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This programme contains very strong language. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:10 | |
PLANES ROAR | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
What the hell do you want? | 0:00:24 | 0:00:25 | |
I can't concentrate if you're watching me. Go on. Go on. Piss off. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:32 | |
INSECT DRONES | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
Piss off! | 0:00:35 | 0:00:36 | |
-Everything all right there, boss? -Yeah, it's fine! | 0:00:36 | 0:00:39 | |
Just talking to a lizard! | 0:00:39 | 0:00:40 | |
Um...what did you say, boss? | 0:00:42 | 0:00:43 | |
ON RADIO: I said I was just... | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
It doesn't matter. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:46 | |
-MILLSY: -OK. Er...do you need me to prepare the hook and line? | 0:00:46 | 0:00:49 | |
Or...anything else? | 0:00:49 | 0:00:51 | |
Ah. Could you prepare a Caesar salad? | 0:00:51 | 0:00:54 | |
-Um... -Actually, just radio the cookhouse | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
and tell them that, if they're planning tomato pasta bake | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
for a fifth day running, I'm bringing this bomb home for lunch. | 0:01:01 | 0:01:04 | |
-MILLSY: -Yeah. Er, to be fair, boss, | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
yesterday was spicy tomato pasta, which isn't technically... | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
And my will to live is further reduced. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
Good job I'm not in a life-threatening situation. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:15 | |
Oh, hang on. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:19 | |
-Wait. Who's that? -What? | 0:01:48 | 0:01:51 | |
There's someone by the compound, inside the cordon there. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
-Skip, the line. -Yeah, hang on. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:56 | |
-Watch out, Skip. -Yeah, in a minute. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:57 | |
-Step back! -Yeah, all right, he's just... Uh! | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
Get down! | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
INSECT DRONES | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
-All right, Rocket? -Just a plant. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:10 | |
You sure it wasnae a tripwire? | 0:02:10 | 0:02:11 | |
If it had been a tripwire, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:16 | |
Oh. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
Right. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
Why not? | 0:02:20 | 0:02:21 | |
Because he'd be flying towards ye like flesh confetti. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
Like flesh and bone confetti. Like flesh and... | 0:02:25 | 0:02:29 | |
-Yes, all right, Mac. -Got you. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:31 | |
Too much, aye? | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
WOMAN SPEAKING ON RADIO | 0:02:35 | 0:02:36 | |
Right, let's give it ten and I'll go back. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
So, Rocket, what was all that shouting about? | 0:02:39 | 0:02:41 | |
You dropped faster than your testicles will in a year or two. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
It was nothing, boss. | 0:02:44 | 0:02:46 | |
-Nothing? -He thought I'd found a tripwire. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
-A tripwire? -Yeah, but it was just a plant. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
-A plant? -Yeah, so it was all OK. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
-So, it was all OK? -This is entertaining. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
And where was this plant that was all OK? | 0:02:57 | 0:03:00 | |
-MURMURS: -Just in there. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
There. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:06 | |
Are you sure, Lance Corporal? Cos that's off the path. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:10 | |
And stepping off the path would be the act of a... | 0:03:10 | 0:03:14 | |
colossal bell-end. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:15 | |
I thought I spotted movement in the compound over there. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
Oh, so you tried to get a closer look by wandering off the path | 0:03:18 | 0:03:22 | |
like a dozy fucking pensioner. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
But, like I said, it was just a plant, so... | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
Oh, and you discovered it wasn't a booby trap, | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
because an IED didn't blow both your legs off | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
and rip great fucking chunks out of the rest of the team! | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
-Sir. -You know why they're called booby traps, Simon? | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
-Is it because... -Shut up! | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
They're called booby traps because they get trodden on by tits | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
like you! | 0:03:41 | 0:03:42 | |
Really? | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
If you do not stay on the path, | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
you will get blown to shittington come! | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
And we will need two dozen body bags to ship you back to a fiancee | 0:03:48 | 0:03:51 | |
who is, bafflingly, in love with someone with fewer brain cells than bollocks! | 0:03:51 | 0:03:55 | |
Protocol would be a retraining exercise, boss. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
Get your shit together, Lance Corporal, | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
and stop acting like a useless fucking geriatric! | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
Another mistake like this | 0:04:03 | 0:04:04 | |
could invoke considerably more than a gigantic bollocking! | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
-Could it invoke a retraining exercise? -Millsy. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
We have the training opportunities we need. We refer to them as "war". | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
Boss, I'd really love it if we could... | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
Millsy, I would really love it | 0:04:14 | 0:04:15 | |
if I got to eat foie gras and drink Sauternes | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
whilst shagging Mary the Padre. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:18 | |
-If you don't mind... -Technically... | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
Technically, Millsy, we spend 80 hours a week | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
in close proximity to yellow lines. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
I think the last fucking thing we need is a retraining exercise, | 0:04:25 | 0:04:28 | |
with you pointing at them like a knob-end. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
OK? | 0:04:31 | 0:04:32 | |
Boss. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
Right. Eyes peeled. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:37 | |
I'll be in the van. Bird, have we got any coffee? | 0:04:37 | 0:04:40 | |
-Er, something very similar, boss. -What have we got, Bird? | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
If you use "chai" in the answer, | 0:04:43 | 0:04:44 | |
I'm going to go down there and blow myself up. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
Um...well... | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
Beef bolognese with tomato pasta. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
-Nice variation. -Well, at least it's hot. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
Reminds me of the time Rocket had the shits. That was hot. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
I wouldn't have eaten that either! LAUGHTER | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
Nick, I'm eating. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:10 | |
You know what I miss? Fruitcake. Proper British fruitcake. | 0:05:10 | 0:05:14 | |
BLOWS RASPBERRY: That is a fucking boring food tae miss. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
And do you eat it with a tartan rug over your knees, Grandad? | 0:05:17 | 0:05:21 | |
-LAUGHTER -Fucking funny, everyone. -I know. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:25 | |
Well, we've got the next best thing. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:27 | |
You say fruitcake, I say tropical fruit mix. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:31 | |
Tropical fruit mix? This is just peaches. That's not tropical and it's not a mix. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:35 | |
Have my golden-oats snack bar if you're desperate, boss. | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
As generous and unwelcome as that offer is, Millsy, | 0:05:37 | 0:05:40 | |
I just want a decent bloody meal for once, not... | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
Operational Ration Pack number 17. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:45 | |
19, boss. 19. 17 is sweet-and-sour chicken. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:49 | |
Thank you for your input. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:50 | |
PLANE ROARS OVERHEAD | 0:05:50 | 0:05:53 | |
-Oh, I just...I can't do it. -Can I have yours? | 0:05:53 | 0:05:55 | |
-Really? -Serious. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
-Rocket joined for the food. -Aye. | 0:05:57 | 0:05:59 | |
And the free uniform. And the gun. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:00 | |
They don't let you keep the gun afterwards. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
Eh? Shite! | 0:06:02 | 0:06:05 | |
-You lying bastard. -Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha! | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
Come on, Mary, admit it. That is horrible. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
Well, we're hardly feasting on oysters and champagne, | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
at least there's plenty of it. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:15 | |
Again, when Rocket had the shits there was plenty... | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
-Nick. -Sorry. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:18 | |
-Bird, you're still eating it. Why? -Reminds me of home. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:21 | |
-Aw, really? -Yeah. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:22 | |
My mum's a fucking awful cook. Why do you think I'm here? | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:26 | |
Nah, it's nothing that can't be unfucked with a bit of ketchup. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:29 | |
She's sending me some in the post. If it ever gets here. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:32 | |
-When does it get here? -Fuck knows. | 0:06:32 | 0:06:33 | |
My big brother says he's sending me some Mars bars. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
-I've got to find decent food. -Faruq keeps offering me quroot. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
-You too, huh? -You want quroot? | 0:06:38 | 0:06:39 | |
No, Faruq, because it tastes like | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
cottage cheese that's been pissed on. Do you have anything else? | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
You want good scoff, I get you good scoff. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
You like fresh, juicy, ripe mangoes? | 0:06:46 | 0:06:50 | |
-Yes. -Me too. | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
Sadly, they would be impossible to obtain. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:55 | |
But I see what I can do! Bye-bye! | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
Good. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
Sir? | 0:07:01 | 0:07:02 | |
-Sir, could I have a word? -Is it about the food? | 0:07:03 | 0:07:07 | |
Dreadful, isn't it? Still, what's the first rule? | 0:07:07 | 0:07:10 | |
If you want good food, don't join the Army. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:13 | |
Should've stuck to what we know and invaded France. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
I bet Wellington had foie gras every bloody night. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
We should invade France? | 0:07:18 | 0:07:19 | |
Napoleon's men lived off the land, of course. | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
Annoys the locals, but you do discover regional delicacies. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:25 | |
Like the Afghan tiger gecko. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
-Come again? -Lizards. Keep up. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
The Afghan tiger gecko. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:31 | |
Highly endangered, on account of being absolutely delicious. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:34 | |
-Really? -Mm. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
Fresh. Creamy. Like oysters. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
These days there's so few of them, | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
they're confined to just two valleys | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
about four miles east of Malgir. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:46 | |
Where we were this morning, sir. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:48 | |
Black. Yellowy stripes. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
You haven't seen one, have you? | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
No, sir. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:57 | |
Not even a tiny one? | 0:07:57 | 0:07:59 | |
Probably just as well. They're on some UN list of protected yumminess. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:03 | |
Very bad form to catch them. Kill them. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
Poach them gently in a good chenin blanc. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:08 | |
Sir. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:10 | |
You slept with that Padre yet? | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
-What? -I'll take that as a no. Carry on. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:15 | |
-HE BURPS -See yous later. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:24 | |
Bye, Rocket. Everything all right, Millsy? | 0:08:24 | 0:08:26 | |
Fine, Padre, yeah. Just fine. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
Is Nick not keeping you busy? | 0:08:29 | 0:08:31 | |
No, no. Not today. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
But it's OK. Just the way he is sometimes, you know? | 0:08:34 | 0:08:37 | |
How is that, then? | 0:08:37 | 0:08:38 | |
Oh, no, no, no. I'm not having a go. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
Just saying I know we can all get a bit pointy when we're stressed. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:43 | |
But it's fine, it's fine. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:45 | |
Do you want me to talk to him? | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
I would love that. I would really, really love that. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
What would be the best thing for me to say? | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
You... | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
Nothing. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:54 | |
No. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:55 | |
No, no, no, nothing. Nothing. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
It's fine. | 0:08:57 | 0:08:59 | |
It's just sometimes I feel I could do a much better job if he just let me in on stuff. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:03 | |
I've had all this training, I know I could do my job a lot better if I could just use all of it and it's... | 0:09:03 | 0:09:08 | |
Actually, do you know what? Don't worry about it. It's fine. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:12 | |
-I should, er... -Millsy. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:13 | |
I haven't known Nick for very long, | 0:09:13 | 0:09:15 | |
although I think I've kind of worked him out. | 0:09:15 | 0:09:17 | |
But he can be quite spiky, and actually... | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
No. No, no, no, no. Nick's amazing. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:21 | |
Really. Yeah, and he... and he likes you, he really likes you. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:25 | |
-I mean, he said... -Millsy, can I stop you there? | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
Because we are here to do a job, so... | 0:09:27 | 0:09:30 | |
Nick and I will be keeping things strictly professional. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
Of course. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
Sorry. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:36 | |
It's OK. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:37 | |
-Actually, what did he say? -Well... | 0:09:38 | 0:09:41 | |
No, forget it. Um...see you later, Millsy. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
Yeah. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:45 | |
INSECTS CHIRPING | 0:09:58 | 0:10:01 | |
FILM MUSIC PLAYING | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
This is the most boring fucking film I've ever fucking seen. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:09 | |
-You're joking, right? -MAC: -Thin Red Line? | 0:10:09 | 0:10:11 | |
Thin Red Shite, more like. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
-Does anyone care if I turn it off? -Sooner the better. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
What?! There's only an hour left! | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
-You've got to be fucking kidding me. -Another hour?! | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
What is wrong with you people? | 0:10:20 | 0:10:21 | |
-The Daily Telegraph said... -What a steaming pile of crap. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:25 | |
-Aye, crap. -No. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
No, The Thin Red Line is one of the greatest war films of all time. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:30 | |
-Back me up here, boss. -What's that? | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
The Thin Red Line. A significant film. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
It was certainly significant for me. | 0:10:35 | 0:10:37 | |
Whole bunch of us went to see it when we turned 18... | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
-Thank you. -...and I have never been more bored. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
I was so bored, I thought I'd died, gone to hell, and got bored. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:48 | |
OTHERS CHUCKLE | 0:10:48 | 0:10:49 | |
Least you were lucky enough to see it on the big screen. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
-Not really. -Mm. I was too young to go and see it at the cinema. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:54 | |
-Eh? You're older than him. -No, I'm not. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
-Ah, ye are! -No, I'm not. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:58 | |
-How old do you think I am? -36? | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
-I was going to say about 42. -Oh, aye. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
I'm 28! | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
-OTHERS LAUGH -28! | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
What, seriously? | 0:11:09 | 0:11:10 | |
You make it sound like I'm past it. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
-You lot think I'm past it. -Nobody thinks you're past it, Simon. | 0:11:13 | 0:11:17 | |
You called me a dozy fucking pensioner. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:19 | |
Did I? Yeah, I probably did. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
-GUFFAWING -You called me Grandad. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
-You were having a wet dream about fruitcake. -I like...cake! | 0:11:23 | 0:11:27 | |
-OK? -Somebody say something about cake? | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
You do make that noise when ye sit down. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
What noise? | 0:11:32 | 0:11:33 | |
BOTH: Oh! | 0:11:35 | 0:11:37 | |
Pfff! I don't make that noise. Pfff! | 0:11:37 | 0:11:40 | |
-And you go "Pfff!" when you're annoyed. -Pfff! | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
-Pfff! -Pfff! | 0:11:43 | 0:11:44 | |
-OTHERS: -Pfff! Pfff! Pfff! Pfff! | 0:11:44 | 0:11:47 | |
Fuck off! | 0:11:47 | 0:11:48 | |
PLANE ROARS OVERHEAD | 0:11:48 | 0:11:49 | |
Can we just please watch the rest of the film? | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
-Nah. Let's watch Heartbreak Ridge. -Aye! The Ridge! | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
Oh, no, no! It's too late to start another film! | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 | |
-LAUGHTER -"Oh, it's too late!" | 0:11:57 | 0:12:00 | |
-Oh, is it getting late, Grandad? -SHOUTING: -May I remind you, | 0:12:00 | 0:12:03 | |
we all have to be up at 0630? | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
-LAUGHTER -You are so old! | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
Quack, quack! | 0:12:08 | 0:12:09 | |
Sod off. I'm going to bed. | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
-HE GRUNTS -Ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
Millsy will bring you some hot milk. | 0:12:13 | 0:12:15 | |
-Actually, we're out of milk. -Millsy, I was... Forget it. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:19 | |
I think I'll turn in as well. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
-Good night, guys. -Nick? | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
-Can I have a word? In private? -At this hour? | 0:12:23 | 0:12:27 | |
Intriguing. Yes, please. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:28 | |
Ah, biscuits, brown. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
My favourite. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
-In the absence of all other biscuits. -Hm. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
-Yeah, I'm out of wafers, pink. -BOTH CHUCKLE | 0:12:37 | 0:12:40 | |
-So... -So, I wanted to talk to you about Millsy. | 0:12:40 | 0:12:43 | |
Oh. Look... | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
When I was in training, I got used as target practice for golf balls, | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
so the occasional game of dartboard runaround is really... | 0:12:48 | 0:12:51 | |
And this isn't about that, is it? | 0:12:51 | 0:12:53 | |
-I think he feels like a spare part. -Yeah. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:56 | |
A spare part who doesn't spend his time inches away from something | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
that will probably, at some point, blow him to pieces. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
I'm not sure if I've told you this, but my job is almost unimaginably dangerous. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:05 | |
It has come up once or twice, yes, | 0:13:05 | 0:13:08 | |
but all I'm saying is, why don't you...let him in? | 0:13:08 | 0:13:12 | |
Ah, yes. Let him in. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:14 | |
I forgot chapter 76 of the ATO training manual, | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
"When relating to your number two, always ensure that you...let him in." | 0:13:17 | 0:13:21 | |
He's a young man who wants to do a good job. So, give him... | 0:13:21 | 0:13:24 | |
His...his head? | 0:13:24 | 0:13:25 | |
Actually, that is what bomb disposal experts need. Head. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
Oh, yes. Clever. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
Millsy mentioned something about a retraining exercise. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
-HE SIGHS -Why don't you talk to him about it? | 0:13:33 | 0:13:35 | |
For me? | 0:13:37 | 0:13:38 | |
So, team, time for a retraining exercise. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
-Aw...! -Bollocks. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:42 | |
-I thought you got us here to dish out post. -Hasn't arrived. -Shite. | 0:13:42 | 0:13:45 | |
I was expecting my Mars bars so I only had the one breakfast. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:48 | |
Millsy will help us understand the importance of staying in the marked areas, | 0:13:48 | 0:13:52 | |
by going through yesterday's incident. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:55 | |
-Really? -Do we have to? | 0:13:55 | 0:13:56 | |
Let's get it over with. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:57 | |
-Millsy. -Thanks, boss. | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
OK. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
It was nearly 0900. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:05 | |
The mist had cleared, | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
and a light wind from the south stirred the leaves in the trees. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
Cautiously, a small brave detachment... | 0:14:10 | 0:14:13 | |
Millsy, what are you doing? | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
Boss? | 0:14:15 | 0:14:16 | |
Either I've stumbled into Poetry Corner or you, Millsy, are talking like a cunt. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:21 | |
OTHERS SNORT | 0:14:21 | 0:14:23 | |
-Which is it? -Poetry Corner, boss? | 0:14:23 | 0:14:24 | |
No. | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
Oh. Sorry. | 0:14:26 | 0:14:27 | |
So, I've recreated where everyone was standing | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
when the suspected secondary was spotted. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
If you'd like to follow me. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:34 | |
Oh, dear. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:37 | |
-LINDA LAUGHS -You've drawn pictures of us. Sweet! | 0:14:37 | 0:14:40 | |
What the fuck is that? | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
OTHERS LAUGH | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
I don't smoke a pipe! | 0:14:45 | 0:14:46 | |
All right. Just a bit of artistic licence. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:49 | |
-OTHERS CHUCKLE -I'm 28! | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
Sorry. OK. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:53 | |
So, Simon was standing here. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
The yellow line was here, | 0:14:55 | 0:14:57 | |
and in trying to see an enemy over there, | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
he overstepped the line...here. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:02 | |
This is excellent, Millsy. Do go on. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
Really? | 0:15:05 | 0:15:06 | |
Yeah. | 0:15:06 | 0:15:07 | |
OK. Thanks, boss. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:09 | |
So, I'd like everyone to break up into pairs. | 0:15:09 | 0:15:11 | |
-PHONE RINGS -Ask 'em when the post is getting here. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:14 | |
Everyone, break up into pairs and make a list of potential hazards. | 0:15:14 | 0:15:17 | |
-Thank you. -Pairs, gay. Lists...gay. | 0:15:17 | 0:15:21 | |
I cannae make a list. I've no' got a pen. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:23 | |
Sorry, Millsy. No time for getting into pairs. We've got to go. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:26 | |
Are you serious? What is it? | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
Well, something's holding up the post truck | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
and I don't want to lapse into jargon here, but I think it's what we call a bomb. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:33 | |
Hey! We do those, don't we? Let's go. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
It says here you find them in rocky areas. | 0:15:49 | 0:15:52 | |
-Rocky areas, marshy areas... -PLANES ROAR | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
...other areas, all over the shop! | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
Well, thank you very much, David Attenborough. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
You like David Attenborough? | 0:15:59 | 0:16:01 | |
I can get DVD of Frozen Planet. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
-20 dollars. It is agreed. -No, Faruq, I... | 0:16:03 | 0:16:06 | |
-What? -The kit's ready, boss. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:09 | |
Is there anything else here you'd like me to do? | 0:16:09 | 0:16:12 | |
Not really. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:13 | |
We've got to wait 20 minutes for the search team to finish anyway. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:16 | |
Why don't you go over there | 0:16:16 | 0:16:19 | |
and run through that retraining exercise again? | 0:16:19 | 0:16:21 | |
-Again, boss? -Mm. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
-You mean finish it? -Yeah. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
Crack on. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:27 | |
Faruq and I will be...here... | 0:16:27 | 0:16:31 | |
talking. | 0:16:31 | 0:16:32 | |
Right. Um...this exercise ideally should involve you, boss. | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
-Mm-hm. -It could. It...doesn't have to. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:38 | |
You... You won't be needed for this, boss. I'll take it from here. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:42 | |
Bluestone 42, back in your pairs. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:45 | |
-Oh, no! -Really? | 0:16:45 | 0:16:47 | |
Did something move? Down there? | 0:16:47 | 0:16:49 | |
I don't know. I can't see anything. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:51 | |
-Does it really taste that good? -Oh, yes. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:54 | |
Especially with some quroot. | 0:16:54 | 0:16:56 | |
Yeah, because you know how much I love that salty, salty yoghurt. | 0:16:56 | 0:16:59 | |
Ah, but with the lizard... Ooh, it is amazing. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:03 | |
The salt, it brings out the flavour of the meat. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
It tastes like...panda. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
I thought it tasted more like oysters. Sorry, you've eaten panda? | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
Sure you don't want to make up a three, boss? | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
Ah, Bird. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:14 | |
-Cordon secure? -It is, boss. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:17 | |
-We've considered the risk of RCs? -We have. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
We've also considered the risk of you not clearing the road for the post truck, | 0:17:21 | 0:17:25 | |
cos you're too busy searching for lizards. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
Lizards? Huh! | 0:17:27 | 0:17:29 | |
-We're not searching for lizards. -Ooh, there's one. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:31 | |
Is there? Where? | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
Ah, she is smart lady. | 0:17:33 | 0:17:36 | |
But that is why we don't teach them to read. | 0:17:36 | 0:17:38 | |
-Fuck you! -HE SNORTS | 0:17:38 | 0:17:40 | |
MAN SPEAKING ON RADIO | 0:17:42 | 0:17:44 | |
Hello, little fella! | 0:17:48 | 0:17:49 | |
Hello! Look at you, stripy! | 0:17:50 | 0:17:53 | |
Come on, now. Shoo. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
Shoo. Go on, go. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:58 | |
Off you pop. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:00 | |
Wait! I see someone. Over there. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:03 | |
You sure, Skip? Your eyes aren't whit they used to be. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:06 | |
Not now, Mac! Yeah, he's back. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
-Right, everyone. Cover! -Oh, ha-ha! | 0:18:08 | 0:18:12 | |
-I'm no' falling for that one again. -GUNFIRE | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
Shite! | 0:18:14 | 0:18:15 | |
Charlie 1, this is Bluestone 42. Contact. Wait out. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:18 | |
Contact right! Bluestone 42! | 0:18:18 | 0:18:21 | |
One hostile, corner of the compound, 200 metres! | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
I see him. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:27 | |
GUNSHOTS | 0:18:28 | 0:18:30 | |
Bloody hell, Skip. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:41 | |
That was some fucking shot, eh? | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
-Well, it's what we train for. -Someone give that man a cigarette! | 0:18:43 | 0:18:46 | |
-I don't smoke. -Yes, | 0:18:46 | 0:18:48 | |
I know, I mean, well done, basically. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:51 | |
I think we can officially say that you...are not past it. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
Yes! Thank you, boss. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
All right, now keep those eyes peeled. Terry Taliban may have some friends. | 0:18:55 | 0:19:00 | |
Amazing what an early night can do for ye, eh, Granda? | 0:19:00 | 0:19:03 | |
-HE SMACKS LIPS -Fuck off. | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
Eyes on. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:06 | |
OK, Millsy, just bagging up. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:20 | |
-ON RADIO: Why don't you get a brew on? -Okey-dokey. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:23 | |
WHISPERS: OK. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:41 | |
Oh... | 0:19:44 | 0:19:45 | |
Millsy? | 0:19:46 | 0:19:48 | |
Get a visual on nearby reptile. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:50 | |
Reptile, boss? Like a lizard? | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
-Yeah. MILLSY: -Oh, right. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:54 | |
I...I saw one of those earlier. Yeah, it was by the kit. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
It was black with all these yellowy stripes. I just shooed it away. | 0:19:56 | 0:20:00 | |
What? No! | 0:20:00 | 0:20:01 | |
Shit! Millsy. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
-I really wanted that lizard. -All right. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
You didn't tell me, boss, I didn't know. | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
No. No, I don't suppose I did. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
I suppose I should have let you in. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:11 | |
OK. | 0:20:13 | 0:20:14 | |
OK, look, um...do you think you could shoot this one? | 0:20:14 | 0:20:18 | |
It's, er... | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
It's posing a threat. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:21 | |
-I thought you were finished, boss? -It's a distraction, Millsy. | 0:20:21 | 0:20:24 | |
-And therefore a threat. -All right. | 0:20:24 | 0:20:26 | |
But, um...aren't you a bit nearer? | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 | |
Yeah, I'm also nearer 20 pounds of HME. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:31 | |
Can you just get Corporal Crackshot to have a pop at it? | 0:20:31 | 0:20:34 | |
But it's not harming anyone, boss. Poor little thing. | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
It's a fucking lizard, Millsy! | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
-Grow a pair. -Boss. | 0:20:38 | 0:20:40 | |
Simon, the boss wants you to shoot that lizard. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
He wants me to shoot a lizard? OK. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:46 | |
Just letting all units know | 0:20:48 | 0:20:49 | |
that Corporal Lansley is about to fire at a...UDR. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:53 | |
An unauthorised distracting reptile? I dunno! | 0:20:54 | 0:20:57 | |
-AMERICAN ACCENT: -Hey, lizard. You wanna ask yourself one question. | 0:20:57 | 0:21:01 | |
Do I feel lucky? | 0:21:01 | 0:21:02 | |
Aye. I dae feel lucky. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:08 | |
Very lucky. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:11 | |
Cos the guy that's shooting at me is a dozy fucking pensioner. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:15 | |
-Ooh! -I'll do it, Skip. | 0:21:15 | 0:21:17 | |
No, Rocket, it's all right. I've got this. | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
Lizard neutralised, boss. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:28 | |
INSECTS CHIRPING | 0:21:35 | 0:21:38 | |
Well, that looks filling. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:40 | |
Carry on. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:48 | |
How's the food, everyone? Still horrid? | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:21:51 | 0:21:53 | |
Well, buck up. Post's here. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:55 | |
-THEY CHEER -Finally, treats! Yum! | 0:21:55 | 0:21:58 | |
Here comes ketchup! | 0:21:58 | 0:21:59 | |
-There's one here for you, sir. -Thanks. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:00 | |
For you, Bird. | 0:22:00 | 0:22:02 | |
Oh, my four-year-old's drawn me a picture. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:06 | |
Can anyone tell what it is? | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
If you have any thoughts, let me know, hm? | 0:22:11 | 0:22:13 | |
-Oh. -"Dear Lynda. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:20 | |
"Your sister thought you might appreciate something girly." | 0:22:20 | 0:22:23 | |
What? | 0:22:23 | 0:22:25 | |
Mango and coconut body wash? | 0:22:25 | 0:22:27 | |
What a bitch! What am I supposed to do with this? | 0:22:27 | 0:22:30 | |
-Piss off! -Ah, the young Scot's worst nightmare. | 0:22:30 | 0:22:32 | |
Soap and fruit in one. | 0:22:32 | 0:22:34 | |
-PARCEL RATTLES -Chocolates? | 0:22:34 | 0:22:36 | |
Ho-ho-ho! | 0:22:38 | 0:22:40 | |
It's...Travel Scrabble. It's great! | 0:22:40 | 0:22:43 | |
VEHICLE DRAWS UP | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
I mean, shit. Shit. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:48 | |
Ohhh! She found them! | 0:22:48 | 0:22:51 | |
OTHERS LAUGHS | 0:22:51 | 0:22:54 | |
Past it! Past it! Pipe and slippers! | 0:22:54 | 0:22:57 | |
I do not smoke a pipe! | 0:22:57 | 0:23:00 | |
Ahhh! | 0:23:01 | 0:23:02 | |
Right, guys. | 0:23:02 | 0:23:04 | |
Yous can have some of my Mars bars. | 0:23:04 | 0:23:09 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
Oh, that's fucking hilarious! | 0:23:11 | 0:23:14 | |
He said he was sending me Mars bars, and instead he sent me fake dog poo! | 0:23:14 | 0:23:18 | |
Brilliant! | 0:23:18 | 0:23:19 | |
-But we can't eat it, though, can we? -What? The food here's fine. | 0:23:19 | 0:23:23 | |
I wanted some of your fucking Mars bars! | 0:23:23 | 0:23:25 | |
All right, Mac, you greedy bastard. | 0:23:25 | 0:23:27 | |
This is the worst Christmas ever. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:29 | |
All the presents are shite... | 0:23:29 | 0:23:31 | |
and it's no' even Christmas. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
WOMAN SPEAKING ON RADIO | 0:23:34 | 0:23:36 | |
Is this all right? | 0:23:38 | 0:23:39 | |
Are those seriously the best flowers you could find? | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
I can try and find some others, but we are in the middle of... | 0:23:42 | 0:23:45 | |
No, don't worry. They'll do. What's left on the list? | 0:23:45 | 0:23:47 | |
I've ironed your camos... | 0:23:47 | 0:23:48 | |
So, all you've got to do is sweep the det, then you can go and play Scrabble. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:52 | |
Yes! All right, listen. I was thinking that we could set up a tournament and... | 0:23:52 | 0:23:57 | |
You wouldn't need to be involved. I'll... I'll see you later. | 0:23:57 | 0:24:01 | |
Now, promise me there's no quroot in this. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
No, this is my wife's recipe. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
Braised Afghan tiger gecko. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
It is her signature dish. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:09 | |
As a girl, she used to trap them in her back garden. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:13 | |
That doesn't seem very sportsmanlike. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
Well, in those days she did not have access to an SA80 rifle, eh? | 0:24:15 | 0:24:18 | |
Yeah, just the AK-47s from the mujaheddin? | 0:24:18 | 0:24:20 | |
Yes, very hard-wearing but not so accurate. | 0:24:20 | 0:24:24 | |
Excellent for crowds, but not for hunting. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
-Right. -Knock, knock. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:29 | |
-Who's there? -Hi! | 0:24:29 | 0:24:30 | |
Oh, hi, Faruq. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
-Millsy said you were looking for me? -Yes, I am. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
-Have a seat. -Ooh, metal cutlery. Now, there's posh. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:36 | |
Well, we aim to please. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
Thank you for talking to Millsy. He seems much happier. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:40 | |
He's running around like a lunatic, fetching and carrying. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:43 | |
Well, a woman's work is never done. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:45 | |
And, yes, I am implying that Millsy is a woman. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:49 | |
How demeaning for him. And how charming for me. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
What is that amazing smell? | 0:24:52 | 0:24:54 | |
That'll be the oysters. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:56 | |
Oysters? Out here? Who do you have to sleep with to get them? | 0:24:56 | 0:24:59 | |
That's a question you should be asking yourself. | 0:24:59 | 0:25:02 | |
OK, so they're not technically oysters, but apparently they taste just like them. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:10 | |
-They look a bit... -Just close your eyes | 0:25:10 | 0:25:13 | |
and open your mouth. | 0:25:13 | 0:25:14 | |
That's not the sort of advice I follow when you're around, Nick. | 0:25:14 | 0:25:17 | |
Oh, my... | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
Mmm. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:27 | |
-SHE SIGHS -Mmm! | 0:25:27 | 0:25:29 | |
Mmm. Oh. | 0:25:29 | 0:25:32 | |
Mmm. | 0:25:32 | 0:25:33 | |
Mmm... | 0:25:33 | 0:25:35 | |
Mmmm! | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
Oh... | 0:25:39 | 0:25:41 | |
This is so yummy, I think I might cry. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:44 | |
Oh! Mmm! I don't know why people don't eat these all the time. | 0:25:44 | 0:25:48 | |
Because they're critically endangered, Padre. | 0:25:48 | 0:25:51 | |
What? | 0:25:51 | 0:25:53 | |
How's the lizard? | 0:25:53 | 0:25:55 | |
Lizard? This is... This is lizard, and it's critically endangered? | 0:25:55 | 0:25:59 | |
Yeah. | 0:25:59 | 0:26:00 | |
But what does that really mean? | 0:26:00 | 0:26:02 | |
-Less than 70 breeding pairs, apparently. -SHE GASPS | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
-Ooh, is that spare? -Not...really. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:07 | |
Oh. Yumbles! Mmm! | 0:26:08 | 0:26:10 | |
It's been too long. | 0:26:10 | 0:26:11 | |
What were you thinking? | 0:26:11 | 0:26:13 | |
-I think we both know the answer to that. -Right! | 0:26:13 | 0:26:15 | |
-Get out. -These are my quarters. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:17 | |
Your... Whatever. Yeah, fine. Well, I'm going. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:21 | |
What happened to "so yummy I think I... | 0:26:22 | 0:26:25 | |
"might cry"? | 0:26:25 | 0:26:27 | |
Sorry, sir, is there something in particular that you were after? | 0:26:27 | 0:26:30 | |
No, no, just a social visit. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:33 | |
-All OK? Excellent. Carry on. -Well, that... | 0:26:33 | 0:26:35 | |
Perfect. | 0:26:38 | 0:26:39 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:26:48 | 0:26:51 |