?

0:26:150:26:17

Can we? Can we?

0:26:170:26:19

-Well, yeah, why not?

-All right, OK.

0:26:190:26:22

Everyone, get in a line.

0:26:220:26:24

I'll balance it on a wheelie bin and then run into shot.

0:26:240:26:27

Oh, get the brown one, the garden waste. It's the biggest.

0:26:270:26:32

-Right, kids in front.

-You in the middle, Mum.

-OK.

0:26:320:26:35

-MELISSA:

-Ethan!

-Well, get off me foot!

0:26:420:26:45

-I'm not on your foot, you imbecile.

-Do you even know what that means?

0:26:450:26:48

Yeah, it's you!

0:26:480:26:50

-Do I have to split youse two up?

-Can we just get on with it?

0:26:500:26:52

Right, smile.

0:26:520:26:53

That's good, everyone.

0:26:530:26:55

Liam, take your hands from over your eyes.

0:26:550:26:58

I don't like the flash. It can blind me for life.

0:26:580:27:00

Don't be daft!

0:27:000:27:02

-This is nice, us all together.

-Aw!

0:27:020:27:05

You're not getting all emotional, are you?

0:27:050:27:08

No! It's that burger repeating on me.

0:27:080:27:10

-They were cooked through. I checked.

-Mine was burnt.

0:27:100:27:13

It's me own fault. I ate it too quickly.

0:27:130:27:15

-All right, here we go.

-CAMERA BEEPS

0:27:150:27:18

Come on.

0:27:180:27:19

-Have you done it right?

-Yeah, keep smiling.

0:27:310:27:34

Oh, for crying out loud!

0:27:350:27:37

I can't keep this rictus grin.

0:27:370:27:39

It's going to go.

0:27:390:27:40

Oh, would you look at that?

0:27:420:27:45

Oh!

0:27:470:27:49

-Maybe it's not...

-CAMERA CLICKS

0:27:520:27:55

HE SIGHS HAPPILY

0:28:100:28:12

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0:28:370:28:40

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